Chapter Text
It occurred to me as I woke up, smothered between Gojo’s arms, cheek pressed to his chest, that this may have been some elaborate scheme to make me beg. I couldn’t put it below him, even as much as I wanted to. He had been explicit in his intention to remain celibate until he had taken me on a proper date and proven himself to me. I only barely convinced him to stay with me a little longer after he had finished kissing me into oblivion, though I had not yet stooped to full-on begging. My highest triumph was that he had stayed and drawn pictures across my midriff and played with my hair and traced my features with his lips before we had fallen asleep in a tangle on the sofa.
I pressed my ear to the center of his chest, absorbed in his heartbeat. The quiet made plenty of room in my brain to think. Bits and pieces of phrases that had jumped out at me from the notebook pulsed in and out of focus along with Gojo’s steady breaths. My inability to recall entire passages nagged at me, unfinished sentences coming back at me more forcefully, as if that would make me remember more of them.
It couldn’t have been more than five minutes of silence before I shifted as carefully as possible in Gojo’s grasp, grabbing my discarded notebook from the table and flipping to the first page. Satoru wrapped himself around me from the side as I laid on my back to read, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck. I waited for him to settle before flipping through the page to find what had most recently been on my mind.
Note:
Reverse cursed healing techniques are effective on Saints only while they are unconscious or the majority of their energy is dormant.
I combed the page for any more information on the topic and finally turned back to the beginning, reading again through the entirety of the three pages, pausing occasionally to connect dots upon realizing that one point or another related directly to something I had never quite understood about myself or my power. The last line remained unfinished, though I probably could have guessed the end. It made me wonder whether I hadn’t missed some things… perhaps details that Tengen themself didn’t have.
I read it again after the first time through, trying to take it slowly; trying to pull any other distant scraps of information from the confines of my mind where Tengen had hidden them.
It gave me significantly more confidence, this knowledge and understanding of my capabilities… and at the same time, it left a wide hole in the pit of my stomach out of which it seemed bats or some other fluttering creature flowed. If what the dark-haired man had said was true; if what Tengen had revealed was true, I had many more enemies to fear than even the jujutsu world was aware of. These Saints had operated mostly outside of Japan, and it seemed most of them hadn’t even known for the entirety of their lives that they had any connection with the Star, except a handful who had been taught and trained by Tengen during a period of travel and preaching they had done. The mere fact that Tengen hadn’t known immediately that I was a Saint had me questioning how much of my power truly had to do with the Star and how much was orchestrated by something bigger.
I closed the notebook again and dropped it back on the table, resting my hands on Gojo’s arm wrapped around my middle.
“Can I open my eyes now?”
I started, pulling away from Gojo to look at him.
“You were awake?”
“Yes, my love,” he said, eyes still closed, cuddling closer, brushing his nose across my cheek and pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “It’s kind of impossible not to wake up once you do,” he said.
I turned back to face him, sliding one arm beneath the curve of his neck to join my hands above his head, playing with the tips of his exceptionally ruffled hair.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
He squeezed me in a slow embrace, stretching as he did, legs tangling further with mine, feet hanging off the end of the couch.
“You’re getting stronger, darling,” he said. “I have to work harder than before to keep you from consuming my cursed energy.” He said it as if it wasn’t concerning in the slightest, as if I should have known that.
But I hadn’t, and it was concerning to me.
“What do you mean?” I asked, not hiding the twinge of panic in my voice. “How much stronger?”
He quirked an eyebrow, eyes still closed.
“Mm, I’m not sure there’s really a unit I can use but… well, you remember when we first met?” I asked.
“How could I forget?” I asked flatly.
“When I looked at you through my blindfold then, I could make out your outline,” he said. “The cursed energy that flowed into you was impressive, but minimal compared to what it is now.”
“What is it now?”
He considered for too long a moment.
“I hope you’re not thinking of lying to me,” I said.
“I don’t want you to worry.”
“Indicating that I would worry if I knew the truth is more worrying than just knowing the truth,” I snapped. “Just tell me. What is it now?”
