Archive of Our Own ^beta

10^th August

Dear Diary,

I don’t really have a lot to write today, summer vacations sure do get boring after a while, huh?

But thankfully, school starts in a week! I’ll be a junior.. how wild is that? It seems just yesterday when I was a freshman!

I am excited for the new year, but also not? Because school always just gets stressful after the first few weeks. Anyway, here’s hoping there’s no unnecessary drama this year around either.

-

Renjun closed the diary, capping the pen back again as he put both the things in the designated drawer in his study table. Initially, he’d thought of keeping the diary at someplace more hidden but then he just stopped caring. It’s not like he wrote anything scandalous in there anyway.

He glanced at the mess on his bed, he’d practically gone on a rampage a few hours ago trying to find a book that he had really wanted to read but couldn’t for the life of him find. Now, 70 percent of his belongings were on his bed that he needed to fix, he sighed and got to work.

After putting away the clothes, he began gathering his books to put back in his bookshelf and paused when he saw the familiar blue box kept on his bed. He hadn’t realized in his haste that he had taken out that too during his search around the room.

He smiled, picking the box up and opening the lid.

There the envelopes sat, as pristine as the day he’d put them there, after all, it wasn’t like anyone except him ever touched them and neither was anyone going to.

The envelopes held the most private things Renjun owned.

The letters he’d written to each boy he had had a crush on at some point in life, he didn’t really have a reason for writing them especially knowing he never intended on sending them out or anything, but it was a good way to let his feelings out when he knew that he’d never confess to any of them.

Ever since Renjun was a kid, he’d seen writing as a way to let his emotions out, hence, his habit of writing a diary entry at the end of every day. It was a habit, so naturally when he developed any sort of feelings towards anyone, he wrote them down.

There were 6 in total, for each boy that Renjun had liked in the past 17 years.

He was startled by his door opening. He hastily put the lid and almost threw the box where it was at least hidden by the bed.

Chenle’s head peeked in, “Dinner’s ready weirdo, come down.”

Renjun made a face. “I am literally older than you, has no one taught you basic respect?”

Chenle scoffed. “I am plenty respectful, but only to those who deserve it!” He said cheekily before cackling and leaving.

Renjun shook his head in resignation. Younger siblings were just something else entirely.

He got up and followed behind Chenle.

----

First days of school were always chaotic.

Especially in a household that had three people who attended school.

Well, Sicheng’s Uni semester didn’t start for another two weeks so the chaos would be a little less this time. But Chenle was as loud as an entire football stadium and Sicheng was easily the least chaotic amongst them so Renjun didn’t really think things were going to be any better this year in any case.

So, he got up early, an hour earlier than when he actually needed to be up, he wanted to get ready beforehand and save their mom some trouble. He yawned as he climbed down the stairs after brushing his teeth to get himself a glass of water when his phone rang.

Squinting at the screen, he tried to figure out the name of the person calling. Jesus, he was practically blind without his glasses.

The name Jaehyun flashed on his screen and Renjun tilted his head.

What in the hell?

Jaehyun had no reason to be calling him at this tim-

Wait.

Jaehyun had no reason to call him. Period.

Granted he and Jaehyun were on pretty good terms, Jaehyun being Sicheng’s best friend and being almost a constant presence in their house when he still lived here before he left for Stanford. But still, Jaehyun and Renjun never really talked.

Renjun didn’t even know that Jaehyun had his number.

Realising that he’d been staring at his phone like an idiot, he took a deep breath and accepted the call.

“Renjun, hi! Almost thought you wouldn’t pick up.”

The sound of Jaehyun’s voice and his little chuckle were deeper over the phone than in person.

He laughed nervously.

“Hey, how’s Stanford?”

“Oh you know, it’s something.”

Like that wasn’t vague at all.

There was a moment of silence.

“You must be wondering why I called you out of the blue.”

Yes.

“I mean, yeah I am.” Renjun admitted sheepishly.

Jaehyun let out a chuckle. “It’s nothing that serious so don’t worry, just something got delivered to me a while ago and I figured I’d call you and ask.”

Renjun was even more confused now.

What did Renjun have to do with whatever got delivered to Jaehyun?

He let out an unsure ‘okay’ at that.

“It’s a letter, that you wrote I’m assuming.”

Renjun’s blood froze.

There was just no fucking way.

“I think you wrote it a few years ago, I’m just confused as to why you’d send it now.” Jaehyun asked, an underlying amusement in his tone. And Renjun just stood there in shock.

“Renjun?”

That snapped Renjun out of the trance as he gasped.

“Oh my god.”

Renjun ran up the stairs to his room, looking frantically for the box of letters when he found it sitting next to his bed where he’d promptly forgotten about it, only it was empty.

There were no letters inside.

“Renjun, you there?” Jaehyun sounded concerned, his voice taking a gentler tone.

All Renjun could think of at that moment was how tempting it sounded to just be swallowed by the earth and never show his face again.

His stomach had dropped the moment Jaehyun had told him and he felt like he kept experiencing that feeling on a loop.

“I am so sorry!” That’s all he could say to Jaehyun.

“There’s literally nothing to be sorry about Renjun, I think it’s cute how you had a crush. I’m flattered.” Jaehyun was definitely teasing him, if the smile in his voice was anything to go by.

Renjun felt the back of his neck grow hot.

“I don’t even know how it reached you, it was never supposed to!”

“When did you even write this? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Renjun remembered that time very clearly, he’d been in 8^th grade and Jaehyun had been in the second year of high school. Renjun wouldn’t go as far as calling it a sexual awakening of some sort but it came pretty damn close.

“Three years ago…” He mumbled.

“Damn, that’s long ago. I still don’t think I get it how it reached me now-”

“Trust me, me neither.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “But I want to tell you that it’s chill, alright? Like I don’t want to thinking you need to be different or cautious around me or whatever. It’s cool.”

It was very much not cool.

But props to Jaehyun for trying to make it less embarrassing for Renjun.

“I really am sorry.”

“What are you even sorry for? Having feelings? Writing a letter? Me reading it?” Jaehyun said, soft and carefree. “Not valid enough reasons to be sorry for Renjun, as I said, it’s cool, you’re still my best friend’s little brother who I’m very fond of.”

Despite the embarrassment curling in his stomach, Renjun felt something in his chest warm at Jaehyun’s words. His attraction for Jaehyun had gone away pretty quick, leaving behind awe and admiration for the older, he was fond of Jaehyun too.

“Thank you.”

Jaehyun laughed. “You don’t still have the feelings right?”

He was teasing, Renjun knew he was teasing.

And yet. He panicked.

“No! In fact, I have a boyfriend!” He immediately flinched at his own lie. Renjun was the most single person Renjun knew.

“Really? That’s great! I was just teasing before but I really am happy for you.” The genuine happiness in Jaehyun’s voice made it even worse.

Renjun sighed.

Whatever, he’d lied already.

”Yeah, he’s great.”

“I’m sure he is. Hey maybe I could meet him when I come over next week!” Jaehyun said, excited.

Renjun froze for the second time that morning. Now, he hadn’t thought that out. Where was he going to get a boyfriend in just a week?!

This just kept getting worse.

He needed to cut the call before Jaehyun could say anything else.

“Haha yeah, maybe, I didn’t know you were coming over next week, but anyway! I have to go now, it’s the first day of school, bye!”

He cut the call when he heard the goodbye being returned to him.

Renjun fell on his bed.

He shoved his head into the pillow and screamed.

--

“So, wait, you’re telling me that the Jung Jaehyun called you this morning to tell you that he read the lovesick letter you wrote to him back in eighth grade?”

Renjun flinched at the way Yangyang framed the sentence, immediately defensive.

“It wasn’t lovesick, fuck off.”

Yangyang just chuckled. “I just cannot believe it happened.”

“Join the club.”

To say that Renjun was still embarrassed would be an understatement, he was also in despair now.

“Chill out Jun, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

Renjun looked at Yangyang. “I wrote about how his dimples made me want to keep staring at him for hours and how his voice appeared in my dreams sometimes.” He said in monotone.

Yangyang’s expression immediately turned sheepish. “Oh damn, maybe it was bad.”

Renjun let out a dying noise.

“But I mean, his dimples are really nice to look at and his voice is pretty hot?” Yangyang tried to reason.

“Thanks Yang but I need you to shut up right about now.”

“Yeah okay, got it.”

They walked in silence for a while, their high school coming into view as they rounded a corner.

“Jun?”

“Hm?”

“How many letters did you write?”

“Six, why?”

“Did all of them reach the people they were written for?”

Renjun stopped in his tracks.

That had completely escaped his mind. The box had been empty when he’d opened it.

Which meant ….

“Fuck!” Renjun cried out, Yangyang reached out to pat his back in consolation.

The others who he had written the letter to were…

He was going to see them at school today.

There was no way Renjun was ready for this.

“Yangyang, I’m dropping out.”

That shocked a laugh out of Yangyang, his entire body shaking with it.

“Should’ve joined the theatre club Jun, you’re so dramatic.”

“Do you know how fucking embarrassing this is?!” Renjun said, frantic.

“It’ll be fine, I get that this is a stressful situation for you but maybe the others will be as chill as Jaehyun was? And besides, you had those crushes years ago, who even cares? So don’t be embarrassed. If anyone bothers you, I’ll beat them up!”

Renjun felt himself chuckling at Yangyang broadening his shoulders to look more intimidating.

He reached up and ruffled Yangyang’s hair, receiving a gummy smile in return.

Maybe it really will be fine after all.

--

Renjun had spent his entire day looking around as if he was a criminal expecting to be chased by the police at any given moment. In a way, maybe he was.

He obviously knew who he’d written the letters to and he was trying to make sure that he’d not run into any of them, trying to stay as discreet and invisible as possible. Being small in size had to have some benefits.

He’d managed to go through half of the day unscathed, even avoiding the cafeteria at lunch and eating in one of the empty classrooms instead. Yangyang had whined about it and then accompanied him nonetheless.

He exhaled a sigh of relief when he entered his English lit class, glad that he’d managed to get to another one of his classes without running into anyone in the corridors when his eyes caught the sight of an unfamiliar mop of black hair on top of a very familiar face.

Renjun felt the horror creep into his body as he locked eyes with Na Jaemin across the room, the grin on the other’s face blinding as he waved at Renjun.

Renjun had spent the entire day trying to look for and avoid the familiar pink head, thinking that noticing that bright of a hair colour would be easy to notice but Jaemin’s pink hair had returned to his original black hair and Renjun was caught, unsuspecting and unaware.

Not like he would be able to avoid Jaemin if they were sharing a class anyway, but well.

The letter he’d written to Jaemin was in the hand that he was using to wave at Renjun and Renjun wanted to run. And he would have if his professor wasn’t standing right behind him, asking him to hurry inside and settle down.

Just like a badly written comedy movie that Renjun’s life had become, the only seat he found empty was beside Jaemin’s. He sat down in a grimace, eyes resolutely looking forward to avoid the grinning boy beside him.

It wasn’t helping that Renjun could feel the smugness roll off of Jaemin in waves.

“Junnie,” His voice crooned, in the sickeningly sweet voice that he used to terrorise most of Renjun’s classes in their sophomore year.

Renjun wouldn’t say that they were friends, or even acquaintances for that matter but he and Jaemin had sat beside each other in most classes for most of their freshman year and the other had shamelessly flirted with Renjun in every single class.

But that was just how Na Jaemin was, with anyone and everyone.

He ignored Jaemin, as he’d learned to do by now when the other scooted his chair closer to Renjun’s.

“Hey, I know you hear me Junnie~”

Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, don’t look at hi-

“Oh, come on, are you embarrassed?” Jaemin said and sounded almost gleeful about it?

Renjun looked at him to find his disarming smile still in place.

“What do you want.”

Jaemin smirked. “Oh baby, is that anyway to talk to someone you had a crush on?”

Renjun looked to the heavens for support.

“Jaemin, I swear to god-”

“But seriously though, I never thought that I’d ever get to have the honour of being on the receiving end of anything except your eye rolls.”

As if on cue, Renjun rolled his eyes.

“Look, I wrote that back in seventh grade-”

“I know, the mention of that kiss was a dead giveaway.”

Renjun felt his ears flush at how Jaemin said it.

They’d been at a house party at some kid’s house back in 7^th grade and like every other party that middle schoolers were at, they played truth or dare.

Renjun had been dared to kiss the person sitting opposite to him in the circle and it had happened to be Jaemin.

The Jaemin of that time had still been popular-it was hard not to be when you just looked like that- and Renjun had felt his palms starting to sweat at the thought of his first kiss being the school’s most popular guy.

But Jaemin had been sweet and kind, had smiled at him and told him that it was okay if he didn’t want to go ahead with the kiss. But Renjun was a rash middle schooler and he knew that backing out meant he was going to be made fun of-Yes, that was fucked up but that is how middle schoolers were- so he just shook his head and kissed Jaemin.

He remembered Jaemin’s smile when he pulled back, when he reached out to pinch Renjun’s cheek softly and backed away after that completely.

It was an insignificant memory in the grand scheme of things but Jaemin’s behaviour had had Renjun thinking himself into a crush on the other boy.

Hence, the letter.

“I didn’t know that you found my smile that pretty Junnie.” Jaemin said, amused and teasing.

Renjun wanted to die.

He sighed. Jaemin didn’t look uncomfortable to have received the letter but Renjun apologised anyway.

“I’m sorry that you had to read this, and I know it sounds fake but I really have no idea how the letters got sent out in the first place. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

Jaemin’s face immediately dropped all signs of mischief and amusement, taking on an expression of soft concern instead.

“Hey hey, it’s completely fine. I am not uncomfortable or anything and neither should you be, it was just a childish crush and besides I was a lot more embarrassing about my crushes than this, your crush was at least cute as heck.”

Renjun smiled at that. Jaemin cooed. “Just like you.”

Renjun frowned again.

“I cannot believe that I ever liked you.”

Jaemin smiled. “Well, if it helps, you were my first kiss too.” He winked.

Renjun raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Really?”

Jaemin grinned. “Nope.”

Renjun snorted. “Right.”

Jaemin left him alone for the rest of the class after that, only calling out to him when the class ended.

Renjun turned to him.

“Don’t be embarrassed about it okay?” Jaemin said, softly smiling up at him.

It was times like this when Renjun knew just what had the entire school swooning over this guy.

Na Jaemin wasn’t just good looking and flirtatious; he was also kind.

“I’ll try.”

“The letters don’t look incriminating to me at all, but even if they were scandalous, you’re cute enough to get away with it.” Jaemin blew him a kiss.

Renjun rolled his eyes but smiled a little nonetheless. “Fuck off Jaemin.”

--

Two done, four to go.

Renjun found himself wondering when he left the last class of his day. Only Jaemin had confronted him in school and Renjun didn’t know what to think, would it be too optimistic to think that the others just would never confront him? Choosing to ignore the whole thing?

Now that, that sounded like a blessing.

Too engrossed in his thoughts, he collided with someone.

An apology was on his tongue when he paused as he saw who it really was.

Lee Jeno blinked as he looked at Renjun, face void of any expression.

Renjun blinked back, equally as stupidly.

Jeno was another one of the people he’d written a letter to.

Renjun tried to open his mouth to say something, anything, to dispel this awkward atmosphere around them and to possibly apologise when Jeno straightened up, and brushed past Renjun like he didn’t even exist.

Renjun stood there for a good couple of seconds, not knowing how to react.

Did Jeno not get the letter?

No, that can’t be right. Jeno wouldn’t have given him the cold shoulder like that for no reason.

He felt himself deflate.

It wasn’t like he expected Jeno to not be weird about it, but maybe, just maybe he didn’t have to be this cold about it?

It wasn’t like Renjun did anything on purpose.

And Jaehyun and Jaemin’s reactions had given him hope? Was that even the right word? That things weren’t as bad as Renjun was thinking they were.

But Jeno’s reaction-or the lack of it, whatever- made him feel like a fool again.

Renjun sighed, he didn’t know why he felt sad.

Whatever.

Renjun didn’t have time for this.

He needed to get to his locker and then get the fuck out of this place.

But as the universe didn’t want good things to happen for even a second to Renjun that day, he saw Mark Lee leaning on the locker beside Renjun’s, scrolling through his phone.

Renjun didn’t even have it in him to react anymore, he knew Mark would want to talk, so he just speed walked to where Mark was standing. “Hey.” He said.

Mark looked up in surprise as if he wasn’t standing beside Renjun’s locker waiting for him.

“Let’s get out of here.” Renjun said, in monotone but he hoped Mark understood that he didn’t want to talk about everything where people could hear them.

Mark looked confused for a second before it hit him and he nodded, walking behind Renjun as he walked to the parking area, there weren’t a lot of people there.

“So,” Mark started, talking softly as if he was talking to a cornered animal. And after the day he’d had, Renjun felt like one too, he wondered if he looked as exhausted as he felt and if Mark could see it.

“Bad day?” Mark asked, eyes shining with genuine concern for Renjun.

Renjun just looked at him. “Well, let’s just say you’re not the first person I’d had to talk to about the letters today.”

Mark tilted his head. “There were more people who got them?”

Renjun sighed. “Yeah, I wrote six letters, for the boys I’ve had a crush on.”

Mark nodded. “Okay, cool uh, we don’t have to talk about anything right now if you don’t want to? Like dude, you look like you could use a nap.”

Renjun chuckled humourlessly. “I also need to disappear off of the face of the earth but thanks.”

Mark laughed. “I don’t think it’s that bad. Did the others have bad reactions?”

Renjun’s mind flitted back to Jeno and he sighed again. “Something like that.”

“Well, I don’t mind the letter, and that’s actually what I wanted to tell you too, like, I thought you’d be feeling awkward or whatever about it and you totally don’t have to! We can just pretend it never happened.”

Renjun blinked at him.

He knew that Mark was nice, damnit, he’d had the crush in the first place because Mark was nice and kind and Renjun had wanted to get to know him better.

Renjun had been a freshman, and Mark was a sophomore.

Mark had seen that the way Mark’s friends were talking and teasing Renjun loudly during the freshman orientation was making him uncomfortable so he’d calmed them down, flashing Renjun a kind smile and asked him to feel free to come to him if he needed any help.

Renjun wasn’t used to high school, much less cute high school boys who seemed kind and had a smile that could light up entire rooms. So, he’d gone ahead and got a crush, he and Mark hadn’t talked at all after that initial introduction though, just occasionally bumping into each other in the hallways.

“Do you have no questions?” Renjun asked, he’d expected Mark to at least ask him something.

Mark looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, not if it makes you uncomfortable?”

Renjun’s comfort?

Mark was worried about him when this situation could not have been more uncomfortable for Mark?

What alternate universe had Renjun stepped in where humans were actually decent?

“I’d still say I’m sorry though. I have no clue how they got sent out, maybe it just mistakenly got added to the other mail to be sent out this week or something, but I swear I never had the intention of ever sending these out! So, I am sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Mark just smiled at him. “It’s fine, I mean I was a bit surprised not gonna lie, a love letter was the last thing I expected today morning but I mean, it’s whatever man, it’s all in the past so chill.”

Renjun found himself nodding to Mark’s words.

When suddenly an idea struck his head. He looked up at Mark, who was looking to the side now, standing there with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets.

It was a gamble and Mark would probably run away from him but it was worth a try.

“Hey Mark?”

“Yeah?”

Renjun closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before saying, “Do you want to date?”

Mark’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I mean, fake date.” Renjun clarified.

Mark’s face only twisted more in confusion. “You want to fake date?”

Renjun nodded.

“Why?”

Renjun exhaled. “It’s a long story.”

Mark crossed his arms and Renjun was felt nervous thinking that he’d offended Mark in some sort of way but then heard the amusement lacing Mark’s tone when he spoke next. “Well, I think I deserve to hear it.”

Which, okay, he did.

So Renjun told him all about Jaehyun, and his crush and the phone call he’d had with Jaehyun that morning, ending with a sigh.

Standing in the middle of his school parking lot telling Mark Lee his life story was not how Renjun expected his day to go, but well, he didn’t expect a lot of things and they happened anyway.

So, he was just winging it now.

Mark hummed. “So, you need a boyfriend in a week’s time because you lied to Jaehyun about having one when he asked you if you were over your crush.”

Renjun grimaced. “Can you not repeat it?”

Mark chuckled. “Sorry dude, it’s just, all of this is so wild.”

“Welcome to my life.” Renjun deadpanned.

Mark seemed to take Renjun in for a moment, before seemingly thinking deeply about something.

Renjun couldn’t force Mark to do this favour for him, but he tried again. “I mean, I can’t force you to do it if you really don’t want to-”

“Sure.” Mark said, shrugging, effectively cutting Renjun off.

Renjun paused. “Excuse me what?”

Mark smiled. “I said, sure, we can fake date, I don’t mind.”

Renjun blinked twice. “I really thought you’d need more convincing.”

Mark shrugged again. “It’s not like I’m losing anything, or even have anyone I like at the moment, so I’ll help you.” He smiled. “And besides, it might help me a bit too.”

“Help?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah, it isn’t like a big deal but like you know how people are constantly shipping Jimin and I, right?”

Obviously Renjun knew that. Mark was easily one of the most popular guys at school, being the captain of the soccer team and all while Jimin was the most popular girl, she was cheerleading squad’s captain. Perfect shipping material, the two of them.

From how much Renjun had seen and heard, Mark and Jimin were friends, really close ones at that but the students somehow thought that they were dating. No matter how many times Mark and Jimin clarified that they weren’t, it didn’t work.

“Yeah, I know.”

Mark sighed. “I feel like that’s starting to somehow affect our friendship, not outright of course but we have to be so careful around each other in school because people are always blatantly staring or gossiping right where we can hear them. So maybe them knowing that I’m dating someone else will finally help them see how delusional they’re being.”

Renjun made a face. “Oh my god, I’m going to have haters.”

Mark laughed, a full bellied chuckle that had Renjun cracking a smile too. “No, don’t worry, I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

Renjun snorted, amused. “Playing the boyfriend role already Mark?”

Mark winked at him. “I mean, why not?”

Renjun rolled his eyes.

“So, like, we’re boyfriends now, right?” Mark asked.

Renjun nodded, not knowing why his heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, I guess.”

Mark grinned. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Renjun nodded and turned around, prepared to leave.

“Wait!” Mark stopped him.

Renjun turned back around.

“I don’t have your number.” Mark said, sheepishly. “It’d be unnatural to not have each other’s numbers, right?”

“Right.” They exchanged numbers.

“See you tomorrow boyfriend!” Mark said, waving at Renjun as he left, laughing when he saw how red Renjun got at that.

--

The first thing Renjun noticed when he got back home was the sound of laughter.

Which if you lived with Chenle, was very common.

But there were two voices coming from the living room instead of just Chenle’s and Renjun furrowed his eyebrows as he approached the sound.

There, sitting in all his glory was Lee Donghyuck.

Renjun gaped. He really couldn’t catch a break huh?

Chenle noticed him first. “Oh, you’re back! Donghyuck’s here.”

Donghyuck looked at him too. “Hi Renjun.”

“What the fuck are you doing in my house.”

Renjun knew that was rude but excuse him for not caring.

Donghyuck looked amused but he gasped in fake hurt. “That’s no way of talking to a guest, I saw Chenle when I was leaving school and followed him here. I needed to talk to you anyway.”

“I really do not wish to talk to you.”

Donghyuck clicked his tongue. “Too bad you’re going to have to babe.”

Chenle looked at their exchange with mischief in his eyes. “Ooh.”

“Do you ever shut up Chenle?” Renjun asked, exasperated.

“Nope!” Chenle grinned.

“What do you want Donghyuck?”

Yes, he’d written a letter to Donghyuck too. Back in 6^th grade.

And out of all them, his crush on Donghyuck made the least sense to him, the other was a menace, Renjun had spent too many days imagining strangling Donghyuck for him to ever understand what had come over him when he’d actually liked him.

Renjun shuddered. Yeah, it wasn’t something he was proud of.

“Renjunnie, you’ve given me so many death threats over these past two years during our club activities, I never imagined those were just a pretence to cover up your crush on me.” Donghyuck crooned, in a saccharine voice that made Renjun want to jump off a cliff.

“I wrote that in sixth grade.” Renjun said in a deadpan, knowing it was hopeless now that Donghyuck had this leverage on him.

“Yeah, I remember, we were seat partners.” Donghyuck paused, sighing dreamily, “You compared me to sunshine Renjun, how poetic of you.”

Renjun clenched his fists. “You are so fucking annoying.”

Donghyuck grinned. “Oh, but you like me.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “I don’t, actually so can you like, fuck out of my house and my life? I don’t want to see you anymore than I have to.”

Donghyuck gasped, clutching his chest. “But I came all the way here just to honour you with my presence.”

“I am one second away from committing your murder, jail sentence be damned.”

Donghyuck laughed. “Damn Jun, you always make it so much fun to tease you.”

Renjun looked to Chenle, who was sitting there grinning. “Why are you still here?”

“No reason, but it’s fun to see you agonised.” Chenle replied.

Renjun couldn’t believe the life he was living.

“Do you have any questions about the letter?” Renjun asked, sighing, just to be nice. Donghyuck was a demon but that didn’t mean Renjun had to be.

“Not really, I just wanted to annoy you.”

Renjun stared at him, unblinking.

Was this guy for real?

“In that case, this has been lovely Donghyuck but I’d much rather have you leave now.” Renjun said, saccharine smile on his face.

Surprisingly, Donghyuck listened. “Yeah yeah, I don’t want to overstay my welcome anyway.” He said, while walking towards the door.

“There was no welcome, no one welcomed you.” Renjun said.

“Chenle did.” Donghyuck said, high fiving Chenle who was standing beside Renjun before leaving.

Renjun turned to Chenle.

“Why’d you bring him home?”

Chenle shrugged. “He said he wanted to talk to talk to you and he seemed fun.”

Renjun sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Chenle seemed amused. “Why’d you hate him anyway, I’ve never seen you this annoyed.”

“He’s just annoying and acts like a know it all. His arguments in the debates we have for Lit club are just obnoxious.” Renjun made a face.

Chenle just laughed, going up towards his room. “Maybe you should try being friends with him, something tells me you’ll fit right together.”

--

Being nervous was not very uncharacteristic of Renjun, he’d always been nervous before almost every big event in his life, sometimes even the things that didn’t matter, but being nervous before meeting Mark to discuss the terms of their fake relationship made very little to no sense to Renjun himself.

It was a fake relationship, Renjun had no reason to be anything but professional and practical about it.

Especially seeing the way Mark smiled and waved at him when Renjun entered the café they’d agreed on meeting in.

“Hey.” Renjun greeted Mark.

The other gave him a smile. “Hi.”

Renjun couldn’t help but notice that Mark looked good that day, he was wearing simple blue jeans and a white t-shirt, his hair pushed back with a few strands falling on his forehead.

But well, he did have 90 percent of the school falling for him.

Renjun had a creeping sensation that the meeting was going to go awkwardly, knowing what they were going to discuss.

But instead,

“You want to order something?” Mark asked, “I think I’ll go for like, a milkshake. Coffee makes me jittery.” He giggled as he looked at the menu.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t going to be that awkward after all.

Renjun smiled as he let his eyes fall on the menu too. “I think I’ll just get an iced latte.”

Mark nodded, calling the waiter over and ordering their drinks before looking at Renjun.

“So.” Renjun started.

“We need to come up with a story.”

Renjun tilted his head. “I’m starting to feel like you’ve done this before.”

Mark chuckled, his eyes crinkling. “No, I swear I haven’t. You’re my first fake boyfriend.”

His tone was teasing and Renjun rolled his eyes with the smile intact on his face.

“But yeah, you’re right, we need to come up with a story, no one’s going to just believe that you, the most popular guy in school, just started dating a random guy without any cohesion.” Renjun said, “Also it doesn’t help that people are always up in your business, if you were dating, people would know.”

Mark made a face. “I hate that.”

Renjun scoffed. “Well, Mr. Hotshot Captain, you got to deal with it now.”

Mark’s eyes turned amused. “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer obviously.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“When did you get over the crush?” Mark asked.

Hm, now that, Renjun had never thought about.

“Well, it’s not like we ever talked much after that first time, so it was easy to just push you to the back of my brain.”

Mark nodded, smiling. “I’ve been told I normally have a little more impact than that.”

Renjun was done with pretty boys with a flirting problem.

He kicked Mark’s foot lightly beneath the table. “I’m regretting making you my fake boyfriend.”

Mark chuckled. “Aw, already?”

They were interrupted by the drinks getting delivered to their table, Mark thanking the waiter with a smile.

“So, a story?”

Mark hummed around a sip of his milkshake.

“We’ll have to say that we met outside school or something, during summer vacation.”

Renjun nodded. “Yeah, what place sounds natural to you?”

Mark shrugged. “I don’t know, the library?”

Renjun raised his eyebrows. “You go to the library?”

“Yes I do, I love reading. I take offense to your surprise, by the way.”

Renjun immediately looked down on the table, ears heating up in embarrassment for judging Mark.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect that.”

Thankfully, Mark was a good sport and he just laughed.

“I go to the library quite often too, I’m surprised that I’ve never seen you.”

Mark looked sheepish. “Yeah well, I go at pretty odd times of the day.”

Renjun nodded, drinking his coffee.

“So, we met at the library, started talking, and ended up dating?” Mark said.

“I mean, yeah, we don’t have to have a detailed story or anything, just something people and Jaehyun would buy.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“And now let’s discuss terms.” Renjun said.

“Damn, remind me to always bring you alone if I’m trying to make a deal with someone.”

Renjun chuckled at that, it was so easy to talk to Mark, the other had a permanent smile on his face and he was inviting and friendly. Renjun felt comfortable.

“What terms do you want?” Mark asked.

Now that Mark had asked him that, Renjun had no clue what to actually say.

“I don’t really know? It feels like we should have some terms.”

Mark looked at him a little intently then. “How do you feel about PDA?”

Renjun froze. How hadn’t he thought of that?

“I mean, no PDA in front of my family at least.” Renjun said.

“Yeah okay, but if we want it to be believable to the people at school, there has to be a little hand holding and hugging.” Mark said, and looked almost apologetic about it. Renjun realised it was because he thought Renjun would be uncomfortable.

He was not blind, he’d seen the way the couples at school were, you’d be lucky to not find almost 3 couples making out against the lockers every morning.

Hand holding and hugging, like Mark suggested was mild.

And surprisingly, the thought of being physically affectionate with Mark didn’t make Renjun as uncomfortable as he’d thought he would be.

Maybe because the other had a comforting aura around him.

“I don’t mind PDA.”

Mark’s eyes shot up to him, a little in surprise. “Really?”

Renjun laughed. “Yeah, I mean, if we’re doing this, we need to at least be convincing with it. I’m okay with kissing too, just, maybe not on the lips if it can be avoided?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah, I can definitely work with that. You’ll tell me if there was anything that made you uncomfortable, right?”

Renjun’s eyes softened. “Yeah, I would, Mark.”

Mark smiled, seemingly satisfied. “Okay, good.”

“So, do we start this act from tomorrow?”

Renjun nodded. And then sighed.

His junior year was really starting like this, huh?

“Yeah. Thanks again for doing this.”

Mark smiled as he waved him off. “Don’t mention it.”

--

“So, Jaehyun’s coming to town next week.” Sicheng casually mentioned when all of them were sitting together, eating dinner.

Renjun paused for a second, thinking of how that was literally the reason for all his problems right now.

“That’s nice! I’ll make all his favourite food.” Their mom smiled.

Sicheng laughed. “You spoil him too much; he keeps saying how he sometimes misses your cooking more than his mom’s.”

“Of course I spoil him, he’s like my son.”

Chenle and Renjun both scoffed. “Mom, you have four sons, how many more could you possibly want?” Renjun said, smiling.

Their mom had too big of a heart, a heart big enough to love almost everyone she met.

She laughed, reaching out to pinch Renjun’s cheek. “All of your friends are my kids too, and besides, with Kun gone, I have a vacancy.” She said teasingly.

All of them laughed.

“Wait till I tell Kun you said that!” Chenle cackled.

“Maybe that will finally prompt him to come home.” She complained.

Kun was away working, staying to choose where he’d gone to college. Renjun knew that their mom missed Kun a lot. She never differentiated between her kids but Kun was the first child their moms had adopted and he’d always be a bit special.

“California’s like, far.” Chenle said. “I’ll go to California too.” He nodded as if he’d decided already.

Their mom squished his cheeks. “Another one of my babies going away!”

“Mom, it’s like four years away, chill.” Chenle said, struggling to speak with her squishing his cheeks.

Renjun hid his smile behind his glass of water. He loved spending time with his family, they were like, a really close-knit unit.

His mother had once told him when they’d been talking about Renjun’s other mom, her wife, that all both of them had ever wanted was to create a space so safe and full of love that their kids never had to even for a second, feel like they couldn’t just be themselves, no matter what.

Renjun’s Mama had passed away too soon and his mom had taken it upon herself to carry forward what they’d decided.

Looking around the table, Renjun thinks she’d done a pretty good job.

Their house was always full of laughter, smell of flowers from the flower pots on the window sill, compassion and kindness. Renjun hadn’t had a day where he’d been sad and hadn’t been welcomed home with a hug and a promise that he didn’t need to work it all out on his own.

He thought he was lucky; he’d hit the family jackpot for sure.

“Junnie, you’re so quiet.” Sicheng said. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just perfect.”

Their mom finished her food, looking at all of them conspiratorially. “So, any crushes boys?”

All of them groaned.

She whined. “You boys never tell me anything! You’re in high school and college and none of you have anyone you like?”

Oh, she wouldn’t believe if Renjun told her what was going on his love life currently.

“Mom, you’d know if there was someone.” Chenle said.

“Yeah, even if we don’t tell you ourselves, you’d still know.” Sicheng said, sounding exasperated but fond.

Her laughter was almost melodic. “That’s right.”

--

Renjun didn’t know what changed when you started dating.

Well, he knew what changed when two people started dating, he had at least enough dating experience to know that much but he didn’t exactly know how things would be different now that he was supposedly Mark’s boyfriend.

He walked inside that school with anxiousness and a bit of …. anticipation?

Nothing was out of the ordinary in the hallways, and Renjun realised that just because his world had significantly changed in the last 24 hours, that didn’t mean everybody’s had. Obviously, things were normal.

Renjun sighed, maybe he was being too jittery and he needed to chill.

He walked to his locker, opening it and putting the books he didn’t need for the first period inside, he shut the locker, only to almost jump a mile.

Mark was leaning on the locker beside him, a smile on his face.

Renjun exhaled as he clutched his chest. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Mark let out a short laugh, reaching up to ruffle the front of Renjun’s hair softly. “Good Morning Jun.”

Something jolted inside of him at the nickname and the softness in Mark’s voice, Renjun knew all of this was just an act but wow, Mark was too good at this.

He plastered a smile of his own, the slight blush on his cheek that had already appeared by Mark’s greeting and replied. “Hi.”

