Chapter Text
Chapter 15: It ender when you said 'goodbye'
My darling Rita,
I remember now. I remember everything.
Please don’t hate me too much when you’ll find this just because it’ll mean I’ll be gone.
Time travel is a tricky thing, you know? It makes you forget, and when memories come back, it’s like a river in spate. I know why they’re here, the Sisterhood: to punish me. Hence, they’ve come for you, to stop some event that - I know for sure - has already happened and to avenge the consequences of it in a past that it’s long gone. They’re late, but I can’t be.
I know it will sound strange and confusing but I can’t explain it to you right now; you just have to know that I need to face them and keep them away long enough.
Come what may, I’ll make sure nobody threatens the way time has folded on itself to create this reality. It’s the only chance I have to protect you, and our future, if there’s still one… I hope I’m doing the right thing.
Love, Laura.
Humiliation and betrayal are the only things her brain could think of. She’d locked herself in her room because the thought of her friends laughing at her is unbearable: she can already hear them, their chorus of ‘I told you so’ and ‘Niles was right about her’ echoing in her head. She couldn’t bear Larry’s pitying her as he tried to console her - because he would try to console her - nor Jane’s plethora of insults and profanities she would certainly address her because Rita wasn’t ready to hear bad things about Laura, not yet, just like she wasn’t ready to face the fact that, after begging her family to accept her and give her a second chance, that woman had disappeared. This time, perhaps for good.
No matter how noble the reason, she’d lied to Rita and that was enough to confirm the pureness of her spirit. Laura wasn’t evil, she was sure of it, but, at the same time, she couldn’t deny that the promise had been broken.
Rita wondered how many more times she would have to endure such a fate. Even though it ached, she realized that her heart, too, was made of rubber, just like the rest of her body. Somehow, like any other time, it would make the agony of being left alone bounce back just as easily as her body repelled bullets.
She would be fine. In the end, she always was.
And yet, nothing else had burned like this. No others had ever left such a void in her soul. In the past, she’d tried to fill the emptiness with food, using the excuse of her body needs, and she would’ve used the same method right now, even just to feel some sort of relief, if she wasn’t feeling so sad that even the thought of food made her nauseous, her stomach constricted into a tight knot of resentment.
Still, the hate she knew she should feel for Laura, never bloomed.
It was late at night when she padded outside her room.
She couldn’t bear to stay there anymore, surrounded by memories, laying in the unmade bed that smelled of her; she’d crumpled up the red blanket and the letter and shoved them into the drawer, hoping it would be enough to lock the memory away if she couldn’t see those.
It didn’t work: everything else reminded her of Laura. There wasn’t a single object that didn’t awaken something in her head about her - her smile, the blue of her eyes, the way her hair curled upon her shoulders, how she enjoyed teasing her and making her frustrated, how they found any excuse to have sex even, or indulge in some mischievous touch whenever they could.
The wind whispered her name. When it shook the trees outside the manor, it resembled the broken whispers and the unspoken words they mouthed against each other’s ears. A dream - that was what it felt like, remembering Laura - and now Rita had been forced to wake up.
Venturing in the library, she flickered the light on and walked to the mantel. She shivered, and wrapped the robe tighter around her body; that too smelled of Laura, but there was nothing of hers that didn’t smell like her, at that point.
She drew in a shaky breath and reached for her secret box. The throttle was there, the black and white feather, the marble; her box of memories that looked so stupid now, a cheesy gesture of a hopeless romantic that still lived in another era, and got fooled masterfully like one of those silly girls of her times.
Laura had shown she was much more than that, but now that Laura was gone and, with her, all the lies she’d fed Rita, the redhead wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. Was there actually something she could do?
She wasn’t yet ready to forgive Laura for leaving her, nor for breaking their promise, but could she help her? Not chasing her down somewhere unknown, of course, since the Sisterhood would certainly be hiding somewhere and Laura hadn’t left any hit behind her, perhaps fearing somebody of them would go after her, but maybe - maybe - there was something she could do to prevent all of this…
What if she found out the reason why Laura had to come here in the first place? What if she found out why Niles had so much spite towards her? Maybe she could stop Laura from punishing herself and decide to act so heroically when she didn’t have to. After all, experience had taught her that together, they were always stronger. Laura didn’t need to protect her family, she needed her family. And maybe Rita, if she knew the truth, could make her see that clearly… before all of that even happened. Maybe Rita could stop her before doing anything stupid.
She took out the throttle and weighted it with her hand. She closed the lid and put it back into its original place on top of the mantle, staring at it for a solid minute. Rita knew it would’ve been only a fruitless attempt to lock everything away: the marble, the memories, everything that reminded her of Laura - but it was only temporary - she had the power to change everything.
Yes, it was true: once again, Rita was left alone. But, maybe the first time, she wasn’t about to sit back - she who had prayed for a chance to prove her worth, to do something good for a change, would’ve let Laura fight alone while she complained and cried over spilled milk? No, she needed to fix things. Rita was the only one who could actually do something important, taking the matter into her own hands. After all, she was the only one who could do it: Laura was her responsibility.
Yes, she needed to make things right.
For Laura, because she was proving herself to be good and selfless, ready to risk her life to protect Rita and the others; Rita owed her the same. Laura deserved happiness. She deserved a fulfilling life, a purpose, a world from which she shouldn’t be forced to leave in the first place, no matter the reason.
She gripped the throttle so hard her hand started to ache. Flicking the lights of the library off, she marched downstairs and into the warehouse under the manor.
Rita hurried in the basement, the throttle firmly grasped in her fist, and stopped right in front of the time machine. With a little sigh, she put the throttle back where she’d found it and tried her best to tighten the bolts that looked loose.
It was almost ironic how her hand automatically found the old radio, craving for some silly songs to fill the deafening silence. The memory flashed: Laura and herself dancing and laughing and drinking and singing as they tried to fix something that couldn’t be fixed.
The song that started to play brought immediately tears to her eyes.
I wake-up in the morning, and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does
Rita forced herself to breathe. She slipped the jumpsuit on, zipping it up to her neck. Throwing a last glance outside at her life, she crouched into the little door and closed it behind her. Sighing, the music barely muffled, she turned some levers and pushed buttons, trying to set the machine with some logic that, at the moment, was just slipping her mind; she didn’t really know what she was doing and, at the same time, she felt she knew, somehow.
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
When it was the time to set the date, Rita had no hesitation when choosing the time: two years prior to when it all started, from the moment that infamous letter was written and doomed the rest of their lives for good - they were connected, it was stupid to keep thinking otherwise; perhaps, if she was lucky, she could even prevent Laura from taking the wrong decision that started it all. Perhaps her purpose was to save Laura, do something so selfless to sacrifice even her own happiness. Was she ready to do it for Laura? Rita swallowed and finalized the date, pushing the button that made the machine shake and whirl.
Yes, she was ready. It didn’t matter if she’d messed up the whole timeline, it didn’t matter if it meant never meeting her in the future. As long as Laura was safe. As long Laura would be able to find her own happiness… even without Rita by her side.
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
It ended when you said, “Good-bye”
She took a deep breath and stared at the little monitor that read her destination: Iowa, 1941.