Chapter Text
There was a shadow on the ceiling that looked like a penguin in a top hat. Craig named him Prince. It felt like the best-suited name for such a noble creature. And he was an extraordinary penguin. Not the usual boring kind whose minds were occupied with nothing more than food and survival. No, he was a magnificent being; an explorer of outer space, a scientist, a Nobel Prize winner in physics, and in his spare time posted guitar lessons for kids on YouTube. He was truly the ultimate treasure of the planet Earth.
The wind picked up outside, shaking the branches of the tree in front of the window, and dear Prince diminished into a rocking deformed black patch, joining the rest of the shapeless shadows on the ceiling. Sorrow seeped into Craig’s heart, and he mourned the loss of such an exceptional soul.
It’s always the good ones that had to be taken away so early.
Craig sniffed but it wasn’t enough to stop the snot running, so he gathered all the energy he had left in his exhausted body and wiped his nose into the cuff of his shirt.
Outside his prison cell — which on better days was called his bedroom — the Sun drunkenly leaned against the cold mountain ridge, almost tipping over it, but somehow managed to hold on, though not for long now. The darkness of the night was climbing up the sky like a stubborn mule. Yet, it was still only around 6 p.m. How was it even possible that a mere ten hours had passed since he got sent home from school? Craig couldn’t figure it out, but he was starting to suspect that he might be edging toward insanity. He glanced up at the ceiling, there was no sign of Prince’s return.
He saluted to the black mess that replaced the remarkable penguin.“So long, friend,” he muttered and slipped out of bed. It was time for another toilet break.
Unexpectedly, this time the door rushed towards him, and before he even had a chance to react, his body collided with it. He stumbled backward and the door opened, revealing his failed assassin. Cold shower poured down on Craig’s body and his stomach clenched. He couldn’t help but to stare into the intruder’s deep blue, tired eyes and watch his lips tip into a sheepish lopsided smile.
“Hey, Craig.” The familiar voice shattered the wall of disbelief inside Craig.
“Kenny? What the hell are you doing here?” Craig whispered. The words came out rusty and weak, scratching the back of his throat. He wasn’t hallucinating, it was most certainly Kenneth McCormick. The last person Craig was was prepared to see at that moment…
The smile faded from Kenny’s face as he slipped inside the room, closing the door behind himself.
“Karen said you called earlier, asking to talk to me.” Kenny hesitated for a moment, before he continued with a hint of nervousness in his voice. “So here I am.”
“Yeah, but,” Craig looked at the door behind Kenny, expecting it to burst open at any second, “how did you get inside? Mom wouldn’t even let Clyde come in.”
“Oh, that,” Kenny gave him a smug look. “I asked Karen to distract your mom while I sneak inside through the backdoor.”
“You did wha– Nevermind.” Craig shook his head. As absurd as it sounded, it made perfect sense when it came from Kenny. If Craig learned something through the years spent in Kenny’s company, it was to always expect the most unexpected shit from him.
Craig floundered to his desk. As the distance between him and Kenny grew, the easier it became to breathe again. Of course, it was his stupid idea to contact Kenny, but intruding on Craig’s safe space wasn’t part of the plan. He only asked for a callback, not an invasion. He glanced at Kenny and his stomach churned again. And yet as insane as it sounded inside his head, there was a tiny part of his heart that felt oddly comforted by Kenny’s presence. For a long time, Kenny used to be like a fresh breeze on a hot summer day to him. But that was before things went south…
Kenny took a step forward, only to halt a second later. “You put up some new posters.”
“Maybe.”
A lot had changed since the last time Kenny stepped inside his room. Words choked on Craig’s throat, and the awkward silence stretched painfully out. Suddenly, he missed the forced solitude he had despised so much only a few minutes ago. He wasn’t prepared to face Kenny. He glanced up at the ceiling, hoping to find Prince's reassuring presence there, but only the ghosts of the past lurked within the shadows. And the past never felt so dark and so suffocated before.
“So, why the sudden urge to talk to me? I thought you were planning to ignore me till the end of time.” Kenny said and lifted his gaze from the wall to Craig. Wariness dimmed his eyes.