Mark looked amused, as if he could see how fast Renjun’s internal monologue was happening and also seeing through Renjun’s awkwardness.

But thankfully, he at least seemed to know what to do and look convincing while doing it.

He shuffled a little closer to Renjun, his fingers gently caressing the back of Renjun’s hand. “Sleep well?”

Renjun could only nod from where he was staring at Mark, he needed to get used to him fast, fuck.

“I’ll see you at lunch?” Mark asked, voice still soft and the smile still on his face.

“Yeah.” Renjun finally found his voice, letting a shy smile appear on his face.

Mark’s smile widened and he held Renjun’s hand to his mouth and pressed a quick kiss to the knuckles and then he was leaving, waving at Renjun.

What the fuck.

What the fuck?!

Is that how Mark was going to be?

Wow.

It took Renjun a couple seconds to tune back in to reality, the static in his ears finally dying down. His ears and cheeks were no doubt red and he felt ruffled, he hadn’t known that fake dating Mark would mean being at the receiving end of whatever Mark had pulled just then.

The voices around him finally registered to him, all sorts of hushed whispers of the scene that had happened right then.

Renjun smiled, walking towards his first class of the day.

He got his phone out.

Still going to try to tell me that you haven’t done this before?

The reply was instantaneous.

Mark

I haven’t done this

But I’ve acted and dated

Isn’t really difficult to combine both

Renjun rolled his eyes, trust Mark Lee to be good at everything. Even fake dating.

Show off

See you at lunch

Mark

Yup

See you then Jun 😉

What exactly had Renjun even gotten himself into?

--

Yangyang was boring holes into the side of Mark’s face like he had personally offended him or something.

Mark fidgeted in his seat.

“Cut it out Yang.” Renjun sighed.

“But where did he come from!” Yangyang said. “You can’t just show up with a boyfriend when I had no idea you even knew the dude!”

Renjun felt horrible for hiding the truth from Yangyang as well but he just didn’t want to take any risk, people could slip up sometimes on accident and that wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for anyone.

“It wasn’t anything serious, we just went on a few dates, I would’ve told you if it became serious which I am doing currently.”

Yangyang’s eyes narrowed. “So, you guys are serious now?”

Renjun eyed Mark surprisingly finding no hesitation on his face as he intertwined his fingers with Renjun’s on top of the table, Yangyang’s eyes following the movement.

Renjun didn’t know what to think of the effortless way in which Mark lied.

“Yeah, we are.” Mark said.

Yangyang sighed and deflated. And then whined.

“Junnie, tell me these things when they happen to you instead of just dropping a new boyfriend on my head, the most popular guy in school no less.”

Renjun smiled apologetically, ruffling Yangyang’s hair. “I’m sorry, lunch’s on me for the next week?”

Yangyang perked up a little at that, bribing with food always worked.

“Fine. And please don’t like, make out or anything in front of me please.”

Renjun’s cheeks heated up as he swatted Yangyang’s arms as Mark just laughed. “Don’t worry man, we won’t.”

Renjun’s eyes locked with Jaemin’s who was sitting with Jeno and a couple of other people a few tables away, the ever-disarming smile on his face.

Renjun could only stare with mild horror as he got up and started walking towards him.

He clapped Mark on his back in greeting, Mark wincing initially before he saw that it was Jaemin and brightening up.

God, Mark really just casually knew everyone in this damn school.

“Nana!”

Nana?

Jaemin pouted. “I heard all about the scene you pulled in front of the lockers today, got yourself a boyfriend and didn’t even think to tell me?” He legitimately was still pouting.

Renjun didn’t know if he was mildly endeared or mildly disgusted.

Mark laughed nervously, the first crack since morning.

Maybe lying to his friends was one thing he was bad at.

“Yeah man, it just happened quickly and out of nowhere you know?”

Jaemin just nodded before turning his eyes to Renjun.

“Even you didn’t think of telling me Renjunnie? Not even during our little chat yesterday?”

Renjun could feel Mark’s eyes on the side of his face, clearly curious about what Jaemin was talking about.

Renjun just rolled his eyes. “Didn’t think it was any of your business Na.”

Jaemin just smiled. “Anyway, I am happy for you two, you make a cute couple.”

“Thanks man.” Mark said.

“Also, you might want to talk to your little brother about this because Jisung said Chenle went into shock when people asked him if you two are dating.”

Renjun’s eyes widened. Oh fuck, right.

He hadn’t thought that people would go and ask Chenle about it, but of course they had.

He internally flinched at all the questions he’d have to answer once he was back home.

“I will, thanks.”

Jaemin shot him a finger salute, walking back to his own table.

Renjun’s eyes met Jeno’s for a brief moment, the other staring at him with an undecipherable look on his face. He immediately looked away.

So.

That was still going to be weird.

Renjun was brought back by Mark’s hand on his nape.

“Hey.” Mark said, looking at him. “I need to go to class now.”

And maybe the whole act and Mark’s behaviour was getting to him because Renjun put his forehead on Mark’s shoulder. “No.”

Mark chuckled, the vibrations shaking Renjun as Mark caressed the short hairs at the back of Renjun’s neck. “I have to babe, I’m sorry.”

Renjun broke away from him, making a sad face but nodding. “Okay.”

Mark left with a final hair ruffle and a goodbye to Yangyang, avoiding every glance that was thrown his way on his way out.

You become good at doing that when you’re too used to eyes on you, Renjun supposed.

He looked back at Yangyang who looked somewhere between mischievous and disgusted. “So, you two are gross, I hope you know that.”

Renjun rolled his eyes, and threw a tissue at him.

--

“You have a boyfriend?!”

Renjun flinched at the sheer volume of Chenle’s voice.

“Tell the whole neighbourhood, why don’t you.” Renjun deadpanned, flopping down on the sofa. Luckily, Sicheng and their mom were out or they would’ve known by now too.

Chenle scoffed in disbelief. “After the show in front of the lockers today, I don’t think you mind people knowing.” He rolled his eyes.

“You weren’t even there when it happened.”

“Didn’t stop the whole school telling me what happened in excruciating detail.” Chenle huffed.

“I was going to tell you I swear, it just skipped my mind.” Renjun finally said, smiling a bit apologetically at Chenle.

Chenle was pretty popular too, so Renjun didn’t doubt that people had definitely gone to him for more details. He hadn’t thought it would be a hassle to Chenle as well or else he would’ve told him advance.

Chenle just sighed. “It’s okay, I’m happy for you, I guess. Jisung went into shock.”

Renjun almost stiffened at Jisung’s mention.

Jisung had been their next-door neighbour ever since forever and he was also Chenle’s best friend. Their families were close so Renjun knew Jisung really well too.

But that’s the thing.

He’d written a letter to Jisung as well.

But the other boy had not even mentioned it to Renjun. It wasn’t possible that only his letter hadn’t gotten delivered or something.

Was Jisung too embarrassed to even bring it up?

“Earth to Renjun.” Chenle said.

“Yeah, right. Sorry.”

“Anyway, I’ve heard only good things about Mark, so I hope whatever it is between the two of you works out.” Chenle smiled at him.

Renjun couldn’t help the fondness that no doubt had appeared in his eyes as he ruffled Chenle’s hair. “Thanks, Lele.”

Renjun and Chenle had somewhat of a Tom and Jerry relationship, being so close in age and all. Banter and bickering came as naturally as second nature to them. But they also had a bond that no one else would quite understand.

Renjun was happy to have Chenle around and he knew the vice versa was true too.

But they would rather die than admit that to each other.

“How has Jisung been?” Renjun asked, curious. Had he mentioned the letter to Chenle?

Chenle looked up from his phone. “He’s fine, as weird as he always is. Why do you ask?”

Renjun shrugged. “Just haven’t see him in a while.”

Chenle nodded and went back to his phone.

Renjun sighed, something about the whole Jisung thing was unsettling him. He didn’t want the younger to feel uncomfortable and maybe because Renjun was the older one here, he felt this sense of responsibility to reach out to Jisung and ensure that the other boy was fine.

He took out his phone, opening up his chat thread with Jisung.

Hey Ji

Jisung

Oh

Renjun! Hey!

Could you meet me at your front porch right now?

Jisung

Sure?

Okay, see you in 2

Renjun got up from the sofa, telling Chenle that he would be back soon before jogging the little distance to Jisung’s front porch, finding Jisung already sitting on the front stairs that led to his house.

He smiled when he saw Renjun.

“Hey.” Renjun greeted, sitting down next to him.

“Hi Renjun, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Renjun said, wringing his hand a bit in nervousness.

How was he supposed to bring the topic up?

“So um,”

Jisung looked at him. “Yes?”

“Did you get any letters this week?”

Renjun grimaced at how lame that sounded.

Recognition flashed in Jisung’s eyes as he finally seemed to realise. “Ah! Yeah, I got your letter like three days ago.” He smiled then, eyes crinkling. “It was a cute letter.”

Renjun chuckled. Jisung was really adorable.

But yes, out of all the letters, the letter he’d written to Jisung was the least embarrassing, Renjun had written it when he was like, in fourth grade and Jisung was in second. The letter wasn’t even romantic or anything, Renjun had just written about the adorable kid from next door whose eyes sparkled when Renjun talked about the stars with him.

It was more of a ‘he’s adorable like a teddy bear and I want to protect him’ kind of a letter.

Flash forward to today, Jisung was almost like a younger brother to Renjun. Still adorable as heck.

“I just wanted to say sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” Renjun said.

Jisung just looked confused. “No, why would it make me uncomfortable?”

“Because it was almost like a love letter?”

Jisung laughed, the sound resounding. “You wrote that in like, fourth grade Renjun and I had a kid crush on you too.”

Renjun grinned. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, you took care of me and told me about the universe! I thought you were the coolest person alive.” Jisung said, a smile of his own adorning his face.

Renjun laughed at that, patting Jisung’s knee.

“I heard you’re dating Mark?” Jisung asked.

Renjun nodded. “Yeah, sorry you had to find out that way.”

Jisung waved dismissively. “It’s okay.” A smile. “I’m happy for you.”

Maybe Renjun should’ve chosen the resident douchebag to date because all these genuine wishes were making him fee really guilty. He’d much rather have people yelling at him for choosing the wrong person to date.

But he’d gone ahead and chosen Mark.

Renjun was so fucking done with himself.

“Yeah, Mark’s cool.” Renjun said, internally groaning.

Really Renjun? Cool? That’s all you can say about your boyfriend?

Jisung chuckled. “Does he make you happy?”

Renjun felt his features soften, the boy sitting beside him really was one of the most precious people on this planet.

“He does, Sungie.” He replied.

And at least this time, he wasn’t completely lying.

--

“I’m lying to like, every single person in my life. I hate this.” Renjun complained.

Mark and him were sitting on the bleachers together.

“A lot more people will see us that way.” Mark had suggested.

Mark sighed. “I know right, same here.”

They both looked forlorn for a second.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to look this sad when we’re together.” Renjun said, cracking a smile.

Mark laughed. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Mark reached out and played with Renjun’s fingers mindlessly.

“You don’t mind when I do this, right?” Mark asked.

Renjun shook his head. “I’d tell you if anything bothered me.”

Mark flashed him a smile. “Okay.”

They sat in silence for a while. Renjun went back to reading the book he had brought with him while Mark hummed to a random song.

“Oh hey, I wanted to ask.” Mark said.

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering, shouldn’t I at least know who are the people you wrote the letters to? Like you don’t have to tell me obviously but it would be weird if someone came to me and I didn’t know about it?” Mark said.

Yeah well.

That would look weird.

Renjun nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll tell you.”

He exhaled, closing the book and keeping it aside.

“So, there were six letters in total.”

Mark nodded.

“One was to you and one was to Jaehyun. You know that.”

Mark nodded again; his fingers were drawing circles on the back of Renjun’s hand. It was soothing.

“I wrote one to Jeno too, in seventh grade.”

Mark’s eyes slightly widened at that, not expecting it but he didn’t interrupt.

“And one to Jaemin, also in seventh grade.”

Mark full body finched, looking at Renjun with pity. “How did that go?”

Renjun chuckled. “Surprisingly well actually, he was only a normal level of annoying about it.”

Mark smiled. “I’m glad.”

“I wrote one to Jisung, he’s our next-door neighbour. But that was more of a kid crush thing.”

“Ah.”

Renjun sighed then. “And finally, I wrote one to Donghyuck.”

Mark stared.

And then he burst out laughing.

Renjun’s ears became hot with embarrassment as he hit Mark’s arm.

“Don’t laugh!”

“What the fuck Jun? You had a crush on Hyuck?!” Mark was still laughing.

“Shut up.” Renjun grumbled.

“Oh wow, he kept telling me that you gave him death threats all the time.” Mark calmed down a bit, little giggles still leaving his mouth. “He must’ve been insufferable about it.”

Renjun outright groaned. “He is a fucking demon.”

Renjun knew that Mark and Donghyuck were good friends, having ran in the same circles since they were children.

“An assortment of characters you had a crush on Renjun.” Mark said, voice teasing as he smiled lopsidedly at Renjun.

“Ugh, tell me about it. Half of those crushes don’t even make sense to me now. Like, Jaemin and Donghyuck I would kill in a heartbeat. Jeno is literally an ice prince I don’t even know what his problem is, and the crush on Jisung doesn’t even count.”

Mark hummed. “You didn’t mention me and Jaehyun.”

“What?” Renjun asked.

Mark smirked. “You didn’t mention me or Jaehyun. The crushes you had on us still make sense to you?”

Renjun’s cheeks reddened.

How did Mark always catch him off guard.

“Fuck off Mark.” He said, mumbling.

Mark gave a full bellied laugh. “I’m just joking Jun.”

“You’re the worst.”

Mark closed the distance between them, coming closer and pressing a kiss to the crown of Renjun’s head. “Sorry baby.”

Renjun stiffened.

“There’s the cheerleading team standing behind you.” Mark mumbled.

Ah.

Right.

Yeah okay, Mark needed to do that because there were people nearby.

Yes okay, that made sense.

Renjun gave Mark a blinding smile when the other pulled back, playing his part.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria?”

Mark’s eyes became crescents as he smiled back. “Yup, let’s go.”

--

“So, you’re really not going to give me any details about Mark?” Yangyang said, eyes squinting as he sipped on his bubble tea.

Renjun didn’t know what to tell him because there were no details whatsoever.

Damn, lying to your best friend sure was hard.

“We just met at the library, hit it off and went on like, a few dates and then he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes. That’s it.” Renjun said, walking beside.

They were both walking back from school.

“And where was I during this whole thing? Dead in a ditch?” Yangyang deadpanned.

Renjun flinched, Yangyang did have the right to complain about this after all.

“I mean, you technically were on vacation with your parents…” Renjun tried and stopped when Yangyang shot him an incredulous look.

“Renjun, you called me at 4 am in the morning to tell me that you’d finally won against Chenle in Battlegrounds. And you forget telling me about a whole ass man that you were dating?”

Renjun sighed, looking at the ground. “I am sorry Yang, I don’t have a good enough reason for doing that.”

Yangyang seemed to take pity on Renjun because he brushed their shoulders together in a placating gesture.

“It’s whatever, so tell me, is Mr. Captain as good as the school makes him out to be?” Yangyang wiggled his eyebrows, grinning.

Renjun stared at him. “I don’t know what you mean and I don’t want to find out either but well, Mark is really nice.”

“Everyone knows that Jun, if being nice was an Olympic sport, Mark would get a diamond medal blah blah I know that, but how is he as a boyfriend?”

Renjun took some time to think. He didn’t actually know how Mark was as a boyfriend but he thought back to the two days and how Mark had treated him. He felt his cheeks heat up at the memory of the number of times Mark had just caught him off guard.

Yangyang made a distressed noise from beside him. “Oh god, you’re blushing.”

“I’m not, shut up.”

As if on cue, Renjun’s phone chimed with a message.

Mark

Hey

You free tonight?

Renjun furrowed his eyes.

Yeah

Why?

Mark

Great!

You want to go on a date?

Renjun’s eyes widened slightly.

What the fuck was Mark onto?

Mark

We’re FAKE dating

Mark

So?

Can’t take my very cute fake boyfriend out on a date?

Renjun was going to punch him.

I am going to punch you

Mark

Great that’s settled then

I’ll pick you up at 6, dress casual!

How do you even know where I live

Mark

I have my sources 😉

 that isn’t stalkerish at all

Mark just sent another wink emoji at that and Renjun pocketed his phone.

He was sure the back of his neck was still hot.

“Lover boy did anything?” Yangyang asked, amused.

“He asked me out on a date.”

Yangyang whistled. “Get that!”

Renjun just shoved him, smiling at Yangyang’s ringing laughter.

“I hope you know I’m still mad at you though, all my bubble teas and lunches for the week are on you.” Yangyang said haughtily.

“Yes, your highness, how could I ever forget?” Renjun chuckled.

He thought it was a very small price to pay in the face of the guilt that Renjun felt when he had to lie to him.

--

“Why are you being such a boyfriend to me, I don’t even understand.” Renjun grumbled when he entered the café that Mark had brought them to.

Mark laughed. “How else am I supposed to act?”

Renjun stared at him when they both sat down at the table.

“I don’t know? You don’t have to do all this when we’re not at school.” Renjun said, feeling the fight leave his body because who was he kidding? Date or not, he liked spending time with Mark and he wasn’t going to give the impression to the other that he didn’t.

Mark just smiled, picking the menu up. “You’re good company and hey, if anyone from school sees us outside, then brownie points.” Mark winked.

Renjun was starting to forget who had initially suggested the whole fake dating idea.

“You’re honestly such a menace, you get that from all those years with Donghyuck?” Renjun said, smiling amusedly.

Mark groaned as if the mere name of the other boy brought him great distress.

“I couldn’t be as annoying as Donghyuck if I tried Renjun.”

Renjun nodded. “True true, you couldn’t.”

They ordered their food.

“So, I don’t know anything about you.” Mark started, “Except that you have a penchant for writing letters.”

Renjun gasped in offense at the grinning boy as if he couldn’t believe Mark had just said that.

He hit Mark’s hand. “Cannot believe that even you’d not let me live.”

Mark laughed. “I mean, it’s just so cute, I couldn’t help.”

“See if I ever tell you anything about myself.”

Mark smiled a little apologetically, looking at Renjun with puppy eyes.

Renjun gaped. Was Mark really giving him the puppy eyes?

Wow.

What even-

“Okay fine fine, what do you want to know?”

So Renjun was weak, damn him.

Mark smiled, satisfied. “Anything you want to tell me.”

Renjun hummed in consideration. “Hm, my favourite colour is yellow.”

Mark’s eyes shone. “Oh! That suits you so much.”

“What, really?”

“Yeah, it does.” Mark nodded enthusiastically. “it’s the colour of happiness, sunshine and creativity. Obviously, it suits you Jun.”

And Renjun couldn’t help the pleasant warmth that settled in his chest at the way had reacted so earnestly even at the most insignificant information. It made Renjun feel like maybe Mark cared about every little new thing he found out about Renjun.

“What’s yours? Blue?”

“Whoa dude! How did you know?” Mark actually looked shocked and Renjun laughed, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair.

“You mean apart from the fact that it is a common choice?” Renjun grinned. “Blue suits you.”

“Really?”

“Freedom, inspiration, sincerity and sensitivity, come on Mark, you still think it doesn’t?” Renjun couldn’t help the admiration in his voice as he said it, having always admired who Mark was a person even from a distance.

And now that he was so close, the feeling had only increased.

Mark looked sheepish as a tiny blush crept up his cheeks.

“Oh damn, the Mark Lee blushes too, huh?” Renjun teased, feeling too giddy entirely.

“And you say I’m the worst?” Mark mumbled.

Their food arrived then, both of them digging in immediately.

“Wow, I was hungry.” Renjun said.

“Same dude, this food tastes so good right now.”

They talked about a lot of mindless topics over the course of their food.

After the quintessential fight over who will pay the bill, they ended up splitting.

“You want to go get ice cream?” Mark asked.

“Yeah sure.”

The moment Renjun went out on the street, he closed his eyes, tipping his head back to feel the wind against his face.

He couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face. The wind was so cool and refreshing against his face.

It was a beautiful night.

He heard a camera shutter sound go off behind him, turning around to find Mark smiling at him, the phone in his hand.

“Why’d you take a picture?” Renjun whined.

“So that I can show my boyfriend off.” Mark said, opening up Instagram and the story feature.

Renjun just pouted. But he didn’t mind.

Mark stood there, putting up the story and then when he was satisfied, he put his phone away. “Ice cream?”

“Let’s go.”

--

That night, Renjun opened his Instagram to see Mark’s story appear first on his feed.

He clicked it open.

It was that photo and Renjun was surprised to see how content he looked in it before his eyes fell to the text written.

“Tell me my baby isn’t the most beautiful. <3”

He hid his face, feeling shy all of a sudden even though nobody was there to see him.

Mark would be the death of him.

He quickly put a picture of Mark that he’d clicked when the other was eating ice cream on his story, Mark looked especially adorable in this and put up the caption, ‘you say that when you’re THIS adorable? @ lee_mark

He locked his phone, burrowing himself under the covers.

--

“Renjunnie!” Renjun immediately rolled his eyes at the voice while Mark just laughed.

They were at lunch, sitting together.

Yangyang hadn’t come to school that day, some family thing so the two of them had been alone. Till now, apparently.

Donghyuck flopped himself on the seat next to Renjun. Already annoying.

“Who was going to tell me that you two were dating?” Donghyuck whined.

“Nobody.” Renjun deadpanned.

Mark chuckled. “Yo Hyuck.”

“Do not ‘yo hyuck’ me Minhyung.” Donghyuck sounded stern yet pouty.

Renjun stifled a laugh.

“Minhyung?” Mark asked, exasperated.

“That’s the closest you’ll get to me calling you ‘hyung’, Mark.” Donghyuck smiled, saccharine.

Then he turned to Renjun. “You.”

“What.”

“You had a crush on me like, three days ago.”

Renjun blinked and tried to remind himself that murder wasn’t worth the jail time.

“Correction actually dumbass, I had a crush on you five years ago.” Renjun said.

Donghyuck deflated like a balloon on the table. “Do you guys even know how much the entire school is talking about you two?”

They were aware.

Everywhere they went, stares would follow. Renjun couldn’t lie and say that they didn’t bother him at least a bit.

“Yeah, they’re surprised that Mark is dating me, I mean, they probably didn’t expect me to be dating him out of all people.”

Now, Renjun wasn’t self-depreciative, but the few whispers he’d heard had been getting to him.

Surprisingly it was Donghyuck who swatted his hand. “It’s a less ‘you’ thing and a more ‘why is it not Jimin’ thing. These people are literally like hyenas Renjun, don’t give a fuck about them.”

He sounded dismissive while saying it but certain too.

Renjun felt himself feeling oddly comforted.

“I agree with Hyuck, and I am sorry that you’re having to go through this.” Mark said, sounding genuinely apologetic.

Renjun waved him off. “It’s okay.”

Right then, there was a voice, “Mark!”

All three of them turned to see Jimin approaching them, a big smile on her face.

Mark beamed at her and stood up, hugging her tightly. Swaying her a bit.

And wow.

Renjun could see the whole fixation of the school.

Those two looked ….

Untouchable together.

“I go away for a week and you have a boyfriend?! And I have to find out about that from the others?” Jimin said, breaking the hug but still resting her hands on Mark’s shoulders.

 Mark chuckled. “Sorry, it was a very sudden thing.”

Jimin pouted and Mark booped her nose.

And Renjun-

Really needed to get out of there.

He was supposed to make the whole school believe that what Mark and he had was something real enough to beat this?

Yeah, no.

“Anyway, I want to meet him!”

Mark smiled, moving away so that Renjun was in Jimin’s sight.

“This is Renjun, my boyfriend.”

Even through the haze of mild panic, that word sent a warmth in Renjun’s stomach.

Jimin smiled at Renjun. “Oh my god you’re so cute! Mark is so lucky what the fuck.”

Renjun just smiled a little abashedly.

“Congratulations guys, we should totally all hang out together.” Jimin gushed. “You too, Donghyuck.” She said, looking at Donghyuck and he just grinned and shot her a finger salute.

Jimin then turned to Mark, talking about something.

And Renjun exhaled.

“You okay?” Donghyuck asked.

Renjun jumped at his voice.

He looked at Donghyuck who was smiling a bit softly.

“It’s intimidating, isn’t it? Seeing those two together.”

Renjun couldn’t do anything except nod. If he wasn’t imagining anything, Donghyuck’s smile had turned a bit sad?

Donghyuck reached up and ruffled Renjun’s hair. “Well cutie, you’re in luck because he cannot take his eyes off of you.” He sounded gleeful again, turning Renjun’s face to where Mark was standing and indeed, even while talking to Jimin, his eyes kept turning to Renjun as if checking in on him.

Renjun turned away, bashful.

Donghyuck just laughed.

--

“Jaehyun’s in town already?” Renjun asked Sicheng, trying to sound as cool as he possibly could.

Sicheng nodded, eyes unwavering from the movie playing on their TV.

It was the weekend. Renjun had completely forgotten about Jaehyun’s arrival.

“Is he coming over today or tomorrow?”

Sicheng looked at him at that, amused. “Why the sudden interest in Jaehyun?”

Renjun felt his cheeks get hotter. “I was just curious!”

Sicheng just chuckled at him. “Whatever you say Jun, but he’s coming over today evening.”

“Okay.” Renjun said.

It was not okay, he needed to make sure that Mark was here when Jaehyun got here because just imagining facing Jaehyun without his supposed ‘boyfriend’ being there as a buffer was giving Renjun cold sweats.

But he hadn’t even told their mom about him and she would no wonder be so shocked if he just randomly brought home his boyfriend out of nowhere.

Renjun sighed. Maybe he just had to do it anyway.

His mom would probably be dramatic for a little while and then be stoked at the prospect of Renjun having a boyfriend.

But he’d have to tell Mark about it first. Judging by the way the other boy had carried out the whole fake boyfriend thing in the last week, Renjun didn’t have any doubts that he’d fool Jaehyun into thinking the same way the entire school had.

Damn even Renjun got fooled sometimes.

He got up from the couch, not getting any reaction from Sicheng and went up to his room, and called Mark.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mark.”

”What’s up Renjun, everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just a minor thing.” Renjun said, biting his lip in nervousness for no reason.

“What happened?”

The hint of worry in Mark’s tone made Renjun smile a bit.

“Jaehyun’s coming over today.”

Mark made a sound that was somewhat like a gasp.

“Today?”

“And like, I know this is short notice but I kind of really do not want to face him without you there and I understand if you have plans for the evening already but it would be really nice if you could come.” Renjun rambled.

Mark chuckled, regardless of the situation in hand.

“I don’t have plans Jun, I’ll come. Don’t worry.”

Renjun released a breath that he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you so much Mark.”

“This is literally what our deal is for, why are you thanking me?” Mark laughed.

Renjun smiled too. “I can still be grateful that you’re doing this.”

“Nah, I get a new friend this way too, it isn’t like it’s a burden or whatever.”

Renjun’s smile widened a bit. “I’ll see you at 6?”

“Yup.”

--

“I don’t think it’ll look good if Jaehyun caught you staring at him like that.”

Renjun shot back from his trance at Mark’s amused voice from beside him.

Renjun turned to glare at him. “I’m not staring excuse you.”

Mark smiled, secretive. “Sure, babe.”

They both turned back to the entrance where Jaehyun and Sicheng stood, talking to Sicheng’s mom as she gushed over Jaehyun. Renjun still hadn’t told her that Mark was her boyfriend.

He’d known that this moment would come from a week ago but that still didn’t stop him from stiffening up when Jaehyun and Sicheng walked towards them. But to his surprise, before Renjun could even open his mouth, Jaehyun brightened up at the sight of Mark, hugging him tight as Mark chuckled and hugged him back.

Um?

What?

As if sensing his confusion, Mark turned to him. “Soccer team.”

Ah.

The high school soccer team.

Jaehyun had been captain before he graduated.

“It’s so good to see you man!” Jaehyun said, smiling at Mark.

“You too! Stanford been okay so far?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes as if that was the weirdest thing he’d heard all day. “It’s killing me but well, it’s Stanford so I can’t even complain.”

Sicheng looked at Renjun who looked right back at him.

The other two were straight up bonding. Renjun hadn’t even known that his ‘boyfriend’ knew Jaehyun.

Honestly, fuck Mark.

“Renjun, hi.” Jaehyun greeted him next, smile warm and his dimples popping out And he was his perfectly normal, sweet self that he’d been all his life but all Renjun could think of was ‘letter letter letter letter letter he read the letter lett-‘

Sicheng looked at him weirdly and that brought Renjun back.

Sicheng was weirdly perceptive and he really didn’t know to get any clue about what was happening because that would guarantee a fail and Sicheng would just call bullshit on Renjun’s act.

“Hi Jaehyun.” Renjun greeted back, trying for a smile that didn’t like too much like a customer service smile.

“I didn’t know you were friends with Mark.” Jaehyun said, tone light.

“Yeah, me neither. But Renjun hides away whatever friends he has from us anyway. I say, it’s sus.” Sicheng said.

Renjun huffed while the other two laughed.

“It’s more of a recent thing that we started talking.” Mark said, saving the show. Renjun really owed him big time. Then he looked at Renjun with a soft smile. “And we’re boyfriends, actually.”

Renjun kept staring at Mark. Half because he didn’t want to look at the others’ reactions yet and half because Mark was still smiling softly at him and Mark’s smiles made it hard to look away.

“You’re what?” Sicheng asked, voice a little high.

Renjun internally flinched. He’d never lied to Kun and Sicheng, ugh. Stupid letters. Stupid whoever sent them out.

“It’s a recent thing.” Renjun said, voice small.

Jaehyun on the other hand, sounded gleeful. “Oh my god, that’s amazing! You guys are so good for each other.”

Renjun tried to give his best bashful smile.

“I don’t get it, how did I have no clue about this? I live in the same house as you?” Sicheng asked, still confused.

“You’ve always lived under a rock Sichengie, it’s okay.” Jaehyun patted Sicheng’s head while the other grumbled and swatted his hand away.

Sicheng looked at the two of them like he was trying to evaluate something and Renjun felt shivers go up his spine.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Sicheng said to Renjun, in chinese as he just nodded while Sicheng took Jaehyun away to presumably his own room so they could catch up.

Renjun deflated. And Mark drew circles on his back. “You in trouble?” He sounded concerned.

“Not really, Sicheng is as scary as a kitten honestly.” Renjun said. He mostly just felt bad for lying.

“Our house is like, a hundred percent more interesting than the shows on TV.” Renjun heard Chenle say from the top of the staircase.

“Why are you always annoying?” Renjun said as Chenle climbed down the stairs and fist bumped with Mark. Huh, when did that happen?

Chenle grinned at him, teeth sharp like a shark’s. “It’s my duty as the youngest child of the household.”

“You’re spoilt.”

“How dare you, I prefer it to be called ‘a bit extra loved’” Chenle said and Mark laughed.

“Dude,” Mark said between laughs, and Chenle looked entirely too smug.

Renjun sighed. “Why didn’t you come down ad greet Jaehyun?”

Chenle waved dismissively. “I have like a, thirst crush on him.”

Mark snorted, Renjun gaped at Chenle. “You’re straight.”

“And?” Chenle raised an eyebrow. “He’s Jaehyun.”

Both Mark and Renjun nodded at that. “Fair.”

“Anyway lovebirds! I’m going to go and hang out with Jisung now so bye! Bye Mark!”

“Bye!” Mark yelled.

“Hey! Why does he get a special bye?!” Renjun complained.

“Because I like Mark better than you, duh.” Chenle rolled his eyes before disappearing behind the front door.

Mark laughed again. “Dude, Chenle is cool.”

“Chenle is hellspawn is what he is. Stop ganging up on me.” Renjun pouted.

Mark smiled at him. “You think the plan worked? Jaehyun believed us?”

“I think so? And even if he didn’t, how’s he going to prove that it’s not real?”

“True.”

“Renjun!”

Renjun turned to the start of the hallway where his mom was standing, glaring. “You did not tell me that you had a boyfriend and much less that you were having him over for dinner!”

Oh shit, here we go.

Mark fumbled. This obviously not being in the syllabus.

Somehow.

“N-no I won’t stay for din-”

Oh, it was sweet how Mark thought he could get out of this one.

His mom walked up to them. “None of that dear, you’re staying for dinner. Renjun hid you away for too long.”

She shot a glare at Renjun, immediately smiling at Mark.

She cooed. “You boys look so cute together, my goodness.”

Mark blushed, eyes darting to the floor.

And Renjun tried to hide his smile because of how cute that was.

“Now now, come on you two, help me out in the kitchen and you can tell me all about it!” She said, patting both of them on their cheeks and leaving.

‘What do I do?’ Mark mouthed at Renjun.

Renjun shrugged, pulling Mark towards the kitchen by hand. Letting him know that there was nothing they could do to get out of this.

--

Renjun was not looking forward to dinner that night, that was sure.

His mom had roped Mark into staying too, and if the way Mark was practically following her around like a lost puppy was any sign, it wasn’t like he minded staying at all.

Not to mention that Jaehyun was still over, and Chenle had brought Jisung along too.

Between all of them, Renjun felt the need to hide in his room for the rest of the night.

Where was Kun when he needed him?

“Junnie, set the table, would you?” His mom called out, practically beaming in happiness.

Renjun smiled as he got to work, what was with Asian moms and their happiness in feeding people?

He set up the table for seven people, and poured water into the glasses right as his mom, Mark and Chenle brought the dishes and put them on the table.

Mark passed Renjun a smile.

Renjun chuckled when he saw all the food. “Trying to feed the entire neighbourhood mom?” He said, kissing the top of her head as he side-hugged her.

She just pinched his side. “You shut up, you’re all growing boys and you need to eat.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. Mark was looking at them fondly.

Jaehyun and Sicheng came to the table at that moment too, Jisung having been put on duty to call them out.

Jaehyun let out a gasp. “So much food!”

“Why are you even surprised at this point is beyond me.” Sicheng said.

His mom laughed. “Sit down now, I’ll join in a second.”

They all sat down, Renjun was sitting between Chenle and Mark with Jaehyun right opposite to him.

Mark placed a hand on Renjun’s knee as if he knew Renjun was feeling a bit fidgety.

“Hey.” Mark said, softly. “You fine?”

Renjun looked at him and smiled, automatically putting his hand on top of his. “Yeah.”

Mark smiled back, squeezing his knee once and removing his hand.

Renjun cursed himself for missing the warmth. 

“Gross.” Chenle said.

“You can’t even see us.” Renjun replied.

“Irrelevant.”

Jisung laughed and Renjun just sighed. Sicheng and Jaehyun had been engaged in conversation but they turned to them too.

“So how long has it been?” Jaehyun asked.

“A week.” Mark said.

Sicheng made a face. “A week and you still didn’t tell us.”

“Speak for yourself, I knew.” Chenle said.

“Me too, actually.” Jisung added.

