Work Text:
Everything began with a girl brought to ruins.
Meiling had come to terms with the unthinkable. It was so utterly petrifying when her entire perception of reality warped in such a way. What else could she do but cry?
She had hardly braced herself for impact when it all just clicked. Denial was such a comforting crutch to fall against, but she didn't take that route. She stood firmly on her own two feet and she accepted what was said to her.
But acceptance was not always composed maturity. Sometimes it was unsightly. Ugly. Sometimes nothing could be done but pour out one's emotions like scalding water, unload their pounding heart and submerge beneath the mess.
There was a person that Meiling adored with everything she had.
That person did not love Meiling.
And for her imperfect core, it was enough to snap every seam that held her together and she fell to pieces.
She felt like she would cry until the sun burned out and the moon shattered like glass.
She would cry until every last drop of imperishable magic was leeched from the earth, sea and sky.
She would cry until the girl who had become her anchor no longer cared to hold her.
And if that was the case, then she would just have to cry forever.
Through a flood of tears, she ripped her vocal chords apart.
“I'm so angry!” She wailed, breath broken by wretched sobs.
A pair of warm hands patted down her shoulders and Meiling clung to Daidouji-san's clothes, scared to cry alone, scared to drown.
“No one, no one in the world loves Syaoran more than I do!”
She knew she sounded deranged, she knew. But it wasn't fair! He had been hers for so long. Her future had always been paved with a tangle of uncertain paths but he was always securely intact in her mind. No matter what happened, she never worried that Syaoran wouldn't be right there with her. He promised her.
He promised her, he promised her, he promised her...
“I knew I'd never, ever lose to anyone...why does it have to be this way...?”
She hadn't forgotten. She knew. She knew this had always been a part of the promise.
Unless you find someone else that you....
She bawled even louder, burying herself into Daidouji-san's lap and wishing and wishing to no longer exist.
Her heart hurt so much. He hurt it.
Syaoran...
Syaoran, with his soft, guilty eyes, wasn't built for hurting people. Not in that way.
He had looked at her tonight and spotted his name embroidered into her heart. He must have thought to keep it there would trouble her, so he had reached into her chest and attempted to gently unravel the threads. But it was delicate work and he had fumbling fingers. He wanted to keep her from hurting but all he had done was tear her heart in half.
Meiling had smiled at him as he did so.
She ran. She ran and escaped into the consolation of Daidouji-san and collapsed, left to bleed out her wounds over her anchor's lap.
And no matter how much she cried out to relieve the pain, her chest still ached.
She knew Syaoran wasn't hurting in return. Syaoran probably wasn't thinking about Meiling at all right now, but someone else. Someone lovely and cheerful and brave and...and magical.
Suddenly heated, Meiling pulled herself up. Her fingernails dug into her palms as she looked to Daidouji-san helplessly. She couldn't decide if that sad, silent smile was comforting or isolating.
The words tumbled out of her.
“But what makes me even angrier is how I still can't grow to hate Kinomoto-san!”
She wanted to. It was so much easier to hate blindly than to be selfless in one's heartbreak. Frustrated, Meiling crumbled again as she realized that an easy exit to this would not be available to a girl like her. A girl who didn't have the emotional capacity to truly hate another person.
All of this pain could not be shouldered by anyone else to weaken her own.
She crashed back against Daidouji-san, gripping desperately at her dress.
“I like Kinomoto-san too,” She whimpered. “I understand that she's a really good person.”
And her friend. Her friend, who wouldn't dream of taking anything precious away from her. Not intentionally. If she knew, she would hand Syaoran right back to Meiling with his hair combed and a ribbon around his collar.
But Syaoran's mind was already made up.
“I understand that there's nothing I can do if Syaoran falls in love with Kinomoto-san...”
It stung how kind she was. How much Meiling liked her. How “Sakura” resounded off Syaoran's tongue.
Meiling wasn't stupid. She wasn't irrational. She could see how much sense it all made, Syaoran and Kinomoto-san.
But....
“I understand but crying is something completely different!”
She blacked out, losing any grasp on remaining rationality and devolved into blubbering fragments of inane declarations.
She was dramatic. She was selfish. She wanted stop hurting. She wanted someone else to hurt.
No...no she didn't...
Stupid Syaoran, Stupid Kinomoto-san...
But they weren't stupid. They were so dear to her...
She hated this. She hated this all so much.
“I'm going to cry until my eyes melt away!” She screamed. “I'll cry myself to death so that I'll never have to cry over Syaoran ever again!”
Wading through the meltdown with her, Daidouji-san had barely spoken a word.
At the time, Meiling had been angry. Say something, Daidouji-san. Tell her everything would be alright. Tell her she would never know happiness again. Just tell her something.
But as Meiling sobbed into a silent void, and pieced her feelings together into thoughts and vocalized them, processed them, she couldn't think of a single word of comfort that wouldn't have made her see red. Everything was destroyed, what good were words?
Meiling awoke the next morning with clearer head, a sore throat and a dozing Daidouji-san pressed against her side.
