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Minho was in love. He thought as he let the monster devour him. He was so in love he let him consume him. To the point he no longer knew where he began and where that thing ended. So deep into it he missed the warning bells ringing like drum beats, missed the distraught feeling in his stomach with one of butterflies. This was no love.
Soulmates. That’s what he and Chan were. He knew it, felt it inside his veins every time he saw Chan. They were created for each other. But sometimes fate is twisted. So fucking twisted it’s morbid than death sometimes. At least death is peaceful.
They were created for each other. They weren’t made for each other. Just meant to be friends, so that that red string never entangles. But they fell for each other despite that. The threads entangled, twisted, knotted and then stretched each other until bare threads were holding them together.
So they fought like monsters do. There was no longer the warmth of summer but the cold fiery hatred running through them. They fought till there was nothing but remains of their battered relation left to pile over like trash.
He doesn’t remember the year he spent with Chan. It was all hazy, blurry and surreal that he barely remembered anything other than the aching feeling in his heart and all over his body. He could only remember the fights, the bruises and the nights they spent enveloped in each other’s body. And the guilt. It’s still there if he tries to live even a bit more, break out of the cage that still holds him back.
Chan had hit him. He has done it with no remorse. There was no remorse either when Minho had stared at him with teary eyes clouded with hurt and disbelief. Minho had pushed him. Hard enough to make him stumble and fall over the bottles of booze, shattering them into pieces. Pieces that went right through his chest.
His throat burned with an unwelcome feeling, bile rising to the very brim as Chan stared at him with soft eyes. It was if he knew he wouldn’t survive. His eyes were soft just like the first time they had kissed. Soft just like how they used to be. And then they lost the life inside them, the brown becoming an ugly dull shade and then they closed.
Minho screamed. He only remembers screaming and thrashing as calming hands untangled his bloody hands from his now bloody skin. As people rushed and Chan was lifted up. As he was led to the comfort of his room that only continued to haunt him.
He had loved Chan. He killed him. He was relieved. He felt so guilty. He couldn’t tell which emotion ruled over which one.
The court had let him go without any charges other than a year’s worth social work. Hyunjin had provided evidences about Chan. How he had hit Minho more than once while drunk. But he had never hit him sober? Minho thought. Except that one time that got him killed.
How he had killed their coworker? Chan was a killer? Wasn’t Minho a killer too? How Chan had ruined the life of their homecoming king in high school? Minho had thrown up in the trial. Chan was bad. So fucking bad. How could Minho even love him?
Hyunjin wouldn’t have known about these things either had he not lost his charger and searched through Chan’s drawer that was always closed but that one time. He had saved all of them. He had planned to confront Chan the same day but he was dead. God. Minho thought. That bastard would have killed Hyunjin too. He would have buried the evidence with his body.
Minho buried himself closer to Hyunjin. Hot tears streaming down his eyes. He couldn’t stop crying.
Everything hurt.
“Hyung.” His voice cracked, pained at seeing a part of his family in pain. He hugged him tighter and let the broken boy cry until he was left sniffling. Until exhaustion overtook him as he drifted into sleep that was likely accompanied with nightmares. They were.
Minho had thrashed and shifted in his sleep, silent tears running down and gosh Hyunjin hated seeing him cry like this. He had waken him gently not wanting him to go through painful reminder or either let his brain create new ones.
Minho woke up with a startle, eyes drifting around in alertness, the fight seeping his body as soon as he found none, melting into the blankets. The feeling of being present returning into his body. He was back to the state of living. Dreams were accompanied with nightmares. But this, waking up to the reality, was one too.
Hyunjin held him gently, so gently he was afraid he was going to break. In the morning he would be firm and fond again just like his hyung wanted it but right now he needed this. He wasn’t treating him any differently, no, his hyung was the strongest person he had came across, he was just treating him gently. There were barely any threads holding him together. He didn’t want to do more damage than what was already done.
His hyung finally closed his eyes again, body too exhausted to remain awake any longer and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
He looked so peaceful. Hyunjin wanted him to be at peace finally. He didn’t want him to suffer any longer. He would stay and he help him whenever he wanted. He wanted Minho to heal.
Minho was smiling again. It wasn’t the smile you force out just because everyone is laughing. Not the one you use to cover up the fact you aren’t feeling the best but blue inside and out. It was the smile he used to give. It was pure, unadulterated and genuine and Hyunjin felt on cloud 9.
He waddled back to Minho, spinning him around gently before cupping his cheeks into his hands and placed a soft kiss into his forehead. He waddled back to his position and continued painting.
The gods bleed too. The titled read. He felt Minho sneaking over and peeking at the unfinished canvas.
“It’s beautiful” he said softly. It was. It was two gods or what he conceived them to be, shapes blobs and colors that made them look divine, holding each other. So tightly that they melted into each other. It was a warm shade. They were bleeding. Bleeding love.
“It is.” Hyunjin said softly and then just to be a brat added “Watch me win and beat all their asses” Cheekily. Minho smacked his ass lightly, a snort following the movement.
“You are overconfident.” He quipped, taking seat on the tattered couch. They needed to change it. Hell they needed to renovate the whole apartment.
“I am just the right amount of confident and self aware one should be Hyung.” He said as a matter of fact putting down the palate and washing the paint streaked brushes. He doubted he was going to get any work done anytime soon.
“You were freaking just a week ago that how your painting was going to be the worst in the class.” Minho reminded. Hyunjin took off the apron and flipped it before folding it haphazardly.
“That was the last Minute nerves hyung. I know this is going to rock people’s world.” He knew the last part was an overstatement but he wouldn’t deem it impossible.
Minho rolled his eyes fondly and opened his arms, lips curling into a pout. Did he even know he was pouting?
“I am sure hyunie is going to win.” There was a certainty to his words as if he already knew he was the winner. “Now give me my hugs.” Hyunjin grinned. “Can’t stay away from my hugs hyung?” He teased, melting into Minho and hugging him back. He loved the warmth he provided him.
“Nope.” Minho Mumbled, putting his head in the crook of his neck. They do this a lot. Holding each other just for the sake of it and feeling each other’s heartbeat. It was reassuring. It was peaceful.
Hyunjin didn’t believe in soulmates. His family made him hate the concept. What happened with Minho made him loathe the very idea of it. But being with Minho felt safe. Safe and lovely and there is always a fluttery feeling in his stomach and the urge to hold him, to kiss him and to take care of him.
Hyunjin doesn’t believe in soulmates. But he believes in them. Whatever they are. It’s new. Soft. And delicate. He wants this feeling to last forever.
Minho holds him closely at night, sings to him sometimes when he can’t sleep, cook things he loves and didn’t even ask for sometimes. Minho looks at him so softly it makes him melt. He makes him feel so loved and Hyunjin knows Minho feels at home with him. Specially when Minho had told him so when was too sleepy and on the brink of fading into sweet dreams and calm silence.
“Hyungggggg! Not this.” He whined. Minho poked his tongue out. Cheeky bastard. He tried to snatch away the controller. Minho pulled away. He huffed. Minho laughed, gleeful at winning.
“We watched what you wanted last time. Now it’s my turn Hyunjin-ah.” He sing songed. Hyunjin pouted.
“You know I hate horror Movies. They Scare me.” He said.
“It’s Resident Evil.” Minho said unblinking.
Hyunjin continued to Pout. Minho sighed. “Fine we can share the bed.” Hyunjin grinned and nestled closer to him.
“You know you can simply ask. I won’t refuse you.” Minho said, clicking on the title giving Hyunjin a fleeting look. It was fond.
“It’s more fun this way.” He supplied. Minho snorted and tightened his grip just a little more. He felt content. And happy.
~~
It started last Friday. A year after on the same day Chan was killed. First were the creaking of freshly trimmed doors, than weirds smells around the house to finding a dead crow in his dustbin.
Minho screamed on seeing blood across the mirror. “I’ll spend forever with you.” It read. It was Chan’s Writing. It was just the way he used to write. Minho spun around, taking his phone out and dialed Hyunjin.
He needed to get out. “Hi Hyung” Hyunjin Chirped.
“H-Hyunjin.” Minho sobbed out. Why was this happening? Specially when he was finally free of Chan.
“Hyung what’s wrong?! Do you want me to come around?” his voice sounded distressed on hearing Minho sob.
“He-He Chan. Blood. Please help me.” It felt like his lungs were constricting into themselves, not letting any air enter as he struggled to breath.
Chan wasn’t back. Was he?. Chan couldn’t be. He had killed him. Right. Chan was dead. Gosh Chan was dead. He had killed him. He had-the world around him blurred into hazy vision and black spots until everything dulled to black.
~~
“You both were connected so deep your souls themselves carved each other their very own Minho. Chan is gone but he took a part of your soul away from him.” Jeongin as he watched the trembling boy with concerned eyes.
“So that means-” Hyunjin didn’t dare finish the sentence, only holding Minho closer. “This means he left a part of himself as well.” Jeongin finished his thoughts.
Minho whimpered in his hold. Hyunjin felt his heart break on seeing him in so much pain. He rocked him gently, running his hands around his back, trying to provide him any sort of warmth he could.
“What do we have to do then?” he asked, the taste of desperation seeping out in his words as he gazed at Jeongin with such despair that he wondered how fate missed something so beautiful, that how these two weren’t soulmates, no previous strings attached, bare to the bones when it came to being each other’s.
“We wait. We wait until his soul stops searching for him and just- Just settles down.” Jeongin says. There wasn’t much he could about it. It was all in Minho’s hand.
“But that message?” Minho asks. His voice like glass and eyes glossy, a sort of tiredness washing over his body.
“That was Chan messing up with you. I can give you tailsmen until they stop happening. Chan isn’t in this dimension any longer. His soul can’t be either once your connection fades.” He saw Hyunjin nuzzle closer to Minho, saw Minho melting just a little bit into his hold as he nodded and let his head rest against his.
Jeongin wondered how fate was feeling seeing their strings dance around each other so beautifully, it was almost magical.
Sometimes fate was a wicked bitch.
~~
It’s been a month since the visions had stopped, the nightmares residing and the feeling of dread washing away. The bond was breaking. Jeongin had said. Just a few days and you’ll be free. Hyunjin and your bond broke the connection with Chan.
And Minho was pulling into himself. Hyunjin could feel it. It was like a physical boundary had been created between them. He maintained his distance, his smiles were cautious and the time he spent with Hyunjin had lowered significantly. Hyunjin hated it. Hated whatever was happening between them.
He wish Minho would let him reach out, apologize if he had overstepped, talk about it but it’s almost like he lives alone in a shared apartment of two with fleeting traces of socks, cat food and the smell of burnt coffee lingering around that reminded him Minho lived there too.
He groaned as he watched the minute hand tick, drumming his fingers over the dining table as he waited for Minho to come home. He had let his phone go to voicemail, only responding to his message of come home early please with a I’ll try.
It was midnight.
It hurt and Hyunjin didn’t know how to mend whatever this was. Maybe Minho was just fed up of him. Maybe he wanted a break-
The door grated loudly before opening as Minho stumbled inside. He looked so tired.
“Hyung.” His voice sounded defeated. In a way he was. Minho looked up in surprise, eyes a bit wide before giving him a smile. Hyunjin continued staring. The smile dimmed before falling off his face as he looked away.
“I am sorry Hyunjin.” His voice cracked. Hyunjin opened his arms and called out for him again. Minho went into them and remained there. They stayed like that for Minutes.
“I am sorry.” Minho said once again, parting slightly, hands still on Hyunjin’s waist. “I didn’t mean to ghost you like this. You don’t deserve that.” He said, not meeting his eyes.
Hyunjin gently nudged his Chin just a little bit, looking at him with a smile. “You are right. I didn’t. So let’s talk about it hyung. Please don’t pull away from me like this.”
Minho nodded. Hyunjin gave him a kiss on his forehead, and then on his cheeks before taking his hand into his, entwining their fingers together and led him to their room.
“Sit and talk to me.” He said, voice sweet and settled down next to him.
“I-” Minho took a deep breath “I love you Hyunie.” Hyunjin felt his heart beat skip and blur into a rapid tandem, stomach feeling gooey and a feeling of content wash over him. Minho loved him. Minho loved him. He gave Minho a reassuring smile, asking him to continue whilst telling him it’s okay, don’t be scared.
Minho smiled back, it was small but genuine. “I was scared we were going to end up just like him and I.” He avoided Hyunjin eyes after saying the last part.
“Oh hyung.” Hyunjin whispered, eyes burning up and pulled him closer. “Hyung I love you. I love you and we are different hyung. I don’t want ownership over you hyung, neither do you. I just want to love you and be by your side you know.” He confessed.
Minho met his eyes, a bit unbelieving that his sentiment was returned. “I know Hyunjin. I know. I just let irrational fear take over me. I am so stu-”
“And I am going to stop you right here hyung. You are not stupid for having fears and doubts hyung. Your fear isn’t irrational and it’s clearly justified. Just please talk to me next time huh. Or anyone. Just don’t do this to yourself.” Minho’s face melted into a teary smile as he brought his hands near Hyunjin’s face, and brushed off tears over his face. Hyunjin hadn’t realize he was crying.
“I will. I’ll make it up to you Hyunie.” He said. Hyunjin raised his eyes, lips curling into a teasing smile.
“Anything?” He asked.
“Shut up.” Minho’s ears turned bright red.
Hyunjin giggled and leaned closer, brushing their nose together. “How about a kiss for now?” He asked.
“That I can do.” Minho answered and soon soft lips were over his, kissing him so gently his heart ached and he tightened his grip, deepening the kiss, tasting Minho and tangy cherry. He loved it. He loved the boy so much.
They both parted away to catch their breath, kissing once again and again and again. It felt so perfect, Warm and just them.