“Not because he told you.” Sicheng shot them both exasperated looks.

Renjun was going to say something when his mom came back, sitting down and serving them all inhuman amounts of food.

“You’ve gotten thinner Jaehyun.” She said, clicking her tongue like she didn’t approve at all.

Jaehyun laughed. “Now nobody makes as good food as you do~” He said, dimples on show.

Renjun stared. This guy, wow.

“Such a sweet talker still.” She said, pinching his cheek and giving him the best piece of meat.

“Are you Jaehyun’s mother or ours?” Chenle complained.

“Mom, you eat up too. If we want anything, we’ll take it.” Sicheng said.

She nodded, serving herself too.

“This is so delicious!” Mark said at the first bite, his eyes widening.

Renjun laughed.

His mom brightened up too.

“You’re so cute oh my god, Renjun, did you really just never bring him before this and thought it was okay?” His mom gushed.

“Yeah yeah mom, replace me with Mark why don’t you?” Renjun said.

“I just might.”

“Please do, I don’t like Renjun.” Chenle said.

“It’s like I breathe and you have a problem.” Renjun answered.

“The fact that Chenle tries to hate on Renjun like he wouldn’t literally be lost if Renjun even left for a day is never not funny to me.” Sicheng said, calmly eating his food.

“I know right!” Jisung agreed.

Chenle made an offended face. “Now how dare all of you.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “This house is always so entertaining.”

Mark was looking at all of them with a smile. Renjun had no doubts that he’d be fitting right into these conversations pretty soon too.

“Mark, it really is so good to see you, you were always my favourite junior.” Jaehyun said.

Mark laughed, a little shy. “I mean, they did make me captain because you said you trusted me well enough to lead the team.”

“I’m happy that you and Renjun are together, you’ve both been like little brothers to me.”

“Yeah, remember when Renjun used to follow you around like when he was in middle school?” Chenle said.

Jaehyun looked right at Renjun, a smile curling on his lips. “Yeah, he did do that, didn’t he.”

“Yeah, it was so cute.” His mom laughed.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was almost like a crush.” Sicheng said.

Mark choked beside Renjun, and Renjun knew he’d choked because he was going to laugh.

That bitch.

Everybody laughed.

Renjun wanted to die.

“Haven’t we all followed Jaehyun around at some point in our lives?” Jisung asked.

Bless that kid.

“Yeah, we have. He was just a cool older brother figure.” Chenle said.

Yeah Chenle, right.

“What about me?” Sicheng asked, offended.

“Nah, you‘re just Sicheng.” Chenle said.

“That’s not true! He was cool too.” Jisung immediately protested.

Their mom laughed. “You boys were cute when you were younger. I wish you came along earlier Mark.” She smiled at him warmly.

Mark turned bashful, not knowing how to act.

Renjun put his hand on top of Mark’s. “But he’s here now.” He said, looking at Mark. “That’s what matters.”

Mark’s eyes softened.

“Yes! Can we all hang out with Mark all the time?” Chenle said.

“Oops Mark, I think someone will be attached to you all the time now.” Sicheng smiled.

Mark laughed. “I don’t mind that.”

“I used to think he’d have attitude issues or whatever, being the most popular guy in school but he’s so nice?” Jisung said, like he actually couldn’t believe it.

Renjun smiled, that boy was so pure.

They all talked about random shit for the next little while, finishing up the meal and Renjun found himself actually enjoying conversations with Jaehyun, having forgotten how much fun the other guy was.

They sat down on their sofa with ice cream.

“So Jaehyun, anyone special in your life?” His mom asked.

“Sichengie~” He just made kissy faces towards Sicheng while he just pushed his face away.

Everyone laughed.

Then Jaehyun sat up straight, face mildly aflame and Renjun looked in wonder because Jung Jaehyun blushing?

“Whoa, you’re blushing.” Mark said.

Renjun’s thoughts exactly.

“There is someone. He’s a senior and we’re roommates.”

Collective ‘oohs’ went around.

“Is he hot?”

“Is he Korean?”

“That’s just problematic Chenle, you’re not even Korean. Is he nice?”

“Does he treat you well?”

Renjun heard an array of questions being thrown at Jaehyun, some of them being his too.

Jaehyun chuckled. “Chill guys, we’re just friends and he probably sees me as a kid or something. But he’s Japanese and he’s really nice and kind.” Jaehyun said, sighing. “And hot.”

His mom made a sound of consideration. “I need to meet him so that I know he’s worthy of my Jae.”

Jaehyun laughed. “Trust me, he is.”

“He’s got it bad, damn.” Chenle and Mark said at the same time.

Renjun hid a smile. Jaehyun with a crush was cute to witness.

“He really does, he chatted my ear off about him for three hours straight.” Sicheng said.

“Ask him out, coward!” Mark said.

“Yes!” Jisung, Chenle and Renjun added.

“I agree with the kids.” His mom said.

“Excuse me, I cannot form sentences in front of this man.” Jaehyun said.

“That’s just funny.” Renjun said. “You really have a crush.”

Jaehyun sighed. “Fine fine, but you will know what I mean when you meet him.”

“Bring him over next time!”

“So that you guys can thoroughly embarrass me?” Jaehyun said.

“Come on, I’ve met Yuta, he’d fit right in. Stop lying.” Sicheng said.

“His name is Yuta, damn.” Mark said.

Renjun just looked at him with fond exasperation. “How does that make any sense to you?”

They continued teasing Jaehyun for a while after that till all of them were satisfied with the blush that he was sporting.

And then Mark said he had to leave because he had practice early morning the next day.

“I’ll go see him out.” Renjun said.

His mom nodded. “Come again soon Mark! It was lovely having you.” She hugged him.

“It was amazing meeting you too Mrs. Kim.” He said, smile sincere.

The rest four also bid their goodbyes to Mark and they went out.

Renjun closed the door behind him, both of them were out on the porch.

“So, I’m sorry if that was a lot.” Renjun started.

“Dude, are you kidding? That was the best evening I’ve had in ages. Your family is so cool.” Mark gushed.

Renjun smiled. “I’m glad you think that. They loved you.”

“I loved them too. It was nice meeting Jaehyun too.”

“Yeah, about that, a little warning that you know him already would’ve been nice?” Renjun said.

Mark laughed. “Surprise?”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Menace.”

Mark ruffled his hair.

“Thank you for tonight, Mark.”

“What did I say about thanking me?”

Renjun looked sheepish. “That I don’t have to do it?”

Mark grinned. “Yup.”

Renjun looked at the ground, smiling. He felt really happy for some reason.

“I’ll see you at school on Monday?”

“Yup.”

“Goodnight, Jun.” Mark said.

“Goodnight, Mark, get home safe.”

Mark nodded. And left.

Renjun entered his house again. Chenle, Jisung, Sicheng and Jaehyun had been watching them through the window. They turned to him. “No kiss? Seriously? The guy was hoping for it.” Chenle said.

Renjun stared at them. “No, he wasn’t and you guys are creepy as heck, goodnight.”

He went up to his room, his ears hot with their ringing laughter in the background.

--

“Will I ever get used to people just staring at me like that?” Renjun wondered out aloud when he entered his lit class on Monday, settling down.

“I think you will, it’ll just take some time.” Renjun jumped at the voice from beside him, looking sideways to see Jaemin smiling at him.

Of course.

How had Renjun forgotten?

“Jaemin, hi.”

“Hello Renjun, nice weekend?”

“Yeah actually.”

Jaemin smiled. “Good to know. You and Mark are cute together, I saw your stories.”

Renjun blushed. “Thanks.”

“Mark’s a nice guy, but if he still does anything bad, tell me and I’ll punch him.” Jaemin nodded assertively.

Renjun laughed at that. “You’re Mark’s friend, shouldn’t you be on his side?”

“I told him I’d punch you too, don’t worry.” He grinned.

Renjun smiled. “You’re an idiot, Na.”

“Your favourite one, I’m hoping.” He winked. “Jeno asked me to cut down on the flirting, he would kill me if he heard me.” Jaemin looked mildly horrified.

Renjun hesitated, thinking whether he should bring it up with Jaemin or not and then finally concluding that, fuck it.

“Jaemin?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Jeno like, really disturbed by the letter fiasco?” Renjun asked, careful.

Jaemin looked at him in confusion for a while before realising.

“Ah, that! No no, he isn’t. Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that he keeps giving me weird looks like I kidnapped his pet or something and I want to apologise to him for the whole thing but I don’t think he wants me in his fifty- mile radius.” Renjun confessed.

Jaemin laughed. “That’s just how Jen is, I assure you Junnie, he’s fine and not weirded out or anything, he’s just kinda shy and awkward in general? And didn’t know how to talk to you. I didn’t know he was creeping you out though, I’m so sorry.”

“No, he isn’t creeping me out. I just thought he hated me or something.” Renjun said.

“Oh no Renjun, he doesn’t. How about I bring him to your table at lunch?”

Renjun was shaking his head before he even realised. “I don’t think he would like that very much.”

Jaemin just waved him off. “I won’t do it if he’s actually very uncomfortable. Are you okay with it though?”

Renjun paused.

Was he?

Jeno was the only guy who’d received the letter that Renjun had not talked to ever since, and it felt a little weird. And he did want to clear the air between them a bit because Jeno’s looks were getting a bit intimidating.

Being on the receiving end of his eye-smile was a lot better than this.

“Yeah okay, if he’d be cool with it.”

Jaemin smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you then.”

--

“What are you doing at my table?”

Donghyuck looked at Renjun from where he was chatting away with Yangyang.

“Oh, I befriended Yangyang today and thought I could sit with you guys!”

Renjun just looked at Yangyang in utmost betrayal.

Mark chuckled. “Sit down baby, there’s no way Hyuck will leave now anyway.”

Renjun sighed, knowing Mark was right as he sat down with his food.

At that point, Jaemin came to their table too dragging a very disgruntled Jeno behind him.

“I remember distinctly telling you that only bring Jeno if he wants to come.” Renjun deadpanned.

Jaemin grinned, sitting down. “I swear he wanted to come! His face is just stuck like that sometimes.”

Mark chuckled. “That’s not nice of you to say Jaem. Jeno is the cutest person alive.”

“Seriously dude, do you just know everyone?” Renjun turned to Mark, exasperated.

Mark shrugged, sheepish. “Jen’s on the soccer team.”

“Of course he is, he’s built like that.” Donghyuck chimed in.

Why did Renjun associate himself with any of them?

Jeno had since settled down and looked a little red in the face, but a lot less like an angry cat.

He looked at Renjun and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry for being weird. I just did not know how to act after I got the letter. I was going for nonchalant but in the end, it just looked like I was being an asshole.”

Renjun snorted out a laugh at that. “It’s okay, I’m sorry too, for making it uncomfortable for you.”

Jeno shook his head, and Renjun noticed how soft Jeno actually was. Almost like a puppy.

“It’s fine.”

Jaemin clapped his hands once. “Now it’s all fine.”

“See what happens when we communicate.” Donghyuck said.

Mark shot him a look. “Hyuck, do not even talk about communication right now. You run away at the first sight of an impending conversation.”

Donghyuck blinked. “I hate having childhood friends.” He grumbled.

Yangyang patted his back in consolation.

“Congratulations by the way.” Jeno said, smiling at Renjun. “Mark, you too.”

Mark smiled, pinching Jeno’s cheek and taking him in an affectionate chokehold a second later. “You cutie.”

Renjun couldn’t help but look at them fondly.

“Mark is playing favourites!” Jaemin gasped.

“Jeno’s always been my favourite.”

Donghyuck pouted. “Twelve years of friendship mean nothing to you, clearly.”

Mark laughed.

Jeno was still giving his crinkly eye smile.

Renjun looked at Yangyang, hoping that he successfully got the point across how cute Jeno was.

And the way Yangyang looked back at him, Renjun knew he was thinking the same thing.

“Man, I’m just so glad that people will finally stop talking about Mark with Jimin.” Jaemin said.

Renjun froze.

“I know right. Like, it was just getting ridiculous.” Jeno said.

“And besides, I think Renjun and Mark look cuter together.” Donghyuck said, eyeing Renjun.

He had obviously noticed that Renjun wasn’t too comfortable.E had obviously He;d He

“Yeah, don’t we?” Mark said, smiling at Renjun and kissing is temple.

Renjun felt the tell- tale blush appear on his cheeks, would he ever get used to this?

“I want a boyfriend too.” Donghyuck complained.

“Me too!” Jaemin added.

“There are almost twenty guys in this room right now who would drop everything to date you.” Mark deadpanned.

“No.” They both said at the same time.

Yangyang laughed. “Man, I feel so single too.”

“Maybe we should date!” Donghyuck said.

“I’m honoured Hyuck, but no.” Yangyang said.

Renjun burst out laughing at Donghyuck’s offended expression.

“I have class now, I should get going.” Mark said, looking right at Renjun with the soft expression that Renjun was starting to associate with himself.

He thought back to the others telling how Mark had looked like he wanted a kiss and Renjun knew it was a load of bullshit.

Mark knew they were just fake-dating, why would he want that?

But, maybe a little something didn’t hurt.

Mark gave him small little pecks all the time.

He nodded and just when Mark was going to get up, he called out to him.

Mark turned to him. “Yeah?”

Renjun took a breath and leaned in, leaving a soft kiss on Mark’s cheek, pulling away. “See you after school.”

He almost couldn’t meet Mark’s eyes with how much he was feeling bashful but he chanced a look at Mark’s face.

And saw the most brilliant smile with a hint of blush on his cheeks.

That was a look Renjun could get used to.

“Yeah, Jun. See you.”

He left after that.

“I cannot believe they are that cute.” Jaemin whispered.

“I know right, it makes me sick but also happy.” Donghyuck said.

Renjun just smiled and went back to his food.

--

“Renjun.” Renjun turned around when he was called out to, seeing Jeno walk up to him.

He’d been walking to school alone that day because Yangyang had to go to school early for some group project discussion.

He smiled as Jeno caught up to him. And they started walking together.

“So what? Not going to ignore me like the plague anymore?” Renjun teased.

Jeno scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, an adorable smile appearing on his face. “I am so sorry about that.”

Renjun laughed. “I already said it was fine, I don’t even know how I’d act if I got a letter like that.”

Jeno smiled. “It was unexpected for sure, back in seventh grade right?”

Renjun nodded. “When you were a new admission.”

“Really? I didn’t even talk back then.”

Renjun stared at him. “Jeno, you didn’t need to. Everyone had a crush on you back then because no one believed that you looked that good like who even looks good in seventh grade dude?”

Jeno laughed, bashfully. “I just always thought everyone crushed over Nana.”

Nana?

“Jaemin.” Jeno clarified.

Renjun chuckled. “You call him Nana?”

Jeno smiled. “Yeah.”

“Suits him.”

“Right?”

They walked in silence till the school then, but it wasn’t awkward, in fact, Renjun liked how comfortable things felt with Jeno already.

They parted ways when they reached school. “See you at lunch?” Renjun said, not knowing if they were going to be at his table again or not.

Jeno smiled. “Yup, see you at lunch.”

Renjun bid him bye and walked up to his locker. “Jeno is so hot, wow.” He heard Yangyang say from where he was leaning against Renjun’s locker.

Renjun laughed. “What? You got a crush or something?”

“I mean, guy is a walking Greek god, make it make sense.” Yangyang whined.

Renjun knew what he was talking about.

Jeno was an objectively attractive person, Renjun could see that much.

“Where’s your boyfriend today anyway?” Yangyang asked.

Renjun shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m not his keeper.”

“Looks that way to me~” Yangyang said.

Renjun swatted him. “If you don’t shut up.”

He stopped in the middle when he felt arms snake around his waist from the back.

He felt a smile appear on his face automatically.

“Hi.” Mark said against his ear making him shiver slightly.

“Good morning.” Renjun replied.

“Mm.” Mark mumbled before resting his head on his shoulder and snuggling in a bit in his neck.

Renjun was sure that his body was overheating.

“I think that’s my cue to leave.” Yangyang said. Leaving after waving them both a goodbye.

“Feeling particularly affectionate today?” Renjun teased.

Mark chuckled. “I’m always affectionate.”

And that was true.

They broke away from each other.

“You didn’t walk to school with Yangyang today?” Mark asked.

“No, he came early. I found Jeno on my way here though.”

Mark smiled. “Getting along okay now?”

Renjun laughed. “Yeah. What’s your schedule look like today?”

Mark sighed as if just thinking about it made him tired.

“Soccer tournament’s coming up. I have practice like, all day for a week.”

Renjun pouted. “So, you won’t be there at lunch?”

And um.

What the fuck Renjun?

Mark wasn’t your actual boyfriend you dumbfuck.

But Mark just ruffled his hair. “I will be cutie, just not for long.”

“Okay.” Renjun replied, placated for now.

Mark was looking at him with a fond smile. “You’re so fucking cute Renjun.”

Renjun blinked at him. And the hit his arm, cheeks blazing. “Go to practice Mark.”

Mark chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

--

Entering the cafeteria at lunch break had Renjun pausing in his steps.

He could see that along with Mark, Yangyang, Donghyuck, Jaemin and Jeno sitting on their table, there were also others.

Others namely Jimin, Minjeong, Giselle, Ningning, Chenle and Jisung.

Mark and Jimin were laughing at something together and Renjun had the sudden urge to turn away and never come back.

But Chenle spotted him right then. “Oh! Renjun’s here.”

Renjun didn’t feel anything other than like a deer caught in headlights when all of their heads turned to look at him.

Mark immediately smiled and beckoned him over and Renjun had no choice but to go.

He sat down on the chair between Mark and Jeno.

“Oh my god, you’re so cute!” Ningning gushed. “Chenle, how come you never told me your brother was this cute?”

Chenle made a disgusted face.

Jimin spoke up too. “I always keep telling Mark that there’s no way someone as beautiful as you is his boyfriend.”

Renjun smiled at her. Tried to, at least.

How could he have any negativity against her when she was nothing but nice to him?

“Our Renjunnie is adorable!” Jaemin said.

Renjun felt mildly embarrassed at all the attention. “Guys, please.”

Mark came close to him, kissing his cheek.

That was not helping at all.

“How come the party’s this big today?” Renjun asked, curious and then he looked at Chenle. “Why are you here?”

“I can be anywhere I want.”

“Jisung, I’m guessing he just dragged you along?” Renjun asked.

Jisung nodded. “Yup. None of this was my idea, for the record.”

“Yes, my Jisungie is the cutest.” Jaemin said.

Jisung blushed. “Go away Jaem.”

Renjun knew those two were family friends, their moms being best friends and everything.

Jaemin cooed over him for one second before going right back to flirting shamelessly with Minjeong.

Mark was engaged in conversation with Jimin while Ningning gossiped with Chenle and Jisung, those three instantly bonding.

Giselle, Yangyang and Donghyuck seemed to have gotten along really well too.

And Renjun couldn’t help but feel a little out of place, the weight of Mark’s hand on his shoulder just felt heavy.

“I don’t understand why they can’t just toast the bread of this sandwich.” Renjun looked to his side to see Jeno make a face at the sandwich.

That got a surprised laugh out of Renjun, because of how genuinely done Jeno looked with the poor sandwich.

Jeno just looked at Renjun, and pouted. “Don’t laugh.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just a sandwich Jeno.” Renjun said, smiling. “You want to share my noodles instead?”

Jeno nodded, eyes shining.

How was this guy this much like a puppy, seriously.

They shared the noodles between them, talking in the middle. The conversation light and easily flowing.

“I have to go to the library real quick before my practice so I’ll leave now.” Jeno said, when they were done.

Renjun nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

Only after Jeno was gone did Renjun tune in back to the others.

Mark was still talking to Jimin. Man, wasn’t Mark at least supposed to look like he was interested in Renjun?

He felt uneasy.

“Oh, I completely forgot! I need to get going to practice now.” Mark exclaimed.

Of course.

“I’ll come with too, I have to go that way too, to talk to the new cheerleaders.” Jimin chimed in.

Renjun didn’t even know where the annoyance was coming from.

Jimin and Mark were friends, it was okay.

“Renjun babe, I’m so sorry, but come watch me at practice some time?” He looked hopeful with those big eyes of his.

Renjun sighed but nodded. “Yeah, I’ll come.”

Mark smiled at him, kissing his forehead.

Renjun tried to pretend the way Jimin’s hand found it’s way around Mark as they walked off didn’t bother him.

“You’re making an ugly face.” Chenle said.

And failing.

“I’m not.” Renjun retorted.

“It’s okay to be jealous.” Chenle said again.

When had he even teleported the chair beside Renjun’s?

“Chenle, shut up and go bother the people in your batch.”

“But they’re all boring now, and I need to be here constantly now that you’re dating.” Chenle said.

Renjun made a confused noise. “Why?”

“What if I miss something important?” Chenle said. “Like you being jealous.”

Renjun smacked him. “Shut up, got to class.”

Chenle smiled. “Yes gege!” He said, using the honorific that he never used. Renjun smiled.

Chenle got up. “And Jun?”

Renjun looked up at him.

“Don’t fret okay?”

Renjun felt a wave of fondness wash over him. His little brother was telling him not to fret.

He snorted. “I won’t brat.”

Chenle grinned. “Okay bye!”

--

Mark

You didn’t come to practice ☹

I even waited after school but you were already gone

God, Renjun felt like an idiot.

He really didn’t know why he hadn’t gone to the practice but he hadn’t thought Mark would even notice it with Jimin there.

But he felt guilty now.

I’m sorry!

I’ll come tomorrow I promise!

Mark

You better!

My team’s starting to think that I made my pretty and amazing boyfriend up

I mean

You kinda did Mark

Renjun bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.

He stared at his phone waiting for Mark to message him when his phone lit up with a call.

Renjun laughed as he picked up.

“Hello?” Renjun said.

“Seriously Jun?” Mark sounded like he was smiling but was exasperated.

Renjun chuckled. “I didn’t lie.”

“Okay, whatever. Will you come watch me tomorrow?”

“I already said that I will, you big baby.” Renjun said.

“It’s like I didn’t see you at all today and it was weird.” Renjun could hear the slight whine in his voice.

“Well, I didn’t have your attention at lunch.” Renjun teased, laughing when he heard Mark gasp.

“Oh shit! Jimin was talking about the tournament dates and stuff because she’s on the cheerleading squad and stuff, I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Mark, it’s okay.” Renjun assured him because it really was okay.

“I just saw you talking to Jeno so I didn’t bother you.”

Oh.

Yeah well.

Mark must have seen him talk to Jeno and thought he was fine.

Renjun just didn’t think Mark had even turned to look what Renjun had been up to.

“Anyway Mark, it’s getting kind of late, and you have practice all day tomorrow so sleep early please,”

”Yes, mom.” Mark chuckled.

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Goodnight, Mark.”

“Night!”

Renjun fell on his bed, cuddling up to his pillows.

He sighed and closed his eyes.

He hoped tomorrow would be good.

--

“Oh wow, there’s so many biceps.” Was the first thing Yangyang said when they entered the field.

“Can you not be this gay for like a second?” Renjun said.

“Sorry hon, I cannot control the levels of my gay-ness.”

Renjun just huffed a laugh as they sat down on the bleachers. The boys on the field were in the middle of what looked like a very intense practice match.

“Mark’s a forward?!” Renjun realised with a start.

Yangyang looked at him like he’d grown two heads.

“What?”

Renjun felt defensive.

“Mark’s our star player Renjun, he literally scored the most number of goals last season. How do you just not know this?”

Renjun shrugged. “I mean I knew he was good?”

Yangyang just snorted. “You’re so weird Renjun.”

They focused back on the game.

And Renjun knew as much about soccer as he knew about thermodynamics, which was nothing at all.

But he could tell that Mark was good, and so were the rest of the players.

Renjun also thought Mark looked really attractive all serious like that but he wouldn’t say it out loud.

He’d also never seen Mark sleeveless before and he certainly looked …. hot to say the least.

What the fuck even?

Renjun shook his head to clear his head.

Mark did meet his eye somewhere in the middle and smiled really wide at him.

“Is the game ending?” Renjun asked Yangyang.

“Yeah, there’s like, five minutes left till full-time.”

Renjun nodded, focusing back on the game and his eyes fell on Jeno and whoa, now that he wasn’t in his regular baggy clothes, his body looked even more crazy and Renjun gaped for a moment, marvelling at just how many hours of gym time that took.

His sight of vision was suddenly blocked by someone and as Renjun looked up, he met Mark’s amused eyes.

“Eyes on me baby.” Mark said, tone amused.

Renjun blushed, embarrassed. “My eyes were on you.”

“Lies!” Yangyang said and left, cackling.

That traitor.

Mark sat down beside Renjun, taking a huge chug of water, pouring the rest on his head, shaking the water off.

Renjun stared at him, transfixed.

Mark was …

Renjun took a deep breath.

Never mind.

Mark looked back at him. “How was the game?”

“You were good.” Renjun said, truthfully.

Mark smiled at him, a small little thing. “Thanks Jun.”

“Who were you staring at though?” Mark asked.

And Renjun thought if he was imagining the fact that Mark’s voice sounded a little off.

“Just Jeno.” Renjun said, not knowing what this situation even was.

Mark nodded and then just chuckled slightly, looking down at the ground. “Dang, I’m actually hurt wow.”

Renjun’s eyes widened.

Had he offended Mark?

But why would Mark be offended? They were fake dating, right?

Wasn’t Renjun allowed to check other guys out?

What?

Renjun stared with mild shock at how Mark did actually look a bit sad, the smile on his lips curling downwards a bit.

“Mark-”

“I’m being ridiculous, aren’t i?” Mark laughed. And then he stood up. “I’ll go change quickly and then we can walk back home?”

Renjun could only nod as he watched Mark’s retreating back.

And his thoughts spiralled again.

Was Mark upset at the thought that what if other people saw Renjun staring at Jeno and then their cover would’ve been blown?

Yeah, that had to be it.

What else could it even be?

He thought about it for a while and he just wanted to make sure Mark was happy again, he didn’t like the other boy being sad. Especially because of Renjun.

He looked up to see Mark jogging up to him.

Mark reached him and smiled. “Let’s go?”

“Yeah.” And before Renjun could talk himself out of it, he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Mark as the other boy looked at their hands in surprise.

He looked up at Renjun then. Renjun smiled. “You looked really cool out there Captain, I’m a proud boyfriend.” He said, hoping that the sincerity got across.

He couldn’t use the word ‘fake’ yet, they were still around people.

Mark’s face slowly broke into a smile as he pulled Renjun into a hug, chuckling. “Damn, can’t even be sad for a little while.”

“Nope.” Renjun said, smiling into Mark’s shoulder.

And something about that moment felt very real to Renjun.

--

Renjun was just getting out of his house to grab some groceries for his mom when he paused, seeing Jaemin exiting from Jisung’s house.

Jaemin was very obviously cooing over the younger boy, as Jisung tried to bat his hands away, embarrassed.

In the end, Jaemin just looked fond of Jisung before saying something to him and ruffling his hair before leaving.

Renjun was low-key glad that Jaemin hadn’t seen him, he could really do without a high energy Jaemin conversation right now.

Renjun walked up to Jisung who was standing on the porch still.

Jisung got surprised when his eyes fell on Renjun. “Oh Renjun!”

“Hi Ji.” Renjun smiled. “Jaemin was over?”

“Yeah” Jisung said, smiling a little.

“You guys are really close, aren’t you?” Renjun asked.

Jisung’s cheeks turned a little red as he looked anywhere but at Renjun. “Yeah, I guess.”

Renjun narrowed his eyes. “Jisung? You’re red.”

“N-no!”

Renjun stopped himself from laughing. “Sung, you are literally a beetroot right now.”

“Renjun, no.” Jisung looked almost pleading.

Jisung and his inability to hide anything he was feeling was just adorable.

“Do you like Jaemin?” Renjun asked.

Jisung whined as if just distressed about the whole prospect.

Renjun chuckled. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

Jisung sighed. “I do.”

Renjun raised an eyebrow. “Huh.”

“It’s weird I know! He sees me as his baby brother and I’m a fool.” Jisung said, waving his hands theatrically.

Renjun reached out and patted his shoulder. “You’re not a fool Sung. Growing up with Jaemin, I can see why you would like him.”

And Renjun could.

He found Na Jaemin very annoying and probably would want to kill him at all times but that didn’t change that he was very likeable.

“See! You get it! No one else gets it.” Jisung said.

Renjun chuckled, amused. “Who didn’t get it?”

Jisung stuttered. “I mean, I haven’t told anyone yet but, in my head, no one got it.”

Renjun laughed, that was such a Jisung thing to do.

“You haven’t told anyone? Not even Chenle?”

Jisung made a face. “I love him with all my heart but Chenle is the last person I would tell.”

“Fair.”

“You’re okay, right?” Renjun asked.

Jisung looked at him with slightly widened eyes but then he smiled.

And it looked almost sad at the edges.

“I’m fine Renjun.”

And Renjun hoped it was true.

For no one with a heart as pure as Jisung deserved to feel sad for even a second. And how Renjun wished he could make sure that he didn’t have to.

--

The game was on Friday.

Renjun watched as the people around him whooped and hollered ad their team scored two goals in quick succession.

He didn’t get soccer but he felt high with the energy in that field.

And also, the way Mark had been shining since the beginning of the game had Renjun smiling.

“You look so happy.” Donghyuck spoke from beside him. “It’s distracting.”

Renjun laughed. “Me being happy is distracting?”

“Yes.” Donghyuck said and didn’t elaborate on it. “I think we’re going to win.”

“I think so too.” Renjun said, looking at the scoreboard that indicated that they were currently in the lead with 2-1 and there were only three minutes left.

“The way you’re drowning in Mark’s jersey is so cute, honestly.” Jaemin snickered from his other side.

Renjun blushed. Mark had given him his spare jersey before the game, telling him that if he wanted, he could wear it and that he didn’t have to if he felt uncomfortable.

Renjun had wore it anyway, because might as well go the extra mile right?

“I’m not drowning in it.” Renjun whined.

“You kind of are.” Chenle said, nodding while eating popcorn.

“It’s cute.” Yangyang added, from where he was standing right beside Jaemin, his eyes not leaving Jeno. Renjun made a mental note of asking Yangyang about that later.

The final whistle blew, marking the end of the game. Everyone cheered, they’d won.

Renjun grinned, his face splitting with the force of it as he saw the team members all tackle Mark to the ground, hugging him.

“I think this would be a good time for you to go to your boyfriend.” Donghyuck whispered to Renjun when he saw everyone’s running over to them to congratulate the team, Jaemin was already gone to congratulate Mark, Jisung and Chenle were with Sungchan.

“Just like that?” Renjun said.

“Yes idiot, now go.” Donghyuck chuckled, pushing Renjun a bit to the front.

Renjun got down from the bleachers, walking over to Mark a bit hesitantly, he was still surrounded by his friends and team members.

Renjun didn’t want to interrupt.

But Mark’s eyes fell on Renjun’s approaching figure and he smiled, so wide that almost all of his teeth were visible.

Renjun couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his own face too, at that.

And suddenly, the distance between them was too much and he was jogging up to Mark, almost crashing into him and hugging him tight as both of them dissolved into giggles.

“You were so amazing!” Renjun said, because Mark really had been so cool.

Mark laughed, picking Renjun up and twirling him around that had Renjun shrieking and then laughing.

“You look so cute in my jersey baby.” Mark said when he’d stopped, speaking against the crown of Renjun’s head.

Renjun squeezed Mark one more time. “The guys said I was drowning in it, apparently.”

Mark chuckled. “You are, and it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Renjun swatted his chest. “You are flirty after a game.”

Mark broke away and kissed Renjun’s cheek. “You’re the irresistible one here.”

Renjun just rolled his eyes, laughing. “Go change, you reek of sweat.”

They were interrupted by a clearing of throat.

Renjun realised then that his team members were still there, all with varying degrees of grins on their faces.

Renjun felt his cheeks heat up.

Making everyone believe it was the idea since the beginning, but something about all their attention being on them was embarrassing.

Mark just rolled his eyes.

“Guys, this Renjun.”

The members cheered. Renjun knew Sungchan, Shotaro and Jeno.

But he saw two other guys come forward with identical smiles on their faces.

“Hi! I’m Yukhei, it’s so nice to finally see you.”

“I’m Guanheng, and same! We started bullying Mark into letting us meet you.”

Renjun liked how these two were just like eager puppies. Renjun couldn’t help but smile. “Congratulations on the win.”

They chorused a ‘thank you’.

Mark side hugged Renjun then. “We have a celebratory party at Yukhei’s house, you want to join?”

Mark’s eyes were pleading as if he wanted Renjun to join.

Renjun smiled. “Sure, why not?”

--

Renjun didn’t go to a lot of parties.

And hearing the bass and the loud screams and drunk teenagers everywhere, he realised why he didn’t in the first place.

The only grounding factor was the way Mark’s hand was slung casually on Renjun’s waist.

Mark had changed after the game into a black t-shirt with jeans and a leather jacket. Renjun was finding it very hard to focus on anything other than him.

“I look like an idiot.” Renjun whined again, he was still wearing the jersey and jeans.

Mark laughed. “You look amazing Jun.”

Renjun pouted but let Mark steer them both to an area where there were less people and the music wasn’t as loud either.

“You want a beer?”

Mark offered to Renjun. Renjun blinked.

“I mean, okay?”

Mark chuckled. “Babe, do you want to?”

Renjun ducked his head. “Yeah, I would like a beer.”

Mark ruffled his hair. “Wait here.”

He came back a while later with two chilled beers in his hand and he passed one to Renjun.

They clinked their bottles together and Renjun shuddered at the way Mark looked right in his eyes and he took his first sip.

Something in the air felt charged.

But Renjun could just be hallucinating.

“Are parties not your scene?” Mark asked.

Renjun shrugged. “Not really, but I don’t mind going to one occasionally, mostly because Yangyang drags me.”

“We could’ve gone somewhere else then.” Mark pouted.

Renjun chuckled. “I wasn’t going to take the star player away from the celebratory party Mark.”

“You could though.”

Renjun looked away, taking a sip of his beer.

He spotted Donghyuck, Yangyang, Jaemin, Minjeong and Giselle playing beer pong while Jeno just stood to the side and watched them.

“Where’s Chenle and Jisung?” Renjun asked.

“They’ll be here somewhere, don’t worry.” Mark said.

Renjun nodded and focused on looking around as a few people came and started chatting to Mark.

And before he knew it, he was on his second bottle of beer already.

Mark sidled up to him, “Hey.”

Renjun shivered at the Mark’s breath falling on his ear.

“The others want us to join them on the couch, you up for it?”

Renjun nodded.

Mark took him there by hand. A few other team members were sitting on the couches and there was place for only one person left.

Renjun rolled his eyes.

Not this shit.

Mark sat down and looked at Renjun questioningly, Renjun knew he could back out and just go but he thought fuck it and sat on Mark’s lap.

Mark was warm and comfortable, his hands around Renjun’s waist felt good and Renjun felt slightly tipsy so he leaned into him, playing with his fingers.

