Work Text:
EPISODE 136
[...]
HARRY: Tom's already started the arrangements for the wedding. I'm beginning to think he's a lunatic.
TOM: I have a challenge for all of you, listeners. Instead of your normal advice questions, send in questions about the wedding. Nothing too blatant, but we'll give clues, and if you can figure out the time, date, and place, consider yourself invited.
HARRY: He's a lunatic. A complete lunatic. I love him.
TOM: [softly] I love you too.
@LizardlyLots
We’ve GOT to get ‘invited’ to the wedding. @zigzagzoom Di, wanna help me figure out the clues?
@zigzagzoom
hell yeah!
oysterloyster
we are going to scour these videos. there will be no man woman or cryptid left behind. we are going to be there on the day our ship becomes real life canon!!!
tomownsmyheart reblogged this
tomownsmyheart
I can’t wait to *meet* Tom, if you know what I mean 😉
oysterloyster reblogged this
oysterloyster
i’m pretty sure you’ve said that before, laura
EPISODE 137
[…]
TOM: And our first question of the day is from Fey. She is asking if she can have a hint as to where the wedding is.
HARRY: Oh, I’m glad people are excited! I was a little worried for, you know, internet safety when Tom proposed the plan, but it seems like it might go well.
TOM: Asking for hints was NOT part of the plan.
HARRY: [singing] Little Miss Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow—
TOM: Now that’s just misleading AND rude.
[…]
HARRY: This is the fifteenth email asking for a hint, Tom. I don’t think you can just dismiss all of them.
TOM: Watch me.
HARRY: For [BEEP]’s sake, Tom.
HERMIONE: [voiceover] I have one question. Why am I still here if these idiots can’t learn to swear?
[…]
HARRY: Tom, I am BEGGING you. Can we just give them the Merlin-damned hint?
TOM: Fine. All of you suck. Ask better questions.
HARRY: [sighing] Tom.
TOM: Tell me, listeners, do you like tongue twisters?
HARRY: That’s cryptic.
TOM: If they asked better questions, I wouldn’t be cryptic.
@Riddlickme
TONGUE TWISTERS???? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FROM TONGUE TWISTERS???
@JerryHarryWho
Is this Tom’s way of telling us his kinks?
@RiddleMeThis
Absolutely not. I already have to edit the show, I do not need to be scarred further outside of it. Cancelled.
@PodcastsKilledMe
@JerryHarryWho I’m sorry but our friendship is over now you’ve been cancelled by the love of my life, Hermione Granger.
@WeaselVonWeasel
whilst i’m sure they appreciate the support, we’re already dating
@PodcastsKilledMe
Yet another one of my hopes and dreams crushed
@JerryHarryWho
Lils are we still on for movie night
@PodcastsKilledMe
Of course
RiddlesPottery
There’s a wedding. There’s a wedding. There’s a wedding. There’s a wedding and I have a chance to prove myself right. I’m going to get myself to this wedding and I am going to prove the existence of magic with my own bare hands.
TomarryFangirl reblogged this
HotsForHarry reblogged this
Tomalongadingdong reblogged this
TomarryFangirl
Alex this is bordering on obsession. Are you okay?
RiddlesPottery reblogged this
HotsForHarry
Do You Think They’ll Let Me In If I Simp For Harry All Night
hermioneshipstomarry reblogged this
RiddlesPottery reblogged this
Tomalongadingdong
I’ll send in a question asking about the tongue twisters for you, my favourite tin hatter.
RiddlesPottery
Absolutely not I have not been okay since episode one, Riddle Me This
hermioneshipstomarry
y do u type Like That
HotsForHarry reblogged this
RiddlesPottery
If they’re going to let @tomownsmyheart in, I see no reason why you would be banned.
tomownsmyheart reblogged this
HotsForHarry
I Was Told That All Caps Sounded Like Shouting
tomownsmyheart
Rude.
EPISODE 138
[…]
HARRY: Our first question is from Evan, and I’m not sure if I want to read it, actually.
TOM: Just don’t open any attachments. Or links, for that matter.
HARRY: Okay. Okay. Let me try and muster up the bravery to click on it.
TOM: Drumroll, please, listeners.
