Archive of Our Own ^beta

It all started with fire. 

First it was a bright red fury that inflamed a pair of ruby eyes, then a blaze beyond control that followed. 

"You lied to us!" Diluc threw his sword towards the shine of a star-shaped pupil that blinked at him between the flames, before it disappeared again. "You lied to me!"

The disappointment dripping from his voice cut through Kaeya's chest deeper than Diluc's red hot blade, wounding much more than just a flesh. 

"Please, let me explain-"

"You had our entire lifetime to explain yourself!" Diluc growled with anger, another swing of Wolf's Gravestone clearing his view from flames only to shoot them again at Kaeya's running figure. The bluenette dodged it at the last moment, fire licking his cheek and strands of hair as he raised his own sword against his brother. 

"I don't want to fight you!" Kaeya shouted through the roar of wind and hisses of flames dying in the rain. Smell of blood and burnt hair formed an awful mix that made his stomach twist on itself, truly a terrible time for his body to lose composure. "Luc, please!"

"Don't you ever call me that again, you traitor!"

There was so much venom in those words, so much pain in Diluc's voice, and Kaeya could blame only himself. To say the truth just after what happened to Master Crepus, how insensitive of him. But he couldn't wait any longer. 

"Just listen to me!"

"Shut up!" Another blast of heat hit Kaeya's face, forcing him to close his eye and take a step back in the unsteady, muddy ground. Diluc immediately raised his sword again, aiming at his face from the right, but Kaeya was faster than him regardless, blindly meeting his sword with the red one. Blades cried before them with sparks that jumped off their faces, just adding to the hell of fire around them, and their eyes met once again for a split second. "I won't believe any of your words ever again."

"Stop being such a stubborn idiot and listen to me!" Kaeya cried, more desperate and angry with every moment, but Diluc stopped paying attention to his words, swaying his weapon with only more violence. It was too late for them to talk. Now only their swords could speak. 

Kaeya's strategy was simple: avoid his hits and fires for as long as it was possible in hope Diluc will get tired of swinging his big chunk of metal, sooner than Kaeya will get tired of running. It sounded easy, yes, but it was close to impossible to fulfill with Diluc's deadly precision. Kaeya feared he would die before he could even start his plan, but it was all he had left. Another wall of hot air on his left knocked him off balance, on the right red sword too heavy to stop with his slim blade, now laughably small next to Diluc's claymore. Again and again, so close to his face, one more swing of metal almost getting through his eye patch, cutting a few strands of his hair instead. That was the moment when he figured out Diluc's own strategy. That's when he realized, and the realization hurt so much more than the fire eating up his arms and legs. That's when he really started to fear for his life. 

Every strike was aimed at his right, so precise and careful in its intention to hit where it will hurt the most. Oh, how many times Diluc has asked him about his lost eye, always so worried and ready to be there for him, always so close to his left to stay in Kaeya's sight. This vulnerability, which Diluc swore to protect until his last breath, so mercilessly used now to take life. The mere second of shock on Kaeya's face was more than enough for Diluc to take the advantage and before his rival could even realize his mistake, it was over. Kaeya's sword flew from his hand and pierced the earth too far for Kaeya's reach and Diluc stopped, to look down at its pathetic owner, so ungraceful in the mud, surrounded by rain and dying fire. 

Kaeya's breath fastened when he found nothing but hate in those red eyes staring at him now, once so full of love and joy. If he could reverse the time, he would have done everything differently, from the start, but magic like this didn't exist. His hope was gone. 

"Luc…"

It was too late. Wolf's Gravestone above his head had burned with fire one last time and Kaeya could only let himself cry in fear. He couldn't beg for forgiveness, to spare his awful life, he knew Diluc wouldn't listen. He didn't even have a God to pray to in his last moments. Diluc screamed in fury and Kaeya closed his eye as the sword fell on him in its last cut. 