“If it were just you and I in a room, I’d be nearly as blind as anybody else with my blindfold.”
A shiver crept up my spine, exacerbated by the coolness of the room outside of Gojo’s arms.
“What about when we’re with other people? With normal people? Or- or what about with sorcerers?”
“Yasu,” he said, leaning in to press a kiss to my forehead. “I am still the strongest; you don’t need to worry about anything yet.”
I grit my teeth.
“What about with other people?” I repeated.
“In my defense, before I tell you, this is new as of yesterday and I think it has everything to do with your visit to Tengen, especially if you are somehow affiliated with the Star,” he said.
“Satoru,” I hissed. “Look at me.”
He squinted one eye open and then the other, gaze flicking between my eyes.
“I used to be the only one that your power directly affected because of the breadth of my own power,” he said, joking tone gone to appease me. “Faster jets have to consume more fuel, you know? And I noticed last night during dinner that, at least while you were near them, the boys were being drained of their cursed energy as well.”
I took in a sharp breath, every muscle in my body beginning to tense one by one.
“Not noticeably to them, obviously, unless they just didn’t say anything,” he said. “But enough to make their edges hazy to me. Usually, sorcerers still appear alright when I’m looking through my blindfold or glasses in a room with you,” he said, “but last night… it was like trying to see clearly with an outdated prescription.”
I found myself pulling closer into him, trying to ground myself in his presence, dread growing with every word he said.
“And…” he paused, readjusting his grip, holding me more firmly. “There’s more, love, but are you sure you want to hear everything right now? Maybe after breakfast?”
“Tell me now,” I insisted.
He took a breath, jaw clenching and unclenching a couple times.
“And you’re changing,” he said. “I mean, you’ve changed.”
I waited for him to elaborate. He looked at me with a sort of awe that I couldn’t begin to unpack right then, not in the middle of what I was beginning to view as more of a crisis than I had ever even realized. How long had my power been growing like this? When had Gojo started noticing changes? Why hadn’t he said anything? Or had it all happened just since my visit with Tengen?
“You’re… brighter,” he said. “Before it was like…” he gave a deep sigh, eyes searching my face, like he was hoping the right words would be written there. “You know when you first start cleaning something and there’s so much grime on the sponge you can’t see what’s underneath?”
I nodded, confused but following.
“And then eventually when you wipe it down, you can see the sponge with only a few residual smears on it?”
I nodded again.
“I can see the sponge now,” he said. “Before, you were just dark; you were that- that black hole, remember? But… I’m starting to see the star that it came from now.”
We stared at each other for several quiet beats, only the sounds of our breaths between us; the cadenced press of his chest to mine.
“And not even just with the blindfold,” he continued. “It’s getting harder to… filter out what’s not necessary to see you,” he said, struggling more against his words then. “To see your- human body instead of… the star at your core.”
“Right now?” I asked, afraid I wouldn’t like his answer.
“Not right now,” he said. “My Six Eyes are working too hard to maintain some semblance of Limitless when you’re this close. I can see you just fine when you’re only a breath away,” he grinned. I waited for him to continue, though he didn’t seem to want to. He gave a deep sigh, grin faltering a bit. “Any further and you’re walking light. I haven’t seen Tengen in a while, myself, but you’re more of a star than they ever were,” he said.
He was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me, but I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t even tell how far-reaching my power was. I was around jujutsu sorcerers all day long; how long before I started sapping the cursed energy from one of them more permanently? Like with Intervention? Was that what was happening? Was I casting a domain without even realizing it?
“Satoru,” I whispered. “How do I stop- how do I stop it?”
He didn’t look anything as awful as I felt.
“Why would you want to stop it?”
I made a face, pulling a little bit back.
“Because I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I said. “Because I don’t want to keep draining your cursed energy and weakening you, and I definitely don’t want to do that to any of the kids, or Nanami or Shoko or- or anyone. Someone is going to get hurt, Gojo.”
