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There is no point in living in the world.
Why do you have to try so hard to fight when you’re the one who’s always suffering?
When people have left you alone, and will never come back to you again.
Why are you still holding on?
When the whole world is trying to bring you down.
Why are you still holding on?
Who are you trying so hard for? Trying to survive the cruelty of the world, who are you doing that for?
So why don’t you just stop?
After all, no one cares if you’re alive.
And no one cares if you die.
The roar of people’s voices began to fill the red-haired woman’s ears, but she didn’t seem to care. Empty eyes stare at the train tracks, there is a feeling of fear to jump. There is still a feeling of fear of ending it all.
Whereas previously she felt very sure, to end her own life.
But now, she was afraid.
Alev didn’t know what she should do. Should she walk home and go back to bearing all the weight she got in the world?
No matter how loud she screamed, no matter how much she cried at night, no matter how often she took sedatives to relieve stress, no one came to help. No one cares.
Then, who is she fighting for?
For herself?
Apparently not, if she was fighting for herself, she would prefer to die.
Why do I feel doubt? Alev said to herself. Slowly, the sound of an oncoming train began to sound, as a sign that she had to make her choice now.
Would you choose to jump in and be free from it all?
Or just stand still, do nothing and suffer again?
“I want to be free.” Alev muttered in a low voice, the sound of the train getting closer and even Alev could feel the light rays dazzling her a little, Alev was waiting for the right time for her to jump, so she could end it all quickly, without pain.
When her legs tried to jump, a tiny hand wrapped around her waist.
“What…?”
“Please don’t do that.”
Alev looked away, staring at the woman who was holding her, as if holding her to end her life.
They just stood there, staring.
And it was their first meeting.
~
Alev wouldn’t say that they knew each other well, but the woman named Solphi always came to her house, either cooking something or just cleaning. Alev had asked her not to do that, but Solphi had a stubborn attitude, she would still do it even though Alev had asked her to stop.
“Why do you care so much about me?”
Alev asked, stopping Solphi who was setting the table, getting ready for dinner. She didn’t answer Alev’s question, just busy putting various kinds of food on the table.
“Let’s eat, while it’s still warm.”
“Why didn’t you answer my question?”
“Do you like egg rolls? Give it a try! It’s delicious—”
“ANSWER MY QUESTION!”
Alev shouted angrily, accidentally throwing a bowl of warm soup on the floor, the sound of the bowl breaking seemed to represent Alev’s emotions which were overflowing and then shattered into pieces.
Solphi was silent, while carefully cleaning the pieces of the bowl, but then Alev grabbed her wrist, stopping Solphi from doing what she was doing.
“Why didn’t you answer?”
Solphi was silent, for a long time silence enveloped them, slowly the warm food became cold.
“Because it’s like looking at myself in the mirror.”
Solphi then said, making Alev look at the look on her face that looks like she wants to cry.
“You really are like me, that’s why I don’t want you to die.”
Because I will only see myself jumping.
Alev is silent, but they are strangers, does Solphi have the right to interfere in her private life?
“Is the only reason you stopped me because you see yourself in me?”
“That’s why I don’t want you to die!”
“Why? Is it because you seem to see yourself ending your life?”
And those words succeeded in making Solphi speechless. Alev sighed, somehow she felt her words had weighed on Solphi.
And they spent the night in peace.
Actually Alev felt comfortable with Solphi by her side. At least she has a reason to be alive, and it’s actually a nice thing to have someone who cares about you like this.
It was like Alev had found the most precious treasure in the world.
She has started to smile happily, she has started to feel again what is called happiness.
Until then, Solphi never again came to her house.
One day, Alev waited.
She didn’t come.
Five days, Alev waited.
Solphi still didn’t come.
Two weeks, Alev waited.
Solphi still didn’t come.
One month, Alev waited.
Solphi never came.
Alev doesn’t know, but now she feels her days are no longer meaningful. Also, Solphi has now also left her alone, why has she been happy all this time? She should have known that Solphi would also leave her.
Alev returns to depression, she returns to her old ruin. Having to endure all the stress and go back to taking sedatives, Solphi would usually stop Alev from taking these drugs. But now she’s not there, she’s not coming.
Has all this time been just a pity? So that when Alev was happy again, Solphi just left, leaving her alone.
Then, why is she alive now?
“I don’t have a reason for that anymore.”
Until then, Alev heard someone knocking on the door.
Alev opened the door, hoping that the person knocking on the door was Solphi.
And as it turned out, it was her.
However, something is different.
Solphi’s face looked very pale, like a dead person. But, she is here now, Alev immediately hugs Solphi, crying profusely, Solphi just stays silent while smiling and hugs Alev back. Solphi then looked at Alev’s face, wiping the tears from the red-haired woman’s eyes.
“Let’s go, now we’re free.”
Alev smiled, as she hugged Solphi again.
Epilogue :
It was a very cold night,
People seemed to gather around something,
Solphi was seen lying weakly on the highway, with blood starting to soak the streets. Solphi cried, feeling sorry that she could no longer see Alev, she breathed her last.
Unbeknownst to her, Alev had also ended her life by swallowing all the drugs that caused her to overdose.