Please read chapter notes for detailed warnings

A Different Shade Of Love

Before Alec had met Magnus he hadn’t really thought much about sex. He had known early on that he was gay. Not so much because he sexually desired men, but because he had found that it was men, he felt drawn to. However, he also knew that a future with a male partner was forbidden by the Clave. That his feelings were outlawed. So, he had more or less closed down any thoughts or considerations on that matter. Why even consider sex when he was sure he would never be in a position to be with a male partner in a romantic way anyway? Better to not even go there.

Meeting Magnus had changed that. It had changed everything. Alec had been drawn to him at once. His confidence, his humor, his wisdom, his power, and his strength made Alec admire him. Magnus’ vulnerability that he hid under makeup, outfits and a playful outgoing personability awoke Alec’s own protective instinct and made him feel better about being vulnerable himself.

Alec had not been in doubt Magnus was handsome and desirable when they had started dating, he hadn’t doubted that sex would be a part of their relationship. It was just a given from what he saw in the heterosexual relationships around him and from what Izzy and Jace told him. He had never even kissed anyone before Magnus, but had thrown himself out there, eager for the connection he felt kissing could bring. He had quickly found that he liked the kissing, holding hands and snuggling. It made him feel appreciated and cared for.

The sex had been a bit different. He hadn’t doubted that Magnus enjoyed it; sex in general and with him. The pure physical activity and element of it was important to him just as much as the emotional connection that the aftermath gave. Alec had assumed if they just tried more times and different things eventually, he would love it for its physical element as much as Magnus did. However, as time passed Alec realized what he liked about sex wasn’t sex itself but doing something for Magnus; feeling he was being good and he was bringing Magnus joy and pleasure. He didn’t really care for Magnus ‘returning the favor’.

Intimacy wasn’t really easy for Alec. Having grown up with a distant and judging father and a cold and punishing mother, he found it hard to open up, to give up control. He had spent his whole life trying to be a good son and a good soldier, following orders, and expecting a punishment for doing poorly. He hadn’t really known how to voice what he needed to unwind and relax. However, even he was aware that being intimate with Magnus in any way and form meant he had to learn that. Even when they were alone, just the two of them, Alec would resort to standing at parade rest before his partner, awaiting in instruction…something. Something to help him know how to do this right; how he could possibly express what he felt for Magnus, how much he loved him. Sometimes he felt like he might explode with his feelings for Magnus simply because he didn’t know how to properly channel them, what to do with himself.

Here Magnus’ hundreds of years of experience came in handy….again. Alec found it a lot easier to allow himself to feel relaxed, to let go, to unwind and feel joy if Magnus told him what to do, how to make him happy…and praise him every time he did well. Giving Magnus something he wanted, something he enjoyed, and being praised for a good job afterwards made Alec happier than he could truly express. It was like a bubbling feeling of joy in his chest that was without equal and truly intoxicating.

However, even within the confines of orders and praise Alec started to realize he still didn’t get any physical release or satisfaction out of sexual activities; only a purely emotional one. He would happily do anything for Magnus and found great joy in pleasuring him. However, whenever Magnus wanted to do the same for him, to bring him the same physical pleasure he had given Magnus…Alec couldn’t teach himself to enjoy it.

Alec attached this problem, as he saw it as, the same way he always did. He blamed himself and thought maybe something was wrong with him. He practiced, focused and tried again and again. But the result was still the same.

Alec had thought long about how to handle the situation. A part of him wanted to keep pretending to enjoy it because Magnus seemed to like giving him physical pleasure. He wanted to please Magnus and that was more important that his feelings on the matter. He didn’t even know how to describe his feelings or what was doing on so why burden Magnus with it?

However, something made him pause and reconsider his normal self-sacrificing route. He recalled how adamant Magnus had been that he was honest about his needs and boundaries. In particular when they started doing scenes together. Magnus had made Alec swear he would use his safeword when needed and that he would make his boundaries known. Sometimes, he knew those boundaries after they had tried something and sometimes, he knew right away. However, except with this Alec had always come to Magnus and explained how he felt as Magnus had asked him to. Despite Alec being worried that him saying no to something would make Magnus love him less, care for him less, Magnus never did. In fact, Magnus was always so happy and proud of him when he clarified his boundaries, praising him. From the start Alec had been amazed with how Magnus loved him; how much he truly cared. It wasn’t something he had been used to, but he was soaking it up like a cat in the sun.

