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Lying, subterfuge, concealment, surprise parties, and other such variations of keeping his trap shut are not Liam Dunbar’s forte.
Liam’s forte, as his closest and most traitorous best friends Mason and Corey might tell you, involves tripping down the stairs of his own home, crashing into stupidly hot chimeras on his way down, banging his shin and twisting his ankle, and then blurting out “I think I love you” while pressed against said groaning chimera on the floor in front of both of his stunned parents in the living room. All the other milestones in Liam and Theo’s relationship have been notably as chaotic and unsubtle--including the time Liam tried to ask Theo to the prom by scrawling a cute doodle and message on his locker door with marker, only to realize with chagrin that he'd left a sample of his highly questionable art skills behind in permanent ink instead of the washable kind.
So really, it should come at no surprise that Liam's fantastic, magnificent, over-the-top, totally secret plans for a surprise proposal some years down the road turn into a disaster.
Right off the bat, he tries to enlist Scott's help in hiding the ring, because what better way to trick a suspicious ex-spying chimera than to make the evidence leave the property entirely, right?
Except that Scott replies over the phone with an apologetic, "Sorry, kiddo, I don't think that's the best idea. Remember when I pulled that with Malia?"
"Right," Liam says through a groan. "That was when she thought it was actually Stiles being Stiles and proposing to her, right?"
"Yeah," Scott chuckles, half-fond, half-embarrassed, most definitely rubbing the back of his neck. "To be fair, he tripped and went down on one knee in front of everyone while he was pulling out the ring."
"Okay. Got it. No entrusting others with the ring for safekeeping. Knowing my track record, anyway, it would probably end in a domino effect of nuclear explosions, somehow."
Scott actually cackles at that.
So Liam's next recourse, naturally, is to hide the ring somewhere right under Theo's nose in the apartment, and to swear Mason and Corey to absolute loyalty and secrecy.
It's the perfect sort of situation that results in Theo wandering through the doorway into the kitchen, still groggy and bedheaded from his late night studying for the MCAT, when he reaches for the second cabinet from the right by the microwave and sighs as he checks inside, then calls over his shoulder: "Li, there's no more Cheerios. I'm borrowing some of your disgusting Lucky Charms. We really need to go grocery shopping, you know."
Liam, who has been lounging on the couch next to Mason and had previously greeted his boyfriend with a soft and sleepy smile, becomes suddenly and alarmingly awake. Eyes wide as saucers, he exchanges a look of sheer panic with Mason, who does what every good best friend does and aims for a distraction.
"Uh," Mason chokes out like a strangled chicken. "Are you sure you wanna eat Liam's disgusting Lucky Charms?"
Mason's already speed walked to the island where Theo is stationed. Theo replies, all morning confusion, "Yeah, they're disgusting as shit, but I gotta eat."
"Um. Uh. Not that over-sweetened, super processed shit," Mason spitballs.
Liam vaults over the back of the couch and executes a practically acrobatic move to make it to the kitchen while Mason grabs a sleepy Theo by both arms and spins him around to face the toaster oven on the other side of the room.
"What am I looking at?" Theo grumbles after a moment.
"...English muffins?" Mason says. He tries a truly atrocious Cockney accent. "Only the heartiest breakfast for the heartiest of champions!"
Theo squints at him. He turns around again, too strong not to dislodge Mason's helpless and flailing hands, and Theo squints now at Liam. "What are you doing?"
Liam's still wide-eyed, total deer in the headlights, with one hand inside the crinkling plastic of the Lucky Charms box and the other shoveling cereal into his mouth like he didn't just hear his best friend and his boyfriend shitting on his choice of breakfast.
Liam makes a show of swallowing. "...Eating breakfast?"
Theo narrows his eyes further at him. "You're hiding something."
"No, I'm not!" Liam yelps, very convincingly, as his heart thuds and skips a beat.
Mason serves Liam a look. "Dude, I'm human and even I could hear your heart this time."
Liam glowers at him. Oh, he's definitely bumping Corey up to best friend and best man now.
Still, Liam needs to keep up the ruse. He shoves the Lucky Charms box at Theo and says around his still half-full mouth, "I hope you choke and die of sugar overdose." And then he stomps off in the direction of the bathroom.
"Love you too!" Theo hollers after him with a fond grin.
(And no, if you bring up again how Liam had to physically shove the engagement ring under his tongue along with the cereal where he'd hidden it, and then spit it out and disinfect it in the bathroom sink, he will deny the incident and may possibly arrange his first homicide.)
----
The second time it happens--'it' being the natural disaster that is Liam's relationship with secrets--it's with Corey at hand this time. Liam had come up with the brilliant idea of sticking the ring in its box into the crack between the cushions of the couch, thinking himself to be a foolproof genius.
But then Theo just has to go and lose his last two pieces of swedish fish in the couch, and then insist on everyone getting up so he can pull up the cushions and search under them because apparently he's enough of a heathen and a degenerate that the five-second rule is more like a five-minute thing for him. Liam's heart starts jackhammering inside him and his palms are suddenly slick with sweat. Corey, help me, he mouths at the chameleon.
Corey grimaces and dives for the couch, bashing skulls with Theo and eliciting a truly colorful string of swears from him.
"Corey, the fuck!"
"I'll help you look!"
"Fuck. Ow. It's two candy fish, Cor, how hard can they be to find?"
Corey plunges his hand between the cushions and wiggles it around and, as soon as his fingers close around the ring box, he winks out.
"Jesus," Theo sighs. "Corey, what the hell."
