Chapter Text
Feng Xin trailed after Mu Qing after he threw one of his usual fits and stormed off. And yet, Feng Xin followed him every time. He’d known Mu Qing long enough to know that it was more for show than anything else, but Feng Xin fell for it every time.
Part of the reason was because he couldn’t stand Mu Qing starting a fight and ending it by walking away. He couldn’t let Mu Qing get away with having the last word.
On the other hand, he just couldn’t bear the thought that Mu Qing would stay angry with him. Feng Xin didn’t know anyone else that could hold a grudge like Mu Qing did. It honestly scared him just how far Mu Qing would go. Therefore, he couldn’t let the slightest chance that Mu Qing was truly upset slip by because he could hold it against Feng Xin for months. They fought enough as it was.
“A-Qing, slow down.” Instead, Mu Qing hiked even faster up the trail, causing Feng Xin to sigh in frustration behind him. “It’s too early for this. Why are you already getting worked up?”
Mu Qing whirled around to poke an accusing finger at Feng Xin’s chest. “Why do you care? Why are you even following me in the first place? Didn’t you say we already spend enough time together?”
Feng Xin rolled his eyes as Mu Qing turned back around to storm off angrily. “Now you’re just being petty-”
“Oh yes, ‘cause it’s always me that acts out. It’s not like you’ve never been petty before-”
“That’s not the point!” Feng Xin interrupted as he tried to catch up to Mu Qing. “You’re the one misinterpreting what I was saying and running away with it.”
“Then leave, dammit!"
“But you’re the one who brought me here!”
“I didn’t force you!” Mu Qing screamed back as he shoved at Feng Xin’s chest this time, and Feng Xin paused in surprise at seeing Mu Qing genuinely furious at him. “Yeah I woke you up and prodded you to come, but it’s not like I changed your clothes and carried you all the way here! You came along. You didn’t have to!”
Mu Qing was right. Feng Xin didn’t have to come, and he most certainly didn’t want to. However, when Mu Qing was pushing at him to join, he could tell that this was something important to Mu Qing. No matter what, Feng Xin was going to be there for Mu Qing when the other needed him. So yes, he joined a hiking trip when he didn’t want to, but it was more important to him that Mu Qing was happy.
Yet, it seemed that Mu Qing was feeling the exact opposite at the moment.
As he started to explain, Mu Qing huffed in impatience and stalked away. Feng Xin ran after him again but then he started to glance at their surroundings. They weren’t anywhere near water like they were supposed to be, and the “trail” they were walking on didn’t have any markers and was barely paved.
Afraid they were starting to get lost, Feng Xin reached for Mu Qing’s elbow to turn them around, but Mu Qing slapped his hand away. “A-Qing, listen to me. I think we’re going the wrong way. Let’s turn back."
“I think I know how to follow a trail, thank you very much.” Mu Qing snapped in a tone dripping with venom. “You’re just trying to leave. Go ahead. See if I care.” He continued walking in the wrong direction, and Feng Xin continued chasing after him.
“That’s not it!” He grabbed Mu Qing’s elbow again and managed to stop him in his tracks. “I just don’t want to be out here all day wandering around in the wilderness! Can’t you stop for a second?!”
“Why don’t you believe that I know where I’m going??”
“Do you have a map?” Feng Xin shot back in a deadly serious tone, and Mu Qing slowly shook his head. “Well I’d believe you a lot more if you had some kind of a map, but you don’t! Just admit you don’t know where we are and let’s turn around!”
“You go ahead! Leave already, asshole.”
“You know I can’t leave you!”
Mu Qing’s burning fury faltered as he widened his eyes at Feng Xin’s statement. Feng Xin didn’t know why the other was so surprised. He should know by now that Feng Xin would never leave Mu Qing. That he would never leave Mu Qing to be alone when he knew Mu Qing wanted anything but that.
Whatever Mu Qing was going through, Feng Xin was going to be there for him. Why couldn’t he just see that?
“You’ve been leaving me plenty lately, so I don’t know why you’re so concerned about it now.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?!” Feng Xin searched for an answer, but Mu Qing turned away with a closed expression as he crossed his arms. He kept his back to Feng Xin, refusing to answer.
