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Tucked between the pages of Matsuno Chifuyu’s Ai Yazawa manga volume was a polaroid photo of him and Baji Keisuke. In the photo, they were in Draken’s bedroom, where the lot of them had gathered to play cards with the parlor girls. It was a little party of sorts they had on weekends, where sometimes the girls would sneak in green bottles of soju from the konbini across the street, which they would helplessly allow Baji to snatch with shrieks of protest as he took a swig right from the bottle. Draken, on the other hand, was usually offered a drink in the only glass of their set that wasn’t chipped. He would always refuse, until Mikey teased that he was scared to because he didn’t want to expose the fact that he was a lightweight. Scared to ruin his tough boy image, Mikey would accuse. He would have no choice but to have a drink after that, and his begrudging face would be met with bouts of laughter.
Such was the laughter frozen in time in Chifuyu’s bookmark. Chifuyu in his school uniform with the collar so loose and nearly half the buttons undone, because Baji had insisted it had to be done to take off Chifuyu’s tie, which Baji had then wrapped about his forehead like some kind of wickedly drunk pirate. Baji had ended up shirtless, one leg folded and the other strewn out over the edge of the bed. Between his fingers balanced a bottle of soju and a cigarette tucked between two fingers — accessories to the bruises and cuts over his knuckles from last night’s brawl. His entire being was such one of reckless passion and blood so hot it seemed to boil, that the bellyband wrapped around his waist was almost the least glaring mark of the rebellious mischief he managed to exude.
Next to him, Chifuyu felt a little plain. At least he would’ve, if it was for the fact that Baji’s trademark grin, as fiercely dangerous as ever, was directed at Chifuyu, who had puckered his lips and winked at the camera like some sort of rockstar.
That was the reason why Chifuyu loved this polaroid so dearly. Why it was the only bookmark he hadn’t lost since he decided to stop dog-earing his pages, and why he used it as a bookmark particularly in his favorite romance manga volumes.
This volume had been released this morning, and Chifuyu had skipped school to stay home and read it. But Baji Keisuke’s polaroid smile was why, rather than focusing on the drama unfolding across the pages, Chifuyu found himself staring at the photo instead, fabricating his own little fantasy about what romantic drama could unfold between the characters in his treasured polaroid.
From the courtyard of the apartment complex, opposite the staircase on which Chifuyu was perched, there came the twinkling of boot buckles, a cackle of laughter, and a sharp chirp of, “Chifuyu!” Before he knew it, the manga was snatched from Chifuyu’s hands, and as he immediately lunged after it, Baji gasped, “Guess what?”
“Give it back!” He was holding it away from him, stretching his arm upwards higher than Chifuyu could reach.
Chifuyu had too much pride to reach for it like a child, so he simply glared as Baji said, “Not until you guess, come on.”
“What?” Chifuyu said expectantly.
“That’s not a guess, babe,” Baji teased, that signature crooked smile that was half a vicious snarl and almost blinding, especially when it was coupled with that particularly excited twinkle in his eyes, a wink, and words that could be interpreted as flirting.
“A bird shat on your motorbike,” was what Chifuyu supplied sarcastically, crossing his arms because Baji was making him blush — he could feel it, and he certainly hoped Baji couldn’t see it.
Baji rolled his eyes. “Shinichiro-aniki just fixed up a Ducati,” he announced grandly, leaning in to push Chifuyu’s manga against his chest. “And it needs to be test driven before it’s handed back to the customer.”
It didn’t take long for Chifuyu to read into it. He knew Baji much too well.
“No,” he said firmly.
“C‘mon—”
“No, Baji, we can’t be reckless. We’re fucked if you crash it,” he scolded, snatching the book back and bending downwards to retrieve the fallen bookmark. He blushed again because only now did he realize he’d said 'we', as if he’d already agreed before Baji even made the proposal.
“Then I won’t crash it! Come on, Chifuyu, it’s a Ducati, and it’s fucking yellow—”
“What does that have to do with anything?” he interrupted. Because Baji had leaned in close enough that the light in his eyes was even brighter, and Chifuyu could smell what must’ve been his aftershave, and he was scared of what he’d do if Chifuyu had let him stay that close.
