Chapter Text
Armie's next assignment, it turned out, was to cover more student activities, including extracurriculars and after school clubs. He would be sharing the duty with another student on the newspaper, but apparently Armie had told them that he had an in with two clubs in particular, so I already knew which ones he’d picked.
He had that smug smile on his face when he’d told me.
More than once, Armie teased me that he knew exactly who his first interview would be, and I reacted by groaning, blushing, or shoving him, and sometimes, all three.
I was still working up the nerve to join the drama club. I had talked with Armie about it more, and I was doing my best mentally to put the epic drama of last year behind me. I wanted to be acting again, and to hopefully find a sense of community where I was welcome as I was.
In the meantime, we went about our usual routine. At lunch together with Katie, I was becoming more comfortable with her knowing that Armie and I were dating, and it was honestly nice to let myself relax because of that. It felt good to let people into our little bubble and Katie was becoming a good friend.
Vik was still playing gigs around town, so he would usually be asleep during the day and up late, but he always found time to hang out with Armie. The three of us spent time together, too, and I was enjoying getting to know Vik better. He was a more rambunctious version of Armie, but I could see the kindness and generosity he shared with his brother. Vik was doing some online college prep classes so he could be fully prepared when he headed into school mid-year, so we would often talk about that and complain about homework and competing priorities when we were together.
He invited Armie and I to a gig he would be playing at a friend’s house the following week. I was curious about Vik’s music and excited to see him play. The closer the event became, the more nervous and excited I got to go out with Armie. I’d gotten permission from my parents, as well as some stern but well-meant advice to call them if I needed anything. I knew that was code for don’t drink too much, but call us if you do.
Luckily the house party was within walking distance, but we got a ride over with Vik, in the car he was going to leave to Armie once he moved to California for school, his gear piled in the trunk. In the front was Vik’s friend Tyler, with Armie and I in the backseat. Our hands tangled together on the seat between us as Vik and Tyler rattled on about the upcoming gig and ribbed each other good naturedly. I felt Armie looking at me and turned to see him already smiling at me. I smiled back and squeezed his hand.
When we arrived, there were people milling about on the lawn, sitting on the steps up to the porch with drinks in hand, and we could hear muted music coming from inside. My heart sped up a bit; I hadn’t been to a party in ages. And probably never a party like this one.
“Hey, Vik!” came a shout, before the man in question had even stepped out of the car. As he rounded to the passenger side, he lifted up a hand in greeting and shouted back.
“Hey, man.”
“‘Sup,” said the guy, who was a bit taller than Vik, blonde hair styled so that it stood up in spikey bits. He was wearing ripped jeans and a denim vest and a warm smile on his face. The two of them did a bro-y friend hug, and Vik turned to us as he came around to the back of the car. Next he greeted Tyler in much the same way.
“This is my brother Armie,” Vik said.
My heart skipped a beat.
“And this is Timmy.”
Before I had time to contemplate this greeting any further, I was soon bro-hugged, and Armie after me.
“What’s up guys, I’m Travis. You excited for the show?”
I was still reeling, but luckily Armie stepped in.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen Vik play in a while.”
“Awesome, dude. Well, come on in, let’s get you inside.”
Armie and I followed behind Travis, with Vik and Tyler still muscling all the gear out of the trunk.
We walked inside and the music was a bit louder–something a little heavier than I was used to, but still danceable. There were people piled in every room, some sprawled on couches, others sitting close together on the floor, others leaning in corners and against door jambs. We headed through the hallway to the back of the house, Travis stopped to say a quick ‘hey’ to people along the way.
We finally reached the kitchen, where the people already in the room gave a cheer when Travis walked through. He smiled widely and then turned to us.
“Do you guys want drinks?”
Um. What exactly was one supposed to drink at a music gig slash house party? At home I often had wine with dinner, when I was allowed, but assumed that wine wouldn’t be the drink of choice at a party like this one.
“Beers?” Travis helpfully supplied for us before either of us could answer.
“Sure,” said Armie, and as Travis turned away he looked at me. I looked at his elevated eyebrows, the cut of his mouth, and could read on his face that he was checking in with me. I smiled back, something small and grateful.
Drinks in hand, Travis slipped off to mingle with the masses. Armie and I were left in the kitchen with a gaggle of people across from us all laughing at something I hadn’t caught. I suddenly felt out of place and didn’t know what to do next.
Awkward.
Then I looked past the group of gigglers and saw there was a screen door leading to a backyard. Armie saw me looking towards it.
“Wanna go outside?”
I agreed and we headed out the door. There were more people out in the yard, mingling with their drinks in hand. Although some of them were tangled up in a ridiculous looking game of kickball where there was obviously the addition of a few drink-fueled special rules, it felt calmer out there.
Armie and I faced each other and I watched as he took a sip of his drink.
“Having fun yet?” he asked once he’d swallowed.