“Leave me alone already. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Mu Qing, wait-” He reached out for Mu Qing, but Mu Qing stubbornly stepped forward. Feng Xin was about ready to tackle Mu Qing and make him answer until he noticed the other moving closer to an edge of the cliff.
He couldn’t see how far the drop was from where he was standing, but Feng Xin couldn’t risk anything happening to Mu Qing. “Stop! Please you’re about to-”
It was too late. Mu Qing refused to listen and the next thing they knew, he was falling off the side of the cliff. Feng Xin’s body was moving before he even had time to think. He jumped off of the edge, which was thankfully a short fall and landed next to where Mu Qing was sprawled on the ground.
He would usually laugh at how Mu Qing had just screamed a second ago, but he could barely hear anything over his pounding heart and couldn’t care about anything other than if Mu Qing was alright.
“Holy shit that hurt. Bet you’re dying to say I told you so-”
“Cut the crap, A-Qing!” Mu Qing flinched at Feng Xin’s worried shout that came across as more crazed than Feng Xin had ever heard himself sound. “Where does it hurt? Did you break anything? Is it your ankle or your foot? Where exactly did you land? Did you hit your head? Please don’t tell me you hit your head-”
“A-Xin.” Mu Qing cut in quietly but firmly as he placed a gentle hand on Feng Xin’s shoulders and a tentative hand on Feng Xin’s cheek. Feng Xin couldn’t face Mu Qing as he scanned over every area of Mu Qing’s body for some indication of hurt. Or worse, something broken. “I didn’t break anything.”
Feng Xin continued applying pressure to every bone that could break on Mu Qing’s body, searching for any kind of painful reaction from Mu Qing. However, Mu Qing didn’t swear, wince, or flinch at all. “I’m fine, calm down.”
“I’ve worked with all kinds of stunt doubles over the years and anytime they get injured they lie and play it off.” He squeezed Mu Qing’s ankle, but again, there was no reaction.
“Well I’m not an actor nor a stunt double so you can’t base me off of them.”
“But you’ve perfected faking it.” Feng Xin shot right back much harsher than he intended. “I’ve watched you cover up and hide your suffering before. How do I know that this isn’t any different? How do I know if you’re not pretending to be fine?”
“A-Xin.” This time, Mu Qing forcefully raised Feng Xin’s chin so that he had to face him. Somehow, the rest of the noise from the forest fell away and the only sound left was Feng Xin’s ravaged breathing. It was as if time had stopped for everything around them, and Feng Xin was allowed to keep living in this moment where Mu Qing was smiling softly at him. “When it really mattered, have I ever lied to you? When it really counted, have I ever faked anything in front of you?”
Feng Xin’s throat dried, making him unable to articulate an answer. Mu Qing’s smile widened at Feng Xin’s speechless expression. “Besides, if I really was hurt, don’t you think I’d be more upset?”
Well, that was true. Mu Qing would not be calm in any situation where he was injured and would most certainly not be smiling.
“Still, I’m not taking any chances.” Feng Xin began to massage Mu Qing’s ankles, and his face warmed at the sight of Mu Qing’s lashes fluttering as he sighed in pleasure. “For heaven’s sake, next week is runway week. You’ll be on your feet all the time working with those models.”
Mu Qing froze with eyes wider than Feng Xin had ever seen. He never understood why Mu Qing was always so surprised whenever Feng Xin remembered what Mu Qing told him. Feng Xin always listened to Mu Qing, whether it was important or not. Either way, he was always going to remember it, and if it was important, he’d continue to remember and be concerned about it.
“T-Thank you, but I promise you I’m not injured.” Mu Qing patted the backpack he was leaning back against. “I landed on my back with this underneath me. It broke my fall. I said that it hurt because it knocked the wind right out of me. Nothing else hurts, I’m serious.”
Feng Xin analyzed Mu Qing’s body again, finishing with his eyes. They held no trace of mockery, lies, or holding back. Mu Qing really was telling the truth. However, the worry inside of Feng Xin couldn’t disappear like that. He had to make sure, at least until his heart stopped racing and his fingers quit shaking.
