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Resilience

Chapter 76: latibule - (n.) a hiding place; a place of safety and comfort

Notes:

...still there?

I can't believe I did not update this for a year. The months went by so fast and like a blur. Last year was one of the hardest I ever struggled through. But I made it. However, I don’t know why it everything takes me so damn freaking long. Maybe because of the new meds or something in my brain that is still not working as it did before my (mental) health crisis. Like I’m trying. Maybe the story in particular takes me so long because I have already finished writing it in my head and now I struggle to put my brain onto paper…Don't know. But whatever.

I am so immensely grateful for all of you guys. Your Comments and kind words. For 254 Kudos and 11,665 Hits. You are incredible!
A lot of love, Kddlz

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Okay, let's rewind this for a second," Bobby exclaimed in bafflement while sitting cross-legged on Nick's bed in room 108. "Jesse, your formerly secret half-brother and son of Robert Coste - who apparently is also your father - showed you his horse?"

Nick grabbed another one of Seiji's trillion books from a hastily thrown-together pile of them on the floor, "Yup," he said.

As he turned around to put the book back on the newly moved bookshelf, Bobby exclaimed with an expression of utter bewilderment, "And just before that, you saw another horse give birth and actually got to name the baby 'Buttercup'; the very same name you tease Jesse Coste with?”

"Believe me, I did not expect it either," mumbled Nick as he tried to arrange the books in alphabetical order, as Seiji had them before. He hoped to have the bookcase quickly ready to surprise Seiji when he got back from the library. He will flip, Nick thought affectionately.

Meanwhile, Bobby on the bed, gestured wildly, “And after all that, Jesse shoved you off a freaking barn attic into a pile of hay? To have fun?!”

Nick briefly turned around and lifted his forefinger to correct through his still slightly stuffy nose, “It was a pile of straw. The horse people seem to have a strong opinion on that.” 

Bobby folded his hands into a capital A and pointed at Nick, who continued unbothered to put Seiji’s books back on the shelf. “And because, of course, you find Jesse’s dangerous stunt funny too, you have a cold now?”

Nick smiled crookedly, “I guess.”

Bobby looked stunned. "And all that led to the moment Jesse's mom held a little pot to your nose to clean it?"

"It was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, Bobby. Jesse even had to hold me in place so that I wouldn’t sprint right out of the bathroom,” Nick chuckled and grabbed another book to sort it into the shelf. “But I have to admit that it helped. I don’t feel sick at all anymore. Just a bit of a runny nose but other than that…I think Jesse could have been right that I just got nuked with pollen.” He continued, nodding to himself, “Definitely helpful to manage all the suicides Robert let Jesse and me run after for our unauthorized Fastfood-Feast the night before.” 

"I don't know whether I should laugh or be worried about you, Nicholas Cox." Bobby held his cheeks with both of his hands as if to compose himself.

Nicholas laughed loudly, "Well, I had to laugh a lot when Jesse suddenly ran behind the next best tree to violently puke."

Bobby tried his hardest to remain serious and not to laugh as well, but the badly suppressed twitch around his lips soon broke free, "Oh Dios Mio," he said, hiding his amusement behind his hands. "What the absolute heck is going on in that family..."

Nicholas shrugged half-heartedly and supplied, "Maybe the normal Coste-Madness?"

"…You seem to fit into this family perfectly fine, Nicky." nodded Bobby and continued to giggle for a while.

Nicholas rolled his eyes at Bobby’s conclusion. Just as he was about to continue putting Seiji’s books back into the shelf an incoming notification on his phone interrupted the process. 

Nick let out a surprised sound as he opened the text he got and mumbled, “No way… Jesse is really going through with the plan.”

Bobby’s attention changed away from most likely still reflecting silently about Nick’s weekend while loosely flipping through one of Seiji’s books about fencing. “Huh?” he asked.

“Jesse just texted that he’s about to tell one of his teammates of me being his Half-Brother.”

“Really?” Bobby widened his eyes, “That’s good, right?”

Putting his phone to the side again, Nick mused, “It is…” While walking to another stack of books to put them away, he added, “ At least I think. I honestly hadn’t thought Jesse would seriously consider my advice. He bitched about it yesterday to no end. That he never agreed to the plan, that I’m an asshole bla bla bla.” 