“Dude! The game was insane tonight, coach said if this goes on, we might make the finals.” Guanheng said.

“Of course we will, we’ve got Mark.” Yukhei grinned.

Mark laughed, the sound vibrating against Renjun’s back.

“That’s too much pressure.”

“Oh please cap, you scored one goal today and assisted the second one.” Shotaro said.

“Yeah, cool game dude.” Guanheng agreed.

“I think you deserve a kiss and I would do it but you have an amazing boyfriend so, Renjun, don’t you think he deserves it?” Yukhei said.

Renjun looked up.

Kiss?

He stared.

Mark laughed, a bit nervously. “Guys, I don’t thin-”

“Sure.” Renjun would regret it later, that was a problem for future Renjun, but current Renjun thought Mark was warm and good looking and his lips looked kissable.

Mark gaped at him.

Haha, got him!

The others cheered.

Renjun rolled his eyes, the fixation of high school kids with each other was honestly just disturbing.

“You don’t have to do it in front of everyone if you’re uncomfortable.” Mark said, eyes searching Renjun’s.

‘You don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable because we’re not dating for real’ was what Mark had meant.

But Renjun just shrugged, pulling Mark slightly by the lapels of his jacket. “Nah, you deserve it.” He whispered.

He saw Mark’s eyes darken in a flash before lips descended on his. And Renjun’s eyes closed on their own accord, his hands taking residence on Mark’s shoulder.

Mark’s hand was on his waist, the other one cupping his face as he kissed him. And Renjun felt warm.

Too warm.

He was certain that he was overheating.

But it felt so good to have Mark’s soft lips moving against his and Renjun let out a pleased sigh, feeling Mark’s hand tighten around his waist for a second.

Renjun smiled, putting his hands on Mark’s chest and pushing him away slightly, chuckling when Mark followed after Renjun’s lips.

“Damn guys, we didn’t need a whole make out session.” Guanheng snickered.

Renjun just smiled. “Careful what you wish for I guess?”

He looked back at Mark to see him still staring at Renjun, and Renjun knew it was the alcohol making him that brave but he reached forward and pecked his lips again.

Mark’s hold on him tightened, his eyes becoming dark as he abruptly stood up, pulling Renjun along with him. Renjun hid a smile, Mark’s reaction satisfying some deep part of him.

“Guys, we’ll be back.” Mark announced, not even looking back at the others cackling as he pulled Renjun and took them to a secluded corner.

Renjun was backed up against the wall with Mark standing in front of him as he still tried to hide a smug smile.

“What happened Mark?” Renjun asked, smile still in its place.

Mark was staring at his lips, lips parted as if in a daze as he closed the distance further between the two of them.

“You’re the devil.” Mark whispered, tracing Renjun’s bottom lip with his thumb. “Did you know that?”

Renjun met his eyes. “But what did I do?” he asked, the perfect face of innocence.

Mark’s eyes snapped up to his, making a shiver run down Renjun’s spine. He’d never seen Mark’s eyes look that intimidating.

“Can I kiss you again?” Mark asked, voice the lowest Renjun had ever heard.

“Yes.” Renjun said, and then because riling Mark up was fun, he added, “Please.”

The crashing of their lips was softer than Renjun expected it to be considering the tension that had been brewing between them.

Mark’s hands were on Renjun’s sides, holding him in place as Renjun put his hands in Mark’s hair, their lips moving languidly against each other. And Renjun realised with a start, Mark was a good kisser.

He was just the right amount of gentle and coaxing, yet dominating. Renjun felt like he didn’t have to do a lot and it still felt amazing. Mark nipped on his bottom lip and Renjun let out a gasp, tugging on Mark’s hair which made him groan lightly.

Making out with Mark while being drunk was an experience for sure, Renjun felt like he could feel every touch of Mark’s hands leave fire in their wake on his body and he couldn’t get enough. He pulled Mark closer as if that was even possible and Mark broke away for a second, kissing a line of kisses on Renjun’s jaw before kissing down his neck.

“Fuck.” Renjun said, quietly. His neck had always been sensitive and Mark was not leaving a single patch of skin un-kissed. Renjun couldn’t help the gasps that left his mouth when Mark latched on to a sensitive part of his neck and sucked. “Mark.” Renjun whined.

Mark looked up at Renjun’s eyes. His pupils were blown and Renjun just knew he was going to have dreams about this. “God, why do you sound like that.” Mark said, sounding a bit frustrated before kissing Renjun’s collarbones.

Renjun was losing his mind as he pulled Mark up and kissed him again and Mark’s fingers went a little under Renjun’s jersey, running over the skin of Renjun’s waist.

And all Renjun could think of was how he wanted Mark’s lips all over him. They broke away for air and Renjun rested his head back on the wall, eyes still closed as Mark’s hands went a little more under his shirt, fully holding Renjun’s waist now and Renjun moaned at the feeling. Mark’s hands were slightly cold against Renjun’s overheated skin. Mark kissed all over Renjun’s jaw to under his ear before pulling his jersey down a little and kissing his shoulder.

“Mark-” Renjun gasped out.

“Tell me if you want to stop.” Mark said, his voice hoarse and just about the sexiest thing Renjun had ever heard.

“The exact fucking opposite actually.” Renjun managed to say and he felt Mark’s smile against his skin and he kissed Renjun on the lips again.

They were interrupted by a throat clearing and both their heads snapped to the side, Renjun pushing Mark away lightly as they looked at the very awkward boy standing there.

“I’m so sorry but I needed Mark to come with me.” The boy said, sheepish and Renjun would feel bad for him if he wasn’t so turned on.

“What’s up?” Mark asked, sounding more composed than Renjun could fathom.

“Jimin’s drunk and we tried to take her home but she wants you to be there.”

Renjun felt every feeling in his body just turn cold.

Mark looked concerned immediately. “Did she throw up?”

The boy shook his head. “No, but we think she should go home and sleep now or else she’s just going to end up drinking more and getting sick.”

Mark nodded. “Yeah okay.”

He turned to Renjun.

And Renjun almost didn’t want to hear anything that Mark had to say in that moment.

He knew he was being dramatic and a little inhuman because obviously Mark should take care of Jimin when she’s drunk but Renjun just felt bitter.

“Jun, I need to go, I’m so so-” And Mark did look apologetic.

“It’s okay, you should go.” Renjun said, plastering a smile on his face.

Mark cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll text you later okay? Get home safe baby.”

And then he was left, and Renjun just sagged against the wall.

--

Renjun tried finding Yangyang but he guessed that he was somewhere with his other club friends knowing that Renjun would be with Mark.

So, he’d given up finding anyone and gone out of the house, trying to get some fresh air as he sat on  the stairs leading up to the house.

The sky was pretty that day, the stars more visible but Renjun couldn’t even feel happy at the fact.

He sighed again, wanting to punch something because god, he didn’t like feeling that way.

“Feeling okay?” he jumped when he heard a voice from above him, he looked up to see Jeno standing there, smiling.

Renjun smiled back. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Jeno gestured to the space on the stair beside Renjun. “Mind if I sit?”

Renjun shrugged. “It’s a free country Jeno.” He teased.

Jeno chuckled as he sat down.

“You look sad.”

Renjun was taken aback by the straight forwardness as he looked at Jeno in surprise.

“Too forward? Should I beat around the bush a little first?” Jeno asked, sheepish but amused.

Renjun laughed. Jeno’s honesty and straight forwardness feeling like a breath of fresh air in the middle of this game he’d been playing these last few weeks.

“I’m not sad,” Renjun started. He wasn’t. “A little frustrated I guess.”

Jeno hummed. “Is it Mark?”

Renjun nodded.

“Do I need to beat him up?” Jeno asked, smiling.

Renjun chuckled. “Not yet.”

Both of them laughed at that.

They sat in silence for a while, both of them mindlessly staring at the sky before Renjun decided that Jeno was a good person to talk to.

He’d been carrying around this lie all alone for too long anyway.

“Mark and I are fake dating.” Renjun said, he didn’t look at Jeno but he could feel his eyes on the side of his face.

“Weird, isn’t it? It’s a long story.” Renjun said. “Let’s just say we both had our reasons.”

Jeno hummed in response, to show that he was listening.

“It was all fine and fun and then Jimin happened.” Renjun laughed a little self depreciatingly, he still didn’t like the way he felt towards the girl, hating that he couldn’t control his feelings.

“Jimin?” Jeno asked.

“Yeah, Mark and her have something special and that shouldn’t bother me in the least but well, surprise surprise, it does.”

He chanced a look at Jeno and found his face void of any emotion and Renjun was thankful for that, he didn’t want pity or anger or anything.

Renjun inhaled and continued. “We kissed tonight, it got heated.” He looked down. “And then he left because he needed to take care of Jimin.”

“And I get it! I really do, I’d go take care of my friend too if they were blackout drunk but I just,” Renjun looked at Jeno. “Didn’t like being left like that, you know?”

Jeno nodded.

“It makes even less sense if you think about how I shouldn’t care in the first place because he’s my fake boyfriend for fuck’s sake, he doesn’t owe me shit.” Renjun said, his frustration rising. “I don’t know man, fuck, I don’t know.”

He stopped, taking deep breaths, willing himself to calm down. “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“Hey, come on now, you can feel whatever way you want.” Jeno said, voice kind. “It doesn’t necessarily have to make sense.”

Renjun looked at Jeno.

Jeno continued. “I’m sorry you feel this confused about things Renjun, but maybe you should talk to Mark about it. It’s okay to feel frustrated or angry, just because you’re fake dating doesn’t mean you can turn your emotions off, it’s okay.” Jeno smiled at him, patting Renjun’s knee lightly.

And Renjun hadn’t needed validation for his feelings, but Jeno’s words soothed him a little. But he was right, he did need to talk to Mark.

“Thanks Jen, you didn’t have to hear all of it.” Renjun said.

Jeno just bumped their shoulders together, eyes crinkling. “What are friends for?”

Renjun laughed.

“Now, do you want to get ice cream?”

--

Renjun couldn’t say that his frustration or confusion was any less now, but the scoop of Belgian Chocolate certainly helped.

“Where are the others?” He asked Jeno, who was walking beside him.

Jeno had offered to walk Renjun home after getting him ice cream.

Jeno shrugged. “I think Nana is making out with Minjeong.”

Renjun snorted. “You sound like you’re telling me the weather forecast.” But his brain went to Jisung immediately, hoping that the other boy was okay.

“It happens too many times for me to still have any feelings about it,” Jeno said, smiling. “We go to a party and Jaemin disappears within the first hour.”

Renjun scoffed.

“I think Donghyuck was with Yangyang.” Jeno added. “And Chenle was maki-”

“Don’t finish that sentence Jeno.” Renjun interrupted. He really didn’t need to know.

Jeno laughed. “Okay.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t find someone to stay back with.” Renjun said.

So, he was curious, fuck him. God knows Jeno would not have trouble finding people to make out with when he looked like that. And also, when he was this nice to be around too.

Jeno looked at Renjun with mild amusement. “Then who’d buy you ice cream?” He tilted his head slightly.

Renjun blushed and looked away. “Shut up.” He grumbled.

Jeno chuckled. “But no, I don’t normally find people at parties. It isn’t my scene.”

“Ooh, you’re a romantic?” Renjun said, gleeful.

Jeno laughed. “Something like that? Drunk, instinctive hook-ups aren’t my thing really.”

“Now that just sounds like a call out to me.” Renjun pouted.

Jeno huffed out a laugh. “It isn’t. And besides, Mark and you aren’t really strangers.”

True.

But whatever.

They walked in silence for a while, Renjun finished up his ice cream.

“Are you feeling any better?” Jeno asked, when they were just a few minutes away from Renjun’s house.

Renjun did feel a little better, all things considered. He looked at Jeno and smiled. “I do. Thanks for tonight Jeno.”

Jeno smiled back. Yeah, definitely better to be on the receiving end of the eye-smile. “Anytime Renjun, literally.”

Renjun smiled and looked ahead again. Jeno really had been a major help, Renjun doesn’t think he’d feel okay if he hadn’t talked about his frustrations with someone.

He paused when he saw a figure walking ahead of them, all too familiar. They were right in front of Jisung’s house.

“Jisung?” Renjun called out.

Jisung turned around, his eyes a little wide but he seemed to relax when he saw Renjun.

“Hi Renjun, Jeno.” He said, smiling.

But he looked tired, not physically. Just tired in a way that screamed that he knew what Jaemin was up to at the party right about now.

Renjun rushed to him. “You okay?”

He knew he had to be careful with his words because Jeno was literally Jaemin’s best friend.

Jisung nodded, though it wasn’t very convincing.

Jeno seemed to have judged the mood of the atmosphere, bless his heart, because he said, “I think I’ll leave now, it’s getting really late.”

Renjun turned to him. “Thank you so much for tonight Jeno, really.”

Jeno just smiled and waved him off. “Take care Renjun,” And then he added, “You too Sung.”

Jisung nodded, smiling and even through his sadness, his smile looked genuine. Maybe that was the effect Jeno had on people.

Renjun smiled to himself at the thought. Some people really were comfort in human form.

Jeno waved them goodbye and he left.

Renjun turned to Jisung immediately. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jisung just chuckled, sad. “I think I’m going to give up.” They were in Jisung’s garden now.

“It’s not like I ever thought I had a chance but,” Jisung breathed in. “These feelings are getting painful now.”

Renjun’s heart ached for the younger. He hated that Jisung was stuck in this situation. “Ji-”

“I saw him kiss her, right in front of my eyes.” Jisung continued. “But maybe I needed to see that to finally move on.” Jisung sighed.

Renjun reached out and brought Jisung to his arms, hugging his torso.

Jisung hugged him back. “I’m fine Renjun, don’t worry.” He was smiling when they broke away.

“Stop acting like you’re fine.” Renjun grumbled.

“I will be.” Jisung said. “This was doomed from the start, I’ll be fine.”

Renjun wanted Jisung’s pain to be over but he couldn’t do anything right now so he just patted Jisung’s shoulder. “Please talk to me if you ever need to.”

“Yes, I will.” Jisung said. “Also, because I have no choice, you being the only one who’s in on the secret and all that.” He said, cheekily.

Renjun snorted. “You brat, go and sleep.”

“Aye aye!” Jisung waved at him and turned around to go to his house.

Renjun watched his retreating back and wondered when the boy who cried at a little scratch had grown up so much, to be able to hide his bleeding heart so well.

--

Renjun tossed and turned in his bed. Feeling pathetic as he kept glancing at his phone.

It had been two and a half hours since Mark had left with Jimin and he’d told Renjun that he’d text and he still hadn’t.

Did it take this long to tuck someone to bed?

Renjun felt a weird bitterness curl up in him at the thought of them being in her room alone, both drunk.

He shook his head to get the thought out of his head

It wasn’t like Mark would do anything to jeopardise their situation like that.

Right?

He groaned and hid his face in the pillow, he had a creeping suspicion that the way he felt about Mark doing anything at all with Jimin was much less about their fake dating situation and a lot more about it being something entirely too personal.

He almost fell out of the bed, startled when his phone rang.

He cursed his ringtone before picking up.

“Jun?” Renjun wanted to hit his head at how his heart raced at Mark’s voice.

They hadn’t gotten the chance to talk after their… yeah.

“Hi.” Renjun said.

Mark sheepishly chuckled. “Sorry, I know I’m late in calling you.”

“It’s okay. Is Jimin okay?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, she is, now. God, she drank so much.” Mark laughed, and something in Renjun constricted at how he sounded fond.

“Good that she’s okay now.”

“Yeah, did you get home safe?”

“Yes, Jeno dropped me home.”

Mark made a sound. “Oh, okay. That’s nice of him.”

Renjun thought he sounded a bit odd but whatever.

“Did you get home safe?” Renjun asked.

He knew that they skirting around the topic, the pauses a bit too stilted and awkward but something told him that this wasn’t a good time to talk about whatever had conspired between them.

Mark was quiet for a long moment. “Actually, about that….”

Renjun didn’t have a good feeling about this.

At all.

“I put Jimin to bed and thought I’d leave right after but she just latched onto my hand? And she wouldn’t let me go.” Mark admitted. “So, I stayed.”

Renjun felt the tell-tale signs of something like rage boil in the pit of his stomach.

He tried to regulate his breathing.

“She went to sleep just now, which is why I could call.”

“Oh.” Renjun said, going for nonchalant. “You’re a good friend.”

He couldn’t help the snark in his tone.

“Haha, not really.” But Mark didn’t catch onto it.

Renjun didn’t know if he was thankful for that or not.

Renjun was going to tell Mark that he was going to sleep, that he’d see him tomorrow because Renjun needed to not listen to Mark’s voice right now with how he’d started feeling.

But before he could utter a word. He heard shuffling on the other end and a drawn-out whine.

”Mark..”, The ‘a’ was drawn out. “Cuddle.” It was Jimin’s voice, sleepy and all too close to the phone so she must be very close to Mark. Mark chuckled.

Renjun saw red.

And he didn’t even wait to listen to Mark say anything before he cut the call, turning his phone off.

He’d spent his entire night trying to rationalise his thoughts and reason with himself but not anymore.

Fuck Mark Lee.

He threw the phone on the bedside table, burying himself in the cover and resolutely trying to sleep before he could let any of the tears threatening to fall actually spill.

--

Renjun didn’t look forward to going school that day at all, the thought of seeing Mark and acting lovey-dovey with him in front of the entire school mildly sickening.

He’d gone through the day pretty unscathed, Jaemin had told him that Mark was busy with his coach all day, planning out strategies and what not and that he’d said he’d meet Renjun after classes were over.

When the last bell of the day rang, Renjun made a beeline for the hallway, trying to see if he could escape without seeing Mark.

He knew that seeing Mark would fuel his anger again and he’d end up saying things that he really didn’t want or need to.

“Renjun!” Renjun turned around, seeing Jeno approaching him. He managed a smile at the other boy.

Jeno came and stood in front of him, as handsome as ever.

“How are you?” Jeno asked, tone gentle.

Renjun didn’t know how to tell him that shit went down last night after he dropped him off, so he didn’t.

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, come on, the Belgian chocolate certainly helped.” Jeno teased, winking that had Renjun laughing and swatting at his shoulder.

“It did, and your company wasn’t too bad either.” Renjun teased right back, seeing Jeno’s eyes crinkle up.

They were interrupted by a clearing of throat.

Renjun froze at the familiar body next to his.

He looked at Jeno, refusing to look at Mark. Jeno knew they were fake dating anyway, Renjun didn’t need to be careful around him.

“Am I interrupting something?” Mark said, the edge to his voice was back but he still sounded light hearted.

“Yes you are, actually.” Jeno replied cheekily.

Mark huffed out a laugh but it didn’t sound that amused. “Mind if I steal away Renjun?”

And what the fuck?

Renjun didn’t want to be stolen away.

He didn’t even want to be around Mark.

But he knew that Mark was just doing his part and Renjun should too.

Jeno smiled and nodded. And then turned to Renjun. “Text me later.” He winked and waved at him before leaving.

Renjun sighed and turned towards Mark, plastering a smile on his face at the sight of the students milling around them.

Mark’s eyes on him were stony and mildly intimidating but Renjun powered on. “Where are we going?”

Mark exhaled and his shoulders visibly relaxed. “I’m finally free after the game and everything, so I thought I could drop you off today?”

Renjun nodded, smile still in place as he went with it when Mark intertwined their fingers together.

And all he could think of was Jimin’s voice and how needy she’d sounded when she asked Mark to cuddle with her.

They reached Mark’s car, Renjun keeping silent the whole way as Mark tried keeping the atmosphere light by talking about his day. He’d definitely caught onto the fact that Renjun wasn’t particularly talkative that day and that there must be a reason for that.

But Mark had never been the kind to push, so he didn’t.

He opened the car door for Renjun, chivalrous and all that before jogging over to the driver’s side of the car.

Renjun felt almost relieved that he didn’t have to pretend anymore, not that he’d been doing that good of a job that day but still.

Renjun realised that they’d just been standing in the parking lot, Mark making no move to start the car and he looked over at him.

Mark’s eyes were already on him, or on a particular spot on his neck as the other boy reached out almost as if it was instinctive, to press down on a bruise Mark had left there. Renjun hated the way it made him gasp but he swatted Mark’s hand away, the anger coming back in flashes at the reminder.

“Whoa dude, what the fuck?” Mark asked, chuckling nervously. It didn’t surprise Renjun that Mark had no clue about the anger swirling in Renjun’s gut.

“Nothing. Just- can you drive?” Renjun snapped.

Mark looked at him, his jaw setting in place as he looked away and started the car.

They left the school parking lot when Mark finally spoke. “What’s wrong Renjun?” Renjun hated the way his voice sounded concerned, it made Renjun angrier for some reason.

Angry at the way Renjun didn’t even have the right to feel mad at the reasons he was feeling mad at.

“Nothing happened.”

Mark huffed a humourless laugh. “Not very keen on communication, are you?”

That was the last straw. Actually, everything had been the last straw ever since he’d heard Jimin’s voice behind Mark.

“You want communication? Well, here’s your fucking communication Mark, you left me at the party standing there like a fool right after we’d made out for the first time, I didn’t know what to think!” Renjun said, trying not to raise his voice. God, he felt so stupid saying these things out loud.

Mark’s eyes widened from where they were on the road. “Ren-”

“I don’t know Mark, making out with me, leaving me there like I was some disposable rag doll and calling me later for me to just hear your best friend- who the entire school ships you with by the way- whine about how you should cuddle her is not the way I thought I’d be spending the night.” Renjun said, still raging but his voice level. He already didn’t have the right to have these feelings, he wouldn’t cross more lines by shouting at Mark.

Mark looked at him for a millisecond in disbelief before looking away at the road again. “Wait, seriously? Renjun, we’re fake dating.”

And Mark didn’t sound mean in any way or demeaning. He sounded like he was stating a mere fact which he was but Renjun was tired and a tired Renjun had no filter.

He let out a scoff. “Yeah? Where was this fact of yours when you got jealous over me checking Jeno out?”

That shut Mark up. And the victory tasted bitter, horrible on Renjun’s tongue.

The feelings between the two of them a mess that neither of them knew how to navigate through, a whole lot of confusion and not knowing where it had all gone wrong.

“Renjun, look, I am sorry for last night okay? I know we should’ve talked about what happened but Jimin needed me and I needed to go to her-”

“I know.” Renjun said, and he knew that. He knew that he’d do the same but this was the girl Mark had been shipped with since day one. “I know she’s important to you.”

More than I could ever be.

“Renjun, what do you want from me?” Mark sounded tired, as he parked the car in front of Renjun’s house.

“I don’t know okay? I don’t know.” Renjun didn’t, he didn’t even know where all of this was stemming from.

He just knew the ugly feeling of jealousy, hot in his veins that he’d felt. Which was what brought him here.

He was jealous of his fake boyfriend’s best friend.

Wow. Make it make sense.

Mark looked frustrated. But he kept quiet, not knowing what to say.

Renjun looked at him. “Why did you kiss me again?”

Mark’s eyes snapped up to him, big, honest and sincere.

He sighed. “I don’t know.”

Silence hung over them, heavy.

Renjun opened the car door, making to get out. “Bye Mark.”

--

Renjun was exhausted. Conflicts always had him feeling tired the whole day, he’d hated fighting or having disagreements since forever. And combine that with the internal conflict that Renjun had been feeling and you’d get a big mess.

He closed his eyes and felt the guilt and regret seeping back in his bones, not like they’d left since his little fight with Mark.

He’d let his stupid jealousy get to his head, hadn’t even been thinking rationally about half the things he’d felt or said. And he had no idea how to apologise to Mark.

Or if even the other boy would care for an apology from Renjun, if he’d just not talk to Renjun ever again. After all, Mark didn’t owe him shit.

Specially not after the temper tantrum Renjun had thrown earlier that day.

A part of Renjun thought that Mark was better than that, that he would care if Renjun apologised. In Renjun’s opinion, he knew that somewhere Mark had been wrong too, both of them had been, acting like something they were not, getting carried away by the tag of being boyfriends and forgetting the ‘fake’ attached to it.

He looked at the ceiling, blankly staring. He didn’t know what to do and he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. A part of him wanted to call Yangyang and tell him everything so that he could at least have his best friend there with him.

But he couldn’t do that, not just yet anyway.

He was so preoccupied with his spiral that he didn’t hear the sound of something hard hitting his window till the sound was so loud that Renjun jerked.

He shot up on the bed, looking towards the window.

There was nothing for a few seconds and then he saw a stone hit the window again.

Confused, he walked up to the window, opening it up carefully and peering down.

The sight made him want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Mark stood there, his hand holding a stone, his eyes wide and a little scared as if he expected Renjun to yell at him.

Renjun just exhaled. “Mark?”

Mark threw the stone on the ground and waved awkwardly. “Hi?”

“What do you think you’re doing?” Renjun said, and he couldn’t help the amused lilt to his voice.

Mark looked at the stones on the ground, and then up at Renjun again.

God, he was adorable.

“Apologising?” Mark said.

“By breaking my window?” Renjun was smiling by now.

“Seriously Mark, there is a thing called a phone, use it.” Renjun heard Chenle shout from the window beside his.

“Yes honey, or maybe use the front door next time.” He also heard his mom say, amusement in her tone.

“I’m so sorry.” Mark shouted back, looking more and more embarrassed by the second.

Renjun took pity on him. “Stay there, I’ll come down.”

He wore the first jacket he found, the air had been getting chilly during night time these days.

He jogged down the stairs, ignoring the knowing look his mother gave him from the couch as he opened the front door and closed it behind him, walking out to the garden.

He ushered Mark to sit on the swing and settled down beside him, swaying lightly.

“So,” Mark started.

Renjun smiled. “Did you really pull the whole ‘throwing stones at the window’ thing?”

Mark looked sheepish. “I thought it was romantic,” He paused. “And also a kind of thing you’d like.”

Mark was right.

“Renjun, I’m so sorry. I’ve been such an asshole to you and I don’t even have a good enough explanation for it.” Mark said, sounding apologetic. “I didn’t know what I was doing and I gave you a lot of mixed signals in the process and you did not deserve that.”

Renjun knew that Mark meant every word he said, Mark was like that, he wore his heart on his sleeve.

“I mean, yes you did give me mixed signals,” Renjun started, seeing as Mark’s face fell. “But I was bad too. I didn’t know what to think either and I did things that I had no right of doing.”

Renjun’s face felt heated up but he continued. “I mean, even with the kiss, I kissed you again first, I shouldn’t have asked you why you did.”

“I kissed you again because I wanted to Renjun,” Mark said, voice sure. “That much I know. I don’t know why or what but I just wouldn’t kiss you because you riled me on and I couldn’t control myself or whatever. I kissed you because I wanted to.”

Okay.

Renjun was not expecting that honesty.

He tried to ignore that as he continued. “I am really sorry for the way I talked to you in the car too, I had no right and I should’ve communicated things better.” He looked at Mark and hoped his sincerity reached Mark.

Mark reached out and caressed the top of Renjun’s hand. “Hey Jun, you’re not disposable okay? You never were and I’m sorry you felt that way.”

Renjun blushed and looked down but nodded. He hadn’t expected the conversation to go so well, for Mark to understand and apologise for the things he’d done wrong.

“I was being stupid, I knew that Jimin needed you but I just blanked out.” Renjun sighed. “I guess we both just got too into our roles and confused the reality with the acting.”

Mark nodded. “I think so too, I guess we both suck at compartmentalising.”

Both of them chuckled at that.

“So are we okay?” Mark asked, weirdly nervous. “I know there are more things we need to be clear on but I just needed to know.”

Renjun chuckled. “Yeah, we’re fine. I did think of calling the arrangement off today not going to lie, but it would be counterproductive seeing as you left with Jimin last night. People would assume we broke up because of her.”

Mark nodded. “Yeah.” Then he looked at Renjun, a soft and open look on his face. “I won’t let this get this messy again, I promise.”

Renjun smiled. “Me too.”

They swung quietly for a while.

Renjun felt a little clearer having talked about everything, knowing that both of their minds had confused reality with the acting and their emotions had acted up.

They’d be fine now.

“Can I ask you something?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, anything.”

“Why don’t you and Jimin date?”

Renjun had been curious underneath all that anger, when there was already that good of a chemistry between the two of them, surely it wouldn’t be that hard to like each other romantically too.

Mark laughed. “She’s too much of a sister to me for me to ever think of her that way. And she agrees.” Mark smiled and looked at Renjun. “We’re both grossed out by the idea.”

Renjun groaned. “She’s been nothing but nice to me and I got jealous over her.”

Mark laughed. “Hey, Jeno is my favourite person in the whole world and I still got jealous. It’s okay.”

Renjun smiled, albeit a little helplessly. “We’re hopeless.”

“Yes. But I’m glad we talked it out.”

Renjun nodded, he was glad too. “Me too.”

“So, can we kiss again?” Mark teased.

Renjun looked at the other with a done expression, hitting his arm as Mark cackled. ‘I’m just kidding.”

Renjun just smiled. “Behave, and we shall see.”

Mark stopped laughing and he looked at Renjun. “You still have the marks from last night.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Someone fulfilled their baby vampire teething fantasies.”

“But you liked it.”

Renjun sighed, closing his eyes and opening them, focusing them on Mark. “I think you should go home Mark.”

Mark was smiling, a little smug, a little secretive. “Whatever you say babe.”

And when Renjun fell on his bed after Mark had left, he had the creeping suspicion from the first day he’d started fake dating Mark come back to him.

Just what had he gotten himself into.

--

“Renjun.”

Renjun didn’t reply, just to be annoying.

Mark kissed his temple. “Renjun.” He tried again.

Renjun hid a smile but didn’t reply again.

Mark huffed. And started to tickle him.

Renjun shrieked. “Okay fine fine!”

Mark smiled as he let Renjun go but kept an arm around him anyway.

They were both at the cafeteria, they had both had a free period and Mark had clung onto him the second Renjun had entered.

“What were you saying?” Renjun asked.

Mark but his lip, nervous. “Yeah, it’s like this thing..”

“Spill, Mark.”

“My parents want to meet you.”

Renjun raised both his eyebrows, eyes widening slightly. “Excuse me?”

Mark looked apologetic. “I know you didn’t really sign up for this.”

“I mean, how do they even know?” Renjun asked, even though he had a suspicion.

“Donghyuck.”

And, he’d been right.

“Of course.” Renjun scoffed.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, I already told them that if you weren’t comfortable, I wouldn’t force you obviously.” Mark said, rubbing circles on Renjun’s knuckles.

Renjun thought about it.

He didn’t actually mind the idea very much. He did mind that they were both lying to their parents about this when they weren’t actually together but well, now that the already knew, Renjun didn’t mind meeting them.

“I’d like to meet them.” Renjun said, biting back a smile at how grateful Mark looked. “I mean, it’s only fair after you met my disaster of a family.”

“Hey! Your family’s cool.” Mark pouted.

Renjun pinched his cheek and cooed. “I’m sure yours is too.”

Mark smile at him, and kissed his knuckles.

“Ew, they’re being gross again!” Donghyuck exclaimed from behind them suddenly.

“I am literally going to murder you.” Renjun deadpanned, throwing him a glare noting how everyone had turned up behind him.

Yangyang, Jaemin, Jeno, Chenle and Jisung. They were all there.

“So, you just hangout with this devil incarnate now?” Renjun asked Yangyang as the other flopped down beside him and stole his fries.

“Considering my best friend had abandoned me, I’ve had no choice.” Yangyang sighed dramatically but then he perked up. “Besides, Hyuckie is amazing company.”

“Hyuckie?” Renjun made a disgusted face.

“Jealousy is a disease Renjun.” Donghyuck said. “But you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” He said, smirking at Renjun.

Sometimes, Renjun hated how Donghyuck knew about Renjun’s weird jealousy for Jimin.

“Shut up.” Renjun said, blushing.

“Renjun’s meeting your parents?” Renjun tuned back into the other conversation when he heard Chenle saying that.

“Yeah, Hyuck told them about him and they want to meet him.” Mark said.

“Ooh, meeting the parents already.” Jisung said.

Renjun rolled his eyes, but smiled at Jisung anyway.

“That’s amazing, you guys are all grossly domestic anyway.” Jaemin said.

Mark was flustered, Renjun could tell.

“I take great offense on behalf of your parents that you didn’t tell them by the way.” Donghyuck said haughtily.

“They’re not offended.” Mark said.

“Well, I am.”

Mark scoffed and turned away.

Yangyang nudged Renjun. “Nervous?”

“I mean, kinda? I don’t know, it hasn’t hit me yet.” Renjun answered honestly.

Yangyang nodded. “I’ll dress you up that day.”

Renjun smiled. “Of course.”

Renjun turned back to see Jaemin pinching Jisung’s cheek over something. “My Jisungie’s so cute.”

And before, Jisung would have blushed, would have swatted his arm away or something but he just scoffed and smiled a little this time.

Renjun watch surprise take over Jaemin’s features. As if he didn’t quite understand how that change had taken place.

Renjun looked to the heavens for support. Why was everyone in this group a mess?

Renjun saw that even Chenle noticed that change.

Renjun looked away to see Jeno looking at him.

‘You both okay?’ He mouthed at Renjun.

Renjun smiled. And nodded.

Jeno smiled back.

Mark took that moment to nuzzle into the side of Renjun’s neck. “How does tomorrow night sound?” He said. “To meet my parents?”

“It sounds good.”

Mark left a fleeting kiss on his neck. “Okay.” Renjun shivered.

Mark had always been affectionate and touchy but ever since they’d made out and then made up after their fight, it was like Mark’s touches had been more intimate, or maybe Renjun felt that way because he felt every single touch of Mark’s leave a trail of fire behind and Renjun felt himself lose his mind a little every time.

“What should I wear?” Renjun asked.

“Wear anything you’re comfortable in.” Mark mumbled. “You’d look amazing either way.”

Renjun blushed and hit Mark on the knee slightly. “And leave a bad impression on your parents?”

Mark chuckled. “My parents would love you.”

And Mark had said a lot of things over the course of their fake relationship that had affected Renjun in some way or the other but that took the cake.

“You’re such a flatterer, go away.”

Renjun pushed Mark slightly away as the other boy obliged with a chuckle and started talking to Jaemin about something instead.

Renjun turned to Yangyang who was looking at him with a smile on his face.

“What?” Renjun asked, conscious.

Yangyang patted his shoulder. “It’s good to see you so happy.”

Renjun smiled. He supposed Mark’s presence did make him happy.

--

Renjun felt like his eyes were following a game of ping pong as his eyes jumped from Yangyang to Donghyuck while they tried to put together an outfit for Renjun.

He’d asked Yangyang to come over to help him pick an outfit to go meet Mark’s parents, but he had no clue where Donghyuck had come from.

He was always a bit confused about that actually, so he let it go.

“I think this works.” Yangyang said, holding the tightest pair of black jeans Renjun owned.

Donghyuck nodded. “And this.” He was holding the green satin shirt that Renjun had never worn in his life since getting it as a gift from Sicheng.