“Yeah,” I said, tilting my head to the side and shrugging.
Armie laughed at me, but it wasn’t mean. My cheeks flushed.
“You’ll be fine,” he assured, still with that same laugh in his voice, and I believed him.
Not a moment later, someone came barreling into our space.
“Hey, Armie!” the mystery person greeted enthusiastically. “Good to see you, man.”
“Hey, Omar, what’s up?” There was that same handshake again.
“Not much, not much man. Just livin’ it up til Monday.”
“That’s cool,” Armie responded.
How was he being so cool?
“Hey, I saw you got an article in the paper, man. Congratulations.”
I swore there was a blush tinting Armie’s cheeks.
“Oh, thanks, yeah. I just joined.”
“Yeah Vik said so when he showed it to me.”
I could tell this was an epic moment for Armie. Hell, it was an epic moment for me seeing other people recognize Armie’s work.
He turned his face in a way that stemmed from the side of him that was humble and shy.
“Nice,” Armie said, and I could tell he was at a bit of a loss for words. Cute.
He was so adorable.
“Yeah,” Omar said, and there was that split-second of silence in the conversation where you didn’t know if it was going to continue or if it was going to need a little life support.
“This is Timmy,” Armie said, gesturing to me.
Smooth.
“Hey Timmy, I think I recognize you from school.”
In that moment I somehow found my voice. “Hi. Good to see you.”
“Totally, man. This is cool, right?” he said, gesturing to the scene around us.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to hear Vik play.”
“Me either, dude. He’s awesome.”
Armie nodded in agreement, and I copied him.
Omar took a swig of his drink, which was probably the last one given how far he tipped the cup into the air.
“Gotta go top this up. See you guys around. Later,” he said, turning and throwing a peace sign over his shoulder.
I scrambled to put together words in my head.
“He seems nice.”
“Yeah. He’s one of my brother’s friends who goes to college here. Used to get Vik into trouble all the time but he’s cool.”
I definitely wanted to know more about that, but we were swept into more conversations as Armie was recognized by various party-goers around us. They all greeted Armie enthusiastically and mostly talked with him about school or Vik. Even though he was the little brother of the guy playing at the party, they all seemed to genuinely like him. Eventually someone brought us over to a group of people chatting together and it went from there.
I stood by Armie’s side as I was introduced to people, whose names I had no chance of remembering in the moment. I took swigs of my drink as I looked around the circle, as people smiled at Armie and laughed at his jokes, as Armie’s side brushed against mine.
The sky was getting darker and our cups were almost empty.
“Show’s about to start!” someone yelled and everyone outside whooped with excitement before heading in.
Inside, there was already a crowd packed into the living room area. The couches had been moved so they all sat against the wall, and microphones, amps and snaking cables of various lengths took up the entirety of the front space, which sat between two lamps and underneath several framed photographs hung on the wall.
People were crammed onto couches and sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the ground. We stood in the back, where there was already a row of people in front of us and more gathering behind. We looked on as Vik and the other band members kicked around on the stage area, guitars in hand, checking chords, and the drummer tapping his sticks to make various out-of-rhythm noises.
After a few minutes the energy in the room changed and voices went quiet.
“Welcome to the show!” Vik’s bandmate shouted at the crowd.
Up went a great cheer, along with whoops and whistles.
“We are the Midnight Tigers!” Vik shouted, and another cheer came from the crowd. Armie cupped his hands around his mouth and gave a whoop beside me.
“Thank you for coming,” said the bandmate. “This is our first song, 'Master of California.'”
They started playing and the crowd was enraptured. After the introductory bit, which was entirely instrumental, the lead singer started belting out the lyrics of the song and I was entranced.
As they played, Armie poked his elbow into my side and made a face as I looked over, as if to say, They’re good, right?
I smiled, feeling happy and a bit loopy as my drink flowed through my body just as the beat of the drum and the low hum of the base did.
After a handful of songs, the band came to their intermission and the crowd murmured as they got up from their seats and moved around. Those of us who stood at the back made way for the others, and people brushed by me from all directions.
Armie took my hand and pulled me towards the back.
“You having fun?” he asked as we found a corner to stand in.
He turned to me, a slight sheen of sweat on his skin and happiness shining in his eyes.
“Yeah.”
He smiled at me and I melted. Armie pulled me closer and I felt my body light up where we touched.
“I’m glad.”
That smile. Gorgeous.
I looked into his eyes, and even though I could still hear the noisy crowd around us, he was the only person I paid attention to. I felt drawn in by him and his unwavering gaze. I even felt a little bit dizzy.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek, the skin heating up where his lips touched mine. Armie’s hands were at my hips and somehow that simple touch made me feel completely held.
Pulling back, Armie looked into my eyes and there was something else there besides pure joy and closeness. It was almost as if his eyes were asking a question. The look in my eyes must have answered him because he leaned in and pressed our lips together.