“Fine, but we’re still heading back.” Mu Qing nodded in surprisingly quiet cooperation. “And I’m going to carry you the entire way back.”
“Wait, what-” Mu Qing broke off as Feng Xin moved his arms underneath Mu Qing’s body to lift him in a cradle in Feng Xin’s arms. Feng Xin smirked down at Mu Qing’s flustered expression as his face transformed into bright red. No matter how many times he’d seen Mu Qing’s blush, he never stopped loving the sight of it.
“Off we go.”
“What? No! Put me down first!”
“But I have to carry you down,” Feng Xin insisted as Mu Qing squirmed in his hold, slapping at Feng Xin’s arms. “Can’t you be appreciative for once?”
“S-Shut up.” Feng Xin chuckled as Mu Qing purposely avoided facing him. “If you have to, then carry me on your back. You know, like any normal person would do.”
Feng Xin rolled his eyes but set Mu Qing down anyway. They adjusted their positions so that Feng Xin was now holding onto the back of Mu Qing’s legs and Mu Qing’s arms were wrapped around Feng Xin’s neck. “There was a reason I didn’t want to do this. The last thing I want is to let your hands anywhere near my neck.”
Mu Qing chuckled quietly in Feng Xin’s ear, and he immediately started to love this more than how he previously held Mu Qing. “And here I thought you were into that sort of thing."
In an instant, Feng Xin tripped over a root from a nearby tree, causing them both to stumble. Mu Qing cackled in his ear while he slapped at Feng Xin to keep his balance. “If you hadn’t spouted such ridiculous things in my ear, I wouldn’t have tripped!”
However, Mu Qing didn’t apologize, and Feng Xin knew better than to think the other would feel any remorse. He just hoped that Mu Qing wasn’t able to feel his nor hear his racing heart. Luckily, Mu Qing wasn’t able to see his face because even Feng Xin wasn’t sure how red he appeared.
He expected Mu Qing to spout more ridiculousness, but he kept quiet. Mu Qing rested his head on his arm with his nose brushing against Feng Xin’s ear and his warm breath tickling Feng Xin’s neck. He slightly tightened his hold on Feng Xin, as if he was pulling Feng Xin closer into an embrace.
Feng Xin’s heart immediately softened at that. He wished he could embrace Mu Qing back, but he had to focus on returning them safely to the car. Whether they were fighting, watching TV, or listening to music, there was always noise whenever Feng Xin and Mu Qing were together.
Yet, for once, they both remained silent. And Feng Xin loved every second of it. He loved being able to bask in this comfortable silence with him. He wished they could find more time to simply enjoy being together instead of always getting so wrapped up in something else. But for now, he would enjoy this time together.
They arrived at the parking lot much faster than Feng Xin liked, but he was grateful Mu Qing still wasn’t showing any signs of injury. He checked over Mu Qing several times before finally letting go of him. “Okay, you seem fine for now, but I’m insisting we see a doctor just in case.”
“Sure.”
Feng Xin raised his eyebrow in suspicion. “‘Sure’? That’s it??” Mu Qing shrugged, nonchalantly. “Is this some kind of trap I’m falling for?”
“No, dumbass.” Mu Qing sighed in exasperation. As Feng Xin moved to the driver’s side, Mu Qing grabbed his hand to pull him back. “Just as long as you’re staying with me.”
Feng Xin let one of his rare smiles emerge as he squeezed Mu Qing’s hand. “Like I said before, I’m not leaving you.”
Like Feng Xin promised, he never left Mu Qing’s side even when the doctor explicitly told him to stay in the waiting room. He stayed right next to Mu Qing as they made sure he hadn’t been injured, which he hadn’t. But Feng Xin still wasn’t taking any chances. As a result, he insisted that Mu Qing stay at his apartment until the end of next week.
Feng Xin was more than surprised to find that Mu Qing didn’t have any objections to that. Instead, he agreed immediately and arrived with his belongings in less than an hour at Feng Xin’s place.
At first, Feng Xin expected Mu Qing to start conflicts like usual or snap at every little thing Feng Xin knew that the other hated. But he didn’t. He wasn’t pissed, yelling, or aggressive. Not one bit.
