Chapter Text
Drops of sweat falling down her forehead. It had been a while. The temperature of the room, was normal in the bar with rooms. That body twists abruptly and with spasms, eyebrows making a single one, grimace formed. From her lips come murmuring and groaning of pain... but no one was hurting her.
Your eyes open suddenly and you get up immediately. Between gaps and choppy breathing you inspect your environment. You're not in that place anymore, you're not there anymore, you're safe. You repeat that over and over again. Your hands tremble fearfully, you close your eyes and touch your temple... his face chases you everywhere. More now that you've disappeared.
With a lot of patience, you managed to get out of that hell.
You squirm in an exhausted way, lately it's natural to have a lack of sleep. You get out of bed to go to some little drawers that come into the room. From there you take out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. You sit on the edge of the window looking at the night. There are several people late at night outside. You put a cigarette between your dry and battered lips, you light it without grace. If this doesn't kill you, you'll die of heartbreak and nightmares. You know Alcina like the back of your hand, you know that she doesn't forgive easily... it's even possible that she won't even forgive you for this. But so many years had passed...a decade with three years, you know that your daughters are not girls anymore...knowing that you couldn't see them grow breaks you like no one has ever broken you before. The living memory sticks to you, as if you had experienced it yesterday. You had no choice, there was no other. It was that or the lives of those you love deeply. The life of your daughters...the life of your beloved. You tell yourself it's for them, everything is for them, your suffering doesn't matter if it means they will be alive.
You curse the day you met that man. You curse him with all your strength, with all your insane being that cries out for peace.
You stay like this all night, until you can see the dawn. You don't feel your buttocks from sitting for so long, but that doesn't matter to you. The light of dawn brings some calm to your torment. You get up to prepare to go to the castle, you had heard that they need a staff, this is your opportunity to enter and see that face that you so long to see. See the faces of those sweet creations that you two made with so much passion and love. You miss feeling her touch, you feel like you are collapsing to feel her.
It was time, it was time to go there and face ghosts.
You had almost forgotten how cold this area of the castle gets. You sigh wistfully knowing that it is intact. A while ago you had knocked on the great doors of the castle. Your gaze turns to other places waiting for someone to attend. And that moment definitely came. There is a woman a little older than you and she looks at you confused.
"I come for the maid position, I heard you need an employee." You say making her understand.
She lights up knowing there is someone for the position, she gives you an extremely warm smile.
"Please come in miss, someone will give you a little physical exam and that's it." She says showing where you should go, you already know these hallways by heart, having walked through them for some years. What you notice is the lack of pictures where you and your loved one are together.
She takes you to a somewhat more private room, there is a woman younger than you, she welcomes you with a slight smile. From her appearance you know that she is an omega like you. You nod accepting the greeting, you can barely smile at anyone.
"My name is Clarise, I'm going to physically examine you, I'm sorry if it's uncomfortable, but it's protocol, it's like a profile." She explains calmly, a little nervous at your lack of reaction. You just nod and do what she tells you. This Clarisa takes the exact measurements of your body and sets aside a uniform that appears to be your size. "Please take off your clothes" she tells you. You sigh, removing your shoes, then the welt of your pants, revealing old scratches. The servant shares a look with the other and they say nothing. You take off your blouse and put it aside, you are left in your underwear in front of these two women who will be your co-workers. You hear one gasp, it's the one behind you. Your back doesn't have good vision, not anymore.
The servant named Clarisa He writes down a few things on a piece of paper and then looks you up and down. "You are under the weight of a normal Omega adult. Have you been eating healthy?"
"I have had a loss of appetite."
She nods at your response and then turns to look at you again. "Lastly, what is your name and your love status?"
Your name? You couldn't give her your name, Alcina would find out and she...she's going to throw you out of the castle.
"Amelia Greens and I'm getting divorced, I have..I have the mark.." You lie. The Omega nods and writes it down on the paper that will be your employee profile.
"Alright Miss Greens, you can put on your uniform, you're officially part of the staff now."
As the minutes and hours pass, they gave you a small tour of the castle, they told you about the tasks that are done and they showed you the place that will be your bed. Servants started conversations with you, confessed that you are an omega and they smiled because there are not many in the castle.
