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“What’s the difference between moobs and tiddies,” Taichi walked into the living room, hand carrying a finished soda can. His question stilled the various pencils trying to do their last minute summer homework. Azami immediately started packing his things, wanting nothing to do with the conversation. Kumon’s hand around his arm was the only thing stopping him from leaving, the older boy’s eyes honing in on Taichi.
“Shut up, dog,” Yuki immediately snapped, the fingers in his hair tightening more as he tried to zone in on his work, eyes red from undersleep the day before. He should’ve known listening to Muku’s one more episode! was a bold face lie and the pink-haired youth is lucky that Yuki likes him A LITTLE to spare him from his imminent death from suffocation by cloth.
“No, no, let the man speak,” Banri looked up from his phone from the kitchen counter. It was getting boring looking at the younger kids, intrigued for the first time since they all crammed into the living room and kicked him from the couch. Half of them weren't even sitting on the fucking seats, sitting crisscrossed on the floor.
“Um, what do you mean by moobs and t.. Tid… pectorals,” Muku stuttered out, a little flushed. Azami tugged at Kumon’s hand desperately, but sagged when Kumon only started grabbing more of the other, fascinated.
“Like, I was just thinking about how like, there’s this idea of moobs — man boobs if you will — but there’s also like, tiddies,” Taichi rubbed at his chin, his arms folded in thought. “They’re still considered like, man boobs, but like, what’s the difference? There has to be a difference, right? Otherwise there wouldn’t be two terms..?”
“I mean you and idiot are pretty synonymous,” Yuki sighed out, forgoing his homework knowing nothing will be done until the question is answered. “I don’t know, what’s the difference?”
“That’s why I’m asking you guys! It’s been really bothering me and I thought: ‘hey, there’s the high schoolers downstairs, why not ask them?’”
“Please, please. I want to leave. I need to leave,” Azami begged, but his words were left ignored.
“I think big bro has tiddies! Moobs don’t really fit,” Kumon fought off Azami trying to bite off his hand, and pulled him into a pseudo-embrace, a bro friendly headlock, if you would.
“Yeah, I agree,” Taichi hummed. While Banri scoffed.
“You got something to say about big bro’s tiddies, One-Length?!”
“Kinda gross we’re talking about Hyodo’s tits. I think Tasuku and Omi have tiddies though,” Banri shrugged and went back to his phone. He couldn’t even open his lock screen when Taichi grabbed him. “Yo, what the fuck?”
“Wait, wait what do you mean tits. Guys can have tits? You agree that guys can have tits?” Taichi was borderline shaking him, and only stopped when Banri struggled out of his hold.
“Of course guys can have tits. Trans rights, dude, what the fuck,” Banri walked over to the other end of the room, and plopped down by Yuki, who grimaced and tucked his skirt closer to himself. “What, you got a problem?”
“Don’t want your horrible fashion sense to touch me. But if Juza has tits, why can’t Mom? I think he qualifies for that.”
Taichi collapsed, his hands on the floor. “Guys can have tits. Oh my God this changes everything.”
“I think so too! There’s a difference but I’m not sure,” Muku mumbled, chewing on his thumb nail. Kumon reached over, still holding Azami in a headlock.
“Careful, Muku, you cut your nails the other day you’ll break your skin! I still don’t think big bro has tits, though. He’s big but not as big as Omi- san ! That’s why he has tiddies!”
“Wait, what does that make the Money-Grubbing Yakuza?” Yuki asked, and Azami immediately bit through Kumon’s jean pants, making him yelp and release the younger boy.
“OW! Azami, that’s not nice!”
“I’m out, I’m out, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you I’m out,” Azami pointed to each person in the room and made a hasty exit, his footsteps echoing down the hall.
Banri rolled his eyes, “He’ll come back, he's just being a baby.”
“FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY SHITHEAD.” Came out his cry.
“Wait, Azami! Are we still on for ‘ Soccer Baseball Death Match!’ later?” Kumon yelled out after him. There were a couple more footsteps sounding closer and Azami’s head poked up.
“Don’t forget to bring the black candy,” Azami’s voice called out, and the footsteps went back, the stairs creaking under his weight.
“Anyway,” Yuki examined his nails. “Tits, tiddies, moobs, who’s got them.”
“Well, I think We can agree t, ti, the first one is probably the biggest? Since it shares the name with the other… meaning.” Muku stuttered out, twirling a piece of his hair. “So I think Omi has those.”
“He gives really comfy hugs!” Interrupted Kumon. “Have you ever pressed your head against them? They’re really soft!”
“I don’t know, he’s pretty jacked,” Banri shrugged, crossing his arms as he leaned back on the couch. “I don’t think I’d consider Tasuku having tits, feels off.”
“Oh, no, that man has tits, what are you talking about?” Yuki raised his brow. “Actually, why do you think Juza has tits anyway, they’re not that impressive.”
“Hey—” Banri said at the same time Kumon piped up.
“Hey! You take that back, my big bro’s—” He stopped at Muku’s hand on his. Muku shook his head slowly, while Yuki laughed into his hand.
“God, Bro-fucking-Con. Anyway, kind of gay to notice a man’s tits as a man, just saying.”
“Wait, Rurikawa, you homophobic or something?” Banri growled, a vein almost popping out of his temple.
Yuki looked at him with a flat expression. If his face was any flatter, he would become 2D. “Look at me and say that again.”
