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NO. no. this is just so not happening again! AGAIN!
The room is silent as Liam takes heavy breaths. Niall is eying him warily, while Harry is trying to check the doorway every 5 minutes. Louis is just trying his best not to slap Liam out of his reverie…or rather angry fuming reverie.
Seriously! It’s like he hasn’t spoken for an hour almost since the boys broke the news. They didn’t mean to. They just thought Liam must be knowing about the new “zerrie” outing. They didn’t know it was going to hit him like a whiplash and he was going to spend the next half and hour looking up at the ceiling and thinking god knows what!
Zayn had safely excused himself for his smoke break after the interview before they came to their hotel room, probably to gather the guts to talk to Liam about this, but Harry was hitting himself worrying over, what was going to happen when he finally comes and sees his boyfriend in a freaking paralyzed state!
Niall bit his lip and reached towards Liam. He was the only one Liam would not kill accidentally. So he was the only one to take that chance.
“Liam? Talk to me mate. C’mon it ain’t that bad is it? You must be used to it by now.”
Louis turns a disbelieving glare towards Niall, which he chooses to ignore as Liam finally stirs. He blinks twice then turns his head towards Niall.
“yeah. I should be right? I mean she’s his fiancé after all! Wouldn’t wanna be the one to ruin that heavenly bond or something.”
Louis winces and starts to say something but is stopped by Harry’s frantic look, telling him Zayn is coming.
See, the thing is, these boys are absolutely pathetic at sign language, especially stealthy sign language. So Liam gets the message perfectly before even Niall has the time to understand and gets up with a huff and leaves the room.
“Ah liam–“ , but Liam’s already left and stomped off to his bedroom, whose door shuts like it’s supposed to be heard by the entire country. Help that wood!
“Hey! What’s going on? What’r you guys doing here, looking like someone just died.” Zayn chuckled entering the room and looking around. Louis looked at him carefully. Yup. He was really high. By the look of him, Louis would say he probably finished one full pack. He shook his head, a sigh falling from his lips.
“I think we should leave. I mean we have done enough already.” Harry mutters slowly, not knowing what else to say, as he nudges Louis.
“What? What was that Haz?” Zayn looked at Harry and Louis incredulously. His eyebrows knotting together when no one answered and everyone just avoided looking at him.
Looking around the room for the first time, he realized what was missing.
“Where is Liam?” He asked.
Niall finally stood up, looks like he’s the one with the guts today!
‘Umm, yea about that Zayn. Umm. Look. Let’s get it out.” Niall takes a deep breath and lays it all down to a paling Zayn. “You obviously did not tell Liam about your and Perrie’s wonderful date tomorrow, which we had no idea about. And we sort of slipped it out in front of Liam, who had no idea about it, and now he’s lying on the cold hard ground–“Harry gives him a look. “–okay no that’s not a good idea. What I meant was that he has gone mute and is, I think, silently killing everyone in his mind”
By the time Niall finishes, Zayn is trying NOT to strangle someone.
No. Cut that. He is trying VERY HARD NOT to strangle everyone! He anyway had a hard time accepting the piece of information himself, and now his friends just spilled it all pretty unceremoniously to Liam.
He groans, putting his head in his hands.
Liam probably thinks he hid it from him.
Or worse, that he WANTS to go and didn’t want to tell Liam. Zayn knows how unreasonable and stupid Liam can get when it comes to anything ZaynandPerrie related.
“Where is he?” he mutters through his hands.
“In his bed” Harry answers quickly.
Zayn heaves an exhausted breath. “Alright! Am gonna go and see him. Thanks for taking my burden of breaking the news. You guys have been really helpful so far.” He quips, not being able to stop himself.
Harry and Niall give him an apologetic look as they stand up and pat him on his back, starting to leave.
“Lou you can go. I can do this alone. It’s alright.” Zayn looks at Louis, who still sitting staring at the floor. He looks up as Harry and Niall make it to the doorway and stands up. But before Zayn can shut the door behind him, Louis leans and whispers Liam’s last words before he stomped off to his room.
With that, the room is finally empty as Zayn slumps against the closed door. His heart beating frantically. But wait! Isn’t it supposed to be cracked or something! Zayn thinks as Liam’s words play over his mind.