So soon, you find yourself working on the floors where your bare feet have often walked and ran. A feeling of melancholy washes over you as you scrub the marble. Your knees don't hurt, but they are red. The pain is getting stronger. You haven't slept well in months...years dare you say. The desire to cry stimulates the itching that your once-happy eyes feel. It was not the time to cry. Hurried footsteps echo, murmurs, almost a small argument. Your heart skips a beat at the voices. Your hands continue working, but they shake uncontrollably. Your other fellow maid at the other end doesn't seem to notice. You dare to look a little, your orbs widening at the sight of your already somewhat grown babies. You never forgot their smells, you never could, even when you got sick, you didn't forget them. You squeeze the cloth tightly as you continue scrubbing, looking out of the corner of your eyes at the young teenagers girls. They look so healthy, strong and....God...they carry some of your traits. One mainly is the eyes, they are the same shape as yours. Daniela...sweet little Daniela shows an angry face with her cheeks red with anger. She makes a beautiful pout and stomps towards the stairs. Bela looks disapprovingly at her other sister and goes after the youngest of the three. Cassandra just rolls her eyes and you follow them. Cassandra is the same...Alcina. Oh, the name brings delicious sensations to your body, you feel numb and at the same time with unstoppable currents.
Alcina, on the other hand, is evaluating the new employee profile. She sighs tiredly when she hears her door open abruptly and the person enters without warning. Yes, her daughters have to learn those manners yet, well...Daniela.
"Daniela, what did I say about entering without knocking?" The Matriarch scolds her without yelling at her, but her tone is authoritative. The youngest shrinks before her mother's gaze and looks at the ground.
"I'm sorry, Mother, but it's my turn to take the pink ribbon and Cassandra doesn't want to give it to me!" The young redhead complains with almost glassy eyes. "She said she was going to throw it away because we don't need it and it's not important!" She looks at her mother waiting for answers. "...but it's important to me." Alcina hears that last thing clearly as water. The pink ribbon...one of the gifts you left for the girls. Alcina swallows without knowing what to do. Daniela...doesn't understand that you left them. Daniela, the one who still clings to the fact that you love them and will come back. Alcina hates the pain you have caused, she wants to hate you, she wants to disown you, curse your name for eternity....but she can't do it. Alcina, for some strange reason, her mark has not been completely erased, but she knows that you broke the bond, because she felt that excruciating pain. She cried and cried so much, but she had to be strong to raise the girls...her girls. Seeing Daniela downcast and so small because of those thoughts makes her sad too.
The Matriarch crouches down to Daniela's level and gives her a soft smile. "Your sister doesn't mean it, she knows how important it is to you...I don't think she wants to hurt you by saying she's going to get rid of the ribbon."
A few minutes later Bela enters and bows respectfully towards her mother. Cassandra is the last one, she shrinks and looks away because of the intense look her alpha mother is giving her.
"Cassandra."
The black-haired girl swallows with the ribbon hidden in the back. Cassandra says hurtful things about how they don't need anything you left behind, but deep down, she wants that ribbon for herself.
Cassandra looks up, meeting her younger sister's teary eyes. She feels bad for saying that. She knows how sensitive Daniela is about these things. Cassandra steps forward and extends the pink ribbon to her sister.
"Forgive me Dani...I won't throw it away...but I'm going to throw away the perfumes!" She says running away.
Daniela's eyes widen and she looks at her mother. "Mother, tell her something, don't allow it!" She shouts in panic and takes off after Cassandra.
Alcina rolls her eyes at her daughters' behavior. She looks at Bela who is quite serious looking at her mother's desk.
"Do you want to help with my papers?" The Lady asks her daughter, heading back to her desk where she was very busy. The alpha catches the sparkle in Bela's eyes. They look so much like you...your face will torment the Lady for eternity.
"What is it, is there a new person working?" the blonde asks looking at the paper.
"That's right, it's here, we no longer have an empty vacancy." Alcina smiles, extending a stack of papers to Bela. "On these you can put the family logo."
The blonde nods happily at being able to help her mother.
Alcina has a letter in her hand, one that she is not reading because her thoughts keep her unfocused. Her free hand scratches the back of her neck where the mark of your teeth is present. Why you left? Wasn't she enough? Didn't you say you loved her? You were excited to have pups...was it a lie and you left them? Unfortunately she loves you. She loves you madly and she hates that she can't let you go. Damn, you're the mother of her daughters. You accepted her seed, you saw her worthy to carry her pups! And out of nowhere, you completely disappeared from her life. Your name...was completely forbidden to mention within the castle walls. The girls know because Alcina had to tell them. She felt bad telling them, but she doesn't want to have secrets from her daughters. Furthermore, sooner or later they were going to ask about the absence of the other parent.
