Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Jung Minyoo,” the lady nurse calls. A little girl around the age of six appears from the playpen. It’s located across from the nurses’ lounge.

“Ara-eonnie!”

Minyoo pushes the gate of the playpen open and steps out of it, socked feet hitting the marbled floor. The hem of her dress got stuck on the hinge which halts her. She looks around and then in front of her. The lady nurse has her back facing Minyoo. It looks like she’s talking to someone on the phone. She tugs at her dress, eyes falling on the plastic gate and the metal screw.

It’s white with pink heart prints. It’s her favorite dress and it’s stuck. She honestly fears that she might be stuck in the place forever. Her little bottom lip starts to tremble.

“Minyoo-ah,” the low deep drawl slices through the six-year-old greatest turmoil in her life. She looks up and smiles widely, the heart-shaped pout had now turned into the biggest grin she could muster. She lets out a cough after grinning and then the man crouches beside her. He offers a handkerchief to the little girl.

“Dr. Min!”

“Why are you still here?” Yoongi asks, fixing Minyoo’s bangs from above her eyebrows. She coughs again, covering her mouth with the blue handkerchief. Yoongi looks at her softly, fingers still swaying the little girl’s black locks. She skipped tying her hair today, Yoongi almost pouted at her a while ago.

“Stuck,” the little girl says. She points below and Yoongi follows the movement with his gaze. Yoongi chuckles lowly. He pushes his glasses on the bridge of his nose before running a hand on his hair. He moves closer and carefully tugs at the hem of Minyoo’s dress. Once she’s free she twists the handkerchief between her small hands and giggles at the doctor. Yoongi grins back, gummy and bright.

“Where’s your—” Yoongi looks around the lounge area of the clinic. It’s already empty and he’s surprised. It’s almost 5 PM and the clinic is closing soon. He’s not surprised that the clinic is already closing, but surprised that Minyoo is still here.

Minyoo’s been his patient for almost 6 months now. There’s nothing daunting in her case, just a chronic cough that can be really alarming for such a young age. She’s been doing countless numbers of laboratory examinations, CT scans, allergy testing, pulmonary function testing—and all other things that shouldn’t be dealt with for someone like Minyoo.

Someone whose frame so small, body so fragile. It breaks Yoongi’s heart every time Minyoo drops by, and what makes his heart shattered, even more, is that no parent is present in accompanying her in the clinic. Minyoo’s only companion, for as long as everyone in the clinic could remember, is an old lady whom Minyoo calls as imo. She had mentioned that she’s Minyoo’s guardian. Minyoo and her auntie seemed close for Yoongi to actually comment on it. But said guardian isn’t around and it makes Yoongi worry a bit.

“Where’s imo?” Yoongi asks, pulling at the handkerchief. He lifts the corner and rubs off the smudge off Minyoo’s left cheek. The little girl giggles, eyes crinkling shut. Her lips almost look like a heart, the hairpin-like curl of her upper lip makes Yoongi smile. She’s really, really beautiful—golden skin, black wavy hair, and wide doe eyes.

“Don’t know,” Minyoo replies, letting go of the handkerchief and running her palms on her dress. “Emergency?”

Yoongi quirks his head to the side and smiles when Minyoo tiptoes to fix his glasses. Minyoo’s always been such a social butterfly; mingling with other people – both to children around her age and adults – is such an easy thing for her. It’s so natural, fluid and Yoongi thinks that Minyoo’s surrounded by very encouraging and sociable parents.

“Dr. Min,” the lady nurse from a while ago finally approaches them. Yoongi stands up and faces her.

He felt a tug on his white long coat. When he looks at his side, he sees Minyoo tugging at it. He can’t help but ruffle the little girl’s hair softly. Minyoo lets out a yelp and holds his massive hand with both of her tiny ones on her head.

“Where’s her guardian?” the doctor asks. Minyoo presses herself closer against Yoongi’s leg. She then makes a wide yawn, her fingers loosening from the tight hold.

“Her aunt said that she needed to leave. There was an emergency,” the nurse replies, brows furrowed. “But someone will pick her up.”

“Just because they’ve been going here for almost half a year, they can just leave little Minyoo,” Yoongi quietly replies. He eyes the little girl who now begins sucking at her thumb. Yoongi is quick to pull a wet wipe from one of his pockets. He reaches for Minyoo’s hands and wipes them clean. The little girl waves her hands and then stares up at Yoongi. She lets out another wide yawn and lifts her arms.

Yoongi is taken aback and he would be lying if he’d say that he didn’t want to carry the little girl. So he bends a little and lifts the little girl under her armpits. She’s so light, doesn’t weigh like a normal six-year-old and Yoongi knows it’s the ongoing laboratory, clinical visits, and with how weakly Minyoo’s body is, to begin with.

She instantly melts on his hold. Yoongi feels the same.

“Is Minyoo sleepy?”

Minyoo nods, the crown of her head bumping the doctor’s chin. He runs a hand on her back, pulling the dress down. The little girl tucks her face on his neck and lets out another yawn.

“She can sleep in the—” the lady nurse begins, moving slightly to point at the nurse lounge but Yoongi shakes his head.

“She can stay at my office, the bed’s comfortable there.”

The nurse only nods mutely and Yoongi starts heading to his room. Minyoo’s eyes are already closed once they reached the small bed at the corner of his office. Like the other doctor’s clinic, it has a small bed for kids that needs body check-up, a desk, two tables for the guardian, Yoongi’s swivel chair and a basket with toys that will serve as a distraction for the kids.

It’s been his dream job, to be a pediatrician, and he can’t help but feel sad whenever he recalls the person who had pushed him on pursuing his passion. He shakes his head, feeling the same sadness that seeps into him for more than 7 years. He shouldn’t be thinking about him, of all people. Not now, not ever.

Trying to remove the unwarranted thought, he carefully pulls out a small pillow and yellow blanket from under the bed. Once he’d laid the pillow, he gingerly places Minyoo on the bed and covers her with the blanket.

She looks so tiny but so energetic despite her fragile body. Yoongi thinks that she’s the strongest patient he’s ever had. That may be too early to tell since he’s only been practicing his career for only 4 years but it’s enough to say that Jung Minyoo’s his strongest little angel.

He pulls the blinds shut so she wouldn’t be disturbed as he heads back to his desk and starts reading research materials he’d use for a conference he’s going to be a speaker at in Busan. Their clinic isn’t that much but Min Yoongi’s known for being an expert in his specialization despite the length of service. So once in a while, hospitals invite him over so he can share his knowledge.

Yoongi didn’t realize how long he’s been hunched over his desk, eyes strained on his screen until someone knocks on his door. He glances back to the corner where Minyoo’s supposed to be asleep only to find her peeking from the crack between the blinds and the metal post. She giggles and pushes the plastic blinds open.

“How did you sleep?” Yoongi asks, rolling his chair towards the bed. The little girl smiles and makes a grabby hands motion for him. Yoongi’s not even surprised at the antic—Minyoo’s always been so expressive with her feelings and he’s adored that the kid’s comfortable with him.

He gets up from his chair and carries Minyoo off the bed. She is still clutching at the yellow blanket and as soon as she’s in Yoongi’s embrace she lays her head on his shoulder.

“Sleep good Dr. Min,” Minyoo mumbles against his neck, small puffs of air warm against his skin. “But I am hungry.”

Yoongi rubs her back and tightens his hold. He glances at his watch. They’ve been waiting for her guardian for more than two hours. Yoongi wants to have a talk with Minyoo’s guardian and would likely ask about his parents because a kid staying out this late isn’t good for her health. It’s only 7 PM, yes, but still not safe for someone who has comorbidity.

There’s another knock on his door. Yoongi walks forward to open it but even before he could take a hold of the knob, the door’s being pulled open and Yoongi feels himself freezing.

How long has it been?

4? 6-7 years? How long has Yoongi been torn between endearment and horror?

“Papa!” Yoongi feels his limbs turning into noodles but he regains his stance. Jung Minyoo, he thinks. She’s a Jung! Of course! What are the odds?

The man, Jung Hoseok, looks as troubled as Yoongi is and Yoongi—he tries his best to look passive, but he can feel his eyes getting teary. So he inhales deeply and blinks his eyes rapidly to stop the tears threatening to fall. A squirming Minyoo in his arms is a big help to break Hoseok’s wide gaze at him.

“Carry,” Minyoo says, voice giggly. She’s reaching for her father, short arms outstretched and hands in a grabby-motion. “Miss you!”

Hoseok looks at his daughter and smiles softly. Yoongi stays rooted to the ground. He knows that the smile isn’t directed at him but it still has the same effect that Yoongi used to treasure.

The lady nurse stands outside the office, Yoongi’s eyes automatically falling on her.

“Minyoo’s father came to pick her up,” she explains. “It’s his first time here.”

Yoongi sees Hoseok’s posture turns into something that he thinks is apologetic. His eyes land back on the father and the doctor only then realizes how he’s dressed to the nines. He looks important. Yoongi thinks he’s important, thinks he’s doing something important than to actually attend his daughter’s appointments and laboratories. He isn’t the one to assume things, but Yoongi knows Hoseok has a habit of just overdoing things.

He’s a living testament that once Hoseok’s set on something, nothing can distract him. He knows so—Hoseok left him because Hoseok’s set on creating an empire, forgetting Yoongi completely. And Yoongi has long engraved in his mind that he’s meant to be left—Hoseok did the right thing.  

Here come those unwarranted thoughts again. Yoongi shakes them away and moves closer to Hoseok’s open arms. Minyoo giggles again and wraps her short arms around her father’s neck. The yellow blanket’s between their chests, Minyoo already growing attached to the material. Minyoo turns to face the doctor to say something but she lets out a series of coughs.

By instinct, Yoongi pulls out his handkerchief and presses it to her mouth. It’s only when Hoseok’s rubbing small circles on Minyoo’s back that Yoongi’s registered that he’s in Hoseok’s personal space. This didn’t faze him, however, and instead, he spoke professionally to Hoseok.

“She needs to go home,” he tells him with a stern tone. “It’s already too cold for her. Did you bring her a jacket or a sweater?”

Hoseok’s face falls and Yoongi knows that Hoseok has none. He shouldn’t be surprised, Hoseok’s a tad forgetful when it comes to these things. Between the two of them, Yoongi’s always the one who’s made sure to pack everything with him.

The doctor internally sighs and sidesteps to open a closet door. He pulls out his long coat and offers it to Hoseok. Hoseok looks stunned but he only stays silent and reaches for the coat. The second time their skins touch, Yoongi feels himself getting electrocuted again. He’d tried his best not to react and just nods dumbly.

“Bundle her,” the doctor says. “She needs to rest.”

“Dr. Min, see you next week?” Minyoo says, both hands filled with Yoongi’s belongings—a handkerchief on her right hand and the yellow blanket on her left hand. He smiles at Minyoo while watching Hoseok wrap his daughter with the big coat, including her tiny head. She peeks at the collar of the coat, black bangs peeking as she giggles.

