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CFO is Really Old

Summary:

A short collection of snippets where CFO is old as dirt and he doesn't understand technology

 

CW: Blood is mentioned a lot and he will drink blood from his partner

Notes:

Day 3: Vampires

Work Text:

Charles glared at the DVD player in front of him, trying to remember how to use it. He turned his head to glare at the opened DVD case then back to the DVD player.

Akita had insisted they watch Nosferatu, claiming it was for Halloween but Charles knew it was so he could make fun of him.

He delicately picked up the DVD as it snapped free from its plastic prison. The disc had no image so he couldn't use that as a guide. He squinted at the tiny writing as he tried to decipher which side was supposed to go up.

He took a chance and set the disc inside. He closed the DVD player and grabbed the remote in anticipation.

But nothing happened.

The blue screen loudly declaring BLU-RAY DVD PLAYER didn't move, continuing to drone the bland theme music. He scowled and opened the DVD player. He flipped over the disc and shut it again.

But the blue screen still remained and his lips pressed into a thin line. His left eye twitched and he resisted the urge to bare his fangs at the stupid piece of technology.

He tried flipping the disc again and nothing happened. He tried to turn it off and on. He checked the plug but couldn't find any frays.

He ran his hands through his hair as the droning theme slowly got on his nerves. "I'M OVER ONE THOUSAND YEARS OLD, CUT ME SOME SLACK YOU TERRIBLE-"

"Charles, are you having trouble with the DVD player?" Akita asked as he barely hid his amusement, laughter bubbling in his voice. He was carrying a popcorn bowl in one hand and two beers in the other.

Charles stiffened as he turned bright red, the blood he had recently consumed rushing to color his face. "N-No. Of course not. Everything is in order." He lied through his teeth.

Akita set the bowl down on the table and threw one of the beers at him before going to the DVD player. He readjusted the disc, shut the player door and hit play on the remote. Almost immediately, the commercials started to play.

Charles stared at him dumbfounded. "How did you... What-" He exhaled heavily through his nose as he rubbed his face.

Akita laughed low in his throat, wrapping his arms around the vampire and kissing his cheek. "Come on, rakas. You can show off your technical prowess another day." He teased.

--------------------

Charles dipped his quill into the ink well on his desk to continue working on the contract deal with BLUD ORANGE Energy Drink. The company wanted to use Bloodrocuted and get the band to do a commercial or two.

Akita opened the door to his office with a tray in his hand and Charles glanced over at him. "Something the matter, darling?" Charles asked as he set the quill down.

Akita grinned at him. "Dinner time, rakas." He said as he set the tray down on an empty corner of Charles' desk. Dinner (for the humans) was a pot roast with roasted potatoes and carrots. Brown gravy covered the meat and Charles couldn't deny that it smelled good.

"Jean-Pierre did well." He commented as he took the blood bag from the tray.

"Nah. Noni and I made it. We heard about this..." He waved a hand over his plate. "Dish from Nathan and Pickles. We wanted to try it out."

Charles raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything further as he pierced the bag with his elongated canines. He closed his eyes in satisfaction. B-negative. Akita knew him well.

Akita took a bite of his potatoes as he rummaged through some of the piles of papers on his desk, glancing at the quill as he read over the looping calligraphy. "Charlie baby... don't take this wrong because your handwriting is beautiful but you know you can use a computer to keep all these documents in order, right? You don't have to handwrite everything."

Charles blinked at him, removing his fangs from the bag. "Do you mean one of those fancy typewriters with the screen?"

Akita stared at him, not blinking. "...Charles."

"What?"

Akita put his fork down and put his head in his hands. Before Charles could question him, his shoulders started shaking as he started to laugh. "Oh my God, you're so old." He howled with laughter, tears in his eyes.

Charles frowned. "Akita, you knew this when we started our relationship."

Akita continued laughing, tears escaping and running down his face in black lines. "Fuck me, of course you make me laugh this hard on the day I run out of waterproof mascara!" He giggled as he came down from his hysterical high, wiping the black tears.

"You deserve it." Charles said stiffly.

Akita clicked his tongue and leaned forward, kissing his cheek. A burgundy imprint was left on his cheek and Charles rubbed at it. "Oh stop it. You know I love you, you old man." Akita kissed his cheek again.

Charles stared at him a moment before cracking a small smile. "I love you too. You fucking whippersnapper."

He barely ducked Akita's playful swipe.

----------------

Charles dug through his old storage unit. It had to be here. It wasn't in his closet. It wasn't in his den. He checked everywhere he could have hidden his favorite gramophone so it had to be here.

His hand knocked the silver handle slightly and the old record player spat out a few irregular notes. He grinned widely and pulled it up from the mess. The wood was showing its age, the dark wood going light and the silver handle was tarnished.

He checked for cracks or water damage. Finding none, he grinned widely. A little elbow grease would bring the gramophone back to its former glory.
---------
He carried his record player into the bedroom. It had taken some time to restore it but it was well worth it.

He set a record into the turntable and gently set the needle into the groove of the disc. He turned the shiny new handle, watching the disc turn. There was a simple joy at watching a turntable work. Granted, part of it was that he knew how to work a turntable. Not like Pickles' confounded CDs or those accursed cassette players.

Soon enough, Waltz of the Flowers twinkled softly with the warm notes of the gramophone. He hummed alongside it as he closed his eyes. He could remember the first time he had ever seen The Nutcracker. He was around 800 years old at the time. The theater had been very dark, hiding his hungry eyes that reflected the light and his elongated teeth as he stalked his prey. But before he could strike, the second act had started. The music had made him stop. His canines receded into his gums as he was transfixed by the music.

The following day, he went to see the entire show, ignoring the hunger pains.