The girls grew up thinking that you didn't love them. Daniela becomes small every time she meets the mothers of her schoolmates looking for their children as a couple, or simply omega mothers. Sometimes sweet smells come out, comforting children and others. Or that time a very small child hurt his knee and his omega mother ran to him. She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the knee, the boy stopped crying and continued playing. Daniela remembers that, she remembers that Cassandra took her hand and encouraged her to walk. Daniela was silent the entire trip.
"Amelia, here, take this glass and the wine to Lady Dimitrescu's offices." A servant tells you.
Your pulse speeds up instantly. You're going to see her, you're going to see her. You don't think you're ready, you'll never be ready. You nod, taking the tray, things are always on a tray, right? Alcina does not change. You head to the office where you often took the Matriarch out of there so she could go to sleep. You are so scared and so nervous. You hope she doesn't recognize you....if she does, she'll be furious and...and...
"What did I tell you about saying her name!? You belong to me, to me! I have you now, not her!" He yells in your face while you're cornered, covering your face. "You have my mark! Respect it, Omega"
"I didn't want it, I was happy! I gave her-"
Slap
"Don't you dare say it!" He grabs you tightly by the neck and approaches in a dangerous and dominant manner. "Be careful what you say, you know I can take those pups away from you with a single call." Disgustingly, he pushes you away. "Know your place and it's here with me." He grips your face tightly as your hair gets in the way, your breathing labored as a wave of bitter smell competes with dominant, threatening pheromones.
You blinked, snapping out of that memory. You feel cold all over your body. You know that Alcina is a chivalrous woman, she wouldn't raise her hand to a woman, but....it's you. You wait a few moments to calm down, you should not let them discover you, it is better to observe from afar. Being sane, you knock on the office door and hear a faint 'pass' behind it. With a lump in your throat, you pull the door handle and calmly open it. And there it is....the love of your life with Bela. Your heart beats loudly as emotions want to explode inside you. You don't allow it. You close everything in a Pandora's box and throw it into the void inside you.
"You're the new maid." Bela says first. You just agree, directing the tray towards another small table.
"The wine, My Lady." Alcina waves her hand, something you saw her do a lot. Nodding, you take an object to remove the quilt so you can serve her. Alcina notices your left hand, it seems you had an accident or something, there is a deep scar on that hand, along with small cuts. All already cured. According to the profile, you need more care, and now that she looks at you in front, you definitely need more care. Sad that you are going through a divorce. Things like that tend to be harder for omegas.
"Amelia, right?"
"Yes my Lady." you lie.
"Are you new here?"
For a moment you don't know what to say. "I've been to this village before, but...I had to move because of...family matters."
"I see..., Bela, darling, do you want Amelia to bring you something?"
Ask for anything, you will get it. Damn, you'll even go to hell if she wants a stone exclusively from that place.
"Fruit salad." The blonde says putting logos on cards. You saw the hint of pain in Alcina's eyes...you usually eat that all the time.
"Right away, Miss Bela." You say bowing, leaving the office almost running to the kitchen.
It remained that way for months. You fell into a routine, you helped each of the girls, whether it was food, reading, clothing, anything. You were very clear that none of them, not even Alcina, liked your smell. According to Cassandra, it's strange. Bela likes it when you teach her to play piano, Cassandra likes it when you help her with her drawings and Daniela likes it when you read to her. You could say that you are friends with those girls. And that is enough for you, to know that they are fine and are not being threatened. Alcina is in a certain state of deja vu when interacting with you. But she is grateful that there is a staff taking care of her little girls, Alcina admits that she has been burdened with a lot of work, but she needs to do it so that they have food on the table. Sometimes the girls see you smoking in the garden, Daniela scolds you for that. You apologize and turn it off.
Today was one of those days when you have to dust off the library. It doesn't bother you, but it's a lot of work in that area. You enter the library calmly and are startled when you hear sobbing from there. You walk directly towards the direction they came from. There in a corner, Daniela cries with her face hidden in her knees. Your heart breaks when you hear her so...depressed.
"Dani, sweetheart...let me look at you." You say softly crouching down, placing your knees on the ground. The tips of your fingers brush the little redhead's knees, she raises her head meeting your worried and almost painful eyes. "Oh honey..." You gently reach out your hand cradling their face and wiping away the tears that fall from them. "What's wrong, hm? Something is bothering you and making you so sad."
