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Zhao Yunlan presses his hands to Shen Wei's cheeks, pulling their foreheads together for a moment. Shen Wei lets his touch centre him for that one moment, even if it can't quite do enough. Not now. Not here. Not when Shen Wei knows what's coming next.
He knows how hard it is for Zhao Yunlan to leave him and didi alone for this. But Zhao Yunlan had tried to watch exactly once and it had—not ended well. Shen Wei can still vividly remember holding onto a shaking Zhao Yunlan, while he vomited violently. While Shen Wei frantically tried to heal all his own wounds, holding onto Zhao Yunlan and trying to comfort him at the same time. He remembers how didi had fled the room, convinced that Zhao Yunlan wouldn't want to see him right then. He might have been right too.
It had taken too long for any of them to know quite how to act around each other again after that. Too long for them to try to talk about it, instead of accidentally bumping into each other's still raw wounds. Even if those wounds were only metaphorical at that point. They seemed to hurt all the more for it.
No, Zhao Yunlan can't be present for this. Shen Wei smiles a bit and then presses his lips against Zhao Yunlan's briefly, long enough that Zhao Yunlan's lips move against his in a quiet, tender kiss.
Zhao Yunlan draws in a shaky breath and then pulls further away. "I'll be in the garden—if you… if you need me," he says, having to stop for a bit to steady himself. Shen Wei wants to reach out for him, wants to tell him that it'll be fine, but he's afraid that might just make it worse for Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei just nods at him, and Zhao Yunlan nods firmly back and gets up from the bed. He turns around to face didi. Didi stares at Zhao Yunlan with a closed-off expression that makes Shen Wei hurt. Guilt squirms inside Shen Wei and he tries to tell himself that they've talked about this, that they're all okay with this. But then why is it still so difficult?
Zhao Yunlan doesn't even hesitate to wrap his arms around didi and step closer to him, holding him in a tight hug. Shen Wei can see the startled expression on didi's face, and the tentative way his arms rise to hold onto Zhao Yunlan's shoulders.
"You'll take care of Xiao Wei," Zhao Yunlan says, his voice quite steady this time, like there's no doubt at all that that's exactly what didi will do.
Didi closes his eyes and breathes out slowly. Somehow, Shen Wei's heart clenches and floods with warmth at the same time. Thank you, Zhao Yunlan, he thinks quietly, and says nothing at all.
Then didi smirks quickly, hugs Zhao Yunlan a bit tighter and pushes him away while saying, "Of course, Lanlan. That's what I'm here for."
Didi more or less herds Zhao Yunlan out of the room. Shen Wei is almost grateful to have him gone, because he's not sure he could stand making Zhao Yunlan worry for a moment longer. Not that Zhao Yunlan won't worry even if he isn't there, but it won't be—at least it won't be quite so blatant to all of them.
"Gege!" didi snaps out sharply, and Shen Wei's gaze snaps to didi's face. "Take off your clothes," didi tells him.
Yes, of course. Shen Wei should have done that already, he thinks and quickly starts undressing. His fingers tremble over the buttons of his shirt. He takes a breath and steadies himself before didi loses patience and simply rips the clothes off Shen Wei. There's no reason to ruin perfectly fine clothing.
He folds his clothes and sets them neatly aside while didi waits rather impatiently. With each item of clothing, it feels like the anticipation inside Shen Wei grows, until he feels like his skin is buzzing, like it might not be able to contain him, like he can't— Shen Wei needs this, needs it for himself and needs to give this to didi and he's so sorry that it hurts Zhao Yunlan and he can't—
Didi's hand closes over Shen Wei's wrist, squeezing tightly. Shen Wei gasps, feeling his bones grind together. His breath steadies somewhat. The next moment didi shoves him down onto the bed, pressing Shen Wei down and straddling him. Didi is still wearing his white clothes and the fabric of his trousers rubs against Shen Wei's naked thighs.
A knife materialises in didi's hand, its sharp blade glinting in the electric light. Shen Wei's eyes are caught on that sharp edge, his breath trembling suddenly, his fingers tingling with anticipation and fear. He wants this and yet the fear is sharp and biting, leaving him trembling and breathless under didi.