Yet instead of burning flames, he felt a piercing cold, and a bright blue light made him open his eye once more. 

Big, cold wall came out of nowhere. Shimmering in the rain, glassy spikes rose from the ground towards Diluc and stopped his sword in the air, calming his mad fire around them. Freezing air hurt Kaeya's lungs, rain drops turned into pearls above their heads, and then it snowed, gently, as the world fell silent. He saw a deformed shadow of reds and blacks dancing on a surface of the ice in front of him, and then a blue orb at his own feet, cold air vibrating around it. A Vision. Suddenly everything became clear, when Kaeya sat in the frozen mud and held his gift from the Gods, so painfully cold against his fingers. Delicate Cryo symbol staring at him from inside the glass, Archon's eye piercing through his own soul. Was it a second chance for his life, or a curse for living in a lie, Kaeya didn't know yet. Just like he didn't know why Diluc haven't finished him in that moment. He could melt the ice with ease, what was just a few icicles for his devastating fire, and end it all for good. 

But Diluc did nothing. Only grabbed his sword and turned back, without even laying his eyes on Kaeya when he left him there. And Kaeya would never know why. 

Diluc hasn't come back for him to ask that. 

Kaeya expected him to be gone for a few days after their incident, of course, they both needed time alone to collect their thoughts and calm down in peace. But when, after a week, Diluc hadn't showed up in the Winery nor Knights' Headquarters, he expected the worst to happen. 

"He didn't tell you?" Jean raised her brows at Kaeya's worried expression when they met soon after. "He resigned a few days ago and left. How is this possible that you don't know?" 

Kaeya smiled and brushed his hair, embarrassed. "We, uh, had an argument. I haven't seen him in a while, if I'm being honest."

"Please, don't tell me all those wounds are from him…"

"What? Of course not! " He laughed, lies coming out of his mouth without hesitation. "It's nothing, a small accident I had in the kitchen, you know me. All I can cook are skewers, and even with that I need help."

"You should stay away from the kitchen fire, for the love of Gods. Or any kind of fire, really." Jean laid a glance on one of his burn marks that magic hadn't healed properly. Kaeya could not agree more with her, but answered with another laugh to hide his wounded soul. 

"Do you know where he went to?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me." They stopped in the middle of the corridor, fear rising in both of them. "I saw him with a bag when he left. Kaeya, what really happened?"

Kaeya's heart fell and broke into pieces, shattered like a glass. Diluc simply left all of them, and was not planning to return. 

✦

"Young Master Kaeya, dinner's ready."

Kaeya looked at the door with a corner of his eye, barely turning towards the voice. 

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry."

"I will leave it for you in the kitchen, please come out to eat when you can."

"Thank you, Adelinde."

He heard a soft sight and then her footsteps slowly fading away at the corridor, leaving him alone in his room. There was nothing she could say to ease his misery and they both knew that. Only the one person who caused his pain could give him any kind of comfort right now, but he was gone for what will be two weeks already. No sign of life, no goodbye letter, and if Diluc said anything to Adelinde about his whereabouts, she was loyal to keep that a secret. Kaeya could not blame her, it must have been as difficult for her as it was for all of them, not only being worried about Young Master Diluc but also having to deal with Kaeya, who was not handling it all too well. At least not in private. 

He sighed deeply, his dark, quiet room echoing his shaky breath as he laid his eye on a Vision before him. Dim, blue glow was the only source of light that reflected on Kaeya's tired figure, and he could see in it small clouds of his breath in the cold of the room. 

"I hate you so much." He whispered into the void, hoping the God inside his Vision could hear him and impose on him his final punishment. He wished for Diluc to kill him that day. He wouldn't have to live in this nightmare right now, of a spy from a godless country that got granted God's greatest gift. A true eye of gods, a spy getting spied on. His new power could have been tremendous for him to use if he had the courage to even try it, but the price of losing Diluc was too much to claim the Vision as his own. The mere thought of his brother made his heart beat faster and his eye stung with tears when he finally broke down, sobbing silently in darkness. 

