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It was a marriage of convenience as far as the both of them were concerned. Alina was a Sun Summoner. Aleksander was a Shadow Summoner. Both were Grisha. However, even among Grisha who spent their whole lives in fear of being hunted for their seemingly unnatural powers, they were just too different.
There had been no Sun Summoners (at least, none on record) before Alina came along. And when Baghra (the only Shadow Summoner until Aleksander’s birth) had died, he inherited his mother’s position as the sole Shadow Summoner.
Had they been born Squallers or Durasts or Healers, they would at least have been part of one secret Grisha enclave or another. They would at least have had teachers, friends or comrades who could understand what they were going through and reassure them of what they could expect in the future. That was the benefit of being a part of an established Grisha order.
Unfortunately, being able to call upon sunlight gave Alina no such comfort. Her future remained murky and uncertain. And with that came her own fears for what the next day, year or century would have in store for her. There would be no one to make her path easier with the past’s accumulated knowledge. If she wanted to survive, Alina would have to figure her powers out for herself.
Sometimes, she envied Aleksander for at least having grown up with a mother. One from whom he had seemed to have inherited his abilities.
Of course, that was a fallacy. Grisha do not inherit powers. A Grisha could very well descend from a long line of otkazat’sya just as a Grisha couple could give birth to otkazat’sya children. Besides, in their long lives, they have seen Fabrikators fathering Summoners or any other Grisha order.
To breed with another Grisha in hopes of getting another Grisha child was akin to tossing a dice in hopes to get one specific number. It could happen. But it would be a process totally out of the parent’s control.
Grisha theory states that it is The Making at the Heart of the World that makes such a decision. And as not one Grisha had ever been born with the ability to influence the Making, no Grisha enclave survived for very long either because current members died before new members could be found to replenish their ranks or because they trusted the wrong (usually otkazat’sya) friend or family member.
So far, neither Alina nor Aleksander had ever encountered an enclave that welcomed them with open arms. Not truly. Not sincerely. Each enclave was formed and designed only with the three Grisha orders in mind. Each founder only accounted for the usual types of Grisha to achieve a sort of balance that would hopefully extend the life of each enclave.
There was no place for a Sun Summoner or a Shadow Summoner. The enclaves would welcome them readily enough in the cold of winter where they needed sunlight to grow crops or during the occasional otkazat’sya raids where they needed impenetrable darkness to hide their sanctuary.
However, before long, the other Grisha would want them gone. It seemed that no matter how much Alina and Aleksander tried to make themselves useful or helpful or neighbourly, the other Grisha could sense the otherness in them, giving birth to an uneasiness which they believe could only be alleviated by Alina and Aleksander’s departure.
So they left when asked. But not because they feared the enclave’s reaction should they refuse. Alina and Aleksander just didn’t see the need to fight when they knew they could survive elsewhere.
Centuries ago, it would have been a death sentence to survive a sea of otkazat’sya alone, without other Grisha. The otkazat’sya would burn them alive should their status as Grisha be discovered. And for all their power, they were still only human. They could still die of hunger, blood loss, drowning or any other myriad acts of nature that took the lives of men.
Alina supposed there were benefits to being unlike normal Grisha. To be sure, she and Aleksander could still die with enough otkazat’sya against them. But together, it was another story.
It was almost funny how the only reliable ally they could find was each other, given how they each controlled the element that could have ended the other. Alina, for example, was weakest during the winter solstice, when the night overcame the day. Conversely, Aleksander would be at his most vulnerable during the summer solstice.
Without the other, they could very well die should someone attack them on one of those days. Thus, the only logical solution was to make their opposing element their ally. Alina protected Aleksander during the summer solstice while Aleksander did the same for Alina in the winter solstice.
It had been a difficult partnership at first. The both of them had their own way of doing things. And stubborn as they were, they did not easily give way to the other’s opinions. Besides, they entered into the arrangement not fully trusting the other even while acknowledging that they could not expect to survive alone.
At the time, it had made sense to get married. It was seen as an unbreakable bond then. A partnership that no one else could sunder. Except by the parties involved.
Alina knew that she was the last thing Aleksander would have ever imagined for a wife. He had grown up a wanderer, never being able to stay anywhere long enough to make friends. So he had always dreamed of a home of his own, with a normal wife who would cook his meals, mend his clothes and care for him. A woman who was the furthest she could be to his mother.