Instead, he greeted Feng Xin whenever he returned home or if Mu Qing arrived first, he made sure to greet Feng Xin at the door. He helped Feng Xin with whatever meal he was cooking for them and laid on the couch with Feng Xin to watch a movie every night.
When Feng Xin wanted to check over Mu Qing’s body for any lingering pain, he simply let Feng Xin do it. When Feng Xin would adjust their positions on the couch so he could massage Mu Qing’s ankles and feet after a long day on his feet, Mu Qing didn’t slap him away. When Feng Xin returned from work, exhausted after training the latest stunt doubles, and wanted to go straight to bed, Mu Qing never fought him on it.
Mu Qing surprised Feng Xin even more when during those nights, Mu Qing would silently sit next to Feng Xin, rubbing his back until Feng Xin fell into a deep, relaxed sleep. When he woke up early the next morning, Feng Xin couldn’t have been happier to wake up to Mu Qing’s sleeping face staring back at him.
More often than not, Feng Xin thought he was dreaming a very long, very realistic dream. He was ready to finally wake up and get into another petty fight with Mu Qing about absolutely nothing. But he didn’t. He continued waking up to days where he and Mu Qing would talk about anything or sometimes not even talk at all. Just basking in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s company.
For some reason, it felt like they were closer. Closer than they’ve ever been before, and although Feng Xin didn’t want to ruin it, he wanted more. Therefore, when they would sit next to each other, he would casually sling his arm around Mu Qing’s shoulder and Mu Qing would silently lean into his touch. When they were eating at the table or driving in the car, he would place his hand on top of Mu Qing’s, and Mu Qing would squeeze his hand back.
There were so many times in the past where Feng Xin would reach for a simple touch and more often than not would be burned by Mu Qing. As a result, he learned to keep his distance. To never touch unless Mu Qing initiated it or desperately needed it.
However, there were times where Feng Xin just couldn’t hold back anymore. And now was one of those times.
Towards the end of the week, Feng Xin walked by the guest room to find Mu Qing in front of the mirror, ready to blow dry his hair. Although Feng Xin knew he should keep walking, he entered the room anyway. Mu Qing turned in surprise before lifting his lips in a kind smile. “Good morning, A-Xin.”
It was too early for Feng Xin’s heart to be hurting like this. “Good morning. Here, let me.” Before Mu Qing could turn on the blow dryer, Feng Xin offered to help, and Mu Qing obliged. He sat on a chair in front of the mirror while Feng Xin stood behind him, drying his hair. He made sure to take his time, slowly running his hands through Mu Qing’s beautiful, soft hair. He couldn’t hold back a smile as he watched Mu Qing relax into his touch with closed eyes.
“This is nice.” Mu Qing sighed after Feng Xin finished and began combing out Mu Qing’s hair.
“I should hope so, otherwise, you’d let me know if it wasn’t.”
Mu Qing huffed in annoyance at Feng Xin’s sarcasm. “Shut up. I was talking about living together, although you combing out my hair does feel nice.”
“We lived together in the dorms for four years and you never said any of this.”
Mu Qing avoided his gaze in the mirror as he fiddled with the ends of his hair. “It was different then.”
Tempted to ask for more, Feng Xin also understood what Mu Qing meant even without needing it explained further. They were both so busy trying to make it on time to classes and clubs that they barely saw each other. And even when they did, they were both too busy completing assignments at the last minute and then yelling at each other to keep quiet while they studied. Also, Xie Lian came over so often that he was like another dormmate.
Now, they have grown, matured, and discovered their careers. They were able to fully understand the feelings that were confusing them at the time. Now, they were able to live so peacefully together during this past week that being dormmates felt like it happened a lifetime ago.
“Yeah, I get it.” Feng Xin finally answered as he finished combing Mu Qing’s hair but continued running his hands through it. “And I think it’s been really nice this past week, too.”
For once, Mu Qing actually beamed up at him, and Feng Xin wished he could have taken a picture because he never wanted to forget that affectionate smile. “Good.”
“Good.”
