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Finn loved Rachel. He really did. When Glee club started he stuck by her side and supported her as much as possible.
She dreamed big dreams. He was determined to help her through them.
But Quinn had sat him down one day and told him very bluntly, that while she may have been the one holding him back in school, Finn would be the one holding Rachel back after it.
She hadn’t meant it in an insulting way, just concerned, brow furrowed as the days counted down to graduation.
Finn didn’t have the same luxury of not graduating yet like some of the others. It occurred to him that Rachel wasn’t so far-fetched in her plans after all. It was for her future. She was thinking ahead. And all he was doing was staying in the present.
Sebastian had miserably failed in trying to motivate Finn to plan for the future, because Finn had absolutely no idea.
His goal was helping Rachel, but as Sebastian and Quinn had rightfully pointed out, what was he supposed to do.
“You can’t be a lawn ornament Finn!” Kurt exclaimed.
Hell, when Rachel caught wind of it, she looked worried too. Everyone was. He was Finn Hudson, small-town Lima loser boy.
The New Directions weren’t the only one to know this. Finn had turned the corner one day and had been splashed with an ice cold bitchslap to the face. Grape flavour. Finn hates that flavour, especially in slushies.
“It’s the future loserboy of Lima!”
They laughed in his face. At the former Quarterback. At the person who used to be the top of the food chain.
He’s not backing down from the insults though, which is why he’s sitting two hours later with Kurt and Sam dabbing at his face with the first aid kit.
“Please don’t tell mom.”
Sam and Kurt share a look.
“And don’t tell Rachel.”
“She already knows,” Sam spoke before Kurt could say anything. “They put the moment on Facebook and it’s being liked and shared everywhere.”
So his parents probably know. Awesome.
“You know it’s okay not to know what you want to do right?” Kurt asked gently. “Not now at least.”
“So when will I know?” Finn asked impatiently, and again, Sam and Kurt share a look.
He hates it. He hates pity.
It’s that same look they give him when they bring up his dad, and it’s grown even worse ever since he knew the truth.
…
It continues.
Freak.
Loser.
Stupid.
Incapable.
Future beggar.
Dumbass.
You’re stuck.
You’ll never amount to anything.
Unacceptable.
Useless.
Burden.
You’ll end up just like your dad.
You’re nothing without your girlfriend.
Look at me. Look at where I’m going. Where are you going? Oh wait… you’re not going anywhere.
Tell me what’s new when I come back in 20 years, Finn… why you? You’re the only one who I know will never leave. Come on. All you got the braincell for is for cleaning shit and stuff. No offence my guy, but you can’t be out there. You can’t.
You don’t have a future Finn. And you’ll never get one. That’s just how it works for people like you.
…
It gets worse.
Finn and Marley were hanging out after school. She sprained her wrist, so Finn had bought her an ice cream. Both of them were talking, on the way back to Finn’s truck. He was talking about his rejection into yet another school. He was hoping to send an appeal.
Azimio bumped into her.
“Hey,” Finn scowled. “Watch it.”
“Sorry, see you there, Lima loserboy.”
Maybe it was the frustration, the repeated slushies and the constant reminders that he just didn’t know what he wanted and that he was staying in Lima forever because he was that incompetent- whatever it was, something in Finn had finally snapped.
He lunged, snarling. He caught Azimio off-guard and pinned him to the floor, landing punch after punch after punch.
“Yo! What the hell are you doing?! Stop! Stupid freak get off!”
All he could hear was the blood rushing to his ears, not Marley’s screaming. Her free hand caught his raised fist that was bloody from Azimio’s broken and bleeding nose, and she was begging him not to hurt him anymore.
“Man, if you’re gonna flip out like that, you might as well not be in the streets. Yous be in a mental asylum.”
“Don’t,” Marley warned. “Don’t. You’re better than this.”
“Man, don't waste your time on him, he’s a small-town boy. He ain’t going nowhere, like his dad. In fact, he and whoever he end up with might as well get their graves ready cause he’s gonna pull them right down into the dirt to meet him permanently.”
And maybe that’s how he ends up riding to the police station in handcuffs and Azimio riding away in an ambulance for a broken arm.
…
Burt bails him out.
His step-dad doesn’t ask about Finn’s puffy eyes. The police officer mechanically informs him that this would be on his record, and that it might impact his chances of getting into a school.
Which meant that if he sent an appeal, it would get shot down instantly.
