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“What are you looking at Jihoon-ah?”
Jihoon looks up from his phone at Joshua, plastering a smile on his face.
“Seokmin wants to come over while you're visiting your parents.”
“That’s great! You guys haven’t had as many chances to get to know each other as Seokminie and I have.”
Joshua holds up the large bag in his hand.
“Well my taxi is here, so I’m gonna get going now.”
“Have a safe trip hyung,” Jihoon murmurs, gaze flickering back down to his phone screen.
Joshua laughs and gently pats Jihoon’s shoulder.
“I’ll try. Can’t wait to hear about your date when I get home,” he says. Jihoon swallows.
“Yeah…”
~~~~~
The apartment door silently swings open, and a tall figure steps inside.
“Hyung!”
Jihoon turns around and suddenly a large body is colliding with his, arms wrapping around him and a cheek (or chin, or something) pressing against the top of his head. Jihoon grunts, awkwardly patting Seokmin’s arm.
“Hello to you too Seokmin-ah.”
Seokmin peers around Jihoon at the stove.
“Ooo, are you cooking Jihoon-hyung?”
“Just warming something up to go with the jajangmyeon I ordered.”
“Yum!”
Seokmin skips past Jihoon, who casts a nervous glance towards the living room before following after. Since Joshua isn’t there to tell them not to, they both eat on the couch. Jihoon sits himself down close enough to Seokmin that he doesn’t seem like he’s avoiding him, but not too close.
Once the movie starts and they both get into it, ooing and awing amidst occasional commentary Jihoon actually starts to relax. Perhaps he had nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, as the movie starts to come to an end, Seokmin starts to inch closer. He laughs and leans into Jihoon, which seems genuine enough, but Seokmin remains pressed up against him long after his laughter fades.
Jihoon’s heart starts to beat faster when Seokmin turns to look at him and starts to lean in. Jihoon squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to imagine the worst. They have kissed before, but that’s not exactly the part Jihoon is worried about. It comes as a shock when Jihoon doesn’t feel lips pressing against his own, but a hand on his forehead. He opens his eyes to find Seokmin looking down at him in concern.
“Are you okay hyung? You don’t look so good.”
Is he that obvious?
“Uh… I don’t know…”
“Your forehead is kind of warm. If you’re getting sick maybe I should go.”
Jihoon hates the feeling of intense relief that Seokmin’s words bring.
“Oh... I guess if I’m sick you should. Sorry.”
“No no, it’s fine hyung, it’s not your fault! I still had a good time.”
Jihoon frowns, because well all of this definitely is his fault.
“Alright, I’ll better just let you rest. Hope you feel better soon Jihoon-hyung!”
Seokmin blows him a kiss and he walks out the door. Sighing, Jihoon lets his face fall into his hands. Well that went great.
~~~~~
A knock on the door announces Joshua’s return. Jihoon doesn’t bother lifting his face up from where it’s pressed into the bed.
“Jihoon-ah?” Joshua calls out. Footsteps approach from the living room and a hand settles on his back.
“Hey,” Jihoon mutters, voice muffled by the duvet.
“Are you feeling alright? Seokmin-ah mentioned you were sick last night.”
Jihoon pushes himself up into a sitting position.
“No, I’m not sick.”
Joshua smiles, visibly relaxing.
“Oh, that’s great!”
He sets his bag down on the bed beside Jihoon and begins to empty it.
“Seokmin just thought I was sick and I went along with it,” Jihoon softly admits.
“What? Why?”
“He was leaning in to kiss me and… I just knew it was going to lead to something more.”
Joshua hums, bending over to fold a t-shirt.
“I see. Your boundaries absolutely deserve to be respected Jihoon-ah, but Seokminie can’t respect them if he doesn’t know them. You haven’t mentioned anything to him about being asexual yet right?”
“No,” Jihoon mumbles.
“Hmm. It’s not like you really knew what he was thinking when he tried to kiss you.”