“When’s the next time you’re going to be able to ride in a yellow Ducati? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” he pressed. “Please, it won’t be fun if you don’t come with me.”
“Why not? Because you won’t have an excuse to drive recklessly under the pretense of trying to impress me?”
Baji was left a little speechless after that: with his lips parted and puckered in a way that made Chifuyu want to kiss him. It wasn’t the first time he’d thought about it. In fact, he thought about it so often that it came as a surprise whenever Baji did or said anything that did not make Chifuyu immediately want to kiss him.
For example, when Baji cocked his head and smirked, Chifuyu thought of it again.
“Let me have a go at impressing you then,” Baji replied. “If that’s how you’d prefer I ask you to let me take you out on a yellow Ducati.”
Chifuyu wasn’t completely oblivious. He knew that what they were doing sounded a lot like flirting. It was just that Baji Keisuke flirted with everyone — even unintentionally — in the way he spoke, in his general demeanor that seemed to exude sex appeal. It didn’t matter that Chifuyu had been in love with Baji Keisuke since the moment he’d found Baji Keisuke in his bedroom, struggling to braid his hair and complaining about how difficult it was to Peke J. in his lap.
“Let’s go then,” Chifuyu huffed, blazing past Baji before he could see his blush.
_____
“It’s so fucking sexy, Chifuyu,” Baji all but groaned.
They’d snuck into Shinichiro’s garage and now stood in front of the Ducati, which glistened from the polish Shinichiro had applied after fixing it up.
The bike was suspended on a platform in haute elegance, with gleaming cylinders and paneling shaped like cutting shards of ceramic, the color of melted sunlight.
Baji had already climbed on, chanting, “Keys, keys, keys, where to put the keys?”
“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Chifuyu observed, eyes darting from the bike to Baji’s muscled thighs thrown over it.
“Will you just trust me, please?” Baji bit back, grinning wildly.
His eyes met Chifuyu’s and what little remained of Chifuyu’s self-preservation was gone — just like that. With a groan, Chifuyu rushed for the shelf, grabbing two helmets. Over the sound of Baji’s victorious laughter, Chifuyu said, “Put your hair back.”
“Aniki said he’s loosened the exhaust, so it’s going to be even louder than usual,” Baji said, tossing his hair in a loose knot.
Chifuyu climbed over the bike behind Baji, pointing as he said, “Insert the key there.”
“Matsuno Chifuyu just said insert,” Baji laughed, twisting the key with a sharp turn of his wrist. The engine gave a vicious growl not unlike that of a panther, and Baji let out a boyish whoop that Chifuyu nearly swooned for.
In a fit of embarrassment, he stuffed the helmet over Baji’s head. He gave Baji the cool biker’s one, whereas his own was more fitting for a ride on a Vespa.
“Fuck, Chifuyu,” he exclaimed, drawing out his syllables. “Come on, where should we go? School? It would be so badass pulling up in this, with the sound of the engine interrupting classes.”
“Really? You’re taking me for a joyride to fucking school?” Chifuyu cried out incredulously. “No, come on, let’s do this properly. Take me somewhere proper.”
“Your buckle,” Baji murmured distractedly, reaching for the clip beneath Chifuyu’s chin and bringing it together.
“Let’s go to the cinema,” Chifuyu blurted, suddenly blushing furiously.
“Cinema it is,” Baji said firmly, twisting back around. “Hold on to me.”
Chifuyu had never seen the film Bonnie & Clyde, only knew that it was some wild, dangerous love story. Chifuyu decided then and there, as Baji turned the accelerator and glided them off the suspended platform, that they should make a film about him and Baji: a film with lots of kissing scenes and thrilling rides on foreign motorbikes so Chifuyu could cling to him like this again.
Bringing his chest against Baji’s back, running his hands over his abs, losing the sound of his laughter to the rush of the wind.
Everything was blurry, from the tears gathering in Chifuyu’s eyes and because Baji was driving 40 over the speed limit. Chifuyu couldn’t remember where they’d gone, what shops they’d passed or what disapproving pedestrians they’d angered. Just that he’d never been close to Baji Keisuke like this, and still he ached to be closer.
“I’m gonna do a wheelie!” Baji shouted, and even with the wind and engine and screeching rubber Chifuyu could hear the fucking grin in his voice.