“I am wearing big clothes,” she says, completely unaware of the tension between the adults in the room.

“I’ll see you next week,” Yoongi tells her. The lady nurse opens the door wider and Yoongi bows at Hoseok. Nothing else followed, but a small wave towards Minyoo. He watches in silence as Hoseok turns his back, eyes distant but screams a thousand questions. Yoongi doesn’t have the energy—knows he couldn’t bring himself to answer any of it.

So he just peeks outside his office and waves a final time to Minyoo. Her chin’s perched on the top of Hoseok’s left shoulder, laughing and flapping his handkerchief at him.

---

First, you think the worst is the broken heart

Hoseok pulls the last article of clothing from their—no—

Hoseok pulls the last article of clothing from Yoongi’s closest. He hastily puts it in his duffle bag and zips it just as hard.

“Don’t go, Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi begs. He reaches for the free strap of Hoseok’s bag and pulls it in him. “Let’s talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Yoongi.”

He reaches for Yoongi’s hands and pries them off. “Let’s fix this—tell hyung what to do, tell me what to do.”

The younger sighs and shakes his head. It’s been so long that he’s already tired. He’s bone-deep exhausted; he can feel his soul diminishing, there’s no way they can fix this. He’s tried a lot of times. They can’t fix this.

This is something so impossible to fix—they don’t have time for each other, Hoseok couldn’t wait any longer. He’d been supportive of Yoongi, who wanted to be a doctor. He told Yoongi that he’ll do everything he can to help him but everything’s becoming too much. He doesn’t want to put the blame on Yoongi. It’s not his fault that no entertainment agency would want him.

He’s all rough and sharp edges, he needs a lot of practice. He’s been practicing ever since high school, ever since Yoongi met him—he’s been doing everything to hone his skills. Yoongi told him he’ll support him as much as Hoseok had been supporting the elder but he couldn’t take this anymore.

“You’ve been telling me you’ll be there to support me, but you lied.”

It’s a small fight, sure, but it’s a fight that’s been happening over and over again. It cycles that seems to have no end. He understands that Yoongi’s on his residency, he has to be in the hospital almost his entire time but Hoseok’s just asking a little of his time. He’s just asking a bit of his attention. He’s not asking too much.

Why can’t Yoongi give him that?

He sees Yoongi curling into himself, shoulders folding. He watches the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Had it been the day before, had it been anything before, he’d lean into Yoongi and wipe the tears away. But he’s lost all of that, now he can no longer do that.

He wouldn’t do that.

Now, he doesn’t care. He’s not going to care anymore if Yoongi wouldn’t care for him, too.

“You’re supposed to be there for me,” the younger tells Yoongi as he slips on his shoes. “You’re supposed to be with me.”

“I am with you,” Yoongi cries. He stomps his foot on the floor, frustrated on that single trudge. “Am I not with you? I live with you, for years I’ve been supporting you.”

Hoseok only sighs. He hikes the longer strap of the duffle bag around his chest and reaches for the door. Yoongi runs after him, fingers fumbling at the back of his shirt. He bites the insides of his cheeks, feeling just as bad but he knows this is the best thing to do.

Yoongi wasn’t there for him. He’d been understanding, had been forgiving but this is the last straw. He can no longer spend a life with someone who won’t keep their word.

“You weren’t with me, around me,” the younger says coldly. “You thought you were there for me, but you’re wrong Yoongi. You weren’t there.”

“What else do I need to prove to you,” Yoongi says, clutching his shirt tighter. “Tell hyung what to do, please. Tell me how can I fix this.”

Hoseok turns around – for the last time – and looks at Yoongi with tears in his eyes. If they were crying for a different reason, the younger would lean and press a kiss on Yoongi’s forehead. If they were crying for a different reason, the younger would tease Yoongi for looking so pink. He loves how Yoongi would get pink in the skin easily. But not now, never again. He twists the doorknob and swings the door open.

“What do I do? Hoseok—”

Hoseok stands outside the apartment, with a heavy heart. The last sound that echoes in his ears is Yoongi’s muffled cry and the sound of the door closing.

He tightens the hold on his bag, squares his shoulders, and starts walking. He’s going to choose himself this time.

---

Yoongi wasn’t surprised when the next time Minyoo’s set to have her appointment, it was Hoseok who brought her in.

She’s quickly ushered to the room where she’s going to do the pulmonary function testing. It’s the last laboratory examination and hopefully the last that she’s going to come across with. The latest results were all nothing but inclined towards her improvement. Yoongi’s just finished his second to the last consultation with a little boy when the door swings open and Hoseok appears.

A nurse guides Hoseok inside and Yoongi tries his best to contain his expressions. Just like the last time, Hoseok’s wearing a three-piece suit with a black tie. Yoongi can’t help but wonder if Hoseok has canceled going to his job because today will be the day they’ll learn about Minyoo’s state or because it’s the only time Hoseok can see him.

Yoongi brushes off the wishful thinking.

Hoseok takes a step inside the room and Yoongi politely offers the seat to his left. Hoseok nods silently as the doctor busies himself on checking Minyoo’s lab results on his screen. There’s nothing much to look at because he’d checked on the results this morning but it’s better than starting a small talk with his ex.

“You’re a doctor now, Yoongi-ssi,” Hoseok’s voice sliced through the stillness of the room. It’s sudden, piercing, and painful, Yoongi can’t stop himself from internally wincing. The doctor pushes the glasses on the bridge of his nose and clears his throat. He leans back on the backrest of his chair and looks at Hoseok.

“That I have,” the elder replies. He gives a small curl at the corners of his lips and relaxes when a knock interrupts them. The door opens again and Minyoo appears, hand latched on a nurse. She’s wearing a pink tutu and Yoongi notices that she’s now wearing a thick fleece coat. She steps inside and the nurse closes the door. Hoseok is already beaming at her but she’s looking straight into Yoongi.

Her black hair is loose and just like they’ve been doing for the past six months, Minyoo trudges not to her father but to Yoongi’s space. Yoongi can hear the gears stirring in Hoseok’s head but he focuses on the first important task at hand.

The doctor helps Minyoo settle on his lap. She faces her father and giggles at the shocked face of Hoseok. Minyoo pulls a drawer open and reaches for something inside it. She pulls out a purple brush and Yoongi is quick to pull a pink silk scrunchie.

“Pink? Just like my dress, Dr. Min,” Minyoo tells them happily. She hands the brush to Yoongi and Yoongi nods, wide gummy smile as he starts brushing her hair. He can feel Hoseok’s heavy gaze on him. It’s always been their thing together now, Minyoo and him, and he rather pleases Minyoo than tackle over-familiarity with the parent. Had Hoseok been attentive, he’d learned this by now.

“You two seem close,” Hoseok comments. Yoongi side-eyes at him, see him rubbing the tip of his nose. The elder thinks he’s feeling uncomfortable, and he understands. His daughter’s sitting on his lap like Yoongi’s family.

“Very close, Papa,” Minyoo replies with a smile, legs swaying against Yoongi’s legs. She giggles when Yoongi pokes her elbow. She swats at Yoongi’s finger and Yoongi chuckles and then the small hand lands in the air. Minyoo coughs and Yoongi stops brushing her hair. She continues to cough, small hands covering her mouth. But she’s still young to control his muscles, spit might escape the fingers. He’s about to let go of Minyoo’s locks when Hoseok crouches beside them, already holding a tissue paper.

Yoongi watches as Hoseok holds Minyoo’s tiny wrist and wipes the spit. He then wipes the drool at the corner of Minyoo’s lips and hands a new tissue paper at her.

“Cover your mouth when you cough, Minnie,” her father reminds her. Minyoo nods, but her movement’s controlled by Yoongi’s hold on her hair. He sees Hoseok glancing at him, eyes wary and careful. He gulps when in a split second Hoseok smile at him, heart-shaped curl of the lips and Yoongi tries his best to control the tears threatening to fall. Hoseok shouldn’t be smiling like that at him, not now, not ever.

“Sorry, Papa,” Minyoo mumbles against the tissue. Hoseok only grins and ruffles her hair that earning a gasp from both Minyoo and especially Yoongi.

Hoseok’s hand freezes, eyes back to Yoongi and Yoongi glares at him. He knows he shouldn’t—knows terribly well that this shouldn’t happen but he continues to glare at the younger, offended at ruining the once neat black locks.

“Say sorry, Papa! Dr. Min always makes me look pretty,” the little girl whines. She’s fuzzing on his lap and Yoongi wraps an arm around her waist to keep her from falling. Hoseok tucks his hand in the pockets of his pants and smiles sheepishly at the doctor.

“Sorry, sorry,” the father admits, taking a step back. He goes back to his seat and laughs when Yoongi wouldn’t stop glaring at him.

The high-pitched and warm laughter fills the room, fills his senses, fills Yoongi’s heart. He can feel his heart beating erratically in his chest, a loud ba-thump-thump against his ribcage. It’s warming him and making his blood boil, his ears cold—it’s making him think of the things he knows he shouldn’t be thinking, shouldn’t be feeling but he wouldn’t deny that he’s missed hearing Hoseok’s laughter.

He stares at Hoseok who’s also staring back at him. He’s finally stopped laughing and his eyes are soft now. It’s making every fibre of Yoongi’s being shudder in want, in wonder and it’s bad. It’s really, really bad, because the thing is, he still loves him after all this time.

“Will I no longer see you?”

Yoongi twists the monitor screen and looks at Minyoo. He sees the serious furrow on her brows, the small lips in a hard pout. She looks exactly like her father when Hoseok’s deep in thought or when he’s deciding whether to put mayonnaise or mustard on his fish cake. Yoongi blinks at another indefensible thought. These thoughts are not doing any good in Yoongi’s heart.

“Why would you want to see me? Don’t you get tired of me already?” The doctor asks with a smile, cat-like eyes crinkling at the side. Minyoo continues to pout and shakes her head.

“Does it mean it’s nothing serious?” Hoseok interrupts, a worried look on his face. Yoongi thinks he’s been trying his best at the father role. He shifts his gaze and looks at Hoseok.

“It’s only a cough variant asthma,” the doctor explains. “She still needs to be careful with food intake, especially with the weather. It’s also advisable that her environment’s always clean, strong scents and bags of dust will trigger her asthma.”

Hoseok nods along, a hand rubbing small circles at his daughter’s back. Yoongi opens his mouth to continue speaking but the sound of phone ringing interrupts them. Hoseok remains still in his seat, unaffected, but reaches for his phone from the pocket of his suit. The elder watches as Hoseok glances at the screen. He looks troubled if the sudden bite on the lower lip is any indication. Yoongi remains silent.

“Sorry, I have to take this call,” Hoseok says, looking at Yoongi, as if asking for permission. Yoongi nods quietly, waving at the door and Hoseok looks at him apologetically before getting up and leaving the room. Once the door is closed, Yoongi hears a loud sigh from Minyoo. It sounds so deep, heavy and Yoongi would’ve thought Minyoo’s only being dramatic but her sullen face says otherwise.