HARRY: We can’t hear the listeners, Tom.
TOM: [drumroll] If you wanted a drumroll, you could’ve just asked. Open the email, darling.
HARRY: Okay, Evan has a question for us.
TOM: Thank [BEEP]ing Salazar.
HERMIONE: [voiceover] Boys.
HARRY: Tom, what’s your favourite tongue twister?
TOM: I’m glad SOMEONE can pick up on hints.
HARRY: Maybe they’d get more of them if, you know, you actually gave hints.
TOM: [mock offended] Rude, my love. I’m tempted to call off the wedding.
HARRY: You’d never do that, you simp.
[…]
TOM: ANYWAY, in answer to Evan, my favourite tongue twister is ‘She sells shea sells—’
HARRY: [laughing] Shea sells.
TOM: She sells SEASHELLS on the seashore.
@zigzagzoom
Liz here. My phone died and I’m at Diana’s place, but I’d just like to say that it’s not just a beach, it would likely be a beach with sand – rare enough in Britain – but also seashells, possibly shops. I vote Eastbourne.
@TomarryForLife
New ship just dropped
@zigzagzoom
wait what
Tomalongadingdong
Tomarry are to marry, but the question is where? Which beach? We’ve had people vote for Eastbourne, but I think it’ll be a private beach.
HermioneNon-BinaryLove reblogged this
HermioneNon-BinaryLove
Private beach > rich Tom > sugar daddy Tom fanfic
harryismysun reblogged this
TomarryHeadcanons reblogged this
tomarry-is-real reblogged this
riddlemethis reblogged this
harryismysun
*harry voice* d-daddy?
TomarryHeadcanons
Accepted. Approved. Reluctantly added to the blog (affectionate).
tomarry-is-real
What if… what if sugar daddy Harry
TomarryHeadcanons reblogged this
riddlemethis
believe me, if tom could get away with buying me things he would. plus, the beach belongs to ron’s brother’s wife’s dad, anyway
RiddlesPottery reblogged this
TomarryHeadcanons
*surreptitiously adds to pile*
RiddlesPottery
So, it is a private beach?
riddlemethis reblogged this
riddlemethis
F*CK.
riddlemethis reblogged this
riddlemethis
HERMIONE!
grangerdangeractualtumblr reblogged this
grangerdangeractualtumblr
:)
EPISODE 139
[…]
HARRY: I still feel kind of bad about using Bill and Fleur’s house as our honeymoon location. I mean, they live there!
TOM: Beloved, the Delacours have sixteen houses. Three in England, and twelve in France. They’re LOADED.
HARRY: …That’s fifteen.
TOM: They also have one in Italy.
HARRY: And you know this how?
TOM: I’m a Dark Lord, darling.
HARRY: [tackling him] I shouldn’t love you as much as I do.
BILL: [brightly] He asked us.
TOM: [shrieking] Harry, didn’t we have a whole discussion on inviting people in without my permission?
HARRY: I didn’t invite them!
FLEUR: [cheerily] We invited ourselves!
[…]
BILL: Fleur and I don’t mind you using Shell Cottage, you know.
HARRY: It’s a GUESSING GAME, they’re supposed to guess! Not be told!
FLEUR: You outed yourself on Tumblr, Harry, the only thing left for them to guess is the date and time.
TOM: And the colour scheme.
HARRY: Tom banned red and green, which I happened to think worked quite well.
TOM: It did NOT.
HARRY: Did too.
TOM: It looks like a Christmas tree!
HARRY: I love you.
TOM: F[BEEP]k.
HERMIONE: [voiceover] Please.
[…]
TOM: Onto questions! Amanda has asked us if the date has any cultural significance.
HARRY: Oh, yes. Yes, yes it does.
@PeakHumour
WE HAVE THE LOCATION. GUYS. GUYS WE HAVE THE LOCATION.
RiddlesPottery
Update for everyone: here’s the link on Google Maps for anyone who hasn’t caught the location.
Now: the date. We’re going to start with most popular dates and work down from there:
- Christmas Day. Unlikely, but they did say, and I quote ‘Like a Christmas tree.’
- Valentine’s Day??? I’d argue that that’s too cliché, but who knows?
