Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Just like many times before, Sunghoon wished he had the ability to control his heart.

It would make it so much easier if no one could hear it hammering against his ribs, if no one thought that it was keeping such a fast pace because he was terrified. He wouldn’t have to worry about suffering from a heart attack now, or about going through any heart problems later, assuming he would manage to survive the next hour and grow old in the future. 

Instead of trying to control his heart, maybe he should focus on keeping his emotions in check. Though, that thought felt much more abstract than being able to tell his heart what to do.

And so, just like many times before, his heart raced and his hands tingled as if thousands of thin needles were prickling his skin to the point of numbing it. There was a noise roaring in his ears like wind. His lips burned, just like his face. 

Sunghoon’s gaze slid over Jay and Heeseung and then, as if he didn’t exist—he’d be grateful if he didn’t exist—over Noir. In the end, once again, it fell upon Jake, and Sunghoon had to mould his feelings into something more solid to stop himself from doing something stupid.

It wasn’t the first time Sunghoon saw Jake hurt. He had played paintball with him too many times, just like he watched him and his dad play (from a safe distance). He had eyed his bruises judgmentally after his basketball practices or rugby matches with his friends (some of these rugby matches turned out to be a fraud). He had sighed heavily when he wasn’t fast enough to stop Jake from walking into a street lamp when he was so drunk that it was impressive he was still able to stand.

He was never going to forget what the hunters did to his back.

He had seen Jake bleed many times. Like that one time when they were still children and Jake scraped his knees because he tripped over a root. Or that other time when they were spending their summer at Jake’s house— Jake tore his shoulder on a wooden fence because Sunghoon, playfully, shoved him too hard. There was a lot of blood and Sunghoon told Jake they were going to have to amputate his arm. Jake didn’t take it well.

There had always been a lot of blood spilling between them and they accepted it cheekily until too much of it had been spilt and they couldn’t bear sight of it anymore.

He had seen him cry, too, he had seen many emotions hiding in his eyes or carving new expressions into his face the way water reshaped a stone; so slowly and quietly that if Sunghoon hadn’t been looking closely, he would have missed it like so many others did.

And yet, he wasn’t sure he had seen Jake like this. With his eyes glistening, his face drained of any colour, the collar of his grey T-shirt coloured red; with blood seeping from the side of his face—he must have hit his head against something sharp—and his fist clenched so tightly that the tendons in his hands looked as if they were about to snap.

Jake was leaning against the windowsill as heavily as if it was the only thing keeping him standing. 

Maybe it was. 

Maybe it was something he had hit his head against. Maybe he had just risen to his feet, wanting to strike but finding himself too dizzy to do so. Maybe the fury welling up in his eyes like tears, locking the muscles of his jaw and hands, was the only indication that he might have just wished that his body was less human.

At least, this was what Sunghoon wished now, for himself and for Jake. 

Jake had no weapons at hand but Sunghoon doubted he would have come to a vampire’s house unprepared, even if it was only Heeseung he was coming to, one of the four vampires he had decided to vouch for. 

A glance towards the couch was everything Sunghoon needed. Jake didn’t come unprepared but his knife laid just next to Noir’s lacquered shoes, its polished blade stained with blood. 

Sunghoon hadn’t paid attention to Noir’s shoes before but for some reason, he thought they didn’t suit him. They had to be too clean for the person he was, manoeuvring around bloodless corpses, sidestepping dirty bone shards.

Sunghoon looked at Jake again, his mind going blank, because what if he missed another wound on him? But then, his eyes shifted to Heeseung, and he noticed that the material of his shirt was soaking wet.

Sunghoon hadn’t seen it before, when he and Jay had followed Heeseung into the corridor. Even now, he stupidly thought that Heeseung must have wetted his shirt when he had been washing dishes. Because obviously, what could Heeseung have been doing before Jake visited him, other than cleaning, making sure that the plates piled up in the kitchen cabinets hadn’t gathered any dust?

He was wrong, of course, he had to be wrong.

“Such a waste.” Noir’s voice was low and soft in a way that probably didn’t match his eyes; Sunghoon couldn’t look him in the face yet but he knew that Noir’s gaze turned to Heeseung, the spark of his eyes leaving Jay. No, Noir’s eyes had followed Heeseung the moment Noir turned around to face them after the three of them walked into the room. “I should have you killed for that.”

Noir’s eyes were fixed on Heeseung. Jay’s body tensed up even more as if he was ready to throw himself at the man any second now. Sunghoon’s knees felt weaker, as if he, just like Jake, was seconds away from losing his balance and having a close meeting with the floor. 

Despite looking at him, Noir wasn’t talking to Heeseung. 

A red tear splashed against the floor. Jay flinched and Sunghoon did too, a knee-jerk reaction.

Heeseung stirred, his eyes flickering to the floor. Then, to his forearm. He blinked, as if he had just now realised that there was blood slowly dripping down his fingers.

Sunghoon, too, realised it just now. Maybe his mind hadn’t wanted him to know that it was blood. 

“It’s nothing,” Heeseung said, his voice hoarse. His fingers wrapped around his forearm just like they did when Noir had cut him with his knife, all those weeks ago. “I’ll take care of it,” he added dully, almost unsurely.

Noir’s face didn’t change. It was still impassive, his eyes reflecting the colour of Heeseung’s blood. 

“Then do so,” he said, his voice rising in a question intonation when Heeseung didn’t move.

Heeseung looked over Noir’s shoulder, hesitation creeping onto his face. Noir let out a huff, and it felt so out of place like Sunghoon had never heard a vampire make such a sound. Or anyone, for that matter. 

“Hurry,” Noir pressed, not unkindly, but Sunghoon thought there was a threat to this word, because Heeseung shifted nervously, moving his weight from one leg to another, his eyes once more flickering to Jake. “I’ll wait,” Noir added, something like amusement echoing in his voice.

Heeseung didn’t answer. Pressing his lips together, he rounded the couch and walked to the kitchen, or Sunghoon assumed he did so. One second, he was standing next to Noir, the next he was shoving his forearm under the running water, his face expressionless, again.

Jay straightened his back, snapping out of whatever had tightened its grasp around his body.

“Wait for what?” Jay asked, his voice venomous.

Sunghoon should be grateful that Noir’s attention turned to them, away from Heeseung. Selfishly, he regretted it.

Noir fixed Jay with a stare. “To do anything I may need to do.”

Jay tilted his head. “That’s a bold thing to say for someone who should have never set foot in my house. Do you think you’re in a position to make any decisions?”

Noir hummed and Sunghoon was less than pleased when his attention fully shifted to Jay. At least, it seemed that Noir stopped caring about Jake, who was still standing next to the window, his chest rising a bit too fast. 

Noir didn’t answer at first, crossing his hands behind his back. His eyes roamed over Jay’s face, curiously. “You know I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been invited.”

“I suppose,” Jay said dryly. Sunghoon had no idea how he managed to sound so composed, though it could have been connected to the fact that it was the first time Jay saw Noir. “If you had been invited then you probably won’t mind if I kick your bony ass out of here, right?”

Noir raised his eyebrows but besides that, his face didn’t change. “I suppose I would mind. You’re not going to do that, so why speculate?”

Jay took a step in his direction, curling his hand into a fist with a swing, as if he was expecting it to catch on fire. “I am.”

“Hmm.” Noir didn’t even blink. “Though you grew, you haven’t changed much.”

Sunghoon stared at him.

Heeseung turned the tap off, staring at them across the room. His face was blank, watery red smeared across his forearm.

Judging by the daring tilt of Jay’s head, he sized Noir up.

“Do I know you?” he asked coolly, the words sounding as if he forced them out of his throat. 

Noir fixed Jay with another impassive look. 

“Had it not been for your father’s overprotectiveness, you would know me very well.”

Sunghoon swallowed a gasp. It came to him easily, much easier than stopping his eyes from widening, stopping any new expression from showing on his face.

Jay took a step back, so small that Sunghoon wouldn’t have noticed it if Jay hadn’t been standing right in front of him. There was no space left between their bodies anymore and Sunghoon had to tilt his head to the side to be able to see Noir from behind Jay’s back.

“What?” Jay snickered shortly, the way people did when they tried to dismiss something that was tearing their nerves to unnerving pieces.

Noir kept gazing at him in silence as if he knew that Jay wasn’t done speaking, so he didn’t bother answering, waiting for him to continue.

Heeseung shuffled in the kitchen. Sunghoon barely kept down the contents of his stomach. Jake was breathing fast and shallow, as if he was mocking the beat of Sunghoon’s heart.

“You knew my father?” Jay asked, his voice wary.

“No.” Noir tilted his head to the side. “I know him.” Noir straightened his back, his dark eyebrows twitching. “He’s alive and well, though I think you’re very well aware of that.”

“I don’t know,” Jay muttered without a pause. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Unlike me.” The black-haired vampire brushed his palms together, his nose wrinkling. “We used to be quite close before he… descended into loneliness.” Noir hummed, inspecting his hands and then bringing them down. “Well, we do stay in touch, but not as much as we used to.” Noir’s eyes flashed, a red gleam passing through the whites of his eyes. “Just enough for me to tell him that I stopped by to visit his eldest son, if I wanted to.”

Sunghoon curled his fingers into a fist to stop his hand from trembling. It didn’t work.

So that was what it was about. Was that? Was that what Heeseung had been doing it for all this time? To keep Jay’s father away from him?

Why wouldn’t he say anything?

When Sunghoon heard about Jay’s father for the first time, he thought that they—Jay and his father—should never see each other again. It was for the better. Jay didn’t miss him and his father had caused him too much pain, even if Jay insisted that he had done the right thing, that if he hadn’t done that, Jay wouldn’t have survived in the world he was born in.

No, it couldn’t be only that. Sunghoon couldn’t imagine that it was the only reason and that was what Heeseung was keeping away from him. From them. 

But Heeseung had said that Jay couldn’t know about his meetings with Noir. He hadn’t been happy when Ni-ki found out, but he seemed to be more worried about Jay finding out. It would be only natural if it was all about Jay.

Jay’s answer came immediately, as if it was something that had appeared in his head the moment after he asked Noir if he knew his father, as if it was something Jay would speak out no matter the answer Noir gave him.

“I don’t believe you,” Jay said quietly.

Noir sighed. Whole-heartedly, with his chest and shoulders rising and then falling, and an impatient sound rolling out of his throat alongside his breath.

Instead of humouring Jay, he nudged Jake’s knife with his shoe. He barely touched it, really, but the knife flew across the living room as if driven by a powerful force, and crashed into the wall with an ear-piercing noise.

Sunghoon jerked involuntarily. The red-eyed vampire sat down on the couch, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Jay, as if pondering. He looked almost nonchalant, relaxed. Probably because he’d sat on this couch before.

“Which one?” Noir raised his eyebrows and Sunghoon huffed internally. 

Maybe someone should suggest a glass of fine blood for this fine gentleman? 

“Everything you’ve just said.” Jay crossed his arms on his chest. “Save your threats for someone more naïve.”

“Have some manners,” Heeseung hissed and Sunghoon’s head snapped up as he looked at him.

Heeseung walked in their direction, wrapping his forearm with a bandage with fast, angry jerks of his hand. The expression on his face was grim as he sent a short look in the direction of the wall; Sunghoon wasn’t able to see if the knife had done any damage, but judging by Heeseung’s face, it might have.

For a second, Sunghoon thought he was talking to Jay but Heeseung stopped next to the couch, glaring at Noir, who whole-heartedly ignored him.

“As I was saying, I know your father.” Noir’s eyes didn’t leave Jay. Heeseung focused on his bandage again, avoiding Sunghoon’s eyes, his jaw tightening. “The one person I knew, though, was your mother,” Noir added, propping his hand on his lap. “Maya.”

Jay stiffened, his breath hitching. This time, Sunghoon forgot to stop himself from making a sound.

It was as if someone hit him. Blood pooled in his cheeks, and warmth spread over his face, neck and back. His ears were ringing as he stared at Noir in disbelief, just like Jay did.

Sunghoon repeated the name in his head a few times. His chest ached.

Maya. 

The name of Jay’s mother. The name he had never… never asked for, he…

Jay never mentioned her, not besides… But he’d never mentioned her name. 

And Sunghoon had never asked. 

He didn’t know the name of his father either. What did he know about Jay’s family, anyway?

Just that they lived with him, in this house. 

“She adored you almost too much,” Noir continued calmly and Sunghoon wondered if it was the first time Jay heard his mother’s name in a long, long time. “But then, only mothers can express such love for their sons. Your father was relieved that you didn’t take after her, after she…”

Sunghoon’s ears were still ringing. 

After she was murdered by hunters. Jay didn’t remember that either. He didn’t remember her, he was too young when she died. 

Scraps of memories of her were all he had, her voice telling him stories he later on passed to Ni-ki. Nothing more.

“Though, I had always been under the impression he refused to see it, too scared to see a ghost of her in his son. There are similarities, always.” For a few seconds, Noir’s skin seemed more grey than pale, his eyes more pink than red. “A great loss. I am even more surprised to see one of the hunters inside your house.”

Jay didn’t spare Jake a glance. Heeseung didn’t either, securing the bandage over his forearm, as if the conversation didn’t concern him at all.

He did that over and over again, Sunghoon noticed, tying and untying the knot, as if he didn’t want it to end because then, he’d have to raise his head and acknowledge all of them and everything.

Jake’s elbow slipped but despite that he managed to stay upright, sending Noir a glare. 

The vampire didn’t notice it. 

The vampire. Some damn vampire was sitting on the damn couch in the living room.

“No, I’m not really surprised.” Noir’s unmoving gaze shifted to Sunghoon. Sunghoon focused his eyes on Jay’s back. “It seems that it’s normal for you to keep humans as… friends. I wouldn’t do that if I were you but then, to make a vampire do something they don’t want is… quite exhausting. So I’m not going to do that.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Jay gritted out, his voice almost cracking. 

When Noir’s eyes turned to Heeseung, the corner of his mouth twitching, Sunghoon let out a shaky breath.

Then, another one. 

“Care to introduce me?”

Heeseung raised his eyes at them, his hand stilling. The sleeve of his shirt was still rolled up to his elbow. The rest of his forearm was covered with a bandage. It wasn’t stained with blood, not yet. Or maybe it wasn’t going to stain at all, maybe whatever wound was on Heeseung’s forearm wasn’t too serious.

Heeseung was silent for a couple of seconds. He straightened his back, looking somewhere above Sunghoon’s head.

“He’s…” Heeseung scratched the skin under his chin. His hand shed a shadow on his neck. Heeseung squinted. “Noir.” 

“Noir?” Jay repeated blankly, shifting from foot to foot.

“No, you pronounce it like Noir.”

Jay huffed, reaching his hand to push Sunghoon back, moving back with him. Sunghoon almost tripped over his leg. “Really. Is that your real name?”

Noir didn’t answer, sending Heeseung a long look. Sunghoon felt as if he was doing something wrong, observing the scene from behind Jay’s shoulder. 

He wanted to let out a hysterical laugh when he realised Noir was really waiting for Heeseung to speak for him. 

It was unnatural, as if he was genuinely trying to be funny.

A muscle in Heeseung’s jaw twitched when he blinked away from Noir’s stare. “A nickname.”

“I’m known by that name,” Noir added, crossing his legs. “I chose it myself.”

Jake let out a chuckle and Sunghoon’s head snapped in his direction. All their heads did.

Jake was paler than he had been a minute before, as if a bit of colour drained from his face each time Sunghoon turned his gaze away from him.

“That sounds so stupid,” Jake breathed out. “A nickname? Are you twelve?”

A second later, he collapsed. 

Sunghoon jolted again and though besides that he didn’t move from where he was standing—if only because his instinct whispered to him that if he moved, even Jay wouldn’t be able to save his head from being crushed in Noir’s hands—Jay outstretched his arm, barring his way, just in case.

Noir sent Jake a sour look while Sunghoon’s heart pounded in his chest. 

Fucking hell, it couldn’t be good. Jake had to get to the hospital, he…

“Shall we… deliver the coup de grâce?” Noir suggested gently and Sunghoon choked on nothing, his jaw dropping. 

The fuck? 

Noir rose from the couch but Heeseung shook his head subtly, crossing his hands behind his back. “We don’t kill people because of a concussion,” he said dryly, lifting his chin to stare at Noir contemptuously. You fucking idiot.  

Jake pushed himself up right away, sending Noir a furious look. 

“That’s fucked up,” he mumbled, slumping heavily against the wall. His eyes were glazed over, as if he had too much to drink, and Sunghoon’s mind scrambled for everything he knew about concussions.

“Still got that fire,” Noir commented dispassionately, sitting back. “For being so weak, humans are indeed resilient. Like cockroaches.”

“There has never been a cockroach here,” Heeseung muttered under his breath, stepping away from the couch.

Noir nodded at Jake. “But there is one. Maybe you should get rid of it.”

“It’s pathetic,” Heeseung answered and Noir nodded again, satisfaction pulling on the corners of his lips, “to bring down someone who keeps you alive.” Noir looked at Heeseung, offence flashing in his eyes when he realised that Heeseung wasn’t, in fact, agreeing with him.

“That’s… gracious of you to defend humans. But as I said, I’m not surprised…”

“Like hell you aren’t,” Heeseung growled, his eyes narrowing.

Jay glanced at Sunghoon over his shoulder, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Cut this farce,” Jay gritted out, turning back to Noir and Heeseung. “What the fuck is going on?”

Noir’s smile turned cold, his eyes darkening, before the smile slipped off his face completely. 

“I came here to talk.”

“Yeah? Let me tell you something, then.” Jay didn’t move from his spot, but he stood taller, looming over Noir who glanced up at him expressionlessly, his arm thrown over the back of the couch. “My father hasn’t mentioned you once. I don’t care that you know him, or that you knew my mother. You’re no one to me and you have no right to be in this house.”

“Ouch.” Noir’s face didn’t change when he tapped his fingers against the couch’s cushion. His hands were big but lean, his fingers slim. “Your father would be livid if he knew how you ended. Nevertheless, you’re probably waiting for the answer to why I am here…”

“I don’t give a f—”

“I assure you, I never come here if there are other ménage at home. It happened once and it stayed between us. Today I came here on purpose.” Noir’s eyes flickered to Heeseung who tugged at his bandage again. “Where’s your younger brother?” he asked shortly, with a sudden urgency. “I was hoping he’d join us.”

“Over my dead body,” Heeseung scowled. Noir didn’t even blink.

“I wouldn’t want that.”

“He is not going to come.” Heeseung lowered his hands again, folding them behind his back. 

“I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. I’m sure we’ll meet, sooner or later.”

Jay shifted from one foot to the other.

“How do you know my brother?”

What did he want from him? From Ni-ki?

“We met two months ago when our dear Heeseung gifted me his blood.”

“It’s not what you think it is,” Heeseung said quietly, frowning at Jay, who went silent.

“And we…” Noir leaned out slightly, just enough to look at Sunghoon behind Jay’s back, his eyes glittering almost mischievously, and really, he and Ni-ki did look similar. “ We already know each other too, don’t we?”

Sunghoon cleared his throat, panicking whether or not he should actually answer him, and Jay seemed to finally find his voice.

“He doesn’t know you,” Jay almost snarled. 

“Everyone besides you knows me, it seems,” Noir murmured, glancing at the watch hugging his wrist. “Hm…” he said under his breath. “Just a few more minutes.”

Sunghoon swallowed, exchanging looks with Jake who, hearing Noir’s words, opened his eyes. 

A few minutes… to what? 

Heeseung fiddled with his hands for a few seconds, eyeing Noir nervously, as if he weighed his options. Sunghoon could almost hear his thoughts, pictures flashing through his mind; Noir with his throat torn open, a hand burying Jake’s knife in his chest to the hilt…

“Your older brother, on the other hand,” Noir continued, resting his arm on the back of the couch again, “turned out to be a most advantageous asset but I do not presume he mentioned that to you either. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here, having to explain myself like a criminal.”

Jay didn’t answer. Jake brushed his fingers against his temple. They came back red. 

“It seems that there have been a lot of things happening.” Noir crossed his legs, tilting his head back to peer at Heeseung. Silence in the room was loud when Noir looked between Heeseung and Jay. He ignored both Sunghoon and Jake. 

Sunghoon couldn’t hear Jake’s laboured breaths anymore but Jake was awake, leaning against the wall, his eyes half-lidded, observing.

Annoyance crossed Noir’s face.

“You have to forgive me for your encounter with the werewolves.” He drummed his fingers against the cushion. “It was never supposed to happen; you’re under my protection at all times. At least, you should be. I find myself wondering whether, should any misfortune had truly befallen you, would I have been responsible for it? Would I have been the one not fulfilling my promise?”

Something cold washed over Sunghoon, in a second wiping out the heat pooling under his skin, when he realised what Noir was talking about.

Jay had been attacked by the werewolves because Noir wasn’t there to stop them. All of them almost died because…

“Under your protection,” Jay echoed, looking at Heeseung. 

Heeseung folded his arms on his chest, refusing to look at him.

“At all times,” Noir repeated helpfully. Despite his previous impassiveness, now it seemed that he wasn’t regretting coming here at all. “Even that… human of yours. After one of my visits—we met, as I said—it has come to my attention that you have developed a fondness for him.” Noir tilted his head again.

When his eyes met Sunghoon’s, he took an instinctive step back. Jay was still, waiting for Noir’s next words. Noir studied Sunghoon for a few seconds as if Sunghoon was an open book, so easy to read. 

Because he was.

“It’s dangerous, falling in love with a mere mortal,” Noir said, his eyes narrowing slightly. Sunghoon didn’t look away, his eyes boring into his. 

Heeseung let out a long breath, bowing his head, turning around to face the kitchen. Noir paid him no mind.

It was strange, looking into eyes so red. Sunghoon had thought they weren’t like any eyes he had seen before, but he had seen them before, staring at him in the darkness.

“Even more dangerous, entwining your fate with one,” Noir added and Sunghoon drew in a sharp breath. “I know what binds you together. He told me.” Noir nodded at Heeseung with his chin. “Like most things.”

There it was, the noise in Sunghoon’s ears. It was back, just like the needles probing against the tips of his fingers.

He knew. Heeseung told him everything. 

Why did he tell him that? Why did he…

“I recognise that your very existence hinges upon his.” Noir blinked lazily like what he said before wasn’t clear. “A rather pitiable state of affairs, if I may say… yet it’s not within my jurisdiction to cast judgement upon you. I’m ready to fulfil my obligations under our agreement, if he is as well.”

“Agreement.” Heeseung couldn’t see that Jay was staring at him. He didn’t want to see him staring at him.

“Our agreement.” Noir scrunched his nose. “Heeseung.”

Heeseung spun on his heel, facing them again. The corners of his lips were trembling, as if he was stopping himself from frowning. Or crying, if vampires could cry from frustration and Heeseung’s eyes weren’t burning with shame.

“Don’t be a coward,” Noir scolded him and a muscle in Heeseung’s jaw twitched.

“Then don’t throw knives at my walls,” Heeseung fired back and Noir stilled, his eyes darting to the wall.

“What does it have to do with—”

“What do you have to do with Morgor’s pack?” Jay asked, his voice quiet and harsh at the same time.

Noir’s fingers stilled. The look he sent Jay made Sunghoon’s heart race. Jay stepped closer to him, reaching to him blindly, but his hand on Sunghoon’s wrist did nothing to help Sunghoon get hold of his own heart.

“When Morgor’s pack kidnapped you and hurt your little brother, Heeseung thought it was my fault. He thought that I didn’t fulfil my end of our agreement and so, he was free to annul it.” Noir paused, not bothering to address Jay’s question. “At that time, unfortunately, I was being… quite bothered. The circumstances were most unfavourable and I could do nothing to stop your enemies from coming after you. I would have but I cannot safeguard others if I am to die; I had to take care of my own dilemmas first.”

Sunghoon’s head spun. 

Noir was supposed to protect not only Heeseung but the rest of his family, excluding Sunoo, wasn’t that right? If he failed to do that, Heeseung could withdraw from their agreement—whatever that agreement was. 

Except that Noir thought…

“I had never had issues with protecting you. Suddenly, I had to fight off a… what was that exactly, a gang of vampires? I thought…” Noir’s eyes once again bore into Heeseung. “Why would anyone want to get rid of me? And why would that person hire their friends to do that? Hm?”

Sunghoon’s throat was tight, his heart hammering against his ribcage as if it wanted to break free from between his bones. He felt nauseous, unable to digest the thought that was slowly rotting in his mind.

He was the one who had made a pact with Soobin. Noir was attacked because of him. And he thought… Noir thought it was Heeseung. 

How could he not? It was Heeseung who was on good terms with Soobin, not Sunghoon. 

Heeseung, who looked at the ceiling, as if unimpressed with Noir’s words. He had folded his arms on his chest, bored, as if he were a student listening to an especially lousy lecture.

“I may have a few ideas,” he murmured and Noir cocked his head to the side again.

Sunghoon couldn’t ignore the way Heeseung’s fingers were digging into his arms when he tried to force his hands not to tremble. 

“Without my protection, you wouldn’t be leading such a peaceful life.” Noir’s face was blank when he turned to Jay again. “Your father has many enemies who have never forgotten the king’s son.” 

“You’d be surprised at how many of them have forgotten,” Jay huffed but he sounded unsure. “Those who haven’t didn’t end well if they tried something with me.”

Jay had been attacked in the past, Sunghoon knew, but at some point, his life was finally… finally peaceful. They didn’t know for how long Heeseung and Noir had been… working together, but it couldn’t be decades, right?

“In the past, maybe.” Noir lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “In the past, you moved from place to place. It was difficult to keep track of you. But then you settled down and have stayed in the same place for eighteen years. You didn’t really think that staying in one place for so long would be possible for you, did you?”

Eighteen years. 

“I…” Jay’s voice trailed off. Heeseung was looking at him, his face pale. Jay must have looked back at him because, for a second, Heeseung’s eyes darted to the side. “ You wanted to settle down. And since that time you’ve been giving your blood to protect me?” Jay stared at Heeseung in disbelief. “We would have managed on our own, you damn fucking idiot!”

“Royal blood’s value has been growing rapidly,” Noir announced. His black hair curled on his temples as if someone had spent long hours modelling it. “While you sit in your charming wooden abode, blissfully unaware of the happenings beyond your walls there are vampires who would kill for a drop of your blood. So would hunters but they haven’t attempted to attack you. Yet.”

Heeseung cleared his throat. “He also takes care of those who know you’re your father’s son.” Heeseung sounded reluctant when he spoke. “No one knows who you are.”

Except for the whole club of vampires, probably.

Jay shook his head. “If that’s true, why do I need any protection?”

Sunghoon thought about the vampire he had met at the club. He knew that Jay was his father’s son. He knew who Jay was.

Back then, Sunghoon thought it wasn’t a secret. Jay had a reputation because of his father, because of his surname (even if Sunghoon’s surname was the same). Maybe Noir wasn’t getting rid of everyone. Maybe he was paying them for their silence. Or maybe these vampires didn’t give a shit to use that information against Jay.

“Your human pet didn’t help keep you safe either,” Noir added, eyeing Sunghoon with a frown. Sunghoon’s blood ran cold. “When he went to the club and told everyone that you owned him… Well, he did put a lot of knives into a lot of hands.”

“I solved it,” Jay hissed and somehow, it sounded childish. 

“You haven’t solved shit,” Noir refuted smoothly.

“I hunted them down, I…”

“Not all of them.,” Noir interrupted him. “You wouldn’t have been able to do all of that on your own. I had been fulfilling my duty, so there’s no need to dwell on that now— I’m not trying to prove anything to you. Ironically, that human of yours had almost been mauled by my own brother.”

Sunghoon stared at him. He was what by his brother?

“Your brother?” Jay echoed blankly.

“He knows who you are,” Heeseung answered just as flatly, peering at Jay. “He knows about many things. Annoying piece of s…”

“I can’t kill my own brother.” Noir’s eyes glittered with something cold, snow soaked in blood. “With time, you’ll understand.”

“Oh, because I’m just dreaming of murdering my brothers.” Heeseung dug his fingers harder into the bend of his elbow, jutting out his jaw. “That’s why I’ve hired you.”

“Hired me,” Noir breathed out. “Don’t think Heeseung has been doing that only for you, no.” He was talking to Jay again, sitting on the couch more comfortably. He glanced at his watch again and, for some reason, it made Sunghoon’s skin crawl. “Will you explain the rest of the story or do you expect me to do all of that by myself?” Noir pushed his black hair back lazily. “I have a limit on the words I can use. Should I exceed this, you shall be obligated to compensate for the rest of my words...”

