Chapter Text
“Mind if I sit?”
Sam looked up from her datapad, a smile forming around the spoon she’d just shoved in her mouth. “Of course!”
Graciously ignoring the garbled words and sputtered reset, Kaidan set his tray down across from hers, pulling up a chair in the same, smooth move. It had been at least a year since she’d seen her friend, and Sam found herself once again thinking the man had aged. There were a few more grey hairs peeking through, more lines at the corners of his eyes that might be from laughter, a seriousness to the set of his mouth.
But that was to be expected. You didn’t leave your home planet behind in a bid to find your husband some peace and quiet from a damn cult that thought he was a god because it was fun.
Still, for a man who had just passed forty, there were days Sam worried that her friend would be all grey before she got to see him next. But who knew? Maybe, despite all common sense, Tuchanka would be the kind of peaceful that Shepard needed. And it didn’t take a professional to know that when Shepard finally got his feet back under him, Kaidan would breathe easier, too.
Dragging a spoon through the brown colored goo that was Ensign Signet’s latest creation, Kaidan debated his plate. “You know, I think it’s actually gotten worse since we left.”
Sam laughed, trying to be discreet in case the Ensign was still nearby. “We’ve got a couple new recruits who think they can improve on the old recipes.”
Kaidan looked concerned. “This is ‘improved’?”
Sam shook her head, biting back another laugh. “At least it’s edible.”
Kaidan grunted and took a bite. When he didn’t immediately spit it back out, Sam figured it must be better than she’d been giving it credit for. Or she was just underestimating that biotic ability to choke down anything.
Taking another bite— it was possible it was straight manners; the man was known for being exceptionally polite— Kaidan looked back at her. “Sam...can I be really nosy for a minute?”
Sam blinked, water glass halfway to her lips. “Uh...sure?”
“I mean, you can tell me to shove it, if it’s too far over the line.” Kaidan prodded a lump of something within the brown good. “I consider you a friend, but even friends have to know when to stuff it.”
Sam grinned and took a drink. “So, as your friend, I can tell you to stuff it. But as a Sergeant speaking to a Major, I could get in real trouble for disrespecting a superior.”
“I’m off duty, Sergeant.”
Sam nodded, expression serious. “Yes, but that could change. You could be called to berate an upstart underling at any moment.”
Kaidan gave her a look. “That would be James’ job, as I am not your CO, and the Normandy is not under my jurisdiction.”
“But you’re a Spectre,” Sam insisted, cracks forming at the edge of her mask. “Spectres can do whatever they want—“
“Alright, knock it off,” Kaidan said, but he smiled as he said it. “You want me to sign something? ‘I, Kaidan Alenko, promise not to be a dick if my friend is offended by my nosy-ass question?”
Sam snickered, dropping the remains of her ruse. “No, I just wanted to be difficult. Vega’s still getting used to his command, so sometimes it’s a little too serious around here.”
“Or the Normandy’s previous crew was a bunch of disrespectful nutjobs who would put up with anything if it got the job done,” Kaidan replied.
Now, Sam did look offended. “ Kaidan … I don’t care what your rank is, mister. Those soldiers are some of my best friends, and I will not have those disrespectful nutjobs spoken of like that by one of their own.”
Kaidan’s laughter drew curious glances from some of the newer soldiers. Over by the kitchen, Engineer Donnelly sighed happily into a mug of coffee, wondering if it was odd to be nostalgic over another man’s good mood. Sam smiled back, glad to see her joke had landed.
It really was a little too serious around here some days.
Watching Kaidan take another bite of the brown stuff, Sam rested her chin on her fist. “Alright, then: ask your question.”
Kaidan swallowed and picked up his own glass. “What’s up with you and Jack?”
Sam took her time, thinking through the memories. Several years ago, that would have been an easy, if maybe embarrassing, question. Back when the Citadel was still a thing in the sky, not scattered debris across half a solar system, Jack had been a couple of nights Sam hadn’t expected to happen, but had thoroughly enjoyed. The few months she’d stayed at the Alenko orchard, Jack had been a lot of things, but they’d never really talked about how the sex factored into any kind of bigger picture.
Really, they’d never talked about a lot of things.