At first, it was just an innocent touch, but I was already so drunk on him that I let myself sink into it. Armie breathed heavily out his nose through the kiss and squeezed my hips tighter in his grip. I slipped the tips of my fingers under his shirt and felt the warmth of his skin.
I had no idea how long we’d been kissing for, but as Armie pulled back again, I found myself breathing heavily. He brought his head next to mine, so our cheeks were touching, and breathed against my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, the heat of his skin underneath my fingertips. There was a heat inside me too, and I wanted to give into it so badly.
“You’re so sexy,” Armie said lowly into my ear. His breath and his words made me shiver. He leaned in for one more quick kiss and then pulled at my hand. “C’mon.”
I followed him like there was a magnet inside of me and he was my match. He led me to the kitchen, where he only let go of my hand long enough to pour another drink. Then he took the red plastic cup in one hand and my hand in the other, linking our fingers together.
“Let’s get some air.”
“Okay.”
My head was spinning pleasantly and I was happy to be there. Armie’s hand intertwined with mine made me feel safe.
We walked out the back door into the yard, where we’d ostensibly started our evening. We stood there, facing each other, for a while, passing the cup between us. There were people sprawled all over the yard, some in chairs, some on the grass, a few people wrestling and playing other silly games. I took it all in as I sipped the drink and handed it back to Armie.
A few people came up to us, giving enthusiastic greetings, and Armie was his usual friendly self, giving jovial greetings and identifying himself as Vik’s younger brother, waited with a smile as people figured out where they’d seen him last.
I was sort of tuned out of the conversation, happy to be out in the cool air and among so many other happy people.
“This is my boyfriend, Timmy.”
I perked up at my name, and then had to backtrack in my head to figure out the few words before that. In my buzzed state, the weight of the words only hit me halfway, but still I froze as my brain slowly made its way towards the full meaning of the sentence I’d just heard and was still in the middle of parsing out.
I looked over at Armie, who was nothing but smiles, and turned back to the other people as they repeated my name and gave their greetings.
“Sick music tonight, right?” one of them said.
The conversation evolved from there, talking about Vik and the other musicians, school, and what everyone had been up to. I felt myself smiling at the back and forth, at the easy way with which Armie was interacting with everyone and endearing them to him, as always.
My head was swimming a bit so I reached for Armie’s hand, and he took it without hesitation.
“Want to sit down for a bit?”
It was only then that I realized two things: that we were alone again, and that I really wanted to sit down. I nodded and Armie pulled us over to a grassy spot in the corner of the yard, away from any game-related shenanigans taking place on the other side.
As soon as we sat down, Armie took my hand again, and I felt my knuckles brush the grass between us. I laid my head on Armie’s shoulder and my head felt so much better. I felt a kiss to the top of my head and I wanted to just droop against my boyfriend and close my eyes.
“I’m dizzy.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
Armie sounded okay so that meant everything was okay. His t-shirt was soft against my cheek and I rubbed it back and forth because it felt so nice. I heard Armie chuckle and felt a kiss pressed to my knuckles.
The rest of the evening passed in a bit of a blur. I stuck like glue to Armie’s side and we listened to the band play again. This time, Armie found a spot on the stairs behind the crowd so we could sit down to hear the rest of the songs.
I was lost in the music and the feel of Armie besides me. The whole thing felt kind of dreamy and beautiful.
After the band’s second set, Armie shimmied us up to the stage to say farewell to Vik and the other members. They enthusiastically said goodbye to us both and I managed to tell them they sounded good. While Vik and the others thanked me, I saw Vik give Armie a look that was knowing and approving all at once.
Armie took my hand and somehow grabbed water on the way out the door, pressing it into my hand.
“Drink this.”
I obeyed, and the cool water felt wonderfully soothing going down my throat.
When we were out the door and in the night air, we walked back in the direction of our houses in comfortable silence. I looked up at the sky to see the moon in a beautiful crescent and some stars visible all around it. I breathed in and sighed out.
“Did you have a nice time?” Armie asked me.
“Of course.”
With you, I thought.
I gazed at him for a few moments as our intertwined hands swung between us, and there must have been something in the look on my face, because Armie ducked his head and did this wonderfully shy smile.
I could never get enough of his smiles, in every shade and variation in which they came. I loved him so much.
We passed a small alleyway between houses and suddenly I was pulled sideways into it.
“Armie, wha–” was all I managed to get out before my back was against a brick wall.
He smiled at me again, this time wide and a little mischievous. I could feel the warmth of his body as he moved closer.
“I’m so glad you came with me.”
“Me too.”
“It was fun.” His eyes were sparkling and I felt myself getting lost in them.
“Yeah.” Armie’s face came closer to mine and I was a little breathless at our proximity.
My mouth was already open before his lips touched down on mine, so that he had enough space to clasp my bottom lip between both of his and lick into my mouth. His hands were on my hips and I was pushing mine against him.