"Gege, look at me," didi whispers his demand and Shen Wei pulls his eyes off the blade to meet didi's eyes. Didi's eyes look deep into his like didi is looking for something in the depths of them. Then he smirks at Shen Wei, sharp like the knife in his hand. "You're always afraid, gege," didi says, sounding satisfied. Sounding like he's enjoying Shen Wei's fear.
Good, Shen Wei thinks. And then before Shen Wei can think about anything else the knife sinks into his belly with one quick thrust. Shen Wei jerks and didi's hand presses against his mouth to muffle his cry. Didi jiggles the knife a bit, making hot agony spread through Shen Wei's belly. His head falls back, and didi pulls his hand away from his mouth. Shen Wei pants, trying to catch his breath, when didi suddenly pulls the knife downward, cutting Shen Wei open with one vicious, hard slice.
Shen Wei screams. He can't help it. There's a moment of complete stillness, his belly throbs with pain and Shen Wei lifts his head to look at didi. Didi's white clothes are stained red, the knife held up before his face as didi seems to admire the blood dripping from it for a moment before looking down at Shen Wei and smirking.
Didi looks perfect like this, Shen Wei thinks. Then didi looks lower down Shen Wei's body, at Shen Wei's belly, at the bleeding cut radiating pain through Shen Wei's body. The smile on didi's lips is teasing. "I love you like this gege. Vulnerable. Open," didi says, his fingers tracing the edge of the deep cut on Shen Wei's belly. Then didi's fingers press down harder, slipping beyond the edge of the wound, pressing inside Shen Wei.
Shen Wei gasps. The pain throbs harder, sending flashes of burning, hot pain through Shen Wei's nerves as he feels didi inside him—touching Shen Wei, widening the gash on his belly. Shen Wei's breath shudders. Didi smirks and pulls his hand away.
"Didi…" The quiet plea slips from Shen Wei's lips.
"Don't worry, gege. There's a long way to go yet," didi says, with that wicked smirk, and presses the knife tip against Shen Wei's skin again and then ever so slowly pushes it inside Shen Wei.
Shen Wei sobs.
Zhao Yunlan stares at Shen Wei in Ye Zun's arms. He's wrapped in a blanket, his hair slightly damp and no matter how carefully Zhao Yunlan looks, there's no trace of blood anywhere. The anxiety that's been swirling inside Zhao Yunlan that he's been trying not to think about, slowly starts to let go.
Ye Zun sets him down on the couch and then grabs Zhao Yunlan by the arms and shoves him toward the couch too. Ye Zun is bare-chested, only wearing a pair of silk pyjama bottoms, riding very low on his hips. Just as fresh from a shower as Shen Wei.
"I'll go clean up the rest," Ye Zun says in a tone of voice that Zhao Yunlan can't quite make sense of. He isn't sure if he likes it. He quickly grabs for Ye Zun's arm and manages to get hold of his wrist.
He can't pull Ye Zun closer, so instead, he steps closer, pressing himself against Ye Zun's side. He presses his lips against Ye Zun's bare shoulder. His skin is still damp like he hadn't quite bothered to dry himself off, and Zhao Yunlan's clothes soak in the water still clinging to Ye Zun's skin.
"Thank you," Zhao Yunlan tells him softly. He can't… He doesn't have the words to say more than that, can't explain exactly what he's thanking Ye Zun for. He lifts a hand to Ye Zun's cheek, pressing his palm against the cool skin. "Thank you," he says again and hopes that it will be enough.
Ye Zun's breath shudders a little, the tenseness bleeding away from him along with that breath. Zhao Yunlan manages a small smile. Ye Zun just nods and then leans his head in slightly against Zhao Yunlan's hand.
And then Ye Zun seems to be back to himself again, a tiny smirk on his lips as he says, "Go cuddle gege, I'm sure he needs it."
Zhao Yunlan nods and lets go of Ye Zun and instead crawls onto the couch with Shen Wei. Shen Wei's eyes are half-lidded as he watches Zhao Yunlan. Zhao Yunlan presses himself close, wrapping his arms around Shen Wei, who is loose-limbed and relaxed in a way Zhao Yunlan almost never sees him. Shen Wei hums contentedly as Zhao Yunlan nuzzles against him.
Tenderly he brushes a bit of damp hair away from Shen Wei's forehead, smiling softly at him. He wishes it didn't take quite so much for Shen Wei to relax like this, but he's grateful to be able to see it anyway.
The last of the worry that's been lingering inside Zhao Yunlan finally melts away.