They high-fived.

Renjun was done. “Guys, I am going to meet Mark’s parents, not to a club.” He deadpanned.

They both looked at him, identical faces of disgust on their faces.

“Seriously Jun, who goes to their boyfriend’s parents’ house on a Friday night?” Yangyang said.

“Yeah man, you could be making out with your boyfriend but instead you’re meeting his parents.” Donghyuck sighed.

Renjun gaped. “And who’s fucking fault is that?”

Donghyuck grinned and passed a peace sign.

Chenle peeked his head in. “What’s all the noise?”

“Renjun’s meeting Mark’s parents.” Yangyang said.

“Wearing that?” Chenle asked, pointing at the outfit in both of their hands before cackling and leaving.

Renjun sighed. “See?”

“I think you’d look fabulous.”

“Can I get a decent outfit please?”

“Fine.” Yangyang rolled his eyes and picked his light wash jeans, the one that Renjun actually liked because it was comfortable and looked good and he picked out a white shirt that looked appropriate.

“Now, was that so hard?” Renjun asked, as he took the outfit from Yangyang’s hands to go change.

“Yes, actually.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and went to change.

The others gave him an appreciative once- over when he came out after changing.

“You look cute.” Donghyuck said, nodding. “Totally meet the parents worthy.”

Renjun smiled.

“Yes.” Yangyang agreed.

Renjun exhaled. He was weirdly nervous.

Meeting Mark’s parents shouldn’t be this much of a thing considering Renjun didn’t even need them to like him if he was just fake dating their son but for some reason, he wanted them to.

Maybe it was the people-pleaser in him.

Maybe it was just something else.

“Hey Hyuck.” He said, the other boy turned to him.

“How are Mark’s parents like?” He bit his lip in nervousness as he asked the question.

He knew that Donghyuck would never let him live this nervousness down but he needed to know.

Donghyuck smiled. “Nervous?”

Renjun rolled his eyes in annoyance but nodded anyway.

“They’re honestly two of the kindest people I’ve ever met.” Donghyuck said, a fond smile on his face. “Come on Jun, what kind of people would they have to be for their son to be Mark? You know the answer yourself. Don’t worry.”

Renjun found himself smiling at that. He was right. Their son was Mark for god’s sake, they had to be amazing people.

“They’ll love you Renjun, you’re literally so perfect to meet parents. My parents would choose you over me any day.” Yangyang said, grinning.

Renjun chuckled. “Thanks guys.”

His phone pinged with a notification. It was from Mark.

Mark

Hey I’m outside

You ready?

Yeah, I’ll come down

“Guys, Mark is here.” Renjun told the other two.

“Okay, have fun.” Yangyang said. “Don’t be nervous!”

“Try to sneak in that make out.” Donghyuck winked, grinning.

Renjun laughed. “You guys not going home?”

“Nah, we’ll just hang with your mom and Chenle.” Yangyang said.

Renjun blinked.

Everyone was weird.

“Okay.”

He left the room, jogging down the stairs.

“Yeah, now you look presentable enough.” Chenle said.

His mom hit him lightly on the back of his head. “Your brother is probably nervous, be nice.” She said but she looked amused.

Renjun whined. “Mom.”

She laughed, patting his cheek. “You’ll be fine, okay?” She was smiling. “Now, go.”

Renjun nodded, giving her a quick hug and a quick salute to Chenle before going out.

Mark was standing outside his car, leaning on the passenger side door of it.

He looked…

Nice.

His hair was slicked back and his forehead was exposed and he was wearing blue jeans with a round neck white t-shirt with a black casual blazer to top it off.

He smiled as he saw Renjun approach. And Renjun lost his breath for a second.

“Hi.” Mark said when Renjun was close enough.

“Hey.” Renjun replied.

“You look really good.” Mark said, eyes raking down Renjun’s body and Renjun blushed.

“Says you.” Renjun said, shy.

Mark chuckled, poking Renjun’s cheek once. “Let’s go?”

Renjun nodded. “Yeah.”

--

They were parked in front of Mark’s house and Renjun’s palms were clammy.

“Renjun?” Mark asked when he saw that Renjun made no move to get out of the car.

Renjun looked at him.

“Oh my god, you’re nervous.” Mark said.

Renjun nodded.

Mark reached out and too his hands between his. “Don’t be nervous Renjun, I told you they’re going to love you.” Mark said softly. “Besides, they’re probably nervous about you liking them as we speak.” He said with a chuckle.

Renjun managed a weak smile. “But what if I mess up?”

“No, you won’t, I know you enough to know you’ll be perfect.” Mark kissed his hand. “Have some faith in yourself.”

Renjun realised in the back of his head that the random acts of affection and intimacy that had become so common for them even when people weren’t watching was probably not normal but this was not the time for that realisation so he filed it away for later.

“Okay.” He said.

Mark smiled at him. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

They got out of the car, Mark taking a hold of Renjun’s hand immediately again as he rang the bell.

Renjun could almost feel his stomach drop and just die. His heart beat was erratic.

The door opened and a lady, who was obviously Mark’s mom saw them and gasped.

“Oh my god, you’re here.” She said, looking very excited.

Mark laughed. “I told you I’m going to pick Renjun up, Mom.”

She laughed and Renjun noted how much Mark’s smile looked like hers.

“Renjun, sweetheart! It is so good to see you.” She said, hugging Renjun.

Renjun felt struck but hugged her back politely. “It’s good to meet you too Mrs. Lee.” He smiled.

“Oh, so formal.” She said but she was still smiling. “You’re so good looking.” She said, patting his cheek softly.

Renjun blushed.

“Now come on, make yourself at home.” She said, ushering Renjun inside as Mark came in behind him too.

“Renjun was nervous to meet you.” Mark said, smiling mischievously when Renjun glared at him.

Traitor.

“Oh no honey! Don’t be, at all.” She said. “Mark’s dad and I were the ones who were nervous, we didn’t want to embarrass ourselves in front of the boy who’s got our son so whipped.” She said, pinching Mark’s arm.

Renjun ducked his head.

Mark whispered in his ear the moment she turned away. “Told you.”

Renjun hit him on his arm, cheeks still aflame.

They went into the backyard that was connected to the living room and saw Mark’s dad grilling the meat.

He looked up and smiled. “Renjun, hi.”

Renjun smiled back, not knowing if he should bow or not. “Hello Mr. Lee.”

“I hope you like meat.” He asked.

“Yes, I do.”

The backyard was beautifully decorated with furniture and lights, Renjun looked around. “Your house is so beautiful.”

Mark chuckled. “Mum did it herself. She’s a fan of interior décor.”

“Oh really?!”

Mark’s mom came back with drinks in her hand. “I got fresh lime sodas for the two of you, is that okay Renjun?”

“Yes it’s more than fine.” Renjun nodded, smiling. “Your house is decorated really beautifully.”

Mark’s mom smiled, pleased. “Thank you so much honey, I planned it out myself.”

“Renjun has a good sense of interiors too.” Mark said.

She perked up at that. “Really?”

“I mean, yeah, a little bit.” Renjun shyly replied.

“That’s great, I always get lonely when I’m redesigning a room in the house and now I’d have someone to call over!” She said, excitedly. And Renjun couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I can help out anytime.”

“Bonding already?” Mark’s father said amusedly as he sat on the arm of the chair mark’s mom was in in. “Mark, I have a feeling they’ll be ganging up on you together soon enough.”

“I saw that one coming, Dad.” Mark laughed.

Mark’s dad looked at Renjun, smiling kindly. “I hope Mark doesn’t annoy you very much.”

Mark choked on his drink as Renjun couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No, he’s not that bad.” Renjun teased.

“Hey!” Mark exclaimed.

Renjun and his parents laughed at Mark’s betrayed expression.

“Guys, it’s been five minutes.”

“Well, I already like Renjun more than you, so.” Mark’s mother said.

Mark rolled his eyes. “I am just going to sit here and sip my drink.”

Renjun smiled. The atmosphere there was so nice, Renjun could feel al his nerves melt away.

Mark’s parents were so nice and so welcoming. He didn’t have any reason to worry.

He met Mark’s eyes, the other’s eyes crinkling at him in a knowing way.

‘Told you they’d love you’ was what they said.

Renjun smiled back at him and turned to Mark’s parents again.

--

“You’ll visit again soon, right?” Mark’s mom asked as they walked to the door.

“I will, definitely.” Renjun said.

“We loved having you over, son.” Mark’s dad added.

Renjun smiled, a blush taking over his features.

“Yes, you’re too good for Mark.” His mom said, smiling.

Renjun laughed as Mark just sighed. He’d given up in the course of the night.

“He’s really good to me.” Renjun said.

Mark’s eyes snapped up at him but Renjun kept looking at his mom who smiled fondly and patted his cheek, right as they reached the door.

“You drive safe Mark, have a good night Renjun.” His mom said she hugged Renjun one last time.

“Good night, Mrs. Lee, Mr. Lee.”

They both waved at him with identical smiles on their faces as Renjun and Mark got into the car and drove away.

Renjun exhaled and relaxed back into the seat. Mark chuckled, looking at him.

“Tired?”

“Not really, just a bit.”

Mark nodded. “So I’d say that went successfully.”

Renjun smiled, it really had.

Renjun almost had gotten emotional during one part of the night because of how nice and kind Mark’s parents were, how they’d treated Renjun like their own son.

They had been really functional together too, so in love even so many years into their marriage and it’d made him miss his other mom a lot.

“It did, your parents are amazing.”

Mark smiled. “I’ll hear them gushing about how you’re amazing for days. You were perfect in there Jun.”

Renjun blushed. “Stop making me shy, all of you.”

Mark laughed heartily at that. “Cutie.”

“Your parents are so in love.” Renjun started, “It is so adorable to witness.”

“They are, they act like high schoolers in love all the time.” Mark laughed.

God, Renjun’s heart ached for his mom, how she must miss her wife every day.

Mark must have noticed Renjun’s silence.

“Is everything okay?” Mark asked, taking one hand away from the steering wheel to caress Renjun’s hand.

Renjun smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He debated on whether to tell Mark, he thought it was okay to tell him. It wasn’t like Renjun particularly thought of it as a secret or anything.

And even if he did, he trusted Mark.

A lot.

And that was scary thought.

“I was just missing Mama.” Mark looked at him for a brief moment before looking back at the road.

“You know, my other mom. She passed away when I was six.” Renjun said. He’d be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt anymore.

He missed her every day, recalled whatever numbered memories he had with her every day.

But it wasn’t an open wound anymore.

Mark held his hand. Renjun continued.

“My mom’s Korean and Mama was Chinese, they met at college and fell in love. They ran here and got married. They adopted us, all four of us and we all turned out to be Chinese, a stroke of luck?” Renjun laughed a little. “She was the most amazing woman ever, I don’t remember her a lot, but I love her so much.” Renjun said, his voice breaking a little.

They’d reached Renjun’s house, Mark parked the car outside his house and turned towards Renjun completely, his other hand coming to hold Renjun’s other hand.

Renjun didn’t have it in him to look at Mark so he just leaned his head back. “She was coming back from office one day when Mom got the call, she’d gotten into an accident, it was bad.”

Renjun’s memories of that day are hazy, just his mom’s voice, frantic and Chenle holding Renjun‘s hand and crying as Kun tried to calm all of them down even when he’d just been 10 years old himself.

“By the time we reached the hospital, she’s already passed away. Too much bleeding.”

Renjun had been too young to understand the concept of death back then but when his mom had told him and Chenle that their Mama wasn’t coming back home anymore and that she was star in the sky now, he and Chenle had cried till their eyes hurt anyway.

Looking back, Renjun thinks, his obsession with stars started when he started looking for his Mama in the sky every night.

“We miss her every day, her presence is felt every day. Sometimes, it feels unfair that I got to see her so less, that I won’t get to see her again, just because some stupid person on the road was drunk driving but then I look at Mom and I see how much she tries, for us, and that feeling just turns to sadness.” Renjun said, his voice quivering by now.

“She was supposed to be by her side till the end you know? I can’t even imagine how she must feel.” Renjun finished, exhaling and looking at Mark.

He could see Mark’s eyes were teary. His grip on Renjun’s hand had tightened too much.

Renjun smiled, fond. “Mark?”

Mark sniffled, breaking away from the trance. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Renjun said.

Mark pecked Renjun’s forehead. “Thank you so much for telling me, Renjun.”

Renjun smiled, he knew telling Mark would be a good idea.

“I trust you.”

“I’m honoured.”

Mark caressed Renjun’s cheek softly. “You guys are so strong, I’m in awe of you.”

Renjun ducked his head at that, a little shy.

“She’d be so proud of you, Jun.” Mark’s voice was feather soft and Renjun felt like crying.

“Stop, you’re making me cry.” Renjun whined, if only to break the tension a little.

Mark chuckled.

“Thank you for today.” Renjun said, finally.

He didn’t want to leave just yet but he had a feeling he’d end up crying if he stayed in that car with Mark a little longer.

Something about the older made him want to talk about his deepest and darkest fears.

“Are you kidding? Thank you for today.” Mark said. “Meeting my parents was something you really didn’t have to do. But it means a lot to me.”

Renjun smiled.

God, Mark was so sincere.

“Good night Mark.” Renjun said and Mark fondly nodded.

Fuck, Renjun wanted to kiss him.

“Good night Jun.”

Would it be too much?

It would be definitely too much.

‘Mark will probably push me away.’

No no, he’s too nice for that.

“Renjun?” Mark asked. “You okay?”

Renjun looked at him. “Can I do something?”

Mark blinked at him before an easy smile took over his features. “Sure, anything.”

Renjun leaned forward, pausing for a second to wonder what he was doing and then capturing Mark’s lips with his own.

Mark didn’t even seem surprised as he cupped Renjun’s cheeks and kissed him back.

The kiss was so soft, Mark was being so careful with Renjun as if he’d break as he kept caressing the tops of Renjun’s cheeks, softly kissing Renjun’s cheek before kissing him again.

Renjun pressed a little closer. Kissing Mark again felt so good. Felt like something he kept wanting to do.

When they broke away, Renjun was blushing and so was Mark.

Renjun chanced a look up at Mark to see the boy looking at him already, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Good night Mark, sweet dreams.”

“Night Jun.”

Renjun finally left that car before he could do something stupid, like kiss Mark again.

Even though he really wanted to.

He turned around and waved goodbye to Mark and practically sprinted back home.

His heart feeling like it would burst out of his chest any moment.

--

Renjun entered his house, closing the door behind him.

His heart felt heavy and light at the same time.

He heard footsteps come from the direction of the kitchen and he looked up to see his mother approach him. “Hey sweetie, how was it?”

Renjun just walked up to her and hugged her, tight. He didn’t tell her in words that often but he hoped his feelings were apparent through the hug.

She made a confused sort of sound. “Junnie? Is everything okay?”

 Renjun sniffled, feeling the first few tears fall. “Just-” he breathed in, trying to calm himself down. “Thank you, for everything.”

His mom went silent at that before Renjun felt her arms encircle his back as she hugged him back.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She said, voice gentle and fond.

The same voice Renjun had come to associate with comfort and love.

He burst into tears and hugged her tighter.

Moms really were a blessing.

--

Walking to school with Jeno was becoming more of a common occurrence than not.

He was fun and good company.

“Can you believe he said that?” Jeno said, exasperated.

Renjun laughed. “Man, your team is weird.”

“Yes, it is. Especially with the stress of the tournament, it’s like everyone’s always high.” Jeno said, smiling.

Renjun chuckled. “Well, you guys are doing so well on the field, so I guess it doesn’t matter if you guys are a mess in the locker room?”

Jeno laughed at that.

They’d reached Renjun’s locker.

“I’ll see you soon Renjun.” Jeno said, smiling warmly as he waved him goodbye.

Renjun returned the wave. “See you, Jen.”

Renjun took out the books he needed for the first period, keeping the rest in the locker and he turned around to find an amusing sight.

“Jimin! Stop dragging me!”

Mark was being dragged by Jimin over to where Renjun was standing and the other boy kept protesting.

“Renjun!” Jimin exclaimed, standing in front of her.

Renjun looked at her and then at Mark amusedly. “What’s up, guys?”

“Mark’s sick. And he wouldn’t stop practicing.” Jimin said, voice stern.

Renjun’s eyes snapped to Mark. Sick?

“You’re sick?” Renjun asked and his hand immediately went to Mark’s forehead only to see that he was warm.

“Yes, he almost fainted twice during practice just now because he’s been here since dawn and he won’t stop.” Jimin pouted. “So, I brought him to you.” She said, looking at Renjun, smiling.

Renjun smiled back at her. He couldn’t believe he’d ever associated negative feelings to this girl, when all she wanted was what was best for Mark.

“I’ll take over from here Jimin, thank you so much.” Renjun said.

Jimin grinned at Renjun but hitting Mark on the back of his head. “Yes please, take care of this idiot. I’ll leave.”

She went away, waving as Mark kept grumbling under his breath.

Renjun held his hand and took him to a bench right outside, making him sit.

“What’s this Mark?” He scolded.

Mark pouted and looked down. “I’m not sick.”

“Well, even if you’re not, you will be if you keep running yourself dry like that.” Renjun said, hands on his hips.

“But the semi finals are coming up and I don’t want to mess up.” Mark looked like a child who’d been scolded, Renjun was equal parts amused and fond.

He sat down beside Mark. “But baby, you’re already doing so good, a few hours of rest won’t hurt.” He tried.

Mark’s eyes had widened a bit as he looked at Renjun and it took a minute of that for Renjun to realise what had happened.

His eyes widened too.

Baby?

Had Renjun just called Mark, baby? Unprovoked?

Mark’s face broke into a smile. “Okay.”

Renjun scoffed, amused. “Wait so, I call you baby and you’ll do everything I say?”

Mark shrugged. “Pretty much.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot, please go home for the day and rest Mark.”

“I can’t just go ho-”

“I will literally not hesitate to call your mom and tell her that you’re being like this.” Renjun said.

Mark pouted again. “Introducing you to my mother was a bad idea.”

“Now you have no choice, go home Mark, please.” Renjun almost pleaded. The other boy looked pale, and his eyes seemed like he hadn’t slept in days. Renjun was concerned.

“Okay, fine.” Mark obliged finally. “I’ll go home and rest.”

Then he whined. “But mom and dad aren’t even home, they’re gone to some wedding.”

Renjun massaged Mark’s shoulder. “It’s okay, even just your bed would make you feel better.”

Mark sighed but nodded.

“I’ll go and sleep.”

Renjun smiled and patted his hair, kissing his temple. “Good boy.”

Seriously Huang.

Get a fucking hold of yourself.

Renjun saw Mark leave in his car and went back to his class.

His thoughts plagued by Mark, but that was becoming a more common occurrence lately.

--

“Hi Jisung.” Renjun said, the moment he stepped into his living room after school.

Jisung waved at him from the couch.

“Where’s Chenle?”

“Oh, he has an assignment that he’s procrastinated on for far too long and if he doesn’t submit it tomorrow, he’ll get a D so I locked him in his room with all his electronics with me and I’m sitting here so he doesn’t come out without doing it.” Jisung said, with a level of casualty only those two could maintain while talking about stuff like this.

Renjun laughed. “You’re good for him.”

Jisung grinned. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Renjun plopped down beside him. “How have you been?” Renjun asked, knowing how the other boy had felt after the party.

Jisung shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know, really. Some days I’m okay but other days I just want to cry when I look at him.”

Renjun could understand.

“He asked me if something was wrong, you know? The other day.” Jisung said. “I guess it was because I wasn’t getting all flustered by his actions anymore.”

Renjun would kill one Na Jaemin. And make sure even his body wouldn’t be found.

“That bitch.” Renjun grumbled.

Jisung chuckled. “It’s okay, I get it. I’ve acted a certain way around him since forever, it’s obvious that he’d notice.”

Renjun just had a suspicion that Jaemin had some sort of feelings towards the other boy too.

Call it his intuition or whatever.

But well, what was the point of it of he didn’t get over his ‘Jisung is a baby’ phase and realised those feelings.

“People are weird. Emotions are weird. I hate it.” Renjun said, eloquent.

“I’d drink to that. Except I don’t drink.” Jisung said, smiling.

Renjun laughed, pinching his cheek.

Renjun’s phone pinged with a message.

Mark

I just woke up from my nap

Ugh

My head hurts

Maybe you were right

I am sick

Oh god

Renjun face palmed.

You idiot

Mark

Don’t be mean ☹

Did you eat anything?

Mark

No not yet

Mom isn’t home

So I’ll have to make something

I’ll do it in a while

Did you get home already?

Yeah

I did

Take care Mark

Message me if you need anything

Mark

Okay Jun 😊

Renjun locked his phone and kept it aside. Worried for Mark.

He really worked himself to the bone sometimes.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asked.

“Mark’s sick.” Renjun said.

Jisung made an ‘o’ face. “That’s bad, doesn’t he have the semi final coming up?”

Renjun sighed. “Why do you think he’s sick?”

Jisung made a face of consideration. “He’s a really hard worker.”

Everybody could see that about him.

“He is.”

And he didn’t have anyone at home right now to take care of him.

Renjun wished he co-

His eyes widened as the idea came to his head.

He didn’t know if he’d be crossing some line that Mark didn’t want to crossed.

But Renjun just wanted to make sure that Mark was recovering.

He could go over with warm soup for him and be with him for a while, ensuring his recovery.

Renjun felt his cheeks warm up.

“Renjun?”

Jisung looked confused.

“Sorry Ji, I was thinking of something.”

“What?” Jisung asked.

“That maybe I should take soup over to Mark and look after him?” Renjun said.

Jisung’s face broke into a huge smile. “That’s a great idea! Mark would really like that.”

Renjun smiled, shy. “Yeah?”

“Yes!”

Jisung looked so excited, it made Renjun smile.

Maybe, Mark would like it after all.

Fake boyfriends or not, Renjun and Mark at least were friends.

Right?

--

Renjun could not do this.

And it was mildly stupid how he’d been standing outside Mark’s door for the last five minutes, contemplating whether to go in or run the fuck away.

The bags in his hand containing the soup and a few other dishes Renjun had brought with him felt like it weighed tons and he kept fidgeting.

This was too weird.

Mark would be weirded out by the whole prospect, no doubt.

Renjun sighed.

But he didn’t want to go back home without at least knowing that Mark was okay.

He knew that Mark was alone right now and it felt almost heartless for Renjun to turn back now.

It’s okay, he could do this.

He reached his hand up and rang the bell, finally.

He shifted from foot to foot as he waited the door to open.

He heard footsteps approach the door from behind it and then the door was opening, Mark’s doe eyes staring at him.

“Renjun?”

Mark looked a bit surprised.

Renjun smiled awkwardly, waving. “Hey?”

Mark managed a smile as well. “What are you doing here?”

Renjun noticed that he looked much better now, well-rested. Definitely looked a lot better than being close to fainting.

But his voice was still a bit hoarse, maybe from the cold or his nap, but Renjun still found it attractive. Fuck him.

Renjun bit his lip nervously, raising the bag of food in his hand so that it was in Mark’s line of vision.

“I brought food.”

Mark eyed the bag of food a little incredulously as if he couldn’t believe that Renjun had actually brought food with him. Renjun had a hard time believing it either.

“Or I can just go now if you want. I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have co-” Renjun babbled, overthinking Mark’s silence but Mark cut him off.

“No!” he said, holding his hand out. “Come in. Fuck, Renjun, you didn’t have to.” He sounded genuinely shocked with a hint of gratitude in his voice too.

Renjun entered his house, taking off his shoes. And smiling at Mark. “It’s nothing. It’s mostly just leftovers.”

They weren’t.

Renjun had made everything himself, wanting Mark to eat fresh and warm food.

He’d been teased by Chenle and Jisung relentlessly for it but he’d just continued to work with warm cheeks.

“It still means a lot.” Mark said, his voice soft.

Renjun realised with a start then, that Mark still needed rest, he held Mark by his shoulders, pushing him to his room. “Now go go, you need to rest! I’ll bring the food over to your bed.” He fussed.

Mark was chuckling but he obliged, obediently going into his room while Renjun got to work plating the dishes.

He’d helped Mark’s mom set the table so he knew where most of the cutlery was, he hoped she wouldn’t mind too much that he’d touched her kitchen while she’d been gone.

He put the soup in a bowl, only serving that for now as he knew Mark didn’t have much of an appetite and took it into his room.

Mark was on his bed, leaning behind on the bed’s headrest, sitting up.

He perked up when he saw Renjun.

Renjun smiled at him, putting the soup in front of him as Mark sat up to eat.

Renjun took a seat across from him on the bed.

“How are you feeling now?” Renjun asked.

“A lot better, actually.” Mark said, tacking on a chuckle at the end. “I think I needed that nap.”

Renjun shook his head, fond. “The day you stop working yourself dry is the day I’ll know peace.”

Mark laughed, taking a spoonful of soup and putting it in his mouth, his eyes lighting up. “This is so good!” He exclaimed. “Tell Mrs. Kim that she’s amazing.” He said.

Renjun shifted uncomfortably. “Uhm actually, I made it.”

He didn’t know what prompted him to be honest with Mark but maybe he just wanted to show off a bit?

Renjun wanted to laugh at his ridiculousness.

Mark’s eyes widened even more. “You made this?”

Renjun nodded, suddenly shy.

Mark gasped. “Renjun, how could I possibly thank you for this?”

Renjun just shook his head vehemently. “Just get better.”

Renjun wasn’t looking at Mark, but he just knew that Mark’s eyes had gone softer, a lot more fond.

Mark finished the rest of the soup in silence and Renjun wordlessly put the tray away from the bed. Coming to sit next to Mark on the bed now.

“I still can’t believe you came.” Mark still sounded in awe and Renjun wanted to laugh. It wasn’t even that special. It was something friends totally did for each other and Mark had been nothing but nice to Renjun so far.

“It isn’t that big of a deal.” Renjun shrugged, feeling conscious.

Mark reached out and patted Renjun’s knee. “It is, Renjun. Thank you so much.”

Renjun just smiled.

“I was starting to get a bit lonely, not gonna lie.” Mark chuckled.

But he looked a bit on edge.

Renjun realised it must be because he was missing practice, especially if the way he kept glancing at the clock was any indication.

“The guys can manage one day without their captain, Mark.” Renjun said, going for a bit of a teasing tone but also sincere so that Mark would stop beating himself up over it.

Mark looked at Renjun like he didn’t expect to be caught that easily, but then he exhaled, deflating. “I just feel so guilty,” He started, looking forlorn. “The semi finals are three days away, I have no business missing practice.”

God, Renjun really didn’t understand hard workers.

“Mark, you and the team are already in good shape because of the constant matches you’ve had to play since the tournament started, there’s not much practice to do anyway. They will manage one day without you and you seriously can’t be telling me that your health is not more important here. What will play with if your body just gives up on you?” Renjun said, almost chiding like Mark was a little child.

Mark pouted a bit, as if he knew Renjun was right but he still wanted to fight back anyway.

But his phone chimed at that moment, it was a message in their soccer team group chat from how much Renjun could see.

Mark picked up the phone, opening up the group chat, angling the phone so that Renjun could see too.

Renjun could see that Mark had sent a message in the group earlier, apologising for not turning up to the practice.

Sungchan

Cap!!!

You should rest today, we can manage for a day!

Guanheng

Yeah dude

Just focus on getting better

We need our tiger back on the field on full health!

Yukhei

Get better soon Mark!!!

Renjun had that ‘I told you so’ on the tip of his tongue when he saw how Mark was smiling looking at the messages.

Renjun smiled too. “See? Everything’s fine.”

Mark looked at him. And he caressed Renjun’s cheek while smiling. “You always are right, after all.”

Renjun grinned. “I know.”

“Thank you, Renjun.” Mark said again, and Renjun rolled his eyes.

“You’re thanking me an awful lot today Mark.” Renjun laughed.

“You’re the best thing in my life, seriously.” Mark mumbled.

Renjun snapped his eyes up to Mark’s, suddenly realising how close they were to each other.

He saw Mark’s eyes snap down to Renjun’s lips for a brief moment. It was stupid how they always ended up here, one second away from kissing each other even though they had no reason to. But Renjun would be a liar to say that he hadn’t been thinking about kissing Mark ever since the last time in the car and he almost wanted Mark to close the distance between them already.

But Mark kept searching Renjun’s eyes and when he was finally satisfied with what he found there, he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Renjun’s.

Renjun went boneless almost immediately, sighing into the kiss. It was embarrassing how much Renjun liked Mark’s lips on his. And also a bit of a problem if Renjun sat and thought about it but he just let himself enjoy the sensation as of right now.

The kiss started off as gentle as their last one had, Renjun not even giving a damn about how Mark had a fever and that might get transferred to him at this rate.

Mark held Renjun’s waist, squeezing gently and that had Renjun moaning softly against Mark’s lips.

It was almost like a switch. The kiss turned more passionate almost immediately.

Mark’s hands roamed on Renjun’s body like he couldn’t quite get enough and Renjun pressed in closer to Mark’s touch, his lips.

Mark kissed down Renjun’s jaw, nipping at the skin and Renjun gasped at the sensation.

He wasn’t drunk this time, but it all felt still felt heady and intense.

Renjun found himself almost on his back, with Mark on top of him as he kissed the living daylights out of Renjun and Renjun was a writhing mess. He distantly wondered how had Mark learned how to kiss like that.

“Mark,” Renjun gasped out. “We should stop.”

He didn’t want to, and neither did his voice sound very convincing. It was more of a formality more than anything else.

“But we have the house to ourselves sweetheart.” Mark said, in his ear, kissing the skin beneath it right after.

Renjun went red. Mark was the worst.

As if realising that he’d successfully flustered Renjun, Mark smirked against his neck, leaving one last kiss there before drawing back.

“I’m just kidding babe, want to watch a movie?” Mark suggested, smiling at Renjun in a way that screamed that he knew the power he had over Renjun.

Renjun punched him lightly on the chest, but nodded anyway.

And they spent the rest of the evening wrapped in Mark’s blanket, as they watched stupid romcoms and critiqued all of them, their commentary louder than the movie’s dialogues.

And Renjun realised that being around Mark always made him happy.

--

Renjun had a cold.

And he kept wanting to smack Mark because of how apologetic yet amused he looked.

“Damn, getting a cold and showing up with new hickeys, at least stop when one of you is sick.” Donghyuck said, teasing.

Renjun’s hand instinctively flew to his neck, he didn’t remember any new hickeys-

Oh, fuck Donghyuck. Renjun caught him grinning at him.

“Oh, so you did get the cold from Mark after all.” Donghyuck said.

“Ew, can we not talk about this?” Chenle complained.

Renjun just sighed. “We’re not in elementary school Hyuck, shut up.”

Mark was lost, probably thinking about the game again. And Renjun wanted to do something to lessen the stress in Mark’s shoulders.

“Hey guys.” He said, gaining the attention of everyone sitting at the table. “I was thinking, let’s have a party at my place after the game tomorrow.”

Everyone perked up at that.

“Ooh that’s a good idea!” Yangyang said. “But did you really just volunteer to host a party?”

Renjun shrugged, knowing that Yangyang’s disbelief was expected considering how far away Renjun liked to stay away from parties.

“I want to get druuunkkkkkk.” Donghyuck said.

“Idiot.” Jaemin laughed.

Renjun hadn’t failed to notice the weird tension between Jaemin and Jisung.

“But what if we lose?” Mark said, brows furrowed up.

Renjun patted his head. “Even then, we’ll celebrate how hard you guys worked.”

Mark gave him a small smile and Renjun beamed back at him.

“You guys are literally the cutest.” Minjeong gushed.

“If you want any help with the party supplies and stuff, just let me know okay?” Jimin said, with an amicable smile.

And Renjun could see that the other girl always tried to make him feel included and seen, and that she’d been really nice to Renjun so far. It was time Renjun extended an olive branch too.

He smiled. “Help would be great, actually.”

Jimin grinned. “Amazing! I’ll help with whatever I can.”

“Cap, you’ve gotten yourself an amazing boyfriend.” Giselle said.

Mark smiled, squeezing Renjun’s hand. “I do, don’t I?”

“You know, the whole school talked about how cute the two of are together.” Yangyang said. “Two girls in my club wouldn’t stop gushing over how cute Renjun was and how lucky Mark was to be able to be with him.”

“Yeah, same. Even the guys in my physics class are so head over heels for Renjun.” Jaemin chimed in.

“Didn’t we also have two people approach us Chenle?” Jisung asked and Chenle nodded.

“You’re popular now Jun.” Donghyuck teased.

“He really is, someone told me they look forward to seeing Renjun in the cafeteria every day, because he looks cute and kind.” Jeno said, chuckling.

Renjun felt his cheeks and ears heat up profusely.

He knew that that had eventually been the plan from the start but he wasn’t used to so much attention from people.

“Mark really chose the perfect person.” Jimin said, voice soft and fond as she looked at them.

And Renjun cursed himself for the umpteenth time for ever feeling anything negative towards her.

“It’s more like he chose me,” Mark laughed, kissing Renjun’s forehead. “I’m just lucky he did.”

The way Mark had framed it didn’t go unnoticed by Renjun.

“So. who all are invited to this party?” Ningning asked.

“You all, obviously and the team members. If you guys want to invite a few other people, that’s fine too.” Renjun said, trying not to get distracted by Mark’s fingers caressing his nape.

“Let’s have less people,” Jaemin said. “We know you don’t do parties.” He smiled at Renjun and Renjun returned the smile.

“Let’s get the preparations started then!” Jimin chirped, grinning.

--

“You’re hosting a party?” Renjun’s mom looked shocked, “Willingly?”

Renjun rolled his eyes while Chenle laughed. “Having a boyfriend makes you do weird things clearly.” Chenle teased.

He’d asked Chenle before already, if he was okay with the idea of having the party at their house. Chenle had said yes enthusiastically of course.

“It’s not even that big of a deal, it’s just the team and a few other people.” Renjun said.

“Oh, so it’s not because Mark has been stressed and you want him to let loose and have fun?” Chenle asked, smirking.

The audacity.

Renjun forgot sometimes that Chenle could read him like the back of his hand and that there was only so much Renjun could get away with without Chenle calling out his bluff.

It was a miracle that he still hadn’t found out about the fact that Renjun and Mark were fake dating.

“It’s not just that.” Renjun tried, mumbling because he knew there was no point in strongly defending himself.

His mother laughed. “Oh baby, that is so nice of you. Go ahead and have the party, I’ll leave the house to you.”

“It’ll be for a couple of hours-”

“I’ll go away for the night, give you guys time to have fun but by the time I come back in the afternoon next day, I want the house cleaned up.” His mom said, stern but amused.

Renjun and Chenle both saluted. “Yes mom.”

Their mom just ruffled their hair and went into the kitchen.

“So,” Chenle started. “Mom will be gone for the night, you gonna have Mark stay over?” he was still teasing, that little bitch.

Renjun threw the couch cushion at him, cheeks aflame.

