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The Real Royalty of the United States: High-Tier Dynasties That Shaped Our History
Cyrus Armstrong, Zahid Barakat
…As far as we can tell, the East Coast based Sylvester dynasty began in early medieval Britannia. We can trace the family to circa 1027 AD, but the first time they were conclusively mentioned in historical writings was during a period of civil war in 1330.
In the twelfth century the Sylvesters were a major political and economic power as they were extremely high ranked. Scientists have estimated their level to be around 8.0., which was a powerful level for the time period. The Sylvesters also held the Barony of South Sylvester, which was rich in natural resources. (Note that the Barony would not become a Dukedom until 1337, and the ruling Lords and Ladies of the house were known as Baron/Baroness Sylvester until that point.) Therefore, the Sylvesters held a substantial influence over who became king or queen of England. They would continue to hold that power until they left for the Americas in the 1700s.
Baroness Gwenyth, the ruling Lady of Sylvester during the civil war, was allied with King Edward III. King Edward led a successful coup d'etat against his mother, known today as the "she-wolf". When Edward was on the throne, out of gratitude to the Sylvesters for their timely assistance, he betrothed his newborn daughter Isabella to Gwenyth’s son Robert.
“...for your faithfulness and loyalty to our cause, I offer you the thanks of myself and of this great kingdom, and offer a betrothal of marriage of our children: my daughter Isabella, who is of a year old, and your son Robert, who is of two, and that they may be married when they come of age, and that our two families be tied not only in spirit but in marriage as well.” (“A letter from King Edward III” 1333)
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The 20 Richest Royals in the World
by Hemera Kendal
- Duchess Benoȋte Lysander, France - $4 Billion (Averaging with a 7.5 Ability Level, whoo!)
The Lysanders of Winchester are closely connected to the fabulous French royal house of Bourbon. 83-year-old matriarch Duchess Benoȋte’s fortune comes from centuries of familial wealth, as well as the family’s multiple properties, such as the magnificent Chȃteau de la Casmir and Chȃteau du Frémasse.
Duchess Benoȋte is due to leave her vast fortune to her children, Laurette Lysander , Louvel Lysander , Ilbert Lysander , Fabian Lysander , and Renard de Bourbon …
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JT Banking Gains New CFO
By Verity Ward
Exclusive investment group JT (Jacinthe Talbot) Banking acquired a new Chief Financial Officer this past Thursday. Mary Sylvester, SVP, accepted the position according to a company-wide communiqué. Former CFO Dominic Vittori resigned from his position in order to spend more time with his family, said a spokesperson for the organization.
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Opinion: Prospero Jamison Ruined His Own Chances as a Gubernatorial Candidate
By Azra Manco
Everyone knows it’s better to quit while you’re ahead. To the surprise of no one, this idea didn’t register with Prospero Jamison, who decided to throw caution (and the advice of his allies) to the wind, and make yet another bid for governor of Arizona.
When you lose the backing of your top donors, such as Arkwright Inc. and Sylvester United, you should probably start preparing for defeat. Yet Jamison blindly ignored the signs, telling CBN that he was “prepared to overcome any challenges headed [his] way”. However, when faced with problems, Jamison resorted to doubling down on his radical eco-utopia narrative. Sadly for him, it took until several super PACs dropped him for him to see the writing on the wall.
While Jamison was making lofty speeches about the importance of crypto-revolutionism in an attempt to regain support, his opponent Merci Abbatangelo went up five points in the polls…
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Wellston High School Celebrates 17 Years as Turf Wars Champions
By Odille Etain
Wellston Private High School is one of the most prestigious academies on the East Coast, boasting impressive alumni, vast extracurricular activities, and devoted teachers and educators. Next week the school will commemorate 17 years undefeated in turf wars in the entire state of Massachusetts.
The Royalty of Wellston High School will make a public announcement of the event on all of the school’s social media, and there will be a special assembly with Governor Andrea Hook as a special guest.