“Don’t you dare!” Chifuyu shouted back. But Baji did it anyway, lifting them upwards with a whoop.
He tightened his thighs around the body of the motorbike as it lurched upwards, feeling the heat of his engine through the fabric of his trousers. Chifuyu lifted his arms, holding them out on either side, to let the wind intertwine itself between each of his fingers, to carry him as though he was floating on air. He smelled the smoke from the burnt rubber, and Chifuyu felt invincible. It was the kind of feeling people wrote about in love letters and poems, and Chifuyu shivered with the sudden impulse to write one.
As Baji brought them back down, Chifuyu let out a startled yelp, throwing his arms around Baji to steady himself. “Shit, Baji, you’re amazing,” he said softly, clutching him tightly.
He didn’t say it for an answer, but Baji laughed in response, bringing them around one last corner before steering into the parking lot.
They left on a high of adrenaline, hand in hand, tumbling over their own feet, and laughing like the world was theirs.
“Give us two tickets to whatever’s on right now,” Baji declared. “Make it a good one,” he added with a wink. The teenager at the booth took one look at the emblems on their jackets before shakily handing them over.
Baji took Chifuyu by the hand and began to run for their theater.
“This is it,” Baji whispered. They were in the dark little tunnel at the entrance to the theater, which was empty at this time of day. “I think she’s got us seeing a vintage film called Lost Boys. American,” Baji said, leaning in to show Chifuyu the tickets.
“Lemme see,” Chifuyu breathed, bringing himself closer into Baji’s space to read the tickets.
“American, with bikers and vampires. Just your type, huh, Chifuyu?”
Slowly, Chifuyu lifted his head to look at Baji, timid enough in his movement so as not to startle him, but steady. He didn’t give himself the time to think or to doubt before he sharply pushed himself forward, catching Baji’s lips in the faintest of kisses. Just a touch, barely there, light as the brush of butterfly wings. But Baji’s lips were warm enough to send heat permeating throughout his body, numbing in how sweetly it burned.
Baji stiffened, but Chifuyu wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for his palms on Chifuyu’s chest, pushing him backwards.
“Chifuyu.” Baji’s hands were suspended there, as if Chifuyu hadn’t moved. His eyes were wide and shocked, glaringly brilliant in the darkness of the theater. “What was that?” he murmured, frozen there, quivering.
Chifuyu stepped after him, eyes still fluttered half shut. “I dunno. I wasn’t thinking,” he whispered, edging closer.
“You weren’t thinking...” Baji echoed blindly, eyes darting wildly. But they found Chifuyu’s, and he saw how they immediately steadied, then lowered, centering at his lips.
Chifuyu leaned closer and watched Baji’s eyes slowly glaze over. Then, he kissed him on the mouth once more. He didn’t move, not as Chifuyu parted his lips and pushed against Baji’s. Softly, gently, but without hesitation.
It was at the teasing wet of Chifuyu’s tongue that Baji gasped, wrenching himself away almost forcefully as he choked out, “I’m not—”
“No, you’re not,” Chifuyu repeated dumbly, stepping towards him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, bringing his unwavering hands to Baji’s shoulders.
“Okay,” Baji breathed through a deep exhale. “Just please don’t do anything,” he begged softly.
“I’m not gonna do anything,” Chifuyu promised, gaze still lowered.
“Okay,” Baji repeated, voice cracking desperately as he pleaded, “please don’t…”
He trailed off once more as Chifuyu kissed him again, harder this time to press him against the wall with a deep thud. And it was at this that Baji finally moved, parting his lips to a flood of heat that rose and sank all at once in Chifuyu’s belly. Baji tilted to fit them together so right that it was consuming, slotting his thigh between Chifuyu’s legs and tugging at his hair.
Chifuyu felt him run his fingers up the buzz of his hair, felt Baji shiver in his arms down to the very tips of his toes. He took advantage of the rush, thrusting them around so that it was Chifuyu’s back against the walls of the theater, Chifuyu’s hands that scrambled to loosen the hair tie from Baji’s hair, and Chifuyu himself that was melting at the feeling of Baji’s hair against his burning cheeks.