“Fuck,” Armie breathed, pulling back.
He was still close, and he held my gaze as he brought his hand up to my face, palm cradling my cheek and thumb rubbing across my skin.
“You’re so wonderful,” he said, softly and just for me, before our lips connected again.
Our kisses deepened, and soon there was absolutely no space between us. I could feel our bodies undulating together in perfect sync and my body getting hotter. Armie bit down on my lip at the same time that he thrust his hips into mine, and it felt glorious.
“Oh,” fell from my lips.
“Feels good?”
“Baby,” was all I could say in response.
Armie dropped his kisses to my neck, and it was like there was a slowly building line of fire all the way down, burning up where his mouth moved.
The fire inside of me was growing rapidly and I wanted it everywhere. I gasped.
“Touch me.”
“Yeah?” he said into my neck, the warmth of his breath setting my skin aflame. The warmth left me there, and I let out a little breath of disappointment as he pulled back.
“You sure?” he asked, his gaze level with mine. I nodded. “We’ve done this when you’re…”
Drunk, my brain supplied.
“So are you,” I quipped.
He shrugged. “I’m bigger than you.”
I rolled my eyes at him and huffed a laugh. Jerk.
He was smiling fondly at me. Dammit.
I paused, taking a moment to take stock of myself, and found that I was sobering up, thanks to the water I’d drunk and our walk in the brisk air. At that point, I was more drunk off of Armie than anything we’d had at the house. Plus, I–
“I trust you.”
Armie looked taken aback for a second, before his expression morphed into something like awe.
“Yeah?” His voice was soft and so, so sexy.
I nodded again. I wanted him so badly.
“Want you, please,” I said aloud.
“Gonna take such good care of you, sweetheart,” he said as he fell into me.
From there, it was a rush of Armie loosening my pants and sticking his hand straight in to grip at me, stroking right away. A few pumps was all it took to get me fully hard and I moaned into the night air. Armie was kissing at my neck and shushed me, but his next kiss was wet and sucking and I couldn't help myself.
“Shh, sweetheart. Someone might hear you.”
Oh fuck. That was hot. I let out a pathetic noise.
Armie smirked at me. “Need something to keep you quiet?”
I only moaned again, feeling hot all over from his words and his confident touch.
He brought his free hand up to my face, thumb stroking against my lips. He pushed and I opened up to him, taking his finger into my mouth. It seemed like he was experimenting, going softly and slowly, until I sucked and looked straight into his eyes. I saw a fire burning there and whimpered around his finger.
“Yeah? That good?”
I nodded and felt completely desperate for him.
“Want more?” he asked as he pulled his thumb out.
“Yes.” I was completely helpless.
This time, he pushed his index and middle finger into my mouth, still slowly, but deeper, and I closed my mouth around them immediately.
“That’s it,” he said, and I preened at his approval. His hand kept on stroking me, and he tightened his grip ever so slightly as he rubbed his fingers over my tongue.
I made noises that would have been words if not for Armie keeping me quiet.
“Let me take care of you,” he said, and I sagged into him, sucking on his fingers and letting myself be pressed against the wall, his hand moving faster over my dick.
With his fingers still in my mouth, he ducked his head to kiss at my neck, and I felt myself suddenly on the precipice. I would have been impressed with his multitasking skills if I hadn’t been completely lost to the pleasure of it all.
Armie twisted his hand on my cock and it was over then. I came hard over his hand, pushing into him as he held me there and kept stroking til I was finished.
“Oh my god,” I tried to say, but it came out garbled.
Armie laughed against my neck, so he probably understood me anyway.
His fingers slowly slipped out and he brought his mouth to mine. “That was so hot,” he said between kisses. I wanted to agree but my mouth was too busy devouring his.
Our lips detached with a smack, loud in the otherwise quiet of the night, and I leaned my head back against the brick wall, breathing hard. Armie tucked his head into my neck, and we stayed like that for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel.
At some point I felt Armie place a gentle kiss against my neck. Opening my eyes, I stared up at the stars, or at least the ones that were visible from where I stood and sent up a silent thanks to whatever universal power had brought Armie and I together.
Armie eased his hand out from where it was still part way tucked into my pants. Pulling his head back, he brought his face up to mine and caught my gaze. I was immediately captivated by the sparkling blue of his eyes, the peace I found there. I could have stared into his eyes all night long, but he had other plans.
“Let’s get you home.” His eyes were still sparkling and there was a soft smile on his face.
I was still lost in his gaze, but my brain kicked into gear as I realized something.
“You–” I started as I tried to reach for him, but found that my arms wouldn’t work.
But Armie interrupted me and told me it was fine. He must have read something in the look on my face because he chuckled and leaned in to kiss my cheek.
“Next time,” he said softly. “That was just for you.”
I felt blessed all over again.