He never felt so alone. 

Kaeya gasped for air when the pain in his chest got too heavy for him to bear and jolted suddenly at a strange cold under his eye. He raised his hand to touch it and cried in panic at the sensation of ice under his finger tips. Tears, one after another, dripped down his cheek and froze on his skin into a crystal of ice, piling up, higher and higher. The closer it rose to his eye, the more he cried, shaking both in fear and from the cold, and the more ice formed on his face. Kaeya got up in panic, the chair under him falling down on the floor with a crash, his fingers helplessly trailing over the ice. The cold took away his breath, but in that moment he wanted to scream. Frost started to form on his eyelid, on his eyelashes, his sight got blurry from the ice, his eye burned. 

He saw the Vision glowing much more, frost now on the table under it, snow falling suddenly around him, and he yelled, grabbed the freezing orb with his trembling fingers and threw it across the room, screaming with pain and anger. He wished for it to shatter against a wall, he wished for his eye to stop burning from the cold, but nothing like this happened. The pain only got greater the more he cried but he wasn't able to stop, too scared and too wounded to hold himself. 

"Adelinde!" He finally cried for help, curled up against a wall as the ice sealed his eye, shutting him away from the world. 

If Diluc was here, he could melt his ice. If Diluc was here, he wouldn't be alone with the burden of Visions. If Diluc was here, everything would be fine. But Diluc was gone, and so was the warmth within Kaeya. 

It was difficult, at first. 

Kaeya wasn't ready for just how difficult it will be, to forget what has happened and move on with his life. It was somewhat bearable when he was diving deep into his job, losing himself in training and paperwork. His mind calmed down almost as if nothing ever happened, almost as if Diluc and Master Crepus were waiting for him to come home and eat dinner together, like every other night for the past years. But the nightmare hit him then, harder and harder, this awful headache knocking at the back of his eyes every time he placed his foot back in the Winery, to be greeted by the silence and coldness of its walls. No one to smile at his arrival, no one to be happy to see him. Fireplace was now always lacking its warmth because of his new fear of fire, so right now the only source of light in the living room was the slowly dying Sun behind large windows, leaving gentle patterns on the wooden floors. Such a dark and cold place that was once so full of life and laughter, now dead and unwelcoming, just like his own heart. What he once called home was now a prison of his memories, the cold crystal orb on his hip a cruel reminder of Diluc's absence. Unable to come home, unable to cry his heart out for some peace, Kaeya stopped at a peak of the cliff at Starfell Valley. 

Cold breeze of the evening brushed his hair when he watched the Sun slowly hide behind the mountains, the city of Mondstadt bathing in pinks and oranges. He took another step towards the edge and sighed deeply, reaching for the Vision bouncing against his tight. The clasp at the belt let go with a click and he raised the orb to his eye, facing it for the first time in weeks. He could count with fingers of his one hand just how many times he has intentionally used the Cryo since the day it was given to him. Only when it was necessary, only when it was a matter of life and death, always leaving him with a shaky heart as the ice made him remember the walls of fire and red eyes burning with hate. Kaeya grabbed it tighter, knuckles of his hand turning white from the force, and took a swing. He could already imagine, if he was lucky enough, how the Vision flies down the cliff and shatters against the rocks at the bottom, freeing him completely, and if not, how the water takes it and steals it far, far away where it will never reach his eyes. 

Ironically, for how much Gods laughed in his face, he froze in place, regardless of his Vision staying dark. Only one movement of his arm separated him from this misery, yet he couldn't even breathe in that moment, cold Vision still above his head like an executor's ax he couldn't escape. He couldn't do it. It was a curse, a death sentence, but it was also his last memory of Diluc and a proof that Kaeya was no longer in his shadow. Angry tears formed in his eye again but he didn't cry. He laid his eye on the glass once more and hugged it to his temple with a resigned laugh. It was the most painful memento, but also the key to a new beginning he had yet to discover. Giving up was easy, and Kaeya wasn't someone who would run away from a challenge that was now his life. 