“It’s alright, it’ll be alright,” he assured me, gathering me closer again. “You’re not going to overtake me anytime soon,” he said.
“And what about everyone else?”
“You’ll just have to keep your distance, or make sure you’re always near me when we’re with them. Your power is more attracted to mine, anyway,” he said, a flash of that grin sneaking back.
“And what if you’re not with me? What if I’m sent on a mission with one of the students?”
“I’ll veto it.”
“And what if I just want to talk to them? What about- Satoru what about Haru?” I asked. “Will this do something to him? What about my dad? Hinata-san?”
Gojo was quiet, thinking again. He twisted forward to press a kiss to my lips, holding it long and firm; nearly enough time to ground me. He rested his forehead against mine as he broke the kiss.
“You’re right,” he said softly. “We need to figure out how you’re supposed to control your output, but we’re not going to stop it entirely,” he said. “Besides the fact that I know you’re looking to do something good with it, there’s no telling what might happen to you if you stop it entirely... like a drug addict; there may be withdrawals or some other side effect.”
I retreated a bit to look him in the eyes, trying to glean how worried I should really be about this. His reputation for understating the danger in certain situations was at 100%.
I heaved a sigh and swallowed back a pair of additional complaints and questions, struggling to peel my mind from the spiral it was threatening to take. There was too much- there was just too much!
I pursed my lips and twisted a bit of his hair around my finger.
“Are you sure you love me?” I asked finally and his concern deepened immediately. “I’m not even sure you like me anymore,” I continued. “First you called me a black hole, now it’s grimy sponge and drug addict?” I said. “Not to mention environmentally irresponsible with the jet fuel consumption.”
He seemed to want to argue at first before relaxing into his grin again.
“That’s not even the worst of it,” he said and hooked one finger into the collar of my shirt, pulling it off my shoulder and dipping down to leave a pair of kisses on the newly revealed skin. “You also sweat like crazy in your sleep,” he said between kisses. I laughed, equal measures mortified and amused. “And you do this thing when you’re mad-” he snorted before continuing, “where- honestly I think it’s the angriest face possible for you, but one of your eyebrows doesn’t move when you’re trying to glare,” he said, chuckling again. “I’m pretty sure you probably think it’s glaring too but it’s definitely not,” he said.
I pulled back from him.
“Wait, wait, when I do this?” I asked and peeled his face back from my shoulder so that he would look at me, giving him my best glare.
He bit his lip, stifling a laugh.
“Well, kind of, but,” he lifted his hands to my face, tracing the line of my brow, “you’re not actually angry right now so it’s fine. It’s only when you’re really angry- it’s like that one eyebrow just doesn’t get the memo,” he said and rubbed his thumb along my right eyebrow. “That’s the part of you that loves me the most, I think,” he said and pressed a kiss to it.
I laughed. “I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate,” I said.
“You don’t have to be because I am,” he said and nuzzled back into my neck, kissing down my throat and across my shoulder, then coming back to nibble at my clavicle.
I folded into myself and squirmed at the sensation, starting to push him away as I let out a helpless giggle and squeak, but it only encouraged him. He rolled himself onto me, trapping me entirely beneath his weight to sprinkle soft kisses and nibbles on my most sensitive accessible spots. Only when I finally stopped squirming beneath him did he let up and move to leave a trio of sweetheart kisses on my lips before nuzzling his cheek into my chest, tucking himself beneath my chin. He hummed contentedly as I readjusted a bit to better cradle him to me. I ran my fingers through his hair and bit my lip at the goosebumps that rose up his arms and the back of his neck. He shuddered off a shiver and I chuckled, running my hands over his back and holding him tight to me.
As charming and goofy as he was, I had not forgotten what we had just been talking about. Odds were that I would not forget about it until every single one of my fears was resolved, and the odds of that happening were close to nil in our current situation. There was a great seesaw in my mind and so long as Gojo and I were together on one side, balance would never be achieved. So long as Gojo and I were together on one side, everyone else was in danger.