Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was about 5PM already when the boys arrived at their destination. The sun gathered everything she needed for the long night that was ahead of her and waited peacefully in the arms of the late afternoon until it was time to go and greet the moon. She had plenty of time left, so she spent her remaining hours examining the small turquoise van that had just arrived at the campsite. The vehicle was filled full with youth, laughter and chocolate chip cookies in a hand sewn basket.

A warm breeze swept through Yeosang’s rosy cheeks as he got out of the car first to stretch his body after his nap on the backseat he didn’t intend on taking. He couldn’t resist, after all, the seats were too comfortable to stay awake.
The peaceful buzzing of the car’s engine mixed with Day6 songs played from the radio made him decide on allowing himself a long nap during their ride.
The tired, contented rays of sunshine coming through the windows were melting away all of his worries for the day.

It all happened much to Jongho’s delight, essentially. If the birthday boy wouldn’t have been happy enough to spend this special day with the people he loves the most in this world, then Yeosang placing his head on his shoulder while sleeping definitely did the magic for him.

He hasn’t smiled in a while, and today it seemed like almost every little thing made him grin from ear to ear as if he was seven years old again.
It’s been a while since the eight of them had a day off and did something together, too.

It was San’s idea to rent a whole campsite to have for themselves for a night, and it was a perfect idea by itself already.
Then Wooyoung came with the surprising news the night before their trip that he found a natural hot spring near the place they were going. He said it wasn’t a popular area for tourists, hence only the nearby villagers knew about the exact location of it. He insisted on going there, but of course after making sure everyone was okay with it.

Jongho himself was a little bit hesitant at first, since he hadn't shown his body in full display to his members yet, due to his severe dysphoria he felt almost every single day. Even after his top surgery, there were always days when he felt uncomfortable in his own skin and didn’t want to show anyone his vulnerable side. Let alone his very visible scars.
But this time he thought he could get out of his comfort zone while actually still being inside of it, if this makes sense. His members provided so much comfort for him whenever he needed some. He was forever grateful to have such accepting and supporting people around him. They were the only people he felt comfortable around, so he decided on giving in for this occasion, because he wanted to have fun just as much as the others did.

Right after Yeosang, he got out of the car to stretch his back first, then ran tiny laps around the older to get his legs moving after they'd gone numb from sitting for too long.
Yeosang laughed shyly at him out of surprise and for a moment, his smile was shining just as brightly as the dangling pearl earrings that got caught in the sun that decorated Seonghwa’s ears as he also got out of the car to break free from the ongoing war between Wooyoung and San inside the van.
Said war wasn’t as serious as it might sound for some, or just it were the others who got used to it through the years.
The topic of the argument is just something stupid and little as it always is.
San is currently sulking because he could swear to the love of his mother that they should have turned left to reach the camp and because his intentions failed him for god knows how many times today, he’s on the brink of tears but would never let Wooyoung win because he hates his smug smile more than Hongjoong hates mint choco.

After ten minutes of sulking and throwing words at each other between the two of them, Hongjoong couldn’t stay silent. Maybe it was because the two kids didn’t help any of them to unpack their things or just because he had enough.

“Enough, children. Instead of running your mouth, you should run to the reception for the key to the caravan. Yunho checked it and said that it was locked. I’m sure they have the keys there.” Said the leader with a nagging tone in his voice, but not a harsh one, just a please-don’t-argue-on-our-day-off kinda one.

There was only one caravan, which meant a space for two or three people at once. The others will have to sleep in tents, but that isn’t much of a problem because there are a few adventurous individuals in this group anyways. They haven’t decided on the arrangements of the pairs yet and it was ahead of them to battle for a place in the caravan.

When San and Wooyoung came back with the key, they mentioned the wonderful idea they thought of on deciding who will get to occupy the caravan. The idea was no other than having a running race from the car to the campfire which would mean about 30 meters of running.
The spirit of competition just started to shine in Mingi’s eyes, when Hongjoong quickly dumped the idea, explaining it by the height difference he’d have to fight in comparison to Yunho and his gazelle legs. It wouldn’t really be fair on most of them, they agreed on that.

They chose to leave things up to their luck, which they usually don’t have control over, and played rock-paper-scissors instead.

The play continued until there was only one winner left, and that person could choose someone from the others to share the place with.

Yeosang had the luck today to be the final winner, and after his signature victory laugh that made everyone twitch from either cringe or cuteness overload, he looked carefully around him.

Wooyoung and San were throwing very puppy-like looks towards his direction but he casually ignored them, saying “Since it’s Jongho’s birthday, I think we can all agree that he deserves to sleep on a decent bed instead of on the ground.”

As Yeosang scrunches his nose to fill the awkwardness in the air like he always does when he can’t think of anything else, he sees Seonghwa and their leader nod like the parents they are. The others, on the other hand either remain silent, because they don’t care much about it, or do theatrical moves to express their disenchantment. Wooyoung, falling in the latter category, is pretending to be shocked that his best friend betrayed him just like that.

When Jongho says nothing, -maybe because he still has to process the fact that The Kang Yeosang thought about him and only him to share the caravan with- Yeosang quickly adds “Only if you’d like to, though. If you want to sleep in a tent for the fun of it, that’s fine, too.”

“N-no, I’ll take the offer. My back’s been acting up lately, so it’d be good to sleep in a bed. Thank you.” Jongho says, coming out of his trance. He is more than thankful to have this opportunity, Yeosang can’t even imagine how much. And definitely not just because his back pain is in fact getting worse and worse the last few days.

To break off the silence that carefully tried to make its way hand in hand with a spoonful of awkwardness, Hongjoong claps his hands together. “Okay, everyone take their stuff out and let’s put up the tents.” He slightly turns over to look at Jongho and Yeosang who already have their bags in their hands. “You two, after you’re done with packing out, please help anyone that’s in need of it, okay?”

“Yes, mom.” Yeosang throws the sentence playfully at Hongjoong. Jongho finds himself giggling endlessly at the sight of Hongjoong approaching and smacking Yeosang’s butt for his previous words.

They open the door of the caravan with the keys that Wooyoung gave to them accompanied by a provocative smile after saying “I hope the bed bugs eat you so there will be more food left for us.” then disappearing with San on his side who just stuck his tongue out after turning his back to them with his left hand resting on Wooyoung’s waist already.

A musty smell hits their noses as they step in, but they hope it will disappear by the time the night comes if they ventilate the area properly.

If this dusty caravan could speak, it would tell so many stories, Jongho’s sure of it. He’d actually love to listen to its stories about the various travelers that spent their nights here.
He wonders what kinds of people they were, where did they come from, where were they heading, what were their plans besides staying here. Are they doing well? Are they still alive?
Even though they’re all strangers to him, he hopes they’re doing okay, he hopes they could or can reach their dreams one day.

The idea of sharing a piece of his life with so many others living and existing on the same planet as him makes his head go wild. They share a little slice of history, after all. They all have the same memory of staying in this exact place, sleeping in this exact bed and he thinks that this is amazing.
Others always considered his ways of thinking rather silly, but he liked to think about these kinds of things a lot. He didn’t see the wrong in it, considering that it never hurt anyone to ponder over such pointless but also very engaging topics.

He feels like maybe he’s making Yeosang uncomfortable by not saying a single word since they started to unpack their bags, and even though he very positively enjoys being silent, he clears his throat to start a little carefree conversation with the older.

“So...They have only one bed, as it seems.” He says, looking at the double bed that takes up about one third of the caravan. He even thinks it was unnecessary to build a bed this big for a little caravan like this one, because even though three or even four people could comfortably sleep on the bed, there was definitely not enough space for that many people to stand and/or sit in the little dining area that was arranged in the space the enormous bed and the kitchen cupboard left behind.

“Yes.” Is Yeosang’s only answer, and it seems like he’s not even planning on adding more as he continues to fold his t-shirts in a very neat order.

“Doesn’t it bother you that we have to sleep in the same bed?” Jongho tries to approach things from a different perspective, trying not to sound as self-conscious as he actually feels.

“Not necessarily. Does it bother you ?” Yeosang pauses what he was doing and gives a look to Jongho with a faint glimpse of concern shining in his eyes.

Jongho is quick to answer to that, not even trying to mask that he didn’t hesitate for a single second to open his mouth.

“No. Not at all. We sleep in the same room, after all. Not like we don’t know each other’s sleeping habits or can’t stand each other’s snoring.” He goes on rambling about things, not knowing when it turns to be too awkward to stop and let the silence take his place.

“But didn’t you want to try to sleep with the others for this once? I’m sure for example Sannie hyung or Yunho hyung would be a more interesting companion than me. You see me every night, you must be tired of it. I know it’s my birthday but still, you didn’t have to-...” Jongho almost goes out of breath when Yeosang interrupts him, like what he’s about to say is so important that it can’t wait even a second more.

“First of all, god please save me from those two. Second, I’m never getting tired of you, silly. Even though we share the same room, Wooyoung is also there most of the time. But this time, it’s different. Since he isn’t here.” He says, looking at Jongho after his last sentence, but the boy doesn’t return his gaze, being too occupied in figuring out how to put on the sheets for the bed.

“Yeah, he isn’t.” Jongho states absent-mindedly, letting what Yeosang was possibly trying to point at slowly sink in.
By the time it reaches his brain and his ears can turn red from the sudden feeling of the excitement of anticipation, his company is already out of the door to help his members set up their tents.

He finishes making the bed, being lost in his giddy state, then proceeds to venture out of the door to check the situation happening outside.

Wooyoung and San, being smart once in a lifetime, brought an instant setup tent, and besides San’s soul leaving his body supported by a squeak that could wake the dead when it popped out of its bag, everything went well. They went over to help Seonghwa and Hongjoong who were still just trying to figure out which side is which.
Jongho noticed that they could use one more hand, so he rushed over to assist.

Yeosang was helping Yunho and Mingi out just a few meters away, and they seemed like they were having a really good time. They were laughing so hard at one of Mingi’s attempts of staking the edges of the tent that their chuckling echoed all the way through the woods.