- No evidence found supporting this, and I don’t believe Tom and Harry are religious, either.
Hiding the rest under the cut for conveniences sake.
Read more
EPISODE 140
[…]
HARRY: Our first question today is from Lyrae, and it’s just song lyrics.
TOM: [singing] Love is in the air, everywhere I look around. Love is in the air, every sight and every sound—
HARRY: Why do you even know the tune to that?
TOM: [spluttering] It doesn’t matter.
HARRY: Was I right? Do the Malfoy twins have secret karaoke nights?
[…]
TOM: Oh, right. The question.
HARRY: Yes, yes it is. Love is in the air and it’s beginning to look a little chilly.
@HocusPocus
It’s Valentine’s Day it’s Valentine’s Day they’re getting married on Valentine’s Day—
riddlemethis
[picture of Tom and Harry kissing, silhouetted in the moonlight]
My (second) favourite idiots are getting married on Valentine’s Day.
thefamilyweasel reblogged this
thefamilyweasel
(ron here) am i your favourite idiot?
grangerdangeractualtumblr reblogged this
grangerdangeractualtumblr
❤
EPISODE 142
[…]
TOM: I’m kind of disappointed nobody sent in wedding themed questions last episode.
HARRY: Stop being so mean to our listeners, Tom.
TOM: I’ll stop being mean when they put some effort into inviting themselves.
HARRY: I’m really not sure that’s how wedding invitations work.
[…]
TOM: And our first non-idiot of the day, with the world’s weirdest name: Paint-me.
HARRY: What part of don’t be mean did you miss?
TOM: The don’t. Weren’t you listening?
HARRY: For f[BEEP]’s sake.
HERMIONE: [voiceover, mockingly] What part of we won’t swear, Hermione, I promise, did you miss?
TOM: Anyway! Paint-me has asked how many Is and Vs and Xs are in the time.
HARRY: Clever! I like it.
TOM: A singular, mocking I.
HARRY: Tom, it’s two Is, remember? II?
TOM: My father does not need to turn up.
HARRY: He’s trying, Tom, give him a chance. He’s tried to do his best for you all his life.
TOM: And he hasn’t done a very good job of it.
HARRY: He’s a muggle thrust into our world. I’d like to say he’s doing pretty well, and he loves you dearly.
TOM: Fine. Fine, there are two Is in our time.
@Riddlickme
TWO PM, VALENTINE’S DAY, SHELL BEACH NEXT TO SHELL COTTAGE, DIRECTIONS HERE. WE FIGURED IT OUT, GUYS, WE FIGURED IT OUT.
Tomalongadingdong
To celebrate our success, I’m going to Do My Thing.
375,892 people liked this
EPISODE 143
[…]
TOM: Once again, I approach the inbox with trepidation. My hand shakes as I reach for the mouse, hovering the cursor over the email, the little blue blob glowing beside it. In front of me, the name on the address mocks me, laughs at my fate. What does it say, Tom? You ask. It says—It says—EVAN.
HARRY: Normally I’d tell you off for being dramatic but you might actually have a point.
TOM: I’m shaking in fear.
HARRY: No, you’re clinging onto me like an octopus in fear.
TOM: F[BEEP] you.
HERMIONE: [voiceover] And you!
HARRY: Later, gladly.
TOM: My hand is still shaking, but I muster up the courage to press down on the key. One second. Two seconds. The page loads, and I feel my eyes close, but—no. I am brave enough to look.
HARRY: [softly, voice mock shaking] https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939377...
TOM: [wailing] No. Nooooo. Spare us, spare us, I beg of you.
@CthulhuStabs
Imagine being the one to get Tom and Harry together, figuring out all the wedding clues, then realising that you are non-negotiably busy on that day.
@WeaselVonWeasel
disgusting that such an oversight was allowed to occur. i will take long videos for you, oh wonderful matchmaker
@CthulhuStabs
I love you.
@RiddleMeThis
as you should
Tomalongadingdong
Gottem.
riddlemethis reblogged this
riddlemethis
you are our sworn enemy.
Tomalongadingdong reblogged this
Tomalongadingdong
Then so be it. <3
EPISODE 144
[…]
TOM: I’m a Dark Lord, darling.