Therefore, while Alec was still afraid, he could and would scare away Magnus with his needs and desires, Magnus had so far never let him down. It was hard to undo a childhood of trauma, but Alec realized that love had to be about trust more than anything else. He had to trust that Magnus truly meant it when he said he cared for what he wanted just as Magnus had trusted him when Alec had said what made him happy was doing what Magnus told him to do. That within the confines of his command Alec felt the safest and the happiest. If Magnus could trust in that, then Alec had to trust that Magnus meant what he said as well.

Despite coming to the conclusion, he had to approach the topic with Magnus, Alec had still hesitated. He had to find the right time, the right moment. In his desire and need to get even this, the talking to Magnus, right, Alec got more and more frustrated that no moment so far seemed good enough. Once more, Magnus came to his rescue, almost knowing him better than Alec knew himself.

They were sitting out on the balcony of Magnus’ loft together, enjoying a drink after dinner. The weather was nice and mild, the sun was slowly setting, and the skyline was painted red and orange. It was a nice and relaxing evening. They had talked a bit about their day and their friends, before it was Magnus who decided to comment on what he had felt had become an elephant in the room. Magnus had felt Alec had been worrying about something for a while now. He had been waiting for Alec to say something but so far, he hadn’t. So, the Warlock had decided he might need a bit of reassurance, a small push, to get the ball rolling.

“You look thoughtful,” Magnus observed after taking a sip of his cocktail, giving Alec a questioning look. When Alec avoided his gaze, he put a calming hand to his arm on the table as he added, “Everything ok, darling?”

“Yes, of course,” Alec quickly assured him, looking at him as he flashed a warm but slightly nervous smile.

“I’ve had the feeling you’ve been wanting to talk to me for a while now. You know you can tell me anything, right?” Magnus assured him.

Alec relaxed; unaware he had tensed up.

“I am starting to, yes,” Alec admitted softly, giving Magnus a real smile this time.

“I know you grew up expecting love to be earned. That you felt you weren’t good enough. But you never have to prove anything to me. I just want you to be happy. I love you,” Magnus said honestly, his voice warm and his eyes filled with tenderness.

As always Magnus hit the nail on the head, putting everything on the table the way only he could whenever he chose to of course. Magnus’ words and the fact Alec knew Magnus meant them, made Alec feel warm all over. He had seen Magnus prove his claim of love again and again, in big and small ways. He had nothing to be afraid of; Magnus would never let him down. Just as he would never let him down. He could say how he felt; Magnus would never abandon him for the honesty he himself asked for. Alec’s heart swelling with joy and wonder that he could call this amazing man his.

“I love you too,” Alec replied emotionally as he leaned in, giving Magnus a warm and loving kiss.

When the kiss ended Magnus leaned back in his chair, giving Alec a warm look before he took another sip of his drink.

“So….tell me whatever it is that has been on your mind lately,” Magnus encouraged.

Alec took a sip of his own drink to buy himself time and build up the courage to explain how he felt. It wasn’t Magnus he doubted. In fact, he had never doubted him. It was himself.

“Well…Do you remember when you told me that Raphael was asexual?” Alec asked thoughtfully, warming up to the topic, playing with his glass to calm himself and structure his thoughts.

“Yes, of course,” Magnus replied.

He remembered the conversation well and how interested and yet also confused Alec had been by Raphael’s sexuality. As Alec had grown up in an extremely closeted and repressed society that Idris was, he had barely been able to register with himself he was gay. Any other sexual orientations or variations of such had been completely unknown and foreign to him. Everyone around Alec had been in heterosexual relationships and while being homosexual was known it was also forbidden. Therefore, Magnus’ explanation about Raphael had been Alec’s first introduction to the concept of asexuality.

“And that I hadn’t heard of it before?” Alec went on, sure Magnus recalled as the talk about Raphael had started a week long talk about relationships and sexuality, opening up a much bigger and wider world for Alec had he had ever known.