It was sometimes a surprise to people that Kaidan was polite; sometimes, they just thought he was quiet, or standoffish. But even people who thought poorly of the Major knew he was patient. Sam appreciated that it was a brand of patience that didn’t sit up and stare; Kaidan wanted the information, but he also wasn’t going to lean on her for it. She’d give it to him, or she wouldn’t.
It was possibly just a sound tactic, because she couldn’t be the first person who felt more inclined to talk because Kaidan appeared vaguely disinterested. “I’m not really sure.”
Stabbing the lump with his spoon, Kaidan nodded slowly. “ ‘Not sure’ good or ‘not sure’ bad?”
“What’s the difference?”
“Is there a conversation that needs to be had, but you haven’t gotten around to it,” Kaidan asked, “or are you trying to end something, but it’s going to be messy and you don’t want to deal with it?”
“When you decide to be nosy, you certainly don’t hold back,” Sam said, dryly.
Kaidan shrugged. “You’re my friend. And truthfully, I was...surprised. Not that I spend a lot of time wondering about your private life, but Jack seemed like an...unexpected choice.”
That was fair. She’d been a little surprised herself at the initial attraction.
“But if I’m going to be nosy,” Kaidan went on, “I should also be honest. And Jack means a lot to John. So, I’m curious.”
“You’re worried,” Sam corrected.
“I’m...gathering intel,” Kaidan parried. “At the end of the day: it’s not my life, or John’s, and you certainly didn’t ask my opinion on any of it. But Jack’s always going to be a part of John’s life, and if you’re a more permanent part of her’s, then by extension…” Kaidan waved his spoon in a vague kind of gesture.
Sam squinted at her friend. “So...this is keeping track of the pieces? Or you’re worried I’ll be some kind of…” she wrinkled her nose, not sure what to say, “bad influence?”
“Keeping track,” Kaidan said. He added, maybe a little too quickly, “I don’t want to leave you with the impression that I’m trying to weigh in.”
“Good,” Sam said.
“I just wasn’t sure what to think.” Kaidan scooped up a piece of the bisected lump. “ ‘Girlfriend’ seemed presumptuous of me, but…” He shrugged again. “I wasn’t sure.”
“Girlfriend” did seem a bit much. Any formal title seemed somehow wrong. While this...thing...with Jack had been technically going on for years now, prior to the orchard, there had been only those few nights. A few enjoyable, enthusiastic, eventually exhausting nights, but...just a few. And if Cortez hadn’t made that call, Sam didn’t know if she’d have seen Jack again. Their careers didn’t really cross paths much, and since being reinstated to active duty, Sam hadn’t heard from Jack even once. Not that she’d reached out— she didn’t even know where Jack was.
And if she didn’t know what to call them, then how was she supposed to answer Kaidan’s question? Or anyone else’s? Because while it had been a year since she’d seen Jack, since they’d done...anything...were they...anything? Communication still lagged in certain parts of the galaxy, so it was possible that Jack just thought they were temporarily out of touch. And if she thought they were in some kind of relationship, then Sam wouldn’t want to be unfaithful. She wasn’t sure she wanted a relationship, but she certainly didn’t want it to end badly because she’d misunderstood what was going on.
But Jack hadn’t mentioned anything like that. Relationships or exclusivity or anything of the sort. Even after all that time at the orchard— most of which was, in fact, not spent having sex— Jack hadn’t mentioned anything about the future; her own or anyone else’s. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing that Jack thought about.
An aborted choking sound pulled her from her thoughts. Covering his mouth with his hand, Kaidan spat out whatever the lump had been.
Apparently, there were things even a biotic couldn’t stomach.
Looking vaguely apologetic, Kaidan prodded the slightly slimier piece of food over to its other half. “I wouldn’t eat that part, if I was you.”
Sam looked down at her own plate, the brown goo congealing slowly around her abandoned spoon. “I rather thought I might not eat any of it.”
“Waste of rations, Sergeant.”
“This isn’t your jurisdiction, Spectre.”
Kaidan chuckled. “If you skip the lumps, it’s really not so bad. Tastes almost like gravy.”
“Mmm,” Sam hummed, “nutrient gravy. My favorite.”
She watched Kaidan dutifully finish off most of his portion, ordering and reordering her words as the Mess Hall around them buzzed with the mixed reviews of today’s lunch. When Kaidan set his now empty glass back on the tray, she finally spoke. “I wouldn’t say girlfriend.”
