Chapter Text
Hello, this chapter is to explain the trigger warnings throughout the book.
THERE WILL BE MAJOR SPOILERS. This is on purpose, so you know about more of what you're getting into and you can make the most informed decision as to whether or not you want to read it.
Definition of trigger warning: statement at the start of a piece of writing, video, etc., alerting the reader or viewer to the fact that it contains potentially distressing material (often used to introduce a description of such content).
That being said, this story will have a lot of distressing material for certain readers. When I chose to rewrite this, I really wanted to focus on the mental health of the characters since I felt it was glossed over in the canon series.
Types of triggers this story will have:
Anxiety/Depression: There is not one specific chapter that I can point to that has this, but it is definitely in there, especially in a sixth year on, and even in fifth year, too. Seventh year and eigth year both have deep-dives into these subjects, with both feelings and thoughts described in depth.
Graphic panic attacks: because I have suffered panic attacks, I do not take that term lightly and therefore chose to write them true to my experience. Meaning, they are graphic depictions.
Complex PTSD: This is the version of post-traumatic distress disorder that occurs following repeat trauma. Both Harry and Draco have numerous flashbacks following the war, and again, are similar to a panic attack in how they feel. Additionally, the both of them have nightmares. They do get treatment for this so they talk about it in eighth year often.
Suicidal ideation: This comes up multiple times throughout the book, at the end of fifth year and throughout sixth, seventh, and eighth year as a result of trauma, grief and loss.
Eating disorder/Anorexia Nervousa: Harry will develop an eating disorder severe enough to hospitalize him in Eighth Year. Though, from the beginning of the story, he doesn't eat much, it is not acknowledged as a problem until Chapter 22, throughout sixth year, seventh year, and especially eighth year. He will face treatment for it through the entirety of eighth year. Additionally, he will suffer a bit from body dysmorphia but more hatred towards how he looks.
Emotional abuse: gaslighting and manipulation
Smut/graphic depiction of a sexual situation: They bang for seven hours. Nuff said. There are multiple places where this is throughout the book, including masturbation. The clean version will not have this, but the clean version is still being edited, so I have just put warnings up. Yes, these scenes are graphic.
That being said, if these are topics that trigger you, then this might not be the story for you and that's totally okay! It's much more important to stay healthy and look out for yourself.
Triggers laid out chapter by chapter
CHAPTER 19 - SELF DISCOVERY
TW: Graphic depiction of a sexual situation
Firstly, Draco and Harry stumble upon two older students who are having sex in a closet. Description is only one paragraph long.
However, this causes Draco to learn about himself and discovers masturbation. He graphically masturbates.
CHAPTER 22 - THE CHAMBER
TW: eating disorder, unhealthy memory recall/bad relationship with food
Harry tells Draco about his issues with food growing up with the Dursley's. Really, Harry's weight is alluded to quite often throughout the story, but this is when he divulges that he has been starved and has had a really bad relationship with food. It obviously is a place of discomfort for him and he has really bad anxiety about it.
CHAPTER 27 - TO FEEL SAFE
TW: suicidal ideation
Following Sirius's death, Harry wishes that he was dead instead of Sirius, or along with Sirius. These feelings continue into the next chapter and are expressed verbally. He is in obvious grief and distress.
CHAPTER 28 - DRACO'S BIRTHDAY.
TW: suicidal ideation; eating disorder, unhealthy memory recall/bad relationship with food
As per the chapter before, Harry wishes he was dead with Sirius after his possession from Voldemort. Additionally, he takes it out on his body and does not eat but Draco coaches him through it.
Sixth year in general
Sixth year is when the story takes a turn for the worst and most of the trauma which is then followed up on through the rest of the story occurs. It is advisable that if you are uncomfortable with this stuff that you stop reading the story, as it will be prevalent throughout the rest of it:
emotional abuse and manipulation (pretty severe), panic attacks, bloody arm (not caused by self harm) suicidal ideation (no attempts)
I additionally have not put in any depression trigger warnings though it is quite obvious that Draco gets really depressed, though I would say based on circumstance, not because of a chemical imbalance.
CHAPTER 33 - THE CABINET
TW: Emotional abuse; Bloody arm. No one actively self-harms, but the thought of a bloody arm might be triggering.
