Chapter Text
“Pleaseeee, please, please promise you won’t tell Geto.”
Hanami sighed dramatically as Mahito clung to him and asked him the same question for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes. He glared at Mahito, causing him to scurry away. “Mahito, I swear if you ask me one more time, I will tell Geto so that he shuts you up once and for all.”
The threat of eternal damnation seemed to satisfy Mahito. “Okay great <3” Mahito smiled and edged a bit closer to Hanami. “So you feel confident in using your ability to span such a long distance?”
Hanami nodded calmly. Mahito was incredibly distraught over the misplacement of his beloved science experiment, and even though Hanami still didn’t fully understand why Mahito even entertained aligning himself with a jujutsu sorcerer, his problem had a relatively simple solution. Hanami could use his Roots ability to scout the general area of Mahito’s hideout for the presence of his Narrow Human (Hanami couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the fact that his friend was too lazy and too apathetic to give the cursed thing a better name). Once Narrow Human’s location was determined, he and Mahito would retrieve it. If anyone tried to interfere with their search and rescue mission, Hanami could easily deploy Flower Field to distract the interlopers, or Cursed Bud to attack jujutsu sorcerers.
“This is good practice for October 31st.” Hanami said. “Besides,” he gave his friend a teasing nudge, “it’s hilarious seeing you stressed out due the consequences of your own actions. I’m too invested in seeing how this plays out.”
Mahito rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling in relief. If he was completely honest with himself, he was also eager to embark on any unexpected turns in this adventure. While the best case scenario would be to retrieve Narrow Human before Nanami noticed he was even there, Mahito doubted that was even possible now that several hours had passed since Mahito had loaned him The Dispossessed. What was more likely was that Nanami had discovered Narrow Human and was angry.
Another chance at a fight with Nanami? Mahito’s smile morphed into a manic grin.
Nanami locked his apartment door with an aggravated sigh. He tossed his keys into his briefcase, flinching as they accidentally collided with the tightly sealed Mason jar tasked with containing Mahito’s transfigured human. It let out a shriek as the keys clanged off the side of its glass enclosure.
Nanami quickly smothered the sound by closing his briefcase and making a beeline for the exit. The only way this whole ordeal could get any more embarrassing would be if he had to explain to his neighbors why his briefcase was screaming.
Once he was safely outside, Nanami reached for his cell phone and dialed the number to the phone in Shoko’s lab. Nanami had yet to tell anyone about his new…specimen…but his plan was to take a page out of Mahito’s book and play scientist. He hoped he could turn his stressful predicament into a useful one by consulting with Shoko and Gojo to see if analysis of this transfigured human could help them glean any insights into special grade cursed spirits.
“Hello…Shoko-sensei’s office?” Definitely-Not Shoko’s voice answered nervously on the other end of the line.
Nanami’s eyes nearly rolled back in his head from exasperation. “Itadori,” he said, immediately recognizing the imposter’s voice. “I was unaware you took a job as Shoko’s secretary.”
“Oh, Nanami-sensei!” Itadori’s voice immediately perked up. “Megumi got knocked out sparring with Maki, so I brought him to Shoko. He’s a lot heavier than you would expect, so I had Panda help me carry him. Oh, that’s not important, you asked for Shoko. She’s in the supply closet right now. That’s why I picked up. Do you want me to tell her to call you back when she returns?”
Of course Nanami called during the only time in human history that Itadori was in Shoko’s lab, and Shoko wasn’t. Nanami was starting to wonder if Mahito’s book and wretched bookmark were cursing his entire existence. “No need. I’m on my way to Jujujtsu High right now. I need Shoko’s assistance examining a cursed spirit article; I called to give her a heads up. It can wait until she’s done treating Fushiguro.”
“Oh,” Itadori was not taking the hint to hang up the phone. “Is this related to your mission yesterday? How’s your leg doing, by the way?”
“Actually yes,” Nanami replied. “A transfigured human from that cursed spirit either attached itself to me or followed me; regardless, I was able to trap it and I want to consult Shoko’s expertise.” Nanami flinched inwardly, disturbed at how easily he was becoming accustomed to weaving fibs from tiny threads of truth.
“A transfