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“What if I asked you to stay out of this, no matter what, to stay out of the Matrix?”
“Why?” she asked, incredulous even if her tone was hushed.
Their two hands already entwined, he moved his other to cover them and squeezed.
“Please,” he said, his eyes unwavering. The desperation he conveyed was palpable and she all at once wanted to hold him and to challenge him, unable to understand why he would make such a request at such a time.
“Alright,” she whispered after a beat.
The bottom line was she trusted him more than anyone and she knew she needed to trust this as well, even if her questions were numerous. Morpheus’ words still rang in her ears. I believe this night holds, for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives. She had a hard time believing the meaning of her life was to sit on the sidelines during what could be the final battle of a war she’d spent most of her life fighting, one way or another.
She opened her mouth to speak again, but signed instead, her eyes falling to their hands instead. His grip on her was still tight.
“Thank you,” he said, squeezing her hand.
She looked at him then, her pinched brows relaxing at the expression of relief on his face. Faith has always been a complicated concept for her given the only thing she truly believed in for many years was her own instincts. Working her way up to being second in command to Morpheus expanded her mind to encompass a faith in him as well, but not necessarily a belief that salvation lied within a mysterious One. Now that that One sat before her, she realized how different faith and belief were and though she still didn’t believe he alone was going to end this war, her faith in him and what he felt he needed to be was complete.
“There’s something else I wanted to say…” he said, his gaze falling to the floor.
“What?”
“I…I’m sorry about what happened in that bathroom. It’s not something I wanted to—“
It’s just a kiss, Persephone had said. The unbidden explosion of jealousy that had overtaken her once Persephone had expressed her desire still surprised her and still lingered a bit if she was being honest. She had always prided herself in her ability to keep her emotions at bay, especially inside the Matrix. It was more than a skill, it was a necessity when inside and the ability of all soldiers to do so is was kept them alive and missions from being compromised. But even as the regret for such a blatant display washed over her, she could still feel her finger on that trigger and how satisfying it would have been to pull it.
“Neo,” she said gently, stopping his words. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
He turned his head to look at her once more, remorse written all over his face. She couldn’t help but smile. He may be a man of maddeningly few words at times, but when it came to her, he wore his heart on his sleeve and she knew without a shadow of doubt, now more than ever before, his heart belonged to her.
She stood up, pulling her hand from his grasp, and standing in front of him, rested her hands on his shoulders. She then climbed atop his lap, straddling him, and felt herself exhale as her body pressed into his. She snaked her arms around his neck as his arms wrapped around her waist.
“I could see it,” he said. “In your code. You wanted to kill her even if she did keep her end of the bargain.”
Such emotion over something so small, she’d said. It’s just a kiss.
She chuckled softly and captured his mouth, slowly and tenderly before she replied. “Well, turns out the adrenaline rush of racing a motorcycle backwards on a freeway is great for processing anger.”
It was his turn to laugh.
The problem was, a kiss was never just a kiss between them. Each was a reaffirmation, a reclamation, a restoration, of their commitment and their devotion, to each other and to their roles within this fight. It was how they grounded each and reminded each other of their power of not only their humanity, but their unbreakable connection. To ask to sample that was an insult and a betrayal to be sure, but certainly not his.
“I love you,” she whispered against his lips, her eyes pleading with his. “Please be careful in there.”
“Trinity…” he began, his body tensing under her just slightly, his eyes once again dark with a worry he wouldn’t name. He shook his head then and kissed her again, his hands cradling her head now. His mouth became desperate against hers, his tongue searching for hers, his breath quickening and his moans frequent. She felt like he was trying to swallow her whole and for a moment, she wanted nothing more then to let him.
She broke the kiss first, chest heaving and hips rocking ear so slightly. Now was not the time.
“You need to go,” she said, her palm against his cheek. “I’ll be here, watching.”
“I love you,” he whispered.
She nodded, eyes wet with sudden tears, and swept her thumb lightly over his lips.
“I’ll be here,” she said. “Waiting.”
She didn’t know what was going to happen next. Nothing felt certain anymore, nothing but them, nothing but this. To diverge from their path now, to stay behind while he walked into an unknown, still seemed incomprehensible. Her heart momentarily ached with worry and she closed her eyes, letting her other senses take over. She could smell him against her, hear his breath, could feel his stubble under her fingertips, and then, as he leaned in once again and kissed her, she could taste him on her tongue.
She felt grounded. And she trusted in whatever was going to happen next.