Magnus nodded, remembering that he had been surprised about that and yet also not, given that he knew well how repressed Idris was. Magnus was more and more seeing where Alec might be going with this. He recalled when Raphael had come out to him as asexual and how worried he had been that Magnus wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t be there for him any longer. It had taken him many conversations to finally ensure the vampire knew he had nothing to be afraid of. He was therefore focused on ensuring Alec understood that he would never judge or stop loving him.

He gave Alec a reassuring smile.

“Do you think you may be asexual?” Magnus asked calmly.

Alec was both a bit taken back and relieved by the direct question.

“No. Yes. Maybe?” Alec replied, a bit frustrated. He did a handwave as he admitted, “I am not sure how to label what I feel.”

Magnus saw Alec’s distress and quickly found his hand, giving him a loving smile and squeezing his hand in comfort. Alec calmed down at once by the loving gesture.

“Ok. That’s completely fine, darling. Whatever you feel is valid,” Magnus assured him. When Alec gave him a warm and relieved smile and looked at him, Magnus continued, “And we don’t need to label anything. Whatever you want or don’t want is all that matters to me.”

“Thank you,” Alec said, reassured and once more overwhelmed by the purity in Magnus’ love for him, hoping that Magnus knew his own love in return was just as pure and unwavering.

For a moment they shared in the warm and loving moment, both smiling. Then Magnus had to fight a frown, starting to wonder and worry, what Alec had learned about himself recently, eager to hear it so he could change his own behavior to respect it.

“But can you explain to me what you are ok with? And what you’re not? I need to know so I can act accordingly. I don’t want to do something you are not comfortable with,” Magnus asked, giving Alec an honest look filled with care and concern.

Alec was thoughtful for a moment, trying to find the right words, seeing the worry and concern in Magnus’ eyes and wanting to ease it. He wasn’t good with words, but this was important for them both, he knew that.

“Well, I know you said Raphael doesn’t like to kiss or anything like that but it’s not like that for me. I like when we kiss, snuggle, hug, hold hands…things like that,” Alec reassured him, starting with the obvious and easy statements first.

“Ok. Good,” Magnus said, relieved to hear that.

It was things they did daily, and Magnus would have sworn Alec enjoyed those things a lot. While Magnus knew Alec had a self-sacrificing streak that rivalled most he had known in his long life, he was getting better at seeing when Alec was doing something for others he enjoyed doing or he was doing it despite not enjoying it.

While Magnus understood that all sexual experiences were new to Alec and it was understandable it could take him time to figure himself out, Magnus didn’t like to think they had done something Alec wasn’t fond of. He was therefore eager to hear everything Alec had to say to ensure going forward it would be with these new discoveries about himself that Alec had made.

“I will keep doing those things then,” Magnus added with a warm smile, leaning in and claiming Alec’s lips in a tender kiss.

When the kiss ended, they were both beaming with joy.

“I wouldn’t want to lose that. Ever,” Alec quickly reassured him, taking his hand in his.

“You won’t, darling, but I don’t want to do things you are not comfortable with,” Magnus repeated, smiling calmingly at him as he gave his hand a warm squeeze. “So can you elaborate a bit more on what you are not ok with?”

Alec nodded at that, again searching for ways to put his feelings into words.

“I…I don’t feel ok doing sexual things outside of scenes,” Alec admitted quietly, looking down as he fought a blush as he said it.

Despite having been together for months Alec still felt shy and uncomfortable talking about sex…well, it was something Magnus had told him to do which of course just illustrated the truth of his statement.

“I’ve suspected that given that you’ve steered us towards scenes almost exclusively since we started doing them,” Magnus replied, not that surprised to hear that.

“The times we have tried it outside of scenes I’ve felt….” He paused as he added quickly, giving Magnus a worried look, “But we could try again. I can try and be more active, take more initiative or… or do other stuff. More stuff.” Alec shrugged a bit helplessly as he offered, “Maybe I will feel differently.”

Magnus shook his head at him, seeing and feeling on Alec how he was starting to spiral, to panic.