Heeseung didn’t hesitate to answer. “As for me, I’d rather you didn’t speak at all.”

“You should have thought about that before you sent your friends to kill me.”

Heeseung smiled, all insincere and sharp. “I thought they had a chance to take you down.”

No. No, he didn’t think anything. It was Sunghoon, it was all he, and now Noir was here because of it…

“What?” Jay muttered under his breath while Sunghoon’s vision blurred.

Heeseung told him to stand down. He had acted out, taking his chance, hoping he’d save Jake and Heeseung at the same time, and yet…

“It was a close call,” Noir summed up calmly. “I hope you’ll tell me one day what you did to have made them die for you so eagerly. Choi Soobin and his subordinates,” Noir explained to Jay.

Somewhere on the other side of the room, Jake’s breath hitched.

If Sunghoon hadn’t known better, he’d think he was the one who had hit his temple. His head was pounding, pain waking up behind his eyes and spreading inside his skull like milk in water.

Heeseung closed his eyes and when he opened them, his gaze crossed Sunghoon’s. 

Don’t say a thing, his metallic voice rumbled in Sunghoon’s head, disappearing as fast as it had appeared. Heeseung cast his eyes downwards but Sunghoon caught a glimpse of grief shining in them.

Sunghoon had killed them. 

“You…” Jay was at a loss for words. “How?”

“Self-defence, I’d say.” Noir’s voice, unexpectedly, was bitter, a pinched expression on his face. “I hope you’re aware I didn’t want to do that. They were too young to die. Possessed enough potential to be someone big in the future. Vampires shouldn’t fight against each other and yet, we do it all the time.”

“You’re one to talk.” Jay took a step towards Noir, closing the distance between himself and the couch again. “You’ve been draining my brother of blood, you fucking vampire.”

Noir’s eyes darted to his watch. His mouth curved into a smile as he rose from the couch. Sunghoon hadn’t forgotten that Noir was taller than Jay by a head but judging by the twitch of a muscle in Jay’s jaw, Jay must have missed that.

“And he’s been using my vampire influence. A fair trade.”

“If that’s fair, then why are you here?” Jay raised his chin to glare at Noir. “To tell me that Heeseung is an idiot and a liar? He’s always been a self-sacrificing asshole,” Jay spat out. “How about you?”

“Quite the opposite.” Noir snapped his fingers, startling Heeseung. “I’ll try to express myself with a greater candour, now. We—” Noir waved his hand at Heeseung,”—had an agreement. I have almost been killed by assassins sent by him. If you must know, it’s not the first time it has happened. I’m patient but there’s a difference between a sneak attack and a full-force ambush. Though, I appreciate the gesture.”

Sunghoon could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Heeseung nibbled on his bottom lip, his eyes sharp, fixated on Noir.

“Without me, you’re not going to survive for long.” Noir hummed, inching forward, rounding Jay, and walking towards Heeseung. “Werewolves, vampires, anyone who knows your name will hunt you down if I whisper one word. I can make your life a living hell on a whim.” Noir paused. The tails of his coat fluttered as he turned, his red eyes glowing. “Except, it wouldn’t be on a whim.”

Heeseung folded his arms on his chest again. His and Sunghoon’s gazes met again. Almost unnoticeably, Heeseung shook his head.

“I wouldn’t want to be the one harming my friend’s son but I don’t have to step in when such a thing happens.” Noir shrugged, drawing nearer Heeseung. Heeseung shot him a harsh look. “It will happen, sooner or later. I had been gone for a few days and Morgor’s pack was already after you. You can imagine what will happen when I disappear for a long time.”

“We had it handled.” Jay’s fingers twitched. “I don’t have any more enemies.”

“Yes, Morgor and his pack are dead,” Noir agreed, satisfaction seeping into his voice. “While you bathe in your success, remember that your father is on the run, looking for his heir. He may not be your enemy but he may want to make sure that his heir stays safe and will carry his bloodline in the future.”

“I’m not going to do that.” Jay let out a huff and Noir raised his eyebrows. 

“I see.” Noir arched his eyebrow, but he remained indifferent. 

Noir stood next to Heeseung, their shoulders almost brushing. Heeseung refused to look at him, his face tense. The bandage around his forearm was still unblemished.

“I can make sure your family stays safe.” Noir addressed Heeseung almost softly. His voice was devoid of any emotions and yet, Sunghoon almost shuddered at the threat hiding behind his words. “None of what I’ve said will happen if you come with me. If you come with me, I will do you no harm.”

Heeseung breathed out, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Noir out of the corner of his eye.

“If you refuse,” Noir explained unhurriedly, “you will come with me either way. Consider it me doing you a favour; letting you say goodbye to your family. Letting them live, despite what you’ve done.”

What you’ve done.

Sunghoon’s heart skipped a beat, throbbing in his chest as if it was growing, pushing against his sternum.

Letting them live. So he was here to kill them, after all. If Heeseung refused.

It was his fault. His, not Heeseung’s. Heeseung—

Jay took a step forward, bristling. His face was twisted with rage, eyes darkened with it, his fist clenched. “You’re not taking my brother anywhere,” he spat, his voice choked with fury. “You fuck. ”

Jake pushed himself up, leaning against the wall heavily. His forehead was glistening with sweat.

Noir’s expression didn’t change. His face was pale against his black hair, the look in his eyes calculating, an unsettling gleam hiding beneath two red moons.

Noir didn’t move—he didn’t have to. Something spread in the air, suffocating, heavy, almost tangible, like hot air before a storm. Sunghoon looked for it but he didn’t see it, and yet, it was there, so strong it made his eyes water.

Jay faltered, frowning as he lifted his chin.

“He belongs with me now,” Noir said, his voice quieter, and Heeseung, though outwardly calm, let out a slow, measured breath. “Don’t make it difficult.”

Sunghoon could see the way his jaw tightened, just barely, the false boldness in his eyes melting away into resignation. Heeseung didn’t move but something in his posture shifted, a minuscule twitch of his muscles, like he was preparing for the worst.

Noir’s offer was anything but a choice, it was a demand, and Heeseung didn’t want to go, no one needed to say it, think it, to know it.

They were all teetering on the edge of a cliff and Noir was there, ready to push them off with a mocking blow of air in their backs.

Jay snickered, his shoulders relaxing.

“You think I’m going to let that happen?”

Noir moved faster than Sunghoon— Jay, because Sunghoon wouldn’t have been able to do anything—could react. 

He wrapped his fingers around Heeseung’s throat, yanking him towards himself, Jay freezing mid-step.

“Don’t make me mad,” Noir murmured, his voice low, rumbling. Even though his mouth hung centimetres away from Heeseung’s ear, Sunghoon couldn’t tell whether Noir was speaking to Heeseung or to Jay. “There’s nothing that makes me mad more than wasting a good talent. We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

It was bold, calling murdering someone wasting a good talent. Noir wasn’t going to kill Heeseung, not him, he just stopped Jay from throwing himself at him which was…

Which was almost considerate. Because if Jay had attacked him, he wouldn’t have made it out unharmed.

Sunghoon could almost feel Noir’s fingers on his own throat and he swallowed, wanting to get rid of the phantom feeling. Heeseung only huffed, unimpressed, and Sunghoon knew he wasn’t but in that moment, he believed otherwise.

“I didn’t even say any—” Heeseung grumbled and Noir tightened his hold around his throat, cutting his words off.

The shift was sudden, unexpected; Heeseung’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, his breath caught mid-syllable just like Jay had frozen mid-step. A confused sound escaped his throat, the mocking smirk that had been forming on his lips vanishing instantly, his mouth parting instead, as he brought his hands up, grasping at Noir’s wrist.

Jay unclenched his fists, unmoving. 

Noir loosened his grip after a few seconds and Heeseung released his wrist, his eyes shaky.

“I was trying to speak, asshole,” Heeseung hissed in annoyance and Noir blinked. “Jesus fucking Christ. ”

“I didn’t—”

“You can’t do anything,” Heeseung mumbled to Jay, and his voice, for the first time today, was soft. More Heeseung-like. “Not against him. I’ll go with him. I meant to go but you… You always have to act up, don’t you?”

“Are you insane?” Jay hissed. “I can fight him—”

“We can’t do anything,” Heeseung repeated, his face dull. “You can’t do anything, Jay. Though maybe you would be if you… if you weren’t you.”

Jay stared at him. 

“I suggest you listen to your brother,” Noir said, his voice low. “He’s wise enough to know when he’s outmatched.” The corner of Noir’s mouth twitched in a small smirk. “How about you?”

Sunghoon waited, his muscles locked up, trembling. He waited for Jay to say quite the opposite in that daring voice of his, to throw himself at Noir without a second thought, without understanding who he was going against.

Sunghoon didn’t know that. He just knew that even Choi Soobin and all of his men hadn’t been able to take him down. He just knew that Heeseung was powerless against him, too. Noir wouldn’t kill him unless Heeseung wanted to free himself from him so Heeseung had two choices: him or death.

Jay wasn’t in a position to stop him. Sunghoon knew that and deep down, Jay knew too.

Jay let out a breath through his teeth with a hiss.

“He will stand down,” Heeseung gritted out glaring at Jay. “Won’t he?”

Jay nodded stiffly.

“Good. Why are you still doing that?” Heeseung pushed Noir’s hand away, shielding his resigned eyes behind a mask of contempt. “Always these… theatrics,” he snapped at Noir, touching his throat. “You didn’t even let me agree first. You knew I would have agreed but you had to…” Heeseung stepped away from him, grounding his jaw. “Fuck you, asshole.”

Noir, above all, seemed amused by Heeseung’s words. 

Heeseung was going to leave, Sunghoon thought dumbly. He was going to leave with Noir because of him, because of him.

Hearing Jake’s voice, coming from the other side of the room, quiet and raw, was as unexpected as a knock on the door in the dead of night.

“I won’t let you leave.” Jake had regained control over his breathing and now stood tall, staring at Noir and Heeseung, his pale face oddly determined. 

Heeseung sized him up. His hair fell over his eyes when he looked Jake up and down.

“Don’t play a hero,” Heeseung said coldly. “You’re not good at it.”

Noir turned his head in Jake’s direction slowly, like a carnivore realising that all of that time it rested in its den, their prey was just a few steps away from them. “Indeed.” Noir’s eyes glistened with something that made an alarm ring in Sunghoon’s head. ”This one cannot live.”

Before Sunghoon could fully register the threat, Noir lunged forward, a blur of lethal grace, of black and red and fingers crooked like claws. Panic pierced Sunghoon’s heart, his muscles tensed, his body went rigid, adrenaline coursed through his veins like poison, the thud of his heart deafening the ringing in his ears. 

Jake staggered back, his eyes widening in panic.

No, no, no—

Heeseung shifted forward, placing himself in front of Jake, silently. Noir skidded to a halt mere inches from him. 

Sunghoon pressed his hand to his mouth harder, making sure no sound escaped him. Jay’s fingers tightened around his shoulder.

Whatever showed on Noir’s face quickly morphed into amusement, another smile tugging at his lips, but not reaching his eyes. 

“I told you,” Heeseung said firmly, fixing the vampire with a stern gaze, “we don’t kill humans.”

“Oh, now there’s us?”

“You’re an ass—”

“He knows too much.” Noir stood taller, his cold eyes darting to Jake. Jake looked back at him, pressing his lips together. “His very existence poses a threat.”

“A threat?” Heeseung closed the distance between him and Noir, making the vampire step back. “To you?”

Fear coursed through Sunghoon’s veins like electricity, poking sharply at his skin when Noir growled.

“You should have taught him to stand down in front of his betters.”

“If he goes after me, feel free to kill him,” Heeseung huffed. He sent Jake a warning look but Jake was staring at Noir, fury spreading over his features like fire. “He won’t, though. He isn’t dumb.”

“So you will vouch for him.”

“Naturally.” Heeseung took another step in Noir’s direction. Noir moved back again, his gaze calculating. “Let me have that one thing,” Heeseung added, folding his arms on his chest. 

“I already let you keep your life.”

“It’s not easy,” Heeseung pointed out, gritting his teeth, “to clean blood off the floor.”

“I wouldn’t let any of the blood spill.” Despite the fact that Heeseung didn’t stand between Noir and Jake anymore, Noir didn’t move towards Jake again.

“As I said. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t kill him.” Heeseung ignored him and Jake’s hand twitched. “I’m sure he’ll remember that you spared his life.”

Jake was silent, observing Heeseung walking across the room, blood rolling slowly down the side of his face. 

Heeseung couldn’t leave. He couldn’t go with Noir.

Noir still didn’t move. His eyes followed Heeseung just like Jake’s eyes followed Noir.

“That’s it?” Jay spoke and Heeseung came to a stop, next to that damn couch. “Are you just going to let that happen? Don’t you have anything to say?”

Heeseung rolled down the sleeve of his shirt, covering the bandage wrapped around his forearm. 

Heeseung looked at Jay. Sunghoon saw the pain in his eyes, the way they lingered as if he was trying to memorise every detail of Jay’s face. 

“Don’t be rude, Heeseung.” Noir turned his back to Jake, also crossing his arms on his chest. The tone of his voice, for once, was monotonous. “He’s never going to see you again. You can say goodbye to him while we’re still here. I told you you could. Do that while he’s still willing to talk to you.”

Sunghoon lowered his hand from his mouth, a choked sound leaving it.

That couldn’t be it. It couldn’t end that way for Heeseung.

It was Sunghoon. Sunghoon sent Soobin after Noir, it was because of Sunghoon that Jay almost died. Because he didn’t think, because he could never think straight when he was supposed to. 

He was supposed to be better than this, than saving Jake at the cost of Heeseung.

Heeseung, who found his place in this town, in this family, in this house. Heeseung, who didn’t like to leave the house, who paid with his own blood just to make them all stay.

And now Heeseung was supposed to leave with a person who slowly drained him of his life. 

The weight of it all crashed down on him, the guilt clawing at his insides. 

It was all because of him.

“It’s my fault,” Sunghoon blurted out, his voice hoarse. Heeseung’s eyes were round when he spun around, staring at Sunghoon with bewilderment. “I…”

He wanted to confess— I sent them after you. Heeseung had nothing to do with it. It’s my fault —but he didn’t get a chance to.

Before the words could leave his lips, a blinding pain exploded in his head. 

It slammed into him like a wave, crashing into his mind, devouring it like a tsunami engulfed concrete houses in its wake. His vision blurred, his ears rang, his knees almost buckled as whiteness claimed his sight, spreading over his eyes, his thoughts scattering into uneven incoherent pieces.

Sunghoon gasped, his hands shooting to his head as if he was able to grasp the agony ripping through his skull.

He could barely make out the sound of Jay’s voice, his hands on his shoulders. It was impossible to think, impossible to speak, he didn’t see, he didn’t feel, there was nothing but pain digging into his head until there was nothing in it, nothing but that damn pain—

A cry of pain broke through, and Sunghoon thought it was him until he realised that his jaw was locked painfully tight, his mouth slowly filling with blood. 

He didn’t hear Jay’s voice anymore, his hands weren’t on him either.

Sunghoon forced himself to open his eyes. He looked up, dizzy, trying to loosen up the muscles in his jaw. Waves of pain still pierced through his head, though far less intense than before.

He was no longer standing but crouching. He placed a hand on the floor to steady himself, shaken to the core, confused, blinking to fight off white spots dancing in front of his eyes.

He stared at the scene unfolding on the other side of the room, at Jay and Jake struggling against each other and for a second, he couldn’t understand what was happening.

No, it was only Jake who was struggling against Jay, screaming in anger as Jay twisted his arm until the knife—the dagger—Jake was gripping slipped from between his fingers and fell to the floor with a melodic chime.

Heeseung was standing next to frowning Noir, grasping him by his arm, shock written over his face. Heeseung’s mouth was moving but Sunghoon didn’t hear what he was saying.

“You fucking idiot!” Jay hissed, dragging Jake back, away from Heeseung and Noir. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

The noise rang in Sunghoon’s ears. He could feel his thoughts swirling in his mind, desperately trying to settle back in their places.

Was Jake… It looked as if he tried to attack Noir but he couldn’t have done that because if he had, Noir would have…?

Jake didn’t answer, elbowing Jay in the jaw with a snarl. Though it was pointless and couldn’t have hurt him, Jay growled, immobilising Jake’s wrists with his own hands, at the same time pushing him down, Jake’s knees hitting the floor.

Sunghoon’s head spun.

Jake trashed violently in Jay’s hold, like a wild animal chained to the ground, his muscles straining as he fought against Jay, who gaped at him with furrowed eyebrows. Jake’s eyes burned with fury and desperation, his gaze flashing through the room as if looking for someone—Sunghoon knew whom—to burn them down. A feral snarl stretched across Jake’s features as he bared his teeth, strands of dark hair falling messily over his face, doing nothing to hide his rage.

Sunghoon stared at him and yet, he couldn’t see him. Not because of what was shadowing his mind, his eyes; he couldn’t see past Jake’s fury, he couldn’t. Jake was someone else entirely, someone Sunghoon could barely recognise.

“Switch your knife for a crochet hook.” Heeseung kicked Jake’s dagger away from him. His previous shock had vanished, replaced by sternness. “You’d do so much better making crocheted octopuses instead of hunting after leviathans...”

Heeseung’s voice was drowned by the ringing in Sunghoon’s ears, just like by whatever sound made it out of Jake’s mouth after Heeseung’s words. Jay said something too, bowing over Jake, his black hair hiding Jay’s face when he did so. At the same time, Jay looked at Sunghoon, still frowning, worried. Noir raised his hand, his cold eyes trailing to the watch hugging his wrist. 

The noise was growing, not letting Sunghoon gather his thoughts. If Sunghoon’s ears hadn’t been bleeding before, now they surely did, that fucking noise, that fucking pain, that…

Sunghoon pressed his hands to his head once again, squeezing his eyes shut, and swallowing blood in his mouth. 

Then, all at once, it stopped. The pain, the noise; Jake paused in his struggles, Heeseung let go of Noir’s arm.

A loud slam echoed through the room. 

The pain vanished as suddenly as it had come, leaving behind only a dull, throbbing ache.

Sunghoon blinked, his vision clearing slowly, as he allowed his knees to hit the floor, trembling. Jay was gaping at him from the other side of the room, where he was still holding Jake against the floor. Jake was breathing heavily, his face red, his shirt crumpled, hair messy.

Slow, deliberate steps sounded in the corridor. 

Sunghoon’s thoughts slowly seeped back into his mind. His muscles were heavy and he swallowed another bit of his blood, metallic taste clinging to the roof of his mouth. 

A second later, Ni-ki walked inside the living room, his hands tucked into the pockets of his long beige coat.

Ni-ki paused at the doorway for a brief moment. He blinked lazily, his eyes roaming over the scene, as if he was bored, and then he moved on, not in a hurry.

His gaze swept over Sunghoon, Jay and Jake, and Heeseung and Noir.

“Oh.” Ni-ki’s pleasant voice sparked in the silence of the room like a flame catching on dry leaves. “If I knew that we have a day of torturing humans, I’d have come by much earlier.”

For the first time in a very long time, upon hearing Ni-ki’s snarky words, relief flooded Sunghoon’s body. 

Ni-ki nodded in the direction of the corridor with his chin. “Though, hyung never allows me to torment humans. Should I come back later or can I join?”

His tone was light, the smile on his lips sweet, but his crimson eyes were dark as he slid his hands back into the pockets of his coat.

Sunghoon’s breathing slowed, steadying as Ni-ki’s cold calmness swept through the room.

He knew he would never be able to trust him. He knew that despite being raised by Heeseung, he was nothing like him, but he also knew that, just like Heeseung, there were no lengths Riki wouldn’t go to ensure the safety of his family. 

For the first time since they had faced Noir, the knot in Sunghoon’s chest began to loosen. 

Ni-ki’s expression was as impassive as ever but his eyes were locked on Noir, gleaming dangerously, as if he was calculating how best to tear him apart; if he should do it with his own hands or let the shadows trailing after him since he was a child, lost in the roots of the forest, swallow him up like black holes devoured wandering stars.

Heeseung’s face fell at the same time as hope sparked in his eyes. 

Noir looked at Ni-ki, his lips stretching in an uneasy smile, as Ni-ki inched forward, towards him, shaking off his coat with no care.

“You’re right on time.” Noir tapped his finger against his watch. “Just when your brother has started to think that he can come off as a victim, you appear.”

“I wasn’t aware that there was any meeting,” Ni-ki answered blankly, his eyes boring into Noir. Each of his steps was filled with inhuman grace. “But I agree, I’m right on time.” Ni-ki’s teeth flashed as he grinned sharply. “Time to fuck you up, old man.”

If Sunghoon had blinked he would have missed how the boy leapt at Noir, black smoke following him like shadows; bursting from his fingertips, brushing against his cheeks, curling at his feet, entwining with his black hair; springing out from his back like a pair of enormous shapeless wings. 

Later, Sunghoon’s thoughts would drift back to this moment as he wondered if that was the last time Ni-ki truly believed he was invincible. 

Noir didn’t meet Ni-ki halfway. He stood motionless, his posture relaxed, eyes calm and calculating, as if Ni-ki’s charge posed no real threat. He must have thought it was just a cheap trick and Sunghoon wanted nothing but Ni-ki to change Noir’s face into an unrecognisable swollen mess.

Noir waited for Ni-ki until the last second.

With no more than a subtle shift in the way he stood, Noir raised his forearm, meeting Ni-ki’s fist head-on. The sound of cracking floorboards echoed through the living room, sending a shiver down Sunghoon’s spine. The panels gave way under the heels of Noir’s boots and the splinters and dust flew in different directions. Something cut Sunghoon’s face, dangerously close to his eye.

Ni-ki’s shadows, swift like snakes, collided with Noir’s arm. Instead of swallowing Noir whole like Sunghoon had imagined would happen, they…?

They fizzled. They curved back and flickered like a fading flame, curling back into Ni-ki’s body, away from Noir, as if they were a living creature, wanting to hide in the safeness of Ni-ki’s eyes because…

Fucking fuck, Sunghoon thought Ni-ki was the only one. He thought that his power, his… Sunghoon had thought Ni-ki was the only one, so why…

Why was there inky darkness erupting from Noir’s own skin; smothering Ni-ki’s attack with ease, as if consuming it, as if…?

Ni-ki’s eyes widened and charged at Noir again. His shadows were flickering and fading, slipping away and towards Noir because Noir, yes, Sunghoon could see it, he could see the way Noir’s shadows gathered Ni-ki’s shadows and brought them to Noir, as if sucking them in and…

Ni-ki’s face contorted in pain, his mouth parting before he gritted his teeth. It was subtle, but not subtle enough to remain unnoticed, just like the twitch in Ni-ki’s fingers, the slight tremor in his jaw.

Noir’s lips barely twitched in acknowledgement as he brought his forearm down with a controlled motion. 

The force of it sent a ripple of something through the air. Ni-ki stumbled back, clenching his wrist, his shadows rising again protectively, licking his arms like black flames. His eyes were wide with raw disbelief as he gaped at Noir—as Sunghoon did, as Jay and Heeseung did—standing a step away from him, burning with the same shadows that Ni-ki used to bring down Morgor’s pack with a snap of his fingers.

Sunghoon was frozen to the spot, observing them. It was impossible, all of that was impossible.

Ni-ki was still holding his wrist. His chest was rising in shallow, uneven breaths. To Sunghoon’s surprise, though maybe he should have expected that because Ni-ki was Ni-ki, Ni-ki’s shadows faded away completely, not even a whisk of smoke clinging to his fingers.

Ni-ki had called them back.

The black-haired boy stared at Noir with open curiosity, almost fascination, the expression so out of place, and holy fuck, Sunghoon should have fucking expected that Ni-ki’s reaction to being stopped so effortlessly by their mortal enemy, by someone who should never have been able to extinguish his shadows so easily, would be awe. 

“How did you do that?” Ni-ki asked, his voice filled with disbelief.

Noir opened his mouth, clearly taken aback by his reaction, as if he couldn’t believe it, just like Sunghoon. That was all he managed to do because suddenly, Ni-ki struck again, his shadows exploding around him again.

With just a blink of an eye, the clash was over once again. 

Noir stood over Ni-ki, his grip firm around Ni-ki’s face. Ni-ki cursed but Noir’s palm was already pressing against his mouth, effectively silencing him, tilting his head back, forcing Ni-ki to meet his eyes.

Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed. He heard Jay’s curse, or maybe he cursed.

“I don’t want to fight you.” Noir’s voice was calm. “I want to talk.”

Ni-ki didn’t tear Noir’s face with his fingers, didn’t kick him in the stomach, didn’t push his hand away.

Instead, he buried his teeth in Noir’s palm.

Blood spurted forward, pooling around Ni-ki’s teeth, spraying onto his face. Noir didn’t even flinch.

He released Ni-ki and as soon as he did that, Ni-ki unclenched his jaw. 

Ni-ki glared at Noir, licking the blood off his mouth. The vivid colour sat on his face as if it belonged there. “Next time you touch me, you’re losing your fingers,” he warned, narrowing his eyes.

Blood trickled from his nose. Ni-ki’s back was hunched slightly.

Everything came with a price. Sunghoon remembered the way Ni-ki almost collapsed after removing Jungwon’s memories. 

He had gotten stronger but it seemed that linearly, so did his powers.

“You won’t win against me today.” Noir was frowning. “You know that, don’t you?”

“I killed Morgor and his pack.” Ni-ki’s hands burned again. He was losing control and he was losing it fast. “Do you think I’ll have any problems handling you?”

Noir brushed off Ni-ki’s shadows with an uncaring flick of his hand, blowing them out like a candle. 

“Comparing a vampire to a werewolf is the greatest offence known to a vampire. Has no one taught you that?”

“The greatest offence known to a vampire is your face,” Ni-ki fired back like a teenager he was. 

“How delightful. Try again.”

Ni-ki smiled at him, his nose twitching. “Gris’ family was slaughtered by Morgor’s pack,” he said sweetly. “Though Morgor betrayed them, it shows that they were equally powerful. I think it’s a fitting complement, especially for you.”

“As fitting as you finishing off the last of Morgor’s descendants.” Noir’s eyes gleamed with something that looked like pride. Sunghoon thought he read it wrong but Ni-ki must have noticed it too because his posture faltered. “Your father would be proud of you.”

Ni-ki blinked, his smile faltering, something old and buried a long time ago rising to the surface of his eyes. “I don’t have a father,” he hissed.

And he threw himself at Noir again.

His darkness exploded outward—there was no other word to describe it—fiercer and larger than Sunghoon had ever seen it. He squinted when he was hit by warm air, the shadows coming alive around Ni-ki, twisting and roaring like a firestorm, consuming everything in its path but without doing it any harm. Black flames flickered across the floor, springing upward with a hiss, and the very walls groaned under the weight of them, under the weight of something radiating from Ni-ki’s fury, white dust cascading from the ceiling, drifting like ash. 

The house struggled to fit Ni-ki inside.

He could be that, Sunghoon let himself think. A wildfire.

The floor beneath Sunghoon’s feet began to shake, trembling, humming. The air crackled, thick and suffocating, warm and cold at once. When he realised he couldn’t take a breath, Sunghoon pushed his panic to the side, focusing on Ni-ki.

When Ni-ki’s shadows surged forward, Noir remained perfectly still. Ni-ki, once again, collided with him, Sunghoon felt it before he saw it—he stumbled back as if hit by a soft invisible wall, the air around him rippling, the pressure building against his chest, knocking the remains of air from his lungs. He could see Jake being knocked over to the floor, Jay’s hair whipping around his face, Heeseung clenching his fingers around the armrest of the couch, his eyes not leaving Ni-ki and Noir.

The house let out another groan. Then, the darkness erupted, coming to close up on them all. It swallowed up Heeseung, then Jay and Jake, and then came after Sunghoon.

Sunghoon raised his forearm to protect his eyes, squeezing them shut just a second before shadows reached him. Something cut against his arms and face, against every inch of his body like tiny grains of sand, a sound roaring in his ears like wind.

For a moment, it felt like the world had shattered. The blackness swallowed every inch of the room, the house continuing to shake, the floor creaking, glass shattering, air humming a melody Sunghoon couldn’t comprehend.

Sunghoon didn’t know how long it lasted. 

But it stopped suddenly. Just like the pain in his head did when Ni-ki came inside the living room. Just like back then, it left him dizzy, looking for answers.

Black dust settled slowly. It was twirling in the air like snow. Sunghoon lowered his arm, squinting through the darkness, his heart racing.

There was a single light left, in the kitchen, flickering weakly, as if it was going to die any second now. The floor was shattered in a few places, chunks of concrete lying around; it seemed that a part of the house had collapsed. Sunghoon was lucky he hadn’t been hit by anything.

