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Team Colossus were hosting Resistance heroes. Of course, technically they were Resistance heroes in their own right, with a wrecked Star Destroyer to their name. They'd led some of the First Order’s most ruthless people halfway on a mad bantha chase all across the Galactic frontier since the Hosnian Cataclysm, and finally beaten them.
But that stuff had a way of paling next to taking out Starkiller Base and saving the Resistance from annihilation at Crait. At least, it seemed that way to Tamara Rivora. Poe Dameron and his little band had done things she couldn't even imagine attempting herself. And now, after their exfiltration from Magna Leptus had become a rescue mission, before turning into an all-out gladiator revolt, they were aboard the Colossus.
At least to start with, it was a rush, particularly while Tam was running on the mad high of the breakout from the arena. She’d spent weeks on that world, working to get their allies out of the capital city and then preparing for the arena breakout. Actually pulling it off had been an unabashed triumph.
Added to which, it could hardly fail to be a thrill to see the Millennium Falcon - the Millennium Falcon for crying out loud - in one of their hangars, next to the Black Squadron X-Wings.
As they rocketed away from Magna Leptus, Kaz had been effusive. "C'mon," he'd smiled. "We just helped pull off a rescue mission that got those Resistance heroes off one of the First Order’s nastiest worlds. No one's gonna look down on you here."
Tam, however, felt less certain. So she took herself off, not wanting to look presumptuous or cocky in front of living legends. She ended up sat on one of the gantries high up, away from the throng.
So it was a surprise when one of them came looking for her. She heard footsteps, but hadn't realised they were heading towards her. Not until a voice, warm and low, broke into her reverie. "Room for one more?"
Tam wheeled around, ready to spring to her feet.
He was shorter than she'd expected. Which was absurd; she'd been taught this man's measurements during her time aboard the Thunderer. The First Order had been emphatic that every last one of their soldiers should be able to recognise FN-2187, especially after his part in the Supremacy’s destruction. But somehow, Tam had expected a man who towered.
FN-2187 - Captain Finn, she corrected herself - wasn’t that. Not at all. He was actually, Tam realised, a little short for a Stormtrooper. He had a certain presence though, perhaps more than he realised. There was a quiet intensity to him, like a ship’s reactor held behind its shielding but still burning away.
Tam got to her feet quickly. Maybe too quickly - First Order briskness showing. She just about stopped herself saluting. “Captain.”
He gave her a gentle smile. “Finn, please. Uh, Tamara?”
“Tam.” She sat back down, shifting to free up some space. Damn, she'd still overdone it despite trying to look relaxed. “And please, feel free.”
Finn, mercifully, made nothing of her slip. He sat down, looking up at the darkening blue of the sky. “Must be nice to look up at a real sky instead of a holo, when you get the chance.”
“Honestly?” She looked at him sidelong. “I still appreciate the holo. Makes a change from the sterile First Order look. Which I’m guessing you’re here to talk about. The First Order, I mean.” That didn’t bode well - her nervous chatterbox mode was definitely kicking in now.
Again, to her great relief, he didn’t make so much as bat an eyelid. He simply nodded. “Gotta be honest, Tam. I’ve been curious since I first heard about you. There are a fair few ex-Imperials in the Resistance. Hell, if you count people who defected from an academy to the Rebellion, back in the day, that’s nearly half the old guard.”
Tam saw where he was going, and got there ahead of him. “But that’s not really the case with the First Order. I mean, I know volunteers like me are in the minority, but even then, you don’t really hear of defectors. Except you, of course.”
“Only one I know of,” he admitted. There was sadness in his voice as he continued. “I’ve seen… things, which make me think I might not be the only one able to stand against the First Order.”
Tam didn’t feel brave enough to prod at that, however, and moved to safer ground. “You know, for my first week as a pilot, you were the only thing anyone wanted to talk about. She paused, realising how that might sound. “Everything else was… kind of restricted to the command echelons.”
