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They hadn’t kissed yet. The closest they’d gotten to a proper kiss was that first night Aziraphale had stayed over. The memory of it had begun to chafe. The Evil Twin had a lot to say about it, filling Aziraphale with doubts, as per usual.
He doesn’t want to kiss you. You’re his broken little doll that he’s playing with. He gets a kick out of it, you know? You do know. You’ve seen how he gets taking care of you, being the reason you can wear expensive clothes and walk on two limbs again. Well done for taking advantage of that, but you’ve thrown your heart in the mix. That’s something he’ll never be able to fix, patch up, or pay to polish. When he realizes that he will truly know how worthless you are. That the fruits of his labor are wasted on you. You’re nothing but his charity case.
Those doubts ate away at him when he was not in Crowley’s presence, but now, he was never away from Crowley too long to let them fester. He was still in his makeshift love bubble that he prayed would never pop. Impossible, but he’d keep praying.
It was hard to have doubts when he was around Crowley. The man was just always so open with his feelings! And he was beyond considerate. Crowley saw to his every need and then some.
He’d been fitted for his new prosthetic. While he waited for its arrival, Aziraphale had gone back to work. He’d grown familiar with the office etiquette, which depended highly on whether they had clients in the studio or not. His coworkers started treating him like he was the baby of the office. It was as amusing as it was frustrating. Bea admitted they were aware of he and Crowley‘s relationship before they even met that first time for his interview.
They clearly expected some kind of reprimand or cold shoulder. But Aziraphale made it clear that he was not upset, that in fact, he was absolutely grateful to them for standing up for him that day. He expressed his gratitude by inviting them all to drinks, which they accepted with gusto to Crowley‘s annoyance. He needed to properly thank them all, including Tracy, Shadwell, and Newt.
Crowley had also received his invitation. Aziraphale just didn’t think he would make it. The poor man was overworked between running his business and planning a grand wedding for his nephew.
As Aziraphale’s guests trickled into the pub, he found himself both hoping and dreading Crowley's arrival. The Evil Twin was in the process of lecturing him.
It’s inappropriate for you to flaunt your boss/boyfriend before your coworkers. They’ll be jealous. They’ll judge you. They will all realize you are nothing but a gold digger. An opportunist. They’ll come to resent you in time.
However, everyone cheered when Crowley and Anathema walked into the pub. The commotion only grew worse when Anathema made a beeline for Newt. Suggestive whistling was thrown into the mix when Crowley kissed Aziraphale on the cheek and plopped down next to him. After some well meaning jabbing and teasing, things settled a bit, and Aziraphale watched with awe and curiosity at the whole lot of them.
Everyone was treated equally. For some reason he’d thought they’d cower in fear at Crowley’s presence but it was obviously the opposite. They adored him. Even while they made rude gestures and traded threats, he could see the admiration and respect they all had for their employer. Their friend.
Aziraphale hadn’t had that much fun in ages. He and Crowley had fun, of course. But Aziraphale never had a large array of friends. And even though there was a thin professional boundary between him and the others, it still felt like he was surrounded by friends. And that was grand!
Then the first round of beers came, and that was Aziraphale’s moment. He knocked a fork against his glass and called for everyone’s attention… and then promptly burst into tears. Before anyone could worry, Aziraphale held up a hand and composed himself. He laughed at himself and then cleared his throat.
“I’ve invited you all here because I wanted to thank you all. Most of you, if not all of you, know some of the, er, difficulties I’ve had to endure for quite some time. And you still treat me with courtesy and respect. You’ve treated me like…” A person. A new and much larger lump formed in his throat. “Like a friend! And-and I just wanted you all to know how incredibly grateful I am–“ That was all he could manage before hiccuping and lifting his glass in a toast.
They said it for him. “CHEERS!”
“You okay?” Crowley murmured into his cheek.
Aziraphale smiled. “More than.”
The alcohol had smoothed over any inhibitions Aziraphale had for that evening. He’d already stayed over Crowley‘s a handful of times. He was going to stay over that very night as well. But tonight it felt different. It felt like something was in motion, and it had started as soon as Crowley wrapped a possessive arm around Aziraphale for everyone to see. Something about that made things different. More intimate. More like he was good enough to be seen in public now, and with a gorgeous man to boot!
Michael had never flaunted him, not that there was anything to flaunt. Past flings never did either. And there Crowley was, an arm around Aziraphale‘s shoulder and kissing his temple as he pleased in public. And every time somebody whistled, Crowley would kiss him more until they all groaned and pretended to gag and finally stopped teasing.