Jongho was kind of jealous, looking at them from a distance, wishing that he was part of the fun, but at the same time, it warmed his heart seeing his members having such a good time already.
Hearing their laughter was always like medicine for his soul on his dullest days.

“Hey, you okay?” San directs a question towards him, seeing that he’s not entirely with them.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why? Do I look pale again?” Jongho answers, blinking like a newborn bear cub.

“No. You just seemed kinda lost earlier when you came out. If you don’t feel well, please tell me, ok?”

“I’m fine, really. Thank you for caring about me, though.” He offers a shy smile to the older, to reassure him he’s not sick or anything. Even though he used to hide when he felt bad, he’s slowly getting out of that phase by always telling the others what’s wrong when they ask him. “I just got a little sentimental again, I guess.”

“Oh, is that so?” San genuinely seems interested and it makes Jongho so happy. San was always the type of person who would listen to his little monologues about the things he found interesting with a warm, welcoming smile on his face, listening until the very last words. He knew that when he wanted to talk about his silly things, San was always available for a chat.

“You know, I was thinking about how many people were here before us.” He starts his train of thought.

“And? Does that make you uncomfortable?” San questions attentively, not quite sure where Jongho wants to go with this yet.

“No, not that. The opposite of it, actually. I just think it’s amazing that we got the chance to share a piece of history with so many strangers at once. Think about it, we all have the same memory of staying in this campsite. Maybe they also struggled to set up their old ass tents their parents still hadn’t thrown away even though it probably survived the two world wars already.” From the distance, he could hear a “Hey, heard that!” coming from Seonghwa, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. “Maybe they sat around a bonfire after they were finished and shared their dreams with each other.” He takes in a big breath and sighs dreamily on the thought of it.
“Maybe they have the same dreams as we do.” He looks up to meet San’s eyes but he’s faced with Wooyoung’s crotch area instead.

“Damn, gay boy. This is amazing and all but please help me pound the stakes down.” Wooyoung says, handing him a rubber mallet as he squats down to Jongho’s level.

Blinking dumbfoundedly, he takes the mallet and does what he was told to do with a pout forming on his lips.
San, however, pats his shoulders after he’s done with threatening his boyfriend to whoop his ass, and whispers “I also wonder things like this. I think your speech was interesting. I hope all those people achieve their dreams one day.” He also flashes a smile that is already so familiar to all the members because he does it all the time when he wants to comfort someone. He’s truly good at making people feel valid and loved.

After they’re all done with setting up the tents, their residents finally get to pack their things in them. Seonghwa makes such a cozy space inside their tent with Hongjoong that San and Wooyoung immediately go inside to cuddle under the blankets, inhibiting the older to continue packing normally.

Seonghwa gives up quickly with a sigh and goes out of the tent to stretch.

“What do you guys want to do now?” He asks, searching for someone to return his gaze.

“I think we should go to that hot spring before it gets too dark.” Hongjoong suggests, and peeks over to Yunho and Mingi who are playing marbles with rocks they found around the bonfire area. “Some of us are cowards and I don’t want to wake the whole neighbourhood with their screaming if they get scared because of an owl again.”

“It was bigger than a normal owl! And it was WHITE, hyung! That was a ghost-owl, not a normal one, how many times do I have to say this to you to believe me?!?” Mingi cries out, a sudden shiver sending through his body as he remembers the creature.

“It wasn’t a ghost, Mingi. It was just a normal barn owl. I’m gonna give you an animal study book for Christmas.” Seonhwa nags him like a mom.

“It was scary nonetheless.” Mingi huffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest, Yunho just laughs at how cute he is and hugs him while still giggling a bit.

Yeosang comes back from the van after grabbing a few of his stuff left and sits down next to Jongho on a tree trunk gleefully. He swings his legs and Jongho feels obligated to ask what makes him so cheerful suddenly.

But instead of that, he just stares at him and admires this moment like it’s so rare it needs to be treasured inside his heart.

His members created such a comfortable space already, he almost feels like he’s a kid again, having a birthday party in the backyard of his parents’ house.
The only thing missing is his mom coming out of the house, bringing them freshly sliced fruit and juice in little cardboard boxes.

He wants to stay in this moment forever.

This place was just an empty campsite a few hours ago. All the little creatures in the grass had no idea about the busy days that were coming at them. The eight boys brought life and the fever of youth into this place, leaving them no time to be lazy.

“What’s up?” Yeosang’s sugary voice reaches his ears.

“Huh?”

“You were staring at me like you wanted to say something. Or like you wanted to eat me like a slice of lemon pound cake. I couldn’t tell which one, so I asked instead.”

Yeosang is uncommonly quirky today, and Jongho doesn’t know how to handle that.

“I was just thinking about what made you this happy. You came back like you’ve just won the lottery or something.” He knew he should’ve stopped it at that, but damn who is he to say no to his instincts, so he added “I found it cute though.”

He decided to not leave Yeosang to be too comfortable with his witty words without fighting him back with his own weapon.

He feels like winning when that good old embarrassed smile makes its appearance on the older’s face.

However, he didn’t see what was coming after that.
“Well, can’t I be happy on my boy’s birthday?” Yeosang challenges, raising a brow to add a little spice to it.

Jongho is glad no one can see inside his head right now, because all they’d see would be the words My boy written with neon letters right in the middle of the chaos that that eyebrow raise created.

His boy? What does that even mean?

“No, I… You can, of course.”

“Thank you for allowing me to.” Yeosang says, changing his tone from casual to playful, and gets up from his seat.

He leaves Jongho to be lost with his own emotions he ever so kindly stirred up, but before he turns his back to him, he brushes a hand over the younger’s back for a final attack.

And Yeosang really just leaves him like that. He came, he caused trouble, he left.

Jongho considers it amazing how freely he can do that every single time, but that doesn’t mean he’s not left miserable every time it happens. Yeosang seems like he enjoys it, for all that.

He watches in awe as Yeosang walks up to Hongjoong and Seonghwa, to be part of their discussion about going to the hot spring.

The little voices in Jonho’s mind vote on that he really needs a hug, or even two, while we’re at that, so he chooses to hide inside the tent which Wooyoung and San still haven’t left.

Wooyoung blinks at him from his little nest under San’s armpit when he opens the zipper, but he's quick to put welcoming arms out for their new company.

Jongho crawls between them and nobody says anything, they just lay there like it’s the most natural thing they always do.

Wooyoung’s hands travel up to hold his waist and pull him a bit closer, while San repositions himself for their dear maknae to see how he aces level 172 of Candy Crush on his phone.

For this once, he doesn’t feel like he wants to pull off his own skin at the feeling of being touched by his waist, and he’s extremely happy for this achievement.

They stay like this for a few minutes, only the little sounds coming from San’s phone interfering with the silence.

Distant shreds of sentences can be heard from outside the tent mixed with slowly increasing footsteps, then right before Jongho can nod off, he gets cruelly dragged out of his warm headspace as Seonghwa peeks inside, starting in a voice that’s a bit too loud for the liking of the three sleepy cats inside.

“Come on, guys. We’re going to the hot spring. Gather your stuff and be outside in 5 minutes, or else I’ll pull your asses out myself.”

San moans long and loud while stretching his arms before he sits up, accurately as disoriented as a kitten that has been separated from his mother.

Jonho makes his way out of the tent to go to the caravan to grab his little toiletry bag he always brings with himself when they travel.
It has skin care products, travel size shampoo, shower gel and a dozen patches inside besides many more little things like hair clips and hairbands.

It’s a cute little handbag with a bear sticker on the front, the one his little sister insisted on sticking there.
He always got reminded of her whenever he looked at it, and each and every time he did, his heart shrinked a little, thinking about how much he misses her.

Back in the days, people used to make fun of him for carrying these kinds of stuff with himself, even though it’s just for basic hygiene. He never understood why is it considered gay or even -as his classmates liked to say- girly to be clean and collected.

However, he slowly learned to grow out of being embarrassed about taking care of himself, but it definitely wasn’t an overnight thing to do, because his dysphoria was always so on his nerves that he loathed every situation in which he was mentioned as being girly in any given context.

Yeosang also finds his way inside and goes straight to his bag, rummaging for a bit then takes out some clean clothes and nothing else. He’s probably planning on stealing everything else from others, the lazy prince he is.

Jongho just eyes him as he walks towards the door already. Yet, the older still makes time to pat Jongho’s butt before walking out again.

And he leaves just like that, again.

The boys already gathered around the trunks by the place of the campfire when he ran towards them after closing the door behind himself carefully, still kind of lost after the previous scene between him and Yeosang.

San and Seonghwa were right in the middle of a conversation while Hongjoong and Wooyoung waved to the group to follow them to the woods.

“But if we’re gonna bathe there, aren’t we gonna hurt the fish? I don’t want them to get hurt.” San says, turning to Seonghwa, being concerned about the meeting of wildlife and his shampoo which is not so nature friendly, to say the least.

“Who do you think I am? I bought biodegradable soap for this very reason. Don’t think I’ll ever hurt a single creature of mother earth intentionally.” Seonghwa answers.

“That’s our hyung!” One of the giants says from the back, it’s hard to say which one, because they’re together all the time and at this point it’s like they’ve become one.

They reach the destination after about a ten minute walk in the forest, and as the town folks were saying to Wooyoung, it’s a very peaceful place. In fact, nobody is there at this hour, so they once again have the whole place to themselves, which they appreciate greatly.

Their well-deserved bath awaits them, and they couldn’t be happier to be able to find a place like this.

The hot spring is bigger than they all thought. The steam that welcomes them when they get closer creates such a warm and naturally comfortable atmosphere that they’re already at ease just by looking at the surface of the water.
Trees and bushes embrace the area all the way down the edges, it’s almost like a never-ending magical brook which one can’t even determine the full size of.

The last rays of the sun waltz on the tiny waves, enchanting everyone that looks at them with an everlasting longing for satisfaction that never goes away.

Jongho just stands there with his friends on his side, absorbing the grace of it all.
It’s positively the most beautiful thing he’s seen this year.
Well, besides the boy standing right next to him even in this exact moment, but it’s a different story.

