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"You've pushed this too far, Steve!" He gestures angrily at the impossibly large basket of lube, accessories, and who the fuck knows - maybe voice-activated vibrators, considering who must be responsible. "What? Tomorrow you want to tell Stark which one you liked best? This joke was your idea, and you couldn't even look me in the eyes down there!" By the last word, he realizes he's shouting.
"Fine, Bucky, you know what, fine. You're right." Steve's voice goes hard. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'll tell Tony he wins and once the teasing dies down we can forget this ever happened." He grabs the basket before yanking open the hotel room door. With angry tension in every line of his body, Steve up-ends it on the hallway floor, drops the basket on top, and slams the door on Stark's mocking one-upmanship. Then, he just stands there.
Bucky stares at his back and hisses, "No. Honestly Steve, tell me the mission objective here." He takes a step forward with fists clenched, and demands, "You had a plan, didn't you. Beyond fucking with them." It's not a question, because he knows Steve. He knows Steve, so he takes a deep breath and consciously stretches open his hands at his sides. Feeling his way past the embarrassment of the evening, the hope that died a little more every time Steve's gaze skittered away, the hidden anger which flared every time Steve tensed up and steeled himself just to touch Bucky, he tries to think it through. "What was the next step in your grand plan, Steve?", Now he is asking, and he takes another step forward. He doesn't even know what he wants Steve to say at this point.
After a moment of silence, Bucky watches Steve's head drop and his shoulders sag. "I don't know, Buck." He rubs the back of his neck, his voice going softer, defeated. "I thought. I wanted... They're always pushing. If we..."
Steve's voice fades without even completing a fucking sentence and Bucky feels the anger swell. He feels the cut of his nails into his palm as his hands fist again. "You wanted, Steve? You thought? Did you think? What did you think - that this would be harmless fun? So we tell them we're dating, but then did you think that there wouldn't be repercussions to agreeing to a PARTY? That Tony Fucking Stark wouldn't take up the fucking gauntlet you threw down, attach a blaster to it, and shoot the god-dammed thing off not caring about collateral damage? Everyone we've worked with was there. Everyone we know was watching us at that party." His voice cracks, and he steps closer. There were only a few inches remaining between him and Steve's frozen form.
He drops his forehead to rest against Steve's spine, and exposes the feelings he swore - years ago and in another century - that he would never let Steve see.
"For a fucking prank. Stevie," he whispers. "I went along because I wanted it to be real." He takes a shallow breath and squeezes his eyes closed. "This. Here, now... Stevie, it's ok now. It's allowed. I thought, if-" He straightens his spine abruptly and turns away, controlling his voice. "You know what, Steve? You're right. Forget it. Never mind. We'll forget all of this as soon as your friends let us." Bucky walks to the window, letting his eyes grow unfocused and the lights outside blur together.
This was the worst slip yet, but he's managed before. He will take 30 seconds, a few slow breaths, and he will relax his muscles. Focus. He will recover this, he will find the words and it will be fine. All he has to do is-
His planning is cut off by a choked-off sound behind him. "Bucky?"
Turning his head at Steve's tone, his thoughts stutter at the confused hope he imagines is there on Steve's face.
"Bucky, you've never said anything about guys. I heard you tell Natasha you'd only ever dated women? Was that true?"
Of course Steve is gonna push. Bucky turns towards him, but looks to the side when he shrugs. "I've never been with a guy," he confirms.
"Do...you want to?" He almost sounds hesitant. "Bucky, look at me?" When he looks up, Steve nervously licks his lips and takes a breath. "Do you want to be with a guy, Buck?" Steve holds his eyes and waits, and doesn't miss the slight nod Bucky eventually gives him. "Me?"
Bucky stares, feeling his heartbeat in his fingertips, hearing the faint re-calibration in his arm as his body tries to prepare for...something. "It's only ever been you, Steve," he whispers.
Then the big dork starts to laugh.
"Buck, what are we doing?" Steve's shoulders are shaking as he rubs both hands across his face. "It's always been you, too" he says through his fingers, the fondness unmistakable. Uncovering his face, he waves behind him. "Fuck, when I saw that basket..." he shakes his head. "I don't even know how some of that stuff is supposed to be used." With a quirked smile, he asks, "suppose they come with instructions?"
Bucky stands unmoving, staring at Steve and trying to understand.
Steve sighs and walks to the bed. Sitting down, he looks up at Bucky, and he's more relaxed than he's been since Natasha started her dedicated campaign to get Steve dating. "So what now, huh? We gonna give this a try? I gotta tell you, Buck, I can't do this casual. We can take it at whatever pace you want, but you've always been it for me."
Bucky doesn't try to stop his smile as he steps between Steve's spread knees. "Oh Stevie. I think we've taken this slowly enough, don't you?" He sets his right hand on Steve's cheek, brushing his thumb towards the corner of his mouth. For the first time since they were teens, he hopes all his feelings for this man are clearly visible to be seen.
Steve's eyes crinkle at the corners, and he lifts his hands to Bucky's hips. "You know, I've never been with a fella either." His fingers make small circles, just brushing past the waistband of Bucky's slacks. "Suppose we can figure this out together?" His gaze traces slowly down Bucky's body, then back up to meet his eyes.
Bucky lifts an eyebrow and smirks. "Stark has presented us with a unique learning opportunity..." He tips his head towards the hallway. "What do you say we look for those instruction manuals?"
Enjoying the red flushing down Steve's face, Bucky adjusts his expression to something colder as he stalks to the door and flings it open. Keeping his head down to hide his amusement, he imagines Stark watching from the security feed as he gathers the colorful boxes off the floor. When he lets himself really see what he's handling, he hopes his hair hides his growing blush. He thinks about what is about to happen. The ideas are building in his head as he steps back into their room and lets the door close behind him.