Corey fades back in from his invisibility with a sheepish mask over his face. "Sorry, sometimes I still go invisible without knowing it," is his blatant lie.
Liam quickly notes that Corey's hands are free and his right pocket is bulging a little where he must have shoved the ring box.
"Can I just look for my fish in peace without it turning into a fucking scrimmage?" Theo grouses. Even Liam, nervous as he is, breaks into a mocking laugh at that. He shoots Corey a look of gratitude and a subtle thumbs up. Corey nods back, and is about to hand Liam the ring box while Theo is occupied, when Theo suddenly turns around.
"I swear to G-d, Li, if I find another paper clip in--what the hell are you doing?"
"What, what the hell are we doing?" Liam says innocently. Having just barely caught the ring box from Corey and then tossed it over his shoulder into the dead fireplace behind him out of blind panic.
"What the hell are you doing?"
And to that Liam replies, out of the boundless genius of his foot-filled mouth, "Just admiring your bodacious ass from here."
Corey nods. Very helpfully.
"If you wanted to ogle my ass, there are less juvenile ways to go about it," Theo gripes, though now his suspicious brow has dropped and he's shaking his head in fond exasperation. "Like, I don't know, hey Theo, I find you very sexy and attractive and would like to touch your ass now."
Liam gives him a flat look. "Are you trying to turn me off."
Theo grins. "Depends. Is it working?"
"Ugh, I'm definitely going invisible now," Corey complains.
----
Thank heavens Liam manages to fish the now sooty ring box from the depths of the fireplace before Theo goes and does something completely unprecedented again like light the fire in the middle of June. Liam makes another trip the next morning to the bathroom to wash off all the dirt and scrounge around for a better hiding place, perhaps taped to the underside of a curtain or behind the toilet.
His reprieve doesn't last long, though. He's in the middle of dumping out the new toothpaste tube from its box so he can slide the ring box in, when he becomes aware of the beating of Theo's heart nearby all too late. The next thing he knows, Theo's pushing the bathroom door open wider and blinking at him owlishly, the picture of morning glory and frankly ridiculous handsomeness at this hour.
Liam freezes.
"Liam," Theo says, brows furrowed, voice raspy. "What are you doing?"
Looking back, it's all Liam's face that gives everything away. The toothpaste box looks innocuous enough in his hands, but combined with the wash of pure terror on his face and the next words that come tumbling out of his mouth, it's all over.
"I'm pregnant!" Liam blurts out.
Theo blinks and takes a moment to process this.
"I mean--uh--" Liam waves the box around. "I went and got this kit. At the pharmacy. To check if I was. You know, pregnant. 'Cause this is a pregnancy test."
Theo deadpans, "Liam, that box says Colgate on it."
"Yes! Exactly," says Liam, because sometimes he just doesn't know when to fucking stop. "And this is a very private and embarrassing moment, so please, if you could just--"
"You're not pregnant," says Theo. "You can't be pregnant."
Liam scowls at him, almost offended. "Well, I could be."
"Not with your anatomy, you can't." Theo runs a hand over his face. "Christ, Li. I need to piss. Whatever you're hiding--because I know you're hiding something, you've been cagey these last few weeks--we can talk about it after."
And he moves into the bathroom to shoulder past Liam, his scent already souring and his face closing off again. Liam feels that panic bubble up inside him once more.
"No--Theo--wait."
He grabs Theo by the bicep--the very firm, very warm bicep he'll never get tired of--and pulls him to a halt.
"Ah. Shit. This is not how I wanted this to go," he stammers.
Theo just keeps looking at him, a kind of mix of incredulity and resignation warring over his face, making Liam swear again.
"Fuck. I'm doing this all wrong. Uh, it's not bad, Theo, I swear. I just--yeah, I've been hiding something, okay? And yeah, I got Mason and Corey in on it because I am a hurricane on wheels most days, and I asked Scott at first to help out, too, but he didn't want to because he'd learned his lesson with Stiles, and honestly I should've listened to him, but everyone says that but you know me, I just go off with my plans which usually end up combusting like a--"
"Liam," Theo interrupts him, just as bewildered as before but perhaps a tad softer. "What the hell are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying--I'm trying to say--" Liam gulps in a ragged breath of air and just about collapses on one knee on the cold tile. "Theo Raeken, will you marry me?"
Theo's gaze ping-pongs relentlessly back and forth between the Colgate box in Liam's outstretched hand and Liam's earnest, open face.
"Oh, G-d," Liam chokes out as the silence stretches. "Please say something."
"Y-yes. Yes, you idiot, of course I'll marry you--"
"Oh, thank G-d--"
"--But what the fuck does toothpaste have to do with anything?"
Liam swears in realization. Hands trembling, he plunges his fingers inside the box to retrieve the ring box and hold it up to Theo.
"Hurry up and try it on, please, my knee is killing me here."
Theo laughs a little wetly and seizes the box from Liam. When he pops it open, inside is nestled a silver ring with a braided exterior. He picks it up and the metal glints in the light. Following a hunch, he peers at the inside and finds an engraving.
Partners in crime through the test of time.
"G-d, you're cheesy as fuck," Theo complains, as he slips on the ring around a watery grin.
Liam springs up to engulf Theo in his arms then, peppering his cheeks and jawline with kisses, then cupping his cheek to guide their mouths together in a kiss as his other hand winds around the back of Theo's shoulders to hold him there.
"Ow," Theo whispers with a smile against Liam's mouth. "Your Colgate pregnancy test is sticking me in the head."
"Shut up," Liam grins back, and just for that he presses them back together harder for another mind-melting kiss.