The redhead sobs, wiping her nose on her sleeve and then looks away somewhere else. "...my mom never loved us, she won't come back to us...we were very unpleasant for her, weren't we?"
That's a stab in your heart. You automatically open your arms and extend them towards her. Daniela understood the message. She crawl to you and accepted your comforting hug. "Honey, you are not unpleasant...you are wonderful, strong, talented girls. Why do you say that?" Your voice, you make every effort to keep it sane, you try not to drown it with that desire to cry.
"...She abandoned us, that could be a good reason.." Daniela says, her voice muffled by having her face hidden in your chest, listening to your heartbeat.
"What if...your mom had to do it because she had no choice?" You ask in a whisper. At that, Daniela raises her head in a curious and confused way.
"No choice, why?"
"Hm, well...if someone wanted to hurt you and had to leave for you to be safe? Or some emergency happened and they had to leave without warning or...they're a secret spy and they're trying to save the world." You say, giggling next to Daniela at the last thing you added.
There is a short pause, the redhead is thinking about your words. Then she looks at you. "Would you...leave your family if it meant they would be safe?"
You open your mouth and then close it. She's looking right into your soul. You swallow harshly and nod, clearing your throat. "Yes, if I had no other choice, with all my soul torn, I would sacrifice everything of myself if it means that the ones I love are safe." You tell her, arranging strands of hair on her face.
"You are very brave, Amelia." Daniela smiles, feeling better. You two didn't notice the other two girls on the other shelf, listening to everything. Now, the three girls were in doubt. They had never thought about that option. Daniela laughed a lot about her mom being a spy.
You, on the other hand, cried in that same place. You let out all your crying, and muffled it with your hand.
The girls never mentioned any of this to their mother, since she tends to get extremely angry when topics that are related to you come up. The servants also did not know what had happened to the Matriarch's mate, the first thing they thought was that she was a widow. Of course, that's how it stayed.
The days go by and your mind keeps spinning, would it have been different if you had stayed? Of course yes, you were crying for they...they death.
During dinner, the maids are chatting normally at the table. You look somewhat lost in space, a behavior that your fellow maids took as normal from you. Clarise congratulated you because you looked a little better since the first time you arrived at the castle. And just like that in the blink of an eye, you felt a burn on your forced mark. You hissed in pain, clenching the cutlery tightly making your knuckles turn white. Beside you, Clarise looks at you worried and rests her hand on yours.
"Amelia, are you okay?" She asks you, the concern clearly evident in her tone. That earns you worried looks from other maids.
You tilt your head, the pain is unbearable, but you feel the relief in you, there is nothing left for that man. "The mark...the bond, has been broken." You say sighing in relief. The maids give you relieved looks and smile at you, they all knew you were going through a divorce, or so you told them. Clarise compliments you that you smell too sweet and that your mark overshadowed it.
Alcina sighs rubbing her temple. She should give herself a free moment. Rubbing the back of her neck, the Matriarch stands up from her chair and gives herself a short stretch. Getting out of her office will do her good. The hallways are spotless as always. Alcina appreciates the efforts of the staff for their hard work. She goes downstairs, maybe goes to find a new bottle of wine or...a silly fruit salad. Alcina complains at that, it was your fault. Your fault that she liked eating fruit salad with you. Damn memories, damn your smile... the one that Alcina longed to see so much. Everything leaves a bitter taste inside her. The Lady's pace is slow, she is consumed in her thoughts until she stops dead. Her nose is playing a very bad trick on her. She breathes deeply, like a bloodhound already trained for these things. It may not be real, but no one has that smell. She hasn't met anyone with that distinctive scent that is....yours. The Lady's heart races and wants to roar. Her hand clenches into a fist and she without realizing it is speeding up her steps. Everything is going towards the maids' dining room. Alcina can hear them chatting. Alcina feels...she doesn't know how to feel. Without thinking she opens the door abruptly. Her frown is evident on her forehead. The room falls completely silent in her presence. It doesn't take long for her to find the person responsible for that smell...Amelia. Alcina knew, something was wrong with you, that deja vu she was constantly experiencing. All of that turns into anger, frustration and pain. Your eyes widen as you see her walking angrily towards you.