He wants to reach his arm just a little bit to get a hold of Yeosang’s and just say nothing and get lost in this moment forever.

But instead of doing so, he just starts to undress, starting with his socks, after seeing everyone doing the same.

San and Wooyoung are quick to take everything off and be the first ones to submerge themselves in the water.

Jongho gulps a little, almost as if he forgot about the fact that he can’t take a bath in his clothes by looking at the two being completely unbothered already wrestling butt naked in front of the eyes of the forest.

He slowly and hesitantly, but takes his shirt off first. The members give him space, but he can still feel pairs of eyes piercing through the skin on his back, but to his surprise, nobody seems even a little bit interested in his chest when he turns over to look. All the boys are already in the water either splashing each other like five year olds, or already giving in to the pleasure the warm water provides and resting their heads on a rock near the edge.

After also taking his jeans off, he walks over to a big rock and sits on it, only his underwear left on him. He decided that at least his boxer stays on, as a shield from the cruel world but most definitely from his own bad thoughts. This is not the day he’s addressing this insecurity of his, but it’s okay. He already outdid himself by finally being able to be shirtless in front of the others, and he’s proud of himself for doing so.

Now comes the role of his little bag.

Hearing the sound of the zipper being pulled down, the two trouble makers of the group slowly glide over to the edge, their heads peeking up like some kids at an ice cream truck.

Resting his elbows on the ground and his chin on his palms, Wooyoung questions intently after seeing Jongo pulling out two patches and some very colorful tape from the little bag. “What are you doing?” He does it in the kindest voice that can possibly sit on his mouth.

“I’m just taping my...scars.” Jongho starts, rather shyly. “The wound is healed completely, but I still like to cover it to protect it sometimes.” He states, unwrapping the patches to put them over the two holes on his sides where the surgical drains left some scars.

San just watches him in peace, paying attention to whatever he says. Wooyoung, on the other hand, is restless on learning more.

He gets out of the spring, the water that is dripping down from him hitting some parts of San’s shoulder.

“Oh my god is that BT21?” He chirps, pointing at the string of tape that Jongho is holding.

The tape does, in fact, BT21 characters printed on it. Jongho didn’t even think about it that much, he just grabbed whatever he found at the pharmacy. He wasn’t in serious need of tape with some silly cartoon design, but it definitely added to the vibe, so he bought it.
After all, playing with medical supplies with funny designs on them that were made for children always undeniably made the healing process for him a hundred percent better, so who was he to say no to some cute tape.

“Yes, I suppose.” Jongho answers, taken aback by the sudden fanboying Wooyoung produced.

“This is so cool, do you have Chimmy?” Wooyoung continues with shining eyes.

“I have all kinds of it, whichever the fuck is that one.” He says, and opens the bag for Wooyoung to see if he can find what he’s looking for.

Be it a shame or not, he never learned the names of the BT21 characters, even though Wooyoung has a plush keychain of all of them and he always brings them with him.
He figured out it was time to properly memorize them so he gave it a try and hoped he remembered right on which one was Wooyoung’s favourite. “Is it that blue koala you keep on your gym bag?”

Wooyoung, looking kinda offended, holds up a brand new roll of yellow tape with the little white dog on it. “First of all, no, that’s Koya. Second, I’m taking it personally that you haven’t used this one yet.” He pouts and San giggles in the background at that.

“Why would I use several at once? I use one until it runs out, then I start another one.”

“You have literally no color in your life, Choi Jongho. I’m so sorry for you.” He says dramatically then puts the roll of tape down. “Whatever, what do you use these bad boys for?”

“They’re great for covering up my bigger scars. And also help in keeping them from stretching too much.”

Ever since Jongho had his life-changing surgery, he had to face the ugly truth that he will have evidence of it for the rest of his life. It was a pill very hard to swallow, but it was reasonably better than to live a life that didn’t feel like his.

The two horizontal scars on his chest, however, made him feel very insecure near his naturally born male mates, so he avoided taking his shirt off at all costs whenever he could.
He always felt jealous of the others regarding this matter, as the others were always running freely at home, chests exposed, having nothing to be scared of.

The doctors and his friends with similar paths said that the scars will fade eventually, but won’t disappear completely. He had a little glimpse of hope when he saw other people’s results on the internet, years after surgery, who were also working a bit on their upper body muscles to cover up the fact that they were missing something there.

He stuck the already cut to length strings of tape over his scars, then looked at Wooyoung to show it to him. “And I’m done. It’s cute, isn’t it?”

Two rows of Tata were looking at Wooyoung now from Jongho’s chest. Something he wouldn’t really understand what it meant if he was told in the morning would be happening later that day.

“Can I have some, too?” He says with a childish innocence in his character.

“But you don’t have anything to cover up, hyung.” Jongho lets out a soft laugh.

“And? I want to look pretty, too. And also because I’m proud of you for being this brave to bathe with us. I want to show off that I have matching tape with my little brother.”

Jongho’s heart melts a little at that last sentence, but he’s quick to brush it off, as it’s not the place to be all emotional.

“Don’t try to make me soft, you only want it because it’s BTS, don’t you?”

Wooyoung scratches his head and peeks his tongue out just a little. “Maybe that, too.”

Jongho smiles a little to himself as he cuts off two strings of tape of similar lengths from the yellow roll Wooyoung hands him with a coy smile.

“Where do you want it?”

“The same place you have it, for sympathy.” Wooyoung declares simply.

He sticks the tape under Wooyoung’s nipples and they both feel like they’re ready to go to war now.

Jongho also goes inside the water and makes his way to his members.

Here begins the ultimate challenge that’s called “looking at everyone’s eyes only”. Out of all of them, surprisingly, Seonghwa appears to be the hardest enemy of the day, being rather gifted down there and also not being shy about it in the slightest.
The fairly embarrassed maknae doesn’t even consider looking at Yeosang’s direction, since it would probably cause serious damage to his eyes and his heart equally.

For a moment, he kind of regrets not packing for this occasion. He’d be a little bit more confident around so many dicks if he’d just at least have something in his pants, too. But that would bring the eternal fear of the packer falling out right in the middle of the hot spring and he dumped that idea for this exact reason.

Wooyoung, for all that, is not leaving him to be too lost in his own embarrassment, as he places his head on the younger’s thighs. Jongho immediately regrets that he sat down in a place where the water is not high enough to cover his legs, allowing people like his gorgeous brother to rest their heads on them.

Jongho tries to get out of his uncomfortable state and starts to play with Wooyoung’s hair to show him that he’s okay with this sudden act of closeness, he just needs to get used to it.

The older always drags him out of his comfort zone, and for most of the time, he’s actually thankful for having this kind of a person in his life. He just takes more time to adjust to the new situations Wooyoung often surprises him with.

A few moments later, Seonhwa and Hongjoong starts to wash each other’s hair seemingly very homoerotically, and living true to their annoying image, the others begin to do the same as well.
Seonghwa gives a pump of shampoo to all of them and the hot spring quickly becomes a playground full of laughter and bubbles.

Wooyoung is still smiling comfortably on Jongho’s lap, not having a single thought about moving at all. However, that doesn’t stop him from ordering Jongho around to wash his hair.

The older male seems to enjoy the scalp massage Jongho gives him while shampooing him.

Minutes pass like this, everyone being very focused on their tasks of washing each other’s hair.

Yunho breaks the streak of not speaking for 5 minutes by now. The tower of foam Mingi so thoughtfully built on top of his head fell down as he jumped up from his seat which was, by the way, Mingi’s lap. “Fuck.”

Seonghwa looks up to him, trying to figure out what happened by looking at the other’s frightened expression. “What?”

“We forgot the towels, didn’t we?” He spits out.

Everyone looks around, but no towels are in eyesight. They really just went bathing without towels.

Jongho can hear a smacking sound from behind his back, it was probably Yeosang facepalming a little bit too hard, inferring from the muffled moaning in pain right after it.

“If you don’t play you lose! Rock, paper, scissors!” San shouts and everyone quickly joins in like their lives are depending on it. It’s like everyone understood the situation immediately and they’re willing to fight whatever it takes to not be the ones to bring the towels.

The giant boy loses and gets out of the water, accepting his defeat.
“It’s cold as hell, for your information.” He mumbles.
“Run fast, you’ll be warm in no time.” Wooyoung tosses his words to Yunho cheekily.

Right in that second when Yunho starts to prepare for a speedrun, entirely Adam and Eve style, Hongjoong basically barks at him. “At least put on a shirt and a boxer, you rascal!”

Wooyoung joins in, with a slightly more immature comment, though. “Yeah, don’t give dick for free to anyone!”

Only San laughs at that, performing his well-known spitting-out-nothing motive as he does. Glad that there's actually nothing in his mouth this time. Hongjoong won’t forget that one coke incident for a good ten years, probably.

Yunho dresses up with an uncomfortable look on his face as everything sticks immediately to his wet body. He really wants to make this small trip back to the campsite as short as possible, so he picks running. He disappears into the woods, only the very last rays of sunshine guiding him back to the campsite.

While Yunho’s away, they chat and eventually a few of them start a massage train, which means everyone is having a good time, except the person at the beginning of the chain.

They talk about everything from the weather to what to eat tomorrow, but somehow, the topic slowly shifts to Jongho, more specifically his body.

“So, how does it work exactly? If you don’t mind me asking.” Hongjoong asks, eager to be educated on the procedure of Jongho’s surgery.

“It’s very graphic, though. I can’t describe it in flower language.” Jongho warns them.

He gets various answers to that from the members, one being “Go on, we’re adults.” and the other being “Someone cover Mingi’s ears.”

After a giggle at the latter statement, he feels like the situation already gets loose enough for him to speak comfortably.

“So basically, they make the two cuts you can see here, obviously.” He points to his chest. “But they make almond shaped cuts, taking off all the excess skin and the nipples as well.” Everyone nods at that and continues to listen, eyes fixed on the movements Jongho does with his hands.

“Now the nipple part. Before throwing the cut-off skin away, the nipples have to be cut out. Funny, because the cutters look like cookie cutters, actually.”