She took a moment to contemplate herself in the aftermath of it all. Her emotions had turned to volcanic rock.
And as she watched the soft breath rise and fall on the other girl's chest, she began to understand what she had needed last night.
She had needed the steady touch of a person who cared about her. She needed the violet eyes that settled over her tear-ravaged face, mourning in solidarity.
She needed that silent but not quite vacant void that Daidouji-san created for her, where she had space to let her feelings cascade, to be acknowledged, without anyone else's words to speak louder than her own.
Daidouji-san had granted her that. And though her heart was still in tatters, she could feel the pull of feeble sutures that had been constructed overnight.
Figures a seamstress had been the one to patch her up. At least to a semi-functional state, as full recovery was something she could only handle alone.
Meiling drew her knees up to rest her chin against. She mused on Daidouji-san for a long while and by the time the other girl stirred, she had sworn herself to a bouquet of promises.
This girl is not to be forgotten. This wise, gentle girl.
You are to remember how she clutched your hands, squeezed tight and whispered “think of me~”
Remember how she held you.
Never forget that fresh burn of pain.
Never allow shiny new romances or rediscovery of self to wash away your gratitude to her.
Never allow time to weaken any affection for her.
If there ever comes a day when tears turn her eyes to glass, you will be there.
You will be there to hold her.
Daidouji-san's lashes fluttered and there were those eyes again, dazed with sleep. She had not yet adjusted to that serenity of hers that exhibited a quiet understanding of complex emotions that kept everything in rotation.
Meiling's breath hitched.
In that fleeting moment, there was none of the Daidouji Tomoyo that Meiling had become accustomed to. That sleepy girl she caught a glance of, was young and bare boned. She was just as lost in this world as anyone else her age. It didn't seem quite so unbelievable that she too was vulnerable to a fragile human heart.
Meiling's skin prickled with an abstract sense of fear.
What if, one day, something did shatter this girl?
Daidouji-san gazed up at Meiling blearily, before she hoisted herself into a sitting position. With that, she summoned all the blossoms, sweethearts and cursive words that she was composed of, to fix a curteous smile.
Everything was perfectly in place again.
But though that sleepy girl had vanished, Meiling had seen her. She was a part of Daidouji-san and Meiling promised to never forgot she was there.
“Good morning, Meiling-chan. I hope you slept well.”
And there was that familiar Daidouji-san who saw everyone in transparency, but did so without any fanfare. Angelic to a fault and so completely untouchable.
Driven by an vague impulse, Meiling reached out and touched her.
Daidouji-san's features flickered in subtle bewilderment as Meiling's knuckles brushed against her cheekbone.
“Maybe you should've played Sleeping Beauty instead of Syaoran, Daidouji-san.” Meiling joked, silently marveling that her face was warm. Not chilled to the touch like one would expect of porcelain.
Daidouji chuckled, a pleasant little 'hm' sound. “Thank you. But I do believe Sakura-chan and Li-kun were destined to be the stars of that show. I was just happy to make them look nice.”
It was such an innocent statement. From an objective standpoint, it was reasonable. Daidouji-san had never shown an interest in acting. Her true passions had always been videography and costume design.
But something about how she said it rubbed Meiling the wrong way. It was something fundamental to Daidouji-san's whole disposition that Meiling couldn't quite articulate, but it bothered her.
There wasn't any time to dwell on it further though. She had a plane to catch and a boy to face.
Meiling accepted the honey tea that Daidouji-san offered her, only to strain her voice again just to thank her. And to thank her, and to thank her, and to thank her...
Daidouji-san, polite as ever, nodded away all her thanks with such a nonchalant air that Meiling felt it again. That vague feeling of something not being right.
Was she annoyed at Daidouji-san? It felt sort of like that. But not quite. There was a little frustration sprinkled in there, but a lot of it was an underlying pang of sadness.
She reached the point of begging her to please understand the extent of everything.
It wasn't like she just helped Meiling with her homework, or let her borrow a dress. She would have been completely lost last night if she hadn't Daidouji-san to go crashing into. She kept her afloat when her emotions threatened to drown her. Meiling would remember the invitation of those open arms for the rest of her life.
But ultimately, Daidouji-san did not seem to get that, so Meiling reluctantly relented.
She left Japan that day with newly developed perception of Daidouji Tomoyo. Meiling was well aware that it was an opinion that nobody else would share, least of all their mutual friends, but she had never been one to tidy up her own beliefs to be palatable to others.
Simply put, Daidouji Tomoyo, for all her maturity, grace and wisdom, was dense.
Meiling was already in the taxi, pressing her temple against the chill of the window to steady her nerves. There was a knot in her stomach and her fingers were fidgety. She knew Syaoran would be meeting her at the airport, even if she didn't wish to see him.
But despite that looming dread, she couldn't quite shake off her lingering thoughts of Daidouji-san. As the mansion disappeared in her wake, she made one final promise to herself.
One day, you are going to get it through that girl's skull. You will tell her of her worth and you will do so until she believes you.