Mondstadt still needed him and he was not going to turn his back on his people, just like everyone else turned their backs on him. 

✦

"Master Diluc!"

It was a cold, autumn afternoon, when Adelinde heard a shy knock at the main doors. Expecting a visit rather from Master Kaeya, her face lit up with a smile that quickly turned into a shock, when instead of one shiny eye she was met with a pair of rubies that stared at her from behind a curtain of red locks. 

"Good afternoon, Adelinde. I'm sorry for coming without a notice, I-"

"Oh please, come in, you must be freezing!" She gasped, moving aside, smile back on her face once again. "It's so good to see you, Master Diluc. Thank Barbatos, I thought I would never see you again! Come, sit, I will make some tea. Are you hungry?"

Diluc went inside after her, surprise blooming on his face as he placed his bag on the floor, looking around the Winery. Everything was just as he remembered, the same as on the day he saw it for the last time three years ago. It almost made him feel like he never really left. Almost. 

"No, I'm alright. Thank you. I would like to rest, if you don't mind me staying here."

"It's your house, Master Diluc." She smiled gently, grabbing his hand in hers. "It's still your home, of course you can stay here. I hope you're planning to do so for longer than a day, please stay for dinner tomorrow! It's been so lonely here over the past few years."

"Oh."

So as he expected, Kaeya was no longer living here. Diluc wondered if it was Adelinde kicking him out for all the lies, or maybe it was Kaeya himself who ran away on his own, too ashamed to live under the roof of people he betrayed so heartlessly. Maybe he came back to his own country, to his real family, now planning his war against Mondstadt. Adelinde quickly dispelled his doubts. 

"Master Kaeya moved out a long time ago into the city to be closer to the Knights of Favonius. Wish he was visiting us more often but I understand he must be busy."

Oh. 

"He's… still in Mondstandt?" Diluc failed to hide his surprise. 

"Of course! Why shouldn't he be here?" She laughed, guiding him to the kitchen. "He was waiting for you, all this time. Ah, he will be so happy to see you again!"

That was not what Diluc expected, coming back to this place. All those years he believed Kaeya left as well, came back to his own people and they will never see each other ever again, Diluc was ready to continue to hate him for his betrayal for the rest of his life. Yet there he is, still here. Still waiting, no matter what. That complicated everything. 

"I do not wish to see him."

Adelinde stopped pouring water into the kettle as his words dropped heavily in the air. 

"Do you not wish to, or are you too scared to do so?" She asked carefully, giving him a glance over her shoulder. He was no longer a tiny boy she could scold for his childish decision. She had in front of her a young man, fully aware and responsible for his choices, and it was not the time or place for her to intervene anymore. But the look of guilt in the eyes of the other boy, crying in her arms, was still so vivid in her memory it was hard for her to stay silent. 

But Diluc didn't answer, so she didn't push. 

"I hope for you to change your mind one day." She said instead, softly, moving towards him with his tea. "He's your brother."

"No." Diluc said harshly, his eyes unfocused on his hands around the cup. He wasn't ready for this conversation. "No, he's not."

"You know Diluc is back, do you?"

Kaeya smiled his usual smile, the one that did not reach his eye, and placed his reports on Jean's desk. 

"Yes, I'm aware."

"You seem very calm about that."

"Should I be worried instead?" He laughed, his play of an unbothered individual at its finest that day. "He arrived in Mondstadt almost two weeks ago and, intentionally or not, our paths haven't crossed yet since then. I'm not the one to force things to happen."

"Who are you and what did you do to Kaeya?"