“Damn, I want to eat cookies now.” San says being suddenly distracted by the mention of something food-related.
Hongjoong hushes him away and San adds a “Sorry, please continue.” as he shrinks a bit under the water until his mouth is covered.

“So they cut the nipples out, now the rest is useless. They stitch your skin together where the incisions are and basically just “sew” your nipples back with a few stitches as well. It’s mostly like this.”

“Ouch, that cutting and sewing part honestly sounds painful.” Mingi says, touching his chest as he imagined anything sharp having a contact with his skin there.

“It actually was.” Jongho states simply. “Well, not really, because it’s numb in a lot of areas, but also brutally hurting when you move, but only in like the first few weeks.”

“Now wait. If your nipples got cut off, I guess you lost all sensation in them, didn’t you?” Hongjoong asks, only thinking logically.

“Yeah I kind of did. Most people gain it back completely, few of them can never regain sensation. I belong to the very few people who didn’t, though. It’s been years but the strange feeling of half-numbness never really went away.” He says, his mouth only curling up to a half smile. Thinking about this kind of makes him heartbroken.

As the others try to think about something to lift the mood up a bit, Wooyoung doesn’t hesitate a minute longer and he literally teleports next to Jongho.

Before Jongho can even say a letter, Wooyoung pinches his nipple. “So you don’t feel this?”

“No, I don’t really.” Jongho laughs a little, but a glimpse of that everlasting melancholy remains in his eyes.

“And this?” Wooyoung looks at him with shiny eyes as he pinches the other one.

“Still no.” Jongho laughs again.

Hongjoong slaps on Wooyoung’s hands. “Come on, stop molesting Jongho.”

Wooyoung just pouts at the sudden act, Jongho remains silent as he’s interested in what’s coming next.

“How would you feel if I randomly pinched your nipple, huh?” He says before reaching out to give Wooyoung’s nipple a very enthusiastic pinch.

Wooyoung gasps but is quick to react, attacking back with two hands on the older’s chest.

Their little scene quickly turned into a catfight, San joining on the go, just because it looked fun.
Seonghwa is the one to finally break the fight between the two both physically and emotionally heated males.

He suggests that someone should go and take a look at Yunho, because the simple task of bringing them the towels shouldn’t take this much time. It’s already been about half an hour, and he is worried because the night has started to set in and Yunho was nowhere even near them.

Without a word, Hongjoong gets out of the water, dragging Seonghwa by his wrist.
He gestures for him that he’s better to start dressing, or else there will be consequences.

Seonghwa didn’t mean he was willing to go after Yunho when he mentioned it, in fact, he had some plans for chilling a bit more in the warm water, but after Hongjoong grabbed him ever so aggressively, maybe he even found himself being thankful that he can put on his clothes to cover his excitement after being handled like that by their leader.

The five of them stayed quiet for some time, just enjoying themselves in the calming paradise of the warm embrace of the hot spring. Some of them continued the activity they previously put on hold, massaging each other’s backs.

Wooyoung speaks up after switching positions with San, his partner now being in front of him, ready to give himself in for a back massage. “Going after Yunho, my ass. They’re probably fucking somewhere in the woods.”
Mingi lets out a wheeze at that. “What now?”

“Come on, I wasn’t born yesterday. Hongjoong also became a little… you know, excited during our little fight.” He continues, increasing the pressure on San’s back muscles under his grasp.

“No way!” Jongho is refusing to believe that Hongjoong is that type of a guy.

“Jongho, the water is not that dirty. I know a boner when I see one.” Wooyoung states.

San breaks out in a small series of giggles. “Don’t tell me you didn’t see it because it is that small!”

Everyone cracks up and their laughter echoes in the woods.

“Well, MAYBE I’m not looking at everyone’s dicks all the time.” Jongho’s comeback makes Wooyoung bite into his lips in defeat.

“I’m kind of offended, to be honest.” Wooyoung digs his fingers even deeper into San’s skin, drawing a painful whine out of him.

“They were the ones to say, and I quote ‘No fucking around during this trip’ and now Hongjoong hyung is getting d for dinner. Hypocrites, if you ask me.”

“Wait, we had that rule?” Mingi peeks out from behind Yeosang’s back.

“Well, they said it to us.” San answers. He realizes what he just said really meant, and he lets an “Oh my god” escape his mouth while Yeosang chuckles in the background.

Jongho turns towards the direction where the noise is coming from, for the first time since he entered the water. However, he quickly regrets this decision as he feels the heat travel up to his ears when his eyes catch the sight of Yeosang’s finely sculpted upper body complimented by some drops of water like they only ever existed for the sole purpose of sitting on the male’s skin at all times.

Hearing Yunho’s approaching footsteps rescue him from fainting right on the spot from the overflow of his emotions after the previous sight.

Yunho gently places the towels down on the ground and then slides in the water again, fully clothed, because he doesn’t care anymore. “Where is Hongjoong hyung and Seonghwa hyung?”

The others just exchange knowing looks. Wooyoung smirks to himself as his assumption seems to be true. “You didn’t meet them? They went searching for you.”

“Seonghwa hyung was worried because you’ve been away for too long.” San adds with a similar smile to the one that sits on Wooyoung’s face

Yunho shakes his head innocently. “I met a stray cat on my way. It looked hungry so I took it back to the camp and gave it some ham. I couldn’t help but watch it eat, it was so cute.”

“Oh my god is it still there?” Mingi’s eyes get filled with life.

“It might be there. Probably looking for someone to give it more food.”

“We have to go back, I want to see it!” Mingi says joyfully and already gets up to dry himself with one of the towels Yunho brought.

The others do the same, deciding that it’s about time to go back.

While rolling up the matchy socks he had with Mingi, Yunho can’t help but ask. “Okay but if they were not searching for me, then where did they go?”

San looks at him and without saying anything, he brings his right hand up to his face. He demonstrates the well-known gesture of moving your fist while moving your tongue inside your mouth in the same direction.

Yunho takes a moment to process what he just witnessed and doesn’t ask anything else. With cheeks turned pink, he puts on his pajama pants and is ready to go.

After everyone is dressed up, they start walking back to the campsite, dirty clothes and towels on their shoulders.
They don’t mention the two others anymore, whatever they’re doing at the moment.

On the way back, Wooyoung sneaks up to Jongho, placing a hand on the younger’s shoulder for balance and for some closure.

“No hate that I pinched your nipple?” He asks in his usual lively voice.

“No hate, hyung. I actually found it quite funny that you were that interested.”

“I mean, I had to check to be sure.” He laughs and his lightheartedness fills the air.

“But always tell me when you’re uncomfortable with something and I’ll stop, okay?” He looks at Jongho and holds his pinky finger up.

Jongho locks his own finger with his “Okay. Thank you.”

They continue on walking and before long, they reach the camp. The two older welcome them back, and it seems like they prepared for dinner already.

All kinds of meat from drumsticks to slices of steak to even a few different kinds of fish were placed on the little black folding camping table. There were also several bowls of rice and ramen with noodles. For dessert, there were various kinds of pastries containing bungeoppang, anko pan and many more besides the dozen little boxes of ice cream waiting for them in a large cooler bag. They basically brought everyone’s favourites like there was no tomorrow.

In Seonghwa’s hands there was a white cardboard box as well, hiding the treasure of the night in it.
After everyone got seated and Hongjoong gave his leaderly speech dedicated to the birthday boy, he opened the box and pulled a birthday cake out. He lit the candles and a very enthusiastically and chaotically sung birthday song later, Jongho blew them, while making a wish.

He always wished for the same thing every year.

To be seen.

Although this whole weekend was already a big gift for Jongho, Hongjoong and Yunho informed him that nobody forgot about it, but they agreed on giving him the presents when they get back at their dorm, because it would be more convenient that way. He was all giddy just thinking about all the presents the members prepared for him, but thinking about what did Yeosang pick for him made him straight up excited.

They put the cake aside and everyone quickly began walking around the table busily, putting a little bit of everything on their plates. Jongho remained in his seat and waited for the others to sit back down first to avoid any accidents.

Mingi flopped in the chair next to him and after putting his plate down, he placed a hand on Jongho’s thigh and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Eat as much as you want, okay?” He also added the sweetest smile he could ever produce for the outside world to compliment his warm, deep voice.
Jongho just gave him a smile back and quickly stood up to snatch himself a bowl of ramen to start with.

Everyone ate to their heart’s content until they were so full they felt like they could explode.
The table looked like a battlefield after war but Seonghwa, gathering all his leftover energy, managed to clean everything up before spreading his tired body out on the picnic blanket Hongjoong previously placed near the bonfire.

Jongho found himself laying on the blanket as well, his head resting on Seonghwa’s thighs as the older massaged his scalp and played with his hair ever so lovingly. The others also gathered around the bonfire and while Yunho and Mingi went to collect some firewood, Wooyoung threw an anko pan to everyone to munch on because they all had a different stomach for desserts.

“Hyung, I have to say, you two really surprised me. When did you even prepare all this?” Jongho asks, gesturing with his hands to point at all the food they bought.

“Well, it’s all thanks to Hongjoong, actually. He ordered a cake to a nearby bakery and while I went to pick it up, he bought some meat in the convenience store.” Seonghwa answers him while he unwraps the little bread in his hands.

“So you weren’t even looking for Yunho?”

“I was honestly worried about him, I have to say, but I just hoped he would find his way back to you guys.”

“Oh my god, and Wooyoung thought you guys were f-” San erupts, but Wooyoung cuts him off with a hand on his mouth.

It evolves into a little wrestling battle between the two of them on the blanket next to Seonghwa and Jongho. They fight to the point when Wooyoung accidentally knocks the anko pan out of Seonghwa’s hands. The older pretends to cry like a big baby to annoy Wooyoung and San back.

Hongjoong bonks the both of them with a stick he planned on putting marshmallows on. San lets out a small “eugh” noise when it hits his head, even though it didn’t hurt at all.
To silence Seonghwa, Wooyoung reaches up an arm from his lying position and puts his pan in Seonghwa’s mouth. Seonghwa noms on it, still a bit sulking though. Jongho can’t help but giggle on this whole chaotic scene they once again created around him.