After receiving the Dark Mark, Draco realizes that he can't be with Harry anymore, so in an attempt to get Harry to hate him, he becomes emotionally abusive towards him, though Harry doesn't notice it at first. It does get pretty rough starting in this chapter and continuing through the next several chapters. Things like gaslighting him, calling Harry annoying and high maintenance and just being plain mean and manipulative.
Draco's Dark Mark reacts to Harry in a way that his arm feels like it is being cruicoed, and additionally this causes the skin to break and him to bleed. This continues throughout the rest of sixth year to varying degrees.
CHAPTER 34 - SEEDS
TW: Emotional abuse
This chapter is literally called seeds because it's Draco planting seeds of being abusive towards him for when Harry finds out about the Dark Mark. Especially in this chapter, Draco oscillates between being very accusatory and gaslighty to being a caring and loving boyfriend.
CHAPTER 35 - SLIPPING AWAY
TW: Emotional abuse; suicidal ideation
Draco gaslights Harry more and in feeling out of control crosses a boundary which he set for himself about the Dursley's, and he tells Harry that "the Dursleys had a point" in hurting Harry, which sets him off the edge and makes him ask Pansy if she would be willing to kill him. This phrase will become traumatic for Draco throughout the rest of the story because of course he regrets ever saying it.
This ends the emotional abuse while they are together as boyfriends as it shocks Draco out of his plan.
CHAPTER 36 - BANDAGE
TW: Bloody arm. No one actively self-harms, but the thought of a bloody arm might be triggering.
The couple makes up and spends a night in the room of requirement together after Draco apologizes. In fear of dying over Christmas break, Draco offers to have sex but they cannot really do much because his arm starts to bleed profusely to the point there is blood on the sheets.
CHAPTER 39 - THE HUNT
TW: graphic panic attack
During an assassination attempt, Harry nearly catches Draco and Draco has a graphic panic attack. Harry gets him a calming draught, which calms him down.
CHAPTER 39 - THE HUNT THROUGH CHAPTER 43 - MURDER
The rest of sixth year also has emotional abuse, as Harry finds out about the Dark Mark. From that point forward, Draco has to force Harry to hate him and he does so by dangling the fact that Voldemort is hunting him, the fact his parents were murdered, as well as Cedric, Sirius, etc...
Additionally, Draco has suicidal thoughts and can't wait to die knowing Harry doesn't love him and he has to fulfill the mission.
CHAPTER 44 - WORDSWORTH
TW: emotional abuse
The chapter starts off in the aftermath of Draco getting beaten for 3 days as a punishment, though Draco barely remembers it. His body is totally destroyed. He is forced to torture his classmates as well.
When Harry opens the locket, a horcrux form of Draco comes out and taunts him in an emotionally abusive way, which Harry has a severe reaction to.
CHAPTER 45 - SOMNIUM AMICA MIA
TW: PTSD, suicidal ideation, panic attack
Draco and Harry make up after Harry reads Draco's diary confessing everything, so now their relationship becomes much better, though Draco is resistant and filled with guilt.
Draco is forced to go on a mission where he watches an entire family get murdered. This does not happen on screen, however, the scene starts with Draco in his bathroom debating on committing suicide. Harry stops him from doing so (via a dream spell which allows them to visit each other in their sleep). He has a mental breakdown and a panic attack which passes.
CHAPTER 48 - TIP TOE
TW: sexual situtaions
(Takes place after the war). They masturbate at the thought of each other and then they dry hump to orgasm at the end of the chapter.
CHAPTER 49 REAWAKENED LOVE
TW: graphic smut
The entire fucking chapter is 20,000 words of smut. Did I ever intend it to be that long? No. I asked everyone if they wanted me to write out a joke of "they banged for 7 hours" and everyone said yes, so ask and you shall receive. Graphic oral and anal sex over multiple rounds... magically.
Also note in the next chapter, CHAPTER 50 - THE MORNING AFTER, that they are naked when they wake up and talk about the previous night but they don't do anything graphic
CHAPTER 52 - FUNERALS
TW: eating disorder, unhealthy memory recall/bad relationship with food
Harry can't bring himself to eat during the funerals and his first mention of an eating disorder voice occurs. It will continue throughout most of the story afterwards.