Jihoon snorts.
“I did though. Oh sure it’s fine if you want to take it slow, but everyone expects you to want sex eventually. And I don’t.”
“You’ve got to tell Seokmin that.”
Jihoon groans in frustration.
“I know that.”
Joshua sits down on the bed next to Jihoon and puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Sorry if I sound like I’m arguing with you, it’s one hundred percent your choice who to tell or not tell. It’s just, situations like this will probably keep happening. If you two are going to make this work you’ve got to communicate. Seokmin is a sweet boy, hopefully he’ll understand.”
Jihoon smiles softly, placing a hand on top of Joshua’s.
“Thank you hyung. I— I know I need to. I just wish I didn’t feel so awful whenever I try to.”
Joshua squeezes his shoulder comfortingly.
“It’s okay that you’re scared. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out, but this one isn’t over yet. For whatever it’s worth I think you’re a great boyfriend and you’ll still be a great boyfriend, no matter what happens.”
Jihoon swallows past the lump in his throat.
“Thank you.”
“Of course. Whenever you’re ready I can call Seokmin up and invite him over for lunch. Whether you want me to leave you two alone or stay I’ll support you every step of the way.”
Jihoon looks up at Joshua, exhaling softly.
“Whenever I’m ready huh. How about tomorrow afternoon?”
~~~~~
“Hyung!”
Jihoon turns his head to see Joshua stumble back as Seokmin clings to him in the doorway of the apartment.
“I missed you!” Seokmin yells, Joshua wincing as he untangles himself from Seokmin’s grip.
“It’s only been two days love.”
Seokmin moves past him and into the kitchen, looking back over his shoulder as he does so.
“But I barely saw you last week, and you didn’t text much. I know you were busy though.”
Seokmin turns back to Jihoon with a grin, scooping Jihoon up in a giant hug. Jihoon huffs in surprise, patting Seokmin’s back gently. He really should be used to this by now.
“Hello, to you too,” Jihoon mutters into Seokmin’s shoulder.
“My parents sent me back with plenty of leftovers,” Jihoon hears Joshua say, and Seokmin quickly releases him.
“Yes! I’m so hungry I could eat an elephant.”
Jihoon nods in agreement, trying to suppress the nerves fluttering in his stomach.
“How about pajeon and kimchi stew?” Joshua asks, bent over as he peers into the refrigerator. The rice cooker dings off to Jihoon’s right. Seokmin nods enthusiastically.
“Sounds perfect.”
In the afterglow of homemade food and good conversation (not that Jihoon had participated much) they’ve moved to the living room, Jihoon squished into the corner of the loveseat by Joshua with Seokmin sitting on one of the kitchen barstools across from them. It’s actually quite calming to physically feel Joshua next to him, he’s living proof that this conversation might not actually go that bad.
He absentmindedly rests his hand on Joshua’s thigh, nearly jumping out of skin when Joshua looks up from his hands and calls Seokmin’s name in a firm voice. Seokmin looks up from his phone.
“Jihoon wanted to say something really quick,” Joshua says, a calm, neutral smile on his face. Well at least that sounds a lot less ominous than “we need to talk.” Seokmin’s gaze darts over to Jihoon, whose eyes widen as his heart starts to beat double time. Joshua starts to sit up but Jihoon quickly pats the top of his thigh and Joshua sits back.
Jihoon clears his throat, dropping his gaze down to his lap.
“Seokmin-ah… before we get any further into this relationship I need to tell you something. I’m asexual.”
There’s a long moment of silence. Jihoon raises his head.
“What do you mean hyung?” Seokmin asks, looking slightly confused.
“When it comes to dating I don’t have much of a preference between genders, but when it comes to sex. I, uh, don’t want to do that with anyone.”
“Oh… no sex, or touching or anything like that? You don’t want to?”
“Yeah. I just don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone. Just romantically.”
Seokmin hums thoughtfully, Jihoon desperately searching his face for some hint as to what he’s thinking.