Bobby, asked curiously,  “What plan?”

“That Jesse is going to talk about the Secret-Sibling-Matter with at least one of his teammates and in return I will talk to Gene about his alleged falling out with him.”  Nick murmured as he struggled to put an exaggeratedly large book onto the shelf, “Man, I'm telling you, Jesse's sulking about it like crazy…”

Bobby's cheery expression dimmed at that. "Gene and Jesse had a falling out?” he frowned. “But why? I thought they got closer?”

Nick scratched awkwardly over the back of his head. "Uhhh, well, since I told you guys about the Sibling-Thing, Genè is kind of ghosting him. He did not even show up to a da-” He quickly rephrased embarrassed, “A thing Jesse and he had planned long before the secret was out.” He added remorseful, "Since then Jesse has been really miserable. Eating his feelings all the time while forcing me to watch sadder and sadder movies."

"Oh…” Bobby looked almost equally rueful. “But- But Gené liked Jesse for forever now," he cleared his throat and tumbled over his words just as clumsy as Nick just moments before, "Well, I mean… As a friend, of course."

Nick smiled weakly. "…It took me a moment or two but, I think, we all know by now, that our lil Team Traitor stopped liking the Golden Boy just as a friend for a while now."

Bobby’s big brown eyes widened. But after a short and silent pause to process, he suddenly squealed excitedly. "Oh, thank the gods, I’m not the only one who noticed it!? And Jesse likes him back, right?! Please say yes!” He jumped up from the bed, “Like it’s so obvious at this point!”

Out of an unexpected little twinge of respect for his half-brother’s little secret, Nicholas tried to suppress a teasing grin and shrugged his shoulders in faux-ignorance, “Who knows.”

But of course, Bobby understood what was left unsaid by Nick. In his delight, he grabbed Nick’s hands and jumped up and down, squeaking.

"Ohhh, that's like the telenovelas my Abuela loves to watch!” He let go of Nick’s hands to clap his own and giggled, “This probably will be a bigger scandal than the half-brother thing, Nicky!" He made a motion with his hands in the air that looked like an invisible rainbow, " ‘Exton Champion and Number One nationally romantically involved with Kings Row Reserve. Will their love story survive the State Championship when their teams will face each other in the finals?"

Nick rolled his eyes in amusement, “First, they actually need to be romantically involved, Bobby.” He chuckled, “That's why I need to talk to Gene about this whole thing in the first place. As I said, I have a plan.” 

Bobby's eyes glittered. "Let me be part of the plan!”

Nick thought about it for a moment. How could Bobby help with this sensitive matter? Would it even be okay for the others if Nick involved Bobby? But then it hit him. He started to grin mischievously, "Maybe I could use another one of your lists with date ideas, Bobby?"

"Yes?!” Bobby was into it at once. He once again jumped up and down excitedly and clapped his hands, “This is going to be great! I think I already have a thousand ideas. A Romantic Picnic on the beach, dinner at the harbor, doing a cooking class together! -" 

Bobbie's enthusiasm infected Nick fast. He nodded eagerly, "Have I told you that Jesse is soon competing in some horse show in Greenwich? Maybe after that, we could-"

But before finishing his sentence, the noise of the opening dorm door 108 interrupted their conversation, a sound that had become all too familiar to Nick. Therefore it did not take long to identify who was about to enter room 108. The first thing Nicholas was greeted with, however, was Seiji gasping in horror.

"For heaven's sake! Nicholas Cox!”  His voice echoed off the walls of the room when he continued screeching, "I barely was in the library for an hour!”  

Okay admittedly, Nick can kind of understand why Seiji might be horrified right now. Through Seiji’s eyes, he must have found himself in his personal hell. Everywhere Seiji would look in their shared room, he would see books in piles, stacks, or just loosely scattered around the whole floor, beds, and other furniture. The chaos not even stopped at their natural curtain border that usually would part Nick’s cluttering from Seiji’s neatness. 

Seiji flared his nostrils and gestured wildly around the room, “What the actual heck happened here?!”

To diffuse the situation and tame his distressed personal librarian at least a little bit, Nick danced over to Seiji, giving him a side hug.  "Don’t you remember? I got you a new desk, dumbass. And to make room for it, I moved your bookshelf away from where your new table goes." He pointed to the shelf that now stood on the wall next to the doorway, "Look, it fits like a glove."