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The next morning
Liam wakes up to the bright light flitting through the curtains. He turns over to see Zayn’s sleeping form rolled into his own side rather than taking up Liam’s side as he usually does. He looks up to the ceiling, (that’s something he does a lot these day, I think the ceilings should feel conscious at the looks Liam throws them). The entire episode of the night before comes floating in his mind. The dried tear tracks still sticky on his face.
Yup. It was a pretty bad fight. One of those, they had avoided religiously for so long but somehow yesterday was too much. How could Zayn not tell him something this important! And then he comes with the words –“ babe I din’t know how say it to you!” What is that supposed to mean!
He winces at the things he had shouted at Zayn in his moment of red hot anger. And all those things Zayn shouted back.
“God liam! You are such a pain! Do you know how hard it is for me to face you with such things let alone face the situations themselves! It’s hard for me too okay! Am not exactly enjoying this!”
“Oh! Is it my fault now Zayn Malik! Am I not better than your pretty fiancé to handle your shit is it!”
“Liam! That is absolutely not what I meant!”
“Then what did you want to say! That you were just going to fucking dress up and go for that fucking DATE and fucking roam around with her fucking hands in yours with that fucking ring on her finger, that just screams that you are fucking hers!
“Liam would you just stop shouting! You were the one to go to that fucking Tiffany with your girlfriend. And I might add I had NO IDEA.”
“But nothing had happened there!”
“So where am I saying we are going to fucking celebrate our honeymoon tomorrow!”
“Oh right! That! You have discussed that with her too haven’t you! Cause I saw her talking about it beaming like an IDIOT in front of millions of people on LIVE TV!”
“WHAT!? Where did YOU see that!”
“Doesn’t matter zayn! It’s done. You are engaged. Your families are getting all chummy. We don’t even get to look at each other, and she gets to snog your life away in the middle of the streets. So yeah, I have a reason to get pissed.”
“Liam!”
“This discussion is over. You better sleep, don’t want to let your lady see you with dark circle do we.”
“FINE! Just because you are acting like an ass, am gonna make sure I look better than I intended to!”
“You vain idiot!”
“You Payne in the ass!”
Liam shakes his head as he comes back to the present. He literally had to bite his tongue from saying-“no babe! Am just Payne in your ass!” But that would lead to a steamy session of things unmentionable between them and the stupid date and fight would be long forgotten. But Liam didn’t want to forget it that easily!
To think about it, their fight was pretty childish and Zayn was right, he did act like an ass! But c’mon! He’s the one listening to non stop “OH! How CUTE zerrie babies are going to be!” without starting off a third world war!
In some part of the middle of the night, the reality of the their relationship set in. and that, exactly that is what brought to tears Liam Payne’s eyes, which he wiped away as silently as possible, because he knew if Zayn heard him, he would turn over and they would make up just like that.
But no! He wanted to stay angry. Only anger would give him the strength to watch Zayn’s back when he would leave today.
He sighs, sitting up.
Looks beside him to Zayn’s still sleeping form, looking so small and fragile. He reaches over to him, checking if he is awake. When he is sure Zayn’s still asleep. He slides a soft finger down his nose, along his jaw line, brushing against his cheekbones as he whispers “Do you how hard it is to not just fuck you when we fight? Do you know how much I am madly in love? Do you know how much it hurts?” And with that he leaves the bed, making his way towards the bathroom.
Zayn’s eyes flutter open, as a small smile curves into his face. “I know.”
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5PM
Oh, I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line
That leads me home alone
They haven’t talked yet. It’s like a game of avoiding each other till it’s all over and they can fall back in each others arms. But Zayn is finding it hard not to just grab Liam and shut themselves in their room forever and never come out.
As he gets ready he looks at the mirror. There’s no Liam behind him, giving him ridiculous tips to ditch the evening or ruin it or cause a scandal. He is feeling the weight in his stomach get heavier every minute. Is he alone this time?
Before, he would come home from such evenings with the belief that Liam would wash away everything and bath him in the love that they share, so he could easily forget everything that had happened. But today he doesn’t know if it’s going to be that way or not. He hasn’t seen Liam since 3pm.
He sighs as he finally lets his hand drop from his coat. He is in his formals today. It’s an evening dine at a posh diner. He’s got his hair nicely styled (courtesy-Lou). Just like the way Liam loves it, actually is crazy for, with a silly “accidental” strand falling on his forehead. Oh yea! He wasn’t joking when he had challenged Liam last night. But where was he! Zayn’s efforts are going to go waste!
Ironic how it’s all not for the girl he’s going on date with, but the boy he’s leaving behind.
