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taehyun had a problem.
a six foot one problem.
well, not really. taehyun thinks he could never blame soobin for anything, not when the dimpled man had such a good heart.
and maybe his good heart was what caused taehyun's issue.
it was no secret that soobin loved his members, and his members loved him just as much, if not more. and well, yeonjun, beomgyu, and huening kai never hesitated in making it clear that they wanted attention from the leader. beomgyu would make it obnoxiously obvious at times, outright asking for his attention. yeonjun would pout and whine until soobin focused on him. huening kai, on the other hand, would simply make a face and soobin would instantly know what the youngest wanted and give it to him without a second thought.
and that's where taehyun would get lost. lost, because he could never bring himself to ask for attention from soobin, but desperately craving the same gentle touches and fond smiles the others received. and yes, he got everything he wanted and more when they were alone behind closed doors, but he almost never got it in front of cameras. he was only brave enough to do it every once in a while, linking their arms together whenever they stood next to each other, occasionally playing with soobin's fingers. he could never hide his loving stare, but besides that, he couldn't do much more than verbally express his affections for the leader every now and then.
maybe that was why after a particularly long and tiring day, soobin grabbed taehyun after they arrived at their dorms and led them to their now shared room (yes, beomgyu had complained about losing his beloved roommate, but eventually gave in after soobin spoke to him in private).
"taehyun," soobin had started as they took a seat on his bed. "is everything okay?"
no, taehyun wanted to say. no, because i can't stand seeing them cling all over you at any given moment, but i can't do anything about it without making it obvious that we're dating.
"of course!" taehyun said in a cheery tone, putting on a smile. "why do you ask?"
soobin frowned. "because you've been off for a while now. and by now, you'd usually tell me what's wrong, but you haven't, so i've decided to ask you because i can't stand feeling like something's eating away at you."
taehyun paused at that. he struggled to find the right words to say, and soobin, like always, waited patiently, quietly encouraging him with a small smile.
finally letting out a sigh, taehyun spoke. "it's not you fault, hyung, if you were worried about that. it's a me thing, and i'm afraid it won't be going away any time soon."
soobin quirked an eyebrow, waiting for taehyun to continue.
"it's just, we've all come to rely on you a lot, right? especially as we are slowly getting more known."
soobin slowly nodded, not yet understanding what his boyfriend was trying to say.
"and throughout the years we've spent together, we've only gotten closer." taehyun stopped and looked away from soobin, deciding to play with the elder's fingers. "it's a little, stupid thing that i know shouldn't bother me, not with the way you're always reassuring me, but i can't help but feel . . ."
"feel what?" soobin gently asked, squeezing taehyun's hands.
"jealous," taehyun admitted in a small voice.
"of who?" came the blunt question.
letting out a laugh, taehyun jerked his head to the door. "you know, them. yeonjun, beomgyu, and hyuka."
"them?" soobin asked. "why?"
huffing, taehyun rolled his eyes before continuing. "you know that i struggle openly asking for attention or affection better than anyone else. i'm not afraid to ask for it when it's just us two, but in front of them, in front of the cameras? i just can't. but for them, it's so easy, and you give in to them everytime like it's the most natural thing in the world."
soobin stared at taehyun for a moment, carefully thinking about his words. "of course it's the most natural thing for me to do. i love them all very much, but not the way that i love you."
smiling, soobin gently cradled taehyun's face with his large, warm hands, enjoying the fact that taehyun's ears were slowly going pink. "you should know better than anyone that i love you in a way that i don't love anyone else. i love them, but i love you in the way that my heart skips a beat when i hear you laugh. i love you in a way that makes me happy whenever you're happy. i love you in a way that makes me think you look the most beautiful when you're squirming underneath me, moaning out my name and -"
"soobin hyung!" taehyun exclaimed. he pushed soobin's hands off him, face going red with embarrassment.
"what, it's true!" soobin said defensively.
"geez, i get it."
"good." soobin paused, staring at taehyun who still had yet to recover. "you know, if it bothers you that much i can ask them to stop."
taehyun violently shook his head. "no, you can't. i mean, they very obviously like your attention, so i feel like it wouldn't do anyone any good if you don't. they'll just be sulking all the time. besides, it's going to become obvious to the fans, and they'll realize that something's wrong."
soobin hummed in agreement. "you do realize that they never do it with the intention of you getting jealous, right?"
"i know. they don't know that we're dating."
at soobin's silence, taehyun stared at him.
"they don't know, right? right?"
letting out a sheepish smile, soobin scratched the back of his neck. "i guess we didn't do a good enough job of being lowkey because a month after we got together, they all came to me and outright asked."
taehyun gaped at the elder.
"hey, if you're worrying about what they said, you don't need to. they just said congratulations and that it was about time."
"about time?" taehyun sputtered. "what do they mean by that?"
soobin shrugged. "i don't know. i mean, i never really tried to hide the way i feel about you. plus, they did say that they saw us kissing in the practice room once, so they were just wondering when we would come clean and tell them."
"they saw us making out?" taehyun asked, horrified at the thought.
“yup.”
“that’s all you have to say?”
“yeah?”
letting out a groan, taehyun crawled to the center of the bed and laid down, making grabby hands at soobin. soobin quickly joined him, pulling the smaller man into his arms. after a few beats of silence, taehyun spoke. “is it bad that i want to be selfish sometimes?” he asked softly.
“why would you want to be selfish?”
taehyun paused, embarrassment threatening to keep him from speaking, but he pushed through anyways. “because i want to keep you all for myself.”
soobin smiled at how taehyun pressed his face into his chest, fully aware that the younger wouldn’t see the loving look on his face. he slowly began to stroke taehyun’s hair, feeling how the younger began to relax against his body. “well, in that case, no. it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, taehyunnie. and if it’s any comfort to you, i’d like to keep you all for myself, too.”
later that night, in the comfort of each other’s embrace, taehyun was once again reminded that he had soobin in a way that no one else in the world would have. they would never see soobin’s eyes filled with lust, never see soobin’s hands grazing over their skin with gentleness, never see soobin biting marks all over their bodies that would leave bruises for several days.
but maybe, most importantly, they would never get to hear the heartfelt whispered “i love you” from soobin’s pretty lips, said with such intensity that left no space for taehyun to doubt the sincerity of the three words.
⸻ ♡ ⸻
after taehyun finally came clean about his feelings, he noticed the small things that soobin did in order to remind him that he had no need to be jealous over the other members. sure, the others were still as affectionate and demanding as ever with soobin, but the leader now made sure to stand by taehyun’s side more often, paid the slightest bit more attention to taehyun whenever he spoke or did something, and gave a lot more praises then necessary at the little things in front of the cameras.
and well, taehyun found it a bit easier to whine for soobin’s attention at any given time, feeling content when his boyfriend did it happily, arms securely wrapping around taehyun’s waist or pulling the younger one into his lap.
taehyun didn’t hesitate to instantly pull soobin away from the others when it came to having to work in teams, and sometimes, whenever they were fighting for soobin’s attention, taehyun would glare at them so he could keep his beloved boyfriend to himself.
if the others caught onto how taehyun was keeping soobin to himself more often, they didn’t say anything, not when the two looked so happy to be with each other.