Chapter Text
“Hmmm.”
Lily raises her eyes from her notes to look at James. He is standing by the coffee table of their newly assembled library, a frown on his face as he stares at the candlestick on the table.
“What, in the name of Merlin’s balls, is this?”
Lily glances at the open door, but there’s no one around; that’s better. Harry has been in that stage where he can’t help but repeat all their words – and especially slang.
“Petunia sent me as a Christmas gift.”
“Petunia? Your sister?”
“How many Petunias do you know?”
“It’s just—are you sure it wasn’t Sirius who sent this as a prank?”
“Yes—why?”
James raises his eyebrows. “Have you seen this?”
Lily looks at the candlestick again. It’s a nice standard gift, she supposes – Lily sent her sister a gift as well, and that was their way of acknowledging each other’s existence but also acknowledging they both knew they were better off not meeting each other.
The candlestick is painted in gold; instead of the usual stick ending in three bases for the candles, this fits just one candle, and its base is shaped in the form of three balls that support the candle – or it would if there was one.
Lily doesn’t see anything that could really bother James this much, but then he grabs a candle and places it in the middle of it; and then, from her angle, understanding hits her.
“That is—oh, no. She did not.”
“She did.”
“She can’t have not noticed this,” Lily mumbles, but she also doubts that Petunia would see the malice in it, even when it’s literally sticking out of it.
“No, I think she just asked out for the worst possible ornament in the gift shop.” He pauses for a moment, lips trembling. “Maybe she didn’t realise she was in a sex shop.”
“Ugh. I don’t really need to think about my sister in a sex shop, James!”
He grimaces. “Now that you mention, neither do I. Your brother-in-law seems like the type who would feel threatened by any toy.”
“Again, I don’t need this image.” She bites her lip. “What do we do?”
“I say we get rid of it. Can you imagine what Sirius would say if we had a—a suggestive candlestick in our library?”
Lily nods, deepening her voice and mimicking Sirius’ haughtiest voice. “Oh, James, now I understand why you spend so much time in the library.”
James laughs. “I didn’t know you wanted to get so burned, James.”
“Careful not to get wax on your balls.”
“Ouch.” Sirius’ voice is loud as he enters the room, bringing Harry on his shoulders. “Who would want to get their balls—why is there a dick on your coffee table?”
“Dick!” Harry repeats happily.
Lily exchanges a glance with Sirius before hiding her face between her hands. Petunia always got her the worst Christmas gifts.