Work Text:
it is thursday when jeno enters donghyuck's apartment.
he's done with college for the day and he's too tired to do any of his readings and it's too early for dinner, and he really cannot believe he is going to ask lee donghyuck of all people for advice, but-
"i need help."
there's a pause in which donghyuck looks up from his phone, smirk forming on his face.
"do you now?"
"don't make this any more annoying than it already is." jeno warns, "just listen to me and give me some ideas and then you better keep your mouth shut, or i swear to god i will-"
"okay, okay, damn." hyuck puts his arms up in mock-surrender, "what is it?"
jeno really can't believe he's about to say this out loud. he really, really can't- he thought he would carry this secret with him to the grave. and if not, well...he hoped the first person to know would be jaemin. na jaemin, his best friend since they were twelve years old, his ride or die, his universe-mate. na jaemin who was the only one to stick up for jeno in seventh grade when he refused to help the popular guy cheat on a test, na jaemin who came to every one of jeno's track events throughout high school even when he was busy, na jaemin who got into university with him and became his forever-roommate.
jaemin is always the first (and sometimes only) one to know jeno's secrets. and jeno hoped it would be the same this time, because it would mean he'd gotten through to his sweet, pretty best friend.
unfortunately, that is not the case. so here he is at donghyuck's apartment, humiliating himself.
he takes a deep breath and asks in a rush, "how do i get jaeminnie to understand that i like him?"
there's another pause. longer this time, and the smirk on hyuck's face has turned into a fully-blown grin, "can you repeat that for me? i didn't quite hear you."
jeno grits his teeth, "hyuck, i'm warning you-"
"okay, okay, sorry." hyuck doesn't look sorry at all, "our jeno's got a crush, huh? can't say i'm surprised- i thought you two were dating when i first met you."
jeno says nothing.
"well, for how long?" hyuck pushes, "is it a new thing, or like...what?"
"it's been a few years." jeno mutters, and hyuck blinks, "like...since our sophomore year of high school, maybe? but we've known each other since we were kids, so i don't know how to get him to understand that i see him as more than a friend."
"why don't you just tell him?"
jeno glares, "i can't. i cannot. i didn't come here for a suggestion like that."
"what?" hyuck splutters, "what do you mean? what's so hard about just-"
"he'll be so shocked!" jeno exclaims, "think about it, your best friend of ten years just...confesses? it would take him months to even register it!"
"i don't-"
"i need to drop hints first." jeno can't believe he needs to explain this, "give him some signals, y'know? and when he's started realising something is different, then i'll confess. that way he won't have to go through any confusion."
"don't you think he'd be more confused, though?" hyuck asks carefully, "if you just randomly start dropping hints?"
"i'll do it gradually. and carefully. it'll be all-natural." jeno leans forward, "so. that's why i'm here. help me think of ways to drop hints."
hyuck's expression doesn't necessarily give away his innermost thoughts, but jeno can sense that he's a little doubtful. and there's no need to be- jeno has known jaemin since middle school. jeno knows him the best.
maybe it's jeno's gaze, so intense and determined, that convinces donghyuck to finally get off the sofa and flop down next to jeno and pull out the notes app on his phone.
"fine." he says, making a big show of rolling his eyes for the hundredth time as he types 'ways to get jaemin to notice that jeno has a crush on him' over the title of the note. jeno flushes at how blatant it is spelled out that way.
but it's certainly not false.
"so." hyuck turns to him, "how do you think people usually get other people to notice them?"
"it doesn't matter. jaeminnie already notices me. we're best friends."
"okay." hyuck tries again, "how do people treat the guy they like?"
"i don't know." jeno frowns, "i wouldn't be here if i did."
"okay." hyuck takes a deep breath, "how do jaehyun hyung and taeyong hyung treat each other?"
finally, a question jeno can answer. he thinks back to all the times he's seen his seniors around each other, trying to focus specifically on that summer when jaehyun confessed.
"jaehyun was always complimenting taeyong hyung." jeno finally says, "he kept buying him gifts, too. and he kept trying to make jokes to make taeyong hyung laugh."
"okay, that's good." hyuck says encouragingly, "anything else?"
"yeah, taeyong hyung made him lunch boxes." jeno makes a face, "kept saying he needed a taste-tester, but he never asked anyone else. and he'd always stand up for jaehyun when we teased him about random shit."
hyuck is typing leisurely on his phone, probably making bullet points out of jeno's words, but jeno isn't done.
"they started dressing up more." he continues, "remember? we were going to a cafe, but they both came in really cute outfits. and then the next day jaehyun didn't bother with nice outfits, because it turns out taeyong wasn't going to be there. and taeyong kept talking about the books he likes because he wanted jaehyun to notice how he was all cool and literature-y. and-"
"okay, jeno." hyuck holds out his phone, "i don't think you need to go that deep. i don't even think you need to do this in the first place, because you could just tell him, but-"
jeno cuts him off by snatching the phone away and scanning the list.
