Chapter Text
Atsumu was still tucked up on the couch by the time Iwaizumi had finished making breakfast. Sakusa’s chest was pressed to his back, both legs hugging Atsumu into him, it was an odd set-up but neither Iwaizumi or Sakusa felt comfortable leaving Atsumu by himself. They hadn’t asked what exactly had happened just yet but they knew it wasn’t something anyone should have to struggle through alone, even if their company was only physical.
Oikawa still wasn’t home yet although they had waited for him all morning. Atsumu didn’t eat much of his food although to be frank neither did Sakusa. Sakusa got up so he could wash off their dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge so Iwaizumi took his spot, sitting instead beside Atsumu with an arm around his sagging shoulders.
If Atsumu could turn the clock back to the night before and re-do everything, anything, he’d trade anything to. And yet it seemed the planet wouldn’t stop for him and it wouldn’t change trajectory either no matter how much he wished, the sun still rose from the east in its own figurative way. The clocks still changed from 5:59 to 6:00 when that hour passed. The birds outside the balcony still chirped like it was the prettiest day they’d ever lived to see. All while Atsumu howled and wailed from his falling chest. How was it that that they could sing on a day where all he could feel was the twinge of fear in his gut and guilt in his mind.
-
Oikawa had been driving about aimlessly for hours. He didn’t even notice when the sun came up untl he was hours away from the house. The sun shined through his window almost bright enough to blind his eyes and their already decaying eyesight. It was close to poetic in nature; the beautiful rays and light casting warmth onto him from millions of miles away. Even from its distance Oikawa still felt himself reaching for the knob to turn up the air conditioning. For such a force to envelop him in his lonely seat, miles from anyone who would hug him until he couldn’t think, who would kiss his tears until he couldn’t cry anymore, miles away, here he was reviling in the comfort only the sun could give him, the same sun that was reaching his boyfriends all the same.
It wasn’t until he flipped open the sun visor to help him drive that he realized just what he was doing. He tried to pull out his phone but realized after a moment of fumbling and driving with the edge of his knees that he hadn’t brought it with him. He had been alone with only himself and his thoughts long enough to know there was only one place left for him to go back to even if he didn’t like the idea. They were his home. More than any house or parent could ever be for him, Hajime, Kiyoomi,.. Atsumu, they were his home.
In the first hour of driving he had spent an unusual amount of time at the stoplights he passed. Even once the light turned green he had spent more time considering how likely it was he would get hit if he turned into the opposing lane. And if he did.. Would he even die? And if he did how long would he be in pain for? For all the time Oikawa had spent dragging his shiny razor blade against his legs and crying silently from the pain it was all in his control. He controlled the pain. He couldn’t control where the blood would seap from as his body crushed in on itself, another’s car slamming into his own. And as ironic as it was, it was this idea of instability and lack on control that made Oikawa press through each intersection and continue driving.
By the third hour, the driving couldn’t sedate his thoughts any more. They started to plow through any reasonable plans he might have considered. They’ll be so disappointed in me. How could I be so selfish. Atsumu is the one who needs help. You just want attention Tooru shut up. Not everything is about you. You’re fine. Nothing is wrong. There’s no reason for me to be upset it the first place. It’s not like I’m being abused at home so why do I feel like this. Why couldn’t I just think. How stupid. Now they’re all going to be concerned. You’re worrying them right now too. Stupid selfish prick. Go home. GO HOME. Get out of your fucking head Tooru! Stop thinking. This isn’t helping anyone. I shuldn’t be feeling like this.
I need to go home.
Day had already made its appearance by this hour and Oikawa had long since turned the car around. With all his cruising he was a lot farther from their condo then he had expected however and it took a while to get home. Once he stood with his knuckles against the door for what was nearing on eight minutes. He didn’t have to make the decision for himself anyways it turned out:
“Right I’ll be back in a few—”
Iwaizumi swung the door open, sputtering to a stop when he registered the person in front of him.
Oikawa pushed down the turning in his stomach as his throat bobbed just a bit with the breath he had swallowed.
Iwaizumi embraced him without a moment’s thought. He clung to his shoulders like he felt the man would dash if he ever let go.
Sakusa registered the pause from down the hall at his place on the couch.
“Hajime? You good?”
Iwaizumi sniffled a bit from his spot, not having the mind to even respond. Once Sakusa got up and stuck his head in the hallway far enough to see his two hugging boyfriends he sped over in an instant, Atsumu following at the rush in a bout of confusion.
“Tooru…” Atsumu muttered, stunned into place a few feet away from his boyfriends - now all hugging the discheveled yet beautiful man. Oikawa peeked up at Atsumu at the sound of his first name. It wasn’t weird just unusual for Atsumu to use his first name rather than one of many nicknames he had stockpiled. When the other two had finally nudged away enough for Atsumu to reach Oikawa they collapsed into each other’s arms, a series of I’m sorry’s splaying from both.