He laughed once more, his eye sparked gently with joy. "Please, Grand Master Jean. I'm always like this. I simply go with the flow of events, they just… happen to go just as I planned. I am a very lucky person."

"Really? Then please tell me what is your plan now? You can't run away from each other like this for the rest of your lives, it's a very small city. Eventual meetings are unavoidable and you know that." Jean got up from her chair to sort out all the documents to their drawers. "Why won't you talk about whatever happened between you?"

"There's nothing for me to say anymore." His guard fell down for a mere second until she faced him again, welcomed by another bright smile. "He won't listen, no matter what I have to say. It's a waste of my precious time."

"You are both idiots."

"Then I hope he's the bigger one."

Jean groaned, defeated, as Kaeya moved with a giggle towards the doors. "You're hopeless."

"If he ever asked about me, which he doubtly will, tell him I'm doing just fine." He bowed gracefully before pushing down the door handle, ready to leave. 

"Are you really?"

His whole body froze. Was his heart even beating? Was he even still here, alive, breathing, at that moment? Was his blood always this cold, or was it just his Vision playing tricks on him again? He turned, uncertain, the pain behind his dead eye now suddenly back, terror painting on his face as he saw the owner of the new voice, big red eyes piercing right through his soul from the other side of the door. 

"Ah, Master Diluc!" Smile quickly back on Kaeya's lips, his slim figure slipped past Diluc on the corridor. "Please, go ahead. My business here is done."

Jean wanted to call after him but hesitated for too long, his blue wing disappeared around the corner and to her ears reached a quick slam of closing the main doors. She then moved her eyes on Diluc, his figure still standing at the doorstep, distress fading away from his face. 

"It's good to see you, Master Diluc." She said, finally, and he gave her a weak nod, slowly entering the room. "What can I do for you?"

Diluc opened his mouth, suddenly at a loss of words. For a moment he really forgot why he came here in the first place. He didn't expect to see Kaeya, he didn't believe he wanted to see him at all, and his reaction just now was clear proof that he was right. The pure fear Kaeya failed to mask quickly enough in front of him and Diluc's shaky voice right after, a deep wound on their souls from that tremendous day, opened again, and wasn't going to heal so easily. 

"Diluc."

He blinked, forced to come back to reality. "Pardon me, Grand Master."

"For the love of Archons, please talk to each other." Jean suddenly left her desk and moved to the entrance only to push Diluc out of her office. "I love you and I missed you but I'm not going to talk to you until you talk to each other first."

"What? You can't do that!" Diluc gasped, turning back, only to be met with closed doors right at his nose.

"I can and I will!" Jean shouted back. "If you're going to act like little kids, then I will too. Come back to me when you grow up."

"I am a grown up!" He pouted, irritated, but Jean did not open the doors nor stayed close to keep the conversation going. 

"I'm not listening to you! Goodbye!"

Diluc wanted to growl back at her but quickly collected himself and cleared his throat, embarrassed. That was pointless, anyway. He was not going to talk to Kaeya, since Kaeya clearly didn't want to talk to him as well, so their conversation would be… incredibly painful, to say the least. Pretending they don't know or see each other was easier. 

In theory. 

At first it was, indeed, easy to forget that Diluc was back in town. Their paths rarely crossed, one busy during the day, the other disappearing with unknown businesses during the night. When they finally met, occasionally, it was as if someone plotted it behind their backs. But instead of a proper conversation, as everyone around them hoped for, they remained silent, or mocked each other, too afraid to say what was truly on their minds. It only got worse when Diluc started his shifts at Angel's Share and Kaeya didn't even try to hide his surprise. 

"Master Diluc behind the bar?" Kaeya smiled at him with a mockery in his voice. "You are aware there's alcohol in this place, are you? How will you survive here?"

Diluc glanced at him with furrowed eyebrows, cleaning the glass he was holding a bit more aggressively. 

"Yes, I'm aware. Unlike you I don't have to empty the whole bottle to realize that."