They smiled at each other for a long moment before Mu Qing’s phone rang and he rushed to answer it. Soon enough, he was off to work, leaving Feng Xin to ponder over everything alone. As much as Feng Xin wanted to keep living together like this, Mu Qing was supposed to return to his home tomorrow.
He wanted nothing more than to ask Mu Qing to stay, but he knew better. He didn’t want to push Mu Qing too far and either scare him away or piss him off. He didn’t want this time to be tarnished by anything, so he buried his feelings. He buried his yearning to live with Mu Qing.
He acted like he always did, even as Mu Qing started packing that night. And even as Mu Qing started walking out the door the next morning.
Feng Xin stood in the doorway, summoning every ounce of self-control he possessed not to grab Mu Qing and pull him back inside. Instead, he gripped the door handle as he leaned against it. “Even though you thought it was extreme, I’m glad you were never injured.”
“Thank you.” Mu Qing nodded bashfully, or what Feng Xin guessed was bashfulness. Because in all of the years he’d known Mu Qing, he’s never seen him bashful. “I still can’t believe that you’d take care of me like this-”
“Why not?” Feng Xin interrupted, frustrated, causing Mu Qing’s eyes to widen. “I don’t understand why it’s such a shock that I’d care for you. That I would want to take care of you. We’ve known each other since we were children. We’ve lived together. You are the person I trust the most and am the closest to. I’ve always cared for you, so why is that so surprising? What don’t you get???”
Now Feng Xin was shocked speechless as tears began to form in Mu Qing’s eyes. He shook his head before pressing it into Feng Xin’s shoulder. “I don’t know.” Mu Qing raised his arms to grip the back of Feng Xin’s t-shirt, and Feng Xin immediately lifted his arms to embrace him back.
He held the back of Mu Qing’s head with one hand while the other was wrapped around Mu Qing’s back. He pulled Mu Qing in closer so that he could whisper in his ear, “You really are so stupid.”
“That’s why!”
Mu Qing wrenched himself out of the embrace with an accusing finger pointed at Feng Xin. “That’s why I’m so confused. One minute you say all of that and now you’re calling me-”
“Shut the hell up already.” Feng Xin chuckled as he swatted Mu Qing’s finger away. “Just get to the station or else you’re going to miss the train.”
Mu Qing’s expression faltered before he ducked his head with a nod. “You’re right. T-Thank you for everything, Feng Xin.”
Thoughtless and impulsive, Feng Xin stepped forward to press a tender kiss on Mu Qing’s forehead. “Of course.”
Mu Qing moved back with a gasp and burning cheeks. He sputtered incoherently, but before he could get anything out, his phone began to ring. He scrambled to answer it and then sprinted down the street with a curse. Feng Xin could only chuckle and wave after him.
He didn’t want to go back into his apartment alone. He didn’t want to deal with the silence, so he didn’t. He stayed at a bar down the street for the rest of the day until his phone vibrated with a single text.
Thank you for everything again. Hope to see you soon.
Even if Mu Qing wasn’t there to greet him at home anymore, Feng Xin could face that apartment alone. Because he knew that soon, Mu Qing would be there smiling at him again.
Feng Xin reloaded his messages for the tenth time. Hua Cheng texted him out of the blue earlier to meet up for a “date,” but it had already been fifteen minutes since they were supposed to meet. Therefore, he’d been at the entrance of this aquarium, looking like a fool as he waited off to the side while countless children kept walking in while their parents gave him suspicious looks.
After another parent whispered to their child and hurried inside, Feng Xin gave up and started to walk away until someone caught his eye.
Mu Qing was waiting by the other side of the entrance, also glancing down at his phone in irritation. Feng Xin’s initial reaction was to walk to him, but he froze as he noticed Mu Qing’s appearance. He was wearing a white button-up with a navy suit jacket on top and slim-fitting slacks tucked into black boots. His long hair was down and curled so beautifully that Feng Xin’s breath caught in his throat. Feng Xin knew Mu Qing well enough to know jewelry was minimal, but for some reason, Mu Qing had donned an expensive silver watch with several golden studs and small hoops covering his ears.
Feng Xin had always found Mu Qing very attractive. But now, he couldn’t help but notice how hot he really looked.