HARRY: Imagine a universe where I was born, like, fifty years after you and couldn’t stop you from becoming a Dark Lord. Wouldn’t it be really funny if this was just a fanfic of that universe and the author kept crying over heir laptop screen because of the formatting?
TOM: Are you okay, Harry?
HARRY: Yeah, I’m fine. Just imagining the fate of this imaginary author, where shey’s sobbing over heir laptop in despair over formatting.
TOM: Sounds like a weird universe. Kiss me?
HARRY: Needy bastard.
TOM: You love me.
HARRY: Against my best wishes, I do.
@riddlemorelikekissable
ngl i’m thinking about harry saying i do in that last ep
@PeakHumour
Aren’t you supposed to simp over Tom?
@riddlemorelikekissable
i'm no slave to my username
@HarryOverTim
Raw line but okay. Weren’t you the source of the original Tim?
@riddlemorelikekissable
if i’ve inspired your user in any way shape or form i may be entitled to financial compensation. pay up.
@riddlemethis
not that i agree with your use of that meme, but i’m so reviving the tim. tom might actually kill me
hermionetumblrbesttumblr
real talk. what will the tomarry wedding rings look like
[image of a gold snake ring]
i’m not advertising this random jewellery shop or anything (hey hey jewelsandmore if you do see this please pay me i’m broke af) but i just think this would look good
985,476 people liked this including riddlemethis
EPISODE 145
[…]
TOM: Nyx has sent in a question asking us about our wedding clothes.
HARRY: Well, after much debate, I will be wearing a cream and silver suit, to match Tom’s—
TOM: Harry.
HARRY: You invited the entire internet to our wedding, Tom.
TOM: Fine. I’m wearing a wedding dress. It’s white and floaty and fabulous.
HARRY: It also cost several thousand pounds. He looks brilliant.
GINNY: [shouting] WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE SEEN HIS DRESS, HARRY?
HARRY: I think we ought to run.
GINNY: [sounding closer] WEDDING TRADITIONS ARE TO BE RESPECTED, YOU BAG OF D[BEEP]S.
HERMIONE: [voiceover] Ginny is justified, actually.
@WeaselVonWeasel
harry james potter: i’m going to revive the tim
also harry james potter: *is a liar*
@RiddleMeThis
it’s hard to revive anything when you’re running from your sister!
@WeaselVonWeasel
you brought this on yourself, mate
riddlemethis
WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!
Invite
📌 Pinned post
EPISODE 146
[…]
HERMIONE: Hello and welcome to episode one hundred and forty-six of Riddle Me This. Tom and Harry would gladly be here to meet you if I hadn’t just airdropped their location to Ginny, and thus this episode is what I like to call the special episode, where Mx. Hermione Granger (me) records two idiots running from one Ginevra Weasley.
[…]
[crackling sounds] [screaming]
HARRY: She’s fast. She’s getting closer.
TOM: There’s a closet here. We can hide.
HARRY: Good idea!
TOM: [sound of door opening] Quick. It locks from the inside, too.
HARRY: [sound of lock clicking] We’re safe, thank Merlin.
GINNY: Hello, boys. Did you really think you could run from me?
TOM: HARRY. HARRY OPEN THE LOCK.
GINNY: Don’t even try. Luna’s taping the door shut from the other side. Fear my wrath.
@RiddleDiddleDo
I amend my previous statement. I am in love with Hermione Granger and Ginevra Weasley.
@FlamingGinger
That’s all well and good, but if you call me Ginevra one more time it’ll be you I devour in a closet.
@LucainiumSpaceShips
Devour?
lunaharrytomione
today on tumblr we’re learning about how word choice can have devastating effects.
Harmione4eva reblogged this
Harmione4eva
You ship Tomione, I ship Harmione. We can wallow in the pain of our ships never being real life canon whilst also respecting their decisions.
tomownsmyheart reblogged this
tomownsmyheart
And @HotsForHarry and I can simp sadly in the distance…
EPISODE 149
[…]
HARRY: F[BEEP], f[BEEP], f[BEEP], we’re getting married tomorrow oh f[BEEP]—
HERMIONE: [voiceover] Once again, I am asking you to STOP SWEARING ON YOUR PODCAST.