“What’s wrong, Minyoo?”

Minyoo wiggles off the seat beside Hoseok’s chair and runs toward Yoongi’s. She sinks into his stomach and rubs her face on his shirt.

“Papa’s always busy,” the little girl whines. She looks at Yoongi, digging her chin on Yoongi’s tummy. Her doe eyes shining yet speaks loneliness at the doctor, pout still on her lips. “Papa’s always working.”

“Where’s Minyoo’s mama?”

Minyoo only shakes her head and pouts harder. Yoongi bops at the small button nose to distract her. “Mama left a long, long, long time ago Dr. Min.” Yoongi nods, feeling sad at the thought of Minyoo alone at her home. He doesn’t want to pry some more but he can’t stop thinking—

What happened to Hoseok?

Once Hoseok returned back, Yoongi explained the remaining details about Minyoo’s health. Hoseok looked like he’s in a rush and Yoongi told him that he’ll be given the prescriptions and things to remember. Yoongi eyed Minyoo carefully and when they left the last thing Yoongi saw was Hoseok’s back.

It’s just like how he left him, but this time, Hoseok glances back. For a split second, Yoongi’s breath is caught in his throat. The rapid beating of his heart tells him to follow the pair but his legs feel like lead and he knows Hoseok won’t like it.

---

What’s gonna kill you is the second part

Hoseok slumps on his chair with a loud groan. Being a dancer, rapper, and CEO of his own small entertainment company is tiring. He still has a lot to attend to, still has a lot to work on and the small photo of ultrasound on his table isn’t doing any help to get any work done.

Jimin enters his office, his first talent and his only friend left. When Hoseok broke it with Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon, especially Namjoon, made sure to be protective of Yoongi. He felt bad, losing the couple as his friend, but he didn’t contest it. Yoongi needed them more. Hoseok deserves to be kicked out like that.

He’s carrying a bag of takeaways and Hoseok looks up at him, tears already rolling down his cheeks.

“Did I do the right thing?”

Should I have been understanding enough? Should I have been more loving? More patient? He wants to ask the younger but Jimin has long mentioned that he isn’t in the right position to voice his opinion. Yoongi is also his friend, too. They may not be actively meeting as they used to in college but when Hoseok had no one, Jimin offered help. He helped so Hoseok can pursue his dream, he stayed because Jimin knows Hoseok needs a support system of his own, too. But Jimin likes to make no comment about how Hoseok decided to call it quits.

The younger is silent, busy laying the food trays on the coffee table. He looks at Hoseok with furrowed eyebrows and Hoseok almost feared how empty they’d flash before him. Jimin knows what he did with Yoongi is wrong. It’s been a year, he distanced himself, never asked about Yoongi, and yet here he is—staring at the small photo of his child. He can’t stop apologizing in his head, all of it for Yoongi.

“Are you asking about Yoongi-hyung or are you asking about banging some girl after you left Yoongi-hyung?”

Hoseok leans on the backrest and looks out the window. It’s almost Christmas, a season to be jolly but Hoseok had long removed that word in his vocabulary the moment he stepped out of Yoongi’s life. He looks down the glass window, Christmas decorations littered around the streets. The thought of Yoongi complaining of being too cold at this time of the year is enough to make him cry harder. It’s almost tragic how the moment he stepped out of their once home, Yoongi hasn’t left his thoughts.

Jimin is standing beside him now and Hoseok’s really thankful that he still has someone who can anchor him down. He’s always considered himself smart, but with Yoongi gone, he’s nothing but a brainless spec. And it’s not Yoongi’s fault. He lost Yoongi because he chose to let go.

“How long have you been together?” Jimin asks, wrapping the elder and pulling him for a hug.

Hoseok glances at the ultrasound on his desk and then cries even more.

“Not long enough, Jimin-ah,” Hoseok weeps and he knows, it’s his fault.

---

Yoongi bumps his elbow in surprise when his phone rings one afternoon. He’s preparing his PowerPoint presentation for a conference this coming weekend. He absentmindedly reaches for it, thinking that it could either be Jungkook who’s still a resident at the hospital he’s also attended, or Namjoon who’s going to remind him to pack enough for the conference trip.

When he places his phone against his ear, it’s neither and he wishes that he didn’t answer the call.

“Yoongi-ssi?”

“Hoseok-ssi?”

The doctor holds his breath and tries his best to calm himself down. Before he can ask what’s wrong, he hears a small whine in the background. Hoseok seems to be far away from the phone too because Yoongi can’t hear clearly understand what he’s saying.

There’s a sound of a chair being dragged and then another whine, but this time it sounds like a cry. He doesn’t know what to make out of it so he saves the file on his laptop and shuts it down. He collects the folders splayed on his desk and hurriedly slides all of them in his bag.

There’s another cry and Hoseok’s incessant shhss, it’s okay that only made Yoongi worry.  The crying stops for a while and then he hears another muffled complaint.

“Sorry,” he hears Hoseok says. There’s a sound of something falling on the floor followed by a cry. This time, the crying doesn’t stop.

“Where are you?” He can’t help but ask, already away from his table.

The elder continues to listen, his free arm mechanically reaching for his keys, his files, and his coat. As soon as the call ends, Yoongi’s already in his car. With every turn on the road, every step on the gas, every hit on the brake, Yoongi can’t stop thinking if he’s actually doing the right thing. The second-guessing doesn’t end even though he's reached his destination, parked his car, and is already inside the elevator.

Why is he here?

Why did he come?

What’s going on?

Why did Hoseok call him?

Isn’t there anyone who can help him?

There doesn’t seem to be a right answer to all the questions that don’t seem to stop from appearing. Yoongi clutches at his bag tightly, tension enveloping. The questions keep playing on his head nonstop, but when the steel doors open, he finds his answer.

“Dr. Min!” Minyoo wails, wiggling in her father’s arms. Hoseok smiles brokenly at him but he doesn’t react to it; he’s more focused on Minyoo’s scrunched-up face and pink nose. The moment he steps out of the elevator and he sees Minyoo, nothing else matters.

Hoseok meets him halfway, still dressed perfectly. Yoongi thinks Hoseok belongs in a place like this. He looks perfect like this. He thinks having to part ways with him was the best decision but fate is hilariously cruel bringing them back together.

He hikes his bag higher and fixes the glasses on the bridge of his nose. Instantly, he opens his arms and Minyoo reaches back. The little girl sinks into his arms and leans her head against his shoulder, tiny arms around his neck.

“Miss you,” Minyoo mumbles, a thumb making its way to her mouth. Yoongi hikes both the bag and Minyoo higher. Hoseok must’ve noticed the discomfort so he reaches for the strap and pulls it from him. Yoongi flashes him a small grateful smile, letting the younger take his bag. Minyoo continues with the thumb sucking which made Yoongi snicker playfully at her. He pulls out his handkerchief from his back pocket and tugs at the girl’s wrist.

“What did I say about this, hmm? Minyoo?”

Minyoo removes her thumb and sniffles at Yoongi.

“Not to do it.” She offers her thumb to Yoongi and the doctor wipes the spit off her finger. She blinks the tears with her lashes and sinks her face against Yoongi’s neck.

“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok says. Yoongi looks at him and it’s only now he gets to really look at him. He looks worse. He looks so tired from the last time they saw each other. The suit is making a good distraction on his appearance but Yoongi knows him too well. There’s something bugging him and it’s something that he needs to release. Yoongi would offer help, but he knows he shouldn’t. This entire situation is—

“It’s a mess,” Minyoo says. Yoongi blinks at her and then finally, Hoseok laughs. It’s the same laughter Yoongi had engraved in his mind, the tickling, giddy and contagious laughter that Yoongi’s missed for so long. He shouldn’t be thinking about it. So he focuses on Minyoo instead.

“You both look like a mess,” Yoongi comments. Minyoo pats his chest and Hoseok lets out a loud sigh.

“I hope we’re not disturbing or ruined your plans,” Hoseok says, unbuttoning his jacket.

“I hope I am not disturbing you,” Yoongi replies, eyes scanning around the empty office floor. There are a few employees on their desks, but they’re hunched on their desks to pay any attention to their boss and Yoongi.

Hoseok shakes his head, a smile on his lips.

“She’s been crying so much and wouldn’t eat.”

Yoongi mirrors the smile.

Why is it always so easy? It’s been years yet it’s still easy to be around him.

“Why wouldn't little Minyoo eat, hmm? You’re giving your papa a hard time, I see,” he pokes at Minyoo’s nearest knee and the girl only hits at his chest again.

“Miss you,” Minyoo replies, tucking her face harder. “Papa won’t play with me, too. But now you’re here.”

“I am so sorry,” Hoseok says, running a hand on his hair. He lets out another sigh and Yoongi, ever so patient only smiles back at him. Hoseok tilts his head towards a massive door that leads to his office. Yoongi nods and together, they head inside.

It’s a seemingly generic office, large and spacious. There’s a coffee table and couch at the middle of the room. There are bags of takeout on the rag, some toys, and crayons. He spots a few plushies and blankets on one of the couches. On Hoseok’s desk, the state isn’t different. Manila folders, CDs of what he thinks could be demos and thick binds of papers filled the table.

“Did you camp here?” Yoongi asks with furrowed brows. Hoseok chuckles at the comment and only nods. He reaches for his coffee mug and takes a sip of his already cold coffee.

“We, uh,” Hoseok laughs warily as he points at the empty couch. Yoongi sits down and settles Minyoo on his lap. The little girl leans against his chest and pouts at Hoseok. “We had a little change of schedules and Minyoo has to stay with me.”

“Papa’s going to a meeting, I have no one,” Minyoo whines, short chubby legs wagging against Yoongi’s thighs. Hoseok’s face falls and he kneels beside his daughter. Yoongi wants to point out that he’ll ruin his dress pants but keeps it to himself.

“I’m so sorry,” the younger tells her, and Yoongi can’t help but feel something more about the simple apology. It feels like it’s an apology directed at him or a long overdue for his daughter. Hoseok looks so forlorn, devasted but the pout heart-like curl of his upper lip makes him beautiful. He’s still beautiful in Yoongi’s eyes.

He’s always been beautiful in Yoongi’s eyes.

“It’s usually her guardian who watches over her,” Hoseok explains, a hand on Minyoo’s knee. He squeezes it lightly and pats at it lovingly. “But she’s on a vacation and I couldn’t find a sitter. Jimin spends time with her but he’s—”

“I’m here,” Yoongi interrupts almost bravely. He stares straight into his eyes and Hoseok looks back at him. Yoongi sees the worry slowly disappearing from his eyes. A smile, albeit small, is softer and brighter and Yoongi relaxes.

“I’m serious,” Yoongi assures him. “I’m here now and I’m going to make sure little Minyoo eat her—” Yoongi eyes the food packages and looks at Hoseok.