While Alina was happy to say that she was nothing like Baghra, she was as far from an ordinary Ravkan woman. She hated farms, hated being rooted in one place. She much preferred life on the road because it held a promise of adventure. Perhaps even a promise of a better life in spite of the constant doubt that plagued her
However, it had dawned on her that traveling alone as an unmarried woman would always single her out for suspicion. It concerned her to have eyes constantly spying on her. Some already assumed she was a witch on sight while others saw her as easy prey ripe for robbing and other dark things. Either way, drawing attention could prove to be fatal.
That was how she had come to reluctantly agree to Aleksander’s half-hearted proposal of marriage.
Neither of them liked the idea. But still, they proceeded with the marriage anyway. There was simply no other choice. By traveling and staying together, they could look out for each other, assuming they didn’t kill each other first.
Alina certainly contemplated it in the first few months of their partnership. Familiarity certainly had a way of breeding contempt. Having been alone for most of her life (and miraculously surviving for so long), it took Alina longer to adjust to having Aleksander in her life. A part of her resented how much easier the whole situation seemed to Aleksander.
She also didn’t appreciate his arrogance, the air he carried about him that clearly stated that he was better than everyone else. Most of all, she hated this attraction he seemed to elicit in her. It was a weakness that he could exploit should he ever find out about it. With the way he often attempted to dominate an alliance that was supposed to be between equals, that was the only way it could go.
It surprised her that they had stayed together for so long. But in hindsight, she realized that it wasn’t all bad. Because despite everything, traveling and living with Aleksander had been the first in a very long time that Alina felt safe. Where once she always had to sleep with one eye open, now she could get a full night’s rest knowing that he would look out for her.
When at first protecting him seemed like a burden she had to bear in order to benefit from his protection, now it had become second nature to Alina. A role she had come to secretly be proud of.
Somehow, it had come to mean a lot that Aleksander trusted her enough to let his guard down, to allow her to see his vulnerable, unconscious form and believe that he would see the next day.
It didn’t hurt that he was the person most like her.
The other Grisha’s fear of them wasn't completely unfounded. Alina and Aleksander had been blessed with too much power. It allowed them to live very long lives. But it also meant that they could cause calamities should they ever lose control of themselves and their abilities.
An otkazat’sya that somehow got hold of a knife and decided to kill could end the lives of dozens at most. But for Alina and Aleksander, they could end whole cities in a blink of an eye.
That was part of the reason why Aleksander didn’t want children. What if they had a child just as powerful as them? Would they really want to subject another person to living lives much like their own, shunned by other Grisha and isolated from any sort of community?
As it stood, the only thing that made their lives bearable was each other. But finding someone who could accept them for who they were and live just as long was a miracle in and of itself. No one could tell if it could ever happen again.
His worries were valid. But by now, Alina had come to know Aleksander far too well. They were far too similar beneath the skin. It was certainly a possibility for them to make a child just like them.
But the odds were that they could just as likely make an ordinary child. One with no powers. Or one that was more like the other Grisha. Alina had no doubts he would love the child all the same. Just as she would. But at the back of their minds, they would have to contend with the fear of eventually losing the child to death, of having to outlive and bury their own child.
They had both fought everything the world had sent their way and survived. But Alina wondered if they could ever overcome the grief of losing a child.
A part of her never wanted to know.
She knew better. And yet, a part of her had started longing for a child all the same. His child.
She searched herself for her own intentions. Did she want a child so that Aleksander would be further bound to her? Was she under some sort of curse that made her wish for one? Was the child simply insurance against loneliness in case one of them died?
To her surprise, it was none of those things.
In fact, she was amazed by how long it took her to realize her own feelings. But just because she understood her own motivations did not mean she was going to confess it to Aleksander.
It wasn’t that she still suspected Aleksander of using her feelings against her. But more because there wasn’t a need. Not of words.
They had been together for so long that most things came without saying. If Aleksander was as perceptive as he thought himself to be, he would already know. If not, then Alina was sure he would figure it out soon enough.
It didn’t matter if it took him a day, a year or a century.
The most important thing was that they were together. Before him, each new day was accompanied by a nagging chasm of doubt and a touch of despair. Sometimes she would even go so far as to ask why she still persisted with staying alive.
Now, she realized that she hadn’t felt that way in a long time. There was a kind of freedom in that, in knowing that she could look forward to a future with someone she loved.