TOM: [worried] Are you getting cold feet?
HARRY: No. Never! It’s just… It’s actually happening.
TOM: I know. I know.
HARRY: I love you. I love you so much.
TOM: I love you more than life itself.
@LizardlyLots
It’s actually happening! @zigzagzoom and I are carsharing to get there tomorrow!
@zigzagzoom
dibs not driving
@LizardlyLots
Di!
@zigzagzoom
<3
RiddlesPottery
Tonight, I get proof of magic. Tomorrow, I prove it to you.
1,438,873 people liked this
Harry adjusted the lapels of his suit jacket, chewing on his lip when Ginny slapped his hands away. “Everything’s going okay?”
“Everything’s going okay, Harry,” she replied, adding more gel to his hair. “I promise. Hermione just texted me and they say that Tom isn’t even fighting with Tom Sr.”
“That would have to take a miracle,” Harry joked, stomach churning with nerves.
Ginny rose an eyebrow, holding up the mirror so Harry could see his hair. “Or just his love for you. You both want everything to be perfect.”
“Everything’s going smoothly,” Ron added, holding up his phone to reveal Luna’s messages. “Tom is asking about you, by the way. I told Luna to tell him everything was fine and that you were doing great. The guests mostly ignored the white, silver, and dark blue colour scheme, though.”
“Why are you texting Ginny’s partner and your partner is texting Ginny?”
“Because Hermione is managing Tom, and Ginny is managing you.”
Harry nodded, accepting it. He then gave in and asked, “Did my parents get here okay?”
“Ugh. I guess I’ll text the group chat to ask Malfoy if he can check up on them.”
“Wait, you’re in a group chat with a Malfoy?”
“Both of them, unfortunately.”
friends with idiots group chat
weasel: the malfoys were sorting out the guest seating, right?
thing#1: i’m on internet guest duty and draco was on actual guest duty
thing#2: what do you want
weasel: harry wants to know if his parents got here okay
thing#2: lily and james potter are being supplied with champagne and have front row seats
weasel: thanks
plant man: friendship is so touching
several people are typing…
Harry was looking at him anxiously.
“They’re fine,” Ron said, a small smile on his face. “They put Lucius on internet guest duty.”
Harry laughed, then, some of the stress slid from his shoulders. “Doesn’t he have to write out everyone’s usernames, preferred names, and pronouns onto stickers?”
“Yep.”
Ginny pulled Harry to his feet, gently tugging him over to the full length mirror. “You’re ready to go and mingle, now.”
Lucius stood by the door; smile fixed on his face as a woman with cropped blonde hair came through the door.
“Uh, hello?” she said. “Is this the Tomarry wedding?”
“Right place, right time,” he said, feeling his jaw start to ache. If it wasn’t Tom’s wedding day, he might actually murder him. “Name, username, pronouns?”
“I’m Lizzie, uh, at LizardlyLots on Twitter, she/her, please,” Lizzie said, going to bite her nails when a shorter woman with chin length dark hair batted her hands away.
“Liz, don’t mess up your nails this early,” she said, turning to Lucius with a smile. “I’m Lizzie’s best friend, Diana, at zigzagzoom on Twitter, she/her.”
“Wonderful,” Lucius replied, sticking the stickers on their chests. “Food is to your left.”
“Thank you!” Lizzie said, looping her arm with Diana’s and dragging her over to the food.
He surreptitiously massaged his jaw.
“Hey there,” a thin, tall person said. “I’m Alex, RiddlesPottery on Tumblr, they/them, please.”
“Welcome, Alex,” Lucius said. “The food is on your left.”
Harry slipped out onto the beach quietly, with little fanfare. It did not distract people from his presence, a man called Sunny with his Tumblr username as HotsForHarry making an instant beeline for him. Harry chose to quietly slip away from that, pausing for just long enough to shove his glass under the goddamn champagne fountain Tom had added to their already exorbitant budget.
He turned around from that to bump into a tall, skinny person whose nametag claimed they were Alex.
“Oh,” he said, eloquently. “Hello.”