1. compliments (genuine ones, or else they'll seem really superficial and fake)
2. nice gestures and quality time
3. be funny and make an effort to make him laugh
4. buy him cute things
5. look hot
"hm." jeno says doubtfully, "only 5?"
hyuck mutters something about 'barely needing 2.' but before jeno can ask what he means, he speaks up and says, "that's enough for now, you can think of more if none of these work."
"okay, i guess."
"but jeno..." hyuck looks at him unsurely, "do you think...jaemin will notice these things?"
"of course he will!" jeno insists, "i'll do a good job. look, how would he not notice any of these? it's impossible."
"no, i know, but...do they seem...different enough?" hyuck elaborates, "it doesn't seem- i don't know- he might not think it's super out of the ordinary, if you get what i mean?"
jeno snorts, "he's not an idiot, hyuck. of course he'll catch on eventually. he picks up on details."
"but maybe not these exact details on the list." hyuck says, "think about it- what if he just...because...these are pretty normal, right?"
"but he'll notice if it's directed at him."
"that's not what i-" hyuck stops and then shakes his head, sighing, "you know what? never mind. but if you want him to notice these hints, you really need to go out of your way, or else none of these things would be different from the usual."
"you have no faith in me." jeno huffs, and hyuck looks so done that jeno wonders if he missed something.
"good luck." is all his friend says, but he's smiling a little, "keep me updated."
[ 1. compliments (genuine ones, or else they'll seem really superficial and fake) ]
"hey, jeno."
jaemin slides into the seat next to him at their morning lecture. he's wearing a mint-green cropped hoodie and jeans and his black hair falls softly onto his forehead and jeno thinks it's a very good look on him.
compliments, jeno reminds himself, don't hold back.
the genuineness is what's important, after all, and jaemin looking cute is the easiest truth jeno has told in his life.
"you look cute today. your outfit."
jaemin turns to him, smile breaking across his face, "you think?"
"yeah." jeno says, and oh god he means it, "it suits you."
"thanks, jeno!" jaemin beams, "it's diy- i cropped it myself. it used to be the regular-sized hoodie, remember? i was in a mood last night and i cut it."
"it looks great." jeno reiterates, and jaemin looks so pleased that jeno wants to squish his cheeks.
he's never felt afraid around jaemin. even now- there's a chance that he'd be rejected, if he ever manages to confess. and he isn't particularly afraid, because he knows jaemin will always be his friend. he will always have jaemin in his life. and they'll get through it, whatever it is. he's never had to hold himself back or push himself too hard, not with someone who accepts him so wholly and beautifully that jeno cannot compare it to anyone else.
so he does squish jaemin's cheeks, and jaemin giggles a bit and swats at his chest, going, "stop messing with me, jeno~" in his laughter-filled voice.
it goes on like that. jeno never forces himself to give compliments- that would be the worst, and luckily there's no need to. jeno genuinely wants to compliment jaemin so often, because he's so cute and nice and smart, and he deserves it. all he's doing his speaking his thoughts, and it's quite nice to make jaemin smile that way.
"i like the way you smile." jeno says absent-mindedly, one evening when they're holed up in jeno's room to work on a project, "have i ever told you?"
"mm?" jaemin looks up, blinking slowly. he's sleep-deprived and running on his fifth cup of coffee and his hair's messy and jeno likes him so much, "i don't remember, actually."
"well." jeno clears his throat a bit, gazing pointedly at his laptop, "it's really nice."
"my smile?"
"yeah."
jaemin chuckles softly and leans his head on jeno's shoulder, the same way he does whenever he's sleepy, "yours too, jeno."
"my eye-smile?" this makes jeno laugh as well, because it's no secret that jaemin adores jeno's smile. it's one of the first things he told jeno when they met back in middle school. pointing at him excitedly and screeching that it's 'the cutest smile i've ever seen! what's your name?'
nothing has changed over the years. jaemin still attests that jeno's smile is the best he knows, and jeno wears that title with absolute pride. nobody has received as bright a smile from him as jaemin has, and sometimes, he wonders if jaemin notices.
"cute eye-smile." jaemin nods sleepily into jeno's hoodie, "the cutest."
jeno cards his fingers through jaemin's hair. that's not new either- jaemin sleeps the easiest when someone strokes his hair and sits with him. jeno can't count the nights when he's cradled jaemin to sleep during movie and sleepovers, and woken up to the younger clinging to him like a koala, "you're sleepy, nana."
"yeah." his voice is muffled, "wanna sleep."