--

They won.

Because, obviously they did.

Their team had won with a clear advantage and Renjun wanted to walk up to Mark and shake him by the shoulders and say ‘see! I told you that you were worried for no reason.’

But he just hugged Mark in congratulations and called it a day. He was just glad that Mark would be a little less tensed now.

Except, now he’d be worried about the finals instead.

Renjun shook his head as he set up the last cans of beer on the table, along with some of the other snack that they had.

Jimin came in to the kitchen too. “Okay so, I kept all the things that could be breakable like vases and stuff aside so that no one would accidentally knock them over.”

“Have I told you that you’re a lifesaver?” Renjun said, grateful.

Jimin laughed. “Come on, I’m just trying to rope my best friend’s boyfriend to be best friends with me.” She winked. “We can abandon Mark.”

Renjun chuckled. “I can so imagine the betrayed face Mark would make at that.”

But seriously, Jimin had been such a big help.

She’d made a list of the people who’d been invited and also went ahead and got the snacks that were mostly there at parties like this because Renjun was clearly inexperienced.

Renjun wondered of being an angel was one the pre-requisites of being friends with Mark.

But then he remembered Donghyuck.

“When are the others getting here?” Chenle asked, entering the kitchen too.

The doorbell rang at that moment.

Jimin smiled. “Right about now, I’m guessing.”

And indeed, the moment Renjun opened the door, people came filing in. All of them thanking Renjun for the party.

Mark entered last, Jisung just in front of him as the younger gave Renjun a quick hug and scurried away.

Renjun turned to Mark, smiling. “The arrangements up to your liking, captain?”

Mark laughed. “Yes Jun, thank you so much for doing this. I feel like I keep saying that.”

“Well, what can I say, I love when people are indebted to me.” Renjun teased.

Mark just huffed a laugh. “Uh huh, all that time with Hyuck is rubbing off on you.”

Renjun made a disgusted face at that, dragging a laughing Mark in and closing the door.

“If any of you make any big mess, I’m kicking you out after making you clean it.” Jimin was announcing to everyone. “But that being said, have fun. Congratulations on the win!”

Everybody cheered and Chenle played music that already sounded like Renjun’s ears would burst.

“Seems like Jimin has taken over your house.” Mark remarked, amused.

“Well, better to have someone with more experience do these things.” Renjun replied.

The crowd seemed to have scattered all around the living room and Renjun just hoped that people would stay out of his room.

The last thing he wanted was to see two strangers making out on his bed.

“I think I’m going to drink tonight, you up?” Mark asked.

Renjun shook his head. “No, I’ll pass. You go ahead.” Mark smiled, ruffling his hair before disappearing into the crowd.

Renjun really couldn’t believe how far he’d come in just a few weeks of time.

Jeno snuck up on him. “Hey.”

Renjun jumped in surprise, his face quickly morphing into a smile when he realised it was Jeno.

Jeno smiled, raising his beer in a toast. “Here’s to hoping to a better party experience for you.”

Renjun couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I have a feeling that I’ll be fine.”

Jeno grinned. “Good, I’m glad.”

They talked for a while, just catching up. Renjun found himself laughing a lot, but that was honestly common around Jeno, Renjun never understood why Donghyuck teased him for being unfunny because Jeno was hilarious.

Mark found them after a while and he snaked his arm around Renjun’s waist.

Renjun turned to look at him, Mark’s smile the kind of stiff that only appeared when Jeno was around Renjun.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

“Nothing, we were just talking.” Jeno said, his patent smile on his face.

Mark’s hold on Renjun was loose but Renjun had a feeling it was there to prove something.

Renjun almost felt the urge to laugh at how Mark was being.

The three of them talked between themselves before Chenle came to them.

“Guys, the gang is outside, sitting in the backyard, you guys want to join?”

They all nodded and Renjun was almost glad to have found an exit from the loud music

As expected, the gang was a mess.

Jaemin was yelling back and forth with Minjeong and Ningning looked like she was terrorising Jisung with some story. Jimin and Yangyang seemed to be engrossed in conversation with Giselle speaking up in between.

Donghyuck was kinda just… lying there?

Was he drunk already?

Renjun nudged his side with his foot, laughing when Donghyuck grumbled.

“Are you drunk?” Renjun asked.

“No, actually, I just had an urge to lie down on the grass.”

Definitely tipsy, at least.

Mark and Jeno took a seat on two vacant chairs and Renjun sat between them.

“I was thinking.” Donghyuck said.

“Don’t.” Mark deadpanned.

The whole group burst into laughter.

“Ha ha. Mark, you think you’re so funny.” Donghyuck said.

Mark just hid his smile behind his beer bottle.

“Let’s play a game!” Donghyuck said.

Jisung was the one who groaned. “That is such a bad idea.”

“Why?” Chenle asked.

“I know no party game ends up without a disaster.” Jisung said.

Renjun laughed at that but Jisung was right.

“Everything will be fine baby chick.” Donghyuck placated.

“I already don’t want to play it.” Jimin said, the rest of girls agreeing.

“You haven’t even heard it yet!” Donghyuck pouted.

“Don’t need to, honey.” Jaemin said.

Renjun almost felt bad for Donghyuck. He deserved all this slander honestly but still.

“Okay, what is it? I’m intrigued.” Renjun indulged.

Donghyuck’s eyes immediately sparkled. “Junnie!”

“Go away.”

“Okay so let’s talk about our first kisses!” Donghyuck said, clapping his hands.

Everybody stared at him in silence and mild disbelief.

“That’s,” Mark started. “Not a game.”

Renjun blinked.

Was Donghyuck for real?

“I would say let’s play truth or dare but,” Donghyuck shuddered. “Too many bad memories.”

“Where did this idea come from?” Jisung asked.

Donghyuck shrugged. “I am curious and bad at minding my own business.”

Chenle snorted at that.

“Why would we willingly tell you about our first kisses?” Jeno asked, he looked tired.

“Please~” Donghyuck whined, pouting.

Giselle sighed. “Okay, fuck it. I had my first kiss in last year of middle school. It was not that good of a experience.” She said.

Mark and Jimin laughed. “Yeah, I remember that. You were so weirded out.” Jimin said.

“Kissing girls is infinitely better.” Giselle said, nodding her head.

Renjun smiled.

“But that’s boooring~,” Donghyuck said. “Who’s next?”

“Should I go?” Jaemin said.

“Do you even remember your first kiss?” Jisung said, tone a bit sarcastic.

Renjun gaped. Wow.

Sweet, kind Jisung.

“Whoa dude.” Mark giggled nervously.

Jaemin looked at Jisung for a second before turning back to the group with an unnerving smile. “It was first year of middle school, a guy from my class. We kissed because we were curious.”

Everybody stayed silent.

“That’s,” Minjeong spoke up. “Surprisingly tame of you.”

Jaemin laughed and Jeno shook his head. “Dude, every time I hear that story, I feel surprised too.” Jeno said.

Mark laughed. “I guess he’s making up for the tame first time in all the next times.”

Jaemin winked and shot him a finger gun.

“Junnie, what about you?” Donghyuck asked, cat like grin in place.

Renjun froze when all eyes turned to him.

He had kind of been hoping that he’d not have to answer.

His first kiss?

He’d had one kiss in total before Mark and that had been Jaemin and he didn’t count that as a kiss, so technically it was Mark …

He couldn’t help when his eyes drifted to Mark and Donghyuck gasped.

“Mark was your first kiss?!”

Even Mark’s eyes were widened.

“No!” Renjun almost yelled. “It was Jaemin.”

Jaemin was giving him a smile that made Renjun want to die.

“Now that’s a plot twist if I’ve ever seen one.” Ningning said, amused.

“Dude, this group is so incestuous.” Minjeong said as Jimin laughed gleefully.

“I thought you hated Jaemin!” Chenle protested.

“I do,” Renjun rolled his eyes. “It was a game of spin the bottle.”

“Aw, Jun.” Jaemin cooed. “I was your first kiss?” He already knew that, asshole.

“I will physically incapacitate you.” Renjun deadpanned.

He looked to the side to see both Jeno and Mark staring at him and that lowkey scared him so he turned away immediately.

“Now, that is the kind of story I was expecting when I started this!” Donghyuck looked so happy, it was concerning.

“Who was your first kiss?” Renjun countered.

Donghyuck blinked at him, disoriented.

Aha.

But then he gained his composure back and smiled. “Mark.” He said, dramatically clutching his chest.

What?

“Dude, no I wasn’t.” Mark said. “What the hell?”

Everybody laughed as Donghyuck gasped. “Did you forget already?”

Mark looked a second away from flinging Donghyuck away. “We have never kissed Hyuck.”

“Not for the lack of trying.” Donghyuck sniffled.

Renjun face palmed.

“How did you deal with him?” Chenle asked.

“I didn’t.” Mark sighed.

“Actually, Jimin and I were each other’s first kisses.” Donghyuck said.

Renjun couldn’t help the audible gasp that fell from his lips.

Jimin groaned. “Why would you remind me of such a horrible time.”

“I know right.” Donghyuck looked pained too. “I didn’t know I was gay as fuck back then.”

This just kept getting more and more… interesting?

“I always assumed Jimin’s first kiss was Mark.” Jeno said.

“Me too, actually.” Jaemin agreed.

Even Renjun had somewhere thought that.

Mark looked pained. “Guys can we not talk about me kissing my best friends?”

“What’s wrong with a little kissing between best friends?” Ningning chirped.

“Yeah, Jisung and I have kissed too.” Chenle said nonchalantly.

Everyone’s heads snapped to them and Jisung slapped the back of Chenle’s head, ears burning.

“Lele!”

“What?” Chenle shrugged.

Renjun’s mouth was hung open. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, it was that first time and then a couple more times maybe.” Chenle said. “No big deal.”

Renjun looked at Jaemin to find him looking like something had hit him. He probably expected to know about Jisung’s first kiss.

“I refuse to believe.” Donghyuck said.

“What?” Jisung asked.

“That you’ve kissed already!” Donghyuck said, almost crawling to the chair Jisung was sitting in.

He’d never gotten around to getting up from the floor.

He popped his chin on Jisung’s knee. “Like, no offense, you’re attractive but you’re too innocent.”

Donghyuck’s tone was teasing at best, but Renjun saw something dangerous flash in Jisung’s eyes before he raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” He cupped Donghyuck’s chin.

Renjun did not like the direction in which this was going but a look around the circle proved that everyone else was enjoying this way too much.

Except Jaemin.

Donghyuck hummed, a bit mocking. “It is.”

And then Jisung leaned down, capturing Donghyuck’s lips in a kiss making everyone gasp.

Chenle was clapping in sheer glee.

Donghyuck kissed back equally as fervent, and it dawned upon Renjun that he’d wanted this outcome all along.

Jisung looked a bit disoriented when the kiss broke, a dazed look in his eyes.

“You’re a good kisser, what the fuck.” Donghyuck mumbled, his cheeks were burning.

Renjun couldn’t believe that Jisung had rendered Donghyuck blushing.

“It’s always the innocent ones.” Jimin mumbled almost in awe.

Renjun chanced a look at Jaemin. The other looked…

Mad?

Frustrated?

Sad?

What was that emotion?

He abruptly stood up. “I’m going to go get a drink.”

He walked briskly into the house.

Jeno sighed. “I’ll go with him.” He followed Jaemin.

“Let’s all go back to the party.” Renjun suggested.

“Yeah.” Mark agreed.

They all dispersed.

Jisung looked a bit taken aback at Jaemin’s reaction so Renjun ruffled his hair. “It’ll be fine kiddo.”

They went back into the house.

--

Renjun found himself standing a bit far away from the chaos in the living room but not completely out of sight.

He hadn’t seen Jaemin since the backyard incident.

Jeno met his eyes from across the room. Renjun smiled at him.

Mark appeared by his side at that time. “Jeno and you are getting close.”

His tone was casual but it would take more than that to fool Renjun.

“He knows we’re fake dating.” Renjun blurted for some reason.

He looked at Mark and the other’s eyes widened before he became normal. “Oh.” He shrugged. “Okay.”

“Yeah.” Renjun nodded, a little apologetic at the fact that he’d told Jeno without Mark knowing but it hadn’t been planned or whatever.

The silence those two were in just sounded heavy to Renjun’s ears.

“So,” He tried. “That was quite a spectacle outside.”

Mark chuckled. “Yeah. It was. I didn’t know Jisung out of all people would be able to fall in step with Donghyuck.”

“True.” Renjun said.

Nobody spoke again.

Renjun sighed. “Mark, can I ask you something?”

Mark looked at him. “Yeah.”

“Why do you get so weird when Jeno is around? Like, you’re normal and then Jeno and I talk and it’s like you don’t know how to act.” It had been eating at Renjun for weeks now. How Mark’s behaviour changed when Jeno was around Renjun.

Mark looked a bit surprised at Renjun’s direct question before his eyes sharpened. “It’s not like that.”

Renjun felt a bit frustrated. “Then what is it like, Mark?”

Mark looked at Renjun and he was so eerily calm that Renjun lost his footing for a second.

But Mark also looked a bit amused as if Renjun’s temper tantrum was almost … cute.

“What?” Renjun snapped.

Mark leaned in a bit closer to him. “You want to know what it’s like, Jun?” His voice was soft and smug.

Renjun gulped. Did he?

“Yes.” Renjun hated how his voice quivered a bit at that.

Mark leaned his body completely towards Renjun, caging him in. Renjun had been against the wall anyway.

Mark’s hand came to rest beside Renjun’s head on the wall.

There was minimal distance between them.

“It’s like, every time he’s around, it’s obvious that he wants you,” Mark crooned, and Renjun wanted to protest right away but he didn’t. “And god, how I wish I could show him that you’re not his to want.”

Renjun’s breath hitched at the words Mark whispered in his ear, their bodies were pressed together.

“Wish I could show him how well you react to me baby. The sinful way you moan my name.” Mark continued, his voice downright sinful and Renjun couldn’t help but feel his breaths quickening, eyes closing on their own accord. “Look at you, Renjun.” Mark pressed a kiss to Renjun’s pulse point on his neck. “You’re a mess already and I’m barely even touching you.”

Renjun let out a small whimper at that, his eyes opening as he looked back into Mark’s eyes, which looked pitch black.

“You think he’s watching us baby?” Mark said, his hand ghosting along Renjun’s waist and Renjun didn’t know whether to like or hate the way Mark knew his body this well already.

“I don’t know.” Renjun said, almost dazed.

“Well, I sure hope he is.” Mark said before diving in to kiss Renjun passionately.

But before Renjun could kiss him back, Mark was breaking the kiss and leaning away completely.

He was perfectly composed and almost smug. “You see how it is now Renjun?”

Renjun nodded, still panting.

Mark smiled and flicked his forehead. “Good.”

And then he walked away, not before giving Renjun a wink while Renjun was stood there, panting against the wall with a blush that went down to his chest.

That fucking tease.

He managed to look up almost in time to see Jeno tear his eyes away from him.

Fuck.

He had been watching.

--

Renjun didn’t get the time to get back at Mark for what he pulled after that because he was pulled into a conversation with Yangyang, Chenle and Jisung. When they were done talking, the party was winding up.

Jimin came up to Renjun. “Nothing broke, all the alcohol’s finished and the leftover food is in containers.” She mock saluted and grinned.

Renjun was so grateful that he could cry and he held Jimin’s hands in his. “I really would have had three breakdowns at least if you hadn’t helped me with the party.” He hoped the sincerity showed in his eyes.

Jimin laughed. “Oh, come on, what are friends for?”

Renjun smiled at her.

“Most of them have left and I’m leaving with the girls too, do you need help with anything?”

Renjun shook his head. “You’ve done enough already. Go and get a good night’s sleep. Chenle and I can manage everything else.”

Jimin nodded. “Okay then, good night Renjun.”

Renjun saw them off and then Yangyang and Donghyuck were leaving too.

“Hey, where are Jeno and Jaemin?” Renjun asked them to which they both shrugged.

“Don’t know, I think Jaemin left already and Jeno followed him.” Donghyuck replied.

“Okay.” Renjun said and then bid them goodbye too.

He came into the living room to see Jisung and Chenle lying on the couch, it was obvious that Jisung was still disturbed. Renjun went up to him and caressed his hair. “Are you staying the night Ji?”

Jisung looked at Renjun. “Can I?

“Yeah sure, whatever you need.” Renjun offered a smile that he hoped was kind.

“Yeah, I think that will be for the best.” Chenle agreed.

They were interrupted by Mark clearing his throat.

Renjun had almost forgotten that Mark hadn’t left yet.

“Go to your boyfriend, I’ll take care of Jisung.” Chenle said, waving him off with an amused smile.

Renjun blushed and went to the hallway with Mark anyway.

“So,” Mark said. “I guess it’s time for me to go.”

Is Mark going to stay the night?

Chenle’s question from yesterday rang in Renjun’s ears.

He knew that he could ask Mark to just stay back, but he didn’t know if that was appropriate.

He really didn’t want Mark to leave just yet though.

Renjun bit his lip in consideration and Mark’s eyes followed the movement.

“You could like,” Renjun said. “Stay for a while.”

“Are you sure?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, we could just chill for a bit.”

Renjun wanted to die. There’s no way they wouldn’t make out if they were to go into Renjun’s room right now.

The undercurrent of tension from Mark’s previous actions was still in the air.

“Okay, I’ll stay for a while.” Mark said, a soft smile on his face.

Renjun nodded, climbing the stairs to his room with Mark following.

He felt nervous, but also excited?

But mostly like he wanted to get back at Mark for what he did.

Renjun entered his room, switching on the lights.

“Whoa, your room is pretty.” Mark exclaimed, in awe.

Renjun preened internally at the praise, he’d put in a lot of effort into designing his room.

“Thank you.” Renjun answered.

Mark looked around his room while Renjun stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, he didn’t know how to act when a boy was in his room.

“These lights are pretty.” Mark said, pointing at the fairy lights that Renjun had put around the top of the mirror, it had a few polaroids hanging to it.

Renjun walked up to the mirror. “Yeah, this is my favourite thing about the room too.” He smiled, looking at the photos.

He could feel Mark’s eyes on the side of his face and the he could feel him moving.

Mark came behind Renjun, encircling his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.

Renjun tried not to blush, he loved when Mark did that.

They were standing right in front of the mirror and Renjun could see Mark’s eyes meeting his in it.

He felt weirdly shy seeing the way he looked with Mark’s arms around him and he couldn’t help but distantly think how good they looked together.

“Don’t we look good together?” Mark asked, his voice gentle.

Renjun blushed and ducked his face, unable to maintain the eye contact anymore.

“Yeah.” He said and felt Mark’s hand come up to his chin as he raised it up to face the mirror again and then kissed his neck.

And something about seeing Mark kiss Renjun’s neck drove him absolutely crazy.

As if knowing the effect it was having on Renjun, Mark continued to press kisses to his neck.

“Mark-” Renjun said in a choked-up gasp but then he turned around and kissed Mark.

Mark immediately held him closer, kissing him back. This had been a long time coming, honestly.

Renjun lightly pushed Mark back towards the bed till he was sitting on the bed, looking up at Mark with dazed eyes.

Renjun was going to dive in again when he heard footsteps and he realised they’d never gotten around to locking the door.

He speed walked to the door, closing it and locking it before coming back to the bed.

Mark pulled him by his waist and Renjun kissed him again, having to bed downward as Mark was sitting and he was still standing.

Fuck it.

He straddled Mark, his legs in either side of Mark’s thighs as he sat on his lap.

Mark gasped into the kiss as if not expecting it.

Renjun kissed him even more fervently, with a passion he didn’t think he could muster.

And then he kissed down Mark’s jaw, holding Mark’s hands with his own so that he couldn’t touch him.

He kissed Mark’s neck, sucking bruises into the pale skin, hearing Mark moan and let out small gasps of pleasure.

He kissed down to Mark’s collarbone too, he couldn’t get enough.

He could feel Mark getting turned on by this and Renjun smirked before leaning away.

Mark was breathing hard. “Fuck Jun, why’d you stop?”

Renjun hummed, tracing Mark’s lip with his finger. “What if I just left you like this?” His voice just a little teasing.

Mark’s eyes widened a fraction but also darkened.

“What if I let you walk out like this and let people see that I’m not the only one who gets affected.” Renjun whispered.

Mark gulped.

“I think I quite like you like this captain,” Renjun said. “Completely at my mercy.”

Renjun felt drunk on the power he had on Mark, especially sitting on Mark’s lap like this.

“Renjun,” Mark almost whined. “Please.”

Renjun felt his lips twitch. “Please what baby?”

“I’ll be good.” Mark said, but he didn’t look submissive at all. The hunger in his eyes sending a shiver down Renjun’s spine.

So, he leaned in and kissed Mark again and Mark took this opportunity to switch their positions so that Renjun was in the bed with Mark on top of him.

Renjun gasped.

“Babe, as much as you being a little mean to me is hot as fuck,” Mark said, mouthing at Renjun’s neck. “I want you like this more.”

He pushed Renjun’s t-shirt up a bit and kissed his stomach that had Renjun writhing and gasping.

“Fuck,” He couldn’t help but moan.

“The sounds you make Jun.” Mark said. “You drive me crazy, fuck.”

Renjun pulled Mark up to kiss him again, as Mark held Renjun’s thighs and had them encircle his waist.

Renjun rolled his eyes back in pleasure when Mark grinded down in the position.

Mark groaned as well.

Renjun had a stark realisation that if this went on, they’d end up having sex.

And …

It would be Renjun’s first time.

And with even more of a shock, he realised that he didn’t mind that at all.

He wanted Mark to be his first time.

But maybe he’d frozen for a second because Mark leaned away. “Baby, you want to stop?”

Renjun blushed at the nickname even though it was not the first time Mark had called him that. “Are we going to have sex?”

Mark smiled softly and caressed Renjun’s hair. “Do you want to?”

“It would be my first time.” Renjun shyly confessed.

Mark looked surprised. “Really?”

Renjun nodded.

Mark leaned down to kiss him on his forehead. “Then we shouldn’t do it.”

“But why?” Renjun whined.

“Because you deserve your first time to be special.” Mark said.

“But you’re special.” Renjun pouted.

Fuck.

He’d really said that.

Mark smiled. “Baby, but I’m also a bit tipsy and I don’t want you to have drunken sex the first time around.”

“Does it being my first time bother you?” Renjun said, quiet.

Mark cupped his chin. “Hey hey love, look at me.” Renjun looked up. “Not at all, it doesn’t, okay?”

And then with a little more desperation in his voice, he continued. “You don’t know how bad I want you Jun, but it’s just not a good idea to do it right now.”

And his voice was so kind and sincere, that Renjun believed him.

It was also a bit touching to know that Mark cared this much about his first time.

“Okay, but can we keep making out?” Renjun asked.

Mark chuckled. “Sure baby.”

--

“So, are you going to help me or are you just going to be dazed the whole time?” Chenle asked, unamused. 

Renjun regained his focus and started clearing up the tables.

“I didn’t actually think you’d ask Mark to stay over.” Chenle was grinning.

Renjun blushed. He hadn’t thought that either but both of them had been entangled after the make out session, dopey and tired and Renjun had fallen asleep to Mark humming softly while he caressed Renjun’s hair.

Needless to say, Mark had fallen asleep too.

“We didn’t plan for it to happen.” Renjun reasoned.

Chenle shrugged. “I mean, I don’t mind an extra pair of hands cleaning this mess.”

Renjun chuckled.

That was true. They had put both Mark and Jisung on cleaning the backyard duty.

Most of the mess was cleared up in the house, and Renjun was glad that he wouldn’t be chewed out by his mother. He’d call the party a success, all things considered.

“He makes you happy, doesn’t he?” Chenle said, his back towards Renjun as he cleared up the last of the plates.

Renjun smiled. “He does.”

“I’m glad,” Chenle said and then hesitated. “And hey?”

“Yeah?”

“I know it must feel a little intimidating when Jimin’s Mark’s best friend but I just want to tell you not to worry. Ningning told me that they are like siblings.” Chenle was resolutely not looking at Renjun.

Renjun fought the urge to coo. Chenle must have noticed Renjun feeling weird about Jimin even if he didn’t say anything to him and he didn’t have a problem with Jimin anymore but it was still good to know that Chenle had cared.

“It doesn’t bother me anymore Lele, but thank you.” Renjun said, ruffling Chenle’s hair just to hear him squeak.

“Go away.” Chenle mumbled.

Renjun smiled to himself. His baby brother could be cute sometimes.

“Guys, the backyard’s spotless now.” Jisung announced, looking like he’d run a marathon, Mark following behind him looking the same.

“Good work guys,” Renjun laughed. “I’ll get you both something to drink.”

Both of them collapsed on the couch, thanking Renjun when he got them each a can of soda.

 “Jaehyun’s coming today with Sicheng.” Chenle said, looking at his phone. “Mom just texted me.”

Renjun really couldn’t catch a break.

Except things with Jaehyun had not been giving him anxiety anymore so he didn’t mind.

“Oh really? When?” Renjun asked.

“They’ll be here soon, apparently there’s also a guest.” Chenle said.

“We should get out of your hair then.” Jisung suggested.

Mark nodded.

“Not really, I told Mom both of you are here and now she’s probably picking up ingredients to make your favourite food for lunch.” Chenle deadpanned.

Renjun laughed. “That is probably what she’s doing.”

“Dang,” Mark smiled. “Well, I’d do anything for another one of her home-cooked meals.”

“Same.” Jisung said and they high fived.

“I’m starting to think that you guys are around us for the food.” Renjun teased.

Mark cheekily grinned at him. “It’s also your charming personality babe.”

Renjun just rolled his eyes, a blush still intact on his cheeks.

Waking up next to Mark had been … experience. Renjun hadn’t known what to do and when the flashes of their make out from last night came back, Renjun had wanted to go and hide.

He couldn’t believe he’d just straight up told Mark that he wanted his first time to be with him.

He still stood by it though of course, but what the fuck.

Mark had been as sweet as ever when he woke up, kissing Renjun’s temple and wishing him a good morning before asking him how he’d slept.

And now they were here, and Renjun felt unexplainably shy around the other boy.

“Jisung was freaking out last night.” Chenle announced. “He thinks Jaemin is mad at him, I say Jaemin is stupid and has no right to be.”

Jisung face palmed.

Renjun nodded. “I agree, if Jaemin’s mad, he needs to sort some shit out. It’s not your responsibility Ji.”

“Yeah, not after he just hooks up with the first person he finds at parties,” Mark nervously giggled. “It would be unfair for him to have anything to say about Hyuck and you kissing.”

“That was wild though.” Chenle snickered.

“I don’t even know why I did that.” Jisung whined, hiding his face in the pillow.

It was a stark contrast to the Jisung who’d kissed Donghyuck last night.

“You gave Donghyuck a run for his money,” Mark patted Jisung’s knee. “I have mad respect for you.”

Renjun and Chenle cackled at that.

Jisung couldn’t help but shoot them a smile too.

--

“My babies!” Renjun heard his mom say when the door opened.

And then she was entering the living room, beaming. “I am so glad you’re back Mark.”

Mark smiled at her, returning the hug she gave him.

“Of course Mrs. Kim, I had to be back.”

She smiled at them, and ruffled Jisung’s hair.

“I hope you kids had fun.”

“We did!” Chenle said.

“The house looks clean enough so good job.” His mom said, teasing.

“Do you know hard it is to have high schoolers not break something?” Renjun complained. “It’s like a battlezone.”

“Oh, honey, trust me I know.” She eyed Chenle as she said that and everyone laughed.

“I brought guests!” She said. “And Sicheng.”

“I felt like chopped liver just now.” Sicheng deadpanned, appearing beside their mom.

Renjun couldn’t help but feel giddy, it was always nice when Sicheng came back from Uni on the weekends, Renjun liked having the older around. Sicheng had always been a comfort space since Renjun had been child.

His attention was taken away from Sicheng by two men appearing behind their mom too, one of which was Jaehyun who looked as handsome as ever – really, why was Renjun even surprised at this point- but what caught his eye was the man beside him.

He was … beautiful. Wow.

What.

His eyes were the most beautiful kind Renjun had ever seen, his face was all sharp lines but he somehow looked soft, welcoming. He was smiling at something Jaehyun said and it was such a beautiful smi-

Renjun couldn’t believe he was having a crisis in the middle of his house.

“Whoa, what the fuck.” He heard Mark exclaim from beside him.

And uhm, yeah.

Same.

The said man turned, his smile now directed at all of them.

“Hey guys, I’m Yuta.”

All of their eyes snapped to Jaehyun at the same moment and Jaehyun’s just snapped away from theirs, ears a tomato red.

Yuta seemed to have caught onto it as he laughed, putting an arm around Jaehyun’s waist. “Jaehyun’s boyfriend.”

Renjun almost gasped in shock. Jaehyun had finally confessed!

To the most beautiful human on this planet, apparently.

Chenle did gasp. “Oh wow, he works fast.” He mumbled and flinched when Jisung elbowed him.

“Yeah, I thought I’d bring him over this time, he said he missed Sicheng anyway.” Jaehyun smiled.

“I’m glad you brought him over.” Renjun’s mom smiled warmly. “You kids talk, I’ll go get started on lunch.”

They all sat down on the couch, and Renjun couldn’t help but notice how much brighter the room looked with so many people in it.

He liked it.

Jaehyun introduced Renjun and Chenle to Yuta, Jisung too and when he reached Mark, Yuta gasped.

“Oh, you are Mark! Jae kept praising you every time he talked about time from back home. You’re so cute.” Yuta almost cooed.

Renjun couldn’t help but find Mark’s blush endearing. “Uh…”

“Sorry, Mark is just awkward.” Chenle chirped. “You said Yuta wanted to visit because he missed Sicheng?”

“Yeah, Yuta’s obsessed with Sicheng.” Jaehyun laughed.

Sicheng huffed. “How many years till that joke becomes old?”

“Sichengie~” Yuta whined, pouting.

“Are we really going to pretend Yuta didn’t have a crush on you first?” Jaehyun rolled his eyes, amused.

“We’re open by the way, so if you ever want to join.” Yuta winked.

Sicheng threw a pillow at him.

Renjun chuckled, watching his normally passive brother being this frustrated was just amusing.

He chanced a look to his side and almost burst out laughing at how whipped Mark and Jisung looked for Yuta.

Jisung’s eyes stopped at Yuta’s piercings for a second before he blinked and went red, and Mark just looked like he would worship the ground Yuta walks on at any given moment.

Seems like the guys Renjun had liked clearly had a type.

“You have a lot of piercings.” Chenle said, he just looked interested in Yuta.

“I do.” Yuta chuckled.

“I always look at him and feel like why would you put yourself in pain like that,” Sicheng sighed. “Especially getting your navel pierced?”

Renjun felt his eyebrows raise.

“This just keeps getting worse.” Mark mumbled quietly.

The moment Yuta was out of earshot when he went to receive a call, all of them turned to Jaehyun gawking.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Mark said, his voice sounded funny.

“What?” Jaehyun asked, innocent.

“Who was going to warn us?” Jisung was the one who hissed.

“I told you guys that he’s hot.” Jaehyun shrugged.

“I don’t think ‘hot’ cuts it, clearly.” Renjun chimed in.

“I don’t get the big deal…” Sicheng mumbled. “Yuta’s kind of dumb.”

“You’ve acted hard to get so much in your life that now it’s a part of your personality.” Chenle said.

Jaehyun cackled as Sicheng glared at Chenle.

Renjun bit down the urge to smile.

“I cannot believe you’re dating someone that attractive,” Mark sounded dazed. “But good for you man.”

“You are so whipped, it’s funny.” Renjun said to Mark.

“Yeah, I’ve never felt this gay in my life before.”

Yuta’s head popped in at that moment, smiling.

“What did I miss?”

--

Having Yuta around for lunch was fun.

The other man had wild stories from his life and an even wilder way of narrating them, Renjun had a suspicion that a lot of what Yuta was saying were made up lies but everyone around him seemed to be really interested with it so Renjun indulged it too.

It was amusing, to say the least, to see Mark and Jisung hanging onto each and every word Yuta said, the older man had caught onto the attention and was preening under it. The only person on the table who didn’t look that affected by Yuta was Sicheng, and Renjun found himself biting back a smile every time Yuta made up some exaggerated story and Sicheng rolled his eyes.

“How did you and Jaehyun end up together?” Renjun’s mom asked. “The last we checked, he was too much of a mess to even talk to you.”

Jaehyun blushed and Yuta chuckled heartily. “I had realised that Jaehyun probably had feelings for me or something and was waiting for him to say something but then he didn’t, and I got impatient so I confessed instead.”

“It was the most unromantic thing ever.” Jaehyun deadpanned.

“You can’t still be mad about that.” Yuta gasped.

Renjun smiled. Those two looked good for each other. Renjun hadn’t known Yuta that long but he knew this much, Yuta was a good guy, he seemed honest and kind and Renjun could almost see him and Jaehyun being together forever.

He was happy for them.

Before they knew it, lunch was over and Yuta and Jaehyun had to leave. Yuta was spending the rest of the day with Jaehyun’s family.

“Ooh, meeting the parents already?” Chenle teased.

Yuta laughed. “What can I say, I’m going to be whipped for this boy for a long, long time. So why delay it?”

Jaehyun blushed and shook his head, exasperated but fond.

“Dude, it was so good to meet you.” Mark said.

“The pleasure was all mine, Markie.” Yuta gave Mark a side hug.

He turned to Renjun next, his smile still in place. “You didn’t talk much at all. Alike to Sicheng in some ways huh?” He laughed.

Renjun smiled, shy. “Well, I guess.”

“It was good to meet you Renjun, Sicheng talked about his baby brothers all the time. The only times we actually saw him be excited about something.” Yuta said, chuckling.

Sicheng looked one second away from throwing Yuta out the window.

Renjun laughed.

Yuta and Jaehyun left, bidding goodbyes to everyone.

“Some people are really like a whirlwind.” Jisung looked winded.

“You’re friends with Chenle man, I thought you were used to that.” Mark joked.

They all laughed at the offended gasp Chenle let out.

“Come to the dining table if any of you boys want dessert!” Renjun heard his mother yell.

The other three almost went running to the dining table, Renjun following behind, smiling.

--

Renjun wondered what gods were offended (or maybe, overjoyed?) with him that he found Mark in his room again within the same day.

The only reason he felt a bit nervous was because of what had happened – almost happened- last night when they’d been here together. Neither Mark nor Renjun had mentioned it ever since but now, it has started raining unexpectedly outside so Renjun’s mom had suggested that Mark stay till the rain lets up and they were both here, in Renjun’s room.

Renjun distantly wondered if his walls really were closing in on him or if it was just his nerves.

Mark broke the silence with a chuckle. “I can see the stiffness in your body from here Jun.”

Renjun froze. Had he been that obvious?

He floundered nervously. “I’m fine, I don’t know why-”

Mark walked up to him, and gently cupped his face. “Hey, it’s just me, yeah?” He said, gentle. “Don’t feel like we have to do or talk about anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Renjun had already known that but the verbal confirmation from Mark made his shoulders sag in relief. He nodded.