“Hello,” Alex responded, downing their entire drink in one and immediately refilling it. “Would you mind telling me how the champagne fountain fills back up? It doesn’t appear to be connected to anything and neither are there any large supplies of champagne anywhere. I’ve drunk enough to know.”
“Uh.” Harry stared at them. “I don’t really know; you should probably ask Tom or Hermione.” With that, he bolted.
Bolting from Alex at the champagne fountain led him to two women, name tags proclaiming them Lizzie and Diana. Lizzie had a smattering of freckles across her nose, and Diana was nearly half her height.
“Harry!” Lizzie called out, delighted. “It’s a pleasure to meet you for real.”
“It feels like we’re old friends, though, after listening to one hundred and forty-nine episodes of Riddle Me This on repeat,” Diana added, smiling sweetly, more genuine than the Malfoy twins had ever smiled at him.
“I’m glad you came,” Harry said, eyes flicking down to their usernames. “I think I recognise you. I’m glad you two were clever enough to work it out.”
“Thank you!” Diana said, taking a sip from her glass. “You look good today. Tom will be drooling when he sees you.”
“I might be drooling when I see him,” he replied, laughing. “You two make a cute couple.”
“Oh.” Lizzie blinked at him. “We’re not a couple.”
“I mean,” Diana said, happiness snuffed out and eyes glistening with a kind of watery longing. “We are both gay, but we’re not dating, or anything. Not like you and Tom.”
“Sorry,” Harry said, providing a panicked smile and backpedalling instantly. “Well, it was wonderful talking to you. I hope you enjoy the ceremony!”
“Ma’am,” Draco said, pointing to the arch designed for internet guests. “You need to use the other entrance.”
“No, but I have an invitation,” the woman said, pulling out a printed version of the internet invitation. “I’m Laura? I’m tomownsmyheart on Tumblr. Look, I got dressed up just for today!”
She did look beautiful, the bright yellow dress offsetting her dark skin beautifully.
“Ma’am,” Draco hissed, more forcefully this time. “You look wonderful, but the other arch is for internet guests. You get a sticker, so everyone gets to know your name.”
“Oh,” she said, a small pout sent in his direction. “Sorry, we all make mistakes. Still, it was wonderful talking to you.”
“You too,” he murmured, watching her as she slipped away.
Neville approached his arch, waving.
“Holy sh—” Harry heard.
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Ginny called. “You’ll summon Hermione and then nobody will be managing Tom.”
“I’m meeting Harry Potter,” the person breathed, and Harry turned around to see them, Brick, as their nametag claimed.
He dropped into a nervous bow, and said, “And I’m meeting Brick.”
That snapped them out of whatever awe they were under. “Sorry,” they laughed. “Got carried away. I’m oysterloyster on Tumblr.”
Harry smiled at them. “You were one of the first ones in the fandom, weren’t you?”
“Yeah!” they said. “I’m surprised but delighted that you recognised me.”
“We do stay in touch with the fans, even when we try to avoid the fanfiction.”
Brick laughed. “On that note, I saw Evan earlier. They were ginger, and strikingly pretty.”
“All unknown gingers are a threat,” Harry translated. “Got it. Lovely to meet you.”
“You too!”
He turned to leave when he bumped into someone else. “Hey,” he said, on autopilot. Greet the guests, greet the guests.
“Hey!” they said. A glance down revealed that they were Sam, he/him, or Riddlickme. “I promise I won’t steal your husband.”
“Not my husband yet.”
“But he will be. You guys are both smitten.”
“Thank you.” Harry awkwardly patted them on the shoulder, sliding his wand out of his sleeve as he walked away to refill his champagne flute while he still had enough left to increase. He couldn’t break Gamp’s laws even on his wedding day, unfortunately, so conjuring it was out of the question.
He escaped to the corner of the tent when he met someone else, whose nametag claimed they were Bread, they/them, Harmione4eva. This was going to be awkward.
“Oh,” they said, stepping back with an apologetic smile. “I didn’t see you there, sorry. Happy marriage.”
“Thank you,” he replied, toasting his glass to them. “I appreciate it.”
“I won’t ruin your wedding day,” they insisted, sipping their glass. “My internet habits have no bearing on real life. I respect your relationship, I promise.”