"we'll do the project tomorrow, okay?" jeno attempts to drag him up, but jaemin seems adamant about not moving an inch.
it doesn't make a difference. jeno picks him up easily, because despite their nearly-the-same height, jeno has been working out since their freshman year of high school, and has been piggy-backing jaemin with no true reason ever since they were kids.
jaemin snuggles happily into the many pillows once jeno sets him into bed. his eyes are closed, and he's probably already half-asleep, and jeno can't help but murmur, "you're cute, y'know?"
even in his sleep, a smile forms on jaemin's face, and jeno feels at ease.
[2. nice gestures and quality time]
"i can help you with that." jeno says (albeit a little too loudly) when he sees jaemin carrying a backpack, coffee, his laptop and three books all at once. he's exiting a lecture hall and jeno is there to pick him up because they're supposed to get lunch together- and the poor boy looks like he's about to fall over.
"thanks, jen." jaemin looks relieved as jeno takes his books and laptop, "fuck, i thought i was gonna drop something for sure."
jeno makes jaemin stand there while he unzips the backpack and keeps everything inside, and then removes it from jaemin's shoulders to sling it across his own.
"don't worry about it." he says, when jaemin protests, "how was class?"
jeno wonders what counts as 'nice gestures and quality time'. he asks for extra corriander on the ramen at their lunch stop because jaemin likes corriander, and he offers to sit in the seat farther away from the aircon because he knows jaemin likes the coolness, and he fills three water bottles because he knows jaemin needs water after ramen.
and as usual, jaemin tells jeno that "you do way too much for me, you're so nice" - and jeno figures that that's a good sign.
jaemin does nice things for jeno, too. he does nice things all the time.
like when they were in middle school- jeno wanted to see this action movie on his birthday, but the rest of their friends opted for horror. so he went with it because he didn't want his friends to be bored at his birthday party.
jaemin came over the next day with the movie jeno wanted to watch, and they ordered pizza and watched together, and it was ten times better than the party they had yesterday.
or in tenth grade, when jeno lost his track race and felt down about it. jaemin was the only person not to bring it up in attempted consolation- instead, they went for ice cream and chilled in jaemin's room while listening to random music and screaming to snsd at the top of their lungs.
or in twelfth grade, when jeno got waitlisted in his dream college- the one he's in right now- and he was nervous as hell. he'd always wanted to to go this school. plus, jaemin had already gotten in and so had a few other people- he would hate to be the only one who didn't get into his dream university.
that night, jaemin had asked jeno to take him on a long drive. jaemin hadn't gotten his license yet back then, but jeno had always loved driving. it still calms him down inexplicably, and he's sure that if jaemin hadn't asked that dau, he wouldn't have even thought about it in the midst of his worry. they drove around town till one in the morning, and jeno felt so much better after that.
he got his acceptance email three weeks later, and the only person more excited than him was jaemin.
"you're zoning out." jaemin taps jeno's shoulder, "are you listening to me? i said, do you wanna come over tonight and watch that new netflix kdrama? they released all the episodes at once- we can binge."
quality time
"that's perfect!" jeno's a little too loud again, but he could care less, "that's great, that's- yeah, perfect."
"okay, then." jaemin flicks jeno's forehead, "stop zoning out on me, though."
it would sound pretty stupid to tell jaemin that he was distracted from him by...him. so he just nods in agreement and hands jaemin a bottle of water, and jaemin accepts it gratefully.
they bump into jeno's friend, jiseok, from finance class on the way out, and jiseok greets both of them by default. it's a trend that jeno has seen ever since middle school- jenoandjaemin.
"ready for that quiz tomorrow?" jiseok asks him, and jeno nods.
"kind of. i studied over the weekend, but i'll revise once before class."
it's a short conversation, but jaemin is frowning at jeno as soon as jiseok is out of earshot. before jeno can wonder what happened, jaemin speaks.
"why didn't you tell me you had a quiz tomorrow?" he asks, sounding genuinely upset, "i wouldn't have asked you to watch with me tonight, then, if you need to study. we can watch any time this week."
"i already studied." jeno points out, "you heard me. i studied over the weekend."
"you didn't revise."
"i'll do it before class."
"you can't push things to the last minute because i want to watch kdramas with you!"
jeno's heart flutters a bit at the latter half of jaemin's sentence, but he tells his friend calmly, "jaemin, you know i can't remember everything if i revise a day before. i'd revise just before class either way so that it stays in my head for sure. i wouldn't have said okay to the kdrama if i had work, you know that."
jaemin doesn't say anything. he's pouting though, which means he accepts jeno's words but he's still a little worried.
"hey." jeno grins, bumping him with his hip, "stop doing that or i'll read up about the drama and spoil it for you."
jaemin's face changes immediately, pouting to furious in an instant, "don't you dare, lee jeno. don't you dare, do you hear me? i will never speak to you again if you spoil the drama, i'm not exaggerating."
"sure, sure."