“This is a proud moment for our school.” Wellston’s headmaster, Mr. Vaughn, said to the journal. “We will be honored to recognize our Royals for their dedication, efficiency, and leadership skills. I hope their example will inspire other students to continue to strive for excellence in every way.”
Wellston High School was last defeated by Agwin High School. 17 years before, Agwin's newest king...
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Ervin Emile Seen With Model Girlfriend At Pop Star’s Birthday Party
Jude Ferguson
Ervin Emile and model Cherilyn Mackenzie were spotted canoodling last weekend on a yacht in Turks and Caicos. The “House of Horrors” star, 43, and his girlfriend, 22, were partying in celebration of singer Alize Kane’s 33rd birthday.
Emile was dressed casually in a black button-down and white pants, while Cherilyn drew everyone’s attention in a baby-pink body-con dress .
Exclusive photos from the event show Cherilyn using a sparkle creation ability with fellow model Otto Garcia, who has a light creation ability. Rumors have circled that Cherilyn might be an elite-tier , but an insider gave assurances that she was not. This confirms the theory that Emile is continuing his tradition of exclusively dating mid-tier blondes with his newest catch.
At the party Emile was seen hanging out with friends such as singer-songwriter Kamron, fellow movie star Mel Marquez, and notorious high-class playboy Ilbert Lysander…
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“Titonicus Andrus” Premiers in Theaters to Rave Reviews
By Aurelio Flores
William Speareshake’s bloodiest play has been the recipient of negative attention ever since its publication in 1863. Criticized for its graphic violence and depiction of Germanic peoples, “Titonicus Andrus” was not adapted for the big screen until the 1990s. Director Malakai Jeffers took on this project with a single-minded determination to turn Speareshake’s work into a contemporary piece that puts the psychological and visceral elements over interpretation and the fantastical.
“Titonicus Andrus” is, unsurprisingly, a tragedy. Titonicus, a general in the Roman army, gives Temora, Queen of the Goths, as a slave to the new Roman emperor, Saturnalus. Saturnalus takes the vengeful woman as his wife. Temora vows to make Titonicus suffer for killing her son. Blood rains over Rome as Titonicus and his family war with Temora, and in the slaughter that follows, no one is spared.
Critics call the movie an “eruption of savagery” and “somber, almost to a disturbing effect.” Colors are used, as they often are in Jeffers’ films, sparingly. The set is a white, almost dystopian city, which is as beautiful as it is haunting. The few scenes we get of the former home of the Goths depict a much more natural, neutral world, a stark difference from the cold brutalism of Rome. After the death of his sons, Titonicus dresses in red, while Temora is victorious in purple, and yet the background is so dark that both colors seem black in some shots. Jeffers uses color as a tool to express the desires and deceptions of the characters.
Jeffers takes some directorial liberties with the abilities of the characters. Speareshake said nothing of Luvinia’s ability in the original “Titonicus Andrus”, only that she was a mid-tier. Jeffers changes this by giving Luvinia a “sonic scream” ability, which appears to be quite powerful. This makes thematic sense. When Temora’s sons Dimitrius and Chyron cut off Luvinia’s tongue, they not only do it so she can tell no one that they assaulted her, but also so she can’t use her ability to fight back. Temora’s sons not only take away Luvinia’s freedom, but her ability, and her voice.
With its R rating, “Titonicus Andrus” pulls no punches. The brutality of Speareshake’s original work is shone in all of its horrible glory, but Jeffers doesn’t press our focus into the gore and death and destruction. Instead, we viewers are pushed to examine the emotional and psychological turmoil these actions have on the characters. We observe the rage, the grief, the desperation, and finally the triumph of Titonicus. Yet even in the last act of the movie, where Titonicus takes his final revenge against the Goth queen Temora, there is no relief. There is no joy. There is only an end, a closure, perhaps. As the credits roll, the audience must ask the question: was any of it worth it?