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Technoblade Does a Fucking Binky

Summary:

SBI find something out that comes with Techno being of bunny origin when Phil offers him carrots.

Of course, Wilbur immediately knows what it is, like a nerd.

Techno is not a happy bunny.

Notes:

*I am dyslexic so apologies for any mistakes in advance! I run it through a checker to filter most of my mistakes but it doesn't catch everything!*

for those who don't know, a rabbit does a thing called a binky when they are very happy! they jump in the air, twist their bodies and flop their ears around. it's very cute

also don't feed rabbits only carrots irl :}

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Phil rummages through his various chests, shuffling items around as he organizes them. He suspects Tommy might have somehow mixed his items up, because he knows it wasn't this bad when he last checked. Also, several items are missing. Most definitely Tommy, seeing as Fundy learned his lesson last time. Phil sighs as he closes the chest he was digging around in. Eventually, he'll get his items back, Tommy probably took them without even realizing. 

A light padding of steps enters his hearing, and he throws a glance over his shoulder at the visitor. Techno stands unwaveringly in the landing area, one hand against a support beam.

"Philza." Techno stares at him with a grumpy expression.

Phil turns around to give Techno his full attention. "Yeah?" Techno splays out his hand in front of him, making a grabbing motion. Phil tilts his head at him teasingly, "Carrots?"

Techno nods slightly, grunting. Phil can tell he seems impatient. "I'm out of them. Also, I got the lapis you wanted, so pay up old man." Phil laughs as he whirls back in the direction of the chests, wings sweeping the floor delicately. He cracks open one he suspects his carrots might be in. He grins as he spots them, reaching in.

"Alright mate, I got your carrots." Phil dangles them in the air from their leaves.

Techno's eyes visibly widen, and he begins to quickly make his way over to where Phil stands. Halfway there, Techno abruptly jumps and twists in the air before landing back down. His ears barely scraped the roof of Phil's base. Phil stares at him with a strange expression. Techno seems to be unaffected, aside from a slightly frizzed coat.

"Mate?" Phil tilts his head slightly as Techno greedily snatches the carrots from his loose grip. "What was that?"

Techno gives him the same strange expression back. "What was what?"

"...Nevermind."

Techno shrugs, and briskly strides out of Phil's house, jumping into the snow below. Phil has no idea what he just witnessed. He stares at the lapis that was left in his hand in return and throws it into one of his chests to be organized later.


-


"Wilbur! Wilbur, I see him!" Tommy hisses out to the phantom, who seems to not be paying Tommy any mind. Tommy nudges his arm harshly, Wilbur giving him an annoyed look.

"So what? He got his revenge," Wilbur shrugs, "There's nothing he can get us for now." He pauses, eyes narrowed in Tommy's direction. "Unless you did something-"

"I did nothing Wilbur, you know I'm a man of great morals." Tommy glares back at Wilbur, who simply shrugs again and returns to his task. Tommy doesn't say anything further, only whimpering as he remembers the wrath of Philza he faced the other day. When he told Wilbur, he simply laughed. Tommy didn't think it was funny. In fact, it was what he would call a 'Trauma Moment.'

At least Wilbur stopped laughing when he saw the damage to his home.

Tommy peaks out the entrance, watching as Phil lands sturdily onto the ground. He elegantly tucks his wings against his back and Tommy feels a pang of jealousy, ruffling his gliding wings.

"He landed, he's walking our way!" He mutters.

"What's he gonna do anyway? He's just gonna come over here and beat us up?" Wilbur blankly watches Tommy as his wings flutter in panic.

"Well I don't know, but he's been bribing Technoblade with carrots lately. He could be sneaking around the premises and then we're both gonna die because of your ineptitude Wilbur." Tommy snarls back, fists curled and wings puffing up sharply.

"Hm, somebody learned a new word," Wilbur smirks as he places items in a crafting table, feeling the heat of Tommy's fury from across the room.

"I'm gonna kill-"

A gentle knock against the house stops Tommy in his tracks. "Uh, hello?"

Tommy looks horrified as turns to face the voice. He immediately starts attempting a sentence, "O-oh! Philza! My good friend with whom I have not had any negative relations! We were just talking about you!"

"About... Killing me?" Phil smiles weakly.

Tommy waves his hands around, "No no no! Of course not! I was simply notifying Wilbur that his life will be ending shortly." Phil snorts.

Wilbur waves at Phil from his position next to the hole in the wall before flipping him off. "Thanks for the extra work, Phil."