Seiji made this funny thing with his mouth. On any other person, their jaw would be on the floor, but on Seiji, it looked like a cute fish that tried to breathe without water.   “And how on earth does that justify covering the entire room with my books, Nicholas?!” 

Nick released Seiji from his embrace and shrugged, smiling crookedly. "Well, Dante said that without all the books on the shelf, it would be easier to move it over. So, Dante, Bobby, and I quickly took them out... Not my fault that you have so freaking many books."

"Dante was here too? When? Why?” Seiji turned highly alerted around.

A moment later he hurried over to a crooked pile and fretted over his books, gesturing distressed through the room, “ You can’t just do something like that unannounced in the first place! It’s almost curfew. The desk is still miles away!" 

Nicholas chuckled and put his hands on his own hips. "Don't worry. I’m going to bring the table over soon enough." He turned around to face Bobby and winked at him, “Perfect opportunity to involve Eugene in a long-overdue conversation.”

Bobby couldn’t even reply to that before another loud gasp echoed through the room and caused Nick to shiver unexpectedly…And not in a good way.

"My bookmarks… You- You let them all fall out of the pages." Seiji tore at his black hair, strands falling onto his forehead.

Nicholas and Bobby glanced at each other for a second, guilt evident on their faces.

“Not all of them fell out. See,” supplied Nick carefully, pointing to a few books on their old desk, “Bobby did a good job saving-“

When Seiji looked up from the book he madly flipped through, his piercing eyes zeroed in on his teammates. His expression was ice and steel, contorted with distress, so cutting that Nick had to shiver once more. Seiji’s infamous glare turned the air around them to something unbreathable. It looked like Seiji slowly but surely was about to have a meltdown.

The last time he looked like this, Nicholas had renewed his undercut and left the hair in the sink and all over the bathroom floor. 

Nick’s priority quickly focused on the task of minimizing the tantrum his best friend was about to have. Exchanging another glance with Bobby, he silently communicated his understanding about Seiji’s limited cool. Seiji Katayama was thoroughly on the verge of a temper tantrum. 

Bobby luckily got it. "Uh, I think I'll go now!” He smiled sheepishly and quickly walked in the direction of the doorway.  “Good night, guys!"

Nicholas hurried after Bobby, accompanying him to the door and speaking rushed, “Say thanks to Dante again for helping me last minute to move the shelf ." He became a little quieter as he opened the door, a sense of urgency in his tone to usher his small best friend out of Seiji's danger zone as quickly as possible, "And absolute silence about our Team-Traitor-Love-Birds. Let’s talk more about them  when I know how Jesse’s talk with Marcel went...."

 

 

So far this whole plan was shit, cursed Jesse internally. This talk will be an utter mess if it happens in the first place, argued Jesse with himself as he crept through the hallway of the Exton dormitory.

“Why not start little?” Nick had said. “Like a band-aid. One quick pull then it’s over.” He had said.

Nick was truly an idiot; Jesse swore internally as he remembered those words of his moronic family secret.  Because who was Jesse kidding? He had never had such a tough time knocking on someone's damn door!

He already had been pacing through the Exton dormitory hallway for what felt like an eternity, waiting for a sign from above to make the final move. Because he just could not bring himself to do it.

Swiftly looking at the clock on the wall, Jesse clenched his jaw hard as he calculated how much time he had left until curfew. How much time he had left to have a nervous breakdown quietly and secretly in the hallway.

Who knew if Marcel would even hear him out? Since he had spontaneously canceled on his teammates and their planned movie night yesterday, things had been suspiciously quiet in the group chat… 

Self-doubt that he had never experienced to this extent before began to spread through him like an ugly virus. Now, he could relate to Seiji's uncharacteristic hesitation to talk to Nick in the hospital weeks ago. This is nuts!

Continuing to wander back and forth in front of Marcel's dorm door, Jesse nervously ran his hands through his hair. Had his complicated life ultimately damaged his bond with the team? Had he lost face in front of the closest thing he has to friends so near to the State championship without even telling them about Nicholas? What would happen when he eventually revealed the whole mess? Would they hate him? Would they ever talk to him again? What would the international fencing elite do with this story if it became public? Would not only Jesse lose his standing but also his father? All these unanswered insecurities circulated through his mind making his head spin.