“I don’t ever want you to feel a semblance of discomfort around me Renjun.” Mark smiled, ruffling Renjun’s hair.

Yeah.

As far as fake boyfriends go, Renjun couldn’t believe his luck.

“You’re going to raise my standards for men if you continue to be like this.” Renjun mumbled, settling down on the bed comfortably and patting the spot next to him for Mark to sit.

Mark laughed as he took a seat next to Renjun, their thighs brushing against each other. “Well, I hope you don’t settle for less, ever.”

Renjun wanted to argue, say that who would Renjun find who’d be better than Mark at understanding him and seeing him, people like Mark rarely came around and that was the harsh truth. Renjun wanted to argue that maybe he’d always have to settle for less, now that he’d gone and seen how well someone could actually treat him, but instead, he kept mum.

“You don’t know how assuring it is that at least one of my past crushes isn’t an absolute disaster.” Renjun laughed. “I mean, Jeno and Jaehyun are fine, but Jaemin and Donghyuck are batshit crazy but you’re the balance.”

Mark smiled, amused. “What about Jisung?”

Renjun waved dismissively. “He’s my baby.”

“I wonder what’s going to happen between him and Nana now,” Mark sighed. “Jeno told me that Jaemin’s been kind of a mess except he still refuses to acknowledge his feelings.”

“I mean, I kind of get it? Jaemin probably conditioned himself into thinking that he was supposed to be seeing Jisung as a younger brother figure,” Renjun reasoned. “But still, he’s being very stupid.”

Mark nodded. “I just hope he gets his shit together, it’ll kill both him and Jisung if they lost their bond over this.”

Renjun made a mental note to talk to Jaemin at least once, Renjun wasn’t all that close to the boy but maybe that’s what he needed, an outside opinion.

It helped Renjun in times he was confused, he could only hope that it’d help Jaemin too.

“So, I am glad I moved on from that crush.” Renjun shuddered at the possibility of still having a crush on Jaemin. That would just be weird.

Mark laughed. “What did you even write in the letters to the others? Were they similar to mine?” Mark’s tone was nonchalant but his eyes were a bit curious.

“They were all a little different, based on how the crush was,” Renjun started, it felt weird to be analysing his love letters but well, weirder things have happened. “And obviously my writing skills improved as I grew up.” He snorted.

“Well, in that case, I must have received the most eloquent letter.” Mark joked.

Renjun felt his ears heat up. “I don’t know, that’s for you to decide.” He looked away from Mark, focusing on the bookshelf in front of him.

Mark hummed. “Do you even remember what you wrote in those letters?”

Renjun knew that it would be normal to not have remembered what you wrote in letters that you wrote years ago but he still took great offense to the fact that Mark had thought that.

“I do, actually.” He said, a bit smug and a bit haughty. “I remember all the letters I wrote by heart.”

Renjun used to read his letters quite often, so much so that he’d actually mended Jaehyun’s address from his home address here in Portland to his dorm address after he’d moved.

He knew all his letters by heart and it would be slightly embarrassing to admit this to anyone but this was Mark, and so it was okay.

Mark looked surprised, his eyebrow raised. “Really?”

Renjun nodded.

“Even mine?”

Renjun chuckled. “Yes Mark, even yours.”

Mark’s had been the last one he wrote, so he obviously remembered it.

Mark’s face lit up with a shy, unsure smile. “Could you narrate it to me?”

It was Renjun’s turn to look surprised. That was not what he had expected out of this conversation.

“Is this a test?” Was all Renjun said.

Mark laughed. “No no! I just really liked your letter even when I first got it and maybe I want to heat it on your voice?” As if realising it sounded weird, Mark flinched. “I mean, you don’t have to do it!”

Renjun felt shy, the prospect of anyone reading his letters has been daunting, still was, but narrating one?

It felt even more daunting.

But Renjun thought fuck it and shrugged.

“I’ll narrate it.”

Mark’s head snapped up in his direction. “Really?”

Renjun giggled. A shocked Mark was cute.

“Yeah. Feel free to stop me in the middle if it gets too cringey.” Renjun said.

And he couldn’t help but think that this was some kind of a big proof of how much he’d come to trust Mark, sure, Mark had read the letter already but that had been without Renjun’s knowledge and for him to sit here, in his room, ready to bare his heart out to this boy, Renjun couldn’t help but think that it was something special.

He'd really grown to trust Mark, enough to show him a vulnerable part of him.

Renjun inhaled deeply and began, the words familiar on his tongue even though he’d never said them out loud, “Dear Mark,”

He smiled, focusing on his duvet and thinking of the day he’d written the letter as he continued. “I saw you at the orientation today, you were wearing a simple blue t-shirt and jeans and I couldn’t help but notice how cute you were,” He chuckled, Mark did look cute that day but then again he always did.

“You helped me get out a situation that was uncomfortable for me and smiled at me kindly as you told me to contact you if I needed any help and you were so sincere, with eyes so kind and welcoming that I believed you. For a moment, the high school didn’t feel so foreign anymore because I felt secure with the knowledge that you’d be here.” Renjun bit his lip, looking back, it felt stupid to have developed so many feelings towards a stranger in a first meeting but Mark was Mark after all, there’s not a lot Renjun could’ve done to prevent it.

“I don’t know you, but I think you’re kind, sweet and nice to everyone. I think you’re the kind to remember your friends’ coffee orders and what kind of movies they like. I think you’re the kind to be supportive and understanding. You seem lovely Mark and in that one moment, I wished I’d get to know you more, maybe in the future to see if any of my above assumptions were true,” They all were. Renjun knew Mark now and he was all that and more.

“I wouldn’t call what I have for you a crush just yet, but I do admire you. Maybe I’m stupid to think this after meeting you for two minutes but you’ve exuded more comfort in those two minutes than a lot of people would care to in months. You seem like the kind of person people write about in books, and this will never reach you but I hope wherever you are, life treats you kindly,” Renjun exhaled once.

“Thank you for being the reason I didn’t let go of the hope of finding good people in high school, I’ll always remember you.” Wow. That was a ride. Renjun didn’t actually think that he’d be able to finish the whole letter but he had, somehow.

He dared to look up at Mark and his expression struck something in Renjun. The moment they were suspended in felt fragile, gentle. Unlike anything Renjun had ever felt before.

He gulped, partly in nervousness and partly in anticipation. He didn’t want to say anything, afraid that he’d break the moment.

But Mark beat him to it anyway.

“Fuck, Renjun, please let me kiss you.” Mark said, his voice was a bit breathy.

Renjun nodded before the statement even fully settle in his head. He wanted Mark to kiss him.

It didn’t take Mark even a second to descend his lips on Renjun’s, his hands cradling Renjun’s face gently. Mark kissed him softly, like he’d break if he kissed him any harder. But there was so much passion in it that Renjun found his hands clutching Mark’s shirt tight.

Mark sucked on his bottom lip and Renjun’s mouth fell open in a gasp, letting Mark in. Ever since kissing Mark that first time, it was like a dam had broken, Renjun kept wanting to kiss Mark, to let him take and take and take from Renjun till he had nothing left to give.

And Mark did kiss like that, like he would ravish Renjun, like Renjun was the only person in the world, like he’d do this for the rest of his life if he could.

They broke the kiss only when their lungs started burning from the lack of oxygen, their foreheads touching as they panted.

“Mark,” Renjun said, fuck, he sounded winded already. “I meant what I said last night.”

Renjun hoped Mark understood what he was referring to, and judging by how Mark’s face flashed with something dark and his eyes grew sharper, he probably did.

“Renjun,” Mark said, caressing Renjun’s bottom lip. “Are you sure?”

Renjun was. He’d thought about it all morning, he hadn’t said it last night because he was in the moment or whatever. He’d meant it. He wanted Mark to be his first time even if they weren’t really dating. Renjun had always thought of his first time to be with someone who’s understand him and would care about his pleasure and make sure it was good for Renjun too and Renjun could not for the life of him think anyone would be better than Mark in that category.

Love wasn’t a necessity for Renjun, and Mark was as good as it got.

“Baby,” Mark crooned, pressing kisses all over Renjun’s face. “It would be an honour.”

Renjun couldn’t help but hide his face in Mark’s shoulder.

Mark laughed, pulling him from there and kissing him again, this time when Mark broke the kiss only to lay Renjun down on the bed carefully, Renjun detected nothing but fondness in his eyes.

And he knew he’d made the right decision.

“Tell me anytime you want to stop, okay?” Mark said, kissing his knuckles.

Renjun doubted that he would want to.

He pulled Mark closer by his collar. “I want you.” He whispered against Mark’s lips.

Mark cursed softly under his breath. “Baby, you’re making this me wanting to take it slow thing really hard.” Mark sounded a bit pained.

Renjun smiled. “Then maybe don’t? I’ll let you know if anything’s too much Mark,” He kissed Mark’s cheek. “But besides that, I trust you.”

Mark closed his eyes for a second. “You’re going to be the death of me.” He mumbled but then his eyes were opening, darker than Renjun had ever seen before.

And Renjun barely got time to say anything back before Mark was caging him in and kissing him hard. Renjun closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the feeling.

--

When Renjun woke up, he was hot, wrapped up in something that emanated warmth. The sun had set outside, and the room was dark with only the light from the street lamps outside spilling in from the windows. The rain had long since let up, Mark was still here.

Renjun was pretty sure the blush was still prominent on his cheeks and down his chest, he felt bashful yet giddy with some sort of excitement.

It had been … amazing.

Renjun hadn’t had very high hopes for the first time he would have sex, he knew that it seldom was as perfect as in movies and books, he knew it could be awkward and a bit messy. But Mark had taken such good care of him, constantly searching Renjun’s face for any sort of discomfort, only continuing when he found nothing but pleasure in his expression. He had been gentle, infuriatingly so at some points, as he had made sure to murmur praises into Renjun’s ear and kiss every part of his body.

He sighed happily, nuzzling into Mark’s chest again. He heard a small rumble of laughter from above him and Mark’s hand came to caress Renjun’s hair. “Hey.”

Renjun hummed. “Hi.”

“How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Renjun said, chuckling softly. “But like, in a good way.”

Mark chuckled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He teased, he sounded tired too but also fond.

Renjun smiled. “It is. You were amazing,” He pressed a kiss to Mark’s chest, feeling his breath stutter for a moment. “Thank you.”

Mark cupped his cheeks and raised his face to look at him. “Thank you, Jun. for trusting me.”

Renjun leaned forward and kissed Mark’s jaw.

Mark’s soft smile when leaned back was Renjun’s most favourite thing in the whole world.

“So how much do you think your mom and Chenle would tease us about this?” Mark said, amused.

Renjun groaned. There was no way those two wouldn’t know that they had had sex. Mark was supposed to leave hours ago and he was still here, that was a dead giveaway.

“I don’t know, but they’ll be nice enough to you. But Sicheng’s here this weekend, so I might get spared.” Renjun said.

Mark laughed. “I’ll hope you do.”

Renjun sighed, pouting. “Is it time for you to leave?”

He knew realistically that Mark had to go home, that it was getting late and he’d practically been at Renjun’s house since last evening but he didn’t want to let go of Mark just yet, feeling more clingy than usual.

Mark indulged his behaviour and even looked apologetic. “I have to, baby. It’s getting late and I have early practice again tomorrow. I’d stay with you as long as you wanted otherwise.” In Mark’s defence, he did look almost as sad as Renjun at the prospect of leaving.

But Renjun sighed and nodded. “I get it, go be a responsible captain.”

Mark grinned and kissed Renjun’s forehead. “You’re the best.”

--

Renjun felt like he was floating the entirety of the rest of the weekend.

Chenle almost seemed scared of how hard to ruffle Renjun had been the entire time, he’d been smiling too much, according to Chenle.

Renjun knew that there were somethings that had changed over the course of this weekend and he needed to unpack it, but he wanted to bask in this afterglow as long as possible.

Mark had been as sweet as ever since then, checking up on Renjun whenever he had a break from practice and when he went back home, even if he was dead tired. Renjun felt special, and warm and the fuzzy feeling in his stomach every time he thought of Mark had him feeling like a middle schooler with a crush.

Now that’s the thing, what Renjun felt, was it a crush on Mark?

Was he just latching onto him because Mark was too good to be true and Renjun didn’t know how to act? Or was it something completely different?

He felt his mood dampen a couple of time on Sunday whenever he was caught in a spiral of what his feelings meant and how it would affect them both going forward.

Renjun wanted things to be like they were now, easy and comfortable but he knew that he was fake dating Mark and that came with an expiry date whether or not Renjun wanted to admit it to himself.

He shut his eyes resolutely and tried to sleep, he’d think about these things later.

--

‘Later’ came to be in the form of Jeno Lee.

Renjun had found himself on the bleachers o his lunch break again, watching the team practice, they had the final this weekend and practice was in full swing, a tad bit more aggressive than all the last time and Renjun could say he was a bit intimidated seeing Mark like that.

But Mark flashed him an endearing smile every time his eyes met Renjun’s , so that was that.

He’d waved at Jeno as well and the other boy had smiled and waved back, quickly jogging to Renjun.

“Hey.” Jeno panted.

Renjun flashed him a small smile. “Hi.”

“Are you going to be here till practice ends?” Jeno asked.

Renjun nodded. “Yeah, Mark’s dropping me off today so I’ll wait till practice is over.”

Jeno nodded. “You think you could spare five minutes? There’s something I need to talk to you about.” He looked a bit flushed as he said that, but Renjun chalked it up to soccer practice.

Renjun shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

He couldn’t think of a single thing Jeno would want to talk to him about, the two had gotten closer, sure but still, Renjun was blank.

Jeno smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you.”

“See you Jen.”

Renjun tried not to overthink the conversation that he and Jeno were going to have, there was no way of knowing what Jeno would say till he actually said it after all, but fuck Renjun, he couldn’t stop overthinking.

He managed to pass Mark a shaky smile when Mark raised an eyebrow at him in question across the field, probably having seen the exchange between him and Jeno.

He’d just have to wait till practice was over.

--

“Hey Renjun! Thanks for waiting.” Renjun turned to the sound of Jeno approaching him.

He had showered and changed after practice but Mark was still in there.

“Of course, I said I would wait, didn’t I?” Renjun teased, in hopes to dissipate the nerves in his stomach a bit.

God bless Jeno because he laughed, playing along. “Right, you did.”

Renjun smiled. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

They were right outside the soccer team’s locker room, a bit further away so that no one overheard them.

Jeno looked almost nervous but then he sighed, his shoulders drooping a bit.

“I honestly was conflicted on whether or not I should tell you this,” Jeno started, huffing out a small chuckle. “But I decided that I should, maybe I’m being selfish here but I think I needed to.”

Renjun did not have a good feeling about this.

But he looked at Jeno in a way that urged him to go on.

“I don’t know how it happened or why I was stupid enough to do it but I think somewhere along the way, I developed feelings for you.” Jeno said, smiling softly. Even as Renjun felt his heart drop.

“You have to believe me when I say I don’t know how it happened.” Jeno said, chuckling. “But it did and I’m sorry if I’ve ever accidentally acted on my feelings in a way that made you uncomfortable.”

Renjun was sure that Jeno hadn’t ever done anything like that, heck he hadn’t even expected the fact that Jeno had feelings for him. He hadn’t done anything to make Renjun feel uncomfortable ever.

So he said that much.

“You’ve never made me uncomfortable.” Renjun said, the only thing he could think of saying.

Jeno smiled. “I’m glad in that case. I just wanted this to be out in the open because I think I’ll be able to move on a bit easily now.”

Renjun felt blank. His brain wouldn’t work, he didn’t know what to say in this situation. But he tried, anyway.

“Jeno, I’m so-”

Jeno stopped him. “Please don’t apologise for not reciprocating my feelings Renjun.” He said, smile a little amused.

Renjun stopped. His ears went red, that is what he had been saying.

“I’m just glad you think you’ll be able to move on.” Renjun said, quietly.

Jeno nodded. “Yeah, I think more than anything, I still want to be your friend.” He chuckled.

Renjun smiled. “I want us to be friends too.”

But there was a nagging question in the back of Renjun’s mind.

“Jeno?”

The boy in question looked up. “Yeah?”

“Why did you automatically assume that I wouldn’t reciprocate your feelings though?”

Jeno knew that Renjun was fake dating Mark, so there was no real reason for him to be as sure of Renjun not having feelings for him as he was. He sounded like he’d already made peace with the fact that Renjun didn’t like him back.

Jeno looked a bit taken aback to hear the question. But then he smiled a little bashfully. “I just thought you and Mark were real now.”

Renjun blinked.

What?

“Why?” That’s all Renjun could say.

“I saw the way you guys were at the party, and I knew then that I didn’t have a chance in front of how much you guys seemed to like each other.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck.

Renjun knew that him and Mark had been all over each other at one point at the party but for even Jeno to be fooled into thinking that it was real?

“Oh.”

Jeno must have seen how shaken up Renjun looked and his gaze turned concerned. “Hey, I’m sorry if my assumptions made you uncomfortable, I really didn’t mean to.”

Renjun shook his head. “No no, it’s fine, you’re fine.”

“And I know that my confession might make things weird for a bit but I’m here whenever if you need an ear okay?” Jeno said and he sounded so genuine that Renjun almost took him up on his offer right there and then.

But he just settled for a smile that he hoped looked real. “Thanks Jeno.” He said and meant it.

Jeno smiled back and then bid his goodbye and left.

By the time Mark was back and asking Renjun if he was ready to go, Renjun still hadn’t gotten his senses back completely.

He knew that Mark and him had been acting a bit more than what ‘fake boyfriends’ included, but he hadn’t thought that it was so obvious to the people who knew that they were supposed not supposed to be real.

Renjun didn’t know what to think about that fact.

He probably had feelings for Mark and Jeno thought Mark had feelings for him too. But did he?

Renjun glanced at Mark in the driver’s seat and wondered, he must’ve felt the shift too right?

Maybe the change hadn’t just been on Renjun’s part.

“Is everything okay?” Mark asked, five minutes into the ride. “You’re so quiet. Is it something Jeno said?” He sounded concerned.

Renjun had zero brain to mouth filter in that moment and he blurted out, “Jeno confessed to me today.”

Mark’s head snapped to him for a split second before focusing back on the road.

They really needed to stop having serious conversations when Mark was driving.

“Oh.” Mark said, tone surprisingly calm for how batshit he went every time Jeno even did so much as looked in Renjun’s direction. “He has feelings for you?”

“Yeah.” Renjun said.

He didn’t know what he’d expected Mark’s reaction to be but he hadn’t expected him to be this … nonchalant at least.

Mark chuckled. “I knew he had a little something going on for you, he’s a good guy.”

Renjun felt his heart drop. It almost sounded like Mark was advocating for Jeno.

“I’m sure.” Renjun mumbled.

“Yeah, I think you should go for it if you like him back, Jeno is nice and kind and he’ll take good care of you.” Mark had a soft smile on his face and his voice sounded sincere when he said that.

Renjun wanted to throw up.

Maybe the whole ‘it’s starting to feel real’ thing was just in Renjun’s head after all.

“I should go for Jeno?’ Renjun said, dumbly.

“I mean, it’s your decision entirely.” Mark said. “But Jeno’s as good as it gets, honestly.”

“What about this whole thing?” Renjun asked, because he liked to get his heart broken.

“What? Oh you mean the whole fake relationship thing?” Mark said. “Don’t let that stop you from finding love Jun, I know we didn’t discuss when it’ll end and stuff but you finding someone to actually like seems like a good enough reason.” Mark chuckled at the end.

Renjun felt empty by the time they reached his house.

He had been sure that what he felt for Mark was perhaps, just a dumb crush. Then why was he feeling so heartbroken right now? At the prospect of Mark letting go of him that easily?

Whatever Mark had said had been right after all, Jeno was a good guy and Mark wanted good things for Renjun.

Then why did everything feel so wrong?

Why was it so hard to breathe?

He felt the first tear run down his cheek, and to his horror, Mark noticed.

“Renjun?” He sounded panicked. “Is everything okay?”

Renjun quickly wiped his tear away, tacking on a fake smile.

Whatever he was going through, Mark didn’t need to see it.

It was Renjun’s own fault for letting himself believe in the delusions.

“I’m fine Mark, thanks for the ride.” With that, he left the car hurriedly, not turning back even once even when he heard Mark calling out to him.

He entered his house and let his tears run freely.

--

Renjun realised that he was probably being a tad bit over dramatic when even Chenle started feeling concerned for him.

“Ge,” He heard Chenle’s voice filter through the door of his room that Renjun had kept resolutely shut since he’d come back from school. Chenle almost never called him ge. “Please come out and eat something.”

Renjun sighed, he really wasn’t hungry, his stomach still felt like it was in knots and eating anything would make it worse. “Chenle, I’m really not hungry and I’m also fine, so don’t worry. I’ll eat whenever I feel like.”

Chenle was quiet for a second, as if debating whether or not to say anything further, he eventually decided on leaving Renjun alone. “Okay, there’ll be food in the fridge for whenever you want it.”

“Yes okay, goodnight Lele.” Renjun said.

“Goodnight gege, I’ll see you.” Renjun relaxed into his bedsheets when he heard the footsteps echo away from his room as Chenle left.

He’d assured his mom and Chenle over and over again that he was fine, he just needed some time alone.

Yangyang always told Renjun that he had the toxic habit of pushing people away whenever he was sad and Renjun knew he was right.

But he needed to sort things out with himself first.

The only thing he knew was that what he felt for Mark definitely went beyond a stupid crush, he had probably been steadily falling for the other boy for some time now and he was only noticing now. He wasn’t stupid enough to try and deny it to himself when the signs were right there, the way Mark made him feel, how talking to Mark was the highlight of the day, how seeing him smile at Renjun had quickly become Renjun’s favourite sight.

Renjun swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed thinking about it, he didn’t automatically assume that Mark would reciprocate any of that but he had hoped that the connection and pull he felt wasn’t one-sided. But Mark’s reaction to Jeno’s confession had been enough proof that it was.

Renjun had felt so angry at first, at how Mark had reacted, but then that had quickly subsided and left behind a startling sort of emptiness. He just felt miserable, after all, he’d gotten his heart broken even before he’d realised that he was in love.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

He didn’t know where to go from here, but he did know that if Mark kept being around the way he had, Renjun would never really move on. It was almost impossible not to fall in love with Mark Lee and Renjun reckoned moving on would be as impossible too.

He sighed and massaged his temples, the urge to cry had lowered but he still felt like his chest was being split open every time the flashes from his conversation with Mark replayed in his brain.

He got up from the bed, he needed to get some fresh air, he grabbed the first jacket he found and jogged down the stairs.

“Mom, I’m going on a walk!” He yelled out.

And he went outside.

The cool evening air already cleared his head a bit and he inhaled deeply, he walked out from his porch to the road and just stood there for a minute, the fresh air feeling like heaven against his face.

He was almost proud of himself for having it in him to actually get out of the house and do something that would help him instead of just wallowing in his room all day.

He turned sideways, thinking that he’d walk till the end of the street and then come back but he stopped dead in his tracks. There stood Jaemin, his head hung low as he kicked a few stones on the road. He was standing against the wall that led up to Jisung’s house.

Renjun furrowed his eyebrows. Had he and Jisung fought?

He walked over to where he was standing. “Jaemin?” He said cautiously.

Jaemin looked up with an expression not very different from a deer caught in headlights, he probably hadn’t expected to see anyone. But well, Renjun lived right next door so.

“Renjun, hi.” Jaemin managed after his initial shock, letting out a nervous giggle. “What are you doing here?”

Renjun narrowed his eyes. “I live here, Jaemin.” And then a little more carefully. “What are you doing here?”

Renjun could see the conflict in Jaemin’s eyes, he was probably not sure if he should tell Renjun or not so Renjun waited patiently. This was a judgement free zone and he needed Jaemin to realise that.

After a few minutes, Jaemin deflated. “I came to meet Jisung.”

Renjun hummed, going to lean on the wall beside Jaemin. “So, did you?”

Jaemin let out a laugh that sounded more self- depreciating that anything. “No. Didn’t have the guts.”

“Did you guys talk after the party at all?” Renjun asked.

Jaemin sighed but shook his head. “I think he tried a day after the party but I still wasn’t ready,” He closed his eyes. “I’ve hurt him Junnie.”

Renjun felt bad for Jaemin in that one moment, above everything else, Renjun knew that Jaemin cared for Jisung a lot and to think that the reason for the other boy’s sadness was Jaemin himself must suck.

“Hey,” Renjun tried, softly reaching out and lightly caressing Jaemin’s forearm. “It’s okay.”

Jaemin seemed to relax a bit at that and Renjun was grateful. “I just wish it was a little easier to face him.” Jaemin mumbled.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on between the two of you but Jaemin, I assure you that Jisung would be very happy to know that you came to see him.” Renjun was sure of that, he knew how much the younger boy adored Jaemin, romantic feelings or not.

Jaemin looked unsure. “I messed up though, I didn’t realise things in time and then I,” He exhaled sharply. “I hurt him.”

Renjun looked at Jaemin now, fully turning towards him. “I think you should talk to him, honestly this time, about everything. Jisung would appreciate it and it would be good for you too. You going batshit crazy at the sight of Jisung kissing other people at parties is just not the kind of thing that would be good for your bond in the long run.” Renjun sounded a bit stern to his ears, but he knew Jaemin needed to hear it for he saw his resolve harden a bit more.

“You’re right.” Jaemin eventually said, “I messed up but I can fix it, talk to him so it doesn’t happen again.”

Renjun smiled a little, reaching up to ruffle Jaemin’s hair, without all of his flirting and sassiness, Jaemin was just a high school boy trying his best not to hurt the people he loved and cared for.

“It’ll be fine, Jaem.” Renjun said, hoping that it brought some comfort to the other.

Jaemin sighed. “Thank you so much Renjun, I think I can finally go up and talk to him now.” He smiled at him too. “But if shit goes wrong, I’m blaming it all on you.”

Renjun laughed. “Okay, I can work with that.”

Jaemin grinned. “Okay, I’ll go now. Thanks for the pep talk.”

Renjun nodded, ushering him towards Jisung’s house’s direction.

Jaemin paused and turned back. “And like, I hope you know that you can talk to me about things that bother you too.”

The look that Jaemin gave him was a little too pointed to just be a coincidence, maybe he knew some things, maybe Jeno had told him. But Renjun knew that Jaemin was more observant than people gave him credit for too.

Renjun just managed a smile. “I will.”

Jaemin didn’t say anything further as he waved at him and left.

Renjun walked back to his house too, he’d helped Jaemin and that felt good but the familiar ache in his heart came back the moment he stepped into his room.

He fell on his bed and prayed for sleep to take over.

--

He ended up not going to school the next day.

He’d woken up well in time, but he’d tried to think of facing Mark normally and immediately come to the conclusion that he needed at least another day without seeing the older.

“Renjun, honey, there’s food in the fridge.” He heard his mom say from outside the door, she was probably leaving for the day too. Then she paused for a second before continuing, “And if you want to talk, call me anytime and I’ll come back okay?”

Renjun smiled. “Mom, I’m okay. I just need to rest, don’t worry.” He hoped his voice sounded convincing. He knew he was worrying his mom but there wasn’t a lot he could tell her when she didn’t even know that him and Mark had been fake boyfriends in the first place.

“Okay baby, I’ll get going, rest well.” She said and her footsteps went away.

Renjun relaxed back into his bedsheets, he was alone now and he distantly wondered if he should have taken Chenle’s offer to stay back at home with him today. But he hadn’t wanted Chenle to miss out on school just because Renjun was a mess.

He sighed and got up, maybe taking a shower would help.

His phone had been going off all morning, but he didn’t have the energy to check his messages or missed calls. People could wait, he’d already told Yangyang that he wouldn’t be there at school today, no one else really mattered.

He took a cold shower, which didn’t really help but at least had him feeling a little less lethargic. He didn’t understand how his feelings for Mark could’ve grown this much in such a short span of time that all of this was hurting Renjun this much. But he guessed love worked in mysterious ways, Renjun should’ve known this was serious when he was that comfortable with being his most vulnerable self in front of Mark but he just avoided all of the tell-tale signs and now he got to suffer because of it.

He sat in the living room couch, curling up as he mindlessly put on a show to watch. Mark probably had someone he liked, or something. Guys like Mark had their shit figured out, he wouldn’t just stop for Renjun. He was doing Renjun a favour by fake dating him after all, it was Renjun who’d broken the only rule of fake dating.

He’d gone and fallen in love.

He knew he needed to get over this feeling in some way, he couldn’t be awkward forever in front of Mark because that would definitely lead to Mark confronting him and Renjun spilling his feelings to him and Renjun wanted to avoid that. He’d even considered dating Jeno, but Renjun quickly realised that his feelings for Jeno were purely platonic and he wasn’t willing to stoop low enough to use Jeno to get over Mark, not when Jeno had feelings for Renjun, definitely.

Why was everything so complicated?

Renjun would just camp in his home and not go to school till Mark graduated if he could, but that wasn’t an option.

Mark’s graduation was months away. At one point, that had felt like such a short while and now it felt so fucking far away.

He needed Mark gone, so that he would finally be able to move on in peace. Renjun wondered if it made him a terrible person to wish that but he was just desperate at this point.

He didn’t even realise in the middle of all of these thoughts that he’d fallen asleep again.

--

He woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing, he rubbed his eyes in confusion. Both his mom and Chenle had the spare keys to enter the house so there was no reason for anyone to be ringing the doorbell.

Renjun got up with a sigh anyway, Chenle had probably lost his, again.

It was about time for him to return from school anyway. Wow, Renjun hadn’t realised that he’d napped for that long.

Being sad made you exhausted, apparently.

He opened the door, a scolding for Chenle on his tongue when he stopped dead in his tracks.

There, standing in all his awkward wave glory was Mark Lee.

He looked a bit sheepish and embarrassed, he’d probably thought a hundred times before coming over.

And Renjun couldn’t even feel a little warm at his appearance because fuck, he’d stayed at home that day just to avoid talking to Mark and now Mark was here and Renjun still hadn’t figured out how to function normally.

But he could totally play cool.

“Hi.” Mark greeted, voice small.

Renjun smiled, and hoped it looked convincing. “Hey.”

“You weren’t at school today.” Mark said, his eyes a bit sharper.

Renjun exhaled, as much as he didn’t want to talk to Mark, he also didn’t want to have this conversation standing at the door of his house.

“Come on in Mark.” He said, a little tired as he gestured for Mark to come in.

The other stumbled in, taking off his shoes and following Renjun into the living room where they both sat down on the couch.

“I wasn’t feeling the best, so I took a day off.” Renjun said, at least glad that he wasn’t completely lying.

“Chenle did tell me that you were off.” Mark said. “Did something happen?”

Yeah, you happened, you dumb idiot. Renjun wanted to yell at him but he held his tongue and shook his head. Meeting Mark’s eyes today was harder than it had ever been.

Renjun saw Mark raise his hand a bit in his periphery to probably reach out to him but he held back, Renjun was grateful for it.

“You can tell me, Jun.” Mark said, his voice concerned and gentle. He was probably getting worried too.

“I’m fine, Mark. It’s nothing, really.” Renjun said but he sounded like he was lying to even his own ears.

He’d never quite figured out how to not bare his heart out for Mark to see.

“Okay.” Mark said, and quietened down. Mark was good at never making Renjun feel like he had to do something he didn’t absolutely want to do. Renjun never had to feel like something was expected off of him when he was around Mark.

It was like, he was only now realising all the reasons he’d fallen for Mark.

And the worst part?

As much as Renjun wanted Mark to leave, he also wanted Mark to hug him and hold him close till Renjun started feeling whole again.

Mark, always good at knowing what Renjun was thinking of, almost freakishly so, came a little closer to Renjun, reaching a hand out to cup Renjun’s jaw. “Hey,” Mark said, feather soft. “Baby, I’m here.”

And Renjun wanted to cry, his chest constricting within itself at the soft tone of Mark’s voice and the knowledge that he would never actually have it for real. Mark was just being nice and kind, he wasn’t in love with Renjun, he’d probably never be.

Renjun didn’t move, nor looked up when Mark touched him. But the moment Mark tried to let go of his jaw with a sigh, Renjun-curse him- leaned into his touch, effectively stopping Mark from pulling away.

Mark’s eyes softened. As his other hand came up to caress Renjun’s cheek. “It’s okay, take your time.” He flashed Renjun a soft smile. And Renjun wanted to kiss him.

So, he did.

Mark made a noise of surprise against Renjun’s lips but kissed back anyway, Renjun knew that the way he was kissing was mildly aggressive, he was angry and frustrated and confused and all of those feelings were being poured into the kiss but Mark didn’t complain, he kissed back equally as fervently, letting Renjun do whatever he wanted.

It was scary, how even through the haze of all the emotions Renjun was feeling, the one thought that was as clear as always was how good Mark felt against him, how Renjun wouldn’t trade kissing Mark for the world.

He clutched harder onto Mark’s shoulders at that thought, biting Mark’s lower lip almost too roughly, hearing Mark moan and clutch at Renjun’s waist.

“Fuck, Renjun.” Mark gasped against his lips, clearly not used to the show of aggressiveness from the other.

Renjun kissed down Mark’s neck, even when his brain was begging for him to stop, touching Mark had been borderline torturous even when Renjun hadn’t realised he was in love but now, it was self- sabotage, touching Mark like this, having him gasp out Renjun’s name.

It was finally when Mark cursed for the umpteenth time at another bruise left behind by Renjun’s lips that he snapped out of his reverie, jumping away from Mark like he’d been burned.

Mark’s eyes were hooded, his breaths coming in short pants as he looked at Renjun, he looked beautiful.

But Mark looked confused, probably as to why Renjun had stopped. “Wh-” he started.

Renjun interrupted him, he had no doubt that he looked wrecked too. “We should stop doing this.”

The silence that hung between them was heavy. Renjun knew that he didn’t actually want that but he needed distance and kissing and touching Mark would not help his case.

What happened a few moments ago was a momentary lapse of control and Renjun would ensure that he didn’t slip up again.

“We should stop doing what?” Mark said, Renjun knew he wasn’t dumb so he probably just wanted Renjun to say it out loud.

“Kissing,” Renjun said, not meeting Mark’s eyes and worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “And whatever that follows.”

Mark let out a scoff, the first mildly inconsiderate thing he’d ever seen Mark do. “You say that after what you just pulled?”

Renjun inhaled sharply. “That was a mistake-”

It wasn’t, what was Renjun even saying-

“Oh,” Mark chuckled, the sound bordering on cruel. “So, now it’s a mistake.”

Renjun felt frustrated. “What do you want me to say Mark?”

Mark looked at Renjun, his eyes the most intimidating Renjun had ever seen. “No Renjun, you tell me what you want me to say or do.” Mark sounded mad. The calm sort of mad that made Renjun’s hair stand up.