CHAPTER 53 - HARRY'S FRIENDS
TW: grief, panic attacks, nightmares/PTSD, suicidal ideation
Following going to funerals in the previous chapter, Harry has constant panic attacks which he takes calming draught for. He additionally has screaming nightmares that give him suicidal ideation.
CHAPTER 54 - GOLD STARS
TW: grief, panic attacks, nightmares/PTSD, eating disorder; flashbacks
is kidnapped from Grimmauld Place by Aurors and forced into Azkaban, causing Harry to spiral into PTSD. He has nightmares and really bad anxiety which makes the Weasley's force him to go to St. Mungo's for treatment. He does not want treatment and is very bitter being there. He does not want to get better, so instead finds ways to manipulate himself out of there. He does not eat and hides his food. He makes plans to blow up Azkaban which puts him in inpatient treatment and he is forced to stay for weeks
Additionally, his eating disorder voice forms-a separate voice that constantly talks for him and convinces him that he will suffer if he eats and that him eating is the reason Draco is in Azkaban.
Back at the Weasley's, Harry pretends he is okay when he clearly restricts eating.
While cleaning the castle, Harry begins having graphic flashbacks.
I did want to note that Harry's eating disorder voice is centered in the belief that bad things happen externally if he eats; as someone who is body positive, I wanted to make it less about his body and more about his fear of life. His eating disorder voice never calls him fat. Later on in real treatment, Harry hates his body more because he feels his abuse from the Dursleys is seen through malnourishment and his structure. I really hate it when people call themselves or other people fat and I personally have taken it out of my vocabulary so I did not feel comfortable having his eating disorder voice call him fat. I did have an author's note before eighth year stating not to compare mental health journeys as Harry's disorder is specific to his trauma and abuse growing up.
CHAPTER 56 - UNEASY THROUGH CHAPTER 63 - THE BALL
TW: PTSD; anorexia; suicidal ideation
Most chapter headings will start with this warning, as they all build on each other. Draco's memory is obliviated of him leaving Harry obsessively trying to find out answers. His eating disorder voice convinces him to believe that this happened because he has been eating food (despite restricting). Thus, he begins starving himself. Ron and Hermione try to convince him to eat and bring him food as he begins searching for answers but he either only eats that one thing or he doesn't even eat that. Harry wears clothes that Draco gave him which feature sizing capabilites so that they are always tailored perfectly. He hides behind that because it doesn't look like he is losing weight for quite a while.
Harry refuses treatment while Draco ignores him more even yells at him and his mental health goes down a slippery slope until Ron forces him to St. Mungo's after seeing him with his shirt off. At this point, he can't even lift Teddy who came to visit.
He does his best to fight for Draco but then realizes that Draco is getting worse and doesn't remember him at all. He finally visits the therapist that McGonagall has provided him with and is hospitalized again.
After telling Draco about his memory loss, Draco doesn't believe him and wants him gone anyway making Harry suicidal but he doesn't give up just yet until after he decides to obliviate himself.
As a last wish, he asks Draco to burn all the mementoes that they have collected over the years, but Harry then has heart failure due to his anorexia. Draco takes him to the hospital where the heart failure receives treatment but the prognosis isn't good so he offers to die during a surgery if it means that Draco gets his memories back.
Overall, this entire section is very sad and triggering, so I would advise you not to read it if you're not in the right headspace.
CHAPTERS 65 COMPLICATIONS - END
TW: PTSD; anorexia; suicidal ideation
Draco chooses to keep his memories and has a transfer which allows him to go back to normal but Harry's body is devistated from the surgery. He eventually wakes up but is at rock bottom in terms of recovery.
He finally admits to having an eating disorder and begins having treatment. He actively fights his eating disorder voice and though it takes many months to recover, he eventually does.
There are dark spots but the worst is over with. He eats and directly combats these bad thoughts about his body and about food.
I thought it was important to note that the story does have a happy ending. By the epilogue, they have built a life that they love and are incredibly happy. Though treatment is ongoing and lifelong, they are incredibly proud and happy to have made it through the trenches, coming out stronger than they ever had been.