Craig’s lips thinned across his teeth. It didn’t matter how he felt about Kenny, right here right now, he needed help, and Kenny was his only chance. Or at least the only one who he could think of. And all the discomfort and unwanted confrontation was worth it because he was doing it for Tweek .
“You know Mercedes, right?”
Kenny raised an eyebrow.
“Mercedes? Pretty, blonde, big boobs with a chain-smoking guard dog attached to her hip?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Someone drugged her at Red’s party.” Kenny’s eyes widened for a split second. “She was in pretty bad shape,”
“Shit. Is she alright?”
The look on Kenny’s face reflected genuine concern, and it was enough to revive Craig’s anger. He clenched his fist and his nails dug into his sweaty palm.
“Kenny… was it you?”
Craig’s own voice sounded alien to him, it was dripping with scorn and the world seemed to go silent at that moment. The outside noises were all devoured by the earth, even Stripe stopped munching on hay, and her little black eyes, like a pair of endless abysses, fixated on the two of them. Kenny stared at Craig, and his mouth fell open in an almost comical way.
“What the fuck man? Do you really–” Kenny’s pained expression melted into pure sadness. His shoulder slack hung. “No. It wasn’t me.”
A tingle of guilt scratched the back of Craig’s throat, but he refused to acknowledge it. He swallowed it back and decided to push further.
“But you do know who it was, right?”
His eyes met with Kenny’s, and what he found in those stormy blue eyes was bruised hope and clear defeat. The guilt in Craig’s throat grew into a lump, spreading like cancer across his chest and turning his skin itchy.
Kenny shook his head.
“I don’t. I have no idea, sorry.”
There was no doubt in Craig’s mind that Kenny was telling the truth. Kenny could be an annoying jerk sometimes but never a liar. “Can you find out who did it?” The question slipped out of Craig, it was closer to a desperate wish than a question, but if there was someone who could find out anything it was Kenny, and he was the only hope left for Craig.
“Possibly.” Kenny muttered, and his gaze wandered over Craig’s bed. “I do have one condition though,” he whispered, so quietly Craig could barely catch those words.
“What is it?”
Loaded delay followed Craig’s question and wariness built inside the pit of his stomach.
Kenny sucked a heavy breath in, still keeping his eyes on the bed, and scratched the back of his neck. The white scar behind his right ear was still there, and most likely it would always remain. A token of one stupid drunken night and an unleashed dog. If he closed his eyes, Craig could still see his hand covered in dirt and blood and hear Kenny’s uncontrollable laughter in the background. Too many things had changed since that night almost two years ago…
“I know I fucked up, and that things won’t go back to how they were before,” Kenny said, bringing Craig back from his trip down memory lane. “But believe me, I’m really sorry, and I wish I could go back in time and change things, but— I fucking miss you, dude .”
“You betrayed me,” Craig whispered, feeling tears wetting his eyes. His stomach quavered.
“I know, but trust me, Craig, I just wanted to help. If I had known how you would react, I would never—”
“You drugged me! You fucking spiked my drink, and then watched me have a panic attack while I had no fucking clue what the hell was happening to me!” The harsh and loud sound of his own voice burst the quietness of the room, and that was enough to remind Craig of his mother’s presence. He perked up his ears, preparing himself to hear footsteps rushing towards his room, but the house remained silent. So his eyes wandered back to Kenny. “You fucked me up completely.”
“I was stupid, and believe me, I hate myself for what I did more than you could even imagine. I hated seeing you so down and I thought I would try to cheer you up, but… I ended up making things worse. And now you hate me.”
Kenny’s face was painted over with shame and guilt, scarcely resembling his usual self. He stood in the middle of the room, frozen like a cracked statue deceasing soundlessly while decades passed by him. His expression pained Craig.
“I don’t hate you, Kenny.”