“I don-”

Mark’s tone was biting. “You tell me Jeno confessed to you yesterday and then disappear off of the face of the earth for almost twenty four fucking hours and then I come to you because I am worried sick and you don’t even talk to me, just kiss me like a man starved and then you tell me you want to stop doing this?” He sounded livid now, Renjun felt speechless. When Mark put it like that… fuck, Renjun really only had been thinking about himself.

“How does that sound to you Renjun?” Mark asked. “How am I ever supposed to understand what you want from me?”

Renjun gaped at Mark, mostly because he didn’t know what to say.

He had only been thinking of protecting himself and had been acting on his instincts without thinking that he was probably giving Mark a whiplash.

“You’re allowed bad days Renjun,” Mark said, sounding pained and tired. “But god, I’ve been driving myself wild thinking I did something wrong ever since I saw you shed a tear in my car yesterday.”

Renjun felt like crying again, this time because he was hurting Mark too, and he didn’t know how not to, coming clean to Mark would mean admitting his feelings and he didn’t want to do that so he just kept quiet.

Eventually, Mark sighed, getting up.

“I get that you’re upset over something and that you probably don’t want to talk about it with me,” Mark said. “Let me know when you’re in the mental space to talk about this.”

He walked up to Renjun, ruffling his hair because Mark was kind, even when Renjun was being an asshole. “Take care Jun.”

And then, he left. The sound of the door closing behind him echoed in Renjun’s ears.

--

Safe to say, Renjun felt like shit the whole day. Mark’s words kept echoing in his head the whole time.

God, he’d really been selfish with his actions and not even considered how fucked up it would leave Mark. Rookie mistake, Renjun knew better than that.

He groaned and muffled his face in his pillow, what was wrong with him?

What had he been fucking thinking?

Why had he even kissed Mark in the first place, he could’ve just acted normal and let Mark go home after reassuring him that Renjun was fine but no, he’d gone and complicated shit further.

Love makes you fucking stupid, Renjun hated it with all his being.

He knew that he owed Mark an apology, for treating him like he wasn’t a human being. Renjun had just, not been fucking thinking. That wasn’t an excuse but Mark couldn’t know the rea reason why Renjun had been this messed up since yesterday.

“Gege, you’re seriously concerning me,” Chenle said from where he was perched on Renjun’s desk chair. He’d been observing Renjun like a hawk for the last ten minutes. “Even Donghyuck asked about you because Mark seemed worried, what the fuck is going on?”

Renjun just made a non-committal sound into his pillow. “I am a horrible person.”

Chenle stayed quiet for a second before he jumped on the bed and dragged Renjun up so that he was sitting up, Renjun thrashed but sat up anyway. “Okay, that’s it, I’m the only one who can call you a horrible person. We’re going out.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I didn’t ask you, we’re going to go watch that movie you wanted to watch and then get something to eat. You’ve been holed up here overthinking everything for far too long anyway.” Renjun knew that it was his tendency to overthink shit by self-isolating and making things worse in his head, Chenle was normally the one who dragged Renjun out of bed and the self-pity spiral that Renjun worked himself into, so he just gave up.

“I am not watching some superhero movie.” Renjun grumbled.

Chenle grinned. “We’ll see about that.”

--

Renjun looked at the gate of his high school like it was supposed to have all the answers to his worries. He hadn’t been completely ready to come back to school just yet but he needed to apologise to Mark and look, Renjun was a mess but he wasn’t a jerk that he’d apologise to Mark over text.

He sighed and walked into the school, this place was so imposing when it wanted to be. Renjun almost wanted to run back home.

By the time Renjun reached his locker, he was already dreading his conversation with Mark, assuming the other would even want to talk to him.

He was snapped back to reality when Yangyang appeared beside him. “Yo dude, you okay?”

Renjun nodded. “Yeah, sorry for bailing yesterday.”

Yangyang just patted him on the back. “It’s okay man, I’m just glad you’re fine.”

Renjun didn’t deserve the people around him.

He really fucking didn’t.

God, maybe Renjun was closer to crying than he let himself realise.

His night out with Chenle had helped clear his head a bit, he’d laughed and had fun, Chenle had made sure of it, but it was hard to be okay when you know you’ve hurt someone you love.

“Where’s Mark?” Renjun asked Yangyang, if Renjun could just talk to Mark already, he’d go back to his house and sleep the day away again.

Yangyang looked like he was hesitating. Renjun did not like that look at all.

“About that…” Yangyang started.

Oh god, not more shit.

“What.” Renjun deadpanned.

“Some girls on the cheerleading squad were whispering that Mark was flirting with someone from the team apparently?” Yangyang giggled nervously. “Jimin scared them off but Mark kinda has been stuck to some guy since practice started today so I thought I should let you know.”

Renjun didn’t even feel anything when he heard Yangyang talk, he’d reached his limit already and if Mark was flirting with some guy? Then fucking let him. What does Renjun care?

“Where is he.”

“Bleachers.”

“I’ll see you.”

Except it turned out that Renjun did care, because the moment Mark was in view, Renjun felt his stomach drop. He was smiling at someone who was wearing the same colour jersey as him, looking like he really enjoyed being in the presence of the other.

Renjun felt his heart clench. His phone had no new messages or phone calls from Mark since yesterday.

He probably doesn’t even care about your apology.

The voice in his head said. You make him sad, at least he’d happy now, don’t ruin it.

For once, Renjun agreed with the voice in his head. The way Mark looked right in that moment was so different from the look of agony in Mark’s face when he’d been with Renjun yesterday that Renjun thought he should just turn back and go.

But Renjun had been frozen there for too long, long enough for Mark to notice him.

Renjun watched as Mark’s face changed, the easy smile being gone from his face almost instantly.

He told the guy something and then he was walking towards Renjun.

“Hey.” Mark’s greeting was still warm, still welcoming.

Renjun wanted to punch a wall.

“Hi Mark.” Renjun managed to find his voice.

“What’s up?” Mark said before sighing. “You okay now?”

Barely.

“Yeah.” Renjun said. “I wanted to apologise.”

Mark stared at him so Renjun took that as his cue to keep talking.

“I am sorry for yesterday. And the day before.” Renjun almost flinched at the number of things he needed to apologise for.

Mark stayed quiet for a while before speaking up.

“What are you sorry for Renjun?” The same exhaustion was back in Mark’s voice, it almost sounded pleading.

What was Renjun sorry for? For developing feelings and messing things up, mostly.

“For not being transparent with you,” Renjun said. “For kissing you and then acting confusing again.”

Mark sighed. Renjun knew he probably wanted to know what was going on in Renjun’s head that had him acting like that in the first place.

“It’s okay.” Mark said. “I get it, you were not having a good day.”

Renjun still couldn’t look up.

“Look Renjun, if this is about what happened on Saturday and I somehow did something wrong-” Mark started.

Renjun’s head snapped up, eyes widened. No no no no, god no.

“No! Mark no, absolutely not,” Renjun was quick to refute. “You were perfect.”

He had been, fuck, that had led to Renjun realising his feelings. It had been that good and for Mark to think otherwise…

Renjun made a frustrated sound. “Mark, I know this is ridiculous but I need you to know that whatever this is, it’s not because of anything you did.”

Mark still looked defeated, he probably had a hundred questions but he just nodded. “Okay, I have to get back to practice.”

Renjun nodded. “I’m sorry.” He said, one last time. He really was, for more reasons that he could count.

Mark gave him a weak smile before jogging back over to where he’d left the other boy.

Renjun watched them both delve back into conversation, Mark not even looking back once.

“He’s an idiot.” Renjun jumped when he heard Donghyuck’s voice from behind him.

Donghyuck looked frustrated. “What?” Renjun asked dumbly.

“Mark,” Donghyuck gestured. “He’s an idiot.”

“He really isn’t.” Renjun said, he didn’t know how much Donghyuck knew of the truth but he powered on as vaguely as he could anyway. “I messed up.”

Donghyuck stayed silent for a second before he reached out and patted Renjun’s shoulder, his voice kinder than Renjun had ever heard. “I just think it’s unfair for him to expect you to talk about what you’re thinking when he’s being a stubborn idiot about not trying to figure out the mess in his own head.”

Renjun scoffed. “How much do you know?”

Donghyuck gave him a secretive smile. “Enough to know that you’re both being hopeless.”

--

Renjun found himself talking to Donghyuck a lot the next few days, mostly by the other boy’s volition. But it reassured him in some way, knowing that someone as close to Mark as Donghyuck still thought that Renjun hadn’t fucked up as majorly as he thought.

Mostly, Donghyuck just tried in subtle ways to convince him to talk to Mark again, but Renjun didn’t have anything else to say to Mark anymore and he had told Donghyuck that much.

The other had rolled his eyes and walked away grumbling something about gay people being stupid.

Funny, because Donghyuck was as gay as one could possibly be.

Renjun still had been skipping school a lot, knowing that his pristine record would take a hit but not really caring, going to school when he and Mark were not on good terms would just fuel the rumours of their breakup and Mark moving on to someone new further and Renjun did not have the energy for that at the moment.

He had also ended up telling Yangyang everything. From start to end.

“Yeah, so that is what it is.” Renjun exhaled, finishing up the story as Yangyang sat on the bed in front of him, motionless.

“Wow, that’s a lot to process.” Yangyang said after a second of silence.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Renjun mumbled, he did feel guilty for keeping this from Yangyang for so long.

“Nah, I kind of had a feeling about this?” Yangyang said. “Like you gush so much about your crushes when you have one you know? It just didn’t make a lot of sense to me that you landed Mark Lee as your boyfriend of all people and were so fucking chill about it.” Yangyang’s voice sounded amused and that was all the refreshment Renjun needed after days of just being sad.

He laughed. “Shut the fuck up, he’s not that great.”

Who the fuck was Renjun kidding?

“Stop lying, Huang Renjun.” Yangyang rolled his eyes. “He is amazing, and you know it.”

“Yeah well, ended up falling in love with, didn’t I?” Renjun chuckled a little self depreciatively.

A silence followed and then Yangyang slid closer to Renjun, squeezing his knee. “Hey, I can’t speak for Mark here because I obviously don’t even know the guy enough but, I was not kidding all those times I said that he looks at you like he’d give you the stars you know?”

“But Mark’s just kind.” Renjun said.

Yangyang snorted. “Babe, there’s a difference between being kind and being in love, please. Mark’s kind to everyone, he doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

And hope was a dangerous thing.

Something that could slice Renjun’s heart open further, make his wounds harder to heal. He didn’t think it was worth it to even let the hope get to him when he was sure that Mark would probably never see him that way.

“No Yang, stop. I don’t want false hope.” Renjun said, tired.

Yangyang looked like he had things to say, his stare loaded with unspoken words but he settled for a sigh eventually. “Okay fine, you want to take a nap?”

Renjun immediately nodded, a nap sounded really fucking good right now.

Yangyang smiled, laying down on the bed and pulling Renjun with him too, letting Renjun use him like a body pillow as he cuddled closer. “Thanks Yangyang.”

“Shut up.” Yangyang mumbled, eyes already closed as he caressed Renjun’s hair, like how he had done countless times when Renjun had been distressed in the past.

Renjun smiled and let himself fall asleep too.

He always slept a little better when Yangyang was around.

--

What Renjun wasn’t expecting when his mom called him downstairs, was to see Kun sitting there on the couch, looking like he’d never left in the first place.

Kun saw him and gave him a big smile, standing up to hug him. He probably expected Renjun to run to him and hug him like he always did whenever Kun came back to visit from his college.

But Renjun had been wound tightly all week, one second away from breaking down, trying his best to rationalise the feelings in his head, all the while trying not to talk to the one person he wanted to talk to the most.

And Kun had always been a go-to for Renjun, his presence the kind of safe haven Renjun was always grateful for and just seeing him stand there in the living room of their house somehow having found his way back to Renjun just when Renjun had started feeling like his life was going haywire just made something in his snap and the next thing he knew he was crying, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he allowed himself to cry like he’d stopped himself from doing all week.

Kun’s eyes widened and Renjun thought he heard his mom let out a gasp from somewhere behind him before Kun was gathering him up in his arms, patting his head. “Junnie, it’s okay, cry out. I’m here now.”

So, Renjun cried, let himself cry till there was absolutely nothing left in him.

And Kun held him throughout, their mom and Chenle joining the hug somewhere in the middle.

--

It was hours later, when Renjun had sufficiently calmed down enough and Kun had made him his favourite hot chocolate that Renjun found himself wrapped up in a blanket burrito in his bed while Kun sat in front of him.

Kun looked patient and kind, and Renjun almost felt bad for having his older brother deal with this mess when he’d travelled this far and come home but there was no sign of tiredness or anything Kun’s gaze as he just patiently waited for Renjun to start speaking.

“So, I’m sorry.” Renjun said.

Kun made a face. “How many times have I told you not to apologise for something like this Jun?” He sounded yet stern.

Renjun smiled a little sheepishly. “Okay, I won’t.”

Kun smiled. “Good. You want to talk about what’s up? Mom di mention that you’ve been down when I called her a few days ago, but I didn’t know it was this bad.”

Renjun sighed, drowning further into his blankets. “I didn’t know it was this bad either.”

Kun rolled his chair closer to Renjun to ruffle his hair. “And that’s okay.”

Renjun felt like crying again. “It’s a long and complicated story.”

Kun looked amused as he regarded Renjun. “Hey, do I look like I have better things to do right now?”

Renjun huffed out a laugh. That was the thing about Kun, even when he’d been in high school and Renjun had been in elementary, Kun would still listen to Renjun’s childish troubles like they were important and give him genuine advice.

No problem that Renjun was facing would be invalidated by Kun.

He started talking.

He told him about the letters, the panic when Jaehyun had called him, about asking Mark to fake date him, about the jealousy and the conversations. He also told him about the time his feelings had started to change, the feeling in his chest becoming more and more fluttery every time Mark did so much as look in his direction, about Jeno’s confession, about the way Mark had reacted and Renjun’s breakdown that had followed. He struggled a bit while talking about the day Mark had come over and he’d snapped mostly because of how humiliated and ashamed thinking about that day made Renjun feel but he ended up completing the whole story, finally looking up at Kun once he was done.

The other had an undecipherable look on his face but his eyes were still warm as he managed to pass a small smile to Renjun. “Quite a mess you managed to get yourself into, huh kid?”

Renjun groaned and fell on the bed, face muffled into the pillows. “Gege, what do I do?”

Kun caressed his hair. “This is complicated, surely,” Kun started, voice level and gentle. “But you can fix this easily too.”

Renjun snapped his head up. “What? How?”

Kun smiled. “That would require talking to Mark.”

Renjun’s face fell. “No.”

“Yes. And you know it.”

“I just don’t see how that is going to help anything!”

Kun sighed, much like how he used to when Renjun was being a problem child at the rare times he was. “You need to tell him how you feel Renjun. This would only end on really bad terms if you don’t.”

“But he will reject me, and then we’ll be awkward.” Renjun mumbled.

He knew he was throwing a tantrum like a kid but he just felt so lost.

“I just think what you’ve been doing an awful lot here is assuming Mark’s feelings about you and this whole situation. You don’t even know how he feels Renjun. It’s not fair to him that you’re taking all the decisions based off on the assumptions that you’ve drawn.” Kun said, talking like he was talking to an animal that could snap at any time.

Renjun stayed quiet so Kun continued.

“Look, best case scenario, he likes you back but worst- case scenario, things get a little awkward between you two, which is still better than whatever is happening between the two of you right now.”

And Kun had a point.

Things between Renjun and Mark couldn’t get worse than how they were now, Mark probably thought of Renjun as some thoughtless and selfish idiot right now, at least he’d know the reason of Renjun’s actions then.

But god, if the thought of having the conversation didn’t scare the shit out of him.

“I would probably mess that conversation up because of nerves.”

Kun chuckled. “You won’t,” He paused. “Also, you’re very pessimistic about this whole thing, remind me why you’re so sure that Mark doesn’t like you back?”

“Because he reacted that way to Jeno confessing to me.” Renjun deadpanned.

Kun raised an eyebrow. “Renjun, you do realise that he probably thought that it wasn’t his place to react negatively to the whole situation right? Especially after both of you had talked about working on your jealousy issues?” Renjun blinked at him, mildly in shock. Kun shook his head. “I don’t know Renjun, how would you have reacted if Mark told you that someone had confessed to him?”

And.

Fuck.

Renjun had not thought of it that way. He hadn’t realised that he’d probably react the same way too, because he wouldn’t have it in him to restrict Mark’s love life, no matter how much he liked Mark himself, because they weren’t official and it would not be his place to complain.

“Uhm.” Renjun said.

Kun looked done but amused.

“I am dumb.”

Kun chuckled. “No, you’re just a high school kid, it happens.”

Renjun fell back on his bed.

Kun stood up. “Talk to Mark, okay?”

Renjun sighed. “Yes.”

Kun patted his knee. “And get some sleep.”

“Yes.”

With that, Kun left, knowing that talking about this more would fry Renjun’s brain. There was always a limit to how much a conversation would benefit Renjun before it started giving him anxiety and he closed up.

Kun had always been good at knowing where the limit was.

Renjun rubbed his hands on his face. He’d been dumb, but at least he had some perspective now that he’d talked to Kun.

He’d give himself a pep talk tomorrow and try to talk to Mark again.

Tomorrow was also the final.

Renjun’s hands itched.

Should he wish Mark good luck?

Donghyuck had told him that he should.

But he didn’t know if Mark wanted to hear from him at all.

But a message wouldn’t hurt right?

He opened up his chat thread with Mark, his heart lurching a bit at how long it had been since their last messages.

Hey

All the best for the game tomorrow

Rest up well and don’t stress, captain

His chest jumped at how fast his messages were seen, the typing bubble appearing a second later.

Renjun felt relieved that at least Mark felt comfortable with him enough to not leave him on read at least.

Mark

Thanks Jun <3

It was a simple message but it made Renjun smile nonetheless. Truly a good example of how whipped he was for the other boy.

He’d talk to Mark. Losing Mark completely over something like this didn’t make a lot of sense to Renjun.

--

For as much as Renjun had been trying to gather the guts to go talk to Mark, he still couldn’t find it him to go to the game.

That still didn’t stop his phone to explode with notifications letting him know that they had ended up winning the final, the photo that Donghyuck had posted on his story had Mark smiling widely at the camera as his team members picked him up on his shoulders.

Renjun felt a weird sort of pride flash over him. He didn’t have the right to feel this accomplished on behalf of Mark but he did, anyway.

A smile threatened to take over his features.

He’d talk to Mark, but maybe not tonight.

Mark deserved to have fun tonight with his friends, with his teammates.

Renjun shouldn’t take that away from him.

But he could at least text him a congrats.

Congratulations Mark!

The reply this time wasn’t instantaneous, which Renjun had expected honestly with how many people would be around Mark right now. But it came half an hour later, when Renjun had started reading one of the books from his shelf to stop himself from looking at his phone every two minutes.

Mark

Thank you!! Fuck it still feels unreal

Anyway

I wanted to talk to you

Are you free?

Renjun’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets. Mark was the one who shouldn’t have been free, all things considered. Well, so much for trying to avoid talking to Mark tonight.

I mean

Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating with your teammates?

Mark

They’ll have plenty of fun without me

And besides I want to see you

So, if you’re free, I’ll see you in your front porch?

Like, right now?

Mark

yeah I’m kinda already here hahaha

but I can totally leave if you don’t want to talk!!

Renjun couldn’t help the laughter that left his lips. Mark was such a fucking dork.

Instead od replying, he went down the stairs, opening the main door and stepping out into the evening air.

And indeed, Mark was right there, but he was anxiously staring at his phone, probably expecting Renjun to reply.

Renjun bit back a smile, walking up to him and tapping him on the shoulder.

Mark looked up in surprise, his eyes a little widened and his lips parted. God, Renjun loved him so much.

“Hi.” Renjun greeted.

“Oh fuck, I didn’t expect you to actually talk to me.” Mark giggled nervously. “Hey Renjun.”

Weirdly enough, all the nerves that Renjun had felt at the prospect of having the scary conversation with Mark were gone now, maybe being around Mark just naturally calmed him down or something because he for sure felt like he could take on the world now if he wanted.

Mark wasn’t so terrible that he’d give Renjun the cold shoulder and stop being friends if Renjun told him that he had feelings for him.

“Earth to Renjun?” Mark said, waving his hands in front of Renjun who finally snapped out of his thoughts.

“Oh yeah sorry.” Renjun said. “I actually have things I wanted to talk about with you too.”

Mark blinked. “Oh.” Then he gestured Renjun to go on. “You go first then.”

And Renjun thought it was a good idea as well, to go first, because the longer Renjun waited, the more confessing started feeling like a bad idea.

Renjun sighed. “Okay so there really is no easy way of saying this-”

“Oh my god you’re breaking up with me.” Mark said, his eyes widened in horror.

Renjun almost facepalmed. Mark was so fucking stupid.

And cute.

He wanted to kiss him so bad. And he’d probably never get to, now.

What the fuck Renjun, fucking focus.

“No, Mark, I’m not.” Renjun said and then paused. “We’re not even dating, the fuck?” He couldn’t help the little smile that came on his face as he said the last part. God, for how long had they been forgetting that this was all fake?

Mark still didn’t look appeased in the least but he gestured for Renjun to continue.

“I fucked up, okay,” Renjun exhaled. “I know that the only thing expected of me in this whole arrangement was that I shouldn’t fall in love or whatever but I went ahead and I did it anyway.”

Renjun was about to start rambling and there was nothing he do to stop himself.

“I fell for you. Hard. And it is so weird to me even now because I am still fucking processing it but you were just so perfect and nice to me and you made me feel like I was special, that maybe no matter where I am, I’d have someone who’d look for me in the crowd. Every time I kissed you and touched you, it felt a lot like coming home and I fell for you. Between all those weeks and the countless conversations we’ve had, I’ve opened up to you more than I have to anyone, you made me feel comfortable, safe, cared for and like I was being seen and I fucking fell in love with you.” Renjun said, panting a little by the end of it because wow, he didn’t expect himself to actually say it all and now he was mildly embarrassed and couldn’t even try to play it cool in front of Mark.

So, he stuttered over his next words, eyes darting everywhere except at Mark’s face.

“I know you’d probably be weirded out by this so you can just choose to forget about this! I just wanted to tell you because this was the reason I’d been acting a bit weird these last couple of days and you deserved to know.” Renjun finished, Mark had gone so quiet in front of him that Renjun was almost scared to look up at the kind of expression that Mark was probably making.

Eventually, Mark let out a noise of distress. “I fucking hate it when Donghyuck is right.” He mumbled before he reduced the distance between him and Renjun, cupping Renjun’s cheeks and making him look up at Mark, Renjun saw more fondness in Mark’s eyes than he’d ever seen before and there it was again. Hope. Blooming in his chest.

“You were holed up in your house these last few days and refused to talk to me because you had feelings for me?” Mark said, voice lacking any judgement.

Renjun could only nod. “I knew you didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t know how to face it.”

Mark’s shoulders deflated. “Renjun, baby, how could you not know?”

Renjun blinked at him.

“But obviously you didn’t know, I haven’t been the most amazing communicator.” Mark said, sighing. “I am hopelessly in love with you Huang Renjun, and I’m surprised you didn’t see it from how blatantly it’s written all over my face when I’m around you.”

Mark’s confession was feather like soft but assertive in every way, his tone gentle and Renjun almost didn’t let it sink in.

“What?” Renjun asked, dumbly.

Mark let out a chuckle, caressing Renjun’s cheeks. “It’s been game over since that first time I kissed you.”

Renjun didn’t understand- “But your reaction to Jeno confessing to me-”

“I was gripping the steering wheel so hard that it left imprints on my palms, I just didn’t know how to say it to you Renjun, I was convinced my feelings weren’t reciprocated.”

“How could you possibly think that?” Renjun mumbled.

Mark chuckled, the sound equal parts fond and amused.

“We’re both idiots, huh?”

“Yes, very. What the fuck Mark?” Renjun gelt so exasperated yet relieved at the same time, it was ridiculous.

Mark kissed Renjun’s forehead. “I should’ve known that I wouldn’t survive a week as your fake boyfriend without catching feelings.”

Renjun pressed closer to Mark, his head resting on Mark’s chest now. “You really love me too?”

“Yes baby, so fucking much. It’s stupid how much I think of you everyday.”

Renjun sniffed. “I spent the last few days so sad because I thought you’d never like me.”

Mark’s hold on him tightened. “There’s no one else I’d love baby.”

Renjun broke the hug to look at Mark. “So, like are we real boyfriends now?”

Mark smiled at him, reaching down to rest his forehead against Renjun’s. “Yeah, we are.”

“I can’t believe I’m this lucky.” Mark said.

“You’re so corny, shut up.” Renjun said, cheeks ablaze.

“Fuck I’ve missed you so much.” Mark said, before hugging Renjun tightly again.

Renjun felt like his cheeks would burst from how happy he felt at that moment.

There was not a lot he could do or say in that situation that would do justice to how he felt at that moment.

He hugged Mark back tighter and hoped it conveyed the message. “I love you.” He said against Mark’s collar.

--

Renjun realised that fake dating, in its essence, is not much different from real dating at all.

But as he traced circles into Mark’s waist while he was supposed to be watching the movie playing in front of them, he noted that Mark and him had been teetering the line for too long anyway.

“How long were we complete idiots for?” Renjun ended up saying out loud, feeling Mark chuckle.

“Probably a long time. We got jealous over each other and it still didn’t click.” Mark said, he sounded amused and exasperated.

“You just had to be this perfect.” Renjun grumbled, pinching Mark’s side lightly, smiling when the other yelped.

Mark reached to hold Renjun’s chin, tilting his head up and kissing him chastely in the lips once. Renjun almost hated himself for chasing Mark’s lips after he’d broken the kiss before realising that he could do all of this unabashedly.

“So, now I get to ask for kisses and cuddles?” Renjun asked.

Mark laughed. “I’m afraid you did that anyway baby.”

Renjun pouted and that immediately changed into a smile the moment Mark kissed him again.

“Kiss me properly.” Renjun whined when he saw that the older had no intentions of actually kissing him seriously.

Mark smiled, caressing Renjun’s jaw. “Such a needy baby.” His voice was lower than normal and Renjun felt a shive go down his spine. He was stupidly sensitive to everything Mark did.

But ever since they had both confessed and they’d come up to Renjun’s room, Renjun had been feeling a bit on edge.

He’d gone too long without kissing or touching Mark and he wanted to, so badly.

“I’ve missed you.” Renjun whispered, making his eyes droop in a way that he knew drove Mark crazy.

Mark’s eyes darkened, his smile falling. “Is this some roundabout way of getting me to fuck you?” He asked, teasing lightly.

“Depends,” Renjun licked his lips, pressing a bit closer to Mark. “Is it working?”

Renjun knew it was working with the way Mark’s adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed and his fingers flexed against Renjun’s waist.

“I’m so weak for you, it’s pathetic.” Mark said.

Renjun smiled, leaning in so that Mark would get the clue and kiss him already. “I personally think it’s amazing.”

Mark’s stare fell down to his lips once before he crashed his lips onto Renjun’s, promptly reminding him why Mark’s touch felt this intoxicating after all.

They’d been kissing for a few weeks now, but now that Renjun knew that there wasn’t a fear of him waking up the next day and Mark being gone from his life, it’s almost like Mark’s lips felt like heaven against his.

He hummed into the kiss, climbing on Mark’s lap and pushing him back into the bed’s headboard. Mark’s hands went under Renjun’s shirt to hold his waist.

Renjun knew that he drove Mark crazy on purpose sometimes but Renjun hadn’t been sane since the first press of their lips at that party so he thought it was fair.

--

“So, you mean to tell me that you and Mark were fake dating all along?” Jaemin gawked.

“Could’ve fooled me honestly with how whipped you were.” Ningning said.

Yangyang, Donghyuck and Jeno sat quietly since they’d already known about this but Mark and Renjun had collectively decided to tell the others the truth. The whole school could just carry on thinking that they’d been dating all along.

Jimin was the one who whined. “I thought we were best friends Mark,” She pouted. “Why did Donghyuck know and I didn’t? That’s just disrespectful.”

Renjun hid his smile as Mark chuckled at Donghyuck’s indignant ‘hey! What’s that supposed to mean?’

“I’m sorry, it was just better if no one knew, Donghyuck found out when I was having a crisis.”

“Ah, the typical ‘is this getting real or is it just in my head’ crisis.” Minjeong said. “Funny how you guys thought for a second that the other one was not just as whipped as you.”

“Yeah, people are fucking dumb.” Yangyang said, he shot a teasing glare in Renjun’s direction and Renjun just flipped him off.

“But the point of the matter is that we’re dating now.” Mark said, intertwining his hands with Renjun.

Renjun gave him a shy smile and everybody groaned.

“So, are you going to be more gross now?” Chenle complained.

Renjun wanted to sacrifice his brother to fucking satan sometimes, truly.

“Chenle, do you ever shut up?” Renjun said, annoyed.

Chenle sighed and shook his head. “One would think you’d be more grateful now that you’ve got yourself a boyfriend because I sent the lett-” Chenle paused, his eyes widening before Renjun let his unfinished sentence settle on him too.

Jisung sighed from somewhere to the side.

“What?” Renjun asked.

Chenle looked one second away from bolting. “What?”

“Letters?” Renjun said. “You sent the fucking letters?!”

Renjun felt his jaw drop, how had he not thought of this before? Obviously Chenle had sent the letters!

“Chenle, what the fuck?!”

Jaemin let out a ‘uh oh’ that sounded entirely too delightful to be taken seriously and Jeno elbowed him to shut up.

Chenle giggled nervously, he was holding the chair in which he was sitting as a barrier now.

“I mean, you were so alone all the time and I wanted to help you find love!” Chenle said. “I thought at least one of these boys would fall for you and hey, one did!”

Renjun couldn’t believe his fucking ears. Chenle had no right to do that he stood up, he really was going to sacrifice Chenle today, his love for him be damned.

Before he could take a step further though, Mark stopped him by a hand around his wrist. “Hey babe.”

“Not now Mark.” Renjun said, a warning on his voice.

But Mark just smiled a little nervously before gesturing to the room. “Look around you though, it all ended up working out.”

Even through the haze of his anger, he managed a look around the room and Mark was right, most of the people here had become a part of his life after the letters had been sent out and Renjun didn’t even mind the letter incident that much now that so much time had passed but he was still livid at Chenle for doing it though.

He sat back down, a little calm. But he still glared at Chenle who looked seconds away from worshipping Mark. “I will see you when we get home.” He said to Chenle, he knew he won’t scold Chenle that much but he needed to know that he had been wrong.

“I told him it was a bad idea.” Jisung spoke up. “He did it anyway.”

“Of course you knew about it.” Renjun sighed. “And I know you must have tried Sung, you’re a good kid.”

Jisung gave him an eye crinkly smile. Renjun gave a fond one back.

“We’re all a mess.” Donghyuck declared. “Also where is my fake dating turned real dating boyfriend?”

Mark sighed.

Renjun chuckled.

Renjun looked at Jeno, the other looked normal as he smiled at Donghyuck and Jaemin’s antics, and talked to Yangyang and Giselle. Renjun hoped that his feelings for Renjun would not hurt him.

Jeno met his eyes and he gave Renjun a warm smile, mouthing a ‘congratulations’ and Renjun’s face split into a huge grin. Jeno was too nice, Renjun loved him.

They kept talking for a while before people started dispersing, they’d really only met up at Jisung’s place because Renjun and Mark told them that they needed to talk to all of them but they’d ended up staying for far too long. The sun was setting outside now.

Mark turned to Renjun and smiled. “Let’s go?”

Renjun smiled and nodded. He tried to find Jisung to tell him that he was leaving, frowning when he found no sign of the other boy.

They left Jisung’s room, they were the last ones leaving, and the house seemed too silent now.

“I’m going to see if Jisung’s in the kitchen and tell him we’re leaving.” Renjun informed Mark.

“I’ll come with.” The other replied and both of them set out to the kitchen but they stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Jisung backed up on a counter as Jaemin kissed him.

Renjun let out a gasp and covered his mouth.

Jaemin and Jisung sprung apart, blush high on their cheeks.

So, it looked like it wasn’t just Mark and Renjun who’s gotten their shit together the last two days.

Renjun grinned and Mark laughed.

“Don’t stop on our account, we were just leaving.” Renjun said, winking at Jisung who just tried to become one with the kitchen counter.

“Congrats Jaem.” Mark teased, and Renjun had never seen Na Jaemin look shy in his life and the sight almost made him coo.

They left, cackling at the identical whines Jisung and Jaemin let out.

By the time they were out the door, Renjun was smiling so wide that his cheeks were hurting.

Mark looked at him and smiled. “Happy?”

And Renjun was.

He had an amazing boyfriend, a group of new friends, a wonderful family, really, what was there not to be happy about?

He looked at Mark and felt his heart expand in his chest with love and affection that he couldn’t help but hug Mark who just laughed and hugged him back tighter. “What’s up baby?”

“I’m just happy,” Renjun mumbled. Who knew a few letters written back in the day would give him this much happiness now? “I love you.”

He physically felt Mark melt against him, the older pressing a kiss to Renjun’s hair. “And I love you.”

Renjun smiled and burrowed himself further into Mark’s arms.

Maybe they really were going to be gross and domestic now, more so than ever.

But Renjun didn’t have it in him to mind that even a single bit.

--

A month after confessing and making it official, Renjun had a stuttering and blushing Mark give him an envelope at school. “Read this if you have time.”

Renjun was amused when Mark practically sprinted away after that.

Renjun had read the letter that night in his room and re-read it till he couldn’t feel the tears running down his cheeks anymore.

Dear Jun,

I wrote you a letter! Since you know, all of this technically started from a letter haha

I’m not as eloquent as you are, but I’ll try, forgive me if it doesn’t make a lot of sense!

When I first received the letter, I was shocked at least and flattered at best, especially after I saw how cute the boy who’d written me the letter was, and then you asked me to fake date you and I agreed, thinking what was there to lose.

But I lost my heart to you somewhere along the way. You’re soft Renjun, in a way most of the world could only dream of being, you’re kind and gentle, even your voice sounds like wind chimes sometimes, you know that? Ever since, the first time you smiled at me and I held you in my arms, I was a gone case. There was just no way I wouldn’t fall for you.

Finding a love like this in high school wasn’t something I thought would happen to me but you happened, and I think you’re it for me Renjun. I still feel butterflies when I see you, and I don’t think that will stop anytime soon, or ever, actually.

I love the way you spread happiness wherever you go, I love the way you smile when I hug you, I love the way you whine in your sleep, I love the way you wear your heart on your sleeve. I just.. love you Jun. always will.

Thank you for coming into my life.

You said in your letter that you’d hoped that life treats me kindly. And I think it did, it got me to you.

(P.S – call me whenever you read this, I’ll probably be pacing in my room, thinking you probably think I’m stupid.)

Love,

Mark

--