Figures started taking shape, like black trees in the fog. 

Jay and Jake were still where they had struggled against each other. They were covered with white dust and Sunghoon saw blood on Jake’s face, but besides that he seemed fine, both of them seemed fine, Jay still bowed over Jake. Next to them, there was something that looked like a fragment of the ceiling.

Sunghoon breathed out with relief. Heeseung was standing slightly to the side, staring ahead, his hair white from the dust.

Whereas Ni-ki…

Sunghoon followed Heeseung’s gaze, his eyes watering because of the dust.

Two figures began to materialise, shadows in the shadows. Sunghoon could feel his heart in his throat as he squinted at them.

Then, all of that hit him, his breath catching in his throat. He could feel his muscles go slack, becoming heavy.

Ni-ki was standing tall, defiant, his red eyes gleaming like burning coals. His posture was confident, almost regal. He held his head high, looking at Noir.

Noir was on the ground. Bowed over, defeated, his form shaking pathetically. Shadows were dancing around him but Sunghoon knew they didn’t belong to him, but to Ni-ki.

Fuck, Sunghoon thought, shocked. He did it. 

Ni-ki did it. It was over, they were safe.

Ni-ki had won.

Sunghoon blinked rapidly, pushing himself off the ground heavily, ignoring the sting of his bleeding hands. His body sent the black dust spiralling like falling leaves. The darkness began to part.

When Sunghoon looked at Ni-ki, it was like the first light of dawn breaking through a long night. 

Except he didn’t feel what he should be feeling.

Cold washed over Sunghoon’s body, his stomach tightening, horror dawning on him, taking his breath away.

No. No.

It wasn’t Ni-ki who was standing. 

It was Noir.

Ni-ki was the one on the ground, struggling to push himself up and failing, again and again, hair sticking to his face.

No. It wasn’t his hair, these were shadows.

“I must say, you intrigued me.” Noir stared down at Ni-ki as he fought to scrap the shadows off his face with his own hands. Sunghoon gaped at them, mortified. “From the moment I saw you, I knew there was more to you than met the eye.” Ni-ki managed to pull off a part of this black… black thing. Underneath it, his skin was burned, bright red. “You can say that only when I met you, I understood why Heeseung insisted so much on preventing your father from seeing you.”

Ni-ki looked up at him, shaking. Whether from exertion or pain, Sunghoon couldn’t tell. His skin had already begun healing, it took seconds for the burns to disappear. Barely did they disappear, another shadow crawled on him.

“My father?” Ni-ki mumbled as if astonished, forgetting about the blackness spreading over his face. It took over his skin with a hissing sound that made Sunghoon wince. “Why do you keep mentioning him? My father left me. They all did.”

“Noir.” Heeseung’s voice turned pleading. “You’ve done enough. Stop this.”

Noir didn’t spare him a glance, focused on Ni-ki. Ni-ki was now gritting his teeth, but still, a choked sound of pain escaped from his throat. 

Ni-ki heaved himself up onto his knees, glaring at Noir. There was a gash on his cheek, thin and sharp as if done deliberately, running from his cheekbone and hiding in his hairline.

“You’re just afraid of speaking the truth,” Noir answered Heeseung as Ni-ki shook, blood dripping from his chin. Sunghoon dug his fingers into his hands, forcing himself to stay still. There wasn’t anything any of them could do. “Because you know that once they know the truth, you’ll be the only monster in this room.” 

Ni-ki shuddered when Noir’s shadows left him. The skin where they touched him was raw and steaming. Even from afar, Sunghoon could see small tremors racking Ni-ki’s body, the burns marking his skin with red.

Noir folded his hands behind his back, observing Ni-ki with half-lidded eyes. Unlike Ni-ki, he was impeccable, his hair neat, his clothes as elegant as ever.

“Eighteen years ago,” Noir started, his voice theatrically quiet, “a vampire was born. He didn’t know it yet but he was special, just like other vampire children were. When years later he found out that his mother abandoned him at the age of four, leaving him in the forest, he thought that he couldn’t be special, that he wasn’t worth anything. After all, how could he, if even his own parents didn’t want him?”

Sunghoon was frozen to the spot when he looked at Heeseung. He was paler than usual, gaping at Noir, as if he thought that if he peered at him hard enough, he’d silence him.

Ni-ki was silent, waiting for Noir to speak. 

“When he was four,” Noir continued, his eyes calm, “he disappeared from his home along with his mother. His father looked for them but to no avail; trying to find someone at fault, he foolishly accused people around him of taking his wife and son away from him. After all,” Noir repeated, “the child was very special. Not because he was a born vampire but because he was his father’s son.”

Jake was crouching on the floor like Sunghoon had been before. Blood had dried on his face. Jay was the one standing, listening to the story with the same focus as Ni-ki.

“He sent people to look for his wife and his son.” Noir’s voice was as smooth as velvet. “He hired trackers, many of them, but no one could pick up their scent. It was as if the child and his wife vanished. He was devastated because he lost everything that mattered to him. Because his son might have lost his life. Years passed but the father didn’t stop looking. Little did he know that he wouldn’t find his child until they would let him. Little did he know that it was his wife who stole his son from him; his wife who passed half of the world to leave the child in the hands of a vampire she had chosen very thoroughly. Lee Heeseung.”

Sunghoon’s ears were ringing. The blood had stopped flowing from the wound on Ni-ki’s cheek.

“She asked him to take in her child. In return, she would make sure that the vampire who had made him a monster would never come back. In return, she would provide his family with great wealth that would let them lead a comfortable life for many centuries.” Noir paused. “In a couple of months, she would come back for her child. She would be chased. Lee Heeseung would refuse her asylum and make a pact with a vampire from a powerful clan who would make sure no one else came for the child he wanted to keep for himself. Until today.”

Jay’s eyes glistened in the white light flickering in the kitchen.

Oh fuck.

“Your father would never have left you.” Noir extended a hand to him, palm up, waiting for Ni-ki to take it. “If  he had a choice.”

Oh fuck. 

Ni-ki was breathing heavily, his eyes darting from Noir’s palm to his face. 

Considering. Thinking.

“I didn’t know your father had a child,” Noir said when Ni-ki stayed silent. “Only later I realised. I connected the dots. I realised I had been the one standing between you and him, for so long. I thought he wouldn’t forgive me. But he did.”

Sunghoon swallowed. 

If Noir knew Ni-ki’s father so well, why didn’t he tell him where Ni-ki was? If he knew that his father was looking for him, why did he help Heeseung hide Ni-ki from him?

Ni-ki seemed to share his thoughts.

“If you’re so close to my father,” he rasped, “why didn’t you tell him where to find me? You must have realised it sooner than you’re… implying.”

“Because I don’t break the promises I give.” Noir still didn’t lower his hand. “I have known you since you were a child and yet, for a long time, I didn’t know who you were. I knew you were a born vampire and they are rare, especially children, but I didn’t question what you were doing here, with him. I didn’t know your father had a child.” 

Sunghoon wished Heeseung would say something but he…

“Only when your father came closer did I realise he was the one I was supposed to protect you from. I sealed the promise with Heeseung a few days after he found you. Now, I’m no longer bound to the promise. I can take you home. In return, lend me your power.”

Why was Heeseung silent?

Ni-ki’s eyes were wide. Even though the gash on his cheek had healed, blood still dripped down his chin.

“You can take me to my dad?” he asked, his voice so raw and innocent and so young that Sunghoon felt his eyes sting. 

“I can do so much more.” Noir smiled at him, a truly fatherly smile that erased everything and everyone around Ni-ki, Sunghoon was sure of that. He was sure that right now, Ni-ki saw nothing but the vampire in front of him. “I can teach you what I know. Your family can teach you what they know; show you who you really are.”

Ni-ki stared at him in silence, his breaths quieter than they were before.

“What you’ve shown me is a gift,” Noir said quietly, his eyes soft. “I defeated you but I already know you’ll surpass me if you let yourself be guided. You couldn’t have thought about it before. How could you know that there’s someone who can help you control your powers?”

“Help me?” Ni-ki repeated almost timorously. Sunghoon noticed that Jay was staring at him with wide, wide eyes. 

Noir nodded. His palm was still turned towards Ni-ki. 

“Let you grow,” he explained, “instead of moulding you into something you have never been. Pushing you out onto the light,” he continued, his voice growing firmer with each word he spoke, “instead of letting you embrace who you really are. It didn’t feel nice, hm?” Noir’s voice was gentle once again. Sunghoon felt as if he himself was in a trance, listening to him, and Noir didn’t even acknowledge his existence. 

Ni-ki shook his head.

“You must have felt worthless too many times.” Noir frowned sympathetically. “You thought there was something wrong with you while you just needed someone who would understand you. You… needed your family. Someone like you. They’re not like you.”

Ni-ki wasn’t shaking anymore. He wasn’t blinking, as if blinking meant he wouldn’t be able to hear what Noir was saying. 

“Why would you need my help?” Ni-ki muttered. Sunghoon almost didn’t hear him. “You’re better than me.”

“As I said, you have a gift.” Noir was frowning, or so Sunghoon thought. “Don’t let yourself believe that because you lost once, you’ll lose again.”

Ni-ki wiped the blood from under his nose with the back of his hand. 

“We both know you’re too big for this world.” Noir wasn’t smiling. He spoke quietly, his voice serious. He looked Ni-ki in the eyes, just like he had done all this time, but now they were soft. “There’s more to the world than you think. What you’ve dreamed of, what you’ve been searching for, is out there. Waiting for you. Like your father.”

Sunghoon could feel coldness numbing his skin. Because of Heeseung, Ni-ki’s mother was dead.

Ni-ki was silent for a couple of seconds. 

Then, he reached for Noir’s hand. 

There was something strangely relieving and crushing about it, about the way their hands tightened around each other.

The vampire pulled Ni-ki up effortlessly, his other hand securing its hold around his elbow. His features were soft. Even more, they didn’t suit the triumphant gleam in his eyes, which Ni-ki either didn’t notice or chose to ignore.

I won, Noir’s eyes seemed to speak as he looked at Heeseung over Ni-ki’s head. I won and I’m taking him away from you. 

The worst thing was, Ni-ki couldn’t be just taken away. He was the one who decided that he wanted to… To do what, exactly?

Leave, just like Heeseung?

Because he had been lied to. Lied to for eighteen years, and Heeseung…

Sunghoon thought that it couldn’t be true. How could that be true when all he knew was that Heeseung was nothing but kindness?

If Noir was lying, why didn’t Heeseung interrupt him? Why was he so damn quiet?

Sunghoon wished he could curse Noir, curse him and his manipulative words. But now, he couldn’t look Heeseung in the face.

“What a waste,” Noir murmured, wiping blood off Ni-ki’s face with his thumb. Ni-ki kept staring at him, not flinching away. Sunghoon thought he had rarely seen Ni-ki touched by anyone. Sometimes Jay would ruffle his hair, and Heeseung would smooth out wrinkles on his shirt. Very rarely, Ni-ki would hug Sunghoon. “I might have gone too harsh on you, isn’t that right?”

“No,” Ni-ki mumbled, his eyes glued to Noir’s face timidly. Sunghoon didn’t remember the last time Ni-ki looked his age. “It’s fine.”

“Riki.” Heeseung’s voice was soft, barely audible.

Heeseung, on the other hand, probably remembered very well when he was the one wiping off blood from Ni-ki’s face after feeding him. When Ni-ki was small enough not to care whether or not his face was clean.

Heeseung kept him for himself. All these years, he’s been lying to him. 

Yes, Heeseung’s voice was soft, barely audible, but it was enough for Ni-ki to snap his head to the side, towards him, eyes glistening. Noir withdrew his hand and took a step back, as if he knew very well what was going to happen and he didn’t want to be caught between it.

“Deny it,” Ni-ki said, his voice cold as he stared at Heeseung, stepping closer to him and so, to Sunghoon, Jay, and Jake.

Ni-ki’s hair was in chaos, some of it dusted grey from the debris that had fallen along with the ceiling, some of it slicked with blood, sticking to his forehead. The wound on his cheek had healed, leaving a straight line of dry blood and smudged remains where Noir had attempted to clean him off. His nose had stopped bleeding, too, blood pooling over his upper lip. Sunghoon only now noticed redness marking the palms of his hands and the corners of his eyes. His black shirt was ripped around his shoulder. 

“I can explain.” Heeseung was standing in the middle of the living room. Just like Jay and Jake, he was wholly covered in the white dust. It stuck to his hair, clothes, and eyelashes, but he ignored it.

Sunghoon would have ignored it too if he had been on the verge of losing his little brother.

Sunghoon almost grimaced, hearing Heeseung’s words. Jay, on the other hand, tensed up, his lips pressed together as if he was forcing himself not to spit out curses.

“I didn’t ask you to explain.” Ni-ki’s hands were trembling. “I said: deny it.”

“Riki…” Heeseung looked at him pleadingly. “I can’t.”

“You let me believe they abandoned me!” Ni-ki’s scream made Sunghoon flinch. Ni-ki’s voice was hoarse, his eyes filled with sadness, and Heeseung fell silent. “My whole life I thought there was something wrong with me, that is why they left me. Because what parent leaves their child in the hands of a stranger? No, I could have had a normal life but you… you’ve taken it away from me!”

Heeseung’s face was pained, his eyebrows drawing together, his jaw tense, and Sunghoon thought he had no right to look hurt. “I wanted to protect you.”

Ni-ki let out a hiss, sounding almost like Jay. “You wanted to protect me? You’ve never even wanted me,” he spat out but Sunghoon could hear something more than fury in his voice. “You’ve always ignored who I was. I told you that the forest was calling me, I told you that I could…” Ni-ki almost choked on his words. 

“...That I could hear something whispering to me, and that I was going fucking mad and you told me that it would pass. Because you hoped that I would turn out to be normal if you told me to shut up enough times, right?” Ni-ki’s eyes shone with grief. “You hoped that your little voluntary experiment wouldn’t turn out to be a failure, right? That you wouldn’t turn out to be a failure.”

“It’s not like that,” Heeseung said, his voice rough. “Ni-ki, it’s not like that. It was never like that.”

“You’re right again!” Ni-ki let out a laugh, throwing his head back. “I wasn’t your volunteer work because you fucking got paid for that!”

“Your mom asked me for help.” Heeseung shook his head as Ni-ki stared at him with a humourless smile. “Your father isn’t a good person, Ni-ki. She needed to protect you.”

“Oh, right.” Ni-ki’s eyes flashed dangerously. “My mother asked you and you just followed her orders, right? Except that you turned your back on her.”

“She knew what was the best for you—”

“Remind me,” Ni-ki interrupted him, quietly, a venom in his voice. “Wasn’t that your mother who exiled you from your village?”

Heeseung stared at him wide-eyed, not a sound coming out of his parted in surprise mouth. 

“And when they asked for your help,” Ni-ki continued quietly, his eyes cold, “and you came to them running, hoping that if you helped them they would take you back, wasn’t that your mother who called the hunters after you to imprison you?” Ni-ki’s smile sharpened. “She couldn’t stand the thought that she had birthed a monster like you. She couldn’t stand the thought that someone could think you were hers.”

Heeseung let out a shaky breath. “Ni-ki.” His voice was firm. “Stop it.”

“You hoped to have a family.” Ni-ki didn’t stop; he wasn’t going to stop when the words seemed to flow from his mouth as naturally as if they had always been in his head, hidden, ready for him to use them. “That’s why you clung to Jay-hyung so much, that’s why you were happy when Jungwon and Sunoo joined you. But they died and you needed something else, and what’s better than a vampire child? She wanted me back, you denied her, just as you denied my father.”

Whatever imitation of a smile Ni-ki had on his face before, it disappeared now.

“You didn’t want me to be like my dad.” Ni-ki scoffed. “But I turned out to be exactly like him. Which is better because I would never be you. Not you, not… not Jay-hyung, I’ve never belonged here because both of you are such saints…”

“Ni-ki, please.” Heeseung took a step in Ni-ki’s direction. Now, they were within arm’s reach of each other. “I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt that way and you have the right to be upset but it’s not like that. Your mother and I— we did it to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected,” Ni-ki snarled, also moving towards Heeseung a step.

“Riki—” 

“I’m not your son, got it?” Ni-ki’s eyes narrowed, his nose twitching. “And you’re not my fucking dad! You’ve never been him and you will never be. You will never replace my family, don’t you get that?”

“I…” Heeseung’s voice trailed off. “It was never my intention to…”

“That’s bullshit—”

“You can’t just go with him!” Heeseung let out a huff, gesturing at Noir. “You don’t know him. He’s a bad…”

“Everyone is bad. Bad, bad, bad, but not fucking you!” Ni-ki dragged his hand down his face, growling in frustration, smearing his blood all over it. “You’re always so perfect. You were so hurt in the past but you’re still so kind and good, and loved by everyone. So loved that you took all that love for yourself and never decided to share it with anyone… ”

“Riki,” Heeseung sounded genuinely shaken. “I do love you…”

“If you really loved me, you would never have done that to me!” Ni-ki raised his voice again, his mouth pulling down in a frown, the look on his face raw. “You would have helped me, not held me in our house like an animal, like a… like a fucking freak! I told you so many times,” Ni-ki seethed, repeating himself, “that something was calling me, that it was as if darkness was speaking to me. Only hyung listened to me, only… even he listened to me.” Ni-ki made a gesture towards Sunghoon, glaring at him with disgust before turning his eyes to Heeseung again. “Not you. Because you knew what I was and you didn’t want to accept it. You didn’t want to accept me.”

Ni-ki took a deep breath, wiping the blood from under his nose with a jerky move of his hand.

“You never seemed happy when I tried to make friends,” he carried on, glowering at Heeseung. “Was that the fear that I’d hurt them? Or were you simply afraid I’d separate from you, wander on my own and find out the truth?” Ni-ki let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Was that why you kept me from going to Soobin’s club? Because you were afraid I’d start working for him? Leave you? Because everyone left you?” 

Ni-ki glanced at Sunghoon again. Sunghoon’s throat went dry when his eyes focused on him. 

There was too much pain in them.

“That’s why you didn’t want us to help you. Not me, not Sunghoon. Because you thought that if we start searching we’ll find something and then he’d go back on his promise.” 

The boy gestured at Noir, standing behind his back, observing their exchange as silently as Jay and Jake.

“Now I’ll work for him. Now I know the truth. Now I’ll do as I like.”

“Ni-ki.” Heeseung grasped Ni-ki’s arm. Ni-ki’s eyes darkened, his mouth twisted into a snarl, and for a moment, Sunghoon thought Ni-ki would hit him. “You can think whatever you want of me, you can hate me, but you can’t just go with him. Not him. At least let me explain. I can explain it.”

Ni-ki sized him up coolly.

Ni-ki lowered his gaze to Heeseung’s hand on his arm, then raised his eyes to meet Heeseung’s eyes again. For a second, his eyes roamed over his face. “Let go of me,” he said, very quietly. “You make me sick.”

Ni-ki yanked his arm free. Not looking back, he stormed out of the living room. 

The front door slammed a second later. Heeseung still didn’t lower his hand, gaping at the darkness seeping from the corridor like he couldn’t believe that Ni-ki…

The light in the kitchen flickered again. They were silent.

Sunghoon’s head throbbed, the words echoing in his mind over and over again. His eyes burned and so did his lungs so he breathed out, shakily, and breathed in. 

He hurt Ni-ki. He hurt Ni-ki and Ni-ki… 

“Ah, the joys of parenthood.” Noir clasped his hands together. “You have ten minutes to say goodbye to your family,” he told Heeseung. “That is, if he wants to speak to you. If not, you can use that time to pack your things. That’s your only chance. I’ll be waiting outside.”

To Sunghoon’s surprise, barely had Noir stopped speaking when Jay moved, walking in Heeseung’s direction, his mouth turned down in a frown and his eyes furious. Heeseung turned to him, opening his mouth, his shoulders tensing, but Jay walked past him, shouldering him so hard Heeseung stumbled.

Heeseung watched him go, his eyes wide and his face…

Sunghoon didn’t know if he’d ever seen someone so hurt.

Noir blinked when the echo of the slamming door faded. “Don’t worry.” He sniffled. “That could have gone worse.”

Heeseung straightened his back, turning to Sunghoon.

“Can we talk?” he asked him. His face was blank but his voice almost broke.

Jake stared at Heeseung in disbelief.

Sunghoon swallowed and nodded, not able to find his voice.

“Very well. Off we go.” In a second, Noir appeared next to Jake and hauled him up. Ignoring Jake’s protests, Noir walked across the living room, dragging him with him by his arm. “You’re going to wait outside,” he muttered to him quietly, “and you’re not going piss me off or I’ll smash your brain. Are we clear?”

The door closed for the third time.

For a few seconds, Sunghoon and Heeseung stood, looking at each other. After a minute—a minute too long—Heeseung sat down on the ruined couch, his head in his hands, and Sunghoon hurried to close the distance between them, his heart sinking.

Nine minutes left. Or less.

Sunghoon sat on the couch next to him. 

He had never been good with words and now he felt it more than he had ever before.

He thought he’d hate him. He thought he’d take him by his arms and shake him like a brute. All he felt was guilt, eating him up, hungry and relentless.

None of that would have happened if it hadn’t been for him. If he hadn’t been so damn stupid, striking a deal with Soobin, giving Noir a way out of Heeseung’s and his agreement.

This was Heeseung’s home, Heeseung’s family. Leaving meant tearing himself away from everything and everyone he cared about. Because of him.

“I’m sorry.” Sunghoon’s whisper shattered the silence like glass breaking against the floor. “It’s my fault. If I had listened to you—”

“Stop it.” Heeseung’s voice was quiet but it made Sunghoon shut his mouth. “Don’t you dare say that. Don’t you dare make everything your fault, Sunghoon.”

“But I—”

“But I deserve it,” Heeseung cut him off. His hair shielded his face from Sunghoon’s eyes. 

“Is that…?” Sunghoon let his voice fade. All of that. All of what he had said. True?

“Yeah.” Heeseung’s voice was rough. “I don’t expect you to understand. I made a mistake but it… I did it to protect him. To protect them.”

Sunghoon weighed his words for a few seconds. “Well,” he said calmly, dusting Heeseung’s clothes off. “I have to say you’re good at keeping sons away from their fathers.”

Heeseung let out a wet chuckle. “I’ve never wanted to be good at that.”

“But you are.” Sunghoon folded his arms on his chest, leaning back to prop his back against the back of the couch, and almost falling because it turned out there was a piece of the couch missing. “You should cherish that.”

“I don’t have much time.”

Sunghoon’s smile faded.

“I know.”

“And you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.”

Sunghoon frowned.

“I want to.”

“I don’t think Jay will speak to me ever again.” Heeseung rubbed his face with both hands and then raised his head. His eyes were tired, devoid of the usual, calm sparkle that lived in them. “Not that it matters. I won’t be allowed to see him anyway. Which is for the better.” Heeseung nodded, squinting. “At least he won’t murder me.”

“If I hadn’t made a pact with Soobin, it wouldn’t have happened.” Sunghoon ignored Heeseung’s harsh look and fixated his eyes on the pieces of lamp scattered on the floor. “Noir wouldn’t have told Ni-ki any of that.”

“So? Do you think it would make it all better?” Heeseung let out a humourless laugh.

“Maybe not. But maybe if he had found out in different circumstances, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. And Noir…” Sunghoon pressed his lips together for a few seconds. “What he said wasn’t entirely true.”

“Well, Sunghoon, it was.”

“No.” Sunghoon was sure of that and he huffed when Heeseung shook his head, pushing his hair back with a shaky hand. “No. So why won’t you tell me the truth?”

“Because there isn’t anything more I could say,” Heeseung almost growled at him and Sunghoon didn’t believe him. “The truth you’re looking for doesn’t exist.”

“You’re saying that only because you want us to hate you.” That was what Heeseung would do. He was leaving and he believed it was the last time he saw them, so why would he want them to feel any sadness for him? “You don’t want me to feel guilty over what I’ve done—”

“Well, did you perhaps think that maybe I’m not a good guy, after all, and that not everything is about you, Sunghoon?” Heeseung brushed his hair back again, some dust falling off it. “Life is not a fairytale. You, of all people, should know that.”

Sunghoon folded his arms on his chest, humming. 

“As I said. I don’t believe him,” he insisted and Heeseung shook his head. “If you want to keep it to yourself, then keep it to yourself.”

Heeseung’s eyes darted to the side, another huff leaving him.

“Telling you isn’t going to change anything,” he murmured.

“You’d be surprised.”

“Let me say that again; maybe it would change everything for the worse.”

“That’s flattering but you’re overestimating me.” Sunghoon sniffled. “My interpersonal skills aren’t the best.”

The corner of Heeseung’s lips twitched in a smile. 

“That’s bad for a psychology major.”

“Why are you roasting me?” 

“I realised I’ve never roasted you and I may not get the chance to do it in the future.”

Sunghoon hummed again, ignoring the pain in his chest. “How does it feel?”

Heeseung sighed.

“Wrong.”

“That’s right. Because most psychology majors are messed up, I’m not an exception.”

Heeseung frowned. “You’re not messed up.”

“That’s what I thought. You are a bad guy.” Sunghoon bit the inside of his cheek, observing Heeseung quietly. “So what now?”

The clock was ticking. They should have got a damn clock for the kitchen.

“I’ll leave.” Heeseung lifted his shoulder in a half-shrug, staring at his lap. “Hopefully, Ni-ki won’t. Maybe he’ll cool off and realise that it would be… an unwise decision. Maybe Jay will talk him out of it.”

Sunghoon couldn’t help but doubt Heeseung’s words but he… no, fuck, Ni-ki wouldn’t leave Jay, would he?

“Noir…” Heeseung said his name softer than he should have. “He would have told Ni-ki that, sooner or later. No matter if he promised something or not. Sooner or later, he’d find a way to make me go with him.”

“We can go,” Sunghoon murmured. “Jay and me. I can leave. Jay can leave. We…”

“It won’t do anything, Sunghoon.” Heeseung interrupted him, wiping the dust off his face. “Now it’s not about his father or… his father’s enemies. It’s about Noir. He can kill him or kill you and I won’t be able to stop it. If you told him you sent Soobin after him, he’d… I don’t know what he’d do but I don’t even want to think that. So no, there’s no way out. And if you think of telling Jay that,” Heeseung added blankly, “don’t. I don’t want him to get any stupid ideas into his stupid head.”

Sunghoon rubbed at his knuckles. So that was it. 

“Why does he…”

“Need me?” Heeseung stared ahead, shadows sharpening his face. “He wants to use my blood. You know, when you drink the blood of someone with power, you gain a bit of it— temporarily. You see better, think more clearly. My blood enabled him to better recognise his enemies’ intentions which was… an incredible asset for him. I thought that would be all he wanted but then he came up with a great idea to train me.” Heeseung shook his head in disbelief. “I wasn’t… I couldn’t just say no. Because even though we had a deal, it was… adjustable. As you see now.”

“That’s messed up,” Sunghoon muttered, frowning in disgust. “What a piece of shit.”

“He would have come for me, sooner or later.” Heeseung nibbled on his bottom lip, still staring ahead. “Sooner or later I’d break and it would end up all the same. Because I hated it. I hated each of the meetings since the time he understood there was a way to make me better, to extend my power. The more time I spent with him, the less…” Heeseung swallowed heavily, picking at the skin on his knuckles. “The less I felt like myself.”

Sunghoon could see the way Heeseung’s chest rose faster. He could hear the tremble in his voice.

“We’d do the same thing over and over and…” Blood was red on Heeseung’s lips. “I’m just… I’m scared that when I go with him I won’t remember who I really am. Because I’m already acting up. I already hurt you, I hurt you today and I… I couldn’t control it. I just didn’t want you to tell him, I didn’t want you to put yourself in danger, but it happened and…” Heeseung let out a shaky breath, his eyes glistening. “What if I killed you? If I’m that today, who will I become in a week?”

“Heeseung…”

“In a week? In a month? Ni-ki’s right, I am a monster.” Heeseung buried his face in his hands and Sunghoon could feel his own eyes water. “I’ve been a monster my whole life, I just kept lying to myself I wasn’t one. And he hates me, and he has the right to, but I don’t want him to be lost to him, too. Ni-ki’s good, despite what everyone says, despite what he says. He… He doesn’t deserve to think otherwise and this is…”

“Heeseung,” Sunghoon murmured, grasping his shoulder. Could vampires have panic attacks? “Heeseung, you have to breathe.”