Then Armie made quick work of doing up my pants, giving a peck to my cheek again before stepping back slightly. I missed his warmth and the weight of his body immediately.
“You good?” he asked.
Oof. I didn’t know if I would ever be good again.
I just made a noise in response.
“Can you walk?” he asked, laughing this time. He took my hand. “Let’s try it.”
So we did. I found that I was more or less successful in the beginning, and things got easier as we continued towards home. I was more or less sober by then, but I was still drunk on Armie, and kept leaning into him as we walked together, our hands clasped between us.
When we arrived at my house, I had the sudden, overwhelming feeling of not wanting to let him leave.
“Don’t go, baby,” I blurted out as we walked up the final step and arrived at the door.
“I’m right here,” was his simple answer and I was mollified.
Armie dug into my pocket and fished out my keys, unlocking the door himself. I thought about him letting himself in on other occasions, and it made me feel all giddy inside.
The door swung open and we stepped over the threshold with our hands still tangled together. My mother was sitting on the couch, reading a book, a glass of red wine on the table in front of her.
“Hello, boys,” she greeted, putting her book down in her lap.
“Hi, Nicole,” Armie said.
No words came out of my mouth, as my brain was momentarily frozen at the thought of my boyfriend bringing me home from a party and immediately seeing my mother.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, it was nice,” Armie said, somehow still in full control of his faculties. I only nodded.
“Wonderful,” she said, rising from her seat.
She came over and put her hand softly on my cheek, then turned to Armie. “Thank you for bringing him home safe.”
“Of course.” Ugh, my boyfriend was so polite. “I’ll just get him upstairs.”
My mother smiled at him, then at me. “Goodnight, Timmy.”
“Goodnight, mom,” I managed to say.
Armie tugged on my hand and led me upstairs. We stood in the middle of my room, facing each other, hands still clasped. No words passed between us. We simply stared into each other's eyes, and I realized how much I could read in his. He must have been able to do the same with mine.
I just leaned forward and hugged him, letting go of his hand in the process. I held him tightly, and he did the same to me, arms locked around my waist. I tucked my head into his neck, lips against his skin.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
Was he thanking me for the hug? Adorable.
“For what?” I asked.
He chuckled, and I felt the vibrations of it against my face. I nuzzled my nose against his skin so I could feel more of it.
“For coming with me tonight,” he said, softly and sweetly. “For being so wonderful.” A kiss to my hair.
If not for his strong grip on me, I would have melted to the floor in a puddle of goo.
“You’re wonderful,” I said against his neck, voice slightly muffled by his skin.
He laughed softly again, and I felt those same vibrations against my lips and nose. I couldn’t help but kiss him on his beautiful, perfect neck.
Armie gave me one last squeeze and instructed me to go brush my teeth. I reluctantly let go of him and walked to my bathroom to do so. I looked at myself in the mirror and found my air slightly off kilter, a dopey smile on my face. I picked up my toothbrush and got to my task.
Breath minty and fresh, I went back into my bedroom. Armie was sitting on my bed, a pair of joggers and a soft t-shirt laid out next to him. He stood up, and when I came close enough for him to touch, his fingers went to the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. It was replaced by the t-shirt he’d picked out.
“Lay down,” he instructed, and I did, feeling my soft sheets beneath me and already sinking into the mattress.
Armie went to work on my pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down off my legs. He then put my joggers on, one foot at a time, before pulling them up to my waist and patting my hip.
“There you go.”
Everything felt so soft, and I felt myself getting sleepy.
Armie rounded to the side of my bed, and came to sit next to me. I looked over at him and he was smiling, so I smiled back. I was feeling so much–cared for and loved and safe. I wanted to tell him as much, so I opened my mouth.
“You still have my come on your hand,” is what came out instead.
His smile got bigger, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “I’ll wash it off,” he replied, looking amused, before he leaned down and kissed me, leaving me with only a peck on the lips before getting up and walking to the bathroom. I could hear the tap running as he washed up and by the time he got back, my eyes had closed.
“Come on, under the covers you go,” I heard him say, as I tried my best to scoot so he could pull my sheets over me. I was so cozy and felt myself drifting away.
Armie’s hand was on my cheek, sweeping back and pushing my hair out of my face.
“Send me a picture when you get home,” I mumbled.
“I will,” he said, a smile in his voice. Then, a whispered “goodnight, sweetheart.”
“Goodnight, baby,” I replied, my words slurring, and felt his lips at my temple.
I heard his steps as he walked away before I drifted away completely, slipping into sleep content and comfortable as I could remember being.
The next morning I awoke, feeling bleary and still drowsy. I peeled my eyes open to find sunlight streaming into my room and a glass of water on my bedside table.
I closed my eyes again, not wanting to get out of bed just yet. I realized I had fallen asleep again when I came to a second time. I lay there for a while before sitting up slowly and reaching for the water, drinking it down in one go.
I felt a little bit better after that.