To come back to of course!
He always comes to him! He’s like Zayn's North Star. Always the brightest. Showing him the way out of this chaos and drama that is his life!
He finally looks at the clock. 6pm.
With a sad smirk he takes his phone, giving himself a last look, and makes his way out of the bedroom.
All I know
I still got mountains to climb
On my own, on my own
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Liam checks his watch. It’s 5 past six. Zayn must have left already. He opens the door of their shared hotel room and locks it behind him. Turning around to gasp, letting the Chinese takeaway fall from his hands as he finds the man he has been trying desperately to avoid all day, standing right in front of him.
But wait! That ain’t all! God, that ain’t even half of it. Liam’s eyes rake over Zayn’s suit clad body unflattering.
Zayn finds his cheeks burning as he coughs to hide his embarrassing reaction to Liam’s eyes scanning his body. God he’s such a girl!
Zayn’s cough brings Liam back to his senses as he looks everywhere but him. Then he bends down to pick his things from the floor. But Zayn’s already there in a flash, picking up the plastic bag and the keys too and looking up into Liam’s eyes as he stands up. Liam takes them from his hands and makes his way past him but Zayn blocks his way.
“Liam—“
“Zayn please lets not talk about it okay! You are getting late and I am just too tired for this now.” Liam looks past him. And it stings Zayn just a little, but he nods because he knows he will make it alright, it’s just a matter of few more hours and then he’s gonna make it up no matter what.
So he puts his hand on Liam’s cheek, kissing his light stubble. “I love you. I’ll be back before you even miss me.’
And with that he leaves.
But before he could close the door he heard a small “missin you already.”
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Do you love me enough to let me go?
The entire ride to the place is quite and gives Zayn enough time to think. Liam loves him. And he so lucky to have this man, who loves him in a way he would never have thought possible. He had seen people in love, becoming demanding, selfish and rude. Self centered. HELL! He had been a little selfish a lot of times. Who wouldn’t be if they had what he had!
But Liam always gave. His way of loving was always giving. Giving in and giving up to Zayn all that he had. And he knew that when Liam let him go on these outings with Perrie, is when he indirectly shows how much he loves him. How much he ready to take for him. How much he is ready to give to this estranged but oddly perfect relationship of theirs.
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you
Do you love me enough to let me go?
∼∼∼∼∼∼∼
Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful, tonight
He had promised himself he wouldn’t open the telly. He had promised his friends he wouldn’t open the telly. Louis had even offered to babysit him, but he had refused saying he could handle it. He was not a child anymore!
But here he was. Staring at the television like a grumpy cat. The camera spanned across the reporter to where the couple came out of the car to enter the diner. Zayn came out first, helping Perrie out. She looked pretty. Or maybe it was because of that man who was holding her hand and smiling up to the cameras.
Liam knew Zayn would look good. But THIS! He hadn’t expected this! Zayn knew this look drives him abso-fuckin-lutely crazy! And look how he’s looking just fine smirking at the camera as if he knows Liam’s sitting right behind them. He probably does.
He looks beautiful. Right out of a mid summer’s dream. With those eyes, that say a million things which you wouldn’t even know if you weren’t as attuned to them as Liam was. Right now they looked fake. Happy but fake, like he was trying to mask what was going on inside him...
After a few more agonizing minutes, the telly’s off. The takeaway is over. And Liam just sits staring at the ceiling. He should consider a relationship with the ceiling really! It will be quite fulfilling!
After those harmful dose of zerrie headlines he had turned the telly off and switched over to twitter. BAD IDEA!
“OMG! They are looking so in love! #zerrieforever”
In love my ass!
But that wouldn't let Liam stop his thoughts.
Where they looking in love? Had Zayn finally realized Liam wasn’t worth it? Had he found out how much easier it was to be with her and just give in? Had Zayn finally let go of Liam? Was he going to bring her back and tell Liam that it’s much more right to love her than him. Because she isn’t as insecure and snappy as him and Zayn deserved much better than what he could offer…because that’s true isn’t it?
Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight..
∼∼∼∼∼∼∼
Zayn tried not to break into a run as he said his goodbyes to Perrie. He’s late and he knows it as he shakes his legs impatiently as if willing the car to turn into a rocket and shoot towards the hotel and towards Liam.
Suddenly his phone pinged. He frowned as he took it out. Who would text him now!?
1 new message from Harry.