“And this is what he’ll do,” Heeseung choked out, digging his fingers into the sides of his face. Sunghoon swallowed up a gasp, grabbing Heeseung’s wrist when he saw blood. “He’ll hurt him and I can’t protect him, I can’t protect anyone, I’m too weak, and I’m so stupid that I’ve come across him because if I hadn’t—”

“Heeseung,” Sunghoon pleaded, trying to stop panic from flooding his voice because there was nothing he could do to make Heeseung stop. “You’re hurting yourself—”

“—none of that would have happened.” Heeseung stammered, his eyes squeezed shut, his fingers trembling. Blood trickled down the sides of his face. “None of this—would be happening now, we’d be fine, we’d all be fine— ”

“Heeseung” Sunghoon tried to pry Heeseung’s fingers off his face, realising he had no idea what to do. Fucking hell, he really had no idea what to do. His voice cracked as he tried to pull Heeseung’s shaking hands away from his face.

His fingers curled around his wrists but there was little he could do.

“Heeseung, stop.” He forced himself to sound calm. “Look at me.”

Heesueng’s breathing was ragged, his eyes still squeezed shut, his chest heaving, his whole body shivering. He was mumbling to himself, blood dripping down his temples, and Sunghoon’s heart pounded in his chest, a shiver creeping up his spine.

He couldn’t panic. He couldn’t.

If he could control this damn fucking heart—

“Heeseung,” he repeated, firmer, his hold tightening around Heeseung’s wrists. “Look at me. You’re alright.” He shook him slightly. “Heeseung.”

Heeseung’s hands finally stilled under Sunghoon’s grip but his chest was still heaving, his entire body rigid as if… as if he might break at any second. 

“I swear to you, we’re going to be fine.” Sunghoon tried to make his voice sound soothing, calm. “We’re all still here and we’ll get through this. You will get through this but I need you here with me.”

Heeseung’s lashes fluttered, his eyes opening. The blood smeared across his face made him look far more fragile than he ever had.

Sunghoon pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly, his heart slowing down just a little. As Heeseung hid his face in Sunghoon’s neck, a sob tore out of his chest.

“It’s going to be okay,” Sunghoon whispered, shocked, gripping him tightly. He didn’t know if it was a lie but at that moment, they needed to believe it was real. “They don’t hate you, you know. No one can hate you. Breathe.” Sunghoon forced himself to breathe steadily, caressing the back of Heeseung’s neck. “Breathe. Just breathe. I know you wanted to protect them. Ni-ki’s a big boy. He’ll be fine. Jay will be fine, too. I’ll make sure of that.”

Heeseung shuddered against him, tears wetting Sunghoon’s neck. Or maybe that was his blood. Sunghoon hoped that it was blood.

Because if he wasn’t…

For how long had Heeseung been carrying it inside? Why did he think that he couldn’t turn to them for help? To anyone?

They weren’t with him now. They thought it was right to be angry; Sunghoon didn’t know anymore.

He just wished it all happened differently.

He bit the inside of his cheek, wishing his eyes wouldn’t burn so much. 

Sunghoon didn’t know how much time passed. Not much, it couldn’t. They already talked too long and the clock… the clock was ticking.

After some time, Heeseung pulled back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling. Sunghoon decided not to stare like an idiot, instead dabbing away the blood on his face with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Heeseung pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes as if he tried to force his tears back. “It doesn’t matter, does it? We won’t see each other for a very very long time.”

“Heeseung.” Sunghoon placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You know what’s funny,” Heeseung mumbled, his voice muffled, a hint of humour to it. Sunghoon blinked, concerned. “That the part where I leave includes us marrying.”

Sunghoon could feel his eyes grow larger. What the fuck?

“What?” Sunghoon stared at him, trying to comprehend what he said. “Who is us? ”

“Ah, you know.” Heeseung wiped his eyes again. 

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“I mean that it’s not weird to drink your blood if you’re…” Heeseung sighed. “You know. Married.”

“Heeseung, that’s—”

“That’s like funny.” Heeseung rose from the couch, rolling his eyes. “The funniest thing that could have happened.”

As if it was a joke. As if everything was a joke.

“I mean.” Sunghoon’s brain, once again, was gloriously empty. “He’s… handsome.”

Heeseung shot him a look, his eyes rimmed red. He sniffled again, his shoulders relaxing. A line appeared between his eyebrows.

“You think?”

“I think it’s fucked up to think that he’s handsome, but he’s like…” Sunghoon desperately scrambled for words. “Smoking hot.”

Heeseung covered his mouth with his hand, his body shaking in something that could be laughter if Heeseung’s eyes weren’t glossy with tears and if in a minute, he wasn’t going to leave his house and his garden and his family and his life, and never look back.

“I’m going to pack.” Heeseung trailed to the staircase. “I have less than a minute.”

Sunghoon nodded, though Heeseung couldn’t see it.

Heeseung paused before taking the first step. “And Sunghoon?”

He looked at Sunghoon over his shoulder. His face was a bit red, not from the blood because Sunghoon had managed to wipe it off, but his eyes…

“Thank you,” Heeseung muttered.

For the first time this evening, his eyes seemed calm.

*

Sunghoon was numb. His muscles felt heavy, pulling him down. His legs threatened him that they would give out on him soon.

Is it really happening? 

He had asked himself that question many times. Always, the answer was yes. Which was why he didn’t like asking himself that question.

And yet, he did it again.

Or was it a dream, his subconscious trying to warn him that Heeseung needed help? Help that didn’t involve anyone dying?

No one had died for him. 

Ni-ki wasn’t there when Heeseung left. As soon as Sunghoon and Heeseung walked outside, he disappeared from Noir’s side. He went to his room. He was never in his room when he was supposed to be but he was there now.

A bag draped over his shoulder, his coat on, his face clean of blood and dust. Black boots, a dark blue scarf around his neck. Ruffled black hair, soft eyes, straight nose and lips that didn’t smile. Serious gaze, dark brown eyes. That was all that Heeseung was. 

Jay, on the other hand, stayed. 

Maybe it was a big brother’s duty. Maybe he wanted to see Heeseung one last time. Maybe he wanted to make sure that Noir was leaving.

Jay didn’t spare Heeseung a glance, though, even when Heeseung’s eyes lingered on him. Even when Heeseung stood next to him until Noir gave him a gentle push and told him they had to go.

Sunghoon wished he could curse Jay for that. For his silence, for his indifference, for his stubbornness. 

He couldn’t. It wasn’t his right. It wasn’t his place. 

Even Jake seemed more emotional than the person who had spent a hundred years with Heeseung. He was sitting on the stairs, staring at him with his eyes glistening dully, his body rocked with shivers, his T-shirt doing little to lock the heat inside his body.

A puff of white air escaped Sunghoon’s lips, his own skin growing cold.

It was cold. 

Heeseung trailed a few steps behind Noir. He had left his coat in the end because Jake had been in the cold for too long.

Sunghoon thought he couldn’t be bad. But what could he know?

Heeseung took step after step along the path, moving further away from the black house, from his sleeping garden. Leaving the trees, dried flowers, and a bulb of white-pink tulip which he had failed to find again. 

When the garden awakens, will they see him once more?

Soon, he was swallowed by the night, spreading its gentle wings over the forest. He didn’t look back.

Jay didn’t stay to watch that happen. Without a word, he walked inside the house.

Sunghoon stood in the cold until clouds stretched, stars disappeared, and his heart turned to stone. Jake, next to him.

*

Sunghoon didn’t stay overnight, though, for a brief second, he thought that maybe he should. There was no space for him now and he knew that he should be one providing space to both Jay and Ni-ki.

Jay had to talk to his brother and Sunghoon wasn’t in a position to linger around their house when he would do so. 

Sunghoon didn’t get the chance to tell Jay that they were leaving so he texted him. His fingers hung over the screen for too long before he managed to write a simple message. 

He itched to say something more, even if he wasn’t sure what to say exactly. What could he say? 

Don’t hate me? I’m sorry that it happened? Did you figure out that it was my fault, too? 

Paramedics agreed for Sunghoon to ride with Jake to the hospital in the ambulance, though they seemed suspicious when Sunghoon told them that they were brothers. Maybe he should have simply told them that they were friends, but in the end, it didn’t matter. They were asked what happened and Sunghoon murmured that the ceiling in the house had collapsed. 

Jake slept throughout the ride.

In the hospital, Sunghoon waited in the corridor silently, on one of the plastic chairs, fiddling with the strap of the bag lying in his lap. It belonged to Jay, most likely. Sunghoon had hidden Jake’s daggers and his apartment key in there, after pulling all that from underneath some glass and debris.

Tiredness was catching up with him. His bones were creaking every time he changed his position on the uncomfortable chair, his muscles felt as heavy as iron. His eyes burned as if he hadn’t slept a couple of days. 

The sky looked as if night had already fallen even though it was still only evening. 

A nurse on duty, wearing a pink scrub, shot him a strange look a few times as she passed by him. Eventually, when she did so one more time, Sunghoon felt obligated to explain that he was waiting for a friend with a concussion who was having a medical examination, a CT scan or something like that. 

The nurse sized him up, sighed, and invited him into a room. Sunghoon sprang to his feet, relieved. He was going to see Jake.

Sunghoon wouldn’t have followed her if he had known she wanted him to have a check-up, not lead him to Jake. 

Feeling deceived, he sat through each step of it, and tried not to be a baby when the nurse disinfected the wounds on his face (he forgot he had any), pulling larger of the cuts together with adhesive tape. He also didn’t move when she put eye drops in his eyes and told him to avoid eating spicy foods until his tongue healed. 

After he thanked her, he went back to the corridor and slumped on the chair again, trying not to let his thoughts wander too much.

He saw Jake an hour later. Because of the concussion, Jake was supposed to stay in the hospital for the night. The doctor—a rather pleasant older man with dark circles under his eyes—told Sunghoon to make sure Jake would rest a lot and prevent himself from any physical activities. Also, that Jake should be happy he didn’t have to stay more than one day.

Sunghoon could pick him up tomorrow in the late afternoon.

Sunghoon waited for Jake to fall asleep (it didn’t take much time) and, hoping he’d sleep through the night without waking up, he headed home. 

Jungwon greeted him with enthusiasm which disappeared the second he took a better look at Sunghoon’s face. After murmuring a few explanations (“the ceiling in Jay’s house collapsed, Jake’s in the hospital and I’ll pick him up tomorrow, we’re fine”), Sunghoon went to the bathroom to clean off the remains of dust and blood still sticking to his body, and then almost blindly found his bed.

He fell asleep as soon as his body hit the mattress. 

That night, he didn’t have any dreams.

***

Getting through the next day wasn’t easy at all. Sunghoon looked out for Jay but he quickly realised Jay didn’t come to his classes. 

It wasn’t that he’d expected him to come. It was already in his muscle memory, keeping an eye out for him.

Sunoo did appear, though, dressed in his blindingly white jacket and thick black jeans. He wasn’t as bubbly as he usually was and Jungwon didn’t flinch from pointing out the change in his mood. Sunoo answered that he was feeling under the weather (“It’s probably because of the virus circulating around”).

“Are Heeseung and Jay both sick?” Jungwon asked, closing his notebook.

“Yep.” Sunghoon dug his fork into his pasta. Today, he had no issues ignoring the cacophony of noises around him, even though the cafeteriawas filled to the brim. “Most likely.”

Sunoo’s mouth twitched in disgust upon hearing Heeseung’s name. Sunghoon tried not to think about him.

Jay still hadn’t answered his phone. Fortunately, Sunghoon had managed to corner Sunoo as he was leaving the P.E. building and get some answers out of him. According to Sunoo, Ni-ki was still at home and Jay was doing fine so far, he was just “more snappy than usual”. 

Sunoo didn’t mention Heeseung even once. When his name slipped from Sunghoon’s mouth, Sunoo’s expression hardened and he told him that he was already late for his next class and he had to go.

Sunoo walked right back into the building, leaving Sunghoon in the cold, November wind.

“Hm. Maybe you should stay at home, too.” Jungwon nibbled on his bottom lip, eyeing Sunoo with narrowed eyes. “Rest a bit. Maybe you won’t get sick. Are you sure you don’t need any help with the ceiling?” 

“I don’t think so,” Sunoo refused gently, sipping on his juice. Cranberry juice. Yeah, right. “We’ll be dealing with it over the weekend. How’s Jake?”

“He’s fine.” Sunghoon glared at Sunoo at the same time Jungwon answered, “he has a concussion and is in the hospital”.

“I hope he’ll heal fast,” Sunoo said lightly, leaning back in his chair. 

“I bet you do,” Sunghoon muttered under his breath, shoving pasta into his mouth. “I have to go to the library before classes,” he announced and Jungwon nodded, brushing his black hair back, observing Sunghoon silently. “If I have the physical copy of the book, maybe no one will ask me about it.”

“Well…” Jungwon didn’t look convinced, now holding onto his sandwich with both hands, as if he was holding a flute. “I’ll see you soon, Hoon.”

Sunghoon said his goodbyes and left the caféteria, dumping his pasta into the rubbish bin on the way out. 

A few people stared at him as he walked down the corridor and Sunghoon couldn’t blame them. The cuts on Sunghoon’s face would need a couple of days to disappear. Until this time, he was going to look as if he walked into a display window. 

On his way to the bathroom, he once again checked his phone for messages. Jake sent him another few, among other things asking if Sunghoon could come to the hospital earlier. There were no new messages from Jay.

Sunghoon answered Jake’s messages and slid his phone back into the pocket of his jacket. He stared at the sky and grey billowy clouds. He could only hope that Jay was okay.

If something else had happened, Sunoo would have told him. At least, for that, Sunghoon could also hope for.

Selfishly, he also hoped that Jay would soon answer his texts. That was, if he had any spare time between keeping the house from collapsing and making sure Ni-ki wasn’t going to leave. Though, if he had some time, he probably used it to sort his head out the way only he could.

*

Sunghoon had cancelled today’s piano lesson. Surprise.

Just as Sunghoon had promised, he came to the hospital earlier, right after his classes. 

He and Jake waited for the discharge from the hospital for three hours. After Jake changed into the clothes Sunghoon brought him and they tucked his old clothes and Jake’s borrowed coat into a bag, they spent the rest of the time talking quietly about anything but yesterday. 

The hospital, Sunghoon guessed, wasn’t the right place to talk about what had happened.

Sunghoon shared with Jake what he told Jungwon that had happened to them and Jake mumbled about weird dreams he had at night, disgusting hospital food, and how annoying his newfound fatigue was.

Jake had a new dressing plastered to the side of his face. He looked a bit tired and pale (“I slept for twelve hours,” he muttered when Sunghoon eyed him suspiciously) but Sunghoon knew it wasn’t anything unusual, considering what he had been through. At least, Jake was happy that he didn’t have his head bandaged like “a complete buffon”, which he had the night before, and that he didn’t have as many cuts on his face as Sunghoon did.

Which, as Jake smugly teased, he owed to Jay, who decided to protect him instead of Sunghoon. Well, Sunghoon was grateful for that. He was glad that Jay was next to Jake when the house fell apart.

Jake wasn’t supposed to go back to the university for the remaining week but after that, he was free to do as he pleased except for a few things, for example fighting vampires or using his laptop excessively (“yeah, not in this economy,” Jake muttered under his breath). He was also supposed to be cutting down on junk food, coffee and alcohol. 

Jake gestured at himself as Sunghoon read out those things from the list they had. The taxi wasn’t the right place to talk about what had happened either, which was why they were focusing on the list.

“Do I look like I’m eating junk food?”

“Yes,” Sunghoon answered without missing a beat, his eyes still scanning the list. “You also look like an alcoholic. Who uses coffee as a cure for sleep.”

Jake slumped in his seat, raising his eyes to the roof of the car. He tried to prop his chin on his hand, but decided against it, probably because of his bruised jaw. He settled on folding his arms on his chest.

Sunghoon didn’t ask who was responsible for his concussion. He didn’t ask who had bruised his face and why Heeseung’s arm was bleeding as if someone had cut it. He didn’t ask if he woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t fall asleep again.

“So.” Sunghoon shoved the list back in the bag, his eyes back on Jake’s pale face. “Before doing all of that, do you want to get McDonald’s? ”

Jake’s brown eyes brightened as he looked at him and for a second, Sunghoon felt a bit better.

***

Jay reached out to Sunghoon three days after Heeseung took his leave. 

It was three days too long for Sunghoon, who lived off the scraps he tore out of Sunoo’s reluctant throat. In other circumstances, Sunghoon would think he was overreacting, as three days wasn’t a long period of time when not talking to someone, but this time, he thought that checking his phone feral was justified.

He thought that Jay needed any support he could get.

At the same time, Sunghoon was aware that Jay also needed his space and if he wanted to come to Sunghoon, he would. Jay wasn’t an idiot like him, he didn’t need to be constantly reminded that “not talking” wasn’t an equivalent of “I don’t care about you”, but rather “I’m not reaching out excessively because you may not want that and I respect that”, or so Sunghoon hoped.

Well, if Sunghoon had any doubts, they were all dispelled the moment Sunghoon opened the window on Sunday night to let Jay into his room.

Sunghoon didn’t even manage to get a good look on Jay’s face because Jay was already pulling him into a rib-crushing hug. 

Sunghoon was sure something snapped in his sternum but he wasn’t going to complain when he could wrap his arms around Jay as relief washed over him while the tension lingering in his muscles unsurely finally melted away. 

Fuck. He was fine. Of course he was fine.

“Sorry for being late,” Jay murmured in Sunghoon’s neck, his breath tickling him. The familiar smell of his cologne was faint.

“Not late.” Sunghoon brushed his hand down Jay’s back. He shivered as the cold air seeped through the open window so when Jay stepped back, Sunghoon hurried to close it. 

As he did so, he glanced at the forest in the distance, barely illuminated by the moon.

Sunghoon turned to Jay but he was already making his way to Sunghoon’s desk, giving him the impression that he had his mind set on going through Sunghoon’s pathetic attempts at writing a compensatory essay for one of his classes. 

Jay leaned against the desk, his shoulder relaxing as he looked at Sunghoon calmly, as if the last time they had seen each other wasn’t when Jay walked back into his house so as not to see his brother leaving with a black-magic vampire.

Sunghoon met Jay’s gaze without a word.

Jay, unsurprisingly, didn’t change. His black hair was parting in the middle, his dark eyes were calm and inscrutable, and his shirt was opened two buttons too far (if Sunghoon could even say that). 

Sunghoon studied his face for a few seconds, remembering the way his fury had altered his features, and how disappointment had twisted the corners of his mouth into a grimace when he listened to the exchange between Heeseung and Ni-ki.

Sunghoon couldn’t find anything worrying about him and it troubled him. 

He didn’t expect Jay to break down in front of him or show any vulnerability, no—he expected himself to see something that could remain unseen to someone else’s eyes. 

Sunghoon was sure he knew Jay well enough to spot these things, he was sure that he knew how to read him, and yet now, he didn’t see anything. And it wasn’t because it was the middle of the night and Sunghoon’s night lamp’s bulb had gone out.

Was Jay so good at pretending? Or was he so used to losing people close to him that he taught himself to push their names and lives to the back of his mind and into the box he would never open again?

Jay wasn’t like that. He never forgot.

The silence didn’t last long. It rarely did when it came to them. 

Jay cocked his head to the side. A smile appeared on his face, that smirk that used to drive Sunghoon mad every time Jay flashed it at him from across the street. Now, it only made fondness grow in his chest. “Like what you see?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Sunghoon closed the distance between them and stood just in front of him. Jay was observing him thoughtfully. “How are you?”

“Pretty good.” Jay brushed Sunghoon’s hair from his cheek. His hand was warm. “Did I wake you up?”

“It’s only ten. I haven’t even showered yet.” 

Jay blinked, his hand landing on Sunghoon’s hip.

“Why is your light turned off, then?”

Sunghoon sniffled. Well, he was napping but he didn’t do that on purpose. 

“I’m saving electricity.”

“Is that so?”

“Our bills went up and we prefer warmth to light.”

A line of concern appeared between Jay’s eyebrows. 

“I can pay your bills.”

“I was joking, you idiot.” Sunghoon pressed his fingers to Jay’s shoulder. He could feel the warmth of his skin underneath his shirt. “So how are you? Really.”

“You know.” Jay let out a sigh, his gaze wandering to something behind Sunghoon’s back. Sunghoon forced himself not to look over his shoulder. “We cleaned pretty much everything and the construction crew is coming tomorrow to fix a few things. I’ll be at the campus this time, though. How’s Jake?”

“Jake?” Sunghoon repeated softly.

“Yeah.” Jay blinked. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“He left the hospital after spending about a day under observation.” Sunghoon hoped that right now Jake was being a good patient, resting in his bed. He knew that hunters with broken bones were still expected to do something for the team but concussion had to be enough to grant Jake some sort of sick leave, right? “He had a concussion just as…” Just as Heeseung said. “But it could have been much worse. If it hadn’t been for you.”

“Oh, I just pushed away a block of cement so it wouldn’t smash his head.” Jay waved his hand dismissively, his nose wrinkling. “It’s not a big deal.”

“No, not at all.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Jay grew serious, his smile fading. “I should have stayed close to you.”

Sunghoon shook his head. It didn’t matter. That thought didn’t even cross his head. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

He hadn’t been at risk of concrete dropping on his head. 

“Well.” Jay caressed Sunghoon’s cheek with the back of his hand. Sunghoon shivered when Jay’s breath tickled his ear as he leaned in. “I would have protected your pretty face.”

Sunghoon leaned in too, almost giving in, selfishly. It was easier, it was a game they had always played, something that nestled itself in Sunghoon’s bones before he even felt genuine affection towards this asshole. 

Sunghoon made an effort to break the habit of referring to his relationship with Jay as a game. It wasn’t a game, not for him; they had faced too much together to simply play everything off.

“Is there something we could do to take him back?” Sunghoon asked and Jay’s fingers froze.

He stared at Sunghoon with a frown on his face, as if he didn’t understand what Sunghoon was saying.

“What are you talking about?”

“Who? Heeseung,” Sunghoon said, and if he had blinked, he would have missed the twitch in the muscle of Jay’s jaw. “What could we do to take him back?”

Jay gazed at Sunghoon, wondering, his eyes half-lidded. “Nothing, obviously,” he answered flatly. “Even if I wanted to get him back—which I don’t—there’s no way to do that.”

Sunghoon could feel himself frown as he stared at Jay’s blank face. He ignored the unpleasant twist in his belly.

“What do you mean you don’t want to get him back? He’s your brother.”

“So?” Jay raised his eyebrows, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. “Do you miss him already?”

“It’s not that. He doesn’t deserve that fate.” Sunghoon shifted his weight from one leg to another. 

“Do you know what he doesn’t deserve?” Jay tapped his fingers against Sunghoon’s hip. “Your pity. Or us mentioning him.”

Sunghoon stared at him, not quite believing him.

“Are you serious?” he muttered without any tone of accusation in his voice. 

“Do you think I’m joking?” Jay let out a huff, the frown on his deepening. The desk creaked quietly under his weight. “Did we witness the same thing or were you somewhere else?” Sunghoon narrowed his eyes. “He had been lying to Ni-ki for eighteen years. Eighteen years, Sunghoon.” Well, it was less than that. “He’s responsible for his mother’s death and he did everything he could to prevent his father from finding him again—who does a fucked up thing like that?”

“The kind of person who tries to protect those whom he loves,” Sunghoon answered without missing a beat and Jay tipped his head back with a groan of ‘please!’ “You couldn’t have believed everything that coffin dodger said, could you?” Noir hadn’t been honest with them. “He’s a manipulative piece of shit…”

“He is a manipulative piece of shit,” Jay gritted out, his eyes boring into Sunghoon’s. “And I see that when he asked to speak to you he manipulated you, too.”

“He didn’t manipulate me,” Sunghoon disagreed, avoiding Jay’s eyes. “There’s more to all of that than what we all heard.”

“Then why didn’t he deny it like Ni-ki asked him to?” Jay’s eyes were boring into Sunghoon.

“I don’t know, maybe because he couldn’t.” Sunghoon drew in a long breath, a bit too loudly. “Maybe he had something to lose.”

“So he preferred to lose his family instead of that,” Jay summed up sarcastically. “That makes sense.”

“It could make sense if you helped me out a little—”

“Lying to him is like second nature. He’s been doing it since he taught Riki to speak, do you think he’d stop all of a sudden?” Jay’s eyes were stormy. “He doesn’t even think when he does that. You should understand that. You lie to Jungwon without a stutter.”

For a second, Sunghoon was taken aback by Jay’s words. “I do that to protect him,” he murmured.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.”

“He already found out about you but you decided to get rid of his memories.” Sunghoon clenched his hand on Jay’s shoulder when Jay opened his mouth to protest. “So don’t accuse me of something you were afraid to face.”

“I’m just trying to explain it to you—”

“And I’m just saying,” Sunghoon interrupted him, buttoning up Jay’s shirt to keep his hands busy, “that there’s… something more to it. To Heeseung. You shouldn’t hate him. I know it’s… I imagine it must be difficult.” After all, Sunghoon had never lost anyone. Not like Jay had. “I know you’re angry, that you… that you don’t want to know him. But you can’t just turn your back to him.”

Jay let Sunghoon smooth out the wrinkle on his shirt but then grasped his wrist and gently brought it down.

“I didn’t come here for you to tell me what to do,” he said quietly and Sunghoon pressed his lips together. 

“It’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to talk.”

“Well, we won’t be talking if you keep on glorifying that bastard. I didn’t ask him to fuck up my brother’s life, did I?”

“He must have had a reason—”

“No, he didn’t have to,” Jay answered without missing a beat. “Stop saying that.”

“But…” He had to have a reason.

“Even if he had one, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s done more bad than good.”

“But—”

“No.” Jay pressed his thumb to the inside of Sunghoon’s wrist. It was careful but it made Sunghoon’s words die in his throat. “No. I’m sorry that you thought that he was trustworthy but that’s how it is sometimes. You never know what someone’s hiding and who they really are. I thought I knew him and I still didn’t see it coming. I’d known him much longer than you did.”

Sunghoon nibbled on his bottom lip because Jay could be right, he had the right to think that, but something wasn’t right, it wasn’t right to give up on Heeseung so fast.

Jay sighed heavily, raising his hand. Using his thumb, he pushed down on Sunghoon’s bottom lip before he could draw blood.

Sunghoon glared at him, dissatisfied. Fucker. 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then we don’t have to,” Sunghoon said dryly when he managed to pull Jay’s hand away from his face. “Maybe I overstepped.”

“You didn’t.” Jay observed Sunghoon calmly. “I’m not asking you to agree with me. You can think whatever you want about him; you can keep idealising him if that’s your wish. But I have my own thoughts and my own beliefs, and no words you say will change them. So it’ll be better if you don’t speak about it at all. Not to me.”

Sunghoon stared at the buttons of Jay’s shirt for a couple of seconds before nodding his head. 

Maybe if Jay had agreed to talk to Heeseung and if he’d seen what Sunghoon had seen, he wouldn’t be against him now. 

Somehow he… he still couldn’t believe that the words leaving Jay’s mouth were his true thoughts. 

Jay and Heeseung were like brothers. They were together more than they were alone. Sunghoon should understand that; their bond fell apart because Heeseung… betrayed them. Sunghoon shouldn’t be questioning that. 

Jay hummed when the silence prolonged. “What is it that you don’t understand?”

Sunghoon hesitated, wondering if it was right to say it after he’d riled him up. He decided that yes, it was, mostly because the expression on Jay’s face, for some reason, annoyed him.

“I shouldn’t be thinking about it like that,” Sunghoon started, just to state the fact that he didn’t mean to compare anyone, “but I can’t imagine not forgiving Jake for something. I can’t imagine treating him like a stranger all of a sudden. And you’ve known Heeseung so long. You lived together, hunted together, you went against the world together.” It was unsettling, speaking of Heeseung in the past tense, as if he was dead. “But you’re just. Done with him.”

“Fuck.” Jay let out air through his teeth with a hiss. He ran his free hand through his hair, black strands sticking to his face like shadows. “I thought you’d say some crazy shit.”

Sunghoon tugged at Jay’s shirt so as not to punch him in the face.

Jay narrowed his eyes at him. “So you’re saying there is nothing that could make you want to break off contact with your precious hunter friend and not have anything to do with him anymore.”

That was exactly what Sunghoon was saying. There simply wasn’t anything like that. Nothing that they couldn’t fix.

“And the other way around?” Jay made sure and Sunghoon hummed.

“Nothing is unfixable.”

“Even if he killed your dog?”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“That’s not my point.”

“He wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.” Jay sighed. “See? You don’t expect it and then it happens.”