After another five minutes spent freaking out, he decided that his current state of mind was definitely Nick’s fault! To let off some sort of steam, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the chat with him to text the one at fault about his own agony and anxiety.

However, texting Nick also had an unintentional but big effect on Jesse. It reminded him of something. A still foreign feeling... The realization that he would never be completely left behind anymore if the worst case happened.

Nicholas may have been an unplanned addition to Jesse’s life, but he was present.

…Annoyingly present but still.

Jesse was somewhat sure that this would not necessarily change in the near future and that Nick would keep annoying Jesse with his presence.

This sudden understanding was a weird emotion. But it helped Jesse to calm down a bit and get a grip on his nerves at least a little.

Jesse took one long deep breath as he stopped right in front of Marcel’s dorm door.

You have got this, he silently reassured himself. Besides, Nick said his own team received the news well. And Jesse was sure that they would have had far more reasons to villainize him than the other way around. 

The moment his hand determinedly knocked on the wooden door for the third time, Marcel finally answered the door. 

After seconds of awkward silence when they made eye contact, Jesse eventually broke out of his state of freeze, cleared his throat, and nervously greeted Marcel. 

“Jesse,” replied Marcel after giving him a once-over rather dismissively. “Why are you-” 

Before Marcel could even finish his question, though, Jesse quickly ducked under Marcel's arm that was holding the door open and let himself into the room.

"We need to talk! I- I probably should have done it sooner…But there was so much happening that-”

"If it's about yesterday or, to be honest, about the past weeks, save it," Marcel suddenly interrupted in a monotone voice.

Jesse looked startled up from where he now paced nervously through Marcel’s room.

His teammate leaned in the doorframe, behind him the lit-up hallway, looking tired of Jesse already. If Marcel’s stern but aloof face was anything to go by. No sign that he was about to close the door so that Jesse could speak his mind in private.

Marcel crossed his arms and continued, “Jesse, I- Well, actually the whole team and Coach may not understand the whole story, but everyone knows that you’re going through something. In fact, I was just on my way over to the twins to outline some kind of crisis conversation Donati wants to do next practice.” He resumed indifferently, “I do not know what happened between you and Pineapple-Boy but… Heartbreak or not, it affects the whole team, Jesse. Especially now. Only a few weeks before the States… Rumor has it that Donati even thinks about temporarily appointing someone else as a captain because you are all over the place. Hell, even your dad has been acting weird.”

Jesse felt his blood freeze up, “What-”

Marcel replied almost nonchalant. “Aster overheard Donati argue about it with Robert. Talking about the lack of engagement you show for the team at the moment…And canceling on almost every team outing we come up with isn’t helping the case either, Jesse.”

With ice running through his veins and slicing him from the inside out, Jesse gulped around a sudden lump. He looked down and exhaled a humorless laugh. This is it, huh? The downfall of the former number one nationally. The stinging arch in his throat slowly but surely spread painfully down his body as Marcel’s words unfolded their full impact.

“Fuck, I- I know I should have talked to-” He gulped, “To you guys sooner but I did not know-” Unable to contain all the darkness that broke Jesse open more and more, he buried his face into his hands and paced through the room again, chuckling in a way that could be crying if he allowed himself to shed tears. “Maybe it would be better to kick me out of the team altogether. My life is falling apart with or without it anyway… Oh, how I wish Gene would be the only reason for this mess…”

Jesse bit painfully hard into his cheek. But it was of no use. He could not hold it in any longer and continued distraught, avoiding the other's gaze at any cost. “But I did not know how to talk about this…No one that already knows is sure how to do this the best way…” 

Marcel’s formally stern expression had morphed into one that faintly resembled confusion and concern. And somehow that made Jesse feel even worse as he felt his eyes on himself. His mind spiraled out of control in the rhythm of his too-fast heartbeat. What has his life turned into?

Jesse’s stomach cramped with anxiety, as he began unsteadily, “Okay, uh, maybe you should sit down for this, Marcel.” As this sentence was followed up with the sudden urge to dry heave, Jesse muttered strained, “O-Or maybe I should sit down.” Something made his legs a little shaky. He might be hyperventilating too. “I- I definitely should sit down.”