It was true. He hated the stupid decision he made to go to a party only a few hours after his breakup, he hated what Kenny had done to him, hated how things ended and hated how still these days he occasionally found himself missing Kenny. But never ever was he able to truly despise him. Because sometimes it felt as if Kenny was able to see inside him, to understand him and what was in his mind from only one glance. And as creepy as it was, it also meant that in those moments when Craig felt lost and lonely, not even able to talk about his feelings with Clyde or anyone else, Kenny was there. He was there and he would understand Craig without a word spoken between them. That was at least until Kenny broke his trust.
A vibrating sound came from Kenny’s back pocket. He fished his phone out, took one look at it, and hurried towards the window steps closer to the window. A smile curled up on his face, and he gave a small wave at someone outside, before cracking the window open.
“I will try to make amends for what I have done to you.” He turned back to Craig. “Starting with finding out who drugged your friend.” He slipped out onto the roof. “One more thing, I think you and Tweek are a great match. Way better than you and Kyle were, so you know… Take care of him.” And what that he jumped over the closest tree branch and disappeared from Craig’s view.
But inside the room, Craig’s body went numb, the world began spinning and his heart shot into his throat, choking him from the inside. His ears were buzzing and one word kept repeating inside his mind. Kyle .
Kenny knew… He knew about Kyle.
Craig tottered across the room, his limbs weighing a ton, and fell face first into his bed. His head sunk into the pillow that smelled like lavender. He never told Kenny about Kyle. So did Kyle talk about them to him? Even though Kyle was the one who wanted to keep their relationship a secret. And if Kenny knew, then who else also knew?
The cold wind carried Kenny’s muffled laughter back into the room, through the open window, and Craig clapped his hands around his ears, squeezing his eyes tight shut.
What was he supposed to do now?
***
The stars twinkled across the endless sky like tiny sparks of hope filling a jar of blackness. Those little dazzling dots carried all the wishes and dreams of the entire universe, and Craig couldn’t help but yearn to be one of them.
He sat outside in the backyard, picking at the paint that was peeling off of the old lawn chair. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard. Life was supposed to be nice and boring and less — he frowned — less complicated.
The backdoor slid open, and his father walked through it with two cans of beer in hand. His face wore a tired expression with a hint of disappointment as he looked at Craig and sat down next to him. He didn’t say anything, just cracked open a cold one and stared at the sky. For a while, the only sound breaking the calm evenness of the night was the occasional sip his father took from the can. It reminded Craig of his own thirst and the desperate want of getting drunk. It might not solve his problems, but God, it would definitely help forgetting them. Even if only for a moment.
Suddenly, his father tore his gaze away from the sky and looked at Craig.
“I got suspended from school once too. I beat the crap out of another boy. I’m not proud of it,” he said and took another sip of his beer. “But I don’t regret it.”
Craig had never heard about it before, not like he ever cared much about his parents’s stories about their pasts. But this particular story sounded way too interesting not to care about. He straightened up in his seat and waited, but seconds passed and his father didn’t contribute any further, instead he went back to admiring the stars.
“Why?”
“Hm?”
“Why did you beat him up?”
“He was a real jerk,” his father scoffed. “He had a huge fight with his girlfriend in the middle of the schoolyard in front of everyone.” He took another sip of beer. Craig leaned closer. “His girlfriend slapped him and then he pushed her so hard she fell on the ground. She started crying and he just laughed at her .” His fingers clenched around the can tight enough to crease it. Some of the cold drink spilled over the edge, running down his hand.
It was an unexpectedly strong burst of emotion coming from his father, and it piqued Craig’s curiosity even more.
“So you beat him up.”
His father nodded slowly and chugged down the rest of the beer. “He deserved it.”
Craig agreed and watched as his father opened the second can, placing it down on the table. And with that, silence settled between them again, which only lasted for a few seconds before somewhere from the distance, a dog began barking.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out why his father was telling him that story. And now that his dad was done with his part, it was Craig’s turn to share. As reluctant as he felt to talk about what happened today, because the inner child inside him was still afraid to disappoint his father, tonight Craig was too emotionally exhausted to resist its will.
“I wasn’t lying about the paper. It didn’t belong to me.”
“But you know who it belongs to.” There was no question in his father’s voice.
Craig nodded slowly.
“And yet you still refused to tell on them.”
Craig nodded again.