When the two giants come back with the firewood, they light the fire and everyone scoops closer to warm their hands near it.

“Okay, who wants to play a game?” Hongjoong suggests, chewing on a raw marshmallow. He’s too impatient to wait for it to be toasted.
He seems like he found inner peace again the moment Seonghwa decided to make his way back next to him on the log bench. With Seonghwa’s soft hands in his, he even feels like playing a game all of a sudden.

“What do you want to play?” Mingi asks, petting the little stray kitten that’s sleeping peacefully on his lap. He found it, after all, and they were inseparable since then.

“I don’t know, any ideas?”

“People usually tell embarrassing stories or play risky games near bonfires, don’t they?” San says. “Maybe we could share some of our secrets, too.” He suggests.

“Lame.” Wooyoung snorts. “I want to do something more interesting than that.”

“Wooyoung I’m not playing 7 minutes of heaven with you ever again.” Hongjoong looks at him with dead serious eyes, remembering what happened the last time.

“You’re just afraid I’d seduce Seonghwa better than you, aren’t you?” Wooyoung smirks but quickly hides behind San when he sees a burned marshmallow being thrown at him. They both manage to dodge it but the cat wakes up to the sudden noise and jumps off Mingi’s lap to investigate the crime scene, and most importantly, to try to eat the marshmallow. Mingi goes after it before it could eat anything that is not for animals and sits back in his seat next to Yunho. They both try to make the cat relaxed again, like two parents trying to calm their baby.

Seonghwa grabs Hongjoong’s wrist and puts his hand back down on his thigh, squeezing his palm thightly. This wrist grabbing thing is their thing recently and it seems to be working every time one of them wants the other to obey in seconds.
“What about this? We go clockwise and everybody tells something nice to the person sitting next to them. It can be anything, you can thank the other for something, you can compliment them, just be positive.”

They all seem to like the idea, and everyone gives voice to their agreement except Wooyoung. He just rolls his eyes and whispers “lame” under his breath, but Hongjoong still manages to hear it and is preparing for another marshmallow attack before Seonghwa stops him.

“Okay, I'll start.” He beams and looks at Seonghwa on his right. “Seonghwa, thank you for keeping me sane.”

Seonghwa’s facial expressions soften at that. “It’s quite hard nowadays.” He replies.

“I’m sorry.” Hongjoong gives a peck on Seonghwa’s cheek, hushed fake-vomiting sounds suddenly break out of the two males in front of them.

“Okay, this is already boring. Next!” Wooyoung shouts, but Mingi and Yunho shush him, because their “baby” is finally sleeping again.

Seonghwa clears his throat and turns to Jongho. “Jongho, I know we say this all the time but I adore your voice and your overall passion towards singing so much. I think you’re very cool and I’m glad to have you as our maknae.” He also offers a warm smile for the younger.

“Thank you, hyung.” Is Jongho’s response before he gulps after realizing that the person next to him happens to be nobody else but Yeosang.

He wants to play it cool and give a genuine compliment to him, but without making it too in-the-feels, or else he won’t stop hearing about this moment from Wooyoung and San for the rest of his life.

“Yeosangie hyung…” He tries to lock eyes with him, however, Yeosang returns his gaze only a few seconds later when he realizes he’s the next to receive some positive words. Yeosang does his habitual eyebrow raise which makes Jongho positively lose his shit because he can’t seem to get used to it for the love of God. “You look so cool...when you’re trying hard.”

Yeosang breaks eye contact and he kind of looks like he’s holding back a laugh, but seeing how seriously Jongho said that, he decided that he’s not going to ruin the moment by shying away with a laugh like he often likes to. He bites into his lower lip instead and nods towards Jongho to give him feedback.
That’s all he’s capable of doing before turning to Wooyoung to give him a few nice words.

“Wooyoung, even though sometimes you annoy the hell out of me, I’m glad to be your friend. Not gonna lie, you give the best hugs sometimes.”

Wooyoung suddenly can’t decide whether to be offended by the first part or whether to be just happy with the rest, so he just gives Yeosang a playful smack on his shoulder while smiling at him widely.
Jongho feels a wave of jealousy curling up from his stomach to his throat. So Yeosang likes Wooyoung’s hugs. Always nice to know.

Wooyoung is the following to sprinkle the next person with positivity. Obviously, the one sitting beside him is his dear Sannie.

He doesn’t have to think for too long on what to say, he already starts speaking.

“San, my beloved. Do you remember last thursday? Thank you for giving me that awesome b-...” But he can’t finish, as their leader interrupts him.

“Oh, BY THE WAY, I forgot to mention to keep things family friendly, for the sake of the baby.”

“What baby? Jongho literally turned 21 today.” He bursts out.

When Yunho and Mingi almost asked if he meant the cat by the baby, Hongjoong already answered. “Me, I’m baby. Please don’t flex on us with your sex life with San, I don’t want to hear it.” Only after that he noticed the cat purring in Yunho’s arms and thought to himself that it would actually sound less embarrassing to say that it’s for the cat’s sake instead, but he really didn’t want to know what he thought Wooyoung was about to say.

“You don’t even know what I was about to say!”

San joins the conversation. “Come on, Woo, we all know it’s about that amazing blo-”

“Oh my god, I’m suddenly so sleepy!” Seonghwa is the one to break into the talk this time. “Don’t you wanna go to sleep already? Because I’d love to!” He says while already getting up from the bench and stretches his arms.

However, the others keep arguing and Seonghwa just stands there, with arms crossed, slightly bored, even.

“And that’s exactly why you two have a boring ass relationship. When was the last time Hongjoong hyung gave you a-...” Mingi shoves a marshmallow into his mouth so Wooyoung once again can't finish the sentence.

As the scene turns to a comedy show, the outsiders, Mingi, Yunho, Jongho and Yeosang just watch and laugh, even the campfire seems like it’s enjoying the show as it’s burning with more light than before.
Wooyoung is unstoppable.
“Damn, okay, I’m going down so hard on San tonight that the whole forest will hear about it! Just to show what you guys are missing!”

San pauses in eating his ice cream for a moment to blush shamelessly after that statement.

Hongjoong speaks up one more time before also getting up. “Go ahead but you will talk to the owner of this place when we check out!”

“AND wash everything after.” Seonghwa adds before pulling Hongjoong closer to himself by his waist and then they’re off from the situation by going to their tent and zipping it shut after Hongjoong sticks his tongue out for Wooyoung for the last time.

Wooyoung returns the gesture but other than that, he remains silent and decides to eat another marshmallow instead.

After that, the six of them continued to chat for a bit. They finished the game and Mingi got to tell Yunho how much he meant to him. Like he hasn't already said it several times.

Hours flew by but it felt like they were just seconds, quickly dissolving into the cold midnight air.
When everyone got reasonably sleepy and most importantly, before things would turn out to be unnecessarily horny between San and Wooyoung, they called it a day and everyone went to their respective “homes” for the night.

Jongho hopped on the bed while Yeosang brushed his teeth over the sink in the kitchen counter. He wasn’t sleepy in the slightest. He wondered if Yeosang felt the same.

Words from their little game earlier still kept the cogwheels in his brain running like crazy.
He can’t believe the cheesy shit he just managed to say out loud to Yeosang. Now he probably thinks he’s such a loser for saying that to him.

In hopes that it hasn't affected the other as much as it affected him, he tries to bring a casual conversation to fill the quiet atmosphere in the caravan.

“Since Wooyoung mentioned bedbugs, I actually feel like I’m itching everywhere.”

After Yeosang spits out the toothpaste, he speaks up before taking a sip of water to rinse his mouth. “I’m sure you’re just imagining it.”

When he’s finished with his night routine, he plops down next to Jongho, his thighs being slightly embarrassingly close to Jongho’s head. “Do you use body lotion?”

“No, not really.” Jongho doesn’t know why the other would ask this so suddenly, but he answers nonetheless.

“Then maybe that’s why your skin is itchy. Because it’s dry.”

Jongho just nods in tiny, finding it understandable. He keeps his mouth slightly opened as he watches Yeosang get up and walk over to his bag.

He comes back with a big tube of body lotion in his hand. “I use this. Do you want to try?”

Jongho sits up and blinks in front of himself for a few seconds. Seeing the lotion in Yeosang’s hand made him remember he forgot something really important.
“S-sure. Just a minute, I have to do something before.” And he’s off to search for his toiletry bag again.

He hears an “Okay, take your time.” from behind his back as he pulls out a small pack of gel and goes back to the bed with it in his hand.

When he opens it, the smell similar to rubbing alcohol hits the air.

“Hand sanitizer?” Yeosang asks, as he can’t think of anything else.

“I wish it was just that.” Jongho answers, handing Yeosang the little pack before taking his shirt off. Taking it in his hand, he looks closely. The package says “50mg testosterone gel, external use only”.

Yeosang looks up understandingly as Jongho takes it back from him, suddenly a bit embarrassed that he’s shirtless in front of him again.

“After it dries, I can apply lotion.” Jongho confirms while he squeezes the gel out onto his fingers and starts to spread it out on one of his shoulders.

“How often do you need to use this?” Yeosang asks out of curiosity.

“I need to use one pack every day, for the rest of my life.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.”

“It’s better than injections, to be honest.”

“Yes, I suppose. But I still feel bad for you.”

Jongho gets up to throw the empty package away and wash his hands. “Why though?”

“I mean… You have to do all of this stuff to be like us who were simply just born with it. I’m not good with words, but you know what I mean.” Yeosang fidgets with the hairband on his wrist that is still a bit wet from the bath.

“Yeah I do. But I don’t mind it, though.” Jongho shrugs. “At least I have a way to be truly myself, you know.”

“That’s actually a beautiful way of thinking about it.”

When Jongho says nothing to that, and Yeosang can’t see him smiling to himself because he turned his back to him, he continues to talk, thinking that he might have said something inappropriate.