"jeno!" jeno snorts at the 'punch' to his shoulder, because as strong as he knows jaemin is, the boy wouldn't hurt a fly, "i'm serious! don't even think about it. i will end you."
jeno just squishes his cheek and lets him continue his threats for some time before promising not to check any spoilers. he holds open the door for jaemin automatically and jaemin smiles at him in thanks and just like that, all other thoughts vanish.
and just like that, jaemin's smile is the only thing on jeno's mind.
[ 3. be funny and make an effort to make him laugh ]
jeno has never really thought about whether he's funny funny. jisung says he is, and chenle says he has funny moments. jaemin tells him he's the funniest person he knows, and really, that should be all that matters.
hyuck is loud-funny. jaemin is sarcastic-and-comical-funny. but jaemin always waxes poetic about how jeno is so funny because he's witty, and jeno quite likes that.
the witty-funny one.
so he makes it a point to gather as many witty thoughts as he can to dazzle jaemin with his sense of humour and make him laugh all day.
jaemin has the cutest laugh.
"you'll never believe what happened in class today." jaemin is saying as he gets into jeno's car, "psych class, right? it's insane- it's such a chill class, but there's this one guy who just joined late because he was suspended for the first half of the semester. don't even ask," he laughs at jeno's wide-eyed questioning gaze, "he's a whole mess, and he's really rude and condescending, but he doesn't know shit about anything. he kept talking and talking whenever prof asked a question, and you won't believe what he said-"
jeno manages to insert as many witty comments as he can, and he's pleased at the way they form right at the top of his head. he barely has to think- it's almost as if it's ingrained or something.
it probably is.
either way, it makes jaemin giggle uncontrollably, and the whole car ride is pleasantly filled with one of the nicest sounds in the whole world. jeno's thoroughly upset when the story ends, because for one, it was truly hilarious. and two, he wants to hear more of jaemin's laughter.
he doesn't need to worry, though. jaemin leans his seat back and stretches and says, "you're so fucking funny, jeno. if i get hiccups after this, you better take responsibility."
pride fills jeno's chest and he sits up a little straighter as he drives, "you won't get hiccups."
"you always make me get hiccups."
"i do not."
"yes, you do. the only times i've ever gotten hiccups are after you make me laugh."
jeno snorts, "that's hardly a reasonable, logical, causal correlation, jaemin-"
"oh, yeah, use all your terminology on me like i don't study, too." jaemin makes a face at him, and jeno chuckles.
they pull up to their apartment in comfortable silence, and it has been weeks since jeno had made that list with donghyuck, and he wonders if jaemin has noticed anything.
because nothing has changed. not a thing, and jeno thinks maybe he isn't doing enough. are his hints not big enough? not impactful enough to fall into jaemin's radar?
or maybe jaemin did notice and just hasn't said anything yet...
or maybe-
"jeno!" jaemin calls impatiently, "you have the keys! how long are you just going to stand there?"
"oh, fuck." jeno snaps out of his reverie and searches his pocket for his keys, and jaemin sighs tiredly and says for the millionth time that month that they really need to get a second one made-
and nothing has changed at all.
[ 4. buy him cute things ]
"that's so cute." jaemin's eyes are practically saucers as jeno hands him two keychains. it's a stuffed bunny and a stuffed kitty, and from the looks of jaemin's expression, he already adores them, "you got those for me?"
"they reminded me of you when i saw them at the store." jeno says honestly, "do you like it?"
"yeah." jaemin says, so sincere and genuine that jeno's heart aches over and over, "you're so sweet, jeno."
jeno's heart nearly explodes later that week when he sees that jaemin has attached the bunny to their apartment keys, and he nearly combusts when he realises jaemin has the kitty on his backpack.
"you carry them around!" jeno really is happy. jaemin would be grateful for any gift, no matter how big or small, but to see him actually use them and show them off so proudly stirs a new surge of affection throughout jeno's body, "that's so cute."
"it's because it's such a cute gift." jaemin grins, "and not even any special occasion, huh?"
"i was feeling generous."
"nah, you're just nice." jaemin pokes jeno's chest, right where his heart is, "you're a big softie."
only for you. i don't go around buying cute gifts for anyone else.
and does jaemin realise now? does jaemin ever look at the keychains and wonder 'why did jeno buy those for me? he has been acting different recently...'? does jaemin have an inkling, a tiny light of curiosity, the smallest feeling that he might own jeno's heart?
has he ever thought in that direction? have jeno's hints been big enough?
jeno's not sure, because a week later, jaemin buys an identical keychain to the one jeno got him- except he gets a puppy to 'complete the family' and he gives it to jeno so he can put it on his bag, too.
"we can match." jaemin explains, and oh, that does something to jeno.
