Work Text:
Lim was tidying up her desk when the knocks sounded. Before she could wonder who’d need to talk with her at 7:30 PM on a Friday, the door opened, revealing Melendez standing with his car key dangling in one hand and a briefcase in the other.
“You ready to go?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at the sight of her cleaning the desk.
“Wow, Audrey Lim, cleaning. I never expect that from you.”
“Well, as a Chief, I need to set an example for all the employees.” She smiled, finally took her eyes off the scattered paperwork on the mahogany desk to look at him. When she was ready to go, Melendez had taken her leather jacket down from the hanger and was out of the door. She could feel her whole face relaxed and threatened to stretch into a dopey smile. It had been quite a long time since the last time someone waited for her to finish work patiently like that. She knew Melendez had been waiting - his shift ended half an hour ago.
Feeling giddy, Lim hooked her arm into the crook of his elbow. Melendez glanced at her, the surprise written clearly in his eyes. She wasn’t one for public display of affection, and even though they had announced their relationship to everyone in the hospital, he knew it still embarrassed her sometimes to be “clingy”.
Lim’s face was getting hot, if her complexion was a bit lighter, she was sure there’d be two very red spots on her cheeks right now. She pretended to be offended and glared at him: “What, can’t I be affectionate to my boyfriend?”
Melendez chuckled, patting her arms with his other hand. “Of course you can, and I really like it. I was just surprised.” Actually, ‘like’ was an understatement. He was ecstatic. This was the first time Lim initiated a loving gesture in the hospital since they started dating a month ago. It hadn’t been a problem with him, but now that he had her warmth engulfing his arm and her breath by his ear, he realized how much he wanted this.
There was something he planned to talk with her about on the way to the parking lot - he wanted to deal with work-related things first thing in the evening so they can have the weekend to their own. But it could wait, he rather enjoyed their closure right now. And her faint perfume mixed with disinfectant wafting around him. And their matching footsteps. (Yep, he was a sap, sue him). Not to mention the exaggerated knowing gazes of their residents and the nurses; he liked to show his love for everyone to see.
“Congrats on your Jejunum free flap,” Melendez started when the Tesla was on the road.
“It was technically not mine, I only jumped in after Murphy decided he couldn’t do it. Me and Andrews, working under Murphy’s guidance. Who would have thought?” She laughed, eyes twinkling in happiness. It was a successful procedure, but it was the thought of proving to Andrews that she was right that put her in such a good mood.
Melendez smirked. “I know. Murphy basically ran to me right after the surgery to give a very detailed recount.”
“He was very proud about it. As he should be, he proved himself in the OR today, both in surgery skills and communication.”
“That’s very good. But he walked out with the patient still on the table.” Melendez hedged, trying not to offend Lim. As much as he admired Murphy’s ability to remember hundreds of medical books and make connections where no one else is able to see, he thought his sporadic emotional outbursts were unacceptable. In the middle of worried patients in a quarantined ER, in the OR with the life of someone literally hanging on his hands, and what else? Where would he next have a meltdown like that?
Lim turned her face towards him and scrunched up her nose, “Did Andrews talk to you?”
“Yeah, he walked by when Murphy was telling me about it. I think he has a point, maybe Murphy is not ready yet.” Melendez didn’t know whether Murphy would ever be ready, with the way they covered him right now. Han was a jackass, but he made Melendez realize that they, namely Glassman, Lim, Andrews, Brown and him, were acting as Murphy’s protective gear. He wouldn’t grow up as a surgeon with them around, acting the way they were. But that was not even the main reason he wanted to talk with Lim. He could feel that somehow, Murphy had earned a special spot in Lim’s heart. He knew that she wouldn’t do anything unprofessional knowingly, but today’s event made it clear to everyone that Lim quite favored Murphy. She had a soft spot for Murphy and she didn’t even know it.
Lim turned straight ahead again and sighed. She had to admit, despite what she told Andrews after the surgery, that was definitely not a successful operation from the Chief’s viewpoint. While the result was excellent and it was very creative of Murphy to think of a technique like that, under no circumstances should he walk out of the OR like that.
But then again, she believed in her decision. “Well, he might not be ready, but that’s how he learns. Residents weren’t deemed ‘ready’ until fourth year, don’t you remember, but when I started giving them lead surgery, they all did very well.”
“You went all out for him.” Melendez raised a corner of his mouth and softened his eyes. He didn’t want an argument at all, he was just concerned about her decisions as their Chief. It would directly affect the hospital, not to mention they might come back to bite her in the ass if she didn’t handle them carefully.
Lim raised both her arms in the air and rolled her eyes. “Come on, Murphy needs help to navigate the workplace, you know that, everyone knows that. Why is it bad that I am the one to provide that help? He is very talented, it won’t be a good thing for our hospital if he decides to move his residence elsewhere.”
“I understand that, but no Chief of Surgery handpicks a resident’s surgical team and spends time cheering them up!” Melendez might have raised his voice a little, he just wanted Lim to admit that what she did was biased. They couldn’t have a meaningful conversation and address the real problem otherwise.
Lim smacked her lips and took in a deep breath. She didn’t want this to escalate into an argument either. “You know what, Neil, my decision was made, the ball had run its course and everything was over. We’re wasting our lovely time arguing about work.”
Melendez was getting quite pissed off. He could see that Lim understood her decision wasn’t a very wise one, it was obvious in the way she changed the topic. “You made a mistake, Audrey, you have to see that so you won’t do something like that again. You can’t close up from me because you’re unwilling to discuss what you did wrong!”