“I mean, I really adore this side of yours. I always looked up to you for being so strong. You actually inspire me to become a better, stronger version of myself. Whenever I feel like giving up, I just have to look at you and… What am I saying? I’m already rambling about too many things, huh?” Yeosang shows a side of himself Jongho genuinely hasn't seen yet. He became shy and apologetic for finally speaking more than two words at once. The sheepish look in his eyes makes Jongho want to take him in his palms and hide him in his pocket.

“No, please continue.” is the only thing Jongho can say, being already lost in the adorable sight of Yeosang scratching his head.

“Seeing your journey makes me feel motivated, that’s all. I feel like I shouldn’t give up whenever I see you fighting so hard for your true life every day.”

“Thank you for saying it like that. It doesn’t seem like a big thing to me, as I’ve always been living like this. Since my childhood, I told myself I just have to fight harder than everyone else and I’ll be good.”

“It is a big thing, though…” Yeosang mumbles.

Jongho leaves him hanging in the air because he’s being currently robbed out of any possible answers that could keep the conversation going.
He gets up again instead, this time bringing the cream he treats his scars with. He figures out while he’s waiting for the gel to dry on his shoulder, he might as well do this as well, so he doesn’t have to bother with it later.

“You’re a pharmacy walking on two legs at this point. And you still don’t carry body lotion with yourself somehow.” Yeosang is back with his cocky remarks for a moment again.

Jongho lets out a tired laugh at that. His smile gets framed with a golden cage right in the middle of Yeosang’s chest, very close to his rapidly beating heart.
Yeosang can’t fight with the little voices in his head that tell them to keep things low key anymore. He just runs away from them. Like he so often does with things he can’t sort out recently.

His eyes settle on the artwork that lies right in front of him which happens to be Jongho’s skin on his chest. “By the way, I have to mention that your scars are beautiful.”

Jongho looks up from the middle of coating one of the lines with the treatment but Yeosang’s eyes seem immovable from their current state.

“That’s the weirdest compliment I’ve ever gotten. Do you mind elaborating on that?”

“I don’t know, I just think they’re cool. It’s like a wound you got in war. Which is kind of true, if you look at it in that way. You got it in the war of life.”

“I’ve always been ashamed of it. It's clear evidence that I’m not the same as you, or the others in our group. I’ll always be the black sheep, and these two lines will remind me of it until I’m a part of this world.”

When Yeosang sees the edge of his mouth starting to curve downwards, he’s quick to interrupt. “Can I...touch it?” He asks boldly, but his voice comes out like he’s asking something very illegal. He already reaches a hand out to indicate what he wants to do, and Jongho takes in a shuddered breath.

“Go on.”

Yeosang gently brushes his fingers on top of the soft skin. He can sense Jongho jolting up a little when his cold thumb touches an area he doesn’t feel so numb at.

“I’m sorry.” Yeosang instantly apologizes while looking up at Jongho, hands still caressing the other’s chest.

And their eyes meet for those few seconds, the seconds that feel like a lifetime for the both of them.

Jongho can’t find his voice as a result of being too lost in the older’s glossy hazel eyes that just pierced through his heart a moment ago.
Yeosang, thinking he went kind of overboard, takes his hands away from the other and hides them under his thighs, hoping that they would just magically disappear there, not causing trouble for him ever again.
Little did he know his hands are probably not the ones to hide and blame for the things he’s done tonight.

He looks like a lost puppy on the side of the bed, looking at Jongho applying the lotion on his body in silence.

Seeing him struggling to spread the cream on his back, he puts away all the shame in his heart and offers Jongho a helping hand. The younger accepts his offer and sits a bit closer to him, his back facing Yeosang.

“Your back is so wide, oh my god.” The words just fall out of his mouth as he spreads the lotion on the skin of Jongho’s back, also giving him a little shoulder massage while he’s at it. “I mean it in the most positive way, of course. Your proportions are amazing.”

Jongho can’t keep it in himself anymore and asks. “May I ask what’s with all the compliments suddenly? Is it because it’s my birthday? Did Seonghwa hyung tell you to be nice to me?” He suspects, slightly turning his head to look over his own shoulder to look at Yeosang.

“Can’t I just say nice things about you without any intention?” Yeosang’s candy-like voice rings even closer to his ear this time.

Jongho turns his head back at that and tries not to pass out from sugar overdose.

“I mean I can stop it if it bothers you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in the slightest.” The older adds, concerned.

“No, it’s not that.” Jongho begins to explain. “It just surprised me because you’re usually not like this.”

“I don’t even know myself what has gotten into me.” He giggles faintly. “But I’m kind of enjoying this sudden wave of confidence.”

He finishes rubbing Jongho’s back because his skin absorbed the lotion long ago, and also because he could see the goosebumps on Jongho’s back, thinking they’re probably there because he became cold being shirtless in the chilly air the caravan was serving for them.

He throws a playful “So please, bare with me?” accompanied by a wide, blissful smile before he gets up to wash his hands, leaving Jongho on the bed, by himself, with his racing thoughts, for probably the tenth time this day.

Jongho wonders for a minute if his head is just messing with him again, or if he actually sort of connected Yeosang’s source of sudden confidence boost with the talk they had after dinner by the bonfire.

It would make a lot of sense, but for now, he could only hope his brain is not playing games with him to laugh at him later when his assumptions turn out to be fake.

Maybe, after all, that talk opened a big gate to a new world for the both of them.
A world that is full with their compressed feelings, waiting patiently to be released.

But maybe he was just imagining it. Maybe the gate only opened to him, leaving Yeosang outside, sitting by the side, not knowing about anything that was happening behind it. Maybe he only hears Jongho’s muffled cries from the other side, but doesn’t know why he’s crying or how he can help him. Maybe he never will.

They don’t say much to each other after that. The both of them start preparing for sleeping.

Jongho brings two warm, weighted blankets and Yeosang brings a bunch of plushies, sizes varying from small to medium to even a quite big one, which he puts under his head as a pillow. They also prepare a bottle of water they place at the foot of the bed, in case anyone gets thirsty during the night and doesn’t want to wake the other by climbing out only to pour some water.

However, neither one of them feels sleepy yet. It might be because of the new, unfamiliar circumstances, or because of the cold, they can’t grasp the reason, but they simultaneously agree on not sleeping just yet.

Jongho is aimlessly scrolling through social media and watches the new updates on his favourite dramas. Yeosang pulls his Nintendo Switch out of his bag and plans on to play Animal Crossing until he runs out of battery. They keep a honorable distance between each other, even though Jongho was eyeing the plush under Yeosang’s head for a good minute by now because his neck is aching like crazy and would like to get something under his head, he just hasn’t gained enough energy in himself to ask the older yet.

Yeosang notices Jongho’s gaze basically poking a hole in his skin after another minute passes by. “You need something?”

Jongho swallows his leftover anxiety down with a big gulp and speaks.

“Can I...come closer?” He half-whispers, because it’s past midnight, after all. It’s considered quiet time in his dictionary.

Yeosang raises an eyebrow at that, but decides not to give voice to any questions that are flying around his head. He settles on a simple “Sure.” and stretches his arm out in a welcoming manner, hoping that his voice didn’t come out as shakily as he felt like it did.

Jongho snuggles closer and buries his head in Yeosang’s freshly washed hair while hiding half of his face behind his blanket. He can’t believe he's doing this.

He watches as Yeosang plays and finds it quite entertaining how fast his fingers can move on the buttons. They take turns in softly giggling at the antics the little villagers do from time to time. Jongho is glad to share this precious moment with the older. Yeosang was right, this is surely very different from their usual nights, when Wooyoung is also there with them.

On the other hand, the game slowly becomes pretty boring, as Yeosang finishes all the daily tasks he wanted to do.
He puts the console down on his stomach and stretches his hands that went numb from holding it up for a long amount of time.

Without a thought, or even a warning he pats Jongho’s head out of the blue.

Much to his amazement, Jongho doesn’t jolt or act surprised in the slightest. He just smiles sleepily and accepts the pats from him like the spirit of the stray cat from outside just possessed his body.

His puffy cheeks joyfully swim in the light that comes from the bright screen of the console.

“Gosh, you’re so cute.” Yeosang says under his breath.

“Am I?” Jongho murmurs and slides the blanket a little bit down. Now Yeosang can see his pouty lips as he’s trying to speak cutely.

Yeosang brushes a few fingers through Jongho’s hair, and he’s certain that if he keeps doing this, the other would straight up start purring for him.

He brushes his hair out of the way to look straight into his eyes and leans a bit closer before whispering “You are.”

Jongho’s ears are ringing from all the racing thoughts the other’s gaze caused in him.

He already left his chains behind the moment he stepped inside the caravan to spend a night with the boy that makes his heart skip several beats with those fierce eyes of his, so he decides to fuck everything and gives himself a chance.

“God, I want to kiss you so bad.” He says like it’s nothing, but his insides are actually shaking from what he just said.

Yeosang, however, only appears to be taken aback by the sudden tone change of the younger as he casually answers back in a matter of seconds. “And? What’s stopping you?”

Jongho searches for a steady piece in the other’s eyes to hold onto while he lets out a low sigh.

“The gate.”

“What gate?” Yeosang can’t really understand where he's going with this, but genuinely wants to understand what’s going on inside Jongho’s head more than anything right now.

“The gate you’re sitting outside of. The one that is closed for you.”

The calm lobby music coming from Yeosang’s Switch slowly starts to fade away as the battery dies out. Jongho continues, fighting back his tears at this point. He’s kind of even glad it’s pitch black now that the console turned off.

His old friend, the moon is supporting his back now, while also helping him to see Yeosang’s face who is still listening very closely to each and every one of his words, without saying a single thing.

“It has all my suppressed feelings behind it. They’re all waiting to be released.” Two warm drops of tears roll down from both of his eyes, but he manages to stop more from coming and continues. “But I can’t release them all by myself.”

Yeosang’s heart cracks a little when he feels the tears on Jongho’s skin under the touch of his fingers as he pulls him in for a passionate kiss.