“We don’t need to try more times, Alexander. It is not for you and that’s fine,” Magnus calmed him with, giving him a warm smile.

“Ok,” Alec said softly as he took a deep and calming breath, nodding as he gave a small smile.

“I enjoy sex in many different ways. I’m fine with only doing sexual activities within scenes. I just want to do things we both get something out of,” Magnus assured him.

Alec gave him a grateful smile at that, again amazed by how accommodating Magnus was. It made him feel a bit self-conscious. He wasn’t used to others being this into what he liked, what he wanted. In fact, Magnus was the first person who had ever asked him those things. Everyone else had just told him what they wanted, given orders or missions.

“I’m sorry I am so difficult,” Alec said apologetically, looking down as he bit his lower lip.

“You are not difficult, darling,” Magnus assured him strongly. “First of all, I enjoy our scenes together. I am as proud to be your Dom as I am to be your boyfriend. If not I liked that aspect of our lives, I would not have suggested it as a way for you to relax and enjoy yourself, to let go.”

“Good,” Alec replied, giving him a shy and relieved smile. He paused for a moment before he went on, his voice emotional, soft but sure, “I am proud to be yours in all ways too. I like the safety being yours like that bring me.”

Magnus smiled at hearing that.

“You are just getting to know yourself. I know in Idris no one talks about sexual orientation, and you were a virgin when we met. It’s ok to need time to figure yourself out. It doesn’t change my feelings for you,” Magnus said firmly, giving Alec an affectionate look.

Alec nodded, calmed once more by his reassurances.

“I always knew I was gay; I can see the attraction in men, but I don’t feel a sexual desire. I thought I would, but I just don’t. Sometimes my body may respond but it is like I am not there with it. In my mind like that I mean,” Alec admitted, frustrated with his inability to explain the complexity of his feelings.

“That’s also fine,” Magnus promised him.

While Magnus was eager to get more details on Alec’s statement, he let Alec explain what he felt, what he needed, in his own time, trying hard not to jump to any conclusions.

“Are you sure you are ok with all of this?” Alec asked directly, giving him a worried look.

He was starting to feel like he was not explaining any of this well nor did it sound very…well, easy. Izzy and Jace they seemed to have such an uncomplicated and direct relationship with sex. He was a bit envious of that.

“Of course, I am,” Magnus said at once, not even in doubt.

Alec smiled at that, again getting the courage from Magnus’ unwavering support to go on. He took a sip of his drink, trying to drown out his own insecurities.

“What I feel seems so complicated compared to other people. Does that make me…wrong?” Alec asked in a low voice, looking down into his drink.

“Of course not! Never!” Magnus denied hotly. He tugged at Alec’s hand, making him look at him. The love Alec saw in Magnus’ face hit him almost like a physical blow. “It makes you, you and you’re perfect the way you are.”

Alec melted at that, his expression softening and his eyes watering, “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too,” Magnus replied, smiling as Alec took his hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. Magnus took a sip of his drink before he postulated, “Labels are generalizations. It is not a one fit all. There are nuances. I see it more as a spectrum than a clear yes or no thing.”

“Truly?” Alec asked hopefully.

Magnus nodded and smiled, “Truly.”

They held hands and sat in a comfortable silence for a moment.

“About our scenes…” Alec began quietly after taking another sip of his drink.

“Yes?” Magnus prompted, giving him an encouraging look.

“Just to make it clear….I would like to still scene with you,” Alec said almost shyly, giving him a worried look, afraid maybe Magnus had thought differently.

“I would like that too,” Magnus said, smiling fondly at him. He gave him a measuring look, trying to guess Alec’s concern, trying to help him voice it.

“Good,” Alec said with a fond smile.

“Submission does not need to be sexual. I can add more nonsexual activities,” Magnus suggested, guessing this might be where they were going. He paused as he added honestly, seeing in Alec’s eyes his worry for what he would think of that, “I would enjoy those scenes too.”

Alec sighed relieved. He wouldn’t want them to do something that they didn’t both get something out of. Just as he thought that he smiled inwardly as he knew that was how Magnus felt too.

“I would like that too.”