“I did wrong? Giving a talented, hard-working surgical resident a chance to prove himself is wrong?”
“He can wait until he’s mastered the communication aspect of being a surgeon. You can’t be there for him forever!”
“You know what, you have no right to judge me on what I do at work. Just because you’re my boyfriend doesn’t mean you can interfere in my work life!”
Lim shouted and immediately regretted it. She was looking straight ahead at the dark road, but she could see him hurting in the corner of her eyes. The sensible thing to do would be apologize. But that would mean admitting her fault, and she didn’t want to do it. Well, deep down, after what happened today, she knew she should have let Murphy develop his communication skill a bit more before giving him a case. It’d feel like a blow to her competence as a Chief however, to admit that she made a bad decision, especially after her former boss had continuously questioned her.
They were silent all the way to her house, the tension between them thick and choking. Melendez kept his eyes on the road, mouth pressed into a thin line. Several times, Lim opened her mouth, just to close it again after a few seconds. She didn’t know what to say except for sorry, but that was the last thing she wanted to say. For years, all she had to care about was herself and maybe some young, naive and fragile residents. But residents were easy. She was only their mentor for a few years, and as long as she kept it professional, she’d barely made a dent in their lives. Therefore, she could turn her nose up all she wanted, in fact, the number of times she’d said sorry seriously after a disagreement can be counted on two hands.
Lim unbuckled her seat belt when her house was still a tiny dot in their eyes. She picked up her small hand bag from the map pocket and hugged it close, getting ready to get off as soon as the car stopped in front of the driveway. Melendez glanced over and gripped his hands tighter on the steering wheel. He had a hectic day, and the 30 minutes drive and 5 minutes nightly goodbye of them was what got him through two very boring interdepartmental meetings. Melendez quietly chastised himself, he should have waited until Monday. Or chatted with her about this when both of them were thoroughly relaxed and getting ready for bed.
Lim almost jumped out of the car as it stopped in front of her house. With brisk no-nonsense strides, she walked up the driveway without a glance back at Melendez. And the painful spot in his heart grew so big it turned into anger. So this was how Lim made their relationship work? No work-related discussions, even though they both were somewhat workaholics and worked in the same company. Closing off as soon as his words hit close to home. Avoiding conversations after an argument. This was not the Audrey Lim he had known for over a decade, and though she hurt him, he was already making up excuses for her.
Poking her hand violently into the bag to find the keys, she could feel Melendez’s intense eyes on her back. They should be lightly bantering and caressing each other now, she mused miserably. She had totally fucked it up. Took in a deep breath, she turned around decisively and walked fast to the car. She couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes, but she could feel them locked on her face. Melendez rolled the car window down and she gulped. Now or never, she thought to herself.
“I’m sorry,” Lim said softly as soon as she reached the car. It was not that hard, surprisingly, she thought to herself. In fact, this is the first time she could breath without feeling like she might choke from the time she uttered those hurtful words to him.
Keeping her eyes on the passenger car, she continued. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re my boyfriend and you have every right to talk with me about work. I didn’t mean to keep such a large part of my life from you, that was anger talking.”
Her voice was so small the only reason he could hear it was because the road was dead silent. His anger had completely vanished by now. It had subdued a bit the moment she turned around and was further placated when she was close enough for him to see the guilt in her eyes and the sadness in her droopy shoulders. By the time she finished her apology, every cell in his body yearned to hug her. Instead, he opened the door and walked over to stand beside her, just close enough for the back of their hands to touch.
That was how they stood after their first argument: Lim with her eyes trained on the trees on the opposite side of the road, left hand gripped the car door and right hand loosely holding the hand bag with Melendez’s left hand right beside; while Melendez leaned his back on the car and gaze fixed on the familiar two-storey house he’d visited so many times.
After what felt like an eternity, when time seemed to have frozen around them and went by too fast in their racing minds, Neil spoke.
“I accept your apology.” Lim’s eyes welled up and the only thing that stopped her from bursting into tears was her dignity and the well-worn mask of professionalism necessary for any hospitalist.
“And I’m sorry too. I was dismissive of your opinion and was too keen on proving I’m right that I didn’t seriously listen to your arguments.”
“We’re good, then?” asked Lim, tentatively, stealing a glance at Melendez’s side profile.
“We’re good.” Melendez turned his head to look directly into Lim’s eyes.
“I know this is difficult, but we expected it when we started this relationship, right? It’s not something we can’t work on, though. I just need to work on my ego a bit and you just need to be a teeny tiny bit less closed off about your work life.” Melendez’s pressed lips and hard eyes relaxed into a soft smile. Like an irresistible force, it coaxed Lim’s mouth upwards.
“Agreed,” Lim answered, using the phrase that had begun their relationship.
Later, when they met up for lunch the next day, Lim had admitted to Melendez that yes, she was aware (or was made aware by Andrews) that she went over the top for Shaun Murphy, and explained that it would be impossible for a guy like Murphy to move forward in his life without an opportunity like that, however. To which Melendez agreed, but not before challenging her that cutting him some slack and giving him perks like that meant she would be painted as a biased boss. In the end, the conversation was cut short (as the desire to engage in another activity was quite apparent). It would have to continue tomorrow, and possibly the day after that or more for them to figure out the best way to treat Shawn Murphy as an employee, a student and a disadvantaged human being. But they would do that calmly and with attention to potentially hurtful remarks. And once a solution was reached, they would follow it together.