"Come here." She growls, grabbing your wrist and dragging you away from the dining room. The maids were stunned, they knew that the matriarch was someone with a strong character and no one should provoke that, what would you have done to earn her fury. Your eyes crystallize knowing what's happening, she knows, she knows. She drags you and almost pushes you into another room, this one smaller. You used to have soft moments in this room by the small fireplace. You can smell her, her pheromones are not the best. The alpha slams the door and growls furiously, towering over you.
"How can you come here as if nothing had happened!? Live with my daughters after what YOU DID!?" Alcina shouts at you and you understand her. You understand why she is like this, you understand why she wants to yell at you.
"Alcina...please...-" You try to get closer to calm her down, but it's in vain. She walks away and looks at you disgustingly.
“Don’t touch me, Y/n! Or should I call you Amelia from now on?"
"Please I..-"
"You falsify your name, you take advantage of my hospitality, you took my daughters and treated them as if they were yours! I raised them, I changed their diapers, I fed them, I took them to school, I comforted them when they cried because their mother didn't love them!" Alcina continued yelling at you, ignoring your shaking and crying form. "Who do you think you are!? Huh!? And you have the guts to come here...after thirteen years!! You come to show your face and pretend that you care!?"
"Yes, I CARE!" You explode crying. "I do care, Alcina, I had no choice, I had to do it!"
"Do exactly what!? You broke our bond...do you have any idea how that made me feel?...DO YOU HAVE the slightest idea HOW that made me feel!?...NO, because you weren't here!" The Lady points at you, judging you severely.
"I didn't want it, please...understand me, I didn't want it, they were going to hurt you, they were going to hurt the girls!" You say in hysterics, your hands shaking not knowing what to do now.
Alcina looks at you piercingly with fire in her eyes. discussed with what you are hearing. Hurt her? her and the girls? "Please, do you think I'll believe that?" Alcina says snorting.
"He showed me a photo, severe photos, you had the girls, you were feeding them and there was a guy with a gun! Alcina, I wasn't going to allow that!" You say taking a step forward to be stopped by the Lady.
"Why didn't you tell me anything? I could have done something!" The alpha growls, looking at you again without completely believing you.
"I tried, believe me I tried, everything was blurry and suddenly I was no longer in Romania...He took me away from you, he took me away from the girls, Alcina..." You cry, falling to your knees, completely humiliating yourself. The matriarch looks at you wanting to cry too, you are the one who has that scar on your hand, that burn that she had read in your file under the name of Amelia. You're shaking, Alcina can smell bitter pheromones and her own angry ones. Once Alcina thought it would be satisfying to see you beg...it doesn't feel satisfying at all.
"I have been living in a constant state of fear and misery, Alcina...I...I don't know what more I can take." Your voice is muffled, too broken, you're not even looking at her. Alcina knows who you're talking about, a romance that started with lies, sweetened you and in the end turned out to be the opposite. Full of jealousy, bitterness, restrictions and more. "He forcibly marked me knowing that I loved you...I still love you! But he did it anyway. Nothing stopped him." You take a deep breath, looking up a little. Alcina looks at you attentively without any type of gesture on her face, if she feels sorry for you, she doesn't show it. "...I tried to come back...he became more aggressive with each attempt. He kept me locked in a room. He took me to places with a collar and a leash, showing his power over me...he exposed me as a species of a trophy." Your lips tremble every time you speak, you sob trying to hold yourself together. You wipe your tears furiously and let out a small, bitter laugh. "He became furious when I was thinking about our pups...he forced me to carry his child, he got me pregnant...and then, due to an emotional crisis and all the stress, I had a spontaneous abortion." Your voice is small and you become tiny, your hair hides your face. Alcina is stunned, he didn't just take you, he became physical and against your will forced you to carry his seed. The Lady swallows severely without knowing what to say, you are a broken woman. She wants to reach out and comfort you, she wants to reach out and wipe your face, hug you and comfort you, but she can't. "I felt bad...it's just a child, it's not his fault, but a part of me felt relieved...I knew I wasn't going to love that kid the way I love the ones I had with you."
At that, the Matriarch's breath catches, you consider her worthy...you still consider her worthy. There is a heavy silence in that small living room where the two of you are. You stay on the floor, staring at the carpet as if your life depended on it. At no time do you dare to look up. Alcina takes advantage of that moment of distraction to observe you in more detail. You look thinner since the last time she saw you, your skin seems pale, maybe it's all this shock of emotions that you are feeling right now, previously she had seen a little more color. Your hands are shown shaking, looking for something to grab and calm yourself down. Alcina swallows her pride and takes stern steps towards you. You don't look at her either....she crouches down completely and hides you in her chest. Your body tenses and just as quickly, trembles as you release a powerful cry. Your hands get tangled in her blouse, afraid to let her go.