His cheeks hurt from how much he had smiled as the evening went on. When the bill came, Aziraphale took it before anybody else complained. There were drunken shouts of indignation and Aziraphale dismissed them with a laugh. He looked up at Crowley who had refrained from taking the check. He looked disappointed–angry even. When he saw that Aziraphale was looking at him, Crowley put on his shades.
Well, that’s not good .
Aziraphale was given a polite smile, thin lips strained. Aziraphale smiled back weakly before turning to the bill and paying it. He knew Crowley wanted to take care of him. Pay for everything. Provide everything! But he couldn’t live like that. He tried to accept it. He tried to quiet his protests. But Aziraphale couldn’t understand why Crowley was so affected every time Aziraphale decided to pay for something with his own money.
Wasn’t it supposed to be the opposite? Wasn’t Aziraphale supposed to feel guilty about having Crowley pay for his things? Instead he felt remorseful and apologetic for using just a little bit of his independence. It was ridiculous. But he couldn’t bring it up. He had already tried, but he didn’t want to seem ungrateful.
And he surely did not want to have their first fight anytime soon. He knew it would happen eventually. They were different in many ways and one day those differences would surely collide. All Aziraphale could hope for is that they would overcome it together and continue to stay in each other's lives.
But he also didn’t want passive aggressive smiles.
You’re a complete dunderhead, you know that? Obviously he’s upset because you just threw down almost two hundred dollars on drinks instead of paying your debt with it!
“Oh, dear.” That had to be it. How stupid could he be? Cleverly stupid.
“Last call!” A chorus of boo’s sounded off at the bartender. Crowley leaned into Aziraphale’s ear. “Ready to go, angel?”
Aziraphale jolted in surprise. He barely met Crowley’s gaze when he nodded. “Yes, dear.”
They took a cab to Crowley’s. It had been a rather silent ride but Crowley no longer seemed upset. Still, his glasses were on. Aziraphale felt terrible. He could fix it. Somehow he would.
After a hearty meal, Aziraphale felt sober again and that came with a plethora of insecurities. They were still sitting at the dining table when Aziraphale ventured to bring something up. Something nice.
“You know, I really enjoyed the evening.”
“Me too.”
The shades were off so Aziraphale could tell he was being honest. There wasn’t a hint of that coldness from before so he continued.
“I-I… rather liked the, erm, public affection.”
At that, Crowley snapped his eyes up from his espresso and grinned with mischief. “Into PDA, huh? Kinky.”
Aziraphale scoffed. “Says the man with the sex dungeon!”
“Sex du–My room isn’t a sex dungeon.” Crowley gave him a pointed glare and then used his wicked smile. “Yet.”
Aziraphale bit his lip. It was supposed to be funny. He should laugh. But he was too aroused to think properly. So he deflected. “What I mean was that I enjoyed being seen together as a couple. It felt nice to be acknowledged in public with no fear of retribution. And–“ He cut himself off and looked down at his empty dessert plate. “We haven’t gotten out much. I love that we still do breakfast together or meet up for coffee. I know it’s probably difficult to be seen with someone, um, like me–“
“Stop right there,” said Crowley, his features hard. “I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you, Aziraphale.
“Not even a little? I would completely understand, mind you! I’m embarrassed of myself most times–“
“Not in the slightest.” Crowley grew more agitated, and it looked like it was taking everything in him not to yell or turn over the table.
It was a bit terrifying. What if Crowley was violent with him? There was so much about Crowley he did not know and that scared Aziraphale to no end. He couldn’t be made a fool. Not again. “We haven’t gone on a date since the night we were interrupted by that terrible man.” He couldn’t forget how easily he’d believed in his parents, Michael, religion , and the military. “And don’t think I didn’t notice your reaction to me footing the bill tonight. I do apologize that I didn’t think to give you the surplus of my income to pay off my debt, but you don’t have to pretend you’re not disappointed with me!”
By the end of his little fit, Aziraphale was near hyperventilating.
What is wrong with you? Now you’re throwing presumptions around. Do you want to lose Crowley? Keep this up and you will.
Crowley stood quickly and went to kneel by his side. The ginger’s mismatched eyes looked hurt and concerned, and in a second, Aziraphale realized he’d been wrong.“I’m so sorry, angel. I’ve been waiting… for you.”
Oh, so very wrong indeed.
“I’ve been trying to reel it in, so to speak. Like I said, I can be a bit… much. And you wanted to go slow. I’ve just been waiting for cues, but it looks like I’m not that great at it. I’ll learn them though, just give me time.” Crowley was close to tears. He took a deep breath and continued. “And if I seemed upset with you tonight, I really wasn’t.”
Gaslighting, Aziraphale! Remember gaslighting! You know what you saw!