I reached for my phone to check the time, finding that it was practically noon. There was also a text notification waiting for me. I opened it up to find a picture of Armie, laying in bed looking sleepy and adorable. There was a message underneath.
Love you so much
It rushed over me just how much he cared about me. The feeling was very much mutual.
You look cute, I typed in reply, ending with a heart emoji.
I took my time lounging in bed before getting up, pulling on some comfy clothes and making my way downstairs. I found my mother at the table drinking coffee and reading over some papers.
“Good morning, darling,” she greeted me warmly.
“Hi, mom,” I replied, a yawn taking over as I spoke.
“Did you have a good time last night?”
“Yeah. I did. Vik’s band was cool.”
“I’m glad.” She paused, taking a sip of her coffee. “It was very sweet of Armie to take care of you and get you up to bed.”
I tried to remember what had happened at the end of the night, and flashes of it came back to me.
“Yeah.”
I was still a bit shy talking about him, even though my parents had been nothing but supportive.
“Well, listen. I have to run some errands today. I’d like for you to come with me.”
“What kind of errands?”
“Oh, this and that. It would be nice to spend some time together.”
Her face was open and kind, as always, and I saw a bit of hope in her eyes. It had been a while since we had gone out just the two of us, and I decided I could do this for her.
“Sure.”
“Great. I’ll give you a while to get something to eat, and then we can head out.”
I nodded, walking over to the kitchen to prepare myself breakfast. I ended up eating yogurt and some cut up fruit, standing with my hip leaning against the counter. When I was finished, I put the bowl and spoon in the sink and headed back up to my room. I changed into some jeans, but kept on the loose fitting shirt I already had on.
I walked downstairs, still yawning, and found my Chucks, lacing them up as my mother came back into the living room. She grabbed her purse, slipping into some of her more casual shoes.
“Ready?”
In the car, we were silent as my mother drove away from our neighborhood and into the main part of town. I had no idea what errands she had to run, but I still supposed it was an opportunity for us to spend time together, as she had said.
“How are things going?” my mother asked, breaking the silence.
“Good,” I replied, not knowing what she was specifically referring to.
“Everything at school?”
“Yes, it’s okay.”
“You’re taking a lot of classes this semester.”
“I am.”
“That’s wonderful, sweetie, but don’t overwork yourself.”
Classic mom advice. I didn’t respond to that one.
“And with Armie?”
Aha. There it was.
“Also good.”
“I’m so glad. He’s such a wonderful young man.”
I merely hummed.
“He seems like he really cares about you.”
“Yeah,” I said, already embarrassed.
“That’s so lovely to have someone like that. I’m very glad you met.”
“Me too.”
Talking about my boyfriend with my parents still made me squirm and blush. But that was nothing compared to what she said next.
“And I assume you’re being safe,” she told me, casually. Casually.
I almost choked on air.
“Mom,” I half-whined once I’d started breathing normally again.
“I know, honey. But I want to make sure. It’s my job as a parent.” She looked over at me, and I just couldn’t. “It’s important.”
“Yes, we are being safe,” I finally said, somewhat begrudgingly. My mother was always looking out for my best interests, but this was a lot.
“If you ever need anything, let me or your papa know.”
Ugh. Apparently things could get worse. Imagining going to my parents for…supplies made me embarrassed for my future self.
I must have groaned or something, because my mom reached over the console and patted my leg.
“It’s important, okay?”
“Yes, mom.”
Silence, again.
She pulled into a parking lot with many stores around. I was still wondering where we were going. Hopefully the entire purpose of this trip wasn’t to talk about safety.
My mother took the keys out of the ignition and turned to me. “I care about you, Timmy. So does dad.”
“I know,” I said, unable to look her in the eyes.
Her hand touched my cheek tenderly.
“We are always here for you.”
I had to admit that that hit me right in the chest, and I knew she meant it with all her heart. I was lucky. That didn’t mean this conversation wasn’t painful.
I nodded, and so did she, finally turning and opening the car door.
We visited a few shops, my mother buying some household supplies and a few other things I assumed were for work, plus a few other things that seemed to be for our kitchen, possibly to entertain more guests.The holidays weren’t far away, so I supposed it made sense.
We stepped out of the store, my mother and I laden with bags, and she inclined her head towards the pharmacy. “Want to go in?”
Oh, god. Kill me.
“Mom…”
“Or you could wait out here. That’s fine with me.”
I guess she was insisting.
I hung my head.
“It’ll be okay. I’ll be quick.”
She handed the bags to me, as well as the keys to the car. I trudged over, feeling a pit in my stomach as I imagined my mother buying condoms (and lube?) for me in the drugstore. Ugh.
She came back out quickly enough, opening the back door of the car and stashing the bag with the others I’d place there. Luckily on the way back home, she didn’t mention anything about what she’d purchased.
When we got home, I helped her unload the bags, and she handed me one in particular with a look on her face. I took it, sighing, and went up to my room.