Phil deadpans, "That's what you get for killing my bird, you dickhead." Wilbur sticks his tongue out at him and phases through the wall to work on reconstruction.

Tommy claps his hands together nervously, shifting on his feet. "Sooo... what do you need?"

Phil snaps his fingers, remembering his initial reason for visiting. "Oh yeah, I think you took some of my items. I kinda need them back." Tommy nods vigorously and scampers to his storage without question. He rustles around for a few seconds before holding up the stolen tools. Phil contentedly takes his items back.

"Is... Is that all?" Tommy cautiously glances around for a reason Phil is unsure of.

Phil raises his hands in defence. "Uh... yeah?"

"Yoooo."

To say that Tommy startled would be underexaggerating. His face scrunches as he points two accusatory fingers at the visitors. "WILBUR! I WAS RIGHT! YOU BITCH!"

"What are you talking about?" Phil asks, a bit spooked by the sudden shout.

Tommy falters, "Wh- you're not? Huh?"

"...Aaannyways, Phil can you do the thing with the carrots again?" Techno looks at Phil expectantly from the hole in the wall, ears peaking up curiously.

"Warming up to it?" Phil laughs as Techno tosses the carrots to him, Tommy dramatically ducking. "I told you, mate."

"They just taste better, what can I say?" Techno shifts, bored. Phil steps to a crafting table, surrounding the carrots in a wrap of golden nuggets. Wilbur appears next to Tommy, giving him a shit-eating grin as Techno harmlessly waits for Phil to make him the special carrots. Tommy swats at him, annoyed.

"Alright, here you go." Phil mimics his actions from earlier, holding the shiny carrots by the leaves loosely.

Techno raises an eyebrow, "Toss 'em over then."

"Nah mate, you have to get them yourself." Phil hides a devious smile.

"...Fine." He grumpily climbs through the explosion hole, keeping his pace even as he moves across the room.

 

It happens again.

 

He does a small hop, shakes his ears, and twists his body midair. 

When he lands, the others are staring at him. Embarrassed, Techno quickly snatches the carrots and pockets them. He's about to leave the suffocating shocked atmosphere when Wilbur speaks up.

"Did Technoblade just do a fucking binky?" Techno sighs, rubbing his face.

Immediately, Wilbur rushes up to him with craze, "Techno?" He looks at Wilbur with a pained expression.

Wilbur's eyes light up, "Awww! Bunnyblade! Awww bunny's so cute isn't he?" He squishes Techno's face, which earns him a death stare. Tommy bursts out into a loud wheeze, keeling over on the ground.

"The fuck is a binky?" Phil chuckles.

"Don't, Wil-"

"-It's what a bunny does when they're really happy or excited." Wilbur beams smugly at Technoblade, who seems to be counting how many bones he can break before it's considered attempted murder.

"Awww, mate!" Phil steps towards Techno, over Tommy's body, with his hands clasped together in affection.

"Philza if you get any closer to me I'm gonna bite the hell out of you." Techno threatens as he continuously pushes Wilbur away from him. His self-control starts to loosen as Wilbur repeatedly tries to pet and squish him, all while cooing in his annoying baby animal voice.

He thumps. Loudly.

It echoes throughout the open house with its volume. He realizes he has sentenced himself to death. He swiftly uses the silent surprise that settled among the others to make his escape. Techno makes a break for it, vaulting through the gaping hole in the wall.

"Techno!" Phil calls out, in hopes of trying to get him to cool off. It's useless, he's already far in the distance. Phil can faintly see him angrily nibbling on his carrots.

Phil exhales as he looks to a mischievously grinning Wilbur, "He's gonna beat your ass for that later, you know." Wilbur waves him off.

"Yeah, well now I gotta know if he does any other bunny stuff," he kicks Tommy, "Help me repatch this hole instead of lying there." Tommy groans as he slides himself to his knees, "Watch my ribs you dickface, they hurt."

Phil huffs under his breath as he takes his leave, wings spreading for flight. He has to admit, he's quite curious about Techno's mannerisms as well.

Maybe he'll just have to plan an adventure with him at some point.

Notes:

hope you enjoyed! sorry if it's kinda short lol I just had to get this prompt out of my brain

anyway i highly suggest you go look up videos of rabbits doing binkies. its amazing.

also apologies if the fic is kind of scuffed, I don't practice free writing a lot because i get discouraged easily by my dyslexia (thanks school and acamedic writing) and most things I do write I will never post to the public so !! a! !!

**constructive criticsm welcome!**