Sunghoon almost winced.

“I think I’ve said that before.” Jay played with the collar of Sunghoon’s shirt for a few seconds. “But you’re lucky to have that sort of bond. It’s a rare thing. I suppose, even rarer than love. He and I… We don’t have it. He could have told me, you know.” Jay licked his lips. “He didn’t have to lie to me too. He could have relied on me. I suppose he thought I wasn’t worth his trust. That I wouldn’t have been able to help him anyway. And I would have. If there was anything to save in the first place.”

Maybe that was what Heeseung thought. That there was nothing in him worth saving.

The moon hid behind the clouds. The room was dark again but Sunghoon’s eyes had already got used to the darkness, so he had no difficulties seeing Jay’s face. 

Their breaths were the only sound disrupting the easy silence between them.

A few seconds later, from behind the wall, came Jungwon’s muffled scream of anger, startling them both.

Sunghoon suspected that Sunoo once again detonated both of their characters in Fortnite. 

“You know that you can count on me, still?” Sunghoon added quietly when Jungwon’s curses trailed off. His eyes darted to Jay’s hands. “Even though I’m…”

“You’re a what?” Jay cocked his head to the side. He was so easy to look at. It wasn’t fair. 

“Well, just a human.” Sunghoon drew in a long breath. “Noir came to your house because of me. Because I’ve sent Soobin after him. Heeseung didn’t do that.”

“It was when you made a blood pact with him, isn’t that right?”

“Yeah.”

“Figured that one out. You idiot.” Jay hummed, pressing his fingers into the small of Sunghoon’s back. “It would have happened sooner or later. I suppose. I prefer this to having him lie to Riki any longer.”

Sunghoon bit on the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t forget the way Heeseung shook in his arms nor the way he picked himself up and tried to make Sunghoon believe he was fine.

If Jay was in Heeseung’s place and Heeseung was in Jay’s, Heeseung would already be after him. But then, Jay wouldn’t have lied to Ni-ki, he wouldn’t have… 

Sunghoon refused to think Heeseung was responsible for the death of Ni-ki’s mom. He couldn’t believe it.

But then, Jay knew Heeseung better than him. Much better.

“How is he?” Sunghoon tucked a lost strand of hair behind Jay’s ear. 

Jay scratched the skin under his eye, hesitating.

“I’m not sure,” he said. The moon emerged from behind the clouds once again, bathing his face in silver light. 

Jay cast a contemplative glance at it, as though he had just remembered that it was the one thing binding werewolves and vampires together.

“He’s… different now.”

Sunghoon could only imagine what it meant. 

“He’s hurt, obviously.” Jay drew his bottom lip between his teeth, for a few seconds staring into nothing. “He doesn’t speak to me too much. Or to Sunoo. He just sits in his room or wanders around the house. He did help to clean it, though. He listened to me when I talked to him. I don’t know if he will leave or not. I feel like he’s thinking about it.”

“Give him time.” Sunghoon was sure Jay had thought about that but Jay nodded nonetheless. “I’m sure he needs it to… sort it all out. There’s a lot on his head now.”

“I told him that no matter what he decides, he’ll still be my little brother.” Jay was looking at the moon. “Even if he feels like he isn’t. I told him to think about it and to make a decision he thinks is best for him.”

Sunghoon’s throat was dry when he spoke again.

“He’s a wildcard, this one.”

He had always been.

Jay let out a short laugh, his eyes crinkling like Ni-ki’s did on rare occasions a genuine smile appeared on his face.

“Yeah.” Jay let out a long sigh, his smile turning melancholic. “He is.”

Wildcard, or wildfire. 

Sunghoon tried to stifle the guilt rising in his stomach. 

Ni-ki was simply wild.

***

On Monday, the four of them were eating lunch together, sitting at the cursed table of the campus. Today, for the first time in many days, most tables were occupied by students, many of whom had recklessly abandoned their jackets.

It was one of these rare November days when the sky was dazzlingly blue and the sun shone brightly and shed warm light over every surface on the Earth it could reach. Including Sunghoon’s face. 

At the same time, it was the last week of November. Sunghoon didn’t understand how time flew so fast. Though autumn was going to last for some more time, stepping into December was too similar to walking into a minefield, and Sunghoon wasn’t particularly keen on getting blown up.

Sunghoon abandoned his food a few minutes ago and now had his eyes closed, his face turned towards the sun as he bathed in its warmth. He was listening half-heartedly to the conversation Jay, Jungwon, and Sunoo were having, his fingers curled around his phone in case Jake texted him. He only opened his eyes when he heard Jungwon curse—it turned out that Sunoo knocked over his coffee.

He doubted it happened by accident. Sunghoon was only glad he wasn’t in the range of it. He wondered what Sunoo would do if Sunghoon knocked over Sunoo’s blood-filled cup. 

It was still strange to think that even if Jay drank that blood, it wouldn’t provide him enough strength anyway. Very unsettling.

Today, Sunoo was dressed not only in his white jacket but also in a ridiculous black hat and huge black glasses that covered most of his face. He made a perfect picture of a childless, nosy aunt who showed up for the first time in twenty years for her father’s funeral to start a family drama over the inheritance that had been fully passed to her.

Jay, on the other hand, left his leather jacket on the bench and was sitting in his black shirt only, his sleeves rolled up neatly as he munched on Sunghoon’s food, his eyebrows drawn together disapprovingly.

Sunghoon didn’t understand why Jay was eating it. 

Maybe it was his form of self-expression. Making faces while eating food he didn’t like. 

Maybe he was trying to piss Sunoo off for some reason. Sunghoon thought there was a bit of a tension between these two but he hadn’t yet figured what it was. He also didn’t know Sunoo’s view on all of what had happened. He did refuse to speak about Heeseung to Sunghoon but he must have talked about it with Jay, right?

Sunghoon talked to Jay yesterday but he’d already gathered enough self-preservation to not bring Heeseung into any conversation with Jay or Sunoo. 

Jungwon watched Sunoo clean the table with narrowed eyes. His hair had got a bit longer, curling around his jaw.

“Is Heeseung still ill?” Jungwon asked, rather off-topic, and Sunghoon blinked.

Though, he might have stopped listening at some point. The conversation did trail off for a bit.

“It’s been only a few days,” Sunghoon offered carefully because what was he supposed to say?

He sent Jay a look, who swallowed his food. Sunghoon could almost see Jay considering telling Jungwon “no, Heeseung died from the illness, why do you think Sunoo’s dressed like that?” but in the end, he opted for a more family-friendly option. 

Which still took Sunghoon by surprise—not because of the explanation, but rather because of Jay’s matter-of-fact tone.

“He’s moved out,” Jay dropped and Jungwon looked at him with round eyes. “He took his documents from the university and submitted them somewhere else.”

“Really?” Jungwon’s elbow almost slipped off the table, as he frowned, trying to hide his surprise. He would probably do it well if he wasn’t surrounded by Sunghoon and two vampires who memorised all of his expressions years ago. “Where?”

Jay took a few seconds to answer as he shoved another piece of Sunghoon’s chicken into his mouth.

“Ottawa,” he answered dryly.

“Oh.” Jungwon glanced at Sunghoon questioningly. Sunghoon hoped that his eyes expressed ‘I didn’t know anything, that’s why I didn’t tell you’ but he couldn’t be sure. He could always tell Jungwon that Jay didn’t tell him but he was getting tired from their constant lies. It would be much easier if Jungwon just knew. “That’s… sudden.”

“Yeah.” Jay’s eyes darted to Sunghoon. With the sunlight playing in them, the brown in them was as prominent as ever. Jay fixated his eyes back on Jungwon. “He didn’t exactly tell us about his plans before.”

“That’s a bit…” Jungwon’s forehead creased. “Hm, sudden,” he repeated sheepishly. “I hope he’ll manage, though.”

“Surely.” Jay’s tone of voice was still flat. “He’s an adult. He’ll figure it out.”

“Especially that he’s the one who came up with that idea.” The sound of the straw slurping—Sunoo was settled on sucking all the blood from the cup—was driving Sunghoon mad but he did his best not to show it, brushing his hair back without a word. 

“For how long?” Jungwon asked, his voice quiet. Sunghoon stared at two girls a couple of metres from them. They tripped into bushes with a squeal. He pretended he didn’t see them.

“Not sure.” Jay’s answer, once again, was short. 

Jungwon didn’t ask any more questions about Heeseung and when Sunoo commented on the weather, he picked up the topic with little enthusiasm. 

Jungwon warmed up to Heeseung, really warmed up. Jungwon had never tried to talk to him outside of their group meetings and he also didn’t talk to Sunghoon about him too much, but it wasn’t hard to guess that he was a bit charmed by him. 

But then, who wasn’t? 

Jungwon was just another person who needed time to move on from Heeseung. Hopefully, in his case, it wouldn’t take too long. After all, he did get over Will in a flash of an eye.

Sunghoon lit up his phone screen to check the time. When he opened his mouth to say that he had to go (he had the longest distance to cover to arrive at his faculty), Jay rose from his seat in an instant.

“I’ll walk you to the class,” he said, packing Sunghoon’s lunch box into his bag. 

Well, Sunghoon would never decline an offer like that.

They said goodbye to Jungwon and Sunoo, gathered their belongings and headed in the direction of Sunghoon’s faculty building. Jay put on his jacket only after Sunghoon told him it was still too cold to wear a shirt with rolled-up sleeves if he didn’t want to bring attention to them.

Not because wearing a shirt at the end of November was strange but Sunghoon saw girls literally drooling at the sight of Jay’s arms, which was understandable but it was also disturbing and weird. 

It was only a matter of time before people would realise that Heeseung wasn’t showing up to his classes anymore. The question was, who was going to talk about it first?

They would probably assume Heeseung was dead, just like professor Infill was, until they dug out confidential information that Heeseung’s documents weren’t in the deanery archives anymore. 

“Would you like me to drive you to Jake?” Jay tugged at Sunghoon’s scarf. Sunghoon was not going to take that off. “It’s not a problem.”

“I’m okay.” Sunghoon caught Jay’s wrist. They almost walked into one of the tables that crossed their path. “I’ll take a bus. But thanks.”

“You said you wanted to buy him some groceries.”

“Yes, and I can do that without your fancy car taking my ass everywhere. Though I appreciate it.”

Jay let out a hum. For a few seconds, they walked in silence, Jay’s fingers pressing playfully into the back of Sunghoon’s hand as he held it.

“Besides,” Sunghoon said suddenly, a thought crossing his mind, “shouldn’t you make sure the construction crew does everything as they should?”

“Hmm. Maybe.” Jay seemed already lost in his own thoughts.

Sunghoon left him to them, looking around as they walked. Something unpleasant lingered on his skin but he couldn’t shake it off.

“Did you talk to him about it?” Jay asked after a few seconds.

“It” meant… the event. Sunghoon wasn’t sure what he was supposed to call it.

“Not really.” Sunghoon swung Jay’s hand just to watch him stumble. “We haven’t got a chance yet.”

Jay opened his mouth and closed it. He let out a sigh, shaking his head when Sunghoon sent him a questioning glance.

“Jake has H…” Sunghoon bit his tongue before he managed to say his name. It flared with pain, still not healed. Ouch. “A coat to return to you.”

For a few seconds, Jay gazed at Sunghoon without a word.

“He can throw it out or keep it. I don’t care.”

Sunghoon cleared his throat, glancing down at Jay’s hand. “Right. I’ll pass it to him.”

“It’s not worth it,” Jay said and Sunghoon blinked, focusing his eyes on his face. “Talking about it. You should forget about it. About what happened. I don’t want you to worry about it, yeah?”

Sunghoon hummed noncommittally. He couldn’t just switch off his thinking. 

Jay couldn’t either but he could pretend as much as he wanted.

Even in the sunlight, Jay’s hair was as black as ink. After a minute or two, they arrived at the stairs of Sunghoon’s faculty.

Sunghoon looked around, checking if anyone was looking in their direction (there wasn’t anyone staring, obviously) and gave Jay a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and he climbed up the stairs.

Jay was still standing at the bottom of them when Sunghoon stopped at the front door. Jay was crossing his arms on his chest. 

“Next time, try to aim better,” he told Sunghoon and then, not caring whether someone saw him or not, he disappeared into thin air, as if he had never existed.

*

“I see someone beat me to it,” Sunghoon muttered to himself, glaring at the plastic bag placed on the counter in Jake’s kitchen as he lowered down his own bags (one had a ladybird pattern, the second one was covered in plants).

“A friend of mine was here.” Jake’s muffled answer came a second later. 

Sunghoon hoped that whoever that idiot was didn’t bother Jake too much.

Ah, no. He was his friend. He had to remember that. 

“That’s nice.” Sunghoon looked inside the bag. He found a couple of cans of peas there. Nothing else. Sunghoon frowned. Did they use cans of peas to fight werewolves or what? “Anyway. I’ve got you some food.”

Jake peered out from behind his bedroom door. He’d already changed his shirt into a new one. “McDonald’s?”

“No.” Sunghoon shattered his hopes without mercy. “You’re done with this shit for another month. I’m making chicken.”

Jake muttered something under his breath before disappearing into his room again.

 “What the fuck did you just say?” Sunghoon started to unpack his own and better groceries.

“That I love your cooking.” Irony rang in Jake’s voice and Sunghoon sent a look in the direction of his room.

“Eat shit.”

“Yeah, I’m about to.”

After fifty minutes or so, Sunghoon managed to serve a delicious-smelling meal that Jake wolfed down in a few minutes. 

That, and a couple of other things, made Sunghoon question his existence—what was the point of cooking if all of that was gone so fast?—but it also gave him enough satisfaction to know that Jake had something normal to eat instead of living off instant ramen mostly. 

When they were done eating, they moved onto Jake’s couch in the living room. Usually, they would watch a movie but Jake wasn’t supposed to strain his eyes too much, so they sat and talked as steam rose from their tea mugs. 

Sunghoon summarised what happened over the weekend; which wasn’t much. Jake was nodding, caressing the head of an ugly virus plushie that Jungwon got for him when he visited him on Friday evening. As Jungwon claimed, he was sure it was an atom. 

It didn’t look like an atom at all. It had spikes, eyes, and everything. Jake loved it nonetheless.

Jake was doing… well. The wound on his temple was healing right and he moved a lot more confidently than he did on Friday, which was a good sign, considering that not even four days had passed from the incident, and he had taken a strong hit. 

Despite that, Sunghoon thought Jake’s skin was paler than before, just like the circles under his eyes seemed darker, as if he wasn’t getting enough sleep. At least he was eating fine, even though it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to eat. 

Jake couldn’t move his arm well. It wasn’t broken or even fractured, but it was badly bruised from where Noir had grasped him. So were his wrists—though that one was on Jay—but they didn’t hurt as much, according to Jake.

Jake was propping his chin on his hand, nibbling on his bottom lip. He hadn’t washed his hair so it lay flat on his head. His eyes were distant as he stared ahead at something that Sunghoon couldn’t see. He stopped caressing the virus plushie, his hand still on its head. Body. Something.

Sunghoon considered waking Jake up with a touch on his shoulder but he decided against it and took a sip from his mug.

“Hey,” he called softly. “Jake.”

Jake blinked, gazing at Sunghoon, bringing his attention to him. Sunghoon could see the way the look in his eyes changed, dullness fading away.

“What’s gotten you so lost?” Asking that question, Sunghoon felt like his mother. He placed the mug on the coffee table and leaned back against the back of the couch and outstretched his arm to smooth down a few strands of Jake’s hair. It did bother him a bit. 

Jake raised his hand as if he wanted to scratch his face but then he remembered he wasn’t supposed to, if he didn’t want it to scar.

“Yeah. You know.” Jake sent Sunghoon a long look, placing his hand back on the plushie. “I wasn’t prepared for that and I keep thinking about it.”

Sunghoon knew what he was talking about but he still made a questioning sound in the back of his throat, asking Jake to continue.

“I guess…” Jake’s words were slow, deliberate, and he was staring ahead again. “I guess I didn’t realise that there existed vampires so powerful.” Ah, there they were. Talking. “At that moment I doubted there existed a hunter able to take down such a power.” Sunghoon ignored a shiver that crawled up his spine. “If even this… Jay’s brother wasn’t able to. And he himself was so…” Jake’s voice trailed off as he raised and lowered his hand again. “Strong.”

“I know.” Sunghoon had been frozen to the spot back then, knowing he was witnessing something he shouldn’t have.

They didn’t belong to his world.

“You know, it…” Jake’s voice trailed off. He did look a bit sick. “It made me doubt. The fact that there’s… such a gap between us and vampires. There usually is but not as big. If a vampire like him wanted to take over the world, what would stop him? How would we stop him?” Jake nibbled on his bottom lip again and Sunghoon’s imagination filled in the pause.

“You’d drop a nuke,” he guessed.

Jake eyed him grimly.

“You’re not that far from the truth. And Ni-ki,” Jake carried on, gesturing with his hand at something. “He’s so young and yet he’s already inherited that kind of strength. He’s taken down Morgor’s pack, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And he still wasn’t able to defeat that vampire.” Jake hummed, his mouth pressed in a line. “That’s… terrifying.”

Sunghoon nodded wordlessly. If it had made him feel small and unimportant—because what value did he hold when confronted with such overwhelming power?—then it must have made Jake feel even worse.

Because he was the one who was supposed to fight these vampires. Vampires like Noir. Someone evil. Someone who didn’t care about anything or anyone and used everything and everyone for his own gain, causing chaos and pain in the process.

“I’ve met vampires just as old,” Jake continued, glancing at Sunghoon. “I fought them. But I haven’t fought anything like that. I have never been met with that sort of a vampire.”

This fact sure as hell didn’t stop Jake from trying to annihilate Noir a few times.

For a few seconds, Sunghoon fought against voicing his thoughts, but he couldn’t shove them deep inside his throat enough.

“You charged at that sort of a vampire with a knife,” he said flatly though his heart trembled. “You could have died, Jake, did you even think about it?”

Jake blinked, as if that thought didn’t bother him at all. “I didn’t think about it.”

Sunghoon thought he’d topple over.

“Are you serious—”

“You’re the one talking. ‘It’s my fault,’” Jake huffed, his eyes narrowing. “How was that your fault, Sunghoon?”

“I asked Soobin to kill Noir,” Sunghoon answered dryly and Jake closed his mouth, staring at him. “So because of me all of that shit happened. Because he thought Heeseung sent him after him. And in case you didn’t notice, Noir didn’t think once of killing me.”

Because he was already under his protection, but still.

“I mean.” Jake scratched his throat carefully. His eyes were tired. “That vampire seemed psychotic enough. Besides, he would have found a reason sooner or later to gain more control over Heeseung. At least, he isn’t lying to Ni-ki anymore.”

Naturally.

“Everyone says that.” Sunghoon pinched the skin on the back of his hand between his fingers. 

“Everyone?”

“Jay.”

Jake blinked, a shadow of worry reflecting in his eyes. “What? He said that?”

“Yeah.” Sunghoon observed the reflection of the living room in the window. “And from other things he said, I don’t think he’ll ever forgive him. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge him.”

“That’s…” Jake paused, probably looking for the right words to say. “That’s fair. He knows him the best. If he says Heeseung isn’t who he thought he was…”

Sunghoon shrugged when Jake’s voice faded away. “I don’t believe it.” 

“No?”

“No.” Sunghoon should have listened to Jay, he should have let it go, but he couldn’t stop himself from opening up to Jake. “I don’t believe he would have done something like that for selfish reasons.”

“The money,” Jake said and Sunghoon nodded. “Though, they’re rich so the money has to come from somewhere.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t take it.” That would make sense if he had. “Heeseung did what Ni-ki’s mother asked him. How can we know she ever came back for Ni-ki? Maybe she left him and that part where Heeseung refused to help her, Noir made up.”

Jake asked what everyone would ask, what Sunghoon would ask himself when he was trying to figure that out:

“So why didn’t he deny it?” Jake’s voice was quiet and Sunghoon shook his head.

“I don’t know. But Heeseung wouldn’t love Riki like that if he was only business to him.” 

“Maybe he wanted to have a child.” Jake’s logic made Sunghoon rub his face. “If he was lonely.”

“Yeah, but… It’s just not right. He wouldn’t ask Noir for help if Ni-ki’s father was just a vampire. Heeseung isn’t stupid.” Sunghoon nibbled on his bottom lip, thinking. “His dad must be a bad man. Someone Heeseung didn’t want around Ni-ki. Otherwise, why would Ni-ki’s mom have hidden him in the first place?”

Sunghoon didn’t buy the “divorced mother steals a child from an unexpecting father” story.

“If he loved him so much why didn’t he tell him the truth?” Jake asked tiredly and Sunghoon held his breath for a few seconds because why? He wished he knew. “He could have let him decide what he wanted to do himself.”

Sunghoon opened and closed his mouth. On one hand, yes. On the other, Ni-ki was impulsive, always had been, always choosing the most dramatic way forward. What if Heeseung thought he was doing the right thing? What if Ni-ki’s father really wasn’t someone who should have children? If Heeseung had told Ni-ki the truth, Ni-ki wouldn’t have waited; he would have gone to find him.

Though, not necessarily. In different circumstances, the story could have taken another path, but that was something Sunghoon was never going to know.

Sunghoon could be wrong about Heeseung. Jay was right, he didn’t know Heeseung as well as Jay did. He didn’t live with him, didn’t have many heart-to-heart conversations with him. Heeseung was more of Jay’s brother to Sunghoon than he was his friend, just like Sunghoon was more of Heeseung’s brother’s friend than he was Heeseung’s friend, but it didn’t mean that Sunghoon didn’t care about him and didn’t think of him as a friend at all.

Heeseung had always been kind to him, a long time before Jay was. 

But then, Sunghoon wasn’t good with people. He misjudged Ni-ki, he let Hajoon make a fool of him, he didn’t notice that Jake was a hunter, and he liked a vampire who had wanted to take revenge on him because of his old love. What could he know? 

“Was that true?” Jake’s voice snapped Sunghoon out of his thoughts. “What he was saying about his mother?”

“Whose mother?”

“Heeseung’s.”

Judging by Heeseung’s reaction, it was true. Sunghoon had never learned the whole story. 

“I think so.” Sunghoon changed his position on the couch and scratched the back of his head. “I only know that he was imprisoned by hunters. He went back to give them his blood. I didn’t know they caught him because of his mom.”

“What a bitch,” Jake mumbled, resting his elbow on the pillow and Sunghoon blinked.

“I thought you hated him.” It was unfair to say that. Even if Jake hated Heeseung, it didn’t mean he wished him wrong.

“Hate is a harsh word.” Jake shook his head, running his hand through his blond hair. “It’s not that I hate him. I don’t think I’ve ever hated him. I don’t like him because he’s a vampire. But I don’t think he’s a bad person.”

“You don’t?” Sunghoon prodded gently. 

“No, it’s just…” Jake traced his fingers along his jaw absentmindedly. “It’s hard to believe he could be that selfish. I didn’t decide to protect Heeseung and his family without a reason, you know. If I got it wrong, though, I’m kind of making an idiot of myself.”

Sunghoon hummed, not keen on telling him that Ni-ki had a rather high body count. Though, after what Jake had seen, Jake probably knew that Ni-ki wasn’t a saint.

“How’s he?” Jake tilted his head to the side, his hair falling onto his forehead. “Jay’s brother. He still hasn’t left, right? Is he going to?”

“We’re… not sure.” Sunghoon wished he was. “I hope not but… But it’s hard to tell.”

“I could… I would also think that Noir maybe… wanted Ni-ki to work for him so he twisted his words until he made a perfect lie.” Jake smoothed a wrinkle on his pants. He angled his head a little and Sunghoon could see the bruise on the side of his face better. “I don’t know.”

“Well. At least Soobin’s dead,” Sunghoon murmured, considering whether or not the virus sitting under Jake’s arm deserved to be punched in its ridiculous face. 

Jake didn’t smile—not that a dead vampire was a reason to smile about. Sunghoon supposed it could be but maybe not in that context.

“My agency didn’t do a good job at that,” Jake admitted softly and Sunghoon cleared his throat. In his opinion, his agency didn’t do a good job at anything. “We’re usually less clumsy.” It was one way to put it; Jake could have lost his life because of that mistake. “We cannot afford to be but we didn’t know about Chois, just like we didn’t know about Morgor. Not before you told me.”

“To be fair,” Sunghoon offered reluctantly, “Soobin was hiding his club from humans. In plain sight, so I’m not sure how it managed to work out for so long, but it did, considering you all didn’t know.”

“You went in.”

“Yes, because I had help from a vampire.” Sunghoon tapped his fingers against his knee. “I heard something about hunters being back in town, when I was in there. Funny, how back then I didn’t know what hunters were.”

“I’m still not sure if it was better for you to not know.” Jake reached for his mug. He put it on his lap, curling his hand around it. “I thought I knew but now… Maybe I should have told you earlier. You would have kept that to yourself.”

“It doesn’t matter now. I know.”

“I don’t want anyone to know that you know,” Jake said, staring at the mug. “Not only because of my dad. They all would go livid if they knew that I exposed us because I wanted my friend’s support.”

“Don’t worry.” Sunghoon cleared his throat. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes. Sure.” Sunghoon took a sip from the mug.

He’d already told Max, but. The guy was keeping it to himself, it seemed.

Jake hummed, his eyes roaming over Sunghoon’s face. He then looked down, rearranging the blanket covering his lap. 

Sunghoon was silent, waiting for him to speak. Jake was hesitating, mulling over something in his head, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than they were an hour ago. 

“You know,” Jake said after what could be a couple of minutes and Sunghoon nodded, and Jake continued, “I always thought that I’m where I belong.” Jake’s eyes were distant, just like before. Sunghoon nodded in response to his words. “But we’re not good. How can killing be good?”

It couldn’t. 

“You protect people,” Sunghoon tried. By the barely-there twitch of Jake’s mouth, he knew Jake was going to deny everything Sunghoon would say but he went on. “You protect those who cannot protect themselves.”

Jake lowered his hand, his lashes fluttering. 

“Hunters are supposed to protect people, yes. Protect those who can’t fight, as you said. But Heeseung used to be human.” Jake played with the spike of the stupid plushie. His eyebrows were furrowed, the corners of his mouth curling down. “He’s never killed anyone—no matter what he tried to tell me. ”

Sunghoon had thought it was only a matter of time before Jake realised Heeseung didn’t push any hunters off the cliff.

“That evening, he…” Jake was speaking slowly. “He couldn’t protect himself. And I couldn’t help him. The worst thing is, even if I had been, I wouldn’t have been allowed to.” Jake raised his eyes at Sunghoon. “Because I can’t. I can’t stand between a vampire and a vampire.”

“To take sides?” Sunghoon asked softly and Jake shook his head.

“It’s not even about that. You wait for one to kill the other and then, you take down the winner.”

“If they don’t team up against you.”

“You’d be surprised by how many vampires jump to each other’s throats.” Jake rubbed his forehead and winced when he brushed against one of the cuts. “Especially over prey.”

Sunghoon felt nauseous. 

“We can’t change that vampires are our enemies,” Jake continued. “There are born vampires, those who were never human, like Jay and Ni-ki and… and this Noir.” Jake let out a sigh, the frown on his face deepening. “But most of them used to be human. They used to be like you and me. So why do they matter less than us when they used to be just the same?” Jake looked at Sunghoon again, his gaze almost pained. “It doesn’t feel… it’s not right. Because we could do so many things if we reached out to good vampires. And we could protect those good vampires from bad ones. And maybe, they could protect us in exchange.”

Sunghoon could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest.

“Why can’t you?”

Jake looked at him, really looked at him. He took a deep breath, opened his mouth and, and Sunghoon wished he was ready for the answer he gave him.

“Vampires are vampires,” Jake said casually. Something sank in Sunghoon’s stomach. “Even the good ones turn out to be exactly the way they taught you.”

Sunghoon breathed out, disappointment clawing at his insides. He kept his face neutral, not sure why he was even feeling like that in the first place, but Jake wasn’t looking at him anyway.

Sunghoon wasn’t sure if he was looking at anything at all.

“Which makes me think.” Jake stroked his hand over the virus’ head. “How much of a human really stays in a vampire after they turn?”

“I thought they taught you that,” Sunghoon said softly and Jake hummed.

“Yes, they did.” Jake grimaced, his hand stilling. “But how am I supposed to know for real?”

Sunghoon and Jake looked at each other in silence. There was still a faraway look in Jake’s eyes.

Would Jake be a hunter if he had a chance to make his own choices? Jake would say yes, most likely, and Sunghoon wouldn’t believe his words.