“We’re having breakfast?” The guilt on his face is evident and Yoongi can’t help but cackle out a laugh. He hugs Minyoo tightly and scrunches his face at the younger man.

“It’s past 2 PM,” Yoongi scolds. “What did you feed her this morning?”

“Banana milk,” Minyoo supplies, toying at the button of Yoongi’s shirt. “I don’t like red kimchi. White kimchi only. And Dr. Min says no to garlic, but papa has garlic. Lots of them!”

Yoongi continues to scrunch his face at Hoseok. Hoseok only bites his lower lip and looks truly apologetic. He presses himself closer to them, sitting fully on the floor and perching his chin on Yoongi’s knee.

Yoongi flinches for a quarter of a second. Hoseok’s pouting at Minyoo. He knows it’s directed at his daughter but Yoongi—he can’t help but admire at the strong nose, at his chiseled jaws, and at the sharp rise of his cheeks. Hoseok is tickling Minyoo’s tummy, fingers wiggling playfully. Minyoo laughs, legs flapping against Yoongi’s thigh, making them move and sink into the couch deeper.

“Papa stop,” Minyoo gasps, hiding her face on Yoongi’s chest. “Go away, Yoonie and I will play now.”

Yoongi smiles, a hand automatically rubbing Minyoo’s back. He glares at Hoseok playfully which only earned him another pout.

Why is it always so easy being with him?

---

And the third is when your world splits down the middle

“Minyoo,” Hoseok whispers into the cold night.

Minyoo’s finally fallen asleep. It’s been a long day, he thought she wouldn’t stop crying.

Her mother just left them and Hoseok should feel bad but at the same time, he isn’t. He’s thankful but now he can’t stop but doubt himself.

His company’s getting better. It’s only been three years but they’re making a name in the industry. It should be better.

Minyoo moves slightly, small hands clutching his finger. He kisses her exposed foot and smiles brokenly to himself.

He should feel sad now that he’s going to take care of 1-year-old Minyoo alone. That should be the case, the reason for his tears but it’s not.

Memories of Yoongi’s sleeping face keep on appearing before him and that alone is enough to ruin his already shattered heart even more.

---

The moment Yoongi steps out of his house, he’s introduced at the sight of Minyoo and her father and cold air. Hoseok’s wearing casual clothes—a big black hoodie, jeans with obnoxious smiley faces, and white sneakers. The elder scans him from head to toe and internally smiles at how gaudy his clothes are. They’re not entirely designer but they’re loud and lively just like how he remembered it. Beside him is little Minyoo who’s bouncing on the balls of her feet. She’s bundled in a thick lilac coat and a matching white beanie with her father.

“You look excited,” Yoongi tells Minyoo. He’s pulling his suitcase as he speaks and he’s surprised that Hoseok reaches for the handle of his bag. The last time Hoseok did this was two days ago when Yoongi went to his office. He still can’t help but smile at the thought, at how concerned Hoseok is to him. He can’t help but wonder a lot of things since he’s seen Hoseok again.

“I really hope you’re sure with this,” Hoseok says. He’s smiling truthfully, with no traces of doubt or worry. He looks like he needs extra time of sleep but Hoseok’s always been an early riser no matter how late he’d slept.

Yoongi looks at him and just like how they were years ago, he’s almost certain. He looks like the Hoseok he once loved. Right now, he looks like the Hoseok he still loves.

“It’s nice to have you around,” Yoongi replies with a small curt of a nod. “It looks like you need a vacation, too.”

Hoseok chuckles, agreeing. Minyoo is walking between them, humming a faint tune with every step.

“You did great, Hoseok-ah,” the elder says and Hoseok looks at him with wide eyes. Yoongi later realized at the endearing nickname he’d just used. He blinks at Hoseok and notices how Hoseok’s cheeks turned pink. It’s still dark but he can clearly see it.

“I meant, keeping her warm.” Yoongi looks away and clears his throat.

“No to cough,” Minyoo pipes up and Yoongi affirms. “Carry me please, Yoonie?”

The nickname had stuck to her ever since she called him last time. Yoongi didn’t correct her. It’s not that he didn’t want to ruin her mood but he feels comfortable hearing little Minyoo mumbling his nickname. Dr. Min sounds too robotic for him anyway.

Hoseok opens the back door of his car and heads at the back to place his suitcase alongside theirs. Yoongi automatically places Minyoo on the child seat behind the driver’s seat. He had to go inside the car so he can secure her seatbelt. She giggled when Yoongi bops her small nose.

“Who’s this?”

Yoongi reaches for a white teddy bear and gives it to Minyoo.

“Momo! Uncle Jimin gave me this. Birthday gift!”

The doctor nods and checks the seatbelt again before turning his body to step out of the car. He stops midway when Hoseok stands outside and is about to close the door.

“Oh,” Yoongi blinks.

Hoseok blinks back at him and opens the door wider. He steps back to give Yoongi space.

“I thought you’d want to seat beside her,” Hoseok laughs consciously. Yoongi only smiles at him, small but comforting.

“I’ll take the passenger’s seat,” the elder tells him and Hoseok grins before rounding the car to get inside. When they’re both buckled up, Hoseok looks at the rear mirror and smiles at Minyoo’s whose eyes are trained at Yoongi.

“What’s wrong baby?”

Minyoo giggles, teddy bear pressed on her chest.

“Yoonie and squishy cheeks!”

Yoongi glances at her and pouts. He’s not wearing his glasses today. He runs a hand on his hair and ruffles it a bit. He can feel Hoseok’s gaze at him, the same watchful eyes he’s been giving the elder since the first time they’d met after so long.

“Yoonie has squishy cheeks,” Hoseok agrees nonchalantly. Yoongi blinks at him and even before he can bite a remark, Hoseok shifts the gear to drive and steps on the gas.

“To Busan, we go!” Hoseok declares, earning a high-pitched cheer from the back. Yoongi only shakes his head and looks ahead.

It feels the same yet different. It feels like he’s come home but he doesn’t want to voice it out. He couldn’t voice it out. He just watches in silence as Hoseok turns the wheel smoothly. He just absentmindedly hums at Minyoo’s stories until she’s fallen asleep. He just let the thoughts of what-ifs and whatnots until it’s him who falls asleep.

Before he fully closes his eyes, he hears Hoseok telling him a soft and sweet, “Good night, hyung.”

He distinctively remembers smiling at that.

---

And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself

There’s something wrong with Minyoo when she reached 5-years-old. She keeps on crying all the time and coughing like an old man. Hoseok tried his best to be there for her, but with work piling up twice every time he’s to attend with his daughter, life’s becoming tough.

Tougher than the time he’d tried his best to become the same Hoseok after he left Yoongi.  

---

Yoongi is waiting outside the building where he had the conference. He’s going to present the same topic tomorrow with a different set of resident doctors so he’s going to spend the night in Busan. His phone buzzes and he quickly picks up the call.

“Namjoon-ah,” he drawls. It’s almost noon and he’s starving.

When they reached Busan past 6 AM, they quickly made their check-ins. It was a long 4-hour drive with the younger skipping stops so they can arrive at the anticipated time. Hoseok felt bad about not making any plans beforehand so they ended up rooming together. Yoongi was silent at the ordeal, too afraid to tease about it but Hoseok seemed that he didn’t mind.

He’s the one who carried the sleeping Minyoo to their room while Hoseok dealt with their luggage. Yoongi left the two deep in slumber, not before Hoseok told him that they’ll meet him after his conference to eat lunch together. Yoongi told Hoseok to order room service for their breakfast and it felt normal when he reminded Hoseok to check on the menu so Minyoo wouldn’t eat something she’s allergic to.

“Hyung, how was it?” The elder hikes his bag higher on his shoulder.

“It went well. I don’t need to go back until tomo—”

“I meant with Hoseok,” Namjoon softly interrupts.

Yoongi heaves a long deep sigh, “You want my honest opinion?”

Namjoon only stays silent, waiting for him to continue.

“I missed him, Joon.”

He hears Namjoon sighing back but reminding him to never settle for anything—just yet. Yoongi agrees and continues to listen to his best friend’s story. He knows Namjoon’s worried. Hoseok and Yoongi never did have a proper closure when Hoseok ended things.

He knows it’s a distraction but it wasn’t enough to distract him when his eyes instantly fall on the pair walking hand in hand towards him. It wasn’t enough to distract him from smiling widely, pink gums showing when both Minyoo and Hoseok waves at him excitedly.

It wasn’t enough to distract him from hoping that there could be something else, something more as to why fate draws their paths back together.

It’s later that night after they wandered around parks and cafes and stores that they addressed the elephant in the room.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Yoongi says when Minyoo’s already lying in the middle of the bed.

Hoseok and Minyoo went to shower first when they arrived back at the hotel. Yoongi attended to some work emails, reminders for his last talk while he waited for his turn in the shower.

Now, Minyoo is in the middle of the bed, black locks splayed on the pillow. She’s hugging her teddy bear, a small pout atop the head. She looks so tiny and it makes Yoongi’s heart warm.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Hoseok objects seriously. “You need to get enough rest. You need to sleep properly.”

Yoongi snorts, black soft hair on his forehead. Hoseok’s walking closer to the bed and is about to shuffle Minyoo to the right side when Yoongi stops him.

“We can—uh, we can share?” Yoongi offers.

“The bed?” Hoseok double checks just to be sure.

Yoongi feels his ears heating up. It’s a weird proposition but there’s no way he’s going to let Hoseok sleep on the couch if Hoseok wouldn’t let him there, too.

“Will that be alright?” Hoseok continues to ask. “Will you be alright?”

Yoongi eyes him quickly. He doesn’t know, he wants to say. But instead, he simply nods. He sees Hoseok’s shoulder visibly relax and he thinks it’s a good start. Whatever this is, he reminds himself, it’s a good start.

But then it comes crashing down when a bug suddenly appears on top of Minyoo’s sleeping figure. It’s taunting, teasing and it uncourteously jumps in the middle of the teddy bear’s forehead. Yoongi spots it first. His eyes widen at the small bug and to his horror, Hoseok doesn’t see it.

Yoongi is haste on his steps, knowing too well that Hoseok will freak out when he spots the bug. And Yoongi will freak out if they wake Minyoo up. The sudden shake might shock Minyoo and will trigger a series of coughing from the little girl. Minyoo’s been coughing for a few minutes every hour the entire afternoon because of the sudden change in environment. She needs her rest but Yoongi knows that her father is perpetually afraid of bugs.

Hoseok is about to lift the edge of the comforter and slide himself beside his daughter when his eyes spot the insect. And just as expected, Hoseok takes a hurried step back, bumping onto Yoongi’s chest. Even before Hoseok could scream for his dear life, a hand covers his mouth, the same arm wraps him steadily. Yoongi glares at Hoseok when the younger blinks at him.

