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“Derek.” Spencer said in shock as he slowly walked into the small room to see his big brother seat in a chair waiting for him.
“Hey.” Derek looked up and smiled at the younger man, the smile was a little strained but not as much as it was last time Spencer had seen the SWAT officer.
“What are you doing here?” Spencer asked as he walked over to take a seat opposite his brother.
“I came to see my baby brother.” Derek said as if it were obvious.
“I said I didn’t want any visitors.” Spencer pointed out as he started to fiddle with his fingers, something that Derek had noticed the younger man doing more and more since he was taken.
“I know what you said but I couldn’t just sit at home and let you go through this on your own.” Derek explained as he looked his brother over, trying not to let himself worry too much about how skinny Spencer looked, the kid had always been too skinny.
“I didn’t want anyone here for a reason Derek.” Spencer shock his head quickly, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to deal with his family’s disappointment in him.
“Spence you don’t have to go through this alone, everyone wants to come and see you.” Derek told him slowly, he understood why Spencer was pushing himself away from the rest of them but he wasn’t going to let it happen. “No one is mad or disappointed in you we just want you to get better.”
“And who says I want to?” Spencer snapped, finally looking up at his brother.
“What?” Derek asked only a little shocked by what his brother was saying to him.
“Who say’s I want to get better?” Spencer asked him again as he looked back down at the table, he didn’t really want to see his brother’s reaction to what he was saying.
“Spence, you’re a doctor, you have a PHD and you’re working on your second one now. You have a family that love you so much. You have so much to live for.” Derek pointed out with a small shake of his head. Sometimes he still struggled to believe how smart his little brother was. “Don’t give up on life. You can do some much with yours.”
“I don’t want to Derek.” Spencer snapped again his voice too loud for where they were. “I don’t want to get better, to get clean. Why would I want to?”
“Because you were so excited to be working on your second PHD, to get to do Chemistry like that, don’t let some horrible person stop that.” Derek told him his voice in full big brother mode. “I know what happened to you was horrible and one of the worst things that you will probably have to go through but don’t let it ruin your life, please pretty boy don’t let this ruin your life.”
Spencer looked over at the older man for a second before he felt tears start to build in his eyes. “I don’t know how to stay clean Der.”
“Dad, papa, me, we are all going to be there for you Spence. Through it all I promise you that.” Morgan assured him with what he hoped was a reassuring look. “Okay, none of us are leaving you to deal with this on your own, I promise you okay.”
“I can’t forget Derek.” Spencer admitted softly as he looked back down at his hand. “Every time I close my eyes I see him standing over me and I see the faces of the people that got murdered because of me. The drugs, they stop that.”
“Spence, dad and papa are going to get you all the help you need to get you through this and you are going to get through this.” Derek didn’t know how much this was going to impact his brother, he didn’t expect it to change everything straight away but he hoped that if enough of them said this enough he could start to believe him and move past this as best as he can. “And do you know what you’re going to do, you’re going to kick this addiction in the ass, no matter how long it takes, and you are going to kick ass at getting your second doctorate I know you are. You just have to believe it.”
“You really think I can do this Derek?” Spencer asked his voice sounding so small it almost broke Derek’s heart, Spencer’s voice hadn’t sounded that small since Gideon came back a few years ago.
“I know you can pretty boy.” Derek assured him with a small nod and mostly forced smile. “Now how’s things here?”
“Okay, now that the withdrawal symptoms are gone it actually hasn’t been that bad.” Spencer said with a small shrug of his shoulders. “I really do want to leave though.”
“You agreed to three months.” Derek pointed out. They had all expected there to be a point when Spencer wanted nothing more than to leave rehab and Derek had actually been expecting it to happen a lot sooner than this.
“The only reason I agreed to three months is because one of our dad’s is an FBI agent and the other is an ex FBI agent. And neither of them are just FBI agents their profilers. I couldn’t say no.” Spencer shock his head with a small sigh as he started to play with his fingers again. “I never wanted to come here yet here I am.”
“This is the best thing Spence and you know that.”
“Yeah I do.” Spencer nodded slowly. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”
“No it does not.” Derek agreed with a small nod. “Want to talk about something else, or want me to leave?”
“Talk about something else.” Spencer said without a second of hesitation, he may not have been all that happy to see Derek when the older man first arrived but now that the older man had been here for a bit he didn’t want his brother to leave just yet.
“Pen is getting into even more trouble.” Derek told him with a small laugh and shake of his head, glad to see that it brought a smile to Spencer’s face even if it was only a really small one. “Dad’s thinking about getting her a job with the FBI, in technical analysis. He hopes it will stop her from one day being arrested by the FBI.”
“I could see that.” Spencer agreed the smallest laugh coming out with his words.
The two of them talked until a nurse came down to tell them it was time for Spencer’s therapy.
The goodbye was a little sad but Spencer did promise to let at least there dad’s come to see him and that was all Derek could really ask for right now.
They both knew there was still a long road to go but for the first time in a while both men were actually starting to believe they could make it past it.