Well. That was an experience. One I hoped I would never have to repeat in my life.
Up in my room, I thought about our day together. Besides the embarrassment, my mother had taken the time to offer encouraging words and help me out in the best way she knew how. I sensed I was lucky, although it would always be weird talking to my parents about those kinds of things. I supposed it always would.
I relaxed on my bed, my mind wandering. I thought back to the day with my mother, our conversations around Armie and how both my parents had been so supportive. Something settled in my chest, and I let it stay there for a while.
Then I started thinking about the night I’d had with Armie at the house party for Vik’s band. It had been lovely–the people, the music, the warm atmosphere, how I’d watched Armie be so easy with Vik’s friends and other people at the party. How I’d let myself sink into the good vibes around me, feeling warm and protected with Armie by my side. How I’d held Armie’s hand, how he’d done the talking for me. How he’d introduced me as his boyfriend, how he’d kiss-
I jolted.
Oh.
All of a sudden, I vividly remembered making out with Armie in a not-so-secret corner of the house where we’d been. In front of, well. Everyone.
Oh.
Well. That was interesting. I didn’t know how to feel about it.
I took a deep breath.
Okay.
I looked inside my mind, and found that there was actually a lot I was feeling about it. I felt the shock at remembering everything in detail. In the moment, I’d been so comfortable, so happy to let Armie lead, so helpless when it came to his lips and the press of his body against mine. I felt my heart beating faster at the thought of everyone seeing us all tangled up in each other, and knowing exactly what that meant. I felt—
Surprisingly, I didn’t feel any regret. Armie and I had talked in the abstract about being out as a couple amongst friends, schoolmates, strangers. But nothing specific really. The party had been our first big opportunity to be “out.” And oh boy. We had been out.
I knew Vik didn’t care, that he supported Armie and by extension me. He enjoyed my company and I his. He was a really decent brother to Armie and I knew he was rooting for him in every aspect of his life. Vik seemed to be friends with decent people, so they probably didn’t care either. And I was sure that we hadn’t been the only queer people at the party.
I hadn’t ever really put a label on myself, because I hadn’t had many people to come out to. And those I did, the label didn’t really matter. My so-called friends from drama club had ruined my first experience, but I could try again and have a fresh start.
The party had been fun, and I could see myself going to more fun things like that with Armie in the future. He had taken really good care of me, making sure that I had enough water to drink, making sure I felt included in conversations, making out–
The last bit was freshly detailed in my mind, and I sank into it. It had felt so good, and I hadn’t even thought to care in the moment. I hadn’t thought about how we were kissing in public, because Armie always took such good care of me. I had felt loose and comfortable, and I could never deny how much I enjoyed the way his lips felt against mine. It had been easy to get lost in the press of our mouths, the way his tongue had swiped my bottom lip, the–woah.
And then after we’d left, the way he’d pressed me against the wall and gotten me off in record time. It had all felt so good and had really been the perfect ending to an amazing night. I had felt fun and free walking through the streets with my boyfriend, still a little bit drunk and high on the feel of him.
I felt happy. Content. And a little bit turned on. I was still confused about our plan to be out as a couple in the various spaces in our lives, but did we even need a plan? It still made me nervous but knowing that Armie wanted people to know was a comfort. It was almost like he’d shown me off at the party, and I flushed at the thought.
I felt myself stirring.
Okay. Yeah. That was a thing.
I picked up my phone without thinking and dialed Armie’s number.
“Hold on,” came his voice after only a couple of rings.
Then his face came into view and I couldn’t help but smile at how gorgeous he was. And he was mine.
“Hey, baby.”
I blushed.
“That’s my line,” I pretended to grumble.
“Peachy.”
I groaned. I’d told him I didn’t want to be called any pet names associated with foods, but he loved to tease me anyway.
“Pumpkin.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Hi,” I said to distract him.
“Hello beautiful.”
He was really laying it on thick. But I couldn’t completely say that I hated it.
“Flattering.”
“Always,” he said, smiling his dumb cheeky smile. I couldn’t handle it.
“What are you doing?” he asked. I guessed it was fair, as I’d called him.
“Laying in bed,” I said. “I went shopping with my mom earlier.”
“What did you get?”
I realized in that moment that I hadn’t looked in the bag my mom had handed me. I imagined the worst. Maybe she had bought me something really embarrassing.
“Well, she got some stuff for herself. And for me.”
“What kind of stuff?
I didn’t actually know.
“I don’t know.”
“How come you don’t know?” he asked, laughing.
“I didn’t look yet,” I said sheepishly.
“Now I’m curious,” he said, and left it at that.
I sighed. Ugh.
“She kinda…bought me things.” I let out a breath. “She took me out to have a talk in the car.”
“Oh. That kind of talk?”
Okay, this wasn’t going to be so hard to explain.