"it'll look like a couple item." he tries, attempting to keep the hope out of his voice and preparing himself for a scoff or a laugh.
but jaemin just smiles, raising an eyebrow, "we already have the same backpack in different colours, jeno. we bought a set."
ah, right. it had slipped jeno's mind completely.
they have a similar taste in things like pajamas and accessories and shoes and decor. jeno has bought two of everything in different colours for as long as he could remember. blue for himself, pink for jaemin. orange for himself, yellow for jaemin. green for himself, red for jaemin. they even have the same sneakers with different colour laced- and that's only because jaemin likes to diy.
"there!" jaemin finishes fixing the keychain onto jeno's bag, "now it's perfect."
it always is, with jaemin. maybe, one day, jeno will be able to tell him that.
over the following week, jeno buys jaemin a lot of little gifts. and jaemin lights up every time, and it's really worth it to see the way he smiles.
"what's gotten into you?" jaemin coos when jeno gets him a new phone case with his favourite character on it, "usually you stick to once a week, don't you?" he says it with a teasing grin, but his eyes when he takes the gift are nonetheless soft. he looks touched, like jeno has made him happy, "you shouldn't get me anything for my birthday this year."
"mm, whatever you say."
a complete lie. of course jeno will get him something. they never ask each other for any gifts specifically, but jeno has always found that they know one another the best. every year, jaemin's gifts are incomparable- they could be huge and expensive, or small, or handmade, or it could come in the form of a trip or an outing...but jaemin knows how to give him the best memories. it's probably because there's no pressure of expectations. jeno wouldn't mind if jaemin never got him a gift again, just as long as they could spend some time together on their birthdays.
and now, jaemin takes off his current phone case. right there, with no hesitation, just so he can use the new one jeno bought him.
"i love it, jeno-yah." jaemin says with shining eyes, "thank you."
a week later, jaemin buys jeno the matching one for his own phone. jeno never asked for it, and he knows jaemin doesn't feel obligated to gift him back. so he asks why, and jaemin says almost bashfully, "i thought it'd be cute to match. we always match, y'know?"
jeno wants to know if jaemin has noticed anything different. jeno wants to know if jaemin realises how strongly jeno feels.
he doesn't ask.
[ 5. look hot ]
'looking hot'- in donghyuck's words, going by the screenshot of the notes they'd made that day- objectively shouldn't be that hard.
jeno's hot. plenty of people have called him hot.
just like plenty of people fawn over jaemin and call him hot, too. they say he's pretty and beautiful and totally gorgeous.
which is true, but that's not the point.
the point is that jeno has to dress up cool and look super chic and sexy in front of jaemin, so that jaemin will be completely blown away and blushy and wonder why jeno looks so good and classy and dressed up. and then, he'll hopefully realise that it's because jeno wants his attention, because he likes him. and then all the previous hints will flood into jaemin's mind, and boom. he'll understand.
looking hot is the last step in the list jeno made with hyuck months ago, so he really hopes it actually works.
jeno's glad for the cool air and the wind, because it gives him an excuse to wear his leather jacket and black jeans. he wonders for a second if its a bit too much- he and jaemin are just going to a new bistro downtown- but then he figures fuck it. he looks better than he has all week, curtesy of exams and submissions and general university backlog.
"woah." jaemin says, looking jeno up and down as he gets into the passenger's seat, "you look so cool."
"you think?" despite his outfit, jeno can't help but flush, "thanks."
"yeah, damn." jaemin looks down at himself, his cute cropped sweater and jeans, "am i underdressed?"
"no!" jeno protests immediately, "no, you look fine, don't worry. i was just trying something new."
jeno's eyes are on the road, ever the careful driver. but he can feel a gaze burning into him, and when he stops for the red light and turns to his side, his gaze meets jaemin's.
"it suits you." the younger finally says, looking jeno over again, "you should wear this more often."
something akin to pride floods jeno's chest, "i will, then."
"mm. good."
and that's that. but jeno's mind constantly replays the way jaemin's eyes scanned him appreciatively, and yeah, they've been best friends for ages- they've reviewed each other's outfits loads of times.
but there was something different in the way jaemin's voice sounded. or-
or maybe it's all in jeno's head? maybe his feelings are altering his objective memory of reality.
he tries again next week, jeans and a muscle tee and styled up hair, and jaemin's mouth drops open when he sees him.
"your hair!" he says, shocked, "you're showing your forehead!"
"yeah." jeno clears his throat, "is it bad?"
"no, oh my god, no." jaemin holds his face and tilts it from side to side, observing for a minute before letting go, "you look so grown up like this."
"i do?"
"yeah, really mature and....yeah." it's jaemin's turn to clear his throat.
"i wanted to show the results of my effort." jeno says, now pointing to his muscle tee. or, more accurately, to the lack of sleeves. jaemin laughs at the realisation.