Alcina releases tears as she caresses your back trying to give you the best comfort. Her heart is at war with her conscience, her heart is happy that you have returned, but her conscience points out what you did.
"....What you did...what you did to us, is unforgivable." Alcina tells you with a dry but low tone. "You can stay, but I want you away from me... I'm not going to deprive you of getting to know the girls... after all, they have your trust... and I hate that you're taking good care of them in the months you've been here."
You raise your head processing what she says. You straighten up and take a good look at her face to validate that she actually agrees. You nod quickly, that will be enough, it will be enough, it hurts, it burns, but it will be enough.
“As you wish….as you wish…” you pause, the corner of your lips lifting a little. "Thank you....for allowing me to stay."
The Lady stands and keeps a distance, ignoring the pounding of her heart and the whining of her inner alpha. "It is the least I can do." Alcina's steps are heavy. While walking to go to the door, some small noises are heard. When the Lady opens the door, there is no one. She ignores the noise, too conflicted to put her mind to it. She looks over her shoulder at you, tears still falling from your eyes as you now find yourself staring at the fire with a blank, dull expression. Alcina sighs and closes the door, leaving you alone in your wave of guilt.
Unbeknownst to either of you...the girls had heard everything.
You kept your word. You stay away from her at all costs to such a level that when the Lady enters a room and you are there, you move to do another task. You left her wines on different tables so you wouldn't run into her. If not seeing you makes her feel better, so be it. Clarise developed a friendship of sorts with you. She is kind, she makes sure that you at least eat something. After you were dragged away by the Matriarch, you did not return nor did you appear for the next few days to eat. So she took it upon herself to bring you hot food. None of the maids mentioned what happened and that relieves you.
It's your free hour, you're sitting staring gracelessly out the window of the room that you, Clarise, and another omega share. Your moment of isolation is interrupted when the door opens very softly. Clarise pokes her head out, her hair falling a little over her shoulder, she gives you a look, she's not sure whether to come in and bother you because you're so tense lately.
"Darling, you can come in you know." You say making and gesture and giving her a small smile. She brings a tray with bread and some apples cut into pieces.
"I brought you this, if you like." The omega turns to you and leaves the tray on the nightstand.
"Thank you, you shouldn't have bothered."
"Nonsense...I know you need it." she answers. The two of you sat in silence sharing the tray. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see her giving you glances and from that expression, you knew she had questions.
You sigh and turn to her. "Go ahead, I know you have questions."
She blushes with embarrassment for being obvious. "You...what happened?...the Lady seemed very angry."
Letting out a heavy sigh, you prepare to explain everything to her. Forty minutes pass as you explain everything to the young omega in front of you. She puts a piece of apple in her mouth and is quite surprised by what you have told her.
"It makes sense....the girls, they look a lot like you."
You giggle at that. "I know...I dare say more beautiful than me."
"OoOh, your ego is back." You two exchanged different types of conversations until you had to go back to work.
Alcina is surprised by how seriously you take her words. One part is relieved, another is upset. The girls, they act strange. She knows that Bela and Cassandra are not very attached to the maids, but she notices the long glances they give you. Daniela...Daniela seems a little more...excited but cautious, her behavior almost seems normal. For days, after that argument between the two of you, Alcina has been watching you from afar. She watched you comb Daniela's hair, she watched you adjust Cassandra's messy clothes, she grunted, but let you work. She saw you offer help to Bela with her schoolwork, she refused, but in the end she ended up accepting that help.
When those pups don't need you, you are left alone and go out to sit on a bench for long hours when your shift is over. Like now. Alcina watches you from her office window, her eyebrows slowly coming together when she sees you with a cigarette. Yes, she saw you smoking too. Previously she didn't care, she didn't know who you were...until now. She won't deny that she's worried about your condition, but she doesn't really trust you. She feels intoxicated on wine and is imagining that you are there. You are in flesh and blood. The smoke slowly comes out of your mouth, you look like you've just let out a long breath. You lean back further on the bench and let your head fall back while your arms stretch to the sides on the back of the bench. You don't do anything but smoke. You don't have shelter either, the weather today has been windy and you don't do the minimum to accommodate it. The blizzard has messed up your hair. Alcina finds it a little funny. The desire to want to comb your hair, run your fingers through your scalp and smell it crosses her mind. That makes her open her eyes wide and shake her head fiercely. She crushes that desire like an unwanted insect.