As Alec still had a hard time saying what he wanted and needed Alec had started to signal if he wanted to scene by wearing the collar Alec had brought for him. It was a small and soft black leather collar with Magnus’ initials in small golden letters. Alec loved the comfort of wearing it when he wanted to do a scene and Magnus loved seeing him wear it. If Magnus wanted to do a scene, he would ask Alec at a time he felt was private and comfortable, so Alec could easily say no if he wasn’t in the mood.

“Me asking you and you wearing your collar to signal when you want to do a scene I feel works well. Does that still work for you?” Magnus asked, just to be sure they were on the same page.

“Yes,” Alec nodded, giving Magnus a fond look. He had found that Magnus was as considerate a Dom as he was a partner, always checking to be sure he was ok with what they were doing.

Alec paused before he admitted, a bit embarrassed by the fact, “I like not having to voice what I want.”

“I know, darling, but we do need to have this conversation so that I can give you what you want and avoid things you don’t,” Magnus replied firmly, giving him an understanding look and squeezing his hand in comfort.

Alec nodded, knowing he was right. He was thoughtful for a moment, fighting to find the words to give Magnus what he needed.

“I like to pleasure you, make you happy,” Alec admitted, giving Magnus a fond look. At Magnus’ raised eyebrow Alec knew he had to get more specific. It was easy to think of an example for there was something he really loved to do for Magnus, “I like to give you a blowjob for example.”

“I like that too,” Magnus assured him, feeling himself getting hard just thinking about Alec on his knees, eagerly giving him a blowjob. “Can you explain more? For example, can I touch you back?”

“Well, I like when you hold my hair and stuff,” Alec said with a slight blush.

Magnus nodded in understanding, knowing that Alec enjoyed the submission in the gesture. However, he still needed to know if he enjoyed the sexual aspect if it.

“How about getting a blowjob then?”

“That’s the reason I hesitated telling you all of this,” Alec admitted, frowning in worry, “I like to do things for you, to make you happy. To give you pleasure. But I don’t want you to return it.”

Magnus gave him a warm and reassuring smile. Alec’s pleasure in pleasing people he loved, himself most of all, was something Magus had quickly noticed about him. Not only in their scenes together but in their relationship overall. Alec loved to make Magnus smile and Magnus loved the way Alec smiled in return.

“Just to be sure I understand you correctly; you want to keep doing scenes with nonsexual elements but also add some sexual elements sometimes, but the sex should only focus on me?” Magnus said slowly.

Alec nodded, “Yes.”

Magnus nodded at that, making Alec once more feel better at trying to explain all of this.

“Ok,” Magnus said, thinking out loud as he went on, “So, you are fine with giving me a blowjob, but you don’t want me to touch you sexually?”

Alec hesitated but only for a second. The love and care in Magnus’ expression said it all.

“No,” Alec admitted.

“Do you want to come at all during our scenes?” Magnus asked directly.

Alec looked down for a moment before he replied, his voice a soft mumble, embarrassed to be speaking about it like this, “I don’t want it to be an element of it; no.” He took a sip of his drink that he had been looking at, before he went on thoughtfully, “I find my pleasure in pleasing you, submitting to you. Not in a sexual release.”

“Ok. I understand. That’s fine, darling,” Magnus reassured him.

His voice was so filled with warmth and care that Alec felt ok looking at him again. They shared a warm look as Magnus took a sip of his cocktail and Alec did likewise.

“How about penetration?” Magnus asked, wanting to make sure they had very clear lines before moving forward.

Magnus had early on in their relationship realized that Alec didn’t enjoy taking sexual initiative and had only done it a few times because he felt he had to, that it was what he was supposed to do. That meant that despite Magnus’ encouragement that they could try and switch positions, Alec had never wanted to. While he loved being inside Alec, Magnus was also completely fine with never doing it again if it wasn’t something Alec truly enjoyed.

“As long as it is still about you. I love that connection, the claim, the belonging I feel when you are inside of me,” Alec said after fighting down his shyness and thinking it over carefully.

“Ok. I think I understand a bit better now,” Magnus said, making Alec smile relieved.

Magnus tried to think if he needed to know anything else in order to be able to set up a good next scene for Alec. One more thing came to him.