Jongho gives himself away to his feelings, melting miserably into Yeosang’s embrace. He feels like his chest just opened and his heart popped out only to wrap itself up in blood red velvet fabric woven from his tears, tied together with the strings of all of the memories he so thoughtfully cherished in it for this exact moment.

They only break apart when Yeosang notices that the other is out of breath from crying so much and kissing at once.

“Did it open?” Yeosang pants, the tip of his nose gleaming in the moonlight.

Jongho places his left hand on the back of Yeosang’s neck to pull him in for another kiss. He places his other hand on his bare waist after sneaking under his shirt to hold onto something stable in this rollercoaster of a moment.
The older hisses at the gesture, not because he doesn’t like it, but more like because he feels like Jongho’s fingers are burning tiny holes in his ice cold skin. Jongho shies away after hearing that hiss, but before he can pull his hands back, Yeosang grabs his wrist and places his hand back on his waist.
The difference between their body temperatures makes his ability to suppress his moans particularly hard, but he already gave in to his fate. It hurts, but hurts so good.

This kiss is longer and slower than the first one. They gently explore each other, shy attempts of tongues twisting together towards the end.

Jongho pulls away, imprinting the current sight of Yeosang in his brain forever.
The older one looked like he definitely didn’t want to stop just yet.

“Now it did.” Jongho confirms with a tired out smile on his face. His hands warmed up the skin on Yeosang’s waist completely by now.

“I’m glad, then.” Yeosang returns the smile, feeling just as tired as the other, but looking just as hungry as well.

He pulls Jongho in for a tight hug. He’s kind of disappointed that his whole body is heated up now because he wanted to fight back by touching the other’s body all over with his cold fingers as a kind of revenge for the sudden heat attack on his waist earlier. But he’s quick to think about a way to earn some kind of a reaction from the other, so he wastes no time.

Jongho gets so surprised that he can’t keep a light moan from escaping his lips when he senses Yeosang’s tongue licking all the way up from the base of his neck to his left ear.

He doesn’t know whether to be mad or thankful for the fans for spreading the rumors around him liking neck kisses, because, as one can see, all of the rumors were built solely on the truth.

He was sure that Yeosang just wanted to test him, there was no way he actually knew that this is his weakest spot, right?

He decides on decorating Jongho’s neck with tiny little kisses. It feels like dandelions are brushing over his skin, Yeosang’s lips are that soft.

Jongho feels like his head is already spinning from all this provocation, the popping sounds of the kisses that get increasingly more wet by every second are slowly getting into him. More specifically into his pants.

He can’t help but squeeze the fabric of his sweatpants to refrain himself from grinding on the other’s thighs, even though he so desperately wants to.

Taking a quick glance down, he can see that Yeosang didn’t remain unaffected either. His boxer looks painfully tight on him but he’s currently too busy to pull out all the suppressed moans out of Jongho’s throat to care about it yet.

Jongho lets out a mildly hysterical whine and his head falls into the crook of Yeosang’s neck when Yeosang starts to experiment with the pressure he puts on Jongho’s waist as he’s holding him with both hands. It feels so good to be held by the other like that, Jongho can’t even begin to explain. It’s like he’s keeping him together, fearing that he would break apart any second.

The younger gasps when Yeosang’s right hand starts to trail down all of a sudden.
Before grabbing his butt, Yeosang retreats a bit, making sure Jongho is looking into his eyes and gives him consent on doing so.

Jongho feels like the only way he can either calm himself a bit down or heat things up even more is to kiss Yeosang, so he does just that.

He feels that same warm feeling in his stomach like he did for the first time they kissed and he can’t get enough of it. He’d be totally satisfied if they were just to kiss all night.

However, he quickly changes his mind when Yeosang bites into his lower lip without a single warning and it feels exactly like a lightning of pleasure traveled through his entire body.

He breaks the kiss and just looks at the other with begging eyes, both of his fists still squeezing painstakingly on his pants.

“Can I…?” Yeosang whispers in a raspy voice. He sounds so fucked out already that Jongho wants to scream into a pillow after hearing him saying those two words.

“Yes, please, you fucking can.” Jongho doesn’t care about language anymore, but Yeosang doesn’t seem to care about manners either. He loosens the lace in Jongho’s sweatpants with his long, delicate fingers.
He then places his left hand back on his waist to keep him in his place while slowly slides the right under the pants.

Jongho jumps a little at the touch of the other, even though he only managed to touch the outside of his underwear yet.

He’s kind of embarrassed because he feels Yeosang’s knowing eyes looking at him in the dark after finding out that he soaked his panties already from just some kisses.

“Looks like you got a bit excited, huh?” Yeosang starts, bringing his lower voice to the surface to seduce Jongho even more.

Jongho’s eyes are shut tight from the embarrassment but he gathers all his energy to open them to look into Yeosang’s eyes that are burning fiercely with pure passion.

“You look at me with those eyes like you want to eat me alive and expect me not to?” He pants.

A soft laugh escapes Yeosang’s mouth at that, and he continues on with his business inside Jongho’s pants.
He’s teasing the younger a little bit more before he takes the next step, though.
After brushing his fingers over the wet fabric a few times, he puts two of his fingers under the waistband of Jongho’s underwear and pulls on it. The snapping sound of the band on his skin when he lets go echoes in the caravan.

“Fuck!” Jongho whines, growing impatient. “Hyung...please!” He urges the older.

The word “hyung” got into Yeosang immediately, and after hearing the younger’s desperate moans, he acts faster than lighting, for his own sanity as well.

He slides his whole hand under Jongho’s underwear and doesn’t hesitate to do what feels just right.

Jongho feels like electricity strikes through his entire abdomen when Yeosang puts the first finger inside. He slowly but surely gets used to it and starts to move his hips on it to show Yeosang that he wants more.

The older, on the other hand, is currently appreciating the sight in front of him, because it’s not every day that he sees Jongho like this. He finds it devastatingly cute how Jongho forgets about his face and keeps a little pout on his lips while focusing on not collapsing on the spot, probably.
He quickly gets dragged out of his cotton-candy fluffy fantasy world when Jongho grabs him without saying a word, reminding him how painful his erection was.
Realizing that Jongho probably did this for attention, he leaned closer and gave him a chaste kiss.

Before long, he put his middle finger in as well, and kind of felt sorry for Jongho for not clipping his nails but honestly, he didn’t think the two of them would end up like this when he woke up in the morning.

After all, Jongho seemed, or more like sounded like he actually quite enjoyed the fact that his nails were a bit longer when he was rather clumsily looking for his sweet spot.

When Jongho suddenly arched his back and took a quick inhale that sounded more like a little hiccup, he knew he finally found it.

Jongho’s hands were all over the place on Yeosang’s body, digging deep into his skin, always trying to hold onto something like he was on top of a high building, being afraid of falling down. He was definitely not giving him a break.

“More! I need more…” Jongho whined, he wasn’t satisfied enough with the painfully slow pace Yeosang’s fingers moved in.

“More?” Yeosang raised both his eyebrows at him. “What do you need more of, baby?” He moaned in his ears. He didn’t know how long he could stay without touching himself, but he didn’t want to let go of Jongho’s waist either, because it just felt so good to grab on his love handles.

Jongho squeezes his asscheeks after the mention of the petname, it might or might not be his favourite of them all. He wants to dissolve into thin air thinking about that Yeosang probably knows that as well.
Yeosang groans, feeling like he’s slowly losing his mind from everything that is happening between them.

“Faster...I need it faster…” Jongho says with teary eyes.

“You do?” Yeosang feels like he’s also playing his own patience game at this point.

“Yes...fuck...please just...do it already!” The younger blurts out.

“Hm…” Yeosang smirks while he hooks his fingers up inside Jongho and stops every motion. “Then beg for it.”

“Oh fuck you!” Jongho cries out.

“Sorry, I haven’t heard you asking nicely, please try again.”

“Fuck...like I’m gonna…!” Jongho tries to move on his own, but Yeosang keeps his waist down so fiercely with even one hand that it’s impossible for him to do anything.
He underestimated the fact that the other was also hitting up the gym lately.
On the other hand, he found it so hot that he now had a competition in terms of strength.

All of a sudden, Yeosang pulls his fingers out, making Jongho whine about the loss.
Little did he know that he did this only to have two available hands to grab him and toss him over so he’s laying under him completely.

Feeling completely defeated, but even more amazed, Jongho doesn’t let out a single sound and just watches Yeosang taking off his shirt in complete silence. He throws his sweat-soaked shirt on the ground with a little bit more enthusiasm than necessary.

All he can focus on when the other reaches out to pull his sweatpants down are the massive veins on his lower arms and hands. They probably popped out due to the insane pressure he was putting on his waist just moments ago.

Jongho felt like a thousand butterflies could crawl out of his chest at any moment as he kept maintaining eye contact with the man on top of him.

Yeosang leaned closer. “Do you want to try asking it again?”

They both pulled out a sly smile at each other at the same time. Yeosang because he wanted to intimidate the shit out of Jongho, and Jongho because he had a plan in mind Yeosang didn’t know of yet.
Seeing Jongho smile instead of being surprised or whipped, Yeosang suddenly didn’t know what to do with the situation.

Jongho could see him almost falling out of character for a second and he hoped that he made Yeosang feel even just a fragment of what he was feeling when the other was looking at him just like that.

Jongho didn’t answer him but instead let the actions speak for themselves as his left hand made its way into Yeosang’s pants immediately.
He grabbed his throbbing erection with not even a pinch of mercy, but damn, it felt like he was touching hot iron.
Yeosang hissed, but tried not to lose his cool that easily.

Jongho began on giving him a few experimental pumps before he’d grab the tip and not let go until Yeosang said what he wanted. “Pretty please?” He looked up, trying to play an innocent bear. Yeosang could a hundred percent imagine some cute bear ears on his head right now.

“Don’t t-think I’m that easy.” Yeosang said between two low moans, because he was, in fact, that easy. He just wanted to play hard to get, but he could possibly lose his mind in seconds if Jongho moved his hands in the right way.