Marcel uncrossed his arms and moved away from the door frame. Now definitely alarmed, he asked, “You okay, Jesse?”

Jesse laughed wryly or to be frank, gulped in the air and clasped his shirt tightly. “I might have a nervous breakdown,” 

“I can see that.” 

Jesse found himself on Marcel’s bed again. Once securely sitting on it, Jesse buried his head once again in his hands and tried his best not to cry hysterically in front of his teammate. Blurry memories of the moment Marcel even had to guide him to the bed mixed shame into his endless sea of emotions. Jesse could not place or even name all of them anymore. Everything was a mess.

“Have some.” Spoke Marcel all of a sudden, handing him a bottle of water.

After what felt like forever, Jesse took a few mouthfuls once breathing and nausea were manageable again. His hands still slightly shaking.

Trying to console him, Marcel patted him awkwardly on the shoulder, “Keep breathing nice and slow.” To lighten the mood, Marcel said as he carefully sat down beside Jesse, “Jesus, that is not how I thought this talk would end, Captain.”

Once Jesse had successfully calmed down more, Marcel continued very cautiously, “…I texted the twins that something came up and I will be late…So, let’s talk, Jesse.” He put once again a hand on Jesse’s shoulder in a manner of comfort and asked audibly concerned, “I never have seen you like this and that is starting to scare me a little. What’s wrong?”

Jesse ran one of his trembling hands through his blond hair and inhaled shakily. Where could he possibly even start? After another moment to brace himself a little more, he began slowly, “D-Do you remember the second Reserve from Kings Row? Nicholas Cox?”

Marcel furrowed his brows in confusion, “Seiji Katayama’s bad-technique teammate you don’t like? Of course, I do. Nicholas has quite a reputation, don’t you think? Besides the viral fight videos, didn’t he even catch your father’s attention? Is that it? Did he in the end react to the sponsorship opportunity?”

“It’s not exactly that simple…” Jesse laughed once again humorlessly.

 

 

Complicated…Sometimes Nick did not understand why his life had to be that complicated. Why he hadn’t fallen in love with someone a little less difficult. Dealing with Seiji’s quirks can be a lot. Any sane person would probably have classified Seiji’s tantrum an hour ago as a massive argument between them… But by now Nick knew the drill. Luckily for Nick, he managed to escape the full force of Seiji's meltdown this time by seeking refuge on his own bed and keeping as still and quiet as possible. Well, at least after Seiji had cursed him out about practically every mistake he ever had made as a roommate and shoved him rudely out of the way to put his entire book collection back by himself.

Nevertheless, the shower curtain with the overly happy ducklings dividing their space, was a blessing at the moment. It provided a still somewhat needed physical barrier between Seiji and him since the tension in their room was a little too thick for comfort. Nick might even be able to cut through it if he had the means. Seiji, up until now, hadn’t looked or spoken to Nick at all since he fled to his side of the curtain as well. And all just because Nick wanted to ensure that Seiji knew he only had summoned up his personal hell to make the best out of their limited space in their dorm.

To subtly check on Seiji’s level of anger and start to get ready for the night, Nicholas eventually rose cautiously from his bed with the utmost care to avoid making any noise. Moving silently through their shared dorm room, Nick quickly retrieved his sleep shirt and went to brush his teeth. It was then that he noticed, the other had already readied himself for the night as well. Despite the lingering scowl on his face from the recent bookcase incident, Seiji, fortunately, appeared finally relatively at ease. Seated comfortably on his bed, headphones on, and a large book on his lap. A book that Nick was certain he had taken from the shelf earlier that day, wondering why Seiji had a book about gigantic goldfishes.

Just Seiji’s dark piercing eyes looked unusually tired, his expression worn out, noted Nick, as he followed Seiji’s gaze flowing over the paragraphs in the book. However, the fact that Seiji so uncharacteristically looked so outwardly tired is unusual but explainable. Sometimes Nick forgets that Seiji - even if he seems to be the quiet one out of the two - has his own little battles to fight.

Cleaning the last remains of toothpaste from his mouth, a tender smile grew on Nick’s face as he thought about his most important person. Seiji already goes all out with everything on an ordinary day; giving 120% daily. But now, so close before the State Championships and schoolwork not getting less, Seiji’s schedule was tight as fuck. No wonder Seiji had concerns about them spending not enough time with each other. But that’s just how he is, mused Nick silently. When Seiji takes charge of something, he wants to do it as best as possible.