His curiosity overtook him as he barged up to Mu Qing. “A-Qing, what’re you doing here?”
Mu Qing jolted in surprise as he faced Feng Xin. “W-What’re you doing here?!”
“Meeting Hua Cheng.”
“Well I’m supposed to meet Xie Lian.”
They both paused before their phones vibrated with texts from their representatives “partners.” Feng Xin sighed in frustration at Hua Cheng’s last-minute notice on bailing on their date, but he wasn’t too upset now that Mu Qing was here.
“I can’t believe this. I go through all this trouble just for him to cancel?!” Mu Qing started to dial Xie Lian’s number, but Feng Xin turned the other’s phone off and pushed it away. “What’re you doing now??”
“It’s fine. Since we’re already here, why don’t we go inside?”
Mu Qing glanced between Feng Xin’s outstretched hand and the building. “T-Together?”
“Yes, together, dumbass.” Mu Qing bristled at the retort as Feng Xin chuckled fondly. “We were obviously both here to have a date but since it’s been cancelled, why can’t we have one of our own? Like you said, you went through all the trouble of looking so beautiful, so let’s not do nothing.”
Feng Xin watched with satisfaction as Mu Qing’s suspicious expression transformed into flustered. “You think I’m beautiful?” Feng Xin nodded. “How come you’ve never said that before?”
“Has there ever been a time you haven’t reacted badly to what I’ve said?” Feng Xin replied seriously, and Mu Qing paused as he pondered it over. “I’ve tried before, but it’s always gone south with you. I took the hint and stopped.”
“T-That’s not what I wanted!”
“Oh really?” Feng Xin raised his eyebrow mischievously as he leaned in close to tug on the lapel of Mu Qing’s jacket while keeping their eyes locked. “You look so incredibly hot today, A-Qing. If you weren’t frowning so much I might even say sexy.”
“W-What- why you- you little motherfuc-”
Feng Xin crossed his arms with a look he hoped was conveying, See?, as Mu Qing sputtered and shouted at him furiously. Luckily, it seemed Mu Qing eventually took the hint and broke off in frustration as he turned away from Feng Xin.
He was about to apologize to Mu Qing for taking it too far because he was not in the mood to get into a fight at the moment. But then the strangest thing happened. Mu Qing’s ears began to turn beet red, which spread across his face. Feng Xin was about to ask if he was feeling sick until Mu Qing spoke up in the softest voice.
“T-Thank you.” Feng Xin widened his eyes, not only because of how quietly Mu Qing was talking but also how sincere he sounded. “And you- I, um, I always love it when you wear that leather jacket. You look really good in it.”
Feng Xin glanced down at his outfit. Because it was only Hua Cheng he was supposed to meet with, he just threw on a white t-shirt and jeans with his black leather jacket on top. He never expected Mu Qing to actually favor it because anytime he wore it, Mu Qing mocked him for it.
Instead of mocking him, for once, Feng Xin accepted the compliment before holding out his elbow for Mu Qing and gesturing to the open doors. Without a word, Mu Qing wrapped his hand around Feng Xin’s elbow and followed him inside.
They completely lost track of time as they wandered throughout the aquarium. Although Feng Xin understood why kids were the main visitors, he could also see the romantic aspect of it. He was starting to suspect that this had been planned, but he didn’t feel like ending the date anytime soon, so he kept quiet.
He remained by Mu Qing’s side with their arms linked together as they walked around. Sometimes, he even dared to place his hand on top of Mu Qing’s. Or even lean in close to whisper in Mu Qing’s ear, lingering long enough to compliment the other on his cologne. Although Mu Qing would still become flustered, he didn’t shout and cuss the hell out of him. It was definitely a start in the right direction.
When they finished their tour, Feng Xin was reluctant to return home. He never expected Mu Qing to offer to walk Feng Xin back to his apartment and thankfully, he did. It was the perfect chance for him to ask when he’d been pondering over for days.
As they stopped in front of his door, Feng Xin couldn’t fight back the smile widening across his face. “Thank you for joining me today. I really enjoyed your company. I missed you.”
Mu Qing blushed to his roots but stood firm as he faced Feng Xin with perked lips. “It’s only been a couple days.” Feng Xin gave him a flat look. “B-But I missed you, too.”