Jongho wasn’t satisfied with the answer so he grabbed the back of Yeosang’s neck and pulled him down for a heated kiss while he strengthened the grip on the other’s member.
Yeosang moaned into the kiss so erotically, Jongho could cry right then, right there.

Yeosang was the one to break the connection between their lips, a string of saliva hanging between their lower lips until he swiped it off with his hand. “Listen, let’s have a deal.”

“I like deals.” Jongho smiles and lets go of Yeosang.

But Yeosang is quick to react and grabs him by his wrist. “You do this, I do that.” He puts Jongho’s hand back to his crotch. “You dictate the tempo.”

He spits on his fingers and before Jongho could say anything, he’s back inside him with his middle and pointer finger.

“Only fair play, though! If you dare to squeeze it one more damn time, I’m gonna scratch so watch the fuck out!” He warns him aggressively and also demonstrates what he will do if the other disobeys.

The unexpected sensation of Yeosang scratching his insides with his long nails makes Jongho squeeze the older’s tip so hard that precum starts leaking out of him.

They both silently agree that the play only begins after the both of them successfully showed each other what not to do.

Jongho starts working on Yeosang slowly then picks up a pace that feels satisfying enough for the both of them. After a while, he can sense that Yeosang might be near his climax as his moves appear to be sloppier and sloppier after each stroke on his cock.

“You’re gonna go already?” Jongho huffs, as if he’s not on the brink of having an orgasm himself.

“Shut the...fuck...up.” Yeosang hisses with gritted teeth. He’s genuinely doing quite a good job on Jongho, considering how fucked out he sounds, looks and feels right now.

“Ah, my hyungie is going to come for me?” Jongho says in a mocking voice, but is having a really hard time at not moaning after every single word. When Yeosang looks at him in shock, with an expression that says “you just did not-” he pouts as well, to complete his final attack.

Yeosang stops moving and comes with a long, loud moan that rings in Jongho’s ears so beautifully, he doesn’t even care anymore that the unbelievably huge amount of Yeosang’s load is staining his favourite shirt at the moment. The orgasm shaked him so hard, he needed a couple of seconds to come down to earth again to proceed to continue pleasuring his partner.

Now that he can focus on him entirely, he makes sure to make Jongho have the orgasm of his life. He finds his spot again and tries to stretch and dig his fingers as deeply as he can.
When Jongho feels like it can’t be any better, Yeosang leans closer and bites into the skin on his neck.
Even though Yeosang really wanted to see Jongho when he comes, he decides on leaving a hickey on his neck as well, to finish things off.

Jongho is just a hiccuping mess as the pain from the hickey gets mixed with the immeasurable pleasure he feels thanks to the other’s talented fingers. He can’t believe Yeosang is doing every single thing he’s weak for at once.

“Oh my fucking god, I hate you so much!” He whines out of frustration before coming. He’s just so mad at Yeosang for being literally perfect. He still can’t believe he exists.

“I love you too, baby.” Yeosang says after leaning back to look at him.
Jongho is shaking uncontrollably under his hold. He carefully pulls his fingers out, because he doesn’t want to overstimulate the younger, but Jongho still erupts in another loud moan even though he tried to do it very slowly.

He wipes his fingers off on Jongho’s shirt then gently holds his cheeks in both hands. He brushes his thumbs on his cheekbones soothingly until the younger comes off his high.

Jongho looks up at him and just smiles to himself with closed eyes. Yeosang finds it so cute that he can’t not leave a few little pecks on his face.

When the both of them get back to earth completely, they start to clean up the mess they created. They walk around inside the caravan on shaky legs, holding onto the furniture from time to time while looking for wet tissues in their bags and a set of new clothes.

Hopping back on the bed, they decide that it’s tomorrow’s problem to figure out how to wash out the cum stains from Jongho’s shirt.

They cuddle under the blankets, both of them kind of still in a shock after what they just did.
They both know that they need to talk about this more thoroughly one day, but that day isn’t this one, they silently agree on that as well.

Jongho breaks the silence after they were just laying on their backs awkwardly, looking fixedly on the ceiling for more than ten minutes.

“I know I’m shameless but…” He starts, but Yeosang immediately adds “Whatever is coming next, you’re not shameless in the slightest.”

“Can I come closer?” Jongho says in a tiny voice and Yeosang bursts out laughing. “That’s the thing you feel shameless for?”

“Can I come or not?” Jongho pouts.

“Of course you can, you dumbass.” Yeosang says and covers his eyes with one of his hands in embarrassment. He can’t believe Jongho. He can’t even believe himself, to be honest.
He can’t believe the both of them.

Jongho wiggles over to him and makes himself at home on Yeosang’s chest. He watches as his chest rises and falls as he’s breathing, and listens to his heart beating.

There is a huge chaos going on in the kingdom in his mind. The gate is now collapsed. His prince found his way in, breaking off the chains from the hard, metal cages that captured all of his feelings inside.

Is that what he wanted?

The feelings were now running around everywhere freely, causing a mess all around, like little children without supervision.

Do they need to be taken care of?
Should he do anything with them?

Does he want to do anything with them?

“Are you okay, though?” Yeosang’s voice echoes in the room after another few minutes of silence.

“Hm?” Jongho looks up, not knowing what the question is exactly.

“It must’ve been hard because...you know.” Yeosang is struggling to gather the right words to create a sentence. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable in any way.”

Jongho feels his eyes slowly getting filled with tears. When he doesn’t answer and Yeosang only hears a sniffle from his direction, he sits up, alarmed. “Did I say anything wrong? I’m so sorry.” He’s trying to look into the younger’s eyes but he’s just looking down, wanting to disappear as he’s wiping his tears away with his fists.

Jongho finally looks up, his teary eyes shining in the dazzling light of the moon. “No, you didn’t.” He takes in a shuddered breath. “You’re just the first person to actually ask that.” He says with a shaky voice, getting more and more quieter with each word.

“Oh my god, Jongho.” Yeosang’s heart aches at hearing that, he can’t help but pull the other into a tight hug. He feels as Jongho lets out a big sigh and he tightens the grip on his back even more. It’s like the other would fall apart if he didn’t hold him tight enough.

Jongho wants to stay in Yeosang’s warm embrace forever.
“You make me feel so safe, you can’t even imagine.” He mumbles into the crook of Yeosang’s neck.

“You could never make me feel uncomfortable. I’m willing to give everything of me if it’s for you.” He continues, looking out of the window over Yeosang’s shoulder, not wanting to break apart just yet. “You make me feel so valid, so seen. I can’t even believe you really exist.”

Yeosang lets go of him and leans back to face him. “But I do exist. And you absolutely deserve all my attention, so you better believe it.” He whispers after bringing their foreheads together.

“I want you to know that you’re always safe with me. I hate seeing you in pain, so I’m trying to do my best, okay?” He brushes a thumb over Jongho’s temples.

Jongho just nods at that, trying to swallow down the new wave of tears with trembling lips.

Right before the cruel silence that made its way between them again could steal the tears out of his lover’s swollen eyes, Yeosang pulled back and began searching for something around them.

The thing he was searching for was the bottle of water they placed on the bed earlier that night. “Here, have some. I don’t want you to die on me because of dehydration.” He hands it to Jongho with a bittersweet smile.

Jongho takes it from him and takes a few sips of water. It became quiet for a few seconds as he stopped sniffling while drinking.

He feels his throat open up a bit again, the urge to cry is no longer tormenting him.

But no matter how much he drinks, nothing can ease the everlasting thirst he felt for the love of the man sitting in front of him.

“Better?” Yeosang asks.

“Yes, thank you.” Jongho sniffs for one last time.

They lay back after that, Yeosang holds Jongho close to his heart both physically and mentally.

“I wish I could take away all the pain from your life just like that.” He ponders.

“You kind of can, actually. You just can’t see it.” Jongho answers him. “I’d be basically miserable without you.”

“But I’m not even doing much. I’ve always felt bad about not giving you the care you deserve, but I was just too shy to get closer to you. I didn’t want to weird you out or something.” Yeosang laughs tiredly.

“I can resonate with the shy part.” Jongho adds, hugging his bear plushie closer to himself. “I’ve always wanted to get closer to you, but I was afraid you’d be uncomfortable. And I’m not a man of actions, anyways. I’m honestly so jealous of Wooyoung for living his life just being completely shameless.”

“Don’t be. Everyone has their own pace. And everyone shows love differently.”

“You’re right. But still, I’m such a fuckup sometimes.”

“You’re not!” Yeosang raises his voice a bit, and Jongho jolts out of surprise, since he almost nodded off already. Seeing that, Yeosang decides to whisper from now on. “You’re not a fuckup, Jongho.”

Hearing the other whispering his own name makes Jongho basically swim in the bliss of the moment. “Thank you for saying that. Thank you for always saying such nice things to me.”

“You’re kinda keeping me together, you know.”

“You, too, are the one that’s keeping me together, I have to say” Yeosang gives the top of his head a small peck.

His whispering is like a compass to Jongho in the dark. When the fog in his mind gets too thick, he just has to close his eyes and give all of his trust into the other’s voice.

Whenever he feels lost, Yeosang always reassures him with his sweet words, the ones that come straight from his heart.

Together, they can see the light again. Together, they can reach the utopia they all wish for.

Perhaps, they already found it.

In a small campsite, inside a rusty caravan. Under the stars, under the warm blankets that accompanied thousands of strangers during their various adventures in their lives.

Maybe some of them hugged each other closely, just like this. Some of them hoped for a better tomorrow, a better future. Some of them just wanted a strong hand, holding theirs, as they go over all the obstacles of the unknown future that is ahead of them.

Maybe some of them are out there, already living the lives others can only dream of at the moment.

Maybe some of them are no longer here, but they carry all of the cries and laughs of their loved ones in their chests, near their faded heart.

“Yeosang, your world is so calming.” Jongho whispers, on the edge of falling asleep. “I want to be a part of it, forever.”

Yeosang hums and squeezes Jongho’s hand. “Don’t worry, you will be”

“Forever.” His words dissolve into the air and the both of them get dragged into the world of dreams with a smile on their faces.