And that’s why a sense of determination washed over Nick as he put his toothbrush away. He wanted to give Seiji a little ease back into his life. Thinking about how to erase the almost permanent scowl on Seiji, Nick quickly knew what might help. It had been an entire weekend since he had last seen Seiji anyway. They had so much to catch up on, and Nick was in desperate need of a hug from his favorite human as well.

He quickly finished preparing for bed and started to approach his sulking roommate. Making his best puppy-eyed expression to warm Seiji’s cold exterior, Nick nudged his fingers against Seiji’s knee over the duvet. “Still mad?”

Without even removing the headphones or lifting his gaze to meet Nick's, Seiji let out a low grumble, "Yes."

"So," Nick began slowly, pushing even more tenderness and softness into his voice. A little pout formed on his lips. "No cuddling for today?"

Turning a page in his book, Seiji dismissively answered, "You still smell like a horse."

Taken aback, Nicholas blinked one, two, maybe even three times in surprise. Jesse had evidently not exaggerated how much Seiji Katayama disliked the smell of stables and barns.

"Come on, Seiji," Nicholas chuckled, a quick smirk appearing on his lips. "You know that's not true. I've changed my clothes and washed up like three times since then."

Seiji did not answer and kept on ignoring Nick.

“Seijiiiii,” Nick groaned dramatically and whined, “It feels like I haven’t been hugged in years! I forgot what human contact feels like.”

Seiji’s brows furrowed even deeper on his face. Nick couldn’t place if that was a positive scowl of consideration or a negative one. If Nicholas didn't know better, he would almost think Seiji really didn't want him around right now, but if that were the case, he would have already banished him from their room entirely. Right now, however, Nick sensed that his boyfriend was just being a dick.

Seiji Katayama. Unthinkably cute when irritated. Probably able to slit Nick’s throat with a single book page though. Godly skilled in almost anything but at the same time just a big baby who throws over dramatic fits and only like-likes one person. That last conclusion was something, Nicholas got gradually surer about. You may ask why considering Seiji’s rather cold behavior right now. Well, after a full minute of heavy silence that almost made Nicholas fear for his good night cuddles at last, Seiji eventually but reluctantly moved closer to the wall by his bed, rolling his eyes hard. A silent but typical settlement Seiji often used nowadays. Especially at night when he clearly was decompressing from the day.

Nick couldn't contain his excitement though, and let out a little squeal as he wiggled his way into Seiji's personal space, slipping under his covers. But before he could even make himself comfortable half on top of Seiji, to his surprise, Seiji even removed his headphones and closed the book to put both away for the night.

A little nervous to have pushed too much, Nick clarified, “Uh, you don’t have to stop doing what you’re doing Seiji, I will keep quiet.”

Seiji sighed as he finished putting the stuff away, “We both know, you can’t, and in approximately five minutes I won’t be able to read in peace anymore.” Glancing at the clock above their door, he added low, “We only have a little under 15 minutes until curfew anyway-”

Nick felt slightly offended and pouted slightly, "Can you blame me for wanting to cuddle you before sleep… We haven't seen each other all weekend!"

Ignoring Nick’s sulking expression altogether, Seiji wordlessly got comfortable himself and allowed Nick closer who immediately used the once again silent agreement and smothered Seiji with his weight. When Nick successfully curled around him, a leg over Seiji’s, and hugged him tightly, Nick immediately felt warm and safe. He wanted to cling to his shirt and never let go.

He buried his face into Seiji’s chest over his silly baby blue PJs and breathed in the comfort and mumbled, “How about we stay like this forever.”

Seiji scoffed and fought his arms out of Nicholas's embrace. “I would appreciate it to still be able to breathe, Nicholas,” He pinched the bridge of his nose, “It is truly a mystery to me how a single person can want so much attention as you.”

Nick looked up where he had wrenched his face into Seiji’s upper body. He frowned confused and a bit insecure. "What do you mean?"