“Good.” Feng Xin bravely reached out to run his fingers through Mu Qing’s hair. He felt Mu Qing stiffen but reflexively tilt his head towards Feng Xin with parted lips. If this wasn’t a sign to kiss Mu Qing, Feng Xin didn’t know what was.
However, as he leaned it, Mu Qing blurted out, “I’m not dating Xie Lian!!”
Feng Xin froze for a second before bursting out in laughter just like when this all first started. “I know. No matter what you think, I’m really not that dumb-”
“No, you don’t get it.” Mu Qing took a forceful step back, and Feng Xin was confused as to why he was becoming angry now. “I tell you that and it means nothing to you?? It never bothered you at all.”
“What? What’re you talking about-”
“I love you Feng Xin and you still don’t care!!” Mu Qing shouted with tears glistening in his eyes. “You still keep going on about your life like I could never mean more to you. And that nothing I do will ever change that-”
“A-Qing, listen to me!” Feng Xin interrupted as he tilted Mu Qing’s chin towards him while his other hand wiped away the falling tears. “Of course you mean more to me, why else would we have been dating?”
Mu Qing’s entire body froze and his tears instantly stilled as he stared at Feng Xin in complete bewilderment. “What..? What do you mean we’re dating?”
Feng Xin tilted his head in confusion. He chuckled lightly, hoping this was some kind of joke that his lover was playing on him. “Exactly like I said. We’re partners. I know you know this.”
Mu Qing shook his head ever so slowly. “No- no I don’t. What’re you talking about?”
“You can’t be serious.” However, Feng Xin hadn’t seen Mu Qing more serious than he was at the moment. “We told each other way back during the final year of college.” He searched for recognition, but Mu Qing remained baffled. “When I broke up with that woman I’d been dating for a year. Remember anything, now?” Mu Qing nodded, slowly.
With a sigh of relief, Feng Xin began to explain more as Mu Qing gestured for him to continue. “I was only dating her because I watched you go from one man to the next. I was hurt and I was jealous so I thought the only way to protect myself was to date someone seriously. After a while, I couldn’t fake it anymore and broke it off.”
“That night my friends took me out to go drinking and I invited you.” Mu Qing nodded again, and Feng Xin watched as the gears were slowly turning in his mind. “I stayed in the back booth with you while my friends were off hitting on people. I didn’t think you drank that much, but you were lying on the table, slurring your words.”
Feng Xin had to lean in close to even make sense of what Mu Qing was saying then. It was something he would never forget for the rest of his life.
Now I can tell you I love you. Now I finally have a chance.
Back then, Feng Xin never dared to hope that Mu Qing would return his feelings, so when he heard it, he almost cried. He was so happy.
He brushed Mu Qing’s tangled hair aside and smiled down at Mu Qing’s flushed face. You don’t need a chance because you already have me. I love you, too. The smile Mu Qing had given him then was an image he seared into his memory forever. He was sure then that Mu Qing had heard him and understood. As a result, he brought Mu Qing back to their dorm later and tucked them into bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms.
When he woke up the next morning, Mu Qing was constantly blushing and flustered that Feng Xin guessed that he was just embarrassed about what he said. “I didn’t think that you forgot about it. I thought for sure you remembered.”
“I was wasted that night. Of course I wouldn’t remember!!” Mu Qing shouted back, and Feng Xin almost fainted as he recalled these past years and how all along he was the only one thinking they were together. “I just woke up with you in bed and was scared I went too far or something, but you never said anything so I forgot about it.”
“I was trying to be considerate because you seemed embarrassed about it!” Feng Xin wished this wasn’t happening. Mu Qing had to have gotten the hint along the way. Feng Xin hadn’t been subtle. “Then why do you think I built my company down the street from yours?” Mu Qing shrugged helplessly. “Why do you think I call you almost every night? Why do I bring you meals when I’m worried? Why haven’t I dated but spent all of my time with you?”
“So then you and Hua Cheng..?”
