Chapter Text
For the first time in nearly a decade, Lan Wangji had tea with his brother.
The Hanshi was exactly as he remembered it. Lan Xichen, like many in the Lan Sect, was a creature of habit and likely had not altered his persona; quarters since they had been rebuilt following the war. Yet, despite the familiarity, the room seemed cold and unwelcoming. Years of comfort and love had been forever tainted by the last conversation they had had before Lan Wangji seceded from the sect.
More than that, after years away, Gusu itself had become foreign to him. The Cloud Recesses had gone from being a home to being the blurry background of his childhood memories. The sight of the gates, which had once evoked safety and serenity, now only conjured nostalgia. Returning had been like stepping into the pages of a well-loved story. Everything was familiar but felt so incredibly distant.
It hurt a little, to lose that final hope of ever seeing the place as home again.
Lan Wangji brought the tea to his lips and let the subtle aroma fill his nostrils. He closed his eyes and felt the grief well up for just a moment before letting it go. He thought of Wei Ying, waiting for him in Caiyi. Of Sizhui on the road with Wen Ning and Lan Jingyi. Of the little cottage he had been living out of for the past three years.
He blew gently on the surface of the tea and took a sip.
‘Thank you again for spending this time with me, Wangji,’ his brother said warmly, but the smile on his face was tentative and his voice held a note of hesitation. That was another thing lost. The Lan Xichen of his past would never have needed reassurances that Lan Wangji desired his presence. He would know instantly one way or the other without requiring confirmation.
‘Of course.’ Lan Wangji answered, breathing out against the aching sting of loss.
He noticed his brother’s cup was empty and set to refilling it. As he held the teapot and carefully poured out the tea exactly as he had been taught as a child, it occurred to him that this was the first time he had served tea with this level of formality since he had left the sect. Formality and manners had little place on the road. It was a credit to his education, he reflected with some humour, that the muscle memory for tea pouring had persisted as long as it had.
‘Uncle said you spent some time in the library this afternoon. I hope you were able to find what you were looking for.’ Lan Xichen said, after thanking him for the tea.
‘Mn.’ He hadn’t actually been researching anything specific, but he had missed the pleasure of being surrounded by books. He wondered if his uncle knew that the time he had spent in the library was lost on reading poetry rather than cultivation treatises.
‘And, I expect you will want to see the rabbits. I have had the juniors care for them, in your absence.’
Lan Wangji inclined his head gratefully.
‘I must say, I’m impressed that Jingyi found you so rapidly. No one else has ever come close.’ His brother made no attempt to hide his curiosity.
‘Mn. He was lucky.’ To have stumbled across Wei Ying, Lan Wangji added silently.
Lan Xichen must have realised that he would get no further answer as he moved on. ‘Jingyi’s letter implied he would like to stay with Lan Sizhui a little longer, I hope that is no trouble.’
‘Not at all.’ Lan Wangji had rather liked Jingyi. ‘They’ll be night hunting together for the next few months.’ Wen Ning would be joining them, but once more, Lan Wangji decided that certain details would be best left unsaid.
His brother’s expression flickered for an instant. He was aware that something was being kept from him but unsure whether to push for more. The next instant, his face had smoothed back into his usual polite smile. ‘I’m glad. He missed him terribly.’
There was a silence as they both sipped their tea.
‘And you are sure you won’t stay?’ Lan Xichen asked quietly, not meeting his eye.
‘I’m sure.’
The answer was immediate and blunt. Lan Xichen sighed, saddened but not surprised.
Lan Wangji wondered then, if he would make a different decision had Wei Ying not returned. If he did not have a lifetime of travelling with Wei Ying to look forwards to. Would he return to the Lan sect, despite the cold looks and the unpleasant new strangeness of the Cloud Recesses?
Brother did not know about Wei Ying, he reminded himself, and had still not expected him to stay. Perhaps that was answer enough.
A silence settled between them once more, stretching out until it started chafing.
‘I can visit.’ Lan Wangji said, when it became untenable.
‘Please do,’ Lan Xichen answered quickly, but his eyes remained downcast. ‘I have missed you.’
He felt so diminished and unsure, to Lan Wangji’s eyes. Had he simply outgrown his brother? Lan Wangi had had to rediscover himself to fit into a new life of self-reliance where there was no older brother there to guard and guide him. The last few years had been terrible and difficult but also rich and wonderful and he had changed accordingly.
Or had Lan Xichen withdrawn in his absence? Lan Xichen, who had had to lead the Lan sect alone as he was progressively robbed of all those he had considered brothers. Lan Wangji had learnt of Jin Guangyao’s treachery through Lan Jingyi. He knew it would be weighing on his brother’s mind.
It suddenly felt terribly unfair that Lan Xichen would be alone, after everything.
‘Brother,’ he said intently, reaffirming their bond. ‘I will visit. And write.’
Lan Xichen’s eyes widened and a small, hopeful smile bloomed on his lips. ‘I would appreciate that,’ he said, ‘thank you.’
The silence returned but, this time, it was comfortable. Lan Wangji took another sip of his tea. He had missed this particular blend. Sadly, he had never been able to find it outside Caiyi. He hoped his brother would be willing to gift him some.
As he drank, Lan Xichen eyed him carefully, as if trying to remember the meaning behind his every expression.
‘Wangji. You are happy, aren’t you?’ He asked at last. ‘I had hoped that, even if you weren’t here with me, you had at least found a way to be happy.’
Lan Wangji smiled.
He remembered being desperate when he had left the Cloud Recesses. He remembered holding his child tightly as people hunted them from village to village. He remembered spending every waking hour agonising over how to get food for his son.
But that was then.
Now, Sizhui had grown to be a strong, thoughtful and kind young man. There was nothing in Lan Wangji’s life that brought him more pride. Now, the Heavens had seen fit to give him the greatest gift he could have ever imagined. Now, Wei Ying was here and they would be departing Gusu together.
‘Yes, Brother.’ Lan Wangji said, unable to convey even a fraction of his happiness. ‘I am.’