“Sometimes love can make us do stupid things,” His father said and stood up, strolling towards the door with the empty first beer can in his hand.
There was something in the way his father said those words that clicked something inside Craig and he sprung up too, tripping over his chair.
“Wait, what happened with the girl?”
Tom turned back, a faith smile appeared on his face. “She ended up marrying the boy who punched her then-boyfriend,” he said and walked inside, closing the glass door behind himself.
Through the glass, Craig watched his dad lean closer to his mother and gave a small kiss on her forehead before heading upstairs.
“You sly old man.”
Craig grinned and bent over to pick his chair up, but his eyes were caught by the open but still untouched can of beer on the table. He glanced around, but inside the kitchen, his mother was busy with washing dishes. He gulped and slowly reached towards the can. Maybe his day wasn’t entirely doomed. His fingers clenched around the wet can and he sunk back to the chair, facing away from his mother’s sight.
His lips touched the rim of the can and he felt a burst of pleasure spreading through his body as he poured the cold liquid into his mouth. Finally something good.
However his happiness only lasted for a split second. The beer tasted like shit. He turned the can around and read the label.
“For fucks sake.”
It was alcohol-free.
***
The mattress squeaked as Craig plopped down on it, holding a battered shoebox in his hands. It once belonged to his old favorite pair of shoes, which he wore until there were even holes on the sole of them. One day his mother had enough of it and threw them out, for Craig never to see them again. He didn’t even have the chance to properly say goodbye… And the only thing remaining of the shoes was the box it came with.
Now, it was his secret box where he kept all his treasured mementos. He swiped his fingers over the dust covered top, only hesitating for a moment before opening it.
He knew what he was looking for, but still it took him some time to find it. And for a second he hoped it wouldn’t even be there. Maybe he had already gotten rid of it and forgot about it somehow. But that was not the case, and the little piece of cramped paper slipped into his hand like it had been there the whole time.
Craig took it, and putting the box down to the floor, he laid down on his bed, staring at the paper under the dim light of the bedside lamp.
It was ripped off the corner of the cover of a physics textbook, and on it, with neatly written letters, was one short sentence: Stark’s Pond, 9 pm, tonight.
It was the beginning of everything. The day he and Kyle first kissed. The day a six-months long, complicated, and secretive relationship began.
Craig stared at the letters for a long time. Memories good and bad flooded his mind, and his chest felt oddly heavy, but also empty and cold.
Was he truly in love with Kyle or was he only in love with the idea of being in love with someone?
He thought he loved Kyle, but then he met Tweek, and a new kind of love bloomed inside his heart. One that felt stronger and warmer, one that didn’t come with secrets and shame and constant fights. One that made him want to be better and give as much of himself to Tweek as he could. And he wanted to know everything about Tweek, everything he cared for, everything he loved or hated. He wanted to know if he blabbered during his sleep or not. How his snoring sounded, if he was ticklish or not. Everything. Everything that made Tweek Tweek was something Craig wanted to know.
What he felt for Kyle was so different, but back then it seemed like love too. Because he didn’t know any different, he had no idea love could be so… Selfless.
Something hit his window and Craig’s heart almost jumped out of his body. He sat up and stared at the dark glass. A part of him expected a pale of a murderer staring back at him through the window. But no one was there, only darkness and the yellow ray of light of the nearby street lamp seeping through the naked branches of the tree. Maybe he just imagined it, or it was the wind. Although the night was quiet, and there was not even a faint breeze swiping across the town.
He was about to lay back down when it happened again. A small thud, and this time he even caught something tiny and dark hit the glass. And another soon followed it.
What the…
He crawled out of bed, stealing closer to the window, his heart beating inside his ears. He peeked outside, and there was a dark figure somewhat standing under the tree in front of their house. He didn’t expect Kenny to come back tonight, but Kenny was also very unpredictable. And it wasn’t the first time Kenny mistook his window for an entry into his room.
Craig’s heart slipped back inside his chest, and he cracked the window open.
“Kenny?”
Kenny stepped out of the cover of the tree and Craig found himself staring at someone who was most definitely not Kenny.