"you wanted to show off the years of gymming, huh?"
"yup." jeno pops the 'p', "not bad, right?"
and this, too- this is totally normal. they've hyped each other up about things like this throughout their childhood and teenage years.
so why now, when jaemin squeezes his bicep and lets out an appreciative 'oooh', does it affect jeno so much?
what about in middle school, when jaemin expressed his admiration for how jeno had a growth spurt, despite being only a centimetre shorter than jeno himself? or in high school when jeno first made the track team and started working out regularly, broadening his chest and bulking up his frame? back then, jaemin would boast about it to others- "do you know how many pushups jeno can do in a minute?" and "look, he's super strong" and "he's on the track team!"
back then, jeno was just proud and happy.
now...oh, god. now, jaemin fingers trailing up jeno's arm. now, the way his eyelashes flutter when he tells jeno he's probably gotten stronger. now, when he pokes jeno's chest playfully-
fuck, it's definitely more than just proud and happy now.
"so..." jeno struggles to speak, to ground himself, "it looks good? my outfit?"
"hell yeah." jaemin looks him over, "should i change to match you a bit?"
of course it's a yes from jeno. and five minutes later, jaemin is wearing a muscle tee, too, but cropped and tucked into his high-waisted jeans. and jeno suddenly can't breathe because of how tiny jaemin's waist is.
this is both the last straw and the last step in jeno's list- he has to go back to the drawing board (aka, hyuck's apartment), because he doesn't think jaemin got the message yet.
if anything, jeno has only fallen harder.
"i told you." jeno says staunchly, "i can't just tell him. that's a horrible idea."
but this time, hyuck is firm.
"bro, just trust me on this one. you're the one who insisted on the previous plan, and where did that get you? nowhere."
jeno can't deny that, and hyuck softens.
"listen." he says gently, "i told you before, right? telling him directly is the easiest way. it's jaemin- he won't judge you."
"i know." jeno sighs, "but i don't want to just...throw it at him. i don't know if he's ever thought of me like that before."
"well...when you confess, maybe he will."
"and if he doesn't?"
hyuck smiles, "then he doesn't. but you'll always be special to him, right?"
jeno doesn't say anything for a long time. and then he asks quietly, "why do you think he didn't understand any of my hints?"
"i have a theory." hyuck sits down next to jeno, and his tone, contrary to his words, screams 'i-know-exactly-why-but-i-won't-tell-you', "which is that...none of the items on your list were really something fresh."
jeno slumps deeper, "so you're saying i wasn't original enough?"
"not really." hyuck stretches a little, "i'm not saying it wasn't fresh in general. i'm just saying it wasn't fresh for you. it's not something that would stick out and strike nana as different, if you know what i mean?"
"stop asking if i know what you mean." jeno grouches in response, "it's obvious that i don't know what you mean at all. why else would i be here?"
in the end, though, jeno agrees that talking is probably the best method. he'll talk to jaemin, just like hyuck suggested. he'll confess, and he'll explain how long he's liked jaemin, and all the reasons- a list that goes on forever. he'll show jaemin this list too, and tell him all the hints he's tried to drop.
and then he'll wait. he'll wait for however long jaemin needs to process this information and understand it and form a response. he'll wait for the response, whatever it is, and they can take it from there.
somehow, jeno is not afraid. nervous, maybe a little. but afraid- not at all.
he knows, whatever it is, he will not lose jaemin. it's jaemin, after all- they are jenoandjaemin. they'll figure it out.
so jeno knocks on the door to their apartment, and jaemin opens it and greets him, and there is the wonderful aroma of jaemin's home-cooked dinner-
and jeno will tell him tonight.
[ 1 ]
it is thursday when jeno finally confesses.
"i know this is probably a lot to take in." he tells jaemin in a rush, "but i've liked you...for a few years now, actually. as more than a friend. as in, like...i want to date you. maybe that's weird to you, sorry- it's just- i really like you." he takes a breath, calming himself down. they're sitting on the sofa, face to face, because jeno said he wanted to talk about something serious. and jaemin is listening carefully like the angel he is, not an ounce of judgement on that beautiful face.
"i tried to...to drop hints for the past couple of months." jeno continues, "so that my confession wouldn't be too much of a shock. i- i thought maybe if i gave signals, you'd wonder if i liked you, and that would give you a chance to think of me as more than a friend. that way, when i confessed, you wouldn't feel weirded out or totally confused or lost- i just wanted to make it easy for you, whether you accept me or reject me. i just didn't want you to feel thrown off, but i failed at the hints, and i figured i should just tell you directly."
jaemin still doesn't speak. but he doesn't look upset or angry, so jeno goes on.