“Thank you,” Harry said again, meaning it a lot more this time. He conjured a flower and threaded it through the knot of their hair, smiling at them. “Party trick. I hope you enjoy it.”
Bread reached up to touch the dark blue petals of the flower. “Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.”
“Could you show me the party trick?” Alex said, staggering over, half empty champagne flute splashing liquid onto the sand.
“Um,” Harry mumbled. “I guess?” He conjured up another dark blue flower, matching it to the theme and tucking it behind their ear.
“How do you do it?”
“A magician never reveals his secrets.” Harry flashed them a quick smile before making his way over to his parents, who were delighted to see him, wrapping their arms around him in pure joy.
Ginny walked up to the largest group of internet people she’d seen so far (a grand total of three), introducing herself. “We’re glad you could make it.”
Max, Ethan, and Brook—whose stickers proclaimed them to be PodcastsKilledMe, JerryHarryWho, and PeakHumour respectively—were delighted to meet her, and pleasant enough to spend time with. She also saw Aurora, TomarryFangirl, guiding a drunk Alex to sitting back down, refastening the blue flower they had on them, and saw TomarryHeadcanons (Logan) and tomarry-is-real (Lisa) engaged in a strong conversation.
“You run the whole blog by yourself?” Lisa said, aghast.
“Worse,” Logan said with a self-deprecating grin. “It’s my main blog.”
“Oh my god.”
Another round of the tent got her to meet Morgan, HermioneNon-BinaryLove, and Robyn, riddlemorelikekissable. They were both rather nice and filled in her time before she slipped off to be Tom’s third bridesmaid—she had insisted, even if she was Harry’s moral support of the day.
“Harry,” she called. “The ceremony is about to start. Get Ron up into best man position; I’m off to see Tom.”
“Have fun,” he replied, heading up past the chairs, setting his glass down on the nearest table.
The ceremony about to start, Lucius was only standing by the arch for the next five minutes maximum. Just because he hated being roped into preparations didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be there for Tom’s wedding, and he wasn’t going to miss Tom in a dress that was closer to Lucius’ expenses than Tom’s husband-to-be.
That was when the last guest rushed up, a dark blue and silver dress swirling around their knees.
“Sorry I’m late,” they said. “I’m Belle, RiddleDiddleDo, she/her. Thank you,” she added as he fastened the sticker to her dress then followed her inside.
A quiet settled over the crowd, the anticipation thick in the air.
It was starting.
Harry had never seen anyone more beautiful than Tom walking down the aisle, three bridesmaids ahead of him, each holding flowers, arm tucked in his father’s grip, dress flowing out alongside him. He’d gone all out, makeup and heels completing the ensemble, smiling a shier smile than Harry had ever seen him smile before, but eyes alight with the same jubilancy reflected in Harry’s.
It was real. They were actually getting married.
“Hey,” he murmured as Tom reached him, the pair of them losing all sense of composure and grinning at each other widely.
If you’d asked him, Harry couldn’t have told you what Tom Sr. had said as he gave his only son away, or what Ron had said during most of the speech, or even what the officiant said. He remembered murmuring identical I dos, and he remembered the ring, which was, in fact, a gold snake ring, sliding onto his finger, and he remembered pressing his lips to Tom’s and kissing the life out of him, and Tom kissing back with equal ferocity. He remembered staring at Tom as he signed the papers, and he remembered the resulting party as a blur.
Mostly, he remembered Tom.
Tom was radiant, in a dress, although he was handsome and beautiful and gorgeous all the time, he was all the more so now. He knew photos were being taken and magic was being performed and drinks were being had, but he remembered clasping hands with Tom and taking to the dance floor, a slow waltz at first twisting into dance music neither of them ever wanted to hear again but had danced to with wild abandon, bright smiles adorning their faces.
He remembered making fast friends with most of the internet guests, and he remembered apologetically obliviating them, but mostly, he remembered Tom.
And he thought of that night in the morning, when he woke up beside Tom, not for the first time or the last, but definitely his favourite time.
“Hey,” Tom said, that morning, the faded smudges of lipstick still on his mouth. “Kiss me, then, my darling husband.”
RiddlesPottery
I drank so much last night. I don’t even remember what happened, but I promise you, I will get that proof of magic.
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