It took Kaidan a moment to reorient back to the earlier discussion. “OK.”
Sam folded her arms on the table in front of her. “I wouldn’t say...anything. I’m not really sure.”
Kaidan nodded, but didn’t speak.
“I know we get along, and I know we enjoy each other’s company, and I don’t think either of us has put much thought into...into any kind of ‘next’.” Maybe Kaidan had been close with that “conversation that needs to be had” bit. “Up until those few months at your family’s orchard, I’m not sure ‘next’ was worth thinking about.”
Kaidan nodded, again. “Up until the orchard, I don’t think anyone did.”
“Anyone?” Sam asked.
“You two were suddenly very close,” Kaidan said. “Or that’s how it felt to the rest of us. There were a couple of short ‘did you know’ type conversations, but no plotting.” Kaidan smiled, deflecting the paranoia he saw in her expression. “Mostly, I think James was just worried he’d overlooked another major relationship.”
“Another?”
A self-conscious smile pulled at Kaidan’s lips. “Apparently, James didn’t know about John and I until...until that week of improvised shore leave.”
Shepard had kept too much inside, for far too long, and Sam knew Kaidan had been the one to find their old CO, face sliced open by his own hand. She wondered if something like that hurt less after enough years, if the memory ever really faded for good.
“It was a fairly standard question,” Kaidan said, clearing his throat to clear the memory. “Vega had been listed as in charge of any away missions, should they arise before we made it back to the Citadel. When he pressed on why it wasn’t me…”
Sam thought back to Cortez’s knowing smile when Vega had wondered aloud about why Daniels and Donnelly had a note in their file that said they had to be assigned together. “They’re great as a duo, Esteban; why do they need a formal footnote?”
“Hell of a way to find out.”
“The way you and Jack just kind of...fell into each other’s orbit,” Kaidan lifted one shoulder, unsure. “I know John was worried he’d missed something important.”
“Well,” Sam said, drawing out the word to buy time for the rest of the sentence to form, “if it does turn out to be something important, I’m sure Jack will let Shepard know.”
“Hopefully after she lets you know,” Kaidan said, offering a small smile as a truce for the intrusion.
Sam laughed, accepting the olive branch. “Yes, hopefully after she lets me know.”
Pushing back his chair, Kaidan stood. He picked up his tray, years of service not about to simply disappear because he wasn’t assigned to a specific ship anymore. “Thanks, for letting me be nosy.”
“Will this ward off any other inquisitions?” Sam asked.
“Yes,” Kaidan chuckled, “I think it will.”
“Good.”
“And…” Kaidan hesitated, then said it anyway, the affection clear in his voice, “whatever it is, I’m glad you’re happy.”
Sam smiled to herself as her friend walked over to dispose of the inedible parts of his lunch. She had been happy, with the couple of nights and the couple of months. But now that she’d had to say it out loud, she knew the vagaries of...whatever this was...would bother her more. At least the part concerning any potential monogamy. She was fine with monogamy— big fan, actually— but both sides had to agree, had to know what the other person was expecting. And that meant talking about it.
Which meant, for once, she needed to figure out how to call Jack. Set up an intentional meeting. Make this thing...formally...something…which might just kill the entire thing stone dead.
But not this very instant. She’d need to hunt down where Jack had gone after Kaidan and Shepard left Earth, and her lunch break was almost over. Not to mention that her job had to come first, obviously, and then there were the meetings that someone up the chain of command had decided didn’t happen often enough. And of course, she was supposed to help EDI reconfigure part of her cognitive processors, so they could take the last of the AI shackles back off. A big part of Vega’s taking command of the Normandy had been the unshackled, ex-Cerberus, definitely opinionated AI that lived inside the ship.
Apparently, some people had a problem with that.
Gathering the remains of her own lunch, Sam stood. It was entirely possible she was just stalling, but the work did actually need to get done. And it wasn’t like Jack had contacted her yet. And, really, looking around at the bunch currently serving on the Normandy, it wasn’t like Sam was going to have to worry about being tempted into infidelity anyway.
If that’s even what this thing was.
Maybe she should just have told Kaidan to stuff it.