"Is that jealousy in your voice I hear?" Kaeya sat comfortably in front of him, resting his chin on his gloved hand with a wide grin. "You could've drank more if you practiced."

"That's not what I meant. And that's not how drinking works."

Kaeya only laughed loudly, leaning back in his seat with a visible amusement on his face. "Let me test your skills then, Master Diluc" He announced theatrically, watching as the new bartender placed a glass in front of him to pour some various liquids inside. "As the most generous client of this place I need to know I still can come back here with you behind the bar."

Diluc stayed silent, giving Kaeya only an irritated stare while sliding the finished drink towards him. Light green mix bubbled under Kaeya's judge as he raised the glass and swirled the drink around. 

"You're not going to poison me, are you?" Kaeya asked, stopping the glass mid air with a sly smile. 

Diluc's eyes stayed dark with irritation. "Try me."

Kaeya laughed again and took a sip, raising his eyebrows at the taste of the drink. Light sweetness with refreshing tones of a lemon and bitter aftertaste from the lime zest, not too sweet, not too sour, just the way he liked. The Death in the Afternoon, huh. Kaeya didn't expect Diluc to remember about such an irrelevant thing after all this time. 

"Not bad."

"Will you shut up now?" Diluc growled, turning his attention back to the dusty glasses. Kaeya only smiled, enjoying his drink in silence, ignoring the unexpected warmth that rose in his chest and ache somewhere at the back of his eye. He desperately tried to fool himself that it's just the alcohol, that it means nothing because everyone knew what his favorite drink was. Diluc knew only because he simply remembered, not because he cared about Kaeya's preferences. Yet doubt crossed through Kaeya's mind in that moment, and every other day when Diluc prepared The Death in the Afternoon even without him asking. In return Kaeya once left at the bar a small box wrapped in fabric and disappeared before Diluc could turn around and start asking him questions. Once upon a time in Mondstadt steamed with a welcoming warmth under Diluc's surprised look, his first warm meal after the whole day of work. He snorted under his nose but a small smile showed up on his face regardless. Since then a whole meal showed up for Diluc everytime Kaeya left the tavern early, leaving them both with this comforting, silent exchange. Both of them running away from the conversation that needed to happen eventually, none of them ready, none of them brave enough to take the first step. But this… This was a spark of hope. 

A spark that blew up a fire behind Kaeya's eye. 

✦

"You seem suspiciously quiet lately."

Angel's Share was at its finest that evening, with crowds of people taking all the seats and bottles of wine pouring left and right. With such gloom and cold weather outside, it wasn't surprising that half of the Knights of Favonius decided to shelter here and use the opportunity to have a drink or two. Including Kaeya, of course. 

"The Knights are making enough noise for both of us" He smiled a bit weakly, playing with his glass. "And you look too busy to admire my hilarious jokes so I'm sparing you for tonight."

"Oh how generous of you" Diluc rolled his eyes, but the full glass in Kaeya's hand made his eyebrow rise. Usually at this hour Kaeya would be ordering his fourth glass while mocking everyone around him for their weak heads, meanwhile he looked drunk already without even finishing his first. Diluc didn't comment on that though, immediately distracted by a bunch of knights begging him for another bottle of wine. Kaeya let out a sigh of relief, not having to answer any more of his questions, and hugged the cold glass to his temple. The weird pain at the back of his eye was there again, much worse than before, but he blamed it on the thunder clouds forming above the city rather than the half of the drink he had that day. It felt as if someone tried to stab his already blind eye from the inside of his head, with no way to silence it with alcohol. A slight ache that showed up alongside his Vision grew stronger for so long Kaeya didn't notice until it started to knock at his head every morning. He was a great liar but it was only a matter of time until his body will start betraying him. 

"...ya."

Maybe that was the price of holding himself back. Maybe his mind finally started to destroy itself from the inside, his Vision getting its revenge by freezing his brain first. 

