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Connor’s fingers plucked restlessly at the collar of Nick’s shirt as Nick pressed him against the wall with his body, kissing him softly. The action was typical of Connor, impatient and eager, and Nick smiled a little against his young lover’s lips. He could understand those reactions, after all. Several weeks later, and they were still catching up, still making up for lost time, for a year spent apart, and he couldn’t blame Connor for his impatience. There had been times when he was scarcely less impatient himself.
But tonight he wanted to take things slower. He was finally beginning to realise that Connor was his again, that he wasn’t going to be suddenly snatched away, and that this wasn’t all a dream.
Nick remembered the times he’d dreamt about Connor while he’d been stuck in that other timeline – the way Connor had been just out of reach, always slipping through his fingers. The feeling of hopelessness when Connor felt just that little bit further away every time Nick woke up.
As it turned out, those dreams had been somewhat prophetic. Nick had finally returned to his own timeline, and yet Connor had been further from him than ever, leaving Nick feeling more alone than he had done even a whole world away.
But Connor had come back to him, and Nick wasn’t going to lose him again.
“I missed you,” he breathed softly against Connor’s mouth. He’d said it before, but only when they were like this, wrapped in darkness and shadows, where no one, not even Connor, could see how much emotion accompanied the words. “So much.”
“I missed you, too.”
And Nick knew the words were true, despite everything that had happened since he got back, and he kissed Connor again, slow and sure, spending long moments exploring Connor’s mouth as he felt Connor return the favour. Connor’s hands were on Nick’s shoulders now, although their grip still betrayed some of his impatience, and Nick took pity on him.
“Come on,” he said. Pushing at Connor gently, they both moved away from the door and further into the room, and Nick reluctantly disentangled himself from Connor so he could switch on one of the lamps beside the bed.
The soft golden glow chased some of the shadows away, and revealed Connor standing at the foot of the bed, looking a little uncertain, although his gaze never left Nick.
“You all right?” Nick asked gently. “We don’t have to…” Nick was realising that Connor was his again, but it was occurring to him that Connor might not be so certain. That the younger man might be wondering if Nick would decide he couldn’t get past everything that had happened. That Connor wasn’t worth the heartache he’d suffered.
Which was ridiculous, of course.
“No, I want to,” Connor replied quickly. “I just…I missed you,” he said again. “And I want to show you how much.”
Nick couldn’t not kiss him again after a confession like that, and it was several more long moments before they broke apart again, panting softly.
“I know how much you did, Connor,” Nick said. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. And you don’t have to apologise any more,” he added pointedly.
Connor ducked his head a little, and Nick put two fingers under his chin to force it back up again.
“I mean it, Connor,” he insisted. “You don’t have to worry.”
Smiling lopsidedly, Connor nodded. “Okay.”
“Good.” Nick smiled back at him. “And now we’ve got that out of the way…”
He dropped another quick kiss on Connor’s lips, and then slowly started to push Connor’s jacket back off his shoulders, frowning when he discovered the waistcoat and t-shirt underneath it. “Always so many layers,” he grumbled fondly. “You don’t believe in making life easy, do you?”
Connor laughed slightly, and shrugged. “Sorry. I’ll get rid of them.” He started fumbling at the buttons, but Nick batted his hands away.
“No, I’ll do it. I kind of like the layers, really. It makes getting at what’s underneath them that much more special.”
Even in the dim light he could see that Connor was blushing at that, and Nick smiled. Connor was still Connor.
He got the waistcoat off, and then found his progress arrested as Connor took his turn, unbuttoning Nick’s shirt and dragging it off him. Unlike Connor, Nick wasn’t wearing layers, and there was only skin underneath the thin cotton. Nick sucked in a sharp breath when one of Connor’s hands brushed against his stomach, and then they both settled on his waist, just above his belt. He suddenly felt his cock, which so far had been taking a languid, if appreciative, interest in proceedings, sit up and take notice.