When he walks into the pick-up point of the police station he finds Burt, Carole, Marley and Rachel there.
Rachel and Marley look suspiciously like they’ve run to the police station.
They pile into Carole’s van. Kurt, Sam and Parker are already there inside. Both boys avoid eye contact with him, instead looking around at other things. Parker is pointedly not looking at him, hyperfocused on her phone. He catches a flash of Sebastian’s name.
Rachel sits next to him, and she is the only one who looks at him, but does not take his hand.
Marley avoids him like the plague, opting to sit far away from him. He doesn’t blame her. Given her history, she was right to be wary of him. Bless Parker, she acts as a buffer between them even though she’s giving him the cold shoulder.
He himself doesn’t look at Burt or Carole.
Marley’s leg is bouncing. Kurt’s chewing at his fingernails. Rachel is oddly silent. Sam is fiddling with a Star Wars Millennium Falcon fidget spinner. Parker is the only one who remained still, fingers tapping rapidly on her phone screen.
Finn could feel the tension in the van.
At long last, Kurt pulls out his phone and texts Blaine, prompting Sam to do the same with Mercedes.
He shifts, feeling uneasy. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him out of the corner of their eyes, and he immediately stops moving.
The stares don’t go away for a good moment or two. He feels like a volcano about to burst, unable to take the silent pressure on him anymore.
When Burt pulls over, he was immensely glad to be out of the suffocating space. Everybody else climbs out, slowly making their way over to the house. All of them stop short when they realize the window was broken, as if someone threw a brick at it. Scrawled on the walls were graffiti containing slurs, but most of all it was simply death threats and insults aimed at Finn. Toilet paper littered the garden like snow. Rolls of the stuff were coming down the roof.
He didn’t cry. He did enough of that in the holding cell. All he could do was stare.
They all did.
“Finn.”
He bends down to pick up the toilet paper, and with a roar, he drops it and stomps on it like a madman. He curses angrily, because all he had now was anger piling onto more anger. They don’t say anything, just watch him jump onto the 3 ply screaming that it wasn’t fair that he turned out this way, that he was a no good failure no matter how hard he tried. He screams until his voice turns hoarse and he collapses into sobs. Big, heaving sobs as the kids surround him and pull him into a group embrace. He cries louder, tries to break free, but Rachel holds onto him tighter, pressing a kiss to his temple as if he would disappear if she let go.
“It’s not fair… you all have your lives and I… I can’t go anywhere…”
His words are muffled by Rachel’s arms, as he sags against his step-brother and best friend at the end of it all, tired and completely spent. Sam and Parker support him inside and let him down on his bed, Rachel snuggling into his side soon after, everyone vacating the room immediately.
He could hear Burt yelling into the phone, screaming about something to be done to one Azimio Adams. There’s a lot of talking going on downstairs.
“I don’t fucking care if his dad’s rich. I want him punished. All the bullying has gone on far enough. I thought you learned your lesson with Dave Karofsky. I’m not letting my sons go through the same things again.”
“... hi buddy… remember that IOU I said I wanted back in exchange for your stupid blackmail? I’m calling it now. I don’t care what you have to do, I need you to…”
“Hey mom? Yeah. I’m at the Hudson-Hummel house. Can I… Can I stay for a sleepover? The entire Glee club is coming. Okay, mom. I’ll be careful. Parker’s with me. Thanks, I love you, bye.”
“Hey, ‘Cedes. Yeah, Finn’s fine now. Everyone’s fine. We’re just at home. Yeah, we could use a sleepover tonight… and some help cleaning up the graffiti here. It’s not that bad. I just think Finn could use some support tonight.”
“Hey Carole? Tina said she wanted to bring some alphabet soup for the sleepover. I think my brother may have let his guilty pleasure slip, and she has enough to share for everyone.”
“My boy… he’s never been shy about alphabet soup, I don’t think. Of course she can bring some. Anything to make Finn feel better. I just wish he told me earlier before this.”
He tunes out their voices, focusing instead on Rachel in his arms.
“Do you hate me?”
“For what you did? I don’t like it. But I don’t blame you.”
“But I have nothing. Will you love a loser like me?”
“You’re not a loser.” Rachel snuggled closer to him. “You’re Finn Hudson, and that’s enough for me.”
He kept Rachel in his arms, the doubt flooding his mind.
Finn Hudson finally made a plan for the future.
He would set Rachel free from him.
But right now, he would cherish the moment.