He could know Jake less than he always believed. He didn’t notice that he was a hunter. He must have missed a lot of things while he prided himself on knowing him so well.

When later in the evening Sunghoon left Jake’s flat, he walked out straight into the fog. It was hugging the world calmly but its moist touch on Sunghoon’s face failed to quiet this choking feeling in his chest, this something that didn’t quite let him take a deep breath.

As he held onto his bag, walking to the nearest bus stop, he was almost dizzy. It was so serene, not a soul in sight but his, but his mind was restless. He couldn’t stop thinking.

It wasn’t the first time he saw Jake hurt but it was the first time when he failed to make him feel better.

* 

Sunghoon’s body was hot when he woke up. The warm orange light was too bright and the buzzing sound coming from God-knew-where made him unsure of what was wrong—if something was wrong in the first place.

Disoriented, he squinted at the small lamp standing on the bedside table as he tried to comprehend why it was making such a strange sound. Why the fuck was it calling him in the middle of the night? What did he do?

He needed a couple of more seconds to realise that it was his phone that had been vibrating on the nightstand, not his lamp. Sunghoon reached for the phone, his throat aching and his mind still clouded with sleep. 

It was 4:23. Nice.

Only a moment later, Sunghoon’s eyes focused on Jay’s name written across the screen and he sobered up a bit.

He answered the call hurriedly, propping himself up on the mattress with his elbow, the phone almost slipping from his hand.

“Jay.” His voice left much to be desired. His throat hurt as he pushed the duvet off himself. 

His hair was sticking to his forehead. For some reason, his heart was racing in his chest and his body was a bit shaky, as if he had been dreaming something he didn’t want to.

“Sunghoon.” Jay breathed out. 

“Jay?” Sunghoon repeated and rubbed his eyes.  

He listened to the wind wrapping itself around Jay’s voice. Was Jay outside? Why was Jay outside?

Just as his brain managed to string together more than Jay’s name, Jay spoke up again:

“He’s gone.” His voice was a murmur, barely audible over the noise of the wind. 

“What?” Sunghoon was still trying to comprehend what was happening before he understood. 

“Ni-ki.” Jay let out a sigh. Then, he cleared his throat. “He’s gone.”

Sunghoon stared into the wall opposite to him, Jay’s soft voice echoing in his mind.

“Are you sure?” Sunghoon asked, sitting on the bed. 

“Yeah.” Jay was silent for a couple of seconds. “I’m sure.”

“Listen, Ni-ki…” Sunghoon slid off the bed, brushing his hair away from his eyes. Ni-ki couldn’t have left. “He tends to disappear just like that, right? He goes off to kill someone or… or do some blood ritual, or get himself into trouble and such. Then he comes back or you drag him back.”

It was normal. It was a habit of his.

“Not this time.” Jay sounded calm. “I feel it. He’s made up his mind.”

Ni-ki couldn’t… He couldn’t just go. It wasn’t right.

“I’ll be there in an hour,” Sunghoon muttered, marching straight to his closet. 

“No, Hoon. Stay.” Sunghoon stilled, holding onto the doorknob of his closet. “It’ll make me feel better to know you’re not wandering around alone.”

“I’ve never been killed even once—”

“I don’t know if Riki is alone or not,” Jay interrupted him softly. “Maybe he’s already out of town, but maybe someone’s following him. I don’t want any vampire to catch my smell and go after you.”

Sunghoon lowered his hand, waiting for Jay to say something more, but he didn’t. Who would go after Sunghoon? What for? Had something else happened that Jay wasn’t telling him?

“You’re being paranoid.” Sunghoon frowned, adding after a few seconds: “And I don’t smell like you.”

“I don’t trust Heeseung and I don’t trust Noir,” Jay answered sternly. “But I trust you. So stay where you are and we’ll stay in touch. Okay?”

Sunghoon winced, readjusting the grip around the phone.

“I’m… worried about you.” Sunghoon’s voice trailed off but he couldn’t help himself to say it. “If there’s something I can do…”

“I just said. Stay. I’ll call you in an hour.” Jay paused for a few moments. “I’m fine, Sunghoon.” Sunghoon closed his mouth upon hearing that. “Ni-ki should have left ages ago. After all he’d gone through, he deserves to do what he wants.”

Sunghoon gripped his phone tighter and sat on the floor. 

He couldn’t remember the last time Ni-ki did something he didn’t want. 

“It’s not easy,” Sunghoon muttered.

“I guess it’s not,” Jay agreed. His voice was still quiet. “But I can’t blame him for wanting to know who he is. If I couldn’t make him realise that, someone else must.”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything at that, listening to Jay’s breathing. There was no point in stating something they were both aware of.

Ni-ki deserved to know who he was but he didn’t deserve to do that on his own, away from his family.

If he still considered Jay his family. Sunoo was his friend. 

Heeseung was dead to him.

***

The atmosphere after Ni-ki had left was thicker in a different way than it was after Heeseung had done so.

Left. Heeseung wouldn’t have left if Noir had given him a choice. Though, as Jay hadn’t failed to mention, Heeseung was simply facing the consequences of his own actions, so he didn’t need to be pitied by anyone. 

Ni-ki, on the other hand, was a victim of his own brother. He should reunite with his father while he was still alive, and discover his true power because apparently, what he had so far wasn’t enough for him. 

Right, after all, he’d lost. He had been given a chance to become better in a place where there were vampires like him, just as he’d always wanted.

It was fair that he put himself first. Sunghoon couldn’t deny that Ni-ki had always helped his family, sometimes in his own twisted way, but he did. It was only right if he followed his own needs or—Sunghoon dared to think—dreams. Especially since he’d always felt that Heeseung neglected him.

That was yet another thing that had escaped his attention. For as long as Sunghoon had known Ni-ki, he’d thought his relationship with Heeseung was good. Jay had never mentioned it wasn’t, he only tended to say that Heeseung was too permissive, letting Ni-ki explore things Jay wouldn’t let him explore (which was a good thing for Ni-ki). Ni-ki used to be fiercely protective of Heeseung, especially when Sunghoon was in the picture, always pointing out that he knew him, not Sunghoon.

Sunghoon did get a lot of things wrong. It didn’t make sense to dwell on them too much but it was easier said than done.

By Friday, the day Jake was allowed to go back to the university and the third day since Ni-ki had left, Sunghoon managed to keep Heeseung’s name out of his mouth—except for when he was talking with Jungwon, but Jungwon mentioned him rarely. Sunghoon was allowed to ask about Ni-ki but neither Jay nor Sunoo had any news about him and both of them seemed equally as disappointed about that. 

Besides that, strangely, Jay seemed to bear it well. It probably helped that he wasn’t living alone but with Sunoo. Sunghoon couldn’t imagine going back to an empty house.

Nonetheless, for four days, Sunghoon had been cruising between Jake’s flat, the university, and Jay’s house, coming back to his and Jungwon’s place to stay for the night. Sometimes, he’d stay at Jake’s place, sometimes both he and Jungwon would crash at Jake’s flat, and other times, if Sunoo was sleeping over at Jungwon’s place, Sunghoon would stay with Jay for the night. 

They talked about Ni-ki a lot, mostly listing down the reasons why he was doing alright, even if it was his first time leaving the town alone. Ni-ki was charismatic, surgent, lethally dangerous, and hunted better than most. Besides, if he wouldn’t be doing good, he’d go back. And besides, sooner or later, he was going to reach out to Jay or Sunoo.

Sunghoon wanted to believe the last one as he repeated it to Jay like an asshole while Jay looked at him doubtfully. 

There was no reason for Ni-ki not reaching out to them, though. Maybe he hated Heeseung but he didn’t hold any grudge against Jay or Sunoo. 

A positive side of Ni-ki’s leaving was (Jay pointed that out because Sunghoon wouldn’t dare to do so) that Ni-ki wasn’t going to hurt Sunghoon again in any way. If there was something Jay had against Ni-ki, it was how Ni-ki constantly put Sunghoon in danger. 

So that was something positive.

Now that Jake was, more or less, back in shape, attending the university and taking care of hunters’ protocols, Sunghoon’s routine changed again. 

He was spending more time at Jay’s house than he did before. They didn’t just hang out together, laying in bed, watching movies, cleaning the leaves in the garden or talking about sweet nothings. Sunghoon was helping Jay with some small tasks at the house, like choosing the right cleaning detergent for their expensive floors. Not that Sunghoon was knowledgeable about wood. The only wood he knew was a morning wood.

Also, he was watching in silence how Jay got rid of Heeseung’s stuff, one by one, throwing everything into the trash whether it were Heeseung’s shirt or books. Books. Apparently, it didn’t matter that among Heeseung’s books were also some rather rare editions

It wasn’t that Sunghoon wanted to keep any of these things. He didn’t like the waste. It was barbaric and he didn’t wait to tell that to Jay.

Jay reasoned that if Heeseung had wanted any of these things, he wouldn’t have left them behind. And he wasn’t going to sell any of his stuff because what was sold could be bought.

There was no point mentioning that Heeseung only had time to grab a couple of his things. It seemed that only tears would move Jay but Sunghoon wasn’t going to cry, for heavens’ sake. Not over things he wouldn’t know existed if he hadn’t been so nosy.

Sunghoon could, however, roleplay a raccoon and fish out some of Heeseung’s things from the trash when Jay wasn’t looking. Which he did.

He couldn’t save everything and he shouldn’t stick his nose where it wasn’t wanted but Heeseung’s books were worth Jay’s hypothetical anger towards him. That was if he caught him stealing. Or blindly packing Heeseung’s books in paper and bubble wrap somewhere in the middle of the dark garden. Hopefully, both Jay and Sunoo thought he was a squirrel.

Sunghoon asked Jake if he could pick him up from Jay one day and Jake agreed. His friend was a bit surprised to see Sunghoon lugging around a huge sack on his back—one that would have made Santa Claus or a very desperate thief jealous. In the case of the first guy, Sunghoon should probably be calling Rudolf. Maybe he’d work for him.

Jake didn’t ask for the explanation but Sunghoon gave him it anyway.

It was simply unfair. Heeseung wasn’t dead and throwing away his things wasn’t right. They had so many rooms in the house, they didn’t have to remake Heeseung’s. It wasn’t that he was gone forever. Just like Ni-ki, he would come around eventually. How would he feel knowing that Jay threw away his precious books? Or all of his turtlenecks? Or his elegant jackets and dark blue ties? 

Heeseung wasn’t going through marrying a psycho vampire just to kill Jay later because Jay made it a point of honour to get rid of all Heeseung’s belongings.

It’s not your place, Sunghoon. Where are you going to keep all of that, Sunghoon? Heeseung isn’t coming back. He isn’t going to know about it anyway. Listen to Jay and stop interfering in the dispute between him and his brother, Sunghoon. 

Yeah. Jake was right. 

But he accepted a couple of Heeseung’s things that Sunghoon gave him. 

Anyway, if Jay noticed Sunghoon doing any of the stealing, he didn’t say anything at that but he also stopped throwing out Heeseung’s things.

Not because he ran out of the items to throw out of the window, but probably because he used up the first wave of anger—which, after a week, Jay could finally let run free now that he was sure Ni-ki wasn’t going to show up at the doorstep at any moment.

These particular days weren’t the most ideal for Sunghoon. The rest of them were better.

Though the thought that there was no one in the house besides Sunghoon and Jay, and that no one besides Sunoo would come back, was a strange one. 

It was empty.

But, as the days passed and midterms drew closer, mornings grew darker, and days shorter. Dry leaves whirled in gusts of wind and fell behind windshield wipers. The house creaked, murmuring soothingly as the rain drummed against its windows, and fell silent when it stood unchanged in the garden, bathed in timid rays of sunlight. 

Its door stood out against its dark face-like lips painted blue. The scent of fresh paint and glue finally faded. 

The emptiness began to soften.

***

Sunghoon, in fact, had been paying attention to their movie so Jay’s voice next to his ear made him flinch rather hard, his shoulders hunching up to protect his neck just in case someone wanted to choke him.

“We should go for a walk.”

Sunghoon turned his face, bumping his nose against Jay’s, which made it impossible to gaze at him without looking like an idiot. 

The perspective was a tough one. For Sunghoon because it did nothing to contort Jay’s godlike face.

“We’re watching a movie,” Sunghoon muttered, putting some distance between their faces and propping his elbow on the back of the couch. 

The couch had been cleaned and repaired. Sunoo talked Jay out of throwing the couch out and replacing it with a new one, which Sunghoon was secretly grateful for. He had a sentiment for inanimate things.

“It’s not interesting.” Jay’s answer came immediately, almost sly, and Sunghoon blinked, his cheeks dusting pink.

Well, he’d like that. He was probably as red as a tomato, judging by how warm his face was.

“You’ve picked it,” Sunghoon hissed, dabbing his finger into the dip of Jay’s throat, enjoying the pained frown on Jay’s face when he did so. 

Lately, Sunghoon found out that even though poking didn’t hurt Jay in that exact place, it gave him some discomfort if Sunghoon put enough strength into that.

Jay caught his wrist, ignoring Sunghoon’s remark. His hair was falling neatly over his forehead. Just like it had yesterday. And the day before. 

“So?” Jay seemed strangely… excited.

“So?” Sunghoon flexed his fingers but Jay’s grip was like iron around his wrist. He ignored the twist in his belly when Jay’s mouth brushed the back of his fingers in a tender kiss as if he wasn’t the one who was cutting off his damn circulation. “We’ve been watching it for over an hour.”

“Well, I have something else in mind.”

“A walk,” Sunghoon said flatly and Jay raised his eyebrows conformingly. Not even sex. A walk. “It’s dark outside if you didn’t notice. I will trip over a rock and die.”

“At worst, you’ll be paralyzed. Dying isn’t that easy.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” 

“So, your concerns aside…” Jay flicked Sunghoon’s chin, his eyes glittering playfully. “I think we should go outside.”

“I think you should start a music career,” Sunghoon murmured, his eyes darting to the screen of the TV. “Be a rapper. You’re already a yapper. Heh.”

Jay looked at him disapprovingly.

“C’mon.” Jay rose from the couch, hauling Sunghoon up by his arm, ignoring his yelp. “Put on your jacket and let’s go.”

Sunghoon enjoyed walks, he did, but usually not at night when he had spent the last two hours on the couch next to his warm and hot vampire, covered with a blanket. He wasn’t a damn dog. 

Weren’t they supposed to go to sleep soon anyway? Tomorrow was Monday. Why did they have to go for a walk at this hour?

Sunghoon let out a heavy sigh, already walking towards the corridor, pulling down his grey jumper that had rolled up a bit when he was sitting. He turned on the light in the corridor, his eyes automatically scanning the wall, looking for photos that weren’t hanging on it anymore.

He reached for the jacket begrudgingly and slid his arms into the sleeves. Just as he was finishing zipping up, Jay joined him at the door, his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans.

Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed. He grasped Jay by the collar of his nice expensive shirt and he yanked him towards himself. Jay let him, amusement on his face.

“What are you up to, you little schemer?” Sunghoon asked under his breath, bringing their faces very close. 

“Nothing.” Jay’s eyes were too innocent.

Sunghoon studied his face for a few seconds. Of course. Jay wasn’t planning anything hence the trembling of his mouth as he tried not to let it form into a grin.

“Hm.” Sunghoon let him go and smoothed out the wrinkles on his shirt deliberately. He patted Jay’s chest a bit too hard. “If you say so, then I shall believe you.”

“Hm.” Jay leaned down a little to place a gentle kiss on the side of Sunghoon’s nose. Sunghoon trembled, feeling heat spread over his cheeks. “You shall.”

“Let’s get this shit over with.” Sunghoon considered pulling Jay into a kiss but he decided against it. If Jay could pull him out of a warm house, then Sunghoon could deprive him of his kisses. 

“That’s a bit harsh,” Jay said, sounding a bit offended.

Sunghoon managed to fling the door open on the second try. He hadn’t realised he had to unlock it. Now that Ni-ki wasn’t there, the door actually was locked when it was supposed to.

Sunghoon squinted at the darkness when cold attacked his face with its little sharp teeth. 

“A bit harsh is dragging me outside in this weather.” Sunghoon shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and walked out. 

He was careful as he moved down the stairs, illuminated by the outdoor light. They were slippery but Sunghoon wasn’t sure if it was because of the moisture in the air or low temperature. 

The memory of shattered wood, brains and bones flashed through his mind. It was gone in a blink of an eye. 

Sunghoon didn’t react when Jay materialised at the bottom of the stairs, folding his arms on his chest. Sunghoon felt cold by only shooting a glance at him. As usual, Jay was dressed only in his thin shirt, as if to mock Sunghoon that while Sunghoon was going to freeze off his face, the only damage Jay would take would be to his hair.

Even though Sunghoon doubted that the moist air would do anything to Jay’s hair. He still hoped for that.

“Let’s go.” Jay outstretched his hand towards him as if he were afraid Sunghoon would slip on the last step and hammer his head into the cold ground. To soothe that thought, Sunghoon grasped Jay’s hand as he made it down.

Successfully. They were already holding hands.

Holding hands was more useful than it was anything else. Since they were going for a walk in a rather dark garden and Sunghoon was going to see shit for a little while now, he had to rely on something, unless he wanted to walk into one of the many trees or Jay’s roses. 

Yeah, no. Sunghoon liked to hold Jay’s hand and that was it.

They walked away from the house slowly, leaving the light behind. Sunghoon squeezed Jay’s hand, fixating his eyes on the ground, trying to peer through the darkness.

“It just doesn’t make sense to me.” Sunghoon’s voice cut through the silence that surrounded them like fog. 

“What doesn’t?” Sunghoon let himself be directed towards—he assumed—the driveway leading straight to the gate.

It was easier to follow it than one of the small paths crossing Jay’s garden, because it was more levelled.

“A walk like that.” Sunghoon waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. 

“Better get used to that. It’s getting dark pretty fast these days.”

No shit.

“We could always go for a walk in the… you know.” Sunghoon’s heart jumped to his throat when he lost his balance for a second. Jay stabilised him with a hand on his shoulder. “In the morning.”

“Or you could start wearing an eyepatch like a pirate,” Jay suggested. “So you could adjust to the darkness faster.”

“At this point maybe it would be better to buy night vision goggles.”

“We both know you’d get scared every time they detected any heat signatures.”

“Good that vampires aren’t very warm, then.”

“You could get goggles that would detect low temperatures.”

“Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Sunghoon listened to the soft sounds of their steps. “We’re going vampire hunting?”

“Not really.”

Right. They were definitely going to hunt something—or someone—down. It was something that Sunghoon would expect from Ni-ki rather than Jay but then, since Ni-ki had left, Jay adapted some of his behaviours.

Nothing too concerning, he wasn’t choking Sunghoon non-consensually or anything like that,  he just went to the forest more often than usual. He wasn’t doing that frequently but even one visit every two days was already a lot for Jay’s standard, who’d never been on tree duty like a certain person, and wasn’t chasing ghosts of his past like Ni-ki used to.

Sunghoon suspected that Jay was trying to see something Ni-ki saw there. Sunghoon thought Jay felt guilty over not paying as much attention to what Ni-ki had been up to as he should have, in his opinion, but Jay never admitted that. Or hadn’t admitted that yet.

It was quiet outside. It hadn’t rained in the last few days, so the ground under his boots was firm, and the leaves were dry. Somewhere in the distance, Sunghoon heard the soft hoot of an owl. He already missed the sounds of hedgehogs rustling through the bushes or bats chasing after insects while letting out quiet chirps. 

When it came to bats, Sunghoon supposed he could always ask Jay to turn into a swarm of them, but Jay was a bit out of practice, and Sunghoon wasn’t particularly keen on watching him crash into the house wall again. He’d already used the wish of seeing bats dropping dead from his bucket list. Awful.

He still couldn’t see well but he was in the open air.  There wasn’t anything closing around him. He just didn’t understand why he started noticing the darkness this way now. 

A shiver travelled up Sunghoon’s spine. He breathed in, opening his mouth, letting the cold air down his throat. 

Good. It was alright. It obviously was. He was outside.

“Your heart is beating a little fast.” Jay’s voice was soft.

“Yeah?” Sunghoon drew in a long breath, shooting Jay a look. He wasn’t able to see his face well yet but he could see his eyes, gleaming in the light of the moon. “I’m scared you’ll murder me here.”

“We both know that would be impractical.” Jay squeezed his hand lightly. “But it would be a nice night to die. If you have looked up at least one time, you’d know.”

“Please, tell me everything you know about stars.” Sunghoon couldn’t stop himself from teasing him. “It’s very romantic when you do that.”

“Oh, shut up.” Jay’s grip tightened and Sunghoon hissed in pain. “At least I was trying.” 

“I’m not denying it wasn’t cute…”

“I’m not—”

Sunghoon muffled the rest of Jay’s words with a kiss. It was the only damn thing that made him stop talking sometimes. When they fell apart, Sunghoon looked over Jay’s head, and he had to agree that the sky was clear today.

The garden stretched around them, its edges lost in the darkness, coloured a little by the pale touch of moonlight. Stars glittered above as Sunghoon’s eyes adjusted to the dimness, his focus shifting between the sky and the deep shadows below it.

The moon being in its waning crescent definitely helped with the star observation. It was barely there.

Jay dragged Sunghoon away from the driveway, leading him straight into the bushes. Or rather, perfectly in between them, though they still rustled when Sunghoon’s jacket brushed against them.

“I was just starting to see things,” Sunghoon complained because now that they were between the trees, the branches, even though they were mostly leafless, made the lighting and shadows change again, and he had to peer into the darkness harder. 

“Sorry.” Jay didn’t sound sorry at all. “But I’m going to show you something that will either freak you out or make you fall in love with me.”

Sunghoon’s heart skipped a beat. What a bitch. “Very funny.”

“Thanks.”

Sunghoon yelped when a twig scratched against his face.

“Stop dragging me through bushes,” Sunghoon snapped at Jay, trying to pull his hand free from his grip.

Jay shushed him and Sunghoon let out a groan. It was supposed to be a walk, not torture. “We’re here.”

Sunghoon stared ahead, trying to figure out in which part of Jay’s garden they were when a soft click sounded, and unexpectedly, a narrow beam of white light struck his eyes.

Sunghoon raised his hand to his eyes automatically, swallowing down a curse. Was that a flashlight in Jay’s hand?

Sunghoon lowered his arm, staring at Jay, who muttered “sorry” and pointed the light somewhere else.

“Seriously? Did you have a flashlight all that time?”

“Listen.” Jay’s hand came on Sunghoon’s shoulder. He spun him around like a damn ballerina and Sunghoon almost fell on his face again. “It’s easier to control you when you can’t see.”

“That’s disturbing.” Sunghoon followed the beam of light. “So what am I…”

He wanted to say “what am I looking for?” but the words died in his throat. Jay squeezed his shoulder gently. Sunghoon stared ahead, his mind trying to piece together what he was seeing and if it was even possible that it was what he thought he was seeing.

It wasn’t possible, not really. It couldn’t be because it had been years since the last time he had it in his hands. He didn’t want to have it, that was why he got rid of it in the first place, and though he did regret it later, it didn’t explain why it was here.

Because it was the one, there was no mistaking. The scratches from the constant moving were there, all of them; obviously, they could have been done by another owner but Sunghoon remembered trying to get rid of them and banging his head against the wall for being so careless until Jake slapped him and told him that the scratches were normal when you used something. Well, Sunghoon didn’t have to look out for the scratches at all—even though he did that because he just wanted to see them again—when there were other marks, as plain as day and done on purpose.

First of all, a tiny star at both the base and the tripod that was made by Jake with his father’s tools. Secondly, Sunghoon’s initials were in the same places, that was, on the tube and the tripod. He was surprised that both things were still there. The only mark that wasn’t there was the blue tape he’d curled around one of the legs.

However, he didn’t expect it to be there. To be fair, he didn’t expect this to be here. His damn Sky-Watcher Esprit 100 ED.

Sunghoon circled the telescope a few times, hearing his heartbeat in his ears. What the hell. What the hell?

Sunghoon opened and closed his mouth, a small sound creaking out of his throat. He sounded like a dying car.

Jay looked at him expectantly, his eyes bright as he held the flashlight steadily, illuminating Sunghoon’s telescope, the way a child would hold the light for their dad. 

The damn telescope he’d sold years ago and he didn’t even remember to whom he’d sold it! When… W… What?

“Why?” Sunghoon stammered out finally, staring at the telescope, expecting it to get legs and run the fuck away like some sort of a mutated centaur.

It wasn’t the right question. He probably should have asked things like “where the hell did you get that from?” or “how did you remember?” or “how did you find it?” to be more specific but… Why would Jay do something like that? 

No, it was a good question. Why?

Jay’s smile slipped off his face as he looked at Sunghoon. 

“Wait.” Before Sunghoon’s very eyes, concern grew on Jay’s face and Sunghoon realised he might have overreacted. “Did I get it wrong?” Jay muttered more to himself than to Sunghoon, panic bleeding into his voice. “Are you mad?”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything. He realised he was trembling, his heart racing and face burning as if someone slapped him.

“I have the rest of the equipment in the house,” Jay said, scratching his forehead nervously. “All these cameras and filters and… whatever you need to do… that. I have two belonging to you and some of your lenses because that guy threw the rest of the things he bought from you away so—I can get you new ones because I guess over the years there are new, better models, so… I mean, I can…” Jay squinted, lowering the flashlight. “I’m… Uh. I’m sorry?”

“Jay.” Sunghoon’s voice cracked. He walked to Jay, grabbed him by the shirt and shook him. “Why the fuck would you buy that?!”

“I thought you missed it!” Jay squawked, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, his head going back and forth as Sunghoon shook him like maracas. “Fucking Sim told me when you sold it exactly! I tracked the guy! I bullied him into selling it back to me! I’m sorry but shouldn’t you be happy?!”

Sunghoon rattled Jay one more time because he was a fucking idiot for treating Sunghoon the way he didn’t deserve to be treated, and then wrapped his arms around him, squeezing the life out of him.

“Thank you,” he whispered into Jay’s neck and Jay stilled, breathing heavily. “Thank you so much.”

Sunghoon had always regretted selling it. If he wanted to go back to his hobby he always could, he could save money and eventually buy himself a new telescope, even the cheapest one. He could borrow a camera, he could make it work. 

But he sold it as a… A punishment, maybe. He didn’t think it through, he thought he wouldn’t regret it later. It was nothing but an object and yet, it meant the world to Sunghoon because when he got rid of it, he got rid of a part of himself.

Humans were, indeed, strange creatures. Strange and cruel.

“You…” Jay traced his fingers down Sunghoon’s nape. “...are happy.”

“Yes,” Sunghoon breathed out. “Yes, I am.”

Jay let out a sigh, slumping against him. “Fuck. Be more straightforward with your damn reactions, I thought you were going to kill me—”

“I just… I don’t…” Sunghoon was at a loss for words, staring into the darkness behind Jay. Why was he emotional? Why was he emotional? “You shouldn’t have.”

Jay was… Jay was going through a lot right now. It was Sunghoon who should have given him things, not the other way around, and yet…

“I was planning to do that since you’ve told me about it.” Jay cleared his throat as if he was reading Sunghoon’s thoughts. “But then all of that happened with… you know, Ni-ki leaving. I didn’t have a chance to give it to you. And I really wanted to.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Jay mocked him, pressing his fingers into Sunghoon’s nape. “You’re smart, baby. Try to think of the reason on your own, hm?”

Sunghoon held Jay at arm’s length to look into his eyes and then grasped his cheeks between his hands and covered his face with kisses. Jay endured it bravely, like his aunt’s stubborn cat, and didn’t protest against his affection until Sunghoon ran out of breath and was forced to stop before he passed out from the lack of air.

“But yeah, some credit goes to Jake, I guess.” Jay raised his eyes to the night sky, giving a heavy sigh. “Though, he thought there was a possibility you’d slap me.”

Well. If Jay forced him to go figure skating for fun, he might have. But this…

“Also, it’s a gift,” Jay added, readjusting his grip around the flashlight as Sunghoon bowed over the telescope, checking the lenses. “Don’t even think about paying me back. I know you’re crazy like that.”

“So crazy that I haven’t paid you for the ring yet.”

“Oh. So you are dumb, after all,” Jay said, a realisation in his voice. “Well. At least you’re pretty.”

Sunghoon shook his head, turning around. Jay looked a bit ridiculous with the light blasting on his face from below. This time, Sunghoon made sure Jay got the kiss he deserved.

Jay waited patiently as Sunghoon circled the telescope over and over again, talking more to himself than to Jay about what he needed to attach to it later. Sunghoon then moved the telescope so it was facing the moon, adjusted the finder scope, centred the moon and focused the eyepiece until the surface came into focus. 