To cover his sudden rush of arousal, he took refuge in another grumble. “How come I’m suddenly wearing less than you?” he muttered at Connor. “I thought you were the one getting undressed.”
This time Connor was too quick for him, as he grasped the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off over his head. “There, now we’re equal,” he said, grinning impishly, although the expression turned into something rather more slack-jawed when Nick slid his arms around Connor’s waist and pulled them together.
“Part of me could happily stay like this all night,” Nick said quietly. “That part of me doesn’t need any more than this.”
“Well, I hope the part of you that wants more is in control right now,” Connor replied, sounding a little petulant.
Nick laughed and pressed a kiss to the corner of Connor mouth. “Don’t worry, it is,” he said reassuringly. He felt Connor move in his arms, pulling towards the bed, and he tightened his grip a little. “Wait,” he said in a low voice. “There’s something…I want…” He stumbled over the words, and silently cursed his nerves. Why was this so hard?
Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together and leaned even closer to Connor, so he could whisper directly into Connor’s ear. “I want…I want you inside me,” he said, and winced slightly at the bluntness of the request.
Connor had tensed abruptly in his arms, although the unmistakeable twitch of his cock belied his shock. “I know we’ve never done it…like that,” Nick continued hurriedly. “And thinking back, that was selfish of me. But you never asked, and I think I just assumed…”
“It’s kind of difficult to ask for something like that,” Connor interrupted him, drawing back slightly so he could look Nick in the face – although he seemed to be having a little trouble catching Nick’s eye. He smiled self-deprecatingly. “I wasn’t sure that it was something that you…”
“Wanted?” Nick finished for him. He frowned slightly. “I can see why you would have thought that,” he continued slowly. “And I’m sorry. Like I said, it was selfish. I should have asked you. Sometimes I forget that you’re…”
“Younger? Inexperienced?” Connor grimaced. “Well, you’re not completely wrong.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Nick protested. Then he thought for a moment. “Okay, maybe that’s a little what I meant,” he acknowledged. “But it’s true that I do forget that sometimes, and you should take that as a compliment.” He paused. “Still, you shouldn’t have been afraid to ask me. I wouldn’t have said no.”
Connor shivered a little at that, and tried to cover the reaction by rolling his eyes. “Well, I know that now,” he said. “But some things are just hard to ask for, you know?”
Nick nodded. He knew. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I should have asked you sooner. If you wanted to. Do you want to?” he added quickly, suddenly worried that he was assuming again. “Because we don’t have to…”
Connor rolled his eyes again, although Nick could tell his annoyance was more amused than anything else. “What do you think? Of course I want to! It just…well, I never have before. And anyway,” he looked at Nick sharply, “why now? Why are you asking now? I wasn’t…well, I wasn’t expecting it, that’s for sure.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot over the past year,” Nick replied. “About all the things I never said to you, all the things we’ve never done, and I suppose I realised that this was one of those things.”
“And you really want to? Because if this is just something you feel you have to do for my sake…”
“Now who’s questioning things too much?” Nick laughed. “Yes, Connor, I want to. I want you to.”
“Oh, okay.” Then Connor grinned again. “Cool.”
Now Nick was the one rolling his eyes. “Not the word I would have used,” he muttered.
But when Connor’s hands slid further round his waist, and his long fingers pushed under the waistband of Nick’s jeans, suddenly Connor’s choice of terminology didn’t seem quite so important any more.
“Okay, we really need to get this show on the road,” he murmured impatiently, and Connor laughed at him, but obligingly withdrew his hands and stepped back a little so they could divest themselves of the remainder of their clothes.
Dropping on to the bed, Nick turned on his front, and shuffled over until he could reach into the drawer in the beside cabinet, and fish out the small tube that lay within.
Connor’s sudden hesitation was palpable, and Nick looked over his shoulder to see the uncertain look on his face again. “Problem?” he asked as lightly as he could, trying very hard to keep his eyes on Connor’s, and not let them drop to Connor’s swelling cock.