He opened his eyes and smiled softly. He lifted the needle and reset the vinyl.
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"So what is it that you wanted to show me?" Akita asked as Charles led him into their bedroom by the hand, Akita's fingers resting delicately on top of his. [

Charles smiled as he opened the door. "Can't I ask for a dance?"

Akita laughed and squeezed his fingers. "It might cost you." He teased, eyelids lowering playfully.

Charles chuckled before winding the gramophone. Waltz of the Flowers started once again. He turned to Akita and bowed from his waist. He held out his hand. "May I?|

Akita grinned and took his hands. He was pulled close to the shorter man's chest. Charles placed one hand onto Akita's waist while the blonde placed a hand on his shoulder. Charles led them as they danced along to the music, occasionally stepping on Akita's feet accidentally.

"I'm glad we didn't put on shoes. I'd have no more toes then." Akita giggled as Charles' face turned a light shade of pink.

"How rude." Charles huffed as they continued their dance waltzing around their room. He pressed his cheek to Akita's shoulder as the music slowed, the two swaying even when the music came to a stop.

Akita pressed a kiss to his forehead and the two winced as the record player let out a shrill noise as the needle skipped over the grooves. Charles stopped the needle and lifted the arm.

"Charlie, you know there's an easier way to play music now, right?"

Charles turned and raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Akita winked at him as he pulled his phone from the hidden pocket in his skirt. He opened Spotify while glancing at Charles with a smile. He searched for the soundtrack to The Nutcracker and played Waltz of the Flowers.

Charles jumped back, eyes going wide behind his glasses. "How is that small box making music?!"

He slowly stepped closer once he overcame his shock to poke the back of Akita's phone.

Akita laughed and pulled on his arm to join him at the base of the bed. "I'll show you."

----------

"So why do you only drink from blood bags?" Akita asked as he laid next to him, eyes half lidded as he fought to stay awake.

Charles removed his teeth from the plastic bag. "Well, it's simply easier and far less messy. They're more readily available than trying to hunt someone down."

Akita hummed as he nuzzled Charles' side. Charles' body was slowly warming up as the blood ran through his veins and arteries. "So when was the last time you bit someone?"

Charles ran a hand through the platinum blonde locks as he thought it over. "Oh, it must have been a good... three to four hundred years ago." He set the empty bag down. "It got easier maybe a hundred years or so ago when you humans started collecting blood."

Akita sat up, leaning forward. "Well... do you wanna try it again?"

Charles was glad he set the blood bag down for he was certain it would have slipped from his lax fingers. "...What?"

"Biting humans. I'd let you bite my neck. You can't turn me in one bite, right?"

"Well...no. I would have to drink all the blood from your system and replace it with venom, letting it circulate in your body. It takes several days and it can be quite painful if done incorrectly." He subconsciously rubbed the bite marks by his collar bone.

Akita shrugged his shoulders. "Well, there you go." He lifted his pajama shirt only to be stopped by Charles' cold fingers.

"I-I don't think we should. I don't have the same level of self control anymore." He averted his eyes from the tantalizing pale skin, his mouth going dry. His canines elongated as if he hadn't eaten in days. Venom filled his mouth and he swallowed roughly.

Akita smiled and kissed the tip of his fang where it was starting to peek. "I trust you not to hurt me." He pulled away and took off his pajama shirt.

Charles swallowed another mouthful of venom and leaned forward to cup Akita's face. "This is a dangerous idea, darling." He said hoarsely.

Akita grinned at him before leaning forward to kiss him, one hand holding his right wrist gently. He ignored the copper taste on Charles' lips as he carefully continued his soft kisses, wary of the vampire's fangs. "Honestly, Charlie. It's really okay." He murmured between kisses.

Charles grinned, flashing his fangs. He ran his fingers through Akita's hair as he kissed back. "You're either really brave or really stupid."

Akita rolled his eyes with a fond smile as he pulled away. "Wow, okay. I love you too." He pressed a kiss to the tip of Charles' nose.

Charles shook his head with a small smile of his own before kissing a path down to the junction between Akita's neck and shoulder. "Last chance." He whispered, the tips of his fangs tickling the skin.

Akita rolled his eyes again and gripped the back of his head. He pushed Charles' head forward with his fingers intertwined in the brown hair. "Do it, you big baby."

Charles closed his eyes as his fangs pierced the skin. His senses were overloaded. It had been so long since he drank fresh blood. Akita's warm body pressed against his, the soft smell of soap on Akita's skin, the warm metallic tang that lacked the plastic aftertaste of a blood bag, the gentle way Akita's breath hitched. He could feel Akita's fingers curl gently around his shoulders and he was hyper aware of the human's touch.

His body felt different. He couldn't remember the last time he felt his heart beat this fast. He finally pulled away, licking the droplets that escaped. Blood colored his cheeks and nose. His fingers were warm now.

Akita grinned at him, a little paler now and his eyes slightly glossy.

"You should have stopped me!" Charles scolded as Akita leaned back.

The blonde waved him off. "'M fine. 'M fine. 'M fine. Just a little bit dizzy."

Charles got to his feet. "You need foods high in iron. And maybe something sweet I suppose."

Akita nodded sleepily, his chin touching his chest. "Whatever you say, rakas." He yawned.

Charles shook his shoulder. "Darling, don't fall asleep."

Akita groaned and rubbed his face. "But Charlie, I'm sleepy." He whined as Charles shook him again when his eyes closed.

Charles sighed and lifted him up.

"Oh... we should take advantage of this..." He groaned as his head spun. "M-Maybe another time though..."

Charles shook his head. "You can think of sex at a time like this? You amaze me."

Akita cackled, his eyes momentarily going cross eyed. "I love you too." He clung to Charles' neck as the vampire carried him to the kitchen.

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