He smells just like he remembered. It’s cool, minty, and home. Hoseok leans against him, weight on his shoulder and Yoongi tightens his hold over the younger’s mouth. His lips feel so soft against his calloused hand. It’s electrifying, it’s everything.

Yoongi always feels better when Hoseok holds him. It may not be exactly the case but Yoongi would savor even the illusion of it.

“Please don’t wake your child, Hoseok-ah,” there goes that endearing name again. Yoongi couldn’t decipher whether Hoseok’s shocked face was caused by how Yoongi called him and an arm around the younger or because of the bug.

Yoongi hopes it’s the latter.

(He also hopes it’s the former.)

Hoseok nods in his hold. Yoongi should let him go but he only reaches for the tissue paper on the bedside table and carefully scoops the bug. He wraps it and lets go of Hoseok so he can throw it in the bin at the corner of the room.

What he didn’t expect was Hoseok reaching for his free hand, the same hand again, and holding onto it tightly.

“Going to make sure you throw it out,” Hoseok says, a pout evident both in his voice and lips. Yoongi raises a brow at him and can’t help but giggle softly.

“As if you don’t know me,” the elder replies as they started walking away from the bed.

Hoseok squeezes their hands.

“I know you,” the younger says as Yoongi steps on the lever of the bin. He drops the tissue paper in it when Hoseok adds, “I didn’t forget anything if you’re wondering.”

When the lid of the bin shuts close, Yoongi feels Hoseok squeezing his hand one last time before he lets go. He stayed rooted in his place, calming himself down and when he turned around, Hoseok is already in bed, lifting the covers and eye-pointing at the space meant for him.

Yoongi wakes up to something heavy on his chest. He’s feeling lost at first, slumber still dragging him back to dreamland. He lets out a yawn with his eyes still closed and naturally reaches for his stomach to give it a rub when he stops the action. He opens his eyes and sees black hair on his chest and a tiny lithe body on him. Minyoo’s arms are around Yoongi’s shoulders and short legs hanging at his sides.

He can’t but smile at the sight, loving the weight on him. Half a year spent and getting to know the little girl had made Yoongi feel so soft for her. He glances to his right only to find Hoseok already gone. The side of his bed is still rumpled and instead of focusing on that and the ideas that surround it so he finds himself massaging Minyoo’s back.

The little girl moves and coughs. Yoongi pats her back softly, the sleep already gone in his eyes and mind. He shuffles and sits on the bed, back resting on the headboard. Minyoo needs to be elevated so she could properly breathe.

He glances at the clock on his bedside table and notices that it’s still early. He doesn’t need to leave until 9 AM. He still has three hours to enjoy some quiet time. Minyoo wiggles on his lap and clutches at the front of his sleep shirt. He thinks little Minyoo is already starting to wake so he runs a hand on her hair and massages her scalp.

“Good morning Yoonie,” Minyoo mumbles, rubbing her cheeks on Yoongi’s chest. Yoongi throws the blanket away and flaps her legs slightly. Minyoo looks at him, eyes blinking the sleep away.

“Good morning,” Yoongi greets back, a small smile on his lips. Minyoo giggles and reaches for his left eye.

“Yoonie like a cat,” Minyoo says, hair in a mess, and Yoongi can’t help but scoop her strands neatly. He grins at the observation and rolls his eyes which earned him a chirpier laugh and another cough.

“Did Papa pack your inhaler?”

Minyoo only blinks at him, as if in deep thought. “Not sure. But Minyoo’s things are in the purple bag. Papa said all I need are in there.”

Yoongi wants to ask if she knows where her father is but as if the gods had heard him, the front door swings open and they both heard footsteps. After a couple of seconds, Hoseok peeks at the doorframe smiling blindingly at them.

The elder can hear his heart beating so fast. It’s only six in the morning but Hoseok looks like he’s explored the entire world with how bright his smile is. He shows a bag of what seems is food and a tray of drinks.

“I bought breakfast and coffee,” Hoseok grins. “Decaf,” he adds making Yoongi just stupidly stare at the younger, a smile on his lips.

Yoongi blinks at him, surprised. What Hoseok’s doing isn’t doing any good for his heart rate. Before he could properly thank the younger, Minyoo coughs again but this time it’s louder, and then she starts wheezing. Hoseok is quick to place the bag on top of the dresser and heads to his suitcase. He unfolds the bag and reaches for the purple bag Minyoo’s been telling the doctor. Yoongi watches carefully, a hand on Minyoo’s back and another around her lithe figure. Hoseok approaches them, shakes the inhaler, and sits beside them.

The doctor fixes Minyoo on his lap and Hoseok gingerly pushes the mouthpiece into her lips. Two pumps and deep breathes, Yoongi tells her and she nods right after. She sinks back into Yoongi’s frame. Hoseok reaches to rub at her back, his hand touching Yoongi’s.

Yoongi ignores the zing that it sends through his skin.

“Do you want to sleep some more?” Hoseok asks, removing his cap and placing it on the bedside table. Yoongi looks at him and smiles gratefully.

Minyoo nods but she still clutches on Yoongi’s shirt. It makes the elder man laugh.

“I thought you wanted to sleep,” Yoongi teases, patting at her shoulder lovingly. Hoseok is still rubbing small circles on her small frame.

“Want to be with Yoonie,” she says, leaning back and pouting at both adults. Hoseok giggles at the antic while Yoongi pouts back.

“Honey, Yoonie needs to get ready for the conference.”

The zing doesn’t seem to stop traveling in him.

“Can’t we go with Yoonie, too, and then play later? Papa, you told me we can see the beach.”

Yoongi raises a brow at Hoseok to which the younger only laughs at.

“I can meet you at the beach later, after my conference,” Yoongi supplies.

“Wanna go together,” the girl protests, and Yoongi glares at Hoseok.

He raised an equally demanding kid. Hoseok only laughs some more before standing up.

“Why don’t we eat breakfast first then we can decide what we’re going to do?”

Minyoo looks at her father then at Yoongi.

“I brought oxtail soup and egg bread,” Hoseok informs them. “Do you want me to carry you?”

Minyoo shakes her head. She wraps her arms around Yoongi’s neck and her legs around Yoongi’s torso. Yoongi naturally wraps an arm around her and lifts his legs off the bed. It’s pretty obvious that Minyoo wouldn’t let go and that they’ll eat breakfast with a little koala in his arms. When he’s about to stand, he wouldn’t deny being surprised when Hoseok offers a hand. Yoongi automatically almost naturally takes it. That, however, didn’t surprise him. He’d take whatever Hoseok would give him. Even after everything.

They left the bedroom holding each other’s hands. Hoseok is telling a story about his morning walk but Yoongi’s too trained on Minyoo’s weight in his hold and Hoseok’s warm grasp on him to listen fully into what he’s saying.

It’s insane how everything feels like normal.

It’s insane how everything feels like they’re okay.

It’s insane how this – whatever this is – seems so natural.

Minyoo’s loud laughter brings a wide smile to Yoongi’s face. He’s sitting under a massive umbrella and on the blanket, he packed before they left the hotel room for the second time that day. Hoseok and Minyoo accompanied him to his conference but when Minyoo started coughing again, Yoongi insisted that they head back so Minyoo could rest some more. Minyoo cried because, for some weird reason, she’s grown attached to Yoongi.

As soon as he’d finished his presentation, he hurriedly walked back to the hotel where they ordered lunch care of the room service and started getting ready to head to the beach. Yoongi made sure to pack everything and may have stolen the extra towels in the hotel room just in case the small blanket wouldn’t be enough for them to sit at.

Minyoo is busy chasing and running away from the waves with her father. Yoongi smiles at the scene before him, content and yet a part of his mind continues to supply thoughts of what-ifs and whatnots. It’s a difficult push and pulls, change of ideas and it’s starting to wear him down. He’s truly hopeful but Namjoon reminded him to be careful.

The blinding smiles the father and daughter have on their faces, however,  are enough to make him feel calm.

After thirty minutes of playing under the sun, Minyoo raises her arms and Hoseok carries her almost instantly. They are busy talking and laughing as they head back to where Yoongi is. Minyoo immediately clings to Yoongi and the elder helps her to take sip of water from her sippy cup.

“Are you having fun Yoonie?”

Yoongi cackles at the question. Hoseok sits beside him, scavenging for the plastic bag, and got himself a bottle of cider.

“I am, very much so,” the elder supplies and mumbles a quick thanks when Hoseok hands him a drink.

“I like the beach, but Papa doesn’t bring me to the beach.”

“We’re here now, baby,” Hoseok says, pouting yet again. “I’m sorry.”

Minyoo only shakes her head, tiny pigtails swinging in the air. “It’s okay, papa. We’re here now and Yoonie!”

It’s minutes later when Minyoo falls asleep on Yoongi’s lap that Hoseok lies on his back. The sun isn’t painfully hot anymore and the crashing of the sea has gone softer, had died down a bit. There isn’t much of a crowd around them and Yoongi enjoys the little intimacy the surrounding has to offer.

He’s busy patting Minyoo’s thigh when Hoseok presses his forehead against his hip. He looks down and stares straight into Hoseok’s eyes.

The younger is looking up at him, eyes soft yet so loud and he can’t help but wonder what the younger is thinking about.

“You’re naturally great with her,” Hoseok mumbles, still looking up at Yoongi.

The elder smiles and bravely runs a hand on Hoseok’s furrowed brows. He massages the crease, smoothening the skin and runs his fingers on his scalp.

“It’s difficult not to,” Yoongi answers honestly. “It’s just so easy to love her.”

Hoseok closes his eyes and presses his face against Yoongi’s thigh.

“She loves you, too,” Hoseok mumbles. “It’s always been easy to love you.”

Yoongi freezes at the statement. Even if it’s mumbled against his shorts, it was clear and loud to Yoongi’s ears.

He continues to massage Hoseok’s scalp and pats Minyoo’s thigh, eyes on the sea, and Hoseok’s words playing repeat on his head.

---

Fifth, you see them out with someone else

“I’m screwed,” Hoseok curses. “Can’t we look for a new doctor?”

Jiwoo, his sister, only raises a brow at him. She reaches for his hand and squeezes it tightly. Minyoo is asleep in her room, her guardian has just finished washing her up and already left the house.

“I think this is best for Minyoo, Hoseok-ah,” she reminds him.

“Noona,” Hoseok breathes in deeply. “You know how I ended things with him. It wasn’t a pretty picture.”

Jiwoo smiles brokenly and continues to squeeze his hand.

“But it’s the only clinic that’s near to your place, the only clinic that would offer all the things Minyoo needs and would need, and the only clinic that’s specialized on pulmonary disease.”

“Why can’t big hospitals offer the same thing,” Hoseok cries. “How did you even find it?”

“It appeared on Naver,” his sister replies. “Besides, Minyoo hates big hospitals, you know that.”

“I can’t see him. He can’t know,” the younger tells her, voice strained and weak. “What would he think?”