“I was frustrated with myself,” Crowley admitted. “I came way too close to interfering with your wishes. It’s not easy for me to… um… I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t like feeling… inadequate. That’s my own problem though- it has nothing to do with you, I promise.”
Aziraphale blinked. “You shouldn’t have to be looking for cues! I’m such a fucking idiot!” And then he was in Crowley’s arms.
Crowley tutted. “Don’t talk about my angel that way. Listen,” he leaned back to gaze into Aziraphale's watery eyes. “Would you like some more PDA? Private display of affection.”
He said it so seriously that Aziraphale barked out a laugh. He was led to the couch and back in Crowley’s arms. The embrace was familiar. They’d cuddled often in that very position. But now, Aziraphale knew that Crowley had been letting him lead. He could feel his own body heat seeking Crowley’s out. He wanted to be closer. He wanted a proper snog!
“Crowley…”
“Mm?”
“I’d like you to kiss me.”
“Temptation accomplished,” Crowley replied with a fond smile.
And it really was as easy as that.
Crowley twisted in his seat and held Aziraphale’s face gently in both hands, looking at him as if he were the most precious thing in his world.
Warm lips brushed his own and Crowley was already pulling away. Aziraphale gripped onto Crowley’s shirt and pulled him back in for a deeper kiss. The man was surprised but quickly recovered and followed Aziraphale’s lead. They’d finally graduated to open mouth kissing when Aziraphale grew hotter, his trousers tightening uncomfortably.
Crowley apparently could not help himself to test the limits. He nibbled on Aziraphale’s bottom lip until he opened. He whimpered when Crowley’s tongue passed his lips. They made out like teenagers, which eventually led Aziraphale to start giggling.
Pulling back with a dazed but satisfied smirk, Crowley shook his head. “You are downright adorable.”
“So are you.”
“How dare you.”
Aziraphale laughed again. “Can I try something? It might end up being ridiculous.”
Crowley sighed happily. “Whatever you like.”
“Can I straddle you?”
“Oh, my fucking–yes, Aziraphale, yes.” Crowley shimmied closer and sat straighter than Aziraphale had ever witnessed.
The reality of what he wanted to accomplish wracked him with nerves a bit. He didn’t want to look the clown while trying to clamber onto Crowley with one leg. What had he been thinking? But Crowley either lost patience or assumed he was supposed to manhandle Aziraphale right onto his lap.
“Oh dear,” he breathed. “The view is quite nice from here.” He grinned above Crowley who easily reached his mouth again.
“Same here,” his beau replied breathily.
It was slow and passionate. So, so intimate. Both of them lost themselves to the new sensations. Aziraphale’s blood truly headed south with alarming speed. Crowley’s hands explored his neck, his arms, his sides, and then landed on his thighs.
It was like hearing a record scratch. Aziraphale’s hand flew to Crowley’s that was perched just above his stump. “Ah…”
Crowley stopped moving, the haze of arousal still clouding his eyes. Then he realized what had happened and squeezed Aziraphale’s thigh reassuringly. “Not here?”
“If you please…” It was barely a whisper.
“Okay, my beautiful angel. That was very good. Asking for what you want and don’t want.”
Aziraphale went pink. The tone and words matched a few lines of his cheesy erotica that he loved so much. Which reminded him…
“You know, the first time I stayed over, I was fully prepared for a Fifty Shades of Grey situation.”
Crowley choked on his own gasp and went beat red. “Is that so?” He cleared his throat. “You thought I whisked you away to be my submissive?”
“Seeing those rings on your bed didn’t help.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake–so I like a little bondage! Doesn’t make me some BDSM master or whatever.” Crowley’s cheeks were sweltering hot in Aziraphale’s hands.
“Is it you that likes being tied up or…”
Crowley tried to look suave when he arched a brow. He failed. “I like… being in charge. No, that’s not it exactly.” He hummed and thought for a moment. “I like providing. Servicing my partners. Or at least I’ve tried to… not too many people are into it.”
The question in Crowley’s eyes was clear. “I’ve never tried it,” Aziraphale admitted. “But, it sounds enticing.”
Crowley’s pupils dilated and he sucked in his bottom lip. “Yeah?”
“Perhaps, but let’s stick to kissing for now, if that’s alright?”
“Psh, yeah! More than alright. Like I said, I enjoy giving you what you want. You just need to tell me what that is.”
Aziraphale hoped he could. He wanted to profess his love right then and there but the words got stuck in his throat. Since that first evening, the love endearment was never used again. Aziraphale knew why. Crowley was waiting for him to catch up. In his heart, he was already there. He just needed to say it. But his mouth quickly became too occupied to say anything more.