“We’ve talked before about you prefer not to be very verbal during scenes. Is that not very verbal or not verbal at all?”

They had experimented during scenes with Magnus asking Alec questions during scenes; mainly if he wanted more or enjoyed it. While Alec had always answered in the positive as he did both enjoy it and want to do more of whatever task Magnus had given him, the questions brought him out of his headspace. He enjoyed doing things for Magnus so having to answer about his own pleasure shifted his focus to something he didn’t want it to be.

“Outside of my safe words I don’t want to have to say much at all,” Alec admitted, blushing a bit as he said it as he felt it sounded a bit odd. He gave Magnus’ nearest knee a warm squeeze as he added with a warm but shy smile, “I do love when you talk though.”

Magnus laughed at hearing that last bit, making Alec smile widely.

“Good because I enjoy talking,” Magnus said with a teasing wink, taking a light tone to make Alec feel more at ease and lighten the mood.

“I like when you praise me, say I am good, doing well, that it feels good for you, that you like it,” Alec quickly added, eager for those things to continue being a part of their scenes.

“I like that too,” Magnus reassured him, leaning in for a kiss.

“So, keep it to that? No sexualized comments, even when you are doing something sexual for me?” Magnus summarized.

Alec nodded, “Yes.”

“Ok. I think I got all of that. Anything else?” Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head, “No.” He hesitated but then asked quietly, biting his lower lip nervously once more, giving Magnus a shy look, “But isn’t this all very weird and….well, wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, darling,” Magnus said decisively, squeezing his hand firmly and warmly. When Alec relaxed a bit, smiling at his reassurance, Magnus went on, “This is how you feel, this is what you enjoy doing. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Alec nodded, relieved to hear that but still worried if this was something Magnus truly wanted.

“When you met me, you didn’t expect me to be so…weird. You were surprised I was a virgin,” Alec reminded him, giving him a concerned look.

“I was surprised, yes, but that doesn’t mean I mind it. I just needed to adapt to it,” Magnus explained, giving Alec a calming look.

“I could try again. Try more stuff with you. Maybe I’ll change my mind,” Alec offered, even though he was sure that it wouldn’t happen.

“You don’t need to do any of that, Alexander,” Magnus said with absolute certainty. He gave him a fond look before he went on, “You have done the right thing. You have told me what you like and don’t like. Whatever label we put on your desires doesn’t matter to me. I care about making you happy.”

Alec smiled fondly at that before he asked, “And I care about your happiness. Surely this is just too restrictive and odd for you?”

Magnus shook his head at hearing that.

“Not at all. I’ve done scenes with others which were purely nonsexual. I’ve also done scenes with subs who, like you, didn’t seek to get sexual pleasure themselves out of a sexual scene. We are all different. Nothing wrong with that,” Magnus said firmly.

“Ok, if you say so,” Alec finally said, still a bit worried if Magnus was truly ok with this type of relationship but trusting him to be honest as Magnus did with him.

“I say so,” Magnus said firmly. He put a hand to Alec’s neck and pulled him close, looking deeply into his eyes as he went on tenderly, “I love you, Alexander.”

They shared a warm and passionate kiss that left them both breathless.

“I love you too,” Alec replied softly, smiling as brightly as a sun.

They spend the rest of the evening holding hands, kissing and when they went to bed, they snuggled close. They both felt lighter and happier after their conversation, feeling fortunate that they had found a partner who they could be honest and open with, whom they could share all parts of themselves with.

*******************************

A few days passed before their next scene. Sometimes it was Magnus that would suggest a scene but often it would be Alec, using his nonverbal clue to tell Magnus what he wanted and needed.

It was evening and Alec had arrived home before Magnus. The Warlock had had a late client and was eager to return home and hold Alec in his arms.

Magnus was a bit surprised when he entered the loft and Alec wasn’t there at once to greet him, knowing from their talk this morning that he should already be home.

“There you are, darling,” Magnus commented, smiling warmly, when he entered the living room and saw Alec coming towards him from their bedroom.