Seiji met his eyes and arched a perfectly sharp brow, “Well, from what you’ve told us so far, your weekend was full of wanted and unwanted attention. I mean, Jesse holding you in place, so his mother was able to physically force you to a treatment for a runny nose. All the while Robert stood at the door and laughed about what he must have seen.” He shook his head, a grain of amusement flickering over his face, “Just to let Jesse and you run hundreds of suicides afterward for eating calories worth for three days Saturday night. A gluttony that only took place because Jesse thought you were getting sick and canceled on his entire team. And if all that wasn't enough Jesse's mother successfully made half the stable she usually takes care of think that Jesse and you are a couple.”

Nick rolled his eyes and snorted, "Don't tell me you're jealous ag-"

Seiji sneered as if he had never heard anything more ridiculous. He lifted his hand in a manner of silencing Nick, “Let's be honest, Nicholas, that's more attention anyone should be comfortable with taking place in barely two days.”

Nick wrapped his hand around one of Seiji’s wrists to bring his hand closer to his mouth to press a kiss against the palm of Seiji’s hand. He replied, smiling faintly into Seiji’s hand, “Y’know, I would say, it’s technically your fault, my love.” Nicholas nuzzled his nose against Seiji’s fingers, placing little kisses against them, “I never required so much attention until I got to know yours.”

Seiji’s eyes got a little bigger as he stared somewhat mesmerized at Nick’s lips brushing against the pale skin on his hand. After a moment, he stated with a taunting tilt in his voice and a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth, “All that is missing is that you sneaked the little pony you sent pictures of into KingsRow and started to hide it in our dorm."

Nick snickered, not confessing that he indeed thought about it for a second, “Don’t you make fun of me. After throwing a fit about having pets in the dorm, you eventually would like the little thing just as much as you like me.”

“Debatable,” A haughty smirk grew on Seiji’s face, a playful tone still mingling in between his words, “I think I would like it even more than you since it wouldn’t randomly redecorate our dorm and demolish my book collection.”

Nick gasped fake offended, jabbing Seiji lightly into his side with his free hand, “Take that back!”

The other let out a small, aborted giggle. A reason for Nick to follow up with another light jab to Seiji’s ribs. An area Nick by now knew was Seiji’s weak spot. Getting Seiji to laugh at least an itty-bitty tiny bit before he goes to sleep could be just what his most important person needs.

This time Seiji yelped between suppressed laughter and tried to squirm away from Nicholas’s grip. But it was too late. Nicholas was gone as he drowned in Seiji’s little suppressed giggles.

But what started as a few jabs to punish Seiji for making fun of Nick and lastly making him laugh, soon turned into a war. Seiji too attacked as he recognized the determination in Nick’s eyes.

At first, both did not even realize that they at some point literally wrestled to get into a better position for their little playful brawl. They exchanged playful hits and fought for the best spot to tickle the other with a playful and joyful air around them. Nicholas’s throat already felt hoars and his stomach hurt from all the laughter.

With a quick and swift rearrangement of limps, Nick rolled over Seiji and dug his dancing fingers into his sides. Seiji shrieked and giggled as he tried to wiggle away under Nicholas. But with the position on his back, he barely managed to push Nick’s arms away. As Nick met Seiji’s deep dark eyes through his tousled hair falling fluffily into his face, it felt like a repetition of some kind. These giggles. The sound.

"That was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard." 

Nicholas remembered.

Gasping for air, Nick found himself kneeling in between Seiji’s legs, while having his fingertips buried under Seiji’s sleepshirt, pressing into the exposed porcelain skin. Seiji’s giggles also shuddered to a stop. For a loaded moment, both teenagers did not say anything. Their gazes hold each other captive. All this time, and this feeling between them, is far quieter than Nick imagined it would be. Like a tender blossom. Less a sudden revelation that they must be in love but more a natural conclusion. Walking the path of the unknown together. Where were they always meant to be?

He felt his own cheeks heating up at these thoughts and the urge to avoid Seiji’s black orbs. He looked down to the pale skin that peeked through Seiji’s ruffled shirt.

Seiji moved his hand up Nick’s arms, quietly catching his breath as well. He whispered low; confused, “Nicholas?” He must have noticed the sudden change in Nick’s demeanor too.

Nick nibbled on his lower lip as he once again looked at Seiji, realizing how precious he was to him. Feeling the need to be even closer, Nick slid his palms flush against Seiji’s waist. Seiji looks so beautiful like this. So cozy, cute, and openly vulnerable. He replied low, “This feels like this De-Vodoo thing when something feels like it repeats itself.”