It read- “Li ws alone. Wudnt let us in. tke care. U knw hw much he thinks. : /”
Zayn closed it and looked ahead to see where were they. He slumped back trying to assess how bad the situation would be. Liam was alone the entire evening. That was scary.
Because that gave his cute stupid brain a lot of time to thing very stupid theories of how Zayn deserved someone better than Liam. OR how he did NOT deserve someone like Liam who is just Liam.
What Liam doesn’t understand and what Zayn has given up trying to make him understand is that Liam is his fuckin Batman. And he wouldn’t have him any other way!
Zayn can only hope Liam hasn’t watched too much telly or twitter. Well, that’s a lost hope he knows already.
But every seed dies before it grows
∼∼∼∼∼∼∼
Whatever happens next is a bit hazy. For both Liam and Zayn.
According to Zayn, he just entered the the room with his spare key and rushed in, only to collide unceremoniously with Liam’s half naked and wet body. Whoa! That’s a nice surprise!
According to Liam, not being able to bare the doubts he goes to douse himself with hot water. Then cold water. Till he became numb. Then as he walks out with a towel wrapped around his torso and another ruffling his hair with, he bumps into a suit clad Zayn.
They both stand like that for a few minutes before Liam’s hands are automatically lifting to unbutton the suit as Zayn’s hands go to Liam’s wet hair to pull him closer.
Their lips meet in the most painfully beautiful way. Sending off waves of desires in each of theirs bodies.
Liam can’t be held responsible for literally ripping Zayn’s clothes off because, SERIOUSLY look at him! His hair, his eyes and then that walk of his showing of his body in that suit and- ah! finally skin! He thinks as his hands move under that shirt. Their lips still connected, their tongues trying to taste each other as if they were separated for an eternity.
Did they make it to the bed. Liam doesn’t know. All he knows is that it took really less time for them to get naked and then Zayn was touching him in the most impossibly loving and passionate way. His head thrashed to the soft surface they were lying on, breathing hard. He would’ve come with just that if only Zayn hadn’t moved up to suck a painful possessive love bite on Liam’s neck. By doing so, Liam got a smell of Perrie’s perfume from his hair. And he went stiff.
Zayn must have got what had happened cause he just brought Liam closer to his body and breathed hotly against his ear.
Breathe it in and let it go
Liam moaned as Zayn resumed his touching but was now taking that to a higher level, blinding every thought Liam could process in his head. As he went painfully slow but still so hard.
Every breath you take is not your to own
It's not your to hold
No lube. No condom. Their love making was pure and raw and just full of all the emotions Zayn did not want to speak but show.
It was burning. It was painful. But Zayn’s kisses made everything disappear. Liam was panting heavily as Zayn whispered soft words in his ears that were filling his mind, driving away all the thoughts from the evening. All the doubts from the evening.
But his voice was straining now as he thrusted with all he had into Liam. And Liam’s long drawn moans and the breathtaking sight of him writhing in pleasure under Zayn was just too much. It was making Zayn dizzy, but he din’t stop his words…
This is all for you baby. All for you. I am just for you. My body is just for you. My heart is just for you. My love is just for you. And my life is just for you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Never.
With that and a muffled scream Liam came undone. And Zayn followed a few seconds later as his teeth bruised the skin on Liam’s collarbone.
They lied like that, probably for hours.
They were sweaty and sticky, and really not in the best position. But Zayn could hear Liam’s heartbeats, could feel his strong arms holding him right there, could taste Liam for as long as he wanted as they kissed each other till the other got the message clearly implanted in their brains.
You are mine. And am yours.
Do you love me enough to let me go?
Liam had loved him. Enough to let him go. Enough to trust him.
And Zayn had returned the love right back. He was never going to let him go. Never.
There will be more such outings, more painful evenings with doubts. But both of them knew how it would end.
It would end with them like this. Deep in each others embrace. Falling in love all over again everyday. And assuring each other, that the other would always be there to chase the nightmares away.
But right now, Zayn has to think of a new hairstyle for the next possible outing, cause Liam’s made a right mess of it, he thinks as he looks at the mirror. It’s gonna take a long time to get it back to normalcy.
Liam smirks as he drops a kiss to zayn’s shoulder, catching his eyes in the mirror, his own are sparkling with a mischievous glint. Oh! He knows what he’s done! Bloody payne in the — I mean payne in my ass!
Zayn laughs as he pushes Liam in the cold water of the tub, going in right after him.
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