“I guess it would be a lot to take in for just a few days. It’s still a blur for me - though I did have the excuse of being all bacta’d up and unconscious for some of it.”
“In the same day, you got away and I walked into it. But yeah, once I was in it was all FN-2187, the traitor. Stupid me, I was swearing to myself that I’d never be anything like you.” She snorted. “Look how that turned out.”
He laughed softly. “How did they take it when I fought with Phasma?”
“Oh, by that point they were more concerned about a Jedi murdering the Supreme Leader .” She shook her head. “I feel even more stupid after hearing that stuff about Kylo Ren.” For all the First Order’s proclaimed commitments to fairness and the rule of law, they were headed up by a man who’d murdered the previous Supreme Leader.
A wry smile crossed Finn’s face. “That’s why Rey makes a point of telling the story. Like Rose says, we have to remember how small the kind of people who run the First Order are. Behind all that rhetoric about proper authority, High Human Culture, all that crap, it’s just men who want to hoard power...” He halted, studying her. “But I think you figured that out for yourself, didn’t you?”
Tam nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Yeah. I figured that out the day the First Order bombarded Aeos Prime. Tierny talked a really good game about protecting the Galaxy, but when push came to shove, they just lit up the whole planet.” She almost broke off at that - who was she to burden a mere acquaintance with this stuff? - but seeing the patient look in Finn’s eyes, she pressed on. “You know, Kaz didn’t bring up the Hosnian Prime thing for days after I came home. He didn't tell me before, not even to guilt me when I was on the other side. I just let all that wash over me and told myself the Republic must’ve deserved it. Didn't stop to think that people I knew had cared about that world.”
“But you did realise, in the end. Plenty of people never do.”
“Not by myself.” Tam tapped her feet, eyeing her boots. “I can’t even say I got here on my own. Took Venisa Doza to make me see how wrong I was going, and…" She felt herself starting to choke up, and dropped her voice to a whisper. "And the sight of the First Order boiling the seas on Aeos Prime.”
He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Honestly, Tam? I’m not sure anyone gets into the Resistance on their own.” His index and middle fingers drummed on his chin. “It took becoming friends with Rey and Poe for me to act against the First Order at all. And it’s down to Rose that I ended up properly committed. Not just because she showed me what the First Order would do to the Galaxy, but what our movement means for ordinary people.”
Tam blinked, feeling her pulse quicken ever so slightly. “And what was that?”
“That we fight for the downtrodden. We fight for their freedom to live as they choose, to have a say in how this Galaxy’s run. A Galaxy where a woman can get to be a pilot without having to compromise on her morals.”
“I like the sound of that,” Tam replied, smiling a little. “It just felt revolting when I realised they wanted us to take out civilians. But I hadn’t, you know…” But she couldn’t quite bring herself to say it.
“Killed anyone?”
She nodded. “Not before I was serving the Resistance. And as soon as I was, I had to.”
Something in his eyes said that he'd been there too. “But then that’s the choice forced on us by the First Order. We were disposable even while we were serving them. The second we weren’t reliable, that was it. We were the enemy now. And besides,” he added, “those pilots were shooting at your friends. There wasn't any other option." For a moment he was quiet again. "It’s good that you’re thinking about it, though. Thinking about this stuff, and not just taking life without any consideration, is what keeps us in the right.”
“Thanks.” She thought a little more and added, “And for coming to talk to me at all, Finn.”
“You’re welcome,” he smiled. “I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I’m only a holocall away, so if you ever need to just vent about it to someone who’s been there…”
She hugged him, quickly enough that she didn’t realise how forcefully she’d done so.
“Whoah, easy kid!” he laughed, but he embraced her in return. “Now, what do you say we rejoin our friends?”
“Lead the way,” she said without thinking. “Actually wait, it’s my station.”
He grinned, and gestured. "Then please, after you. Rey and Rose are dying to meet you, and if you can get them talking about flying…"
They headed back to the cantina, leaving the stars to break out, defying the gathering gloom above.