“No.” Connor shook his head, his own attempts not to rake his eyes over Nick’s body rather less successful. “It’s just…well, I know the theory, obviously, but…”
“You’re a smart lad, you’ll figure it out,” Nick assured him. He decided the direct approach was called for, and rolled back on to his stomach. “Connor, please…”
The mattress dipped suddenly as Connor scrambled on to the bed, and Nick had to fight not to chuckle at his lover’s eagerness. But all desire to laugh suddenly evaporated when Connor’s hand (which was trembling slightly), stroked down his back and came to halt just above the swell of his buttocks. Nick sucked in a breath, very aware that he was now trembling himself. He really, really wanted this, but he couldn’t deny that, alongside the need and the want, there was a tiny bit of apprehension. It had been, well, longer than he wanted to admit to Connor since he’d done this, and he was nervous.
But he needn’t have worried. Connor seemed determined to treat him like glass, obviously remembering their very first time together, and wanting to return the favour. Maybe he was more perceptive than he was giving him credit for, Nick suddenly thought. Connor was intelligent – he would probably be able to put two and two together and work out that Nick hadn’t done this recently.
Connor’s hand stroked down his back again, and then again. Nick pillowed his head on his arms and relaxed a little. He wondered if this was how a cat felt when it was being petted. He allowed himself to revel in the feel of Connor’s touch, and not think too much about what was coming next.
Thus he started a little when a cool, slick finger suddenly slid down his crack and pressed against, and then gingerly into him.
But it stilled instantly when he moved.
“Tell me if it hurts,” Connor said hoarsely.
Nick shook his head quickly, although he couldn’t deny it felt slightly strange after so long an abstinence. “Don’t stop,” he said quietly.
He could almost hear Connor’s nod, and then the finger was pushing into him again, thrusting gently as Nick got used to the sensation.
Connor’s movements were slightly clumsy, and all the theory in the world didn’t help him find Nick’s prostate. But Nick was content to let Connor take his time, and he moaned in encouragement when one finger was replaced by two. He could almost picture the look of concentration on Connor’s face, although seeing it for real would have involved twisting his head round at too uncomfortable an angle.
It was more by luck than by judgement that Connor’s fingertips suddenly ghosted over the hard nub inside him, and Nick gasped as he felt that tingling warmth spread throughout his body to his toes, fingertips, and even to the roots of his hair.
“Okay, that’s enough, I’m ready,” he panted out, suddenly desperate to have Connor inside him. He needed it so badly he could taste it, needed to know that Connor was really there, that he wasn’t going to leave. The thought made him smile ruefully to himself, just for a moment. It seemed he wasn’t as certain of Connor’s presence in his life again as he’d thought.
“No,” said Connor seriously. “We’re doing this properly. I don’t want to hurt you, Nick.”
The use of his name sent a small thrill through Nick – it had taken Connor a while to unlearn the ‘Professors’ and ‘Cutters’ again, although Nick had understood at the time why he’d regressed to their use.
And then another thrill went through him as Connor pushed a third finger into him. He felt full, but not uncomfortably so, and even in his impatience he appreciated Connor’s care.
“I’m ready now,” he insisted, some moments later, and apparently Connor now agreed with him, as he suddenly pulled his fingers out, and shifted position on the bed.
“You’ll have to get on your hands and knees,” Connor said, his voice satisfyingly unsteady. “I might be young, but that doesn’t mean I’m that flexible.”
Nick chuckled at that, but didn’t hesitate to position himself as Connor had asked, feeling one of Connor’s hands settle on his hip to steady him.
Then he felt the head of Connor’s cock nudging at him, hesitantly at first, and then more firmly. Nick gasped as it breached him. It really had been too long, and although it felt good, there was no small amount of pain too, and for a moment he had to concentrate on just breathing.
Connor had obviously sensed that something was wrong, because he stilled, halfway inside Nick, his hand stroking soothingly along Nick’s back once again.
“Are you all right? I’ll stop, if you like.” His voice still shook, but now it was concerned too, and Nick shook his head quickly before Connor decided to be chivalrous and call a halt.