“It obviously wasn’t real.” Feng Xin watched as Mu Qing’s expression fell more by the second. “I was only going along with it because I thought you were trying to help them get together. That’s why Hua Cheng wanted me to do it, so I thought Xie Lian asked you for the same thing.”
Mu Qing shook his head before collapsing to his knees in defeat. “I-I can’t believe this. I can’t believe that all of this time we’ve been together and I didn’t know about it.” The tears from before began to form in Mu Qing’s eyes again. “I can’t believe that I’ve been hurting you by pushing you away so much and then hurting myself by pushing you away. I thought I was protecting myself, but all this time, I’ve been a fool.”
Feng Xin was conflicted. He was angry. He was hurt. He felt humiliated and forgotten. But as he watched Mu Qing begin to cry, he didn’t have the heart to inflict it back to Mu Qing. He could break them off. He could hold this grudge until the day he died and make Mu Qing try to make it up to him until then. He could simply lash out, but-
“I love you Mu Qing, even when you’ve been such a fool.”
He crouched directly in front of Mu Qing to wipe his tears away once more. He observed the conflict and most of all, the fear in Mu Qing’s eyes. There wasn’t a need for it because Feng Xin was always going to be right there. “I love the idiot you are.”
Mu Qing choked on a laugh as another tear rolled down his cheek that Feng Xin quickly wiped away. “I love how excited you get when talking about a new line you’re creating. I love visiting different restaurants with you and watching how you react to everything, especially when I force you to eat to try my meals. Even though I know you’ll hate them, and you know it too, you’ll try it anyway because I asked."
“I love hearing your voice late at night, your laugh, and being the one to make you do it. I love just spending time with you.” Feng Xin grabbed Mu Qing’s hand with his own and held it to his chest. “But most of all, I love you, Mu Qing. Will you officially date me now?”
Mu Qing jumped into Feng Xin’s arms, squeezing him so tight that Feng Xin could barely breathe. “I love you, too. Yes.”
Mu Qing lightly pushed Feng Xin back, and before he could blink, their lips crashed into each other’s. Feng Xin didn’t even care that they had been on different pages all this time. All that mattered was that they were together now.
Therefore, he closed his eyes before kissing Mu Qing back passionately. Their hands roamed across each other’s bodies and ran through each other’s hair roughly. They clung to one another as their tongues danced, causing their kiss to become more heated by the moment. Only when Feng Xin’s balance faltered did he finally break it off.
They were both flushed and panting as they stared at each other.
Feng Xin brushed a thumb along Mu Qing’s cheek while Mu Qing leaned into it with a loving gaze. “I thought we were well past this stage in our relationship. So much for asking you to move in with me.”
“Wait, what??”
Feng Xin shrugged as Mu Qing gripped Feng Xin’s shoulder, shaking him as if he could shake the answer out of him. He did. “When you stayed over last week, I loved it. I felt ready to live with you every day so I was planning to ask you just a second ago to move in with me. But since this happened, I-”
“Yes.” This time, it was Feng Xin’s turn to freeze in shock as Mu Qing cupped his cheek, his gaze serious. “I know it might be crazy because for me, we’re just now dating. But yes. It’s normally a step to take after months, even years of dating, but we’ve known each other almost our whole lives. I know pretty much everything about you, and we’ve even lived together before.”
“B-But this’ll be different-”
“I know, and I’m ready for it.” Mu Qing smiled at Feng Xin with a smile he'd never seen before. One filled with such unconditional love it made it difficult to breathe. “Your apartment isn’t small enough that we’ll feel cramped. Plus, it has two bathrooms so it’ll cut our fighting in half unlike at the dorms. If it gets too much, I could always keep my apartment.” Feng Xin’s chuckle broke off with a frown.
“I’m kidding.” Mu Qing assured with a firm kiss on Feng Xin’s cheek. “I want to live with you, Feng Xin.”
Feng Xin could say they should wait. That they should take their time. They were most likely rushing and definitely not doing things normally. But as was evident with their relationship, they had never done anything the right way. It was full of chaos and mistakes, but Feng Xin took Mu Qing’s hand anyway.
He led Mu Qing to his door, to their next and biggest chaotic mistake they were probably making yet. “Welcome home, Mu Qing.”
“I’m home.”