Because Baji twisted his tongue to slot against Chifuyu’s own, and Baji’s gorgeously sharp teeth nibbled at Chifuyu’s lower lip, and every bit of desire Chifuyu had ever felt for Baji Keisuke was being poured into his lips, into the touch that he ran over his jaw, touch that he dragged over his shoulders and pressed against his back.
When they parted it was with simultaneous frantic gasps of air, the both of them heaving desperately.
“Chifuyu,” he panted. He threw a hand over his mouth as though he was to be sick, and Chifuyu almost heard his heart shatter. “Bathroom,” Baji gasped out, before bounding for the exit.
Chifuyu was left alone there, in the dark little tunnel separating theater #5 from the world outside, feeling a loneliness so biting that it felt cold to breathe.
He made it through maybe thirty minutes of the film, eyes too blurry with tears to even read the subtitles, before he realized that Baji was probably not coming back.
So he left, rubbing at his eyes frantically with the bases of his palms. He would have to walk to the nearest station he imagined, because Baji had no doubt left on his bike. But when he found his boots scraping against the gravel of the parking lot, he stopped short. He realized he must’ve come here unintentionally, out of subconsciously held out hope that the Ducati was still there, and everything in the alleyway was a little daydream that could be left abandoned there and never brought up again.
That’s why when he found Baji there, leaning against the Ducati with a cigarette between his teeth, he nearly gave a sob of relief. He couldn’t help but immediately run towards him.
“Baji,” he called. “I thought you’d gone! I’m so sorry I forced myself on you like that, I don’t know what came over me. I-I violated you and I feel disgusting.”
“You’re not disgusting,” Baji said firmly. He was frowning and he shook his head slowly. “You could never disgust me no matter what you did or who you kissed.” He took a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling gently, with quiet words on warm breath. “Besides, the kiss wasn’t that awful, was it?” His voice was anxious, almost pleading.
Of course it wasn’t, because Chifuyu had kissed Baji Keisuke, even if, after having been kissed by a boy, had reacted the way he did. Chifuyu was still in love with him. It wouldn’t have hurt so much if he didn’t love him.
Chifuyu could only choke out, “I’d take it back if I could.”
Baji smirked— why was he smiling when Chifuyu’s heart was beating so unsteadily it threatened to burst from his rib cage?
“All three of them?” he asked.
“Yes!” Chifuyu said frantically.
“I wouldn’t.”
Chifuyu’s heart dropped, like a stone into an endlessly deep well from which there was no way out. Because Baji had taken him by his quivering hands and brought him between his legs. He took another hit of his cigarette before saying, “You’re quite a good kisser, you know. How many people have you kissed to get that good at it?”
His voice was teasing and it was unbearable.
“Only one with whom it actually mattered,” whispered Chifuyu, eyes clenched firmly shut. He was so close that Chifuyu could smell the cigarette smoke floating from his lips, could almost feel the scruff of his upper lip against his skin.
“Me too,” Baji said, and Chifuyu bit back a sob. “And it really hurt me to hear that he regretted it, because I was really hoping that I’d be able to kiss him like that again.”
At that, his eyes snapped open. Glazed, teary, and red as they were — Chifuyu stared directly into him.
“You’re serious, Baji, you have to be. Because you can’t have my chest aching and squeezing itself like this just to fuck with me.”
“Try me out then,” Baji replied, with a terribly cocky tilt of his chin.
When Baji kissed him, it felt like a dream. All light and glitter and warmth that he could retreat into for what felt like eternity. His hands were mapped all over Chifuyu’s body, sliding into his back pocket to squeeze at his ass and scalding fingers trailing up his spine. Chifuyu melted into him, didn’t open his eyes when Baji pulled away, focusing instead on the way his lips tingled at the loss of warmth. How it was like his whole body simply longed for Baji’s lips on his again.
“What’d you think?” Baji asked quietly.
“Baji, why’d you run away from me earlier?” Chifuyu whispered.
“Won’t you look at me?”
“No, because if I see you smiling I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you…” Baji’s lips were at his neck, leaving soft kisses that made Chifuyu dizzy with warmth. But firmly, he brought his hands to Baji’s jaw and pulled him up so they were face to face. “And I need to know why you left me earlier in the theater.”