“Yeah,” I said, cringing. Armie laughed again.
“Oof. That’s painful. What did she say?”
I looked away from the camera. “That she hoped we were being safe,” I muttered.
“What was that?” he asked and I whipped my eyes back to my phone, saw the teasing look on his face.
“Armie,” I whined, drawing out the last syllable.
“Timmy,” he said seriously.
I laughed, half out of nerves and half because he was ridiculous.
“I wonder what’s in the bag,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m afraid to look.”
He laughed, and I joined in this time. This whole situation was ridiculous.
“Do you wanna show me?”
That smile again. I covered my face, leaning my head back into my pillow. God.
“Don’t make me,” I groaned from behind my hand.
“Do you want me to?”
I made an involuntary noise and I heard Armie laughing through the phone.
“Armie, stop,” I said, half-laughing.
I looked back at his face and I could clearly see the sparkles in his eyes.
“Okay, okay. We can look at it together.”
I hummed, and tried to make the blush drain from my cheeks.
“Speaking of together,” I ventured. “The party.”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling and leaning his chin on his hand. Adorable. “What about it?”
“It was fun.”
“It was. That’s it?”
Oh god, he knew. He always knew when I had more to say.
“You kinda…accosted me in a corner.”
He barked a laugh. “Accosted?”
“Well,” I started, but he interrupted me.
“You seemed very willing to be accosted.”
Well, I thought. How was I supposed to resist his lips? We had kissed plenty in private, but at the party we made out where everyone could see.
“Did anyone say anything?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, brow furrowing slightly.
“Like, everyone,” I trailed off, trying to find my words, “saw.”
Instead of laughing it off, he took his chin off his hand and sat up straighter.
“Did you mind?” Armie asked, and I heard the tentative tone of his voice.
“Not really. I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time,” I told him honestly. “But, like, we hadn’t. Before.”
“My brother’s friends won’t care.”
“I know.”
There was a pause in our conversation. I heard Armie’s next breath, more audible than the rest.
“Were you okay with it?” he asked. Before I could answer, he went on. “Because I guess I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time. I was having a good time with you.”
I nodded.
“I hope you don’t think that I pushed it too far.”
“No!” I rushed to reply, not wanting him to think that he had done something wrong. How did I explain how I felt about it?
I sighed.
“It’s just. We’ve never done that in front of other people.”
“Okay.” There was still a furrow between his brows, and I had the instinct to reach out and thumb it smooth. I wished I could. “Do you not want to?”
I paused. It wasn’t that.
“We should probably talk about it.”
“I want to do whatever you want to do, Timmy. But I also don’t want to hide.”
“Me either. I’m just getting used to it, I guess.”
“I understand that. I’ve never had this either. It’s new for us both.”
I felt some of the tension in my body release. We were in this together. I could do that.
“We could talk about where we want to be more open and stuff. It might take me some time to get accustomed.”
“I get it.”
I looked at his face, so open and understanding. God dammit, I loved him.
“Timmy. You’re so important to me. I would tell everyone you’re mine if I could. But I understand that we might have to work up to that.”
Mine. The word still sent shivers down my spine.
“You’re so important to me, too. I know my parents are cool, and Vik, and apparently everyone at that party.” We both chuckled. “Katie, too.”
“Hmm,” he agreed. “Vik has been super cool about it. My mom too, even though I haven’t really told her for real. And my dad…”
My heart clenched for him.
“I want to tell him, too.”
I was surprised at that.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “I want people to know. Especially my family. It’s important.”
Important. This felt so important to me, too. This was the first time I’d been with someone who made me smile and feel cared for and want to show off. I imagined us holding hands in public, at school, going out, at his house and mine. That a hug between us could look like one between lovers instead of just friends.
“I love you.”
A beaming smile broke out on his face, and it warmed me from the inside. “I love you so much.”
Butterflies. Still so many damn butterflies.
“The kiss was,” I started, and I saw him watching me with interest, which gave me the courage to continue, “was hot.”
“Oh? You thought so, sweetheart?”
Fuck.
The rush I’d felt at thinking over the kiss–how he’d pressed me into the wall and pressed his lips against mine, his hands at my waist and his tongue on my tongue–came back to me in an instant.
I squirmed a little.
“Yes.” The blush was probably back with a vengeance.
“You hard thinking about it?”
I hummed in response, seemingly already beyond words.
“Wanna do something about it?”
As I stroked myself in time with Armie, just a small screen and a strip of pavement between us, I could only think about what it would be like to kiss his lips in the middle of any crowd, in any space, where our friends could see.
“Imagine it’s my hand on you instead of yours,” he said, all gravelly, and I moaned.
It was very easy to do.
Just before I came, I turned my head towards his window, almost instinctively.
“Look at me,” he said, and I’d never been more turned on by his voice.
I tipped over the precipice with my words in my ear, his face on my phone, and the promise of the two of us together, no matter what.