"you don't have to give me an answer now. you can take time to think about it, i completely get it. and no matter what, i don't want anything to come between our friendship. but i just had to tell you, even if you'll reject me." jeno takes a deep breath, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders and relief in his chest, "i like you, jaeminnie."
it's soft, the way jaemin reaches forward to lace his fingers with jeno's. jeno stares at their clasped hands, eyes wide.
and then jaemin is leaning forward, stopping an inch away from jeno's face. jeno can count his eyelashes, see the blush on his cheeks, the pinkness of his lips.
"but tell me." jaemin's voice is inquisitive, "where did you get the idea that i'm going to reject you?"
and right there, jeno's world stops. everything stops. the world, the universe- in that glorious moment, there is nothing but them, nobody but them, and jeno is sure that he couldn't have heard that right.
"what?" he breathes, searching jaemin's eyes, "but you- you didn't say anything just now when i- when i-"
"i was listening." jaemin says, quiet and simple, "i wanted to hear what you wanted to tell me."
theres another second of shimmering, glorious silence. jeno breaks it, but the shine around them doesn't fade.
"then that means- do you- are you-"
"shh." jaemin places a finger to jeno's lips, "don't overthink, lee jeno."
jeno doesn't know who closes the gap between them. maybe it was him. maybe it was jaemin. maybe they met midway.
all he knows, when his mind catches up to him minutes later, is that they're kissing. soft and sweet, but passionate and intense- a combination that only jaemin can bring out of him. it must be a dream, but then how can jeno feel everything so hard? his heart, his mind, his body- jeno feels it all. when jaemin lets out a happy little sigh into his mouth, jeno feels his heart soar.
and when they part for a brief second and jaemin playfully nips his bottom lip, well.
jeno feels that, too.
they're kissing again, because it will never be enough. jeno thinks his new favourite sound is the whimper jaemin lets out when jeno sucks on his tongue, or the noise of approval he makes when jeno holds his teeny tiny waist, right under the cropped sweater and on his bare skin.
"fuck, jeno." jaemin's voice is breathy as he wraps his arms around jeno's neck, "you thought i'd reject you? i've liked you for years."
oh. well, that's something they should probably talk about.
and they will, later. they have all the time int he world to talk and kiss and love- and right now, nothing is more important than jaemin's tongue against jeno's, jaemin's body in jeno's arms.
they do talk about it.
they spend a solid hour just kissing and cuddling, and then jeno tells him how he fell for the younger gradually- just as natural as breathing and blinking.
jeno tells him about how he just adores jaemin as a person. and slowly, that adoration grew stronger and stronger, and one day jeno realised that he would quite like to kiss jaemin, after all.
in turn, jaemin shyly tells him about how he fell for jeno in eleventh grade, somewhere along the line of track events and parties and school and after-school sleepovers and late-night drives. jaemin tells him about how he would admire jeno's side profile in the car when jeno was focused on the road. he tells jeno how shy he had been when they went to prom together even just as friends, because jeno looked so handsome that night.
"crazy." jeno shakes his head and bops jaemin's and they both laugh softly. jaemin is flushed pink and his lips are kiss-swollen, and the image burns itself into jeno's memory, one of the most revered sights he's ever seen.
"what did you mean," jaemin finally asks, "that you've been dropping hints for months?"
jeno strokes his hand through jaemin's hair and jaemin leans against jeno's shoulder. just the same as they've always done, but everything is different now, and jeno has never been happier in his life.
"it means what it is, i guess." he shrugs, "it's gonna sound lame, but i asked hyuck for advice on how to drop hints that i liked you. i wanted you to notice my feelings towards you."
jaemin chuckles against jeno's neck, "so you made a list of ideas to drop hints?"
"yeah, but you never noticed."
"i'm sorry." jaemin coos, kissing jeno's nape, "what was on the list? i swear, i pay so much attention to you, i don't know how i could've missed it."
jeno's the one pouting now as he takes out his phone and shows jaemin the image of the list on hyuck's phone's notes app. 'ways to get jaemin to notice that jeno has a crush on him' is printed in bold across the top.
it makes jaemin laugh as he scans it, but a little frown makes its way onto his face once he finishes reading, "when did you make this list, though?"
jeno checks the details of the image, noting with surprise that it was exactly two months ago. jaemin thinks for some time, but finally looks at jeno helplessly.
"i bought you keychains." jeno reminds him, "and- and wore that leather jacket, and styled my hair up. and i made witty jokes in the car and i told you whenever you looked pretty. you didn't realise?"
it seemed to dawn on jaemin when jeno said 'keychains'. but he still looks hopelessly endeared, and before jeno can ask why, jaemin holds jeno's face in his hands.
"you're so sweet, lee jeno." jaemin punctuates each word with a kiss to jeno's lips, and jeno is dazed, "how did you expect me to notice those things so suddenly?"
"what do you mean?" jeno whines, "were they not bold enough?"