His hands shook just a little as he stared at silvery craters and valleys, at the shadowed part of the moon that was so clear. He was looking at something so far away, something that he usually saw in the pictures. 

It was close enough to touch. Every ridge and crater was so close and yet, so so far.

Sunghoon stepped back and motioned Jay closer. “You have to see this.”

“The moon?” Jay nodded at the sky with his chin, his eyes glittering mischievously. “I can see it just right.”

Sunghoon didn’t have to ask twice, though. Jay leaned in, pressing one eye to the eyepiece, and fell silent.

Sunghoon knew what he saw. He watched Jay’s face change, a little frown appearing on it, his mouth parting.

He had to bite his cheek so as not to smile.

“Not bad, right?” Sunghoon asked quietly.

Jay straightened, looking over at Sunghoon, his hand still lingering on the tube. “Not bad,” he agreed softly, something like affection lingering in his eyes as he looked at Sunghoon. 

“It’s so strange,” Sunghoon muttered, leaning in again to take another look. He drew back to glance at Jay again. “We’re here on earth and we matter so little because we’re a part of something much bigger. All these challenges we’re facing and everything we go through… In the end, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”

They weren’t even a speck of dust in the universe. They were less than that and their lives were shorter than a second.

“Maybe for the Earth,” Jay answered, still staring at Sunghoon softly. His face was serious, his eyes gentle, eyelashes casting shadows over his cheekbones. “Maybe for the space. But not for us. We all have our own universes, don’t we? That’s what matters. Nothing else.”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything at that but it seemed that Jay wasn’t waiting for his answer anyway. Sunghoon only watched Jay as he bowed over the telescope again, the line of his nose straight, his profile as familiar as ever, even when enshrouded in shadows.

Sunghoon’s breath turned into mist when it escaped his mouth. The darkness wasn’t so deep anymore.

He looked up again, his smoky breath catching in his throat.

The sky was black, full of silent stars. His eyes had adapted to the darkness and the more he looked, the more he saw; cold distant lights blinking at him from far, far away. 

In space, stars didn’t blink. 

The sky had always been like that, vast and endless. Why was Sunghoon avoiding facing it at night? These stars weren’t much different than the star closest to Earth. Sunghoon didn’t avoid the sun. 

Vampires did. To vampires, stars other than the sun were kinder, their gleam comforting like the eye of the moon.

Sunghoon thought Jay was still absorbed by looking at the silver face that had never hurt him the way the sun did. 

When he glanced in Jay’s direction, though, he found that Jay, instead of looking at the moon, was looking at him.

His eyes were darker than the sky above their head and held more stars than the largest of galaxies. 

*

A few hours later, Jay dropped Sunghoon off and helped him move his telescope into his room. 

That was, Jay was carrying the tripod, flat field generator and a couple of other things he had purchased for Sunghoon, while Sunghoon took care of the hard case, where he had hidden the tube. 

It wasn’t that Sunghoon wouldn’t manage on his own (after all, he was a man), but these things were safer in Jay’s hands than they were in Sunghoon’s, at least for now. 

Jungwon wasn’t sleeping yet so they didn’t need to come inside quietly. As soon as they walked in, Jungwon stuck his head out of his room to say hello to them, already in his pyjamas.

“Sunghoon.” Jungwon blinked, his eyes scanning the hard case. “You’re not going to blow up our apartment, right?”

“Not today.”

“Hi.” Jay sent Jungwon a smile as he passed by Jungwon and Sunghoon and walked to Sunghoon’s room to leave his new-old things there.

Jungwon’s eyes followed him, his nose scrunching for a second, his eyes growing concerned. “I don’t get how he’s not cold.”

“Hot people thing,” Jay shot back.

Well. 

Sunghoon failed to hide his grin. He put the case on the floor, just to make sure he wouldn’t hit Jungwon with it when he came closer to him.

“Jay’s got me something,” Sunghoon muttered into Jungwon’s ear as quietly as possible. 

Jungwon’s eyes turned to the door to Sunghoon’s room. 

“A camera stand?” 

“It’s for a telescope.”

Jungwon leaned back a little to look Sunghoon in the eyes, his voice excited. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” 

Jungwon folded his arms on his chest, his moist hair clinging to his forehead. “Why are we whispering?”

“Because that’s nice.”

Jay cleared his throat. Sunghoon and Jungwon looked in his direction. 

Jay had appeared in the doorway. His eyebrows were raised. He was propping his forearm against the doorframe, his fingers curled into a loose fist.

“Hoon?”

Sunghoon leaned against Jungwon’s shoulder. It was good to have a much shorter friend.

“Yes?”

Jay fixed Sunghoon with a long stare.

“Can you explain to me why the contents of my trash can are in your room?”

Jungwon cleared his throat, turned around and walked back to his bedroom.

***

Over the next few days, Sunghoon didn’t get the chance to use his telescope but it didn’t bother him. 

It wasn’t that he would collect all the equipment he needed in a couple of days, pack it all into a backpack and walk five kilometres straight in the freezing night to put some distance from the city lights, in the middle of the week when he had to spend his evenings hunched over his laptop like a graceless gargoyle so as not not fail his classes.

Besides, years without doing astrophotography made Sunghoon astrophotography- and astronomy-proof. He didn’t need it anymore, had other hobbies that filled in that one, so he wasn’t going to reintegrate it back into his routine all of a sudden. Especially that astrophotography—and so, astronomy—accompanied him alongside ice-skating. 

Although Sunghoon dropped astronomy out of pure spite and self-pity rather than necessity, doing it now would bring too many blue-coloured memories of bringing his telescope to the garden to relax after an especially intense ice-skating session.

He needed time. Both to study and to get used to the thought that he could actually go back, now that he had his telescope. 

Even though he couldn’t go back to life before the accident. Not really. 

Jay didn’t expect Sunghoon to turn back to astronomy right away. In fact, he didn’t expect him to go back to it at all; as he’d said, he brought Sunghoon’s telescope back because he was aware of how much it meant to him. No strings attached.

That was the most important thing to Sunghoon. He couldn’t find the right words to express what he felt about what Jay did for him but the last thing he wanted to do was act like an ungrateful piece of shit and carelessly let the telescope collect dust in his room. It meant a lot to him that Jay didn’t think of him that way.

The fact that he had his telescope back with all its flaws and memories of long summer nights, both bitter and sweet, made Sunghoon’s chest tighten.

After he and Jay brought in all the parts of the telescope, Sunghoon sacrificed some room in his bedroom to set it up again so he could look at it. 

Having it in the room was enough.

God, as soon as he’d tell his mom, she would kiss Jay, put him on the pedestal and ask him to marry Sunghoon’s cousin so they could be family. His mom was going to kill him when she found out about them. That was, Sunghoon was sure his mom knew he had someone (not in the way she hoped) because what could possibly be another reason for him not calling his parents as often as he used to?

But pinning down the exact person was impossible for her. The only options were Jake, Jungwon, or Wonyoung whom he hadn’t contacted in… in a long time.

Now Sunghoon caught himself staring at the telescope again, thinking about the effort Jay was putting into him. 

Fine, Sunghoon was keeping Jay alive, but he brought him a lot of trouble, too. Too much trouble for how usual his life was. 

He didn’t know what special he could get for Jay because there simply wasn’t anything in his past Sunghoon could reach out to without triggering something horrible. 

Oh, let me give you a plate with your mom’s name so you can hang it on the wall. Here, this is Ni-ki’s picture from when he was eight so you can remember the exact moment when your brother had started lying to him. Look, I have a kiss coupon which you can use on Jungwon but just so you know, he can slap you because he doesn’t remember that he used to love you.

Sunghoon sighed, turning his eyes back to the screen of his laptop, his jaw hurting from how heavily he was leaning it against the palm of his hand.

His eyelids were heavy, too. Too heavy. He technically had time until Friday because the deadline was set on Friday evening but it would be nice to have a Friday without any breakdowns or having to frantically finish off the tasks he left until the last hour. The piano lesson at Rudolf’s was going to provide him enough fun for the whole day.

Sunghoon made a frustrated sound in his throat, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

Why, why, why did college have to suck so much? He was supposed to like what he was learning, he was supposed to be interested in that, be enthusiastic, but the only good thing about his studies was that his classes rarely began in the early morning and when he had group projects, everyone would do everything individually and stick it all together the day before the presentation. He didn’t even like people, why would he be a damn psychologist? 

Maybe Sunghoon should be grateful for the knock on the front door that saved him from staring with hatred at the screen of yet another article that had offered him little to no information on the topic of his essay but, to be fair, Sunghoon was less than happy hearing it.

Not moving from his chair, Sunghoon stared at the corridor, frozen, thinking he misheard it. 

He was home alone. Jungwon and Sunoo went out, Jay was in charge of the night rehearsal of his dance group (as a part of his still-there punishment for beating up Hajoon), and Jake was finishing his project for his optics classes with his friends.

Oh, well. If any of them were coming, they would text him. Sunghoon wasn’t going to confirm that he was living under this address to some rando outside of the door. If someone was knocking on his door at this hour, probably had some shady business to do with him. 

Sunghoon turned back to his laptop, pretending he hadn’t heard anything.

The knock sounded again, more insistent. Sunghoon sniffled, taking a sip of water from his glass.

Not today, Satan.

The person knocked on his door again, gentler. Sunghoon began looking for his airpods when a muffled, very familiar voice came through from behind the door:

“Sunghoon.” Jake knocked on the door again, so hard it shook. “I know you’re in here.”

Sunghoon frowned, a bit surprised, and rose from his chair immediately. 

He walked out of his room and went to the front door. He checked the staircase through the peephole as he opened the lock, and yeah, it was most definitely Jake, his face funnily contorted as he stared straight into the peephole, his hand pressed to the door.

When Sunghoon pressed the door handle and opened the door, Jake almost stumbled inside.

“Ah.” Jake regained his balance and flashed Sunghoon a charming smile. “I was just starting to think you weren’t going to open the door for me.”

“Jake.” Sunghoon smiled, stepping aside to let him in but Jake didn’t move, instead folding his arms on his chest, his jacket rustling as he leaned against the doorframe. “You could have texted me. Already done with your project?”

Sunghoon gave him a quick once-over. Jake was dressed in a decent winter jacket and black wide-legged trousers. Jake had gathered as much hair as it was possible into a small ponytail at the back of his head, but most of his silver hair was still falling onto his face. His natural hair was already showing at the roots.

“Yeah, I am.” 

“Come in, then,” Sunghoon urged him on. “I was halfway done with my essay.”

Jake tapped his index finger on the wide straps curling around his shoulders and only then Sunghoon noticed that he had his grey backpack on. “What do you say about a walk?”

A walk? 

“It’s midnight,” Sunghoon blurted out. 

What was with the obsession with walks at night? Okay, these three days ago Jay had something in mind but Jake… Fine, he clearly had something in mind, too, judging by the size of his backpack, and Sunghoon had a feeling what it could be, but it didn’t change the fact that it was too cold.

“A witching hour. Jungwon isn’t home, right?” Jake’s eyes glittered innocently.

“He’s with Sunoo.” Sunghoon couldn’t possibly open the door wider. “And isn’t the witching hour at three?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t met a witch yet. So he won’t be mad if we go out, too.” Jake shifted his weight onto the other leg. “Your apartment doesn’t seem like the right place to… you know. Do what we want to do.”

“Aren’t you picky?” Sunghoon sent Jake a short look, excitement bubbling in his belly. Oh, he was so doomed, why did he like that so much? “You must have hit your head harder than we thought.”

“Yes, my personality has changed a bit since that time.” Jake played with a lock of his hair before tucking it behind his ear. “But I’ve got food. Sausages and such. My treat.”

“So you’re not that picky.” Sunghoon didn’t remember the last time they lit a bonfire in December (not that it felt like December). Maybe it was because they might never… have done that. Or have they? “Sure, let me just… put on something warmer.”

“Of course.” Jake finally walked into the corridor, his backpack knocking off an umbrella from the coat hanger. “Uh. Sorry.” He was fast to bend and pick it up. 

Sunghoon patted Jake’s back on his way to his room. 

Sunghoon closed the laptop, tugged on one of his sweaters and put on warmer socks. He was not going to get sick today. 

In a minute, he was ready to go.

“You could have called me,” Sunghoon said, putting on his jacket while Jake stood on the side, watching him. 

By the flush on his face, it was too warm for Jake, which was a good sign. He really was appropriately dressed.

“Then you would have talked me out of it.” Jake stepped into the staircase. Sunghoon followed after him and locked the door. “We would be watching a movie at that moment.”

“I didn’t know that watching movies with me was so horrible,” Sunghoon muttered, making sure the door was locked. What if he didn’t lock it?

“It’s not.” Jake pushed Sunghoon’s hand away and pressed the door handle himself. “See? Locked. Let’s go.”

Unlike Jay, Jake was normal, so he used a flashlight to illuminate the path in front of them from the moment they put some distance from the tenement and street lamps and drew nearer the woods. They took the same path as always, the one that led to a small glade where they were always having their campfires. 

The last time they had one was… Maybe three months ago, after that party. Sunghoon was still hiding Jay’s bite on his throat—now a scar that was never going to disappear—and Jake was still pretending he wasn’t risking his life every night, fighting against creatures much deadlier than humans. 

Soon enough, talking quietly, the light jumping with each of Jake’s steps, they entered the glade. Today, the sky was more cloudy than it had been for the past week, so the only light they could rely on was the one coming from Jake’s flashlight. Not that the moon would be much of a use anyway. 

Their usual campfire spot was untouched, stones placed in a more-or-less neat circle, just as they’d left them. Jake found their self-made sticks and Sunghoon brought out the wood they’d hidden in a hollow. Surprisingly, the wood was dry enough.

After they cleaned out the ground around the stones, Jake took out food (sausages, bread, and marshmallows) and left it close to the soon-to-be bonfire. Jake started the fire and Sunghoon pulled in the stumps they used as seats. Moss grew over them but Jake had been kind enough to bring some blankets so Sunghoon folded them and put them over the stumps.

Jake didn’t have much difficulty getting the fire going. He had always been the one doing that and Sunghoon never questioned it because if he was the one taking care of it, Jake would probably starve to death. It didn’t mean Sunghoon didn’t know how to do it, okay? He just… needed more time. 

As the flames rose (Jake blew at the fire gently), Sunghoon already held their roasting sticks over them. In the meantime, he unpacked the sausages and bread. After a minute or so, he slid the sausages on one stick, and the bread on the other.

Jake was crouching next to the fire. “Do you need help with that?”

“No.” Sunghoon sat on the stump, making sure not to trample the pack of marshmallows. “Don’t worry, I won’t burn anything.”

“I know.” Jake rose to his feet and stretched a bit, glancing at the fire with appreciation. 

Jake sat down with a sigh, bringing his backpack with him. 

Sunghoon’s lips twitched. Jake shot him a questioning look but Sunghoon shook his head. He wasn’t going to say Jake behaved like an old man. 

“It’s warm,” Sunghoon remarked intelligently and Jake let out a snort.

“Did you really think we’d freeze to death here?”

“That’s what almost happened to me the last time I went for a walk.” Sunghoon raised the stick with the sausages a little. “We haven’t done that in a while. The fire thing.”

“Yeah.” Jake brushed his hair back. It seemed fairer than it did during the day. “The weather isn’t really right for it but… I guess I was in the mood for something like that.”

“I wasn’t,” Sunghoon admitted, rotating the stick. “But I am now.”

Talking to Jake was always welcomed, no matter when, no matter where. There were few things that were as comforting as having Jake close to himself.

“I think it won’t disappear,” Sunghon said, eyeing Jake’s cheek.

“What will not?”

“This scar on your cheek.” Sunghoon’s cuts had healed well and most of Jake’s had, too. Since he stood closer to Ni-ki back then, he took a worse hit than Sunghoon, and it seemed that one of the cuts was going to leave a mark for a longer time.

“Ah.” Jake waved his hand at Sunghoon, opening his backpack with his other one. “It’s fine. I like battle scars.”

Of course he did.

Sunghoon could genuinely say that Jake was feeling better, not only physically. Since that incident with Noir, hesitation followed Jake like fire followed a dry trail, and Sunghoon wasn’t able to do anything to stamp it down. 

It was out of his reach and his hands stung because of that. Jake had doubted even if now he wouldn’t admit it; doubted in himself and in the ideology he had been following for all of his life.

Just like Jay and Sunoo, Jake needed time to get over everything that had happened, and he needed to do it on his own. He did, more or less. Like Sunghoon. Though, it wasn’t exactly getting over it, more like pushing it back and not thinking about it.

“What’s your essay about?”

“Let’s not talk about studies. It’s supposed to be a nice meeting.”

“But it’s always nice to complain.” Jake glanced at the sticks Sunghoon was holding. “You can pass me the one with the bread. The sausages are almost ready so I’ll start toasting the bread.”

Sunghoon hummed, passing Jake the stick with the slices of bread, turning his face away from the fire. When he faced it again, compared to the cold air, the heat was borderline uncomfortable. 

Everything for food.

Eventually, the sausages were ready, and so was bread (though Jake turned the slice hanging at the end of the stick into a smouldering ember). Sunghoon and Jake moved away from the fire a little and dumped their food into separate plastic boxes that Jake had also brought in his backpack. 

Mostly because in the past they lost too many sausages due to their incompetence in eating straight from the stick.

Sunghoon ignored the way the sausage burned the roof of his mouth. Judging by the tears in Jake’s eyes, he did the same.

“I told you to wait,” Sunghoon mumbled with his mouth full. “‘S so cold they would cool off in a minute if you waited—”

“‘Did the exact same thing, smartass—”

After a couple more seconds of pain, more tears and even more minutes of eating, Jake handed Sunghoon his box with a half-finished sausage and reached for something in his backpack. That was, he was surely looking for drinks. 

Fairly enough, he fished out a rather big bottle of Sprite. Sunghoon stared at Jake without a word as his friend unscrewed the cap and took a generous gulp from the bottle.

“Here.” Jake wiped his mouth off, took the box back onto his lap, and shoved the bottle into Sunghoon’s hands.

Sunghoon thanked him with a nod and brought the bottle to his lips.

It didn’t taste like Sprite, not at all. The liquid burned his throat and Sunghoon let out a short cough, tears springing to his eyes.

“Wh… Jake?” Sunghoon turned the bottle in his hands. It was most definitely a sprite bottle but Jake had filled it with soju. “You’re not supposed to be drinking for at least a month—”

“Yeah?” Jake took the bottle from between Sunghoon’s hands and took another sip. “I don’t care.”

“I can see that.” Sunghoon hesitated for a few seconds when Jake outstretched his arm, offering him the bottle again. “But soju?”

“It’s flavoured,” Jake said.

It was good to know because he didn’t feel it.

“Cheers.” This time, Sunghoon didn’t wince. “I hate drinking.”

“I’m not forcing you.” 

“I’m not letting you get wasted alone.”

“We’re not getting wasted with that…”

“You poured vodka inside a two-litre bottle…?”

“I also have cola.” Jake sent Sunghoon a smile. “If you want to say anything.”

“I don’t.” Sunghoon sniffled, deciding to finish off his food. “Alcoholic.”

“Hey, I haven’t gotten drunk in a long time.” That was true but Sunghoon wasn’t going to agree with him.

“Because you can’t drink on duty,” Sunghoon noted, biting into a piece of bread. It crunched between his teeth. “And you’re on duty all the time.”

“I’m not now.” Jake blinked, staring at the bottle as if it was more interesting than Sunghoon. Certainly, it was much better on the inside than Sunghoon was. “Creatures of the night don’t like these woods, you know?”

Sunghoon choked on the bread. 

“I didn’t know,” he wheezed out. “But I’m glad.”

Now when he was thinking about it, no one had ever attacked them here. Not yet, at least. 

Jake hummed, stretching his legs in front of him and tipping his head back to stare at the sky. Or rather, at the clouds covering it like a sleepy blanket.

“Your star talk isn’t going to work today.” Sunghoon patted Jake’s knee. “Not many stars to see up there.”

“Ah.” Jake’s mouth stretched in a small smile. “But how’s your telescope?”

Sunghoon scratched the tip of his nose, hiding his mouth behind his hand. Jake knew very well how it was—he barged into Sunghoon’s room the next morning to see the telescope with his own eyes, acting as if he was completely uninvolved in getting it. 

Jake was equally as happy to see that the engravings that they did in the past were still there and didn’t spoil the metal.

“Happy to be back. I think.” Sunghoon blinked, his vision blurring a little. “I think I may be drunk.”

Jake sent him a long look. He shoved his hair back. “Already?”

“I drank more than you,” Sunghoon huffed. He wasn’t really drunk, just a bit… tipsy. He was feeling just fine. “And faster.”

“...It’s been five minutes.”

“And I’ll be fine in another five minutes.” Sunghoon lifted his chin, trying to keep the rest of his dignity. 

“More like twenty.” Jake passed Sunghoon the bottle. Jake’s skin was warm when their hands knocked against each other. “That was really something.” Jake waited for Sunghoon to finish drinking with his arm outstretched. “What Park did for you. I didn’t expect that of him.”

“I can’t blame you.” Sunghoon gladly handed the bottle back to Jake. “I didn’t expect that either. Especially that it involved reaching out to you.”

“Yeah.” Jake stared at Sunghoon thoughtfully and swallowed down another gulp of soju.

Sunghoon blinked, putting the lunch box aside. “Did you do your paperwork today?”

“Oh, yeah. I took care of it during my morning class.” Jake wasn’t on a risk-your-life duty but he still had to contribute in a way, and he was doing it by mostly checking the stocks after missions for a few of their groups.

Fortunately, they weren’t piling work on him. Sunghoon was genuinely surprised that his gang of brutes actually took to heart the idea of not overworking him, especially since Jake was already swamped with his studies.

Jake lowered the bottle, sending Sunghoon a grim look.

“I haven’t killed anything in twelve days.”

Sunghoon was proud of himself that his smile didn’t drop at the casual way these words left Jake’s mouth.

“And how does it feel?”

Jake opened his mouth and closed it, staring into the fire.

“So about Jay…”

“You’re not killing him,” Sunghoon said flatly. 

“Hmm.” Jake bent closer to the fire and stirred the embers with a stick. 

The glow of the fire painted his hair orange.

Sparks shot up. Sunghoon leaned back, slipping his hands into his pockets, wishing he had something to rest against. Maybe it was better he didn’t have anything like that; at least he wasn’t feeling too comfortable. 

He let his chin fall a little, hiding it in his scarf. 

“I’ll roast the marshmallows,” he decided but he made no move to pick up the pack of marshmallows from the ground. “In a second,” he changed his mind when Jake blinked at him.

Jake outstretched his arm and lifted the marshmallows off the ground. He dropped the pack on Sunghoon’s lap.

“Here. I’ve done the worst part for you.”

“Thanks.” Sunghoon counted to ten and then straightened his back and stood up. The world swayed in front of his eyes just a little bit. “I’ll just get a stick that doesn’t taste like sausages.”

“Hold it over the fire for a bit first,” Jake said when Sunghoon sat back in his spot, holding one of the sticks they’d prepared for campfires some time ago. They had secured all of them well enough that the wind couldn’t blow them away. “Or wait. First, you have to clean it with water.”

Sunghoon gestured at Jake, squinting. “Give me the bottle.”

“With water. You’re not touching our alcohol.”

Sunghoon cleaned the stick more or less and skewered a couple of marshmallows. Now, he needed to focus. He couldn’t fuck it up.

Jake observed Sunghoon calmly as he lit the set of marshmallows on fire.

Sunghoon managed to deliver the next set perfectly roasted straight into Jake’s mouth. That was, after they cooled off, Sunghoon wasn’t a psychopath.  

Oh. It would be so nice to have Jungwon with them. Jungwon loved the marshmallows. Probably because he looked like a marshmallow himself. This could mean that Jungwon was a cannibal, but…

Thirty marshmallows, one litre of soju and two sausages and maybe an hour later, Sunghoon and Jake were sitting close to each other, their shoulders touching despite them sitting on their own stumps. 

It was comfortable, sitting like that, next to Jake. Sunghoon was sleepy but he wasn’t thinking about coming back to bed. He certainly ate too much but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. 

It was strange to think that it was December. December. How was he supposed to accept it? 

Well. Time flew. 

“I think… I wanted to tell you something.” Jake put down the bottle. It wobbled on the uneven ground. “And just so you know: I’m not drunk.”

“Maybe you’re not.” Jake was tipsy, at most. A drunk Jake would be falling into the fire head-first the second Sunghoon let him out of his sight.

“I want to talk about Jay. And no,” Jake added when Sunghoon shot him a suspicious glance. “I don’t mean to tell you that he’s dangerous. You know that already.”

“He bites sometimes.” Sunghoon folded his arms on his chest, his eyes focusing on Jake’s face. Jake’s hair was more outside of the ponytail than it was in it. 

“I think I underestimated him.” Jake’s voice was only slightly louder than the fire dancing so close to them. “When it comes to you. I can tell that it cost him a lot to come to me to ask about you. We don’t really talk, you know. We just argue.”

Sunghoon had no idea.

“So the telescope.” Jake shook his head and tapped Sunghoon’s hand with his index finger. Light danced on his face. “And that ring. I actually investigated him on that one.”

“The ring?” Sunghoon’s eyes darted to it. 

He had been so close to losing it. 

“Because did you know…”

“...that vampires propose with silver?” Sunghoon finished Jake’s sentence. “Yes, I’m aware.”

“Yeah.” Jake blinked, the corner of his lips twitching. “But did you know that for vampires accepting any silver ring is tantamount to accepting the engagement?”

Jake said it so calmly that Sunghoon had to repeat Jake’s words in his clouded mind a few times, giving them a different tone. He sobered up in a second.

“I’m engaged to Jay?” Sunghoon stuttered. “But we’re not even boyfriends.”

“Ah.” Jake let out a satisfied sigh and Sunghoon tried to focus. No, he wasn’t drunk. He might have been for a few (or more) minutes but he was definitely too sober for this talk. “You’re following my conversation script so well. And before you freak out— no, Jay didn’t force you into an engagement. He’d be fucking dead if he did. I wanted to talk about that.”

Sunghoon didn’t even think about freaking out.

“Listen.” Sunghoon pinched his nose between his fingers. That was not going to happen. “No. No engagement.”

“What?! I’m not asking you to…” Jake paused, taking a deep breath. “Listen. You know I’m your friend.”

Sunghoon stared at him in silence for a few seconds. That was concerning.

“Yes…?”

“Just keep it in mind,” Jake said, resting his chin on the palm of his hand, his brown eyes observing Sunghoon closely. 

Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed. What now? 

His heart was beating faster. His muscles, relaxed for so long, tensed up as he automatically tightened the grip around the stick he hadn’t yet put down. He looked at Jake with anticipation. 

Jake mumbled:

“Why are you not dating?”

Sunghoon’s mouth parted. “Huh?”

“You and Jay,” Jake answered, patience in his voice. “Why aren’t you dating?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“Because you’re dumb, that’s why.” Sunghoon’s eyebrows drew together because excuse you, but Jake didn’t wait for him to articulate his discontent. “You like him, right?”

“Yes, but…”

“And he likes you.”

“I guess—”

“No,” Jake huffed. “No ‘I guess’. He likes you. And you like him. So why aren’t you dating?”

“He doesn’t want to date me.” Sunghoon put the stick on the ground so he could slide his hands back into the pockets of his jacket. 

“I see. And you also don’t want to date him.” Jake raised his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side.

Sunghoon muttered something under his breath. It wasn’t that.

“But you are already behaving like a couple,” Jake continued. “You’re just idiots who can’t make it official and call it what it is.”

“If he wanted me to be his…” Sunghoon choked on nothing and Jake fixed him with another patient look. “ Boyfriend, ” he managed to say, the word unfamiliar on his tongue. “He would ask me.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Jake stretched his back, his nose scrunching. “Because you want him to be your boyfriend. And you haven’t asked him. See the similarity?”

“God.” Sunghoon rubbed his forehead. “Do we really have to talk about it?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Why?” Sunghoon let out a small huff. “It’s not as if you wanted us to be together.”

“Yeah, I’ve never wanted that,” Jake admitted smoothly. “But it happened anyway. We both know that if my opinion mattered, you wouldn’t be spending time with him in the first place so it’s not like I’m the one stopping you. Don’t put blame on me.”

“I’m not putting blame on you.” Sunghoon nibbled on his bottom lip. “It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Jake lowered his head to look Sunghoon in the face. He didn’t even notice that he fixed his gaze on the ground. “What? You don’t want to make it official?”

“I want to,” Sunghoon admitted quietly, suddenly aware of the silence around them. 