“Fuck, chill, you can be gay and homophobic, I don’t care. Love is love, hate is hate. Anyway, no I’m not gay for Hyodo, I’m just telling it how it is. I’m his roommate, I should know.”
“Hm. Interesting. Dog, what do you think?”
Taichi sniffed and sat up, his eyes clear. “I think this is where the difference matters! We’ll just keep arguing over who has which if we don’t have a concrete definition to it!”
Muku tilted his head, “So do you have any ideas? I’m still for the largest being t, tits.”
“Ay, up top, man. T-virginity gone,” Banri leaned over and raised his hand.
Muku tentatively pressed his hand onto Banri’s, “Please don’t say it like that.”
“Whatever. I still say Hyodo has tits.”
“I don’t think big bro has tits! And not because you’re saying it, but I think tits are too harsh. For sure, he has tiddie,” Kumon piped up, Muku nodding along.
“Yeah, I think tits are a bit, softer? Like round. But tiddies are like, muscles.”
“Does that mean that Tasuku has tiddies?” Taichi tilted his head. “I don’t know if you guys hugged him before, but they’re not really soft. Or comfortable. Everything about him pretty much exudes muscle, you know? He carried me once and I got bruises from his shoulder.”
Yuki hummed, “Hm. Yeah, I can see that. Retracting my first assumption, that man has tiddie. What about moobs though? I think Sakyo has moobs. He’s strong but he doesn’t have anything going for him in the chest area.”
“Ay, I love shitting on Sakyo but that’s because he got top surgery, man. Don’t disrespect his pecs, he paid for that shit,” Banri said, wagging his finger at Yuki. The younger one rolled his eyes and smacked Banri’s hand away.
“Okay? Still got moobs though. He has as much boob as Villager C.”
Muku hastily looked around before looking back at Yuki. “Careful, Tsuzuru is home and he just got back from a written exam. I don’t think he can take more psychic damage.”
“What’s this about psychic damage?” Called out a voice, and all of the boys in the lounge jumped. From the wall came a haggard Tsuzuru, dressed with sweatpants on his hips with a shirt two sizes too big on him. The writer was leaning on the wall with one hand, and another in his pocket. He was chewing on, well, hopefully something that was edible.
Muku stumbled on his words, “Oh! Tsuzuru, uh, we’re just talking about, uh—”
“Tsuzuru! What’s the difference between moobs, tiddies, and tits!” Taichi outright shouted, jumping from his spot on the floor.
The college student blinked, his eyebags sagging as he blinked one eye at a time. He took out an orange from his pocket and bit into it. Yuki and Banri made a face.
“Dude, what the fuck—” Banri startled, at the same time Yuki yelled.
“—What is wrong with you?!”
Tsuzuru only shrugged, “It’s edible and good for you. It’ll just be food waste otherwise. Anyway, what was your question again?”
At this, Taichi sprang to his side, arm around his shoulder. “Come on a journey with me. There’s three man boob types: moobs, tiddies, and tits. What’s the distinction between them? I think we’re onto something. So far Omi has tits, Juza and Tasuku have tiddies, and Sakyo -nii has moobs.”
“So do you, by the way,” Banri laughed, and Kumon and Muku slapped both of his knees. “Ay, we’re all thinking about it!”
Yuki leaned over, “Probably don’t try him, he looks like he’ll eat a horse. Maybe you, if he’s feeling feisty.”
Tsuzuru blinked and took another, slow bite out of his orange. He hummed a bit, and after a moment, nodded. “Nah, that’s fair. And hey, Sakyo paid for his moobs. We gotta respect the grind.”
“Lord, he’s out of it,” Banri said, a huge smile on his face, hand brushing his bangs upwards. “Do you think we can make him say anything?”
“What do you think,” Kumon started, leaning forward as if Tsuzuru was saying the word of the Messiah. “Makes each man boob a unique man boob?”
“The sound.”
“The sound?” They all said, incredulously.
“What the hell do you mean the sound, Villager C?” Yuki asked, his brows furrowed.
Tsuzuru made a groping gesture. “Honk, honk.”
“Hey,” Taichi said, both hands on Tsuzuru now, rather than just his arm. “Maybe we should get you back to bed, man!” At this, the front door bell jingled, singling someone coming home.
“I’m home!” It was Omi. They all turned, Yuki and Banri’s necks cracking at having to move a full 180. Omi was in his windbreaker, one hand holding a bag and the other holding his jacket closed. “Oh, hello, everyone! Do you guys want snacks? Me and Citron went out to the market and—”
Tsuzuru got out of Taichi’s hold, and went to Omi. Omi smiled at him, sweet and bright, until the writer took another bite of the orange, holding it in his mouth, and goes for Omi’s chest.
“Dude, what—” Banri started, only to be interrupted by a loud HONK .
A silence heavier than the rock on Sisyphus's shoulders resounded among the teens. It was as if Plato himself came to life and showed them the shadows of the cave, luring them into cursed knowledge. Tsuzuru groped his chest again.
HONK .
“Omi, did you release the geese?! No, no! I have not procured the peas!” Citron came running in, bags of frozen peas falling out of his arms. Yuki slowly curled into himself. Banri fell flat onto the floor. Muku hid his face in his hands, and Kumon let out a startled laugh. Inside Omi’s jacket, five small geese came out, Omi catching them deftly. Tsuzuru took the orange out of his mouth.
“Honk, honk,” he said sagely.