Chapter Text
And so here Oikawa was, sitting on his knees between the edge of the couch and the coffee table. Atsumu was to his right, sitting criss-cross, and Iwaizumi and Sakusa were kneeling in front of them on the other side of the table. It seemed almost interrogatory in nature even though Oikawa knew they were just confused and concerned. Even Atsumu was quiet at the moment.
Eventually, Iwaizumi spoke up first, “Okay we don’t want to pester either of you or push you to tell us something when you’re not ready but we do want to help you. Are you okay with telling us what happened, Tooru? .. Atsu?”
Oikawa couldn’t make eye contact with Iwaizumi. He was too ashamed and too scared to see the look on his face. Iwa was his best friend, regardless of their relationship he had and always would be. Atsumu was more fidgety than Oikawa but he was ready to talk more than him too.
“Yea. That’s fine. I can tell you… Is that okay Tooru?” Atsumu paused to ask, his eyes darting to the man beside him. Oikawa looked so closed off, his demeanor opposite to his usual. He didn’t respond right away. Atsumu nudged closer to Oikawa and gripped his wrist gently.
“Tooru?”
“Yea. Yea okay.” Oikawa said letting out a deep but crumpled breath and pulling his knees up to his chest to curl in on himself.
“Well, then I guess I’d better start from the very beginning.”
And he did just that. Atsumu traced his way back to the very beginning, right after Kiyoomi and Hajime left, when he picked up his phone to call his brother. He told them about the conversation and although a bit reluctantly he told them about the middle school reunion.
Sakusa cringed at Atsumu’s words, reeling back at the distasteful feeling in his stomach. He knew Atsumu didn’t have any friends in middle school other than Aran and Osamu but he still didn’t like hearing about how he was treated for so long. Iwaizumi seemed like he had something to say as well but he held back, gauging this wasn’t the climax of the story.
Atsumu recounted his breakdown and the night's events right up until the incident on the balcony. He hesitated once he realized what he had to tell them next. Oikawa sat still beside him, unmoving, like a carving of rock. Although, given that it was Oikawa, it was more like a posed porcelain doll. Atsumu had always been in awe of his beauty.
Iwaizumi and Sakusa, both still completely unaware of what Atsumu was going to tell them next, looked at Atsumu sympathetically. Sakusa seemed stunned, not in shock but just in guilt. He’d have given anything to be there to comfort Atsumu. To help him through this. He wished he was. A string of thoughts thread through his mind, he blew them away, leaving them scattered in piles to be later re-assembled. He knew this wasn’t what Atsumu needed right now. In light of that, he reached his hand over the table and laced his fingers with Atsumu’s until they laid delicately within each other, rubbing his thumb lightly against the back of Atsumu’s hand.
“Um. Okay. So then… me and Tooru were on the balcony. We… We started fighting”
Oikawa finally looked up at Atsumu at this part. Atsumu wasn’t going to tell them. He was going to skip right past what he was doing on the balcony ledge.
“Atsu.” Oikawa whispered, an edge of malice lacing his voice, everyone no doubt heard it.
“Kawa? Atsu, why were you fighting?” Hajime pleaded in a firm voice, standing out from the anxiety of whatever else there was to this already agonizing story.
“It. It got really bad. I- I wasn’t in the right headspace and I- I tried to.”
Atsumu started to break down. Tears spilled across his vision, shaking his already racing feelings.
“Jump”
Atsumu’s voice squeaked out, barely audible over the thrum of the AC kicking on. Across the table, Iwaizumi seemed stuck to his spot. Sakusa on the other hand was across the table in a flash, arms clinging around Atsumu’s shaking form.
Atsumu writhed against Sakusa’s chest, tears quickly staining his boyfriend’s shirt.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Atsumu muffled voice quickly died down, covered up by his ever-growing cries.
“It’s okay. It’s okay love. It’s not your fault.” Sakusa whispered to Atsumu, with his head tilted down his own tears soaked the older’s hair.
Iwaizumi jaw stuck in its place. How could… how could this happen? How could he let this happen? He was supposed to be the support, the strong one, right? And yet he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there. Iwaizumi had never been one to spiral but he certainly felt his thoughts doing a familiar loop. Trying to turn them off was a lot more difficult than he predicted which explained why his comment about just calming down to Atsumu at the beginning of their relationship was so idiotic. He had grown to be able to handle situations with Atsumu a lot better since but in the beginning he found he never knew what to say in high tension scenarios, and his adrenaline lead him to blurt things out. This happened a few times In the adjusting period that was their moving in together. Right now though, he thought he understood at least a little bit more than he did the day before.
Sakusa reached behind him with one arm, still hugging Atsumu tightly albeit awkwardly from across the table. Iwaizumi held his outstretched palm in his own hand. That’s right, Sakusa was probably shocked and terrified too. He wasn’t alone. Iwaizumi rubbed the heel of his spare hand against his eye as a way to cue his mind back to the present.