“De-Vodoo?” exhaled Seiji, faintly amused, a small smile playing over his lips. “You mean Déjà-vu. Not, De-Vodoo,”

“Smarty-pants.” Nick’s gaze darted from the smallest teasing smile he had ever seen from Seiji up to his eyes again. Once again locked onto Seiji’s captivating gaze, Nick seemed to be pulled forward by an invisible force with the possibility of falling endlessly into the dark void. He swallowed strained. Closer, the word echoed through his mind. Not fearing the darkness anymore, Nick whispered low, “Can I ask a dumb question?”

Seiji unconsciously spread his legs a little further, and suppressed another tiny smile, “Don’t you always?”

He straightened up a mustered Seiji under him. Nicholas's throat felt incredibly dry as his eyes couldn’t decide where to explore Seiji’s features again. His beautifully exclusive smile or the unconscious movement of his legs. Breathing suddenly seemed hard. Something seemed to charge itself, quietly but palpable. Seiji seemed to feel it too. His eyes had turned so deeply black, that Nicholas might get lost in their depths.

With a steadily but fast-rising chest, he murmured, “Can I kiss you?” He continued in breathless anticipation, “I really want to kiss you silly right now but what if my stuffy nose is a cold after all… If you catch it, Harvad will kill me for making you sick before the States.”

Instead of an answer only a pretty blush spread over Seiji’s nose across his cheeks. Nicholas teased his tongue between his lips, once again letting his gaze dart over Seiji’s face. A whole weekend they were separated but now so unbelievably close. Barely inches. Seiji’s breath already ghosting feather lightly over Nick’s own lips. The air between them getting even more charged. He felt a fervent desire to scream. Instead, he rasped low, “Is that a yes? …I need words.”

The flush on Seiji’s face only deepened. But contrary to the shy expression, Seiji unexpectedly urged low, leaning ever so slightly up to reduce the inches between them to a minimum, “Idiot. I allowed you into my bed, haven’t I? As I said, we have less than fifteen minutes. If you wait any longer-”

The rest of Seiji’s sentence drowned out in Nick’s head. He found himself grinning so hard, that his cheeks hurt. He truly had been wrong in assuming that his blunt Seiji would be anything but this in such things too.

He leaned down further, brushing his lips over Seiji’s, “Your wish is my command, your highness.”

Once Nick closed the gap between them, and their kiss turned into many, he knew it would not take them long to escalate things. Nick felt it in the way they moved, in the way Seiji breathed, the way their eyes were firmly fixed on each other as if they weren’t just kissing but seeing for the first time. Lost in their little bubble of pleasure, their kisses slowly but surely turned into a mess of tongues, teeth, and moans. Nicholas could feel their bliss building up gradually. He will never get enough of this.

An incoming text notification distracted Nicholas for a moment though. He broke away surprised and looked across the room at his phone on the bed. But before he could make any decisions on how to proceed, Seiji grabbed Nick’s shirt and moved on top of him, and continued to move himself down and kiss along Nick’s throat, lightly nibbling on his heated skin. “Not the curfew bell,”  exhaled Seiji.

“I know that, but-” Nicholas sat up with Seiji in his lap, holding on tightly at Seiji’s waist. He gave Seiji another peck on the lips and cupped his cheeks, murmuring, “This might be important though.”

Seiji furrowed his brows hard as gave Nicholas just enough room to reach over to his phone, remaining on his lap. He murmured, clearly irritated again, “It better be an emergency of some sort.”

Nick sighed and gave Seiji’s face free to lean over to his bed to get his phone, internally cussing his cockblocking relative out.  “Don’t get jealous again, but-” Nicholas turned back to him and gave him another small kiss on his cheek before opening the message, “It’s a text from Jesse. Probably about how the talk with Marcel went. He dropped the Bastard-Bomb today.”

Actually slightly pouting, Seiji mumbled, “I’m not jealous.” Before Nick even could express how incredibly adorable Seiji looked right now, the other peeked unapologetically into Nick’s phone and added, “But I hope Jesse has a good reason to interrupt.”

Notes:

TW: /

Love you all so much <3