Maybe she should go and check on you, to stop you from smoking and get you warm, but that will show that she is softening towards you and she doesn't want that. Even her thought of being away from you is strong and she feels that it is the best.
In the end, the side that longs to have you around won.
Your head is a mess. You should let it go. But you can't...just maybe you could take care of her. Being so close to her and so...so far away. You sigh heavily rubbing your eyes, you get chills from a sudden biting wind. You can even smell her...That pleasant smell of rose bushes, pure buds just blooming. The corner of your lips lifts up a little in enjoyment. You long for her to hold you and kiss your forehead, you love her, you love her too much. You let your mind wander to severe images and scenarios of what everything could have been. That's without realizing that golden eyes are looking at you next to you.
"You should stop smoking."
Your eyes fly open and you turn your head almost robotically. You swallowed heavily and nodded.
"The girls don't like it when you smoke." Alcina replies with her face keeping it serious, but inside, her heart cannot deny that connection.
"I know..." You say in a dull voice.
"Then why do you do it? You know they're watching you."
"It's easier when the pain in your lungs dulls the pain in....." You pause, watching the Alpha who looks at you waiting for you to finish. "It doesn't matter." You sigh, straightening up, somewhat tense. You put out the cigarette and to your surprise, you noticed a slight relief in the Matriarch.
The silence that forms is somewhat heavy and tense. When you look again, you catch the Lady looking away, almost as if she had never been watching you.
"You should dress warmly, it's getting cold." The Matriarch said quickly, turning around leaving you without answering her. Her walk is tense and heavy. It hurts you to know that you are responsible.
You sat for another while. In the distance, Alcina watches you from that window that faces your direction. She lets out a long sigh and walks away, giving you one last look. She should go see the girls, the castle has been quiet, which is strange. They chattering and small fights are daily, but lately they are... appeased. Alcina knows where the girls are, it's not so complicated when you already know their routines. At this time they are mostly in the library. When the Matriarch arrived at that place, she was right, her daughters are sitting there in that long chair while Daniela holds one of the decorative pillows. She clings to that pillow like her life depends on it. Bela is reading to her sisters quite calmly. That image brings a warm smile to the Lady's face.
"Mother?" Little Dani speaks, noticing the powerful presence in the library.
Alcina sighs walking towards the three, she leans down and wraps the three of them in a big hug. This confuses the girls who are gasping for air, since their mother has a large bust.
"Mother, what's happening, you're crushing me." Cassandra grunts, blushing at the affection her mother is providing.
"My girls, I have to tell you something..." Alcina says, looking at her daughters' confused faces. "You may or may not be angry with me...but remember how I said that your mother's name was totally forbidden here? and that it is forbidden to talk about her or mention her?" The girls nod at her dialect understanding what she is trying to say. Alcina closes her eyes and lets out a long breath. "She...your mother is in the castle..."
"..."
"..."
The silence is quite great. Alcina is almost frightened by the great silence of her daughters. "I don't like having secrets from you, so.." The Lady says.
"We know, Mother." Bela says in a whisper. The blonde girl looks at the ground with heavy eyes.
"...You were screaming a lot, Mother." This time it is Daniela who speaks. She looks nervous, fiddling with her fingers and pressing her body closer to her older sister. "It wasn't our intention but...you sounded very angry and...we heard everything."
The Lady looks at her daughters somewhat surprised, but then she relaxes. The alpha knows her daughters are smart. The Lady sighs and gives them a small smile.
"Don't worry, curiosity is part of kids. I just want you to know that...it's your decision if you want to meet her or not. She will stay here working."
Girls feel confused, nervous and don't know what to do since they know your true identity. Daniela is someone who dies of emotion, but she holds back. Now she know why you said those things to Dani in the library. It was you from the beginning.
You spend the days alone. It doesn't surprise you. Alcina doesn't want anything to do with you, the maids already know your story, so in a way they have a little respect for you, but you insist that they treat you normal or you don't know. You don't care.
At the end of it all, you were alone...alone with your grief eating you up inside. You only cling to the faint memories you had with them, with Alcina, the love of your life...the girls...your reasons for living...they matter.
And if their decision is that you stay away, that they don't want to see you, that they don't want you to talk to them...so be it. No matter how much it hurts you, so be it.