Archive of Our Own ^beta

Based on Achilles Come Down

The sun was beginning to set, casting the sky in a plethora of colors. The wind was blowing, causing a chill to run up Logan’s spine as he stared at the colors in the sky. He couldn’t really find it in himself to care about the chill though, nothing really seemed to matter much to him anymore. That’s how he found himself on the roof of the library, which seemed to have some sort of irony to it. It was one of the buildings where he spent most of his time. Well besides the building where he worked. It seemed that was the one where all of his time went, working a job he didn’t want and that drained him. It left him tired and without energy to do anything he loved.

He sat on the ledge of the roof, looking over the other buildings. This wasn’t the highest, but it was one where he knew how to access the roof. So it would have to do. The man huffed out a sigh as his mind wandered like it tended to do. He wondered how he managed to get to this point, a point of apathy and just a bone deep tired. How it all led to him sitting on the roof, contemplating just letting go.

~~~

The grades on the screen blurred as Logan realized he had failed entirely. He had tried so hard to keep up the grades but the things that he didn’t understand kept piling up. He couldn’t ask for help because he was supposed to be able to handle it, he was intelligent. He was supposed to be able to understand it.

He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, trying to stop the tears that fell. He shouldn’t be so upset about it, afterall it was his fault that this had happened. He failed to work hard enough, failed to understand the most simple of things.

A knock on his door broke him from his thoughts and he paused in rubbing at his eyes.

“Hey, the guys are having a movie night tonight to kind of celebrate the end of exams. Do you want to join us?” He could hear Virgil on the other side of the door and swallowed hard over the lump in his throat.

“I’m afraid not tonight. I’m still quite tired from the exams so I was going to retire early tonight.” He tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, hoping that it didn’t hold the telling warble of crying.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a moment before he heard Virgil speak, “Kay. Well if you do end up feeling up for it we’ll be in the living room.” Things fell silent once more Logan heard his footsteps lead away from the door.

He seemed unable to stop the tears still, his mind turning entirely against him. It was supposed to be his one defining trait but even that seemed to fail.

~~~

While lost in his thoughts Logan failed to notice that the sun had fully fallen beyond the horizon and the only remaining light was fading quickly. He also hadn’t noticed the chill falling further in the air. He had come out of his thoughts just long enough to hear the door to the roof creak open, so the words spoken didn’t startle him as much.

“It was a really nice sunset, wasn’t it?” Logan didn’t turn to look at Virgil as he walked across the roof to where he sat. “It is easier to see them since the sun sets earlier now.”

“I guess so.” Logan stared at the stars that were just beginning to be visible in the night sky. He heard a shuffling beside him and glanced over to see that Virgil had settled against the wall he was sitting on.

“I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay since you obviously aren’t. But would you humor me and talk with me for a bit?”

“I guess I could do that for a bit.” Logan looked back at the sky, his mind still flying with the thoughts he hoped he would be able to silence.

“Ya know Patton has a little get together planned for my birthday. He thinks I don’t know about it but he has slipped up a couple times and given it away.”

“Ah yeah, your birthday is next month.” Logan hummed, realizing he had forgotten the detail. Although he had forgotten his own birthday so it didn’t surprise him too much. The two sat in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the road not too far off.

“Everyone else was worried when you suddenly disappeared on us.”

“They’ll forget me soon enough. That’s how things work.” Logan sighed a bit before continuing, “I’ve done nothing memorable so I’ll easily fade.”

“You really believe those falsehoods.” It wasn’t a question but a statement said with realization and a tinge of sadness.

“I fail to see how they would be falsehoods. I’ve yet to be proven differently.”

“Did you know Roman always thinks of you when he sees the grid paper you gave him for the tabletop rpg? Patton can’t help but think of you whenever he sees the blue water bottle in the cabinet.” Virgil watched as Logan’s brow quirked up in disbelief. “You’re tied to rulers to Remus for some reason, and Janus can’t look at anything scifi without thinking about the nights you two would talk about Doctor Who.”

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t fade that easily dude. Not when looking at small things could remind any of us of you.”

“But I don’t want to.” Logan finally spoke up after a moment of silence. “I’m tired, and honestly you all would be better off. How many days does Patton need to settle an argument between myself and Roman? How often do I miss the joke and bring down the room? I nag everyone about their health then let mine slip like a damn hypocrite.” His hands found themselves pulling at the edge of his sweater, pulling idly at a loose thread as he spoke. “No one should care about me. I’m a mess. I failed out of college twice! I was supposed to be intelligent, able to pass my classes but I failed twice.”

“You can’t see anything past that though. You can’t see how upset Roman gets when he realizes he upset you. How you remind Patton and Remus to take a bit better care of themselves.” Virgil sighed as he pushed himself up from where he was sitting. “We all love you. You know that, it isn’t something we’ve hidden.”

“I just want to be done with everything though. I’m tired. And you all are a lot closer to each other anyway.” As Logan spoke Virgil sat on the wall and swung his legs over the edge, sitting as the other man was. “What are you doing?” Concern colored Logan’s question, the first thing Virgil had been able to get out of the man besides frustration.

“Remember when we met? We were much younger and I promised I wasn’t gonna leave you?” Virgil asked, making eye contact with the other man. “Well I’m tired too.”

“You can’t!” Virgil watched as different emotions rushed across Logan’s face.

“Why can’t I? You are.” Virgil held onto the concrete of the wall, trying to hide his shaking hands. “Where you go, I go. That was the promise I made.”

“This isn’t something you should do too Virgil. I don’t mean that much, I know that. But everyone would be devastated to lose you.”

“And you really think they wouldn’t be devastated to find you had done this? That you thought they cared so little for you?”

Logan stared at Virgil for a moment, tears starting to fill his eyes. “I don’t know. I’m just so tired.”

“You know, if I lost you I wouldn’t be able to look at the night sky anymore.” Virgil stated, climbing back onto the roof before reaching over to help Logan back onto stable ground. “Every time I see the stars or even the moon, I think about the times that you’ve gone on tangents about them. Every time you have spoken so quickly with a bright smile and sparkling eyes.” Logan was still silent, trying to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. “Come on, I wasn’t kidding when I said everyone was worried.”

Virgil pulled his phone from his pocket and showed it to Logan once they were at the door. The lock screen was covered by various messages from everyone in their group asking if they had found Logan and if he was okay.