"maybe they would've been for someone else, but for me-"
"did you want it to be bolder?"
"no, jeno." jaemin kisses him again, softly, "i didn't realise that this meant you liked me because you've always acted this way towards me."
there's a moment of silence, eerily similar to the one in hyuck's apartment two months ago when he'd tried to convince jeno to just confess directly.
"because...these are pretty normal, right?"
"if you want him to notice these hints, you really need to go out of your way, or else none of these things would be different from the usual."
"i'm not saying it wasn't fresh in general. i'm just saying it wasn't fresh for you. it's not something that would stick out and strike nana as different, if you know what i mean?"
and just like that, jeno does know what hyuck meant.
jaemin didn't realise jeno was dropping hints with his gestures because jeno has always treated him that way.
jaemin never realised jeno was doing anything out of the ordinary because he wasn't. the only difference was that jeno was now aware of his actions.
jaemin never realised that jeno liked him because jeno was just acting the same as usual, but this time on purpose. subconscious had become conscious.
so that means-
"you've always made me feel special." jaemin's blush is obvious on his face, "you've always complimented me and you're always doing sweet things and spending time with me and getting me things that remind you of me. and you've always been funny, and." the blush darkens, "you always look hot."
jeno can't help it when he tugs jaemin into his lap. he fits perfectly, like he was meant to sit there, snug into jeno's arms.
"and i thought i was being smooth." jeno mutters, kissing up jaemin's neck to hear his breath hitch.
"you were." jaemin lets out a shaky sigh, "that time you wore the leather jacket? i nearly passed out from how good you looked. and- oh, jeno, be careful."
jeno smirks, happily sucking a hickey into a perfectly visible area of jaemin's neck, "what?"
jaemin smacks him weakly and simultaneously bares his neck for another one. oh, jeno thinks, smirk growing. he likes that.
"you know." jaemin says hours later, after they've done far more than kiss, and they're cuddled into each other under the sheets of jeno's bed. jeno is hugging him from behind, ever the big spoon, just so he can revel in the way jaemin's body fits so perfectly against his, "you never actually officially asked me to be your boyfriend."
jeno freezes, feeling jaemin shake with laughter against his chest.
"defiling me before even making it official." jaemin tuts, looking extremely amused, "ooh, a bad boy now, are we, jeno-yah?"
jeno groans, burying his face into the back of jaemin's neck and tightening his hold around the boy's waist, "i cannot believe myself."
"i can." jaemin says cheerfully, "i know you too well. and we waited really long."
"we have."
"mmhmm." jaemin twists in his arms so they're facing each other, and they kiss again tenderly, "it was worth it, though."
"cheesy."
"my speciality."
their foreheads are pressed together, and there is something so comforting about being lost in each other's gazes like this. jeno has never felt this way before.
"give me a week." he whispers, kissing jaemin's forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose, and finally, his lips, "i'll ask you to be my boyfriend in a really nice way."
"you could ask me now. or whenever. i'll always say yes."
"i know, but i want to make it memorable, baby." jeno holds his cheek, "can i call you baby?"
jaemin's face lights up and he nods vigorously. and jeno laughs, holding him close and feeling every dream come true at once.
"it worked, didn't it?"
hyuck slides into the seat across from them, arms crossed and smile smug. jeno rolls his eyes.
"what makes you think that?"
"oh, nothing..." his eyes trail to jaemin's neck, "on a separate note, maybe you should do a better job of covering those up."
jaemin turns bright red and pulls up his turtleneck. "jeno left too many." he sulks, "and i'm out of concealer."
"so it did work." hyuck turns back to jeno, smirking, "communicating, who knew? crazy, right?"
jeno snorts, "no thanks to your list, that's for sure."
"my list?" hyuck splutters, "what do you mean my list? you barged into the house and practically begged me to help you!"
this, unfortunately, is true. so jeno just looks away with a 'hmph' and hyuck gapes at the injustice of it all.
"thanks for helping him, hyuckie." jaemin says, grinning at jeno, "his list was really cute."
"he was hopeless." hyuck shakes his head, "i kept telling him it wasn't out-there enough. did you even see it? what on that list was different from what he always does? it's the same!"
"we were practically dating already." jaemin says happily, wrapping his arms around jeno's bicep, "isn't that cute?"
"forget dating." hyuck eyes their linked arms, "you were practically married."
"we're still practically married!"
"yes, but at least you're dating now."
hyuck and jaemin continue to chatter on about their next class and what they should have for dinner and whether jaemin's cousin, jisung, is visiting this weekend or the next. but jeno cannot tear his eyes away from the way jaemin shines.
special, he thinks, and after so many months and years of pining and hoping, he is able to press a kiss to jaemin's forehead just like that.
special, he thinks, because after so many months and years of pining and hoping, jaemin turns around-
and kisses him back.