“Was that why you acted so weird on Friday?”
Jihoon raises his eyebrows in surprise, he thought Seokmin had bought the sick excuse.
“I almost thought you were sick for a moment but you looked so relieved when I suggested you were… I just assumed you were tired and didn’t want to sound rude by asking me to come over another night.”
“Yeah, basically. I meant to talk about this then but I got nervous…”
A hand settles over his and Jihoon looks up at Joshua.
“Sex is obviously a big part, or at least an expected part for many people, I myself was unfamiliar with the concept when Jihoon came out to me, but I still wanted to be with him, and it’s worked out fine for us.”
Jihoon smiles gratefully at him.
“I wouldn’t blame you if this was a dealbreaker,” Jihoon says solemnly. “I don’t know how you two would feel about each other if…”
Joshua squeezes Jihoon’s hand firmly.
“I really do like you Seokmin-ah. If things between you two ended in a respectful way and if Jihoon was alright with it I could see myself still wanting to continue our relationship.”
Seokmin nods, chewing tensely on his bottom lip. Jihoon sighs heavily. Should he assume the worst at this point? He can already feel the dread in his stomach morphing into something a little more sad and resigned. Seokmin inhales, his gaze settling on Jihoon.
“I like you hyung.”
Jihoon’s breath catches in his throat.
“I liked Joshua-hyung first, but you’re really fun, cool, and handsome.”
Seokmin’s cheeks darken slightly but he continues on.
“I was honestly looking forward to having some time together with just the two of us. Everyone has boundaries and sure you’re attractive but that’s not the only reason I like you. So… can we just keep staying together?”
Jihoon blinks, the dread in his stomach trickling away slowly like his brain can’t quite believe Seokmin wants to stay.
“Yes,” he mumbles dazedly. Seokmin lights up and Joshua lets out a sigh of relief. Then Seokmin scrunches up his face, looking off into the distance.
“We’ve kissed before. Did you not like that?”
“Well, a little kissing is okay.”
Joshua nudges Jihoon’s leg with his, raising his eyebrows expectantly. When Jihoon realizes what Joshua wants him to talk about he casts a panicked glance at Seokmin before staring intently down at the floor underneath Seokmin’s feet.
“In uh, the interest of putting everything out on the table, I… well Joshua and I have done, uh, some stuff. Occasionally. Um, and I can’t promise that I will ever do that with you. Sorry.”
Jihoon’s cheeks heat up with every word until they feel like they’re practically on fire.
“You don’t really need to apologize for that,” Seokmin says. “I already said yes to no sex at all, so I’ll just try not to have any expectations, okay?”
Jihoon nods, resisting the urge to bury his face in his hands.
“Well, that’s all we, well mostly Jihoon, had to say. Anything else you want to ask or clarify Seokmin-ah?”
“Well… um, I don’t know if this is silly to ask.”
Joshua shakes his head.
“It’s better to ask something silly than get confused or upset because there was a misunderstanding later.”
Seokmin turns to look at Jihoon.
“Okay, well, uh, it’s fine that Joshua and I do stuff right? I mean, it probably is. Oh, and do you want us to not kiss or whatever around you or…?”
Jihoon shrugs.
“All that is fine, but if you start taking clothes off I’ll probably throw a pillow at you and tell you to get a room.”
Seokmin laughs softly.
“Alright, got it. That’s all I wanted to ask, I think.”
Joshua stands to his feet.
“I’m going to make some tea, anyone want a cup.”
Seokmin raises one hand. Joshua doesn’t even bother looking in Jihoon’s direction, probably predicting his answer.
Now that the conversation is over Jihoon slumps back into the couch. He’s honestly been riding on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since Joshua left for his trip and now it feels like the ride has dumped onto the cement after doing twenty loop-de-loops at max speed. He locks gazes with Seokmin, who smiles softly at him. Well, maybe the ride hadn’t been so bad after all.