"Kaeya!"

He jolted in his seat, locking his eye with Diluc's ruby ones in front of him. 

"What is wrong with you?" Diluc crossed his arms, carefully watching Kaeya's figure, his fingers turning white from holding his glass too tight. It took him a moment to realize he froze his hand to it, freezing the drink inside. "Leave if you're sick."

"No, it's just-" 

Kaeya wanted to brush it off with a joke but this time his body was faster than his mind. Sharp pain went through his right eye once again and he couldn't hold back a quiet groan, pressing his free hand against the eye patch. Diluc's eyes widened in panic at that sight and he quickly looked around, making sure no one saw that. 

"You should go home."

The pain loosened a bit, giving Kaeya's foggy mind a moment to reply. "Kicking me out already? It's way too early, Master Diluc."

"Stop that. You froze yourself to the bar, what's going on? Is it your eye?"

"Why do you care?" Kaeya snapped quietly, the pain making him more whimsical than he would like to be in that moment. "If I recall, last time you were ready to poke it out of my skull with your sword."

He didn't mean to say it, not out loud. Not here, with so many people around. Not ever. Things finally changed for the better between them and bringing back the past was the last thing both of them wanted, and yet-

"Do you really want to talk about it right now?"

Kaeya expected a fury painted on Diluc's face, but what he saw were eyes so sad and disappointed it almost broke his heart. Before he could reply, Diluc took off his apron and warmed up the frozen glass stuck to the table. 

"Get up."

They ended up outside, leaving the city with heavy clouds above their heads, far away from the ears of strangers. Kaeya played this scenario in his head hundreds of times, had this conversation in his worst nightmares, but it never looked like this, with Diluc so quiet in front of him, leading him away from everything instead of calling him out before everyone Kaeya knew. Maybe it would be easier to lie with an audience, rather than having to explain himself again only to Diluc. But would it even matter? Whatever he said was taken as a lie, and when he finally told the truth, his life collapsed. A truth, a lie, there was no difference. It all always ended with a catastrophe regardless. 

"Do you feel any better?"

That was also something Kaeya didn't expect. Kindness. 

"What is all this about?" He stopped, the heavy air of the storm forming high in the sky poking at his eye. "Are we really having this conversation? Like this? Right now?"

Diluc was silent for a moment that stretched into eons before he slowly turned back to look at Kaeya. 

"It would happen sooner or later. I guess we're both bad at timing" Diluc said, with a faint smile and tone so gentle Kaeya almost lost his breath. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I'm trying to apologize to you."

Kaeya quickly shook his head, the movement making his whole head explode with pain. 

"I should have listened to you that night. Hear you out, instead of running at you with my sword. Every day I think about how it could have ended if your Vision showed up a moment too late. I would have killed you."

"You should have" Kaeya whispered hoarsely, his voice shaking from the pain. Diluc froze in place, stunned. 

"What?"

"You would spare me the nightmare if you have."

Diluc's eyebrows furrowed even more. First drops of the rain hit his coat and to his ears got the weak echo of thunder, when Kaeya took a step closer, waking up his sword with a swift of his hand. 

"Kaeya…"

"I hope this time you won't miss." 

Before Diluc could say anything else, the slim blade of Kaeya's sword shone brightly under the first lightning, cutting the air around him. His Wolf's Gravestone showed up without him even thinking about it, years of practice almost giving his sword it's own will. Sparks rose around them like stars and rain hit their faces so suddenly, almost as if the sky broke above them in a cry. 

"Kaeya, stop that..!"

He could feel Kaeya's freezing breath on his cheek only for a second before he jumped back, staring at his cold eye with fear and confusion. 

"I don't want to fight you."

"How ironic, Master Diluc" Kaeya's voice was dripping with an emotion Diluc couldn't name yet. He changed the grip on his sword, feeling it slowly slipping away in the rain. "Doesn't it remind you of something?"