“Then why won’t you?”

“I can’t just ask him to be my boyfriend when he lost two members of his family because of me—”

“First of all, it wasn’t your fault. Second of all, he didn’t think acting all damn romantic with your telescope was wrong and he did it like, right away…”

“He was planning it before…”

“You were also planning it before. You just didn’t want to say it out loud.” Jake ran his hand through his hair and crossed his ankles in front of him. “So what’s the problem? You think that Park wouldn’t want to date you, yeah? If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t be acting like a fool around you.”

Sunghoon opened and closed his mouth. The thought of them dating shouldn’t be so foreign to him considering how many times it had crossed his mind—that Jay wouldn’t want to date or that it wasn’t right for them because Sunghoon was a human and Jay was a vampire—but it was. 

“If you somehow think he’s not attracted to you; he does sleep with you.”

“Attraction brought us together in the first place.” Sunghoon wasn’t perfect but then, Jay clearly wasn’t looking for perfection. “That’s like the only thing—”

“The only thing?” Jake dragged his hand down his face. “You’re friends.” The fire crackled softly. “With benefits,” Jake added dryly. “I’m pretty sure some feelings are involved, too, which is something friends with benefits shouldn’t do. The feelings.”

“There’s no—”

“You don’t have to love each other to date,” Jake interrupted him. “See, if you date, you can always break up. But if you don’t date and you argue and break up, then you break up for real. So think about dating like… dating is like a protective layer that allows your boyfriend to later be your friend. Which didn’t work out for you well now that I think about it,” Jake muttered under his breath, crossing his arms on his chest. “But still.”

“Or,” Sunghoon suggested, “I can just do what I’m doing.”

“Is there another person in the picture?” Jake asked flatly. 

“What? No.”

“Then date him. Go to him and say: Jay, I want you to be my boyfriend.” Jake nodded and carried on when Sunghoon started to protest. “The worst thing he can do is say no. And then you’ll argue, probably. And if you don’t make up, then it means he’s not the right for you. But…” Jake gazed at Sunghoon, his eyes unexpectedly soft. “I think he’s the right person for you. Don’t you?”

“He’s a vampire.”

“Nice dodge, Sunghoon.” Jake cocked his eyebrow. “But we aren’t boxing. You don’t seem to mind that he’s a vampire when he’s buying you rings, bringing back your lost telescopes and taking you for romantic dates in museums.”

“That’s because I’m using him for his money.” Sunghoon dusted off ash from his jacket. “You know, the money that Jay’s brother got for lying to his other brother for eighteen years?”

“Be serious, Hoon. Alright?” Jake flicked his forehead and Sunghoon yelped, covering it with his hand. What the fuck, that hurt! “Joking won’t solve that problem. You like him or not?”

“Yes,” Sunghoon murmured, rubbing his forehead.

“Would you like everyone to know that he’s your boyfriend?”

Sunghoon paused. “Maybe not his dad—” Jake slapped his hand over Sunghoon’s mouth.

“Would you like your friends to know he’s your boyfriend, smartass?”

Sunghoon nodded.

“Do you want to date someone else?”

Sunghoon shook his head, frowning.

“Do you think he’s a good friend?”

Sunghoon nodded again.

“Do you hate more that he’s a vampire or that his looks are better than his personality?”

Sunghoon glared at Jake. Jake released his face, pressing his lips together, as if stopping himself from smiling.

“I know it’s… confusing.” Sunghoon sniffled, placing his hand on his lap. “What we’re doing. But maybe that’s what works for us the best.”

“Maybe you think that because you two haven’t talked about it yet. Taking someone as your girlfriend or boyfriend shows that you’re committed to them.” Jake’s shoulders relaxed again as he changed his position on the stump. “If he’s not looking for commitment with you, then maybe I misjudged him. And, after all, he’s not the right person for you.”

Sunghoon nibbled on his bottom lip, hesitating. “He did ask me to move in together. But…”

Jake fell from his stump, landing on the ground with a curse. Sunghoon jumped to his legs and swayed a little, hurrying to help him up.

“He what?!” Jake sputtered, shoving his hair away from his face.

“I said that it wasn’t a good idea.” 

“And you… think it’s… Jesus,” Jake groaned, almost falling onto Sunghoon when he heaved him up. “And you’re still afraid to ask him that?”

Sunghoon considered letting go of Jake’s hand. “I’m not afraid.”

“He’s making so many moves and you’re just ignoring them. No wonder he didn’t ask you that. Asking someone to live with them is a pretty straightforward suggestion that they’re looking for something, don’t you think? Especially if you sleep with that person.” Jake grasped Sunghoon’s shoulder and he looked him in the eyes, blinking. “Sunghoon. You’re not an idiot. Don’t act like one.”

“Can you stop?” Sunghoon pushed Jake down onto the stump. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“No.” Jake grasped Sunghoon’s wrist. “Less thinking, more doing for you. And if Jay doesn’t want that—which I seriously doubt—then you’ll at least know to dump him and move on. I know you, right? You’ve gotten into a relationship with Hajoon much faster.”

Sunghoon huffed, sitting down, too. “Don’t bring him into this.”

Jake cleared his throat, pushing his hair back. He must have lost his hairband when he fell on his face. “My point is, when that piece of shit showed up, you didn’t even get to know him that well before you started dating. You like the thought of having a boyfriend. I think.”

Sunghoon looked at the fire. Yes, he didn’t wait much to get into a relationship with Hajoon but Hajoon and Jay weren’t alike. 

Jake wiped something off his face. “If Jay doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you… There are many men and women who would. That is, if you looked at someone else other than your damn vampire. ”

His damn vampire. 

Sunghoon swallowed, his eyes darting to his hands. 

Maybe. Just because Sunghoon and Jay didn’t have a future together it didn’t mean they couldn’t have anything together.

“So I have your approval?” Sunghoon blinked. “That’s so weird.”

“I mean… You didn’t even want to tell me you got involved with him because you thought I’d get mad.”

“You did get mad.”

“Not at you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Jake blinked. “You’re going to listen to me?”

Sunghoon bit on his bottom lip to stop a grin from showing on his face. “I’m going to think about it. That’s all.”

Jake sighed, giving Sunghoon a meaningful look. “But really think about it. Autumn is still here, right? It’s time for changes.”

Jake’s sick leave was clearly doing something to his head.

All that he’d said… Wasn’t he right? 

Jay had made enough moves on him. Jay liked him, and cared for him, just like Sunghoon did for him. Maybe they didn’t let each other into everything in their lives; they were still avoiding touching upon topics sensitive to them more than it was necessary. But maybe becoming official, as much as ridiculous it sounded, was the best step both of them could take. Even if Jay refused, by asking him that, Sunghoon would show him that he liked him. 

What if Jay didn’t know that Sunghoon liked him the same way Jay liked him? What if Sunghoon had rejected him and he didn’t even know?

Yes, Jake was right. They didn’t have to be in love to be in a relationship. They didn’t even have to stay in it. They could… figure it all out on their own. 

Sunghoon nudged Jake’s shoulder gently. “Thank you,” he said softly. “For… bringing that up. Maybe you’re right.”

Jungwon had suggested it to him, too. But now… Now Sunghoon was willing to think about it.

“I am right.” Jake seemed content, if the wrinkles around his eyes were anything to go by. “I thought I’d mention it to you, you know, because we never really talk about you and Jay like friends should. Besides…” Jake paused, casting his eyes downwards.

Sunghoon waited for him to continue but Jake didn’t say anything so he urged him on.

“Besides?”

“It got me thinking. What happened at Jay’s house.” Jake’s shoulder was pressing against Sunghoon’s. “If something had gone wrong, we would have died.”

Sunghoon fiddled with his ring, something scratching the back of his throat.

“It’s just… We take everything for granted but then it’s not there anymore.” Jake crossed his arms on his chest, staring into the fire. “Our youth is only a blink of an eye and we waste it on anything but living. We waste it on hesitating and thinking and worrying whether what we’re doing is right. Instead of doing what is right.”

“That’s the way life is.” Sunghoon rested his chin on his hand, enjoying the warmth of the fire on his face. “We can’t fight against it.”

“But we can make it easier.” Jake threw a small piece of bark into the fire. “Do things so we don’t regret not doing them. In the end, we regret something we didn’t do, not what we did.”

Sunghoon regretted the things he’d done but this was what made him and Jake different. 

“What were you doing there?” he asked, something that he didn’t have the chance to ask Jake before. Jake sent him a questioning glance. “At the house. Before we came.”

Jake hummed, throwing another bit of bark into the flames. “I don’t remember. I needed to tell him something about that stunt Ni-ki pulled to keep him busy while you rescued Jay. Probably that no one was buying the cliff story, but… I don’t know.”

“Oh.” That was fair. Jake also didn’t remember a few pieces of what happened during that evening and Sunghoon had to fill him in on some details. “It must have been important.”

Jake drew in a long breath. “I don’t know. I do know I had terrible timing.”

“At least you don’t have to work for now.”

“Yeah.” Jake’s lips curled in a smile. 

The fire reflecting in his eyes reminded Sunghoon of the fire roaring soundlessly on the surface of the lake in Jungwon’s painting.

“I’m sorry.” Sunghoon glanced at the side of Jake’s face. The skin in the place where the wound on his temple used to be was a bit paler than the rest. “That you were caught between it.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” Jake raised his chin and looked up. 

Sunghoon followed his gaze. While they were drinking, the sky had cleared a little and a few stars were blinking at them from afar. 

In an hour or so, it could be a good night for taking some photos.

“He’ll manage, right?” 

Jake’s voice brought Sunghoon’s attention back to him. 

Jake was frowning, staring into the fire but when he noticed Sunghoon looking at him, he looked at him too.

Jake didn’t say who he was talking about but he didn’t have to.

Sunghoon thought of tears on his neck and blood under Heeseung’s fingernails.

“Of course,” he answered eagerly, wanting to believe that. “He’s already cleaning the shit out of whatever place he’s in.”

“Hmm.” Jake barely acknowledged Sunghoon’s words, but his shoulders sagged a bit as if some tension melted away into the warm air. “It’s not my business anyway.”

Sunghoon stared at him out of the corner of his eye; at his distant eyes and thin face, his pale lips bitten raw and reddened knuckles, the way he slumped forward, close to the fire.

Sunghoon inched closer to Jake, carefully. He put his arm behind Jake’s back, supporting his hand against the edge of Jake’s seat. 

“I think it’s as much your business as it is everyone else’s,” Sunghoon said quietly.

Jake’s back rose and fell under Sunghoon’s arm. 

For some reason, it turned out to be the right thing to say.

Jake rested his head on Sunghoon’s shoulders. Together, they looked up at the stars. 

***

“I can’t believe you’re dumping me for him.” Jay’s eyes were narrowed as he watched Sunghoon make sure that his student ID was in his wallet. “Again.”

Ah yes, it was there. Sunghoon breathed out with relief. He was going to get that one per cent off at the cinema after all.

“It’s just the right time to go.” Sunghoon threw his wallet back into his bag. Jay didn’t move from his chair and probably, he wasn’t going to. “Before you know it, everything will be flooded with Christmas. I don’t want to witness it.”

There were a couple of things this town was doing right. Not only did it have a great museum, a vampire club, a university and a cinema, but it also hadn’t given in to the tradition of replacing autumn with tacky decorations in the name of holidays that were still a full three weeks away.

Separated by exams and crippling anxiety.

“That’s an interesting excuse.” Jay sniffled, drumming his fingers against his arm. “But you know what will never be flooded with Christmas? My practice room.”

“I’d love to see you dance, Jay, and maybe I would.” Sunghoon glanced at his phone and threw his bag over his shoulder. “If you hadn’t sent my ex to the hospital. I guess that if you reduce someone to a pulp, you’re being reduced to a decoration.”

Jay lifted his chin, almost pointing it at the ceiling. “That’s just rude and you’re being unfair.”

“Yes.” Sunghoon leaned over the table and grasped Jay’s chin. He lowered his head to look him in the eyes. Jay didn’t protest (obviously) when Sunghoon kissed him goodbye, tasting the bitter taste of Jay’s favourite coffee on his lips. He hoped that Jay felt his coffee, too, and that it was going to give him diabetes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun.” A small smile claimed Jay’s mouth but Sunghoon didn’t have time to reclaim it back; any moment now, Jake was going to pick him up from the street right by the campus café, and Sunghoon didn’t want to keep him waiting.

Especially since their movie was starting in less than forty minutes and they still didn’t have the tickets. Mainly because Jake refused to pay the extra service fee for ordering them online.

“You too.” Sunghoon shot Jay a knowing look and when Jay answered him with a glare, he tucked a lock of his black hair behind his ear. Jay had yet another rehearsal he was responsible for, half an hour away, which was why they met at the campus café in the first place. “I’ll pay for the coffee.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Jay kissed the side of Sunghoon’s wrist and Sunghoon’s heart skipped a beat heavier. What a loser. “I already did.”

“I’ll pay for the next one, then.”

“Or,” Jay raised his eyebrow, “you can get on your knees now.”

Hm. 

“Be more stern when saying that and maybe I will.” Sunghoon patted Jay’s head and turned on his heel. “Bye.”

Not waiting for Jay’s answer (he knew he wasn’t going to get one), Sunghoon left the café, feeling Jay’s gaze on his back.

Outside, the wind was calm, but the air was cold and strangely heavy. The streetlights cast a yellowish glow on the sidewalk and the groups of people passing by. 

For a moment, Sunghoon found it odd just how many people were out, but then again, the café had been crowded too—mostly with students—and it seemed suitable for a Saturday evening. More and more students were buckling down for their exams, taking over different strategic spots like cafés and libraries across the campus.

Sunghoon knew it was only a matter of time before he and Jungwon would join the ranks of desperate students speeding to get done as much as possible before they met their pathetic end in the exam hall. 

The biggest motivator for Sunghoon was fear, though midterms were still more or less manageable, leaving only a small scarring on his mental health.

Sunghoon still felt damn butterflies in his stomach and a pleasant tingling in his warm cheeks as he hurried forward, weaving through people, trying not to grin like an idiot whenever Jay’s handsome face popped back into his mind.

Because Jay was his. His, his, his, and he was sure it was going to stay this way. 

Ugh. No. Calm down, you idiot.

Sunghoon covered his mouth with his hand to stop himself from screaming. 

No, he hadn’t yet followed Jake’s advice to ask Jay… Well, that. It was probably best to hold off until after exams, just in case Jay turned him down, but… To be honest, Sunghoon doubted it would happen.

He was convinced Jake and Jungwon were right. Jay reminded Sunghoon of this every time when Sunghoon looked up and caught Jay staring at him from behind his book.

It was as if something switched in Sunghoon’s brain. It was… It was sick. He was sick, he was sure of that.

For the past two days, since he and Jake talked about it, he was thinking about it like a fool. About what he was going to say, about how Jay was going to react, and how he was going to react to his reaction. He was thinking about the positive outcome and how Jungwon was going to react knowing he finally decided to listen to him. 

He was even planning how he’d tell his parents—his father was most definitely going to have his head, but oh well. Who cares. 

Okay. He didn’t take anything for granted. Jay could say no.

It was unfair to ask him, in a way. Asking Jay that after Ni-ki and… after they left. 

Sunghoon climbed inside Jake’s car and closed the door gently, breathing a bit too heavily for a person who had walked just a little faster than usual.

Jake was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, already lifting his foot off the brake. He was dressed in all black, as if he was going to hunt down a couple of vampires after spending time in the cinema with his best friend.

“You’re red,” Jake said instead of a greeting and Sunghoon pressed his cold hands to his cheeks.

“I ran.”

“I see.” Jake’s shoulders were relaxed. “So how’s Park?”

“Enthusiastic that he can lead the rehearsal of the dance team.” Sunghoon lowered his hands to his lap. “Jungwon and Sunoo volunteered to help with the decorations, but they won’t be present there, right?”

The last time Jungwon helped with decorations, he came to a few rehearsals to make sure what needed to be done. But then, he and other people had been talking to a coordinator, and Jay wasn’t the one responsible for the stage.

“Tonight? I don’t think so.” Jake scratched the side of his face. “Aren’t they having a movie night at your future boyfriend’s house?”

“What?” Sunghoon frowned. How could he have missed that? “Are you telling me that they abandoned us because of their own movie night?”

“Yep.” Jake sniffled. “Also, Jungwon thought it’s dumb to pay for a movie you can watch on the Internet.”

“It’s about the vibes.” Sunghoon glanced at Jake, his eyes narrowing. “When did he say that?”

“Yesterday. You were… sitting right next to us?”

Sunghoon had been sitting next to them—they met for a study session—but he didn’t remember that exact part of the conversation.

Well. They could always go to the cinema to watch a new movie, just the three of them. 

Sometime later, they arrived at the cinema. After they got their tickets, they decided to buy popcorn (salted) but ate most of it when they took their seats in one of the last rows.

See, Sunghoon was willing to pay for a ticket to enjoy the movie in the cinema. He and Jake were lucky enough to not encounter any over-enthusiastic people so the screening of Labyrinth turned out to be pleasant. Even though they ran out of popcorn, as they always did.

It was a shame they didn’t manage to get their own snacks before the movie but then, they were there to watch, not to eat.

They hadn’t been to the cinema in quite a long time and as Sunghoon’s mentioned to Jay, it was the last chance they had to do something fun before their study sessions sucked the life out of them for good.

That was, they could do something fun in between—like sleeping. 

They were going to do exactly that. Sunghoon and Jake were going to drive to Sunghoon’s place and eat something tasty. Maybe they would watch something additionally, but they were probably going to end up talking over it, treating it like background music.

Sunghoon was leaning his head against the headrest as Jake calmly drove through the city to Sunghoon’s apartment. It was a nice change, not being scared for his own life, which he often was when Jay was driving.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if I can watch anything else.” Sunghoon hid a yawn behind his hand. 

He felt sleepy which was a disgrace; it wasn’t even late. It was barely eight.

“We can try to watch something anyway.” Jake sniffled, stopping the car when the light turned red. Small droplets of rain landed on the windscreen. “But we’re definitely ordering pizza first. I’m starving.”

“I don’t want to call the pizza man.” More droplets fell. Jake turned on the wipers one time.

“Yes, you do. You need to fight your fear of phone calls.”

“I don’t.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes. The light turned green. The car trailed forward. “The Internet exists, did you know? I can order a pizza online.”

“Fair, but you can order this good one through the phone only. Or in person.”

Sunghoon sighed, sending Jake a pained look. “So I guess we’re not eating a good pizza tonight. I can cook some chicken.”

“Fine.” Jake had his eyes fixated on the road but his eyes darted to Sunghoon, his gaze filled with disapproval. Sunghoon smiled at him. “I’ll call.”

“Piss off.” Sunghoon barely resisted from swatting Jake on the head. “There’s nothing wrong with my chicken.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Great. I can answer the door.”

“Aren’t you brave,” Jake muttered under his breath and honestly? He was.

“Maybe I’ll see this handsome delivery guy.”

“Excuse me?” Jake’s mouth parted in a gasp, his eyebrows drawing together. “Watch your tongue. Think about Jay.”

“Oh, he’s ‘Jay’ now,” Sunghoon murmured, inspecting his nails. “Soon you two will be bonding.”

“Don’t be jealous, but.” Jake held up his finger, a satisfied grin finding its way onto his face. “I’m sure he’ll be very grateful that I’ve got him a boyfriend.” Sunghoon snorted. “He’ll reward me for making that happen, you’ll see.”

“...I don’t like the implications of what you’re saying. Besides, Jungwon deserves credit.”

“Eh?” Jake’s grip tightened around the steering wheel. “I was the final push.”

“But Jungwon was the one telling me to make it official first.” Sunghoon raised his eyes to the roof of the car and Jake protested. “Anyway. Jungwon’s going to…”

Everything went loud.

White.

Lights blurred.

His heart jumped to his throat. His body jolted forward. Something pressed hard across his chest. Pain pierced his neck. 

He thought he heard glass shattering. He couldn’t breathe. 

He didn’t see a thing. 

Blackness devoured the world before him…

…and then the consciousness crept back in. 

When he opened his eyes again, he opened them to pain and a blur of colours.

He blinked a few times, trying to focus, trying to understand but there was a noise in his head and it didn’t stop.

It hurt. Everything hurt.

Blood rushed to his face and head. It felt heavy, his head. He tried to sit up but realised he couldn’t. His vision was fuzzy, the world strangely distorted, twisted, different. Something wasn’t right.

Gravity tugged him in the wrong direction, his shoulders pressing uncomfortably about something and, and he couldn’t breathe. His legs felt heavy, one of them burning in pain. 

His mouth opened, pain piercing through his body, lighting up like thousands of little fireflies. His eyes darted to the side, his head light.

The seat next to him was empty. The steering wheel twisted. Where was…?

Sunghoon’s hands were slick as he tried to unhook the seat belt. 

It didn’t move. He tried again, the roar of blood filling his ears more and more.

No. Fuck, fuck, he couldn’t be… trapped in here, not in… In that fucking metal coffin, he…

…had to breathe. Breathe, you fucking idiot or you will…

The seat belt came loose. His body slumped into the crumpled roof beneath him. His head spun, every nerve of his body lit on fire, no, he was…

He was fine. He just had to…

He breathed in the smell of gasoline and blood. He twisted his body, glass crunching beneath his hands as he tried to pull himself up. 

The door. Was it…

He reached his hand to the handle, his fingers shaking, vision blurring again. He had to… hurry. Faster, you idiot. 

No, it was… It was stuck. It wasn’t going to open and the… 

The cold air was rushing in from the broken window from Jake’s side. Yes, he could use that, he could… He could use it, he…

Where was he? Where was Jake?

Sunghoon twisted his body again, the pain blinding him but he didn’t stop. He moved towards the side window, crawling, he always crawled like a nothing. He pushed his forearm against the shreds of the glass, once, twice, until most of them snapped.

Inch by inch, he pulled himself through it, a scream tearing itself out of his throat.

So he thought. He didn’t hear it.

He fell onto the concrete. It was wet, he felt cold rain on his head, on his face. He tried to push himself up but he couldn’t, so he dragged himself forward, confused, looking around.

What happened? 

Someone was screaming. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t Jake. Fuck, it wasn’t Jake.

Where was Jake?

He put the distance between himself and Jake’s car. Slowly, his eyes fixated ahead. He had to move away. Just to be sure.

They crashed. How did they crash? They were just… just talking and then…

The rain was pouring down. A small flicker of orange crept up from under the hood. Sunghoon didn’t stay watch it burn.

There was someone in front of him. A figure. Two. He couldn’t hear anything.

His gaze was on the level with the concrete. He spotted him as soon as he turned his head to the road.

Jake was lying a couple of metres from the car, on his back. A tall figure rose from him, dressed in black.

Sunghoon recognised the black hair, pale face, and red-rimmed eyes.

Jake, he thought because he couldn’t speak. Jake, Jake, Jake. He came for us.

No. No. He was supposed to be dead. 

Maybe he said something in the end. He didn’t know, but with every second he was closer to Jake. Each breath wasn’t enough but it didn’t matter. He was closer and Jake wasn’t moving.

Sunghoon’s eyes met the vampire’s eyes when he was so close to Jake and so close to him. Soobin’s teeth were bared, his shirt sprayed red.

Red. 

It didn’t matter. He wasn’t there. It wasn’t about him.

Soobin charged at him, his eyes wild, black hair sticking to his face. Sunghoon had his eyes fixated on Jake—he wasn’t moving, not even… He wasn’t moving and Sunghoon was so close to him and yet, he was so far and Soobin wanted to push him away—

Someone jumped before him and Jake, pink hair blurred. Sunghoon was so close. He was panting for breath, his eyes focused on Jake. Jake’s eyes were closed.

“No. Not him.”

Sunghoon ignored them. His hand clasped Jake’s forearm. He got him.

Relief washed over his body. He got him. He was fine. Sunghoon got him.

“No! Think about what will happen if he dies—”

Sunghoon’s eyes roamed over Jake’s face. His eyes were closed. His chest… His chest…

He couldn’t breathe.

“My brother’s dead!” Soobin roared in Yeonjun’s face. “He’s dead, you worthless whore—”

“Not because of him—”

There was… rain. All over him. It was rain. It was rain.

Sunghoon’s hands were shaking. His elbows skinned. Where was his phone?

In his hands. It was working. 911. Okay.

What was the address? Where were they? 

Yes. They were here and they needed help. It was fine.

Sunghoon listened for Jake’s breath. It tickled his ear. He was breathing.

Yeonjun moved. Let him move, of course. It wasn’t important. He could go away, Sunghoon wouldn’t care.

Soobin went quiet. They stopped screaming at each other. Good, because that way Sunghoon could hear Jake’s… 

“Sunghoon.” 

Sunghoon shushed Jay, pressing his hand to Jake’s chest. Jake shifted. Rain welled between Sunghoon’s fingers. 

“I called 911,” Sunghoon said. Or at least, he hoped he’d told Jay that. Jay was kneeling next to them, on the other side of Jake, his eyes blown wide, and something red smeared on his face.

Sunghoon didn’t know what Jay was doing here but oh, he was stripping himself off his jacket.

Everything was going to be fine. Fine, fine.

“Jake.” Sunghoon breathed in and out, welcoming the pain. 

Jake’s face was pale, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth. His eyebrows twitched when Sunghoon moved. 

“Sunghoon.” Jay’s voice cracked. 

“Shh.” Sunghoon placed his hand on Jake’s limp hand.

He was so cold. 

Sunghoon pulled Jay’s jacket over him. They needed to… shield him from the rain. 

“I called 911,” he repeated.

“Sunghoon,” Jay repeated, his voice as hoarse as it was seconds ago. “He’s not going to make it.”

Sunghoon nodded. Jay had no idea what he was talking about. “It’s not the first time,” Sunghoon muttered. “Not the first time he’s got hurt.”

Jake’s eyes fluttered open. Sunghoon wasn’t sure if Jake saw him. His eyes were unfocused, Jake’s mouth parting. Sunghoon held his head so he wouldn’t choke on his blood.

God. 

Not going to make it. Not going to make it.

God. No. No.

Sunghoon’s eyes flickered to Jay’s chest. His own heart was beating heavily. He pushed his panic back. 

But steadily. Slowly. It was going to be okay.

Jake was breathing slower. 

“You have to help him.” Sunghoon realised. He heard his own voice echo in his head. Calm. Levelled. “Jay. You have to help him.”

Jay stared at him as if he didn’t understand. Rain streamed down his face. Sunghoon felt the heat of fire behind his back.

“Bite him.” Sunghoon didn’t understand why he had to explain it to Jay. He was the vampire.

Jay could be right. The ambulance could not make it. Jake… Jake needed help. He needed Jay’s help. They couldn’t risk it. Sunghoon couldn’t risk it.

Sunghoon wasn’t going to lose him. Not today, not ever.

“I can’t,” Jay said, staring down at Jake, and Sunghoon didn’t understand.

Jake coughed wetly.

“You can’t let him die.” Sunghoon looked at Jay. He was blurred, blurred by the rain. Jay was lost, his eyes darting to Jake and to him, to Jake and to him. “Don’t let him die. You can’t.”

Jake mumbled something, his hand falling onto Jay’s wrist.

Sunghoon looked at him, at his pale face. Jake looked at him, too, just for a second. 

“Jake.” Sunghoon wiped the blood off his mouth. “It’s going to be okay. Okay? Everything will be okay.”

Jake’s eyes fluttered shut.

“I’m sorry,” Jay murmured frantically. “I can’t.”

“You can. Jay.” Suddenly, the concrete was much closer to him and he didn’t know… Didn’t know how it was possible. Why couldn’t he hold himself up? “Jay,” Sunghoon gritted out, his world blurring. “Please.”

Thank God, Jay was holding up Jake’s head. Sunghoon thought he dropped it when he…

“I can’t,” Jay repeated and Sunghoon wanted to scream but he was slipping. He… He was slipping, all of him, the world in front of him, peeling off. “I can’t.”

He was slipping from between his fingers. He was growing weaker. 

Jake’s head was too heavy for him to hold. Sunghoon’s arms shook, his head spinning. 

What the fuck did Jay know? Jake had a whole life before him, waiting for him. He wouldn’t throw it away when he could live. 

“Jay,” Sunghoon repeated, his words slurring. His eyes were burning. His heart was burning. “You have to.”

Jay’s mouth moved, his eyes so different, so… 

He fought to stay awake. Jake was limp in his arms. Sunghoon tried to shield him from the rain. He told Jay to help him. He knew how. He knew how.

No. It was going to be fine. It was the rain.

He couldn’t keep his head up.