Magnus’ smile widened and his eyes took on a special glow, his cat eyes briefly appearing when he saw what Alec was wearing. He had changed into a loose hanging black sweater and sweatpants and was wearing his collar, his eyes having taken on that slightly cloudy look they would take whenever he was getting into his headspace.

“Magnus,” Alec said softly, giving him a warm kiss when he reached him, his arms around him.

Magnus tightened his own arms around his Nephilim, deepening the kiss. When the kiss ended, they were both breathing heavily.

“You found your collar I see,” Magnus commented, stroking the collar around Alec’s neck affectionately.

Alec leaned into the touch, a smile playing over lips. When Magnus removed his hand and made a hand gesture to indicate the floor next to him Alec quickly knelt before him. Alec took a deep and calming breath, sinking more into his headspace.

Magnus looked down at Alec, feeling his heart swell and his body start to respond to the graceful submission he was being given.

“You’re so good for me. Doing so well,” Magnus praised, stroking Alec’s hair tenderly.

Alec didn’t move but Magnus could have sworn he could feel his joy at the praise in the air. Whatever had happened today Magnus knew Alec needed this, needed to let go, to be taken care of, to stop thinking, stop making decisions. To know he could do a task, do it well, succeed, be praised. They could talk about Alec’s day later; for now Alec needed this and so did he.

Magnus decided to start the scene with giving Alec small tasks that he knew would help calm him. Sorting the books by color and alphabetically, getting him a drink as he sat in his favorite chair. Each task Alec completed flawlessly, silently, and beamed with joy when Magnus praised him every step of the way.

After the different tasks and been completed, Magnus felt Alec was calmer, more into his headspace, and decided to move things along.

“Come here, darling, kneel by my chair,” Magnus ordered when Alec served him his drink.

Magnus took a sip of the drink, smiling approvingly at Alec to let him know he was enjoying it.

Alec smiled back and quickly did as ordered, sitting right next to Magnus. Alec loved sitting here, by Magnus’ feet, whenever they were doing a scene. It made Alec feel close, loved, owed and safe. It was perfect.

Magnus continued to sip his drink as he snapped his fingers, making music play. He picked up a book from the nearby coffee table, reading a bit though mainly his focus was on his angel kneeling by his feet.

“You look amazing. Doing so well,” Magnus assured him, stroking Alec’s hair.

Alec leaned into the touch and even though he was looking down Magnus knew he was smiling again. Magnus kept this up for a while, touching Alec’s hair, praising him, while he was sipping his drink. When he had finished his drink, he put down the book and snapped his fingers, making himself another one. He looked down at Alec, feeling his need and desire at seeing Alec like this rise.

“Come, sit up between my legs,” Magnus ordered softly, his voice heated, spreading his legs a bit.

Alec quickly moved into position on his knees, sitting perfectly between his knees. Magnus put a hand under Alec’s cheek, lifting up his head so he could look into his eyes. He saw the more profound cloudy look in Alec’s eyes, signaling he was already deep inside his own head.

“You have made me very excited. I would love to feel your lips, your mouth, on me. Color?” Magnus asked hoarsely, giving Alec a searching look, making it a question so Alec could back off if he preferred to keep the scene nonsexual.

“Green,” Alec admitted quietly, blushing as he said it, his eyes lowering.

Magnus smiled at that. He moved his hand to Alec’s neck and used the other to get his cock out of his pants.

“Be a good boy and get me off. Use your hands and mouth as you wish,” Magnus said softly, using his hand on the back of Alec’s neck to move him closer to his cock.

Alec put his hands on Magnus’ knees and started doing just that. He was eagerly holding Magnus’ cock, sucking and licking, focused only on the task of pleasing his partner, feeling his own body sing with pleasure at doing this for him.

“That’s perfect. You’re so good for me. So good,” Magnus praised, his voice heavy with passion and desire.

Magnus kept his hand on Alec as a support as he kept praising him.

For each word of encouragement Alec would apply himself even more to his task. He took him as deep as he could, getting lost in the pleasure of pleasing Magnus, eager to continue for as long as Magnus wanted him to.

“I won’t last much longer,” Magnus warned when he felt he was getting close.

Magnus let go of Alec so he could decide if he wanted to swallow or draw back. Alec pulled back a bit at the last moment, using his hand to finish him off, beaming proudly when he saw Magnus come.