“Because I’ve never known anyone who is as gentle with me as you are,” Baji said, “who cares for me and forgives me like you do, and I’m in love with you for it.” Chifuyu didn’t dare to move, not even to blink as Baji continued, “And I've tried so hard to tell myself that it’s not any different from the way Mikey or Draken loves you but it is, Chifuyu. It is because I feel it in my chest every time I look at you.”
“I was so scared of it. I’ve struggled so much with it. But in the theater you made it easy and it felt like losing control but there’s really nobody else I’d ever like to lose myself to. You’ve always known best how to hold me together,” Baji said, wrapping his arms around Chifuyu’s waist.
That time, Chifuyu didn’t hesitate when he threw himself against Baji Keisuke’s lips. He wanted it to hurt and he wanted them to stumble back against the Ducati; physical enough that it had to be real. He undid the buttons of Baji’s coat, thrusting his hands against the bellyband wrapped around his torso. That fucking bellyband that was the source of so many of Chifuyu’s deepest fantasies.
Chifuyu kissed him desperately, dragging his lips over Baji’s again and again so that their panting breath and saliva intertwined, so that Chifuyu couldn’t tell who was who anymore: whether the heat against his cheeks was his blush or Baji’s own. And Baji pulled him even closer, parting his lips as pliable as wet terracotta, so close that it seemed impossible to get any closer.
“Wait!” Chifuyu pulled away with a gasp. “Be my boyfriend, Baji,” he said, feeling Baji laugh against his skin. “Please,” he added, staring up at him with wide eyes.
“Yes,” Baji said. “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend. Gosh, what will Mikey say? That we’re gonna turn the entire first division into a fucking orgy.”
Chifuyu let out a scoff of incredulous laughter, hitting Baji’s chest softly before pulling him all the way into a hug. His chest was firm and solid, and even warmer than it was in Chifuyu’s fantasies. He felt as though it would physically hurt him to leave these arms.
“We don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to.”
“Yes, we do,” Baji insisted. “We have to tell the whole world.”
In one deft movement, Baji slid himself over to straddle the motorbike, pulling Chifuyu along with him. The start of the engine gave a gratifying roar, and the vibrations of the bike sent a thrill through Chifuyu’s body.
With a laugh, “Where are we going?”
“To tell the entire world that you’re my boyfriend,” Baji declared. But Chifuyu hadn’t let go of the helmet Baji had placed in his hands, hadn’t wrapped his arms around his torso just yet.
“We’re not moving too fast?” Chifuyu asked. “It was less than an hour ago that you…”
“I don’t want to be scared, Chifuyu,” Baji said softly, and it was like he knew the words that had been left fizzled out on Chifuyu’s tongue. “Less than an hour ago you showed me how good it feels to live freely, and I’m not gonna hide anymore.” Baji took the helmet from Chifuyu’s hands and placed it firmly on his head. “Besides, I like doing things fast,” Baji said, smirk widening on his face.
“You are so much trouble,” Chifuyu murmured, fastening the buckle underneath Baji’s chin, because this time Baji had given him the cool biker’s helmet.
Baji simply laughed, a loud firecracker sound pulled straight from the pit of his belly in the spirit of true happiness, true freedom. Chifuyu put his hands around Baji’s waist, feeling up the deep cleft down his sternum: his fluttering heartbeat and the rumbling of his chest when he laughed, all beneath Chifuyu’s fingertips. It was thrilling.
And so they went off like that, the both of them whooping and laughing loudly, Chifuyu holding on to him as Baji shouted, “Matsuno Chifuyu is my fucking boyfriend!” like a wolf howling at the moon.
Chifuyu could only laugh and hold him tighter, press a kiss to nape and whisper it against his ear. This time around, he threaded his fingers through the slits between buttons on Baji’s jacket to touch his bare skin. The wind was in his face and clothes, lifting him upwards, and the bike’s engine was roaring furiously, a symbol of their rebellion and the boundlessness of their love story. He felt a swelling warmth in the pit of his gut, as sweet and natural as rain. Pride.
He took a deep breath, letting the filling of his lungs push his chest against Baji’s back, then pushed it out in a freeing cry of, “Baji Keisuke, I’m so in love with you!”
Letting the wind carry his voice to whoever would dare to listen, Baji yelled over and over again, “I love you, I love you, I love you!”