“No,” he said firmly. “Just…don’t be too rough, okay?”
“As if I would,” replied Connor, his voice gentle now. He hesitated for a few seconds longer, and then continued pressing into Nick’s body, not stopping until he was fully sheathed, and they were both breathing hard.
“Oh,” said Connor wonderingly. “That feels…amazing.”
Nick mentally echoed the sentiment. There was still an edge of pain, but being filled by Connor’s cock felt exquisitely good, like he was being anchored down and flying free all at the same time.
“Any time you like there, Connor,” he said, aiming for lightness, but hitting something rather closer to begging.
“What? Oh, yeah, sorry…”
Then Connor was moving, slowly, tortuously out of him, and then back in again, obviously taking Nick’s request for gentleness seriously, and clearly trying to find some kind of rhythm in his faltering, erratic, but oh so slow, thrusts.
It took an accidental, but in Nick’s opinion very lucky, shift of position by Connor for his cock to press against Nick’s prostate, but to Connor’s credit he was a very fast learner, and he correctly interpreted Nick’s low moan, keeping the angle of his thrusts the same until Nick’s whole body was trembling and he felt like his nerve endings were on fire.
His own cock was begging for attention, although he knew Connor wouldn’t have the coordination to do anything about it. “Wait, Connor,” he gasped out. “Wait just a moment.”
Connor groaned in protest, but he did stop his movements for long enough that Nick could brace himself more firmly against the mattress on his left forearm, and reach down with his right hand.
“Oh,” said Connor again. “Oh wow…”
“Connor,” Nick muttered through gritted teeth. “Please…”
Connor started to thrust again, and Nick tried to match his tempo as he slid his hand up and down his cock. He was perilously close to pitching into the pillows, but he couldn’t have stopped now if his life depended on it.
“Nick, I’m going to…god.”
“Don’t hold back,” Nick told him, impressed actually that Connor had lasted this long. “I want to feel it.”
A few more ragged thrusts, and then he could feel it. Could feel Connor coming inside him, and the idea that he might not ever have got to feel that, coupled with his hand desperately stroking his cock, had Nick coming too, Connor’s name ripped from his throat as he shuddered through his orgasm.
He hissed as Connor slipped out of him, and he was dimly aware of his lover flopping on to the mattress beside him, emitting a heartfelt groan of appreciation as he did so. Nick decided that was a very good example to follow, and did likewise, although he retained enough presence of mind to avoid the wet patch.
“That was amazing,” Connor said breathlessly.
“I think you said that already.”
“We are so doing that again.”
Nick chuckled. “You’ll get no arguments from me. You seem to have a natural aptitude for it.”
“Really?” Connor suddenly sounded uncertain, and Nick could practically hear the hopefully less cliched equivalent of “Was it good for you?” forming on his lips.
“Yes, really,” Nick confirmed. He turned on to his side and pulled Connor into his arms. “That was better than amazing.”
Connor looked faintly smug at that, and Nick had to laugh again. “Your genius doesn’t only apply to computers, apparently.”
“Wow.”
“Definitely wow,” Nick agreed. He pressed a kiss to Connor’s forehead, the only patch of skin he could easily reach at that moment. “I love you, Connor.”
The words slipped out unexpectedly, and Nick froze, feeling Connor doing the same. Then Connor was lifting his head from Nick’s shoulder, staring down at him with eyes that were wide, dark, and surprised.
“You…do?” he asked hesitantly.
He hadn’t quite meant to say it, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. “Yes,” said Nick. “Of course I do.”
He met no resistance as he pulled Connor down for a proper kiss. “I have done for a long time, I think,” he confessed against Connor’s lips.
“Oh.” Connor pulled back a little to look at him. “Me…me too,” he said. “Obviously.” He smiled then, a sweet, happy smile. “I love you, Nick.”
He snuggled back down against Nick again, and Nick felt himself smiling too. He was home, Connor was in his arms, and all was right with the world.