Magnus only slowly felt himself returning to reality, smiling drunkenly, enjoying his post-orgasmic high.

“That was amazing, darling,” Magnus praised when he felt himself able to speak again, stroking Alec’s cheek tenderly.

Alec leaned into the touch for a moment, smiling widely, before he sat back on his heels.

“Let me clean us up,” Magnus said softly, snapping his fingers and they were both clean again.

Magnus put his now spent cock back in his pants before he put a hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“You did great,” Magnus told him tenderly.

Magnus smiled when he saw Alec beam at hearing that.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Magnus went on, helping Alec up and into his lap.

Alec did his best to snuggle close despite his tall form, hiding his face by Magnus’ neck. Magnus closed his arms around him, drawing invisible lines on Alec’s back while he whispered soft words of praise in his ear. After a while Alec slowly lifted his head and gave Magnus a shy smile.

“Hi,” Alec said quietly.

“Hi yourself,” Magnus replied, stroking some hair out of Alec’s eyes.

Magnus reached behind Alec’s neck, unclicking the black collar and putting it on the nearby coffee table. Magnus softly stroked the skin on Alec’s neck, smoothing out the faint markings left by the collar for a few seconds.

“I always feel a bit naked after taking it off, “Alec admitted as he looked at the collar, taking a hand to his now bare throat.

“You look handsome without it but when you wear it you always seem to glow,” Magnus told him with a warm smile.

Alec blushed, “Thank you.”

They leaned in at the same time, sharing a tender kiss. Magnus smiled when the kiss ended, tightening his arms around him once more. After a few moments Magnus snapped his fingers and made a glass of juice appear on the coffee table. He handed it to Alec who took it with a grateful smile, drinking it all before he put the glass down on the coffee table.

When their eyes met Magnus saw that the cloud in Alec’s eyes had gone, signaling he was out of his headspace again.

“How was the scene?” Magnus asked as Alec snuggled close once more, his head near Magnus’ shoulder and Magnus’ arms around him.

“Perfect. I liked all of it,” Alec said contently.

“All? Also the blowjob?” Magnus asked to be sure.

Alec lifted his head to look at him, nodding, “Yes.” He paused before he added, “I am not sure I will always want to do that but…I don’t know. I liked it today. It made me go deeper into my headspace to do that for you.”

“Good. If I ask and you don’t feel like it you just say red or if it is a not now but maybe later in the scene feeling you say yellow,” Magnus reminded him.

“I will,” Alec agreed, nodding. He gave Magnus a worried look as he asked, “What about you? Did you like it?”

“I loved it, all of it was perfect for me too,” Magnus said with a wide smile.

Alec smiled happily at hearing that. Then he gave Magnus a searching look.

“I feel a bit like I am getting everything from this deal. What do you get?” Alec asked concerned.

“I get everything too,” Magnus said with certainty, giving Alec a fond look.

“Really? As both my Dom and my partner?” Alec asked to be sure he truly meant it.

“Yes,” Magnus said. “Your submission is beautiful, and you give me your everything. As a Dom I could not ask for more.”

“And as my partner?” Alec asked a bit shyly, eager for the reply.

“It is the same,” Magnus reassured him with a fond smile.

Alec smiled happily and gave him a loving kiss on the lips.

“I’m so lucky I have you,” Alec said emotionally when the kiss ended, a lump in his throat.

“I’m lucky I have you too,” Magnus replied, stroking his cheek tenderly.

They drew close, sharing another kiss that despite its gentleness and softness stole their breath while warming their hearts. As the kiss ended, they both knew how true that was; they were both lucky people to have found each other. They were like two pieces of a puzzle that matched perfectly. None of them had to pretend, had to settle, had to agree to something they didn’t really want or need.

When they went to bed a bit later, they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, smiles on their lips. They had finally found the perfect shape of love, the shape that fitted them and only them. It might not be what others thought love was, but that didn’t matter because this was only for them. This was their world, their love, and this was what fitted them. No labels, no restrictions, no limitations. The freedom to love and be loved precisely how they wanted and needed.

The end