"Of course it does! Why do you want to relive it again?" Diluc screamed at him through another thunder, feeling the ground under his boots quickly turning into mud. 

"Because this is the only way we can really talk" Kaeya said bitterly and with a snap of his fingers the dirt around him covered in snow, giving his feet more support. "Maybe this time you will listen."

Diluc knew Kaeya got better with his swordsmanship over the years he was gone, but it was terrifying to experience it, to see his sword move so fast and so close to his face over and over again. The blade alone could end him in an instant if he wasn't careful enough, even the last time they fought, and now there was also Kaeya's Vision, something Diluc didn't know and couldn't yet read. What he lacked from having only one eye, Kaeya made up with the frostwind and frozen rain and ice under Diluc's feet, calculating his every move with precision Diluc recognized in himself. Would almost feel proud of him if not for the circumstances. 

"Kaeya, please!"

Bluenette laughed at him and hit him with another burst of frost before rushing at his sword with great force, knocking the air out of Diluc's lungs. 

"I begged you too!" He cried, ice formed on Kaeya's blade when their swords met, his anger freezing even the air around them. "And you left me anyway!" 

"I'm sorry…"

"Shut up! Shut up, I don't want your apologies!" Another desperate swing of his sword hit Diluc's shoulder, blood froze on the blade instantly just like the scream in Diluc's throat. In the next moment another blast of snow sent the Wolf's Gravestone above their heads, a heavy slam of metal disappearing in the stormy chaos of the evening. Diluc gasped for air, knocked down at the wet mix of mud and snow and icicles of rain, the tip of Kaeya's sword blinking at him amongst the stars of rain dropping on their faces. Oh, how it all turned back at him, Diluc thought. He deserved it. 

Kaeya yelled at him with frustration, Diluc quietly cried his name out, but their screams died in the loud thunder, the flash of lightning hid the moment Kaeya's sword fell on Diluc, pierced the ground, killed everything around. 

The sound. 

The rain. 

The storm. 

Everything stopped, and Diluc could hear his own heart pounding so loudly in his chest, and the soft sob of the man above him.

He slowly opened his eyes and breathed in, the cold metal of the sword lightly kissing the side of his neck at the movement. Rain was still smacking his face but he felt something else, something colder, gently dropping on his cheek. 

"I hate…" Kaeya cried in defeat, his tired fingers still clutching over the sword as if his life relied on it, tears dripping from his eyes to Diluc's face once, twice, before turning into icy crystals on his eyelashes. "I hate… how much I still love you." 

Diluc's eyes widened at that but he stayed silent, fearing his voice will only startle Kaeya more and what he wants to tell will never see the light of the day ever again. 

"I don't want your apologies" he whispered, the red of Diluc's hair blurring before his eyes. "I wish it never happened in the first place… If… just everything… could be as it used to. I wish I never said anything…" Kaeya stopped and only cried harder, the ice sealed his eye once again but he couldn't care less. He didn't want to see Diluc's expression now, after what he has done, after what he has said. Blindness sounded like a better option now, but even that was too much to ask. He felt something warm on his cheek, tiny pieces of ice quickly melting under his eyes, and he gasped, lost, feeling a gentle thumb wiping off his tears. 

"I wish I was brave enough to come back to you sooner" Diluc said finally, his eyes full of tears as well. "I'm so sorry."

Kaeya cried loudly once more and let his sword drop to the ground, to free his hands, to hide his face, but Diluc sat and hugged him so tight it hurt but oh, it felt so good, so warm, to be able to cry on his shoulder again. 

It felt like home. 

"Please don't leave me again."

A request so quiet Diluc almost missed it in the rain still pouring around them. 

"I promise. And you promise to choose a better moment next time you tell me something important."

Kaeya snorted into Diluc's coat, tugging his hands in the mess of wet, red locks, the stabbing pain of his head finally easing down from the warmth. 

"I promise."