Jiwoo only reaches for his nearest hand and rubs in assurance. They were quiet for a moment until the door of Minyoo’s room creaks open and Minyoo steps out, dragging her white fluffy blanket and coughing intensely.

“I think he’ll be more concerned about making Minyoo better than worry about seeing you again.”

Hoseok gets off the couch and scoops Minyoo in his arms. The little girl continues to cough so bad that she starts crying. Hoseok is crying with her but for a different reason and no matter how painful it is for him, he rather accepts his fate just to make Minyoo better again.

---

“Is she asleep already?”

Hoseok smiles and sits on the couch across Yoongi. Yoongi turns off his laptop and places it on the coffee table.

“She didn’t fuss,” the younger replied, reaching for a can of beer.

“Inhaler?”

“Two puffs and done,” Hoseok says, tacking a heart-shaped smile. Yoongi smiles back and reaches for a can of beer as well. Hoseok beats him, however, and offers an already opened can.

“Thanks,” the elder mumbles softly.

They were silent after that, just looking everywhere but to each other and drinking beer in peace. Yoongi leans on the couch, folding his legs, and reaches for a throw pillow. He eyes Hoseok quietly who’s busy fiddling at the hem of his shirt.

“Why is her name—”

“Hyung—”

They both say at the same time. Yoongi feels his cheeks heating up while Hoseok’s ears are already red. They laugh at each other and Hoseok raises a hand.

“Age before beauty,” Hoseok teases and Yoongi wants to throw the pillow at him. The elder rolls his eyes and finishes his drink. He crushes the can softly, enough to make a dent, and places it on the table.

“Okay,” the elder replies, reaching for another can and opening it himself. “I just wanted to ask why her name’s Minyoo.”

He sees Hoseok visibly freeze. He eyes Yoongi worriedly and Yoongi feels like it’s something he’s not supposed to know but the reaction only caused him to be even more curious.

“It’s alright if you can’t tell me,” Yoongi supplies quickly, looking away and taking a gulp of his drink.

Hoseok shakes his head and places his beer can on the table. He watches as the younger wipes his face harshly and chews at his bottom lip.

“It’s because of you,” Hoseok replies openly. He looks at Yoongi and continues, “It’s because of you. She’s named after you. Min Yoo. I know it’s not the most conventional name but she’s named after you.”

Time stopped after that.

Time stopped after Yoongi heard the information. It felt like a confession of something he’s too afraid to ask, too afraid to admit to himself.

Time stopped after Yoongi stared at Hoseok with wide eyes, his heart beating so fast. He felt like he’s being skinned alive and it’s frustrating that when he’s about to ask the younger another question, a loud ringing of the phone reverberated around the room.

Hoseok stands up, the phone pressed against his ear. Yoongi listens absentmindedly, having no idea what’s happening because Hoseok sounds so stressed, the once soft chirp of his voice turned low and strained. It looks like there’s a problem in Hoseok’s agency, a missing file, a complaint—Yoongi doesn’t understand. He’s still hung on the news that Minyoo’s named after him and he wanted to unravel more.

He wants Hoseok to sit down and explain himself but Hoseok didn’t sit down when he tells Yoongi that they need to go back to Seoul, now. He didn’t sit down and instead keeps running back and forth around the room to collect their belongings. He didn’t sit down to tell Yoongi that he and Minyoo need to go.

Yoongi stayed seated, the sound of the door closing and Minyoo crying are the last things he heard before he cried to himself.

---

And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little

“Papa!” Minyoo jumps on his arms and giggles when Hoseok kisses her cheek.

“Did you do well?”

Minyoo nods enthusiastically. They get inside the car and Hoseok helps Minyoo on her seat. The driver locks the door and waits for Hoseok to buckle up his seatbelt. It’s when he’s done and sitting properly that Minyoo calls for him.

“Papa! It’s Dr. Min!”

Hoseok looks outside the window and sees Yoongi wearing a white lab coat and holding a cup of coffee. The doctor takes a seat on the bench outside the clinic and rests his head against the wall. He takes a sip of his coffee and places it beside him. Hoseok watches intently, eyes careful and all of a sudden teary.

It’s the same man, the same Yoongi he’d loved, left, and still loves and Hoseok knows, he knows he can’t undo everything.

---

It’s a week later when Yoongi finds himself waking up to a call. He blindly reaches for his phone and answers it without checking the caller ID.

“Hyung?” It’s followed by a loud sniffling and Yoongi instantly sits up, his blanket falling on the floor. He doesn’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling.

“I fucked up,” Hoseok cries and it’s enough for Yoongi to get up and head to his car.

It took him 15 minutes to arrive at Hoseok’s apartment and when he’s inside he sees Hoseok crying with Minyoo in his arms. Yoongi hurriedly kicks off his shoes and steps closer to feel Minyoo’s temperature.

“She’s burning up,” Yoongi says worriedly. “You should’ve brought her to the hospital.”

Hoseok shakes his head.

“I tried but she keeps on asking for you,” he sobs. He holds her tightly and takes a step back.

“I don’t know what to do! I-I’m s-sorry,” the younger weeps. “I d-don’t know w-what to do.”

“Get her in bed, I’ll get some things,” Yoongi instructs calmly.

They didn’t talk after Hoseok left him in Busan. They didn’t exchange messages, no calls, anything. Yoongi didn’t have to block him because there’s no need to. His actions last time were enough indication that Hoseok made a choice and yet Yoongi is still here.

Hoseok goes to Minyoo’s room, the door on the right and Yoongi hurriedly heads to the bathroom. He made a lucky guess by the rag standing outside the room and quickly grabbed a small basin and a washcloth under the sink. He fills the basin with tap water and opens the medicine cabinet to see if there’s anything he can use to help Minyoo’s fever.

As soon as he got the medicine, he carried everything and dash into Minyoo’s room. Hoseok’s in the bed too, still hugging Minyoo who’s almost lifeless, probably tired from the fever.

“Lie her down, Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi tells him softly. “Why don’t you get me water for Minyoo and prepare us some tea, hmm?”

Hoseok sniffs and nods, agreeing. He gingerly places Minyoo in bed and leaves the room quietly.

Yoongi dips the washcloth in the basin and wrings the cloth to squeeze out the excess water. He starts wiping the little girl with the cloth, to help her cool down. He repeats the act and continues to check her temperature. Once he’s done, he helps tells Minyoo that she needs to drink her medicine.

Minyoo cries after that.

“Bitter,” she complains. “Don’t want to, Yoonie.”

Hoseok comes back, carrying Minyoo’s sippy cup. He kneels on the floor beside the table. Yoongi is in bed with Minyoo in front of him. Minyoo tries to wiggle away from Hoseok who’s offering the sippy cup and latches on Yoongi. Yoongi feels like crying with how tears from both the father and daughter don’t seem to stop trickling down their faces.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Minyoo fights, sobs becoming harder now.

“Baby,” Hoseok whispers, reaching for his daughter.

“No,” Minyoo tightens her hold on Yoongi and hides her face. Yoongi doesn’t want to cause more stress on her tiny body because—

Minyo starts coughing.

—he doesn’t want Minyoo to trigger her coughs like this. Especially when she’s having a fever and distressed.

“Why?” Yoongi then asks, holding a burning Minyoo in his arms. He fixes them both so that his sitting across the bed. He plants his feet on the carpet and softly pulls Hoseok to sit beside him. Hoseok leaves a space between them, still uncertain, and Yoongi doesn’t stop him. He’s uncertain himself, too, but Minyoo’s his priority now.

“Because if I sleep, Yoonie will be gone again,” Minyoo cries and coughs at the same time. Yoongi can’t help but hug her tighter, pull her closer, and leave a kiss on her burning forehead.

“If I promise that you’ll see me tomorrow morning when you wake up, will you drink the medicine?”

Minyoo pulls back and looks up at her. Her big doe eyes are glistening with tears. Her nose is already pink from too much crying and her hair sticking to her forehead and neck with so much sweat. He reaches for the washcloth and wipes her sweat off.

“Do you promise?” Minyoo’s small lips wobble with fear.

Yoongi smiles at her and offers a pink once he’s placed the cloth back in the basin

“I promise,” the doctor tells her. She curls her pinky with his and connects their thumb together. She then removes her hand and offers her pinky to her father.

“Papa should promise too.”

Hoseok obliges easily, tears still rolling down his cheeks. Yoongi can’t help but notice how his shoulders shake tremendously. It starts to worry him but he watches in silence as the father and daughter curl their pinkies together and connect their thumbs to seal the deal.

“Now papa promise to Yoonie as well,” Minyoo demands. “If you promise then I will drink the medicine.”

Hoseok instantly offers his pinky and Yoongi, albeit unsure does the same.

“Kiss!” Minyoo cries after coughing so bad that Yoongi rubs her back. They look at each other’s eyes and then seal their thumbs. Satisfied, Minyoo presses her face on Yoongi’s neck and inhales deeply.

For a couple of seconds, their hands stayed connected.

Yoongi doesn’t want to let go.

After Minyoo has drunk the medicine, he maneuvered the girl in the bed while he lies behind her, patting her thighs softly. Hoseok is sitting on the edge across him, eyes trained on his daughter.

The elder can’t help but feel bad about him. He doesn’t know the time, completely unaware about everything except Minyoo’s soft breathing and Hoseok’s sullen face.

“Do you want to drink tea while I prepare the guest room,” Hoseok says suddenly, looking at Yoongi with puffy eyes.

Yoongi gets up slowly and leaves the bed with little movement. Hoseok gets up too and dims Minyooo’s nightlamp. He carries the basin and the washcloth while Yoongi fixes the blanket on Minyoo’s frame. They left the room quietly, leaving the door open just in case Minyoo wakes up and calls for them.

Hoseok points at the couch as he heads to the kitchen to retrieve two mugs of tea. Yoongi settles in the living room and finds himself in a comfortable spot. He’s too awake to call it a day; too awake with his thoughts. The younger appears not a long moment after and places the mug on the coffee table. He sits beside Yoongi and blows the steam off the mug quietly.

The tension is so obvious, the air buzzing with so many questions, answers trying to find their way to connect the dots, and Hoseok, still ever the same Hoseok, says one thing that made Yoongi’s control shatter into pieces.

“I’m so sorry for—”

Yoongi breathes in heavily, harshly and he stares at the wall behind Hoseok. They’re sitting face to face but Yoongi doesn’t want to face him fully.

“What are you apologizing for?” He asks, voice crippling with mirth.

Hoseok flinches and clenches his jaws. He places the mug on the coffee table and turns on the couch to look directly at Yoongi.

It’s quiet after that but Yoongi’s gaze on the wall behind Hoseok is sharp enough to even cut the last fibre of bravery.

“For leaving you back then,” the younger tells him. “In Busan, for leaving you again.”

Yoongi bites his bottom lip and furrows his brows. The what-ifs and whatnots are stronger now, the blood boiling under his skin, veins about to erupt at the frustration and it’s painfully hurting—how after all these years, he’s still willing to listen.

“I just got broken. You broke me again. You broke me twice,” Yoongi mutters, eyes stinging with tears. It’s unfair. It’s painful and it’s making both his head and heart hurt—awfully so. He sees Hoseok visibly shaking, he’s always known Hoseok’s mannerisms even after all this time.

It’s annoying that he can still recall what Hoseok would do if he’s hungry, he’s scared, he’s sad. He can still clearly know the difference when Hoseok would be hiding something from him because he wants to surprise him. And now, he knows very well that Hoseok is trying his best to let go all of the tension buzzing under his skin. At the same he knows, he’s trying his best to control his thoughts. He knows that Hoseok’s trying his best to control his anger.  

How long has it been? Yoongi could still remember—it’s so vivid, so clear. He could still see before his eyes how Hoseok decided to call it quits and it’s unfair—how everything seems so clear like they’d just happen a minute ago.

“It’s been so long,” the doctor continues, hands turning into fists. He clenches his jaws, annoyed how after all these years he’s still vulnerable in front of the man who owns his heart. After all this time, Hoseok still owns his heart and he’s sure as hell that Hoseok has let him go. “I don’t understand you!”

“I know,” Hoseok replies. He sounds almost as painful as the elder and Yoongi wants to believe that Hoseok still has feelings for him. But he’s a doctor, he doesn’t rely on superficial things – he can only hope – but hope isn’t always something he’d favored.

“I hoped for you to come back,” Yoongi says, tears already rolling down his cheeks. He tried his best to fight off the tears but he’s tired. Deep-bone exhausted, and he’s ready to finally give up but Hoseok’s not making it any easier for him. “I was waiting for our closure. Seven fucking years, I’ve waited for that closure I deserve.”

Hoseok moves towards him, a careful movement that makes Yoongi move back. He presses himself against the armrest and shakes his head.

“Don’t come near me,” Yoongi cries, almost begging. He curls into himself and bites his bottom lip, tears running silently against his cheeks. “Please, you’ve caused enough damage.”

“You don’t understand,” Hoseok argues, eyes turning glassy. He mirrors the way Yoongi’s hands curled into fists and grits his teeth. “You don’t understand, hyung. Please.”

“You can’t tell me that I don’t understand when it was clear. What you did seven years ago was something you truly wanted. And you did again in Busan, with your child.”

Hoseok shakes his head, and Yoongi closes his eyes. He puts his right hand on his mouth to muffle out the cry. He needs to calm down, everything’s whirling back at him like a typhoon—strong and uncontrollable. It’s flashing before him, again, and he knows that his poor heart can’t handle it anymore. He no longer would, so Hoseok better shut it or he doesn’t know what else he would do. He can fathom Minyoo’s hate towards him, he’ll do it.

“I am an asshole,” the younger replied, moving closer towards the elder, braver. Yoongi doesn’t move, but he glares at him. His shoulders are starting to shake now, the cry sounding more painful.

“I am an asshole, I left you alone,” Hoseok continues. “Twice.”

“You’re just repeating what I’ve said,” Yoongi sniffles. He’s glaring at the younger and he can’t help but reach for his hair and pull at it in frustration.

“Give me a reason,” Yoongi demands. He moves on the couch and pulls at his hair again.

Hoseok lifts an arm, trying to reach out but Yoongi shakes his head.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” the doctor doesn’t want to be touched right now. “I demand reason. You don’t understand Hoseok,” Yoongi weeps.

“I know,” Hoseok croaks, fingers curling on his knees.

“You told me I wasn’t there for you. You told me I wasn’t enough, but how—” Yoongi cries some more, throat tight. “—how can I be not enough when you had both my worst and best parts?”

Hoseok flinches and closes his eyes, tears staining his cheeks.

“I know,” Hoseok repeats.

Yoongi shakes his head. “You don’t know. Had you known then you wouldn’t be doing this?” Yoongi raises a hand and slices through the air. Hoseok curls in onto himself and wipes his tears with his palms.

“You keep on meeting with me, calling me, and then what?” He chokes and sinks on the couch, feeling completely helpless.

They’ve been seeing each other a lot of times now. Yoongi knows Hoseok’s trying to at least seek forgiveness if not with how he’s the one accompanying Minyoo to her laboratories. It’s rich, such a dick move that after finding out who Minyoo’s doctor is, he starts showing concern.

Yoongi hates him.

Yoongi loves him.

Yoongi wants to forgive him.

But Yoongi knows that he shouldn’t.

It’s unfair—7 years of being apart and Yoongi still prioritizes what Hoseok would feel.

He remembers the time where he and Hoseok would share over a cup of cheap ramen bowls because they were both incapable of getting decent meals. They were struggling back in uni—textbooks, fees, rent, and the never-ending pile of worry. Yoongi thought everything can be dealt with together but one simple fight made it all over. It wasn’t even big of a deal, but it was big enough for Hoseok to pack his things and leave Yoongi alone.

“You never looked back,” the elder tells him, breathing becoming quicker. His cries are turning into loud deep sobs. His other arm instantly reaches for his chest—it’s so so painful. Hoseok’s already blurry in front of him, the tears seem to never stop. The tears don’t want to stop falling down. Yoongi never wants to stop crying.

He’d cry every time he thinks about Hoseok. He isn’t even surprised that having Hoseok before him, having this talk with the man he loves would make him cry more. He’s been holding everything for so long.

Yoongi loves him.

Yoongi wants to hate him.

Yoongi should leave already and move on – finally – like he should’ve done 7 years ago, but the lightest, softest hold on his cheek makes it difficult. It’s too difficult like he’s gasping for air while being underwater.

He’s now looking straight into Hoseok’s eyes. Too focused on the pain his chest’s giving him and tears escaping his eyes, he didn’t realize that Hoseok has fully invaded his space.

“I did look back,” Hoseok tells him. He closes his eyes and then controls his cries. “I thought of coming back but I am a coward, and I got scared that you wouldn’t want me back.”

The elder still clutches his chest, fingers digging through the rib. He lets out another loud sob. This time Hoseok pulls him in for a hug. Yoongi automatically melts, as he used—he belongs here, he thinks to himself.

Yoongi still loves him.

Yoongi would stay.

 “It was so shitty of me,” Hoseok whispers against his temple. “I was the worst version of myself back then. I am so sorry. What happened in Busan was a repeat of my shitty self.”

The elder only sinks in, tucking his face against Hoseok’s nape. The embrace’s a tad uncomfortable but it’s also comforting, having Hoseok around him. Again. He grips at his shirt tighter, sobs harder but Hoseok’s touch becomes softer and warmer and Yoongi feels like he’s once again home.

His Hoseok, whose smile so bright and gaze so endeared; his Hoseok, whose voice so soft and caress so warm. Hoseok is his home. He shouldn’t have done that, he knows, but Hoseok is—

Yoongi decides to stay.

“I would never hate you, is the thing,” Yoongi mumbles, hands slowly reaching around the younger’s shoulders. Hoseok rounds one arm around Yoongi’s waist, the hand squeezing on the doctor’s side. His other hand at the back of the elder’s neck, squeezing the flesh softly.

“I was just so lost, you left and you never spoke to me again,” Yoongi tells him, eyes closed. “I had it hard, I thought I wouldn’t finish my residency.”

“I tried going back, I really do,” Hoseok stutters, moving closer just to hold Yoongi tighter. “I did, all this time, every single day. But then I keep on asking myself: would you forgive me?”

“You should have at least tried!” Yoongi sobs harder, fingers digging on Hoseok’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok cries back. “I know you shouldn’t forgive me after everything,” the hug becomes tighter and Yoongi only clutches just as tight.

“I could never hate you, Hoseok-ah,” the elder presses. “I just want our closure.”

The room is cold but Yoongi feels warm, even though he knows he shouldn’t. He tries his best to savor the moment. He’s already preparing himself to hear Hoseok finally ending things but the determination in the younger’s voice was strong when he says—

“And I want to always come back to you,” Hoseok replies.

It’s rawer now, more passionate, more real, and Yoongi presses his face at the column of Hoseok’s neck. He knows he will look terrible tomorrow morning from so much crying but it’s better to let it all out now than nothing.

“Can’t that be our closure?” Hoseok whispers, too fragile, too little. Yoongi can feel Hoseok’s beating heart against his chest. He thinks Hoseok has never changed from worrying too much about things that really matter to him.

He should know, Hoseok confessed to him behind the school gym after Yoongi’s basketball training. Hoseok’s always been so loud around school but when he asked Yoongi for a date, the energetic bundle of Sunshine had become so meek and mild, Yoongi was almost too afraid to agree.

Yoongi shakes in his arms and presses the faintest, lightest kiss on Hoseok’s skin. After all these years, he can still identify Hoseok’s antics, mannerisms, and the differences in his voice like the back of his hand. He still knows him all too well, and he’s thankful. He’s thankful that Hoseok’s an entity of his memory that never seems to fade away.

“You didn’t lose me, is the thing,” the elder says. “After all these years, you didn’t lose me. I am still yours and I know it’s—”

“I am still yours just as much as you’re mine,” Hoseok pulls back to look intently at him. They’re both crying so hard, Yoongi’s afraid they might wake Minyoo, but it’s now or never. They need to settle this, whatever this is.

“I don’t understand you,” Yoongi cries, cupping Hoseok’s cheeks with shaking hands. He wipes the tears away with his thumbs and blinks at Hoseok, his tears falling harshly on his cheeks. “I don’t understand you at all, you’re lucky that I love you.”

Hoseok presses his cheek against Yoongi’s right palm. “I don’t understand myself most of the time, too, hyung. But I promise you—when I am with you—being with you makes me a better person.”

Yoongi closes his eyes and presses his forehead against Hoseok’s.

“Then why did you leave?”

“I left because I got scared. I left because I think I’m becoming too much for you to handle.”

“How come?”

“I left because I thought you couldn’t spend some time with me when I had it difficult passing auditions.”

Yoongi rubs the skin under Hoseok’s eyes and continues to press his forehead against Hoseok.

“I got scared that here you are, doing great and here I am, never getting any close to my dream. I can’t help but be self-conscious and then I started counting everything, your time, your efforts, your moments with—I was such a shit.”

The doctor rubs a fresh set of tears away, eyes still closed. He can feel Hoseok’s warm puff of breath on his cheeks and Yoongi can’t help but feel giddy having Hoseok this close again.

“You could’ve just told me that,” the elder tells him. He opens his eyes to look at Hoseok who’s staring at him. He giggles at how close they are to each other, laughs at how they’re sitting this close. Yoongi pulls back to see him properly but Hoseok holds him, stopping him so that they’re only half an arm apart.

He’s still clutching on Hoseok’s shirt and he’s still blurry in his eyes but Hoseok’s smile is so bright that it made Yoongi gummily smile back.

“I am quite stupid, aren’t I?”

Yoongi laughs breathily. He leans against the backrest, pulling Hoseok to do the same. He loosens his hold on Hoseok’s shirt and reaches his hands.

“So so stupid,” Yoongi replies. “That’s why your daughter hates you.”

Hoseok laughs at the remark as he sniffs his snot. He folds his legs on the couch so he can come closer. Yoongi mirrors him and places their hands atop his knees.

“I missed you so much, hyung.”

Yoongi smiles sweetly, his eyes crinkling at the side. Hoseok pulls up his hands and places a kiss on the back of his hands. It’s a small act of reassurance, a small act of starting anew but Yoongi would have them all, no matter how small.

They both camp on the floor of Minyoo’s room that night. They both didn’t want to leave Minyoo alone. Minyoo’s bed is too small for them so Hoseok pulls out a foldable futon and they lie on their sides as they stare into each other’s eyes.

Hoseok pulls his nearest hand and rubs small circles on his palm.

“It feels like back in university again,” Hoseok comments. Yoongi smiles at him and pulls the blanket up to their hips.

“We shared everything back then.”

Hoseok giggles, a tad too loudly which earned him a soft kick on the shin. He juts his bottom lip at Yoongi who only glares at him.

“If you wake Minyoo I swear I will end you,” Yoongi threatens emptily. Hoseok’s eyes went wide and he mimes a zipping motion on his lips. Yoongi kicks him again.

“What was that for?”

“You’re driving me crazy!” Yoongi half whispers and half shouts. That earned a cough from Minyoo and they both freeze in their antics, waiting for another movement from the little girl. When the coughing stops and Minyoo’s breathing bounces around the room Yoongi hears Hoseok snicker before him.

“If you wake Minyoo, I swear, hyung—I will kiss you,” Hoseok tells him.

Yoongi feels his cheeks warming up, pink dusting across his squishy soft cheeks. Hoseok snickers at the reaction.

“You wouldn’t,” Yoongi retorts with a bite but the blush on his cheeks are enough for Hoseok to move closer and invade his space.

“What are you doing?”

“I am about to kiss you. What else do you think?” Hoseok shamelessly tells him.

Yoongi squeaks and then Hoseok—hovers at him and Yoongi finds himself melting.

“You’re so beautiful,” Hoseok whispers. Yoongi scans at his features, the dim light from the night lamp is enough to just show how strong his nose is, perfect his jaws and thin but perfectly heart-shaped lips. He carefully lifts a hand and traces the younger’s bottom lip—carefully, patiently, almost too afraid at the act but he smiles up at him. His eyes are so puffy and Yoongi will tease him for looking so wrecked tomorrow.

Hoseok giggles, bending closer and kissing the tip of his nose.

“I am no one compared to your beauty, hyung,” Hoseok tells him. Yoongi bites his bottom lip and in an instant, Hoseok leans closer, pressing their lips together.

It’s always been so easy around him, being with him. Yoongi finds himself being safe with Hoseok, despite the years of separation. He’s broken by this man whose lips are as soft as he’s remembered. He’s broken by this man whose touch is just as warm and soft even after seven years of missing his hold. He’s broken by Hoseok and it’s easy, just so easy to accept that he broke Hoseok too.

And maybe, just maybe, it looks unconventional—how they’re building each other again, on the floor of Minyoo’s room, but they’ve never been the traditional partner ever since they dated back in high school. They’re all weird, the total opposites, and yet—

Hoseok’s lips felt like they belong to his, Yoongi’s hands fit perfectly against Hoseok’s. The way they’re holding each other, after being separated for so long is just a testament that they’ve been longing for each other’s warmth, each other’s touch. It’s slow, it’s soft, it’s patient.

Yoongi has dreamt a lot of times feeling Hoseok against his, hoped—his hope. Hoseok is his hope and he knows Hoseok knows it, too.

“I can hear you thinking,” Hoseok says, pulling a few inches away. He’s straddling Yoongi’s thighs with the blanket between them. Yoongi wraps his arms around Hoseok’s neck and runs his fingers at the back of his head. Yoongi grins gummily and tugs at Hoseok’s hair.

“What am I thinking about then?”

“You’re wondering what you’re going to cook for breakfast,” Hoseok teases, leaning down to give him a quick peck on the lips. He pulls away to lie on his back. Yoongi follows him with his gaze and moves to lie on his side. Hoseok is staring at the ceiling and Yoongi can’t help but admire his features.

He’s always been so in love with him, he knows that it will never fade away, no matter how much—no matter how long they’ve drifted apart. Call him masochist, call him whatever, some things in life are better left out in the open—no meaning, no definition.

Definite has always been such a strong word for him.

But now, he’s certain, more than so, that this is something he can consider definite—concrete. His love for Hoseok is absolute.

“I am not thinking about that,” Yoongi says, moving closer to lay his head on Hoseok’s chest. Instinctively, the younger wraps an arm around him and places a kiss on the crown of his head.

“What are you thinking about then?

Yoongi hums. He looks at the hand and foot hanging from Minyoo’s bed. He reaches for the tiny fingers and smiles at the feeling of the soft skin. When he let go, he glances up at Hoseok who’s staring down at him with a smile on his lips.

“I am thinking about,” Yoongi says, leaning his head closer to the younger who meets him halfway. He stares at Hoseok’s lips for a couple of seconds before pressing his lips against his. It’s soft, it’s been long overdue, it’s enough to just begin anew.

---

“Dad!”

Yoongi is cooking them breakfast. The same routine for almost two years now. He’s never been a breakfast-type-of-a-guy but he’d wake up every day at 6 AM to cook his family meals. He's busy on the stove but he knows all too well what the ruckus is all about.

“But your Dad and I can’t bring you with us,” Hoseok says, marching after his daughter. Minyoo latches her arms around Yoongi’s waste and quickly he turns off the stove and moves them away from the counter. Minyoo presses her face on Yoongi’s stomach and mopes dramatically.

Yoongi looks at Hoseok who’s standing behind the kitchen island and looking distressed. He can’t help but laugh at his husband’s face when it’s only past 6 in the morning.

“Why can’t I come,” Minyoo cries, perching her chin on Yoongi’s stomach like she’s always been doing ever since they met. He blinks down at her daughter and pushes her bangs away from her forehead. She needs a haircut, Yoongi reminds himself.

“Didn’t papa tell you?” Yoongi tells him, crouching down to face her fully.

“Tell me what?”

Minyoo stares into him and Yoongi can’t help but see Hoseok on her features save from her small button nose. Hoseok always teases him that she’s gotten her nose from Yoongi. Even though it’s just a joke, Yoongi always smiles, feeling thankful that he’s been accepted into the family. He treats Minyoo as his own.

“That he was just joking,” her dad informs her. She blinks at him and then a blinding smile flashes on her face. She pulls Yoongi for a hug and then presses a kiss on his cheek. She pulls back to glare at her papa and rolls her eyes.

Yoongi can’t stop himself from laughing at the antic. She looks exactly like Hoseok when he’s annoyed.

She lets go of her dad and skips back to her room. She completely ignored her papa who began moping since she didn’t kiss him on the cheek. Yoongi watches Hoseok approach him instead.

After the night they spent together on the floor of Minyoo’s room, Hoseok started redeeming himself. He’s always there for Yoongi, having learned that it was him all along who’s neglecting the elder. Minyoo’s also there, she’s always been there and Yoongi wouldn’t have it any other way.

Making amends with Namjoon and Seokjin wasn’t easy but it was all thanks to Minyoo’s bubbly energy and Yoongi’s endless pouting that the couple warmed up to Hoseok again.

Yoongi stands up straight and allows to be pulled by the younger. He’s learning how to balance his personal and work now, learned how to take it easy. He pushes Yoongi against the sink, hands automatically finding their way on his bottom. Yoongi glares at him and pokes at his chest. He always feels better in Hoseok's loving arms.

“You’re bullying your daughter,” Yoongi rolls his eyes and swats at the hands at his ass.

Hoseok laughs and pulls away. He then cups Yoongi’s cheeks and presses their foreheads together. Yoongi smiles softly, savoring the warmth coming from the younger’s palms. He always feels better being touched like this, on the mornings, when they have to part for work, and on the evenings where they lay in bed whispering their plans in the future. 

“Our daughter,” Hoseok reminds him. Yoongi tilts his head to the side, a smile still evident on his lips.

Hoseok leans in to peck him on the lips.

“She was very dramatic, planning everything with you,” Hoseok says after giving Yoongi two pecks on the lips. "I had to tease her a bit. I was feeling a little bit left out."

“I guess I am her favorite, then,” the elder teases. He leans up to kiss Hoseok’s chin.

“Can’t be mad about it, then,” the younger replied, amused. Yoongi watches how Hoseok's eyes crinkled at the side and bite his lower lip. “You’re so easy to become the favorite. You're so easy to fall in love with, Yoongi.”

Yoongi chuckles and swats at his chest.

“You should start packing too,” Yoongi informs him. Hoseok lets out a tiny growl and leans in to swarm at Yoongi’s lips—longer, more passionate, and fervent. Yoongi can feel his knees weakening so he wraps his arms around Hoseok’s neck and savors the smooth swipe of tongue against his. They can hear footsteps coming from the hallway so Yoongi is quick to break the kiss, a hand at the back of Hoseok’s head and another on the younger’s chest.

“If you kiss in front of my bulgogi, I will hate you more, papa,” Minyoo threatens. Hoseok furrows his brows at Yoongi and then he steps back to fully face his daughter.

“Why do you only hate me? Your dad kissed me back!” Hoseok gasps mock-offended. He rubs Yoongi's waist lovingly and squeezes it softly. Yoongi can't help but still blush at the soft act of love.

Minyoo flips her hair and places her purple bag on top of the kitchen island. She glares at Hoseok playfully.

“Dad is the best person in the entire world, he knows how to make me pretty.”

Hoseok snorts and approaches her. He zips the bag open and checks its content.

“You’re already pretty,” her papa tells her.

“Prettiest then,” Minyoo counters with a laugh and Hoseok hums when he sees that all of Minyoo’s medicine are in the bag.

“Make sure you carry medicine for motion sickness,” Yoongi reminds Hoseok, turning his attention back to the stove. Hoseok affirms, pulling his daughter with him so they can head to their rooms and continue packing.

Yoongi is in deep thought as he finishes the bulgogi and starts frying the eggs. The memory of the night they fixed things, the memory of the first time they made love, the memory of the first time Hoseok spent a night in his apartment fleets in his mind.

Hoseok would always ask what he’s thinking about, voice too careful and warm and always so attentive. Yoongi smiles to himself, thinking about this how is their official trip together as a family outside work. A first to many more trips together. It’s their first anniversary of being married, no matter how hard it had been, and Yoongi can’t help but answer Hoseok’s question in his head silently to himself.

He can hear his family arguing which dress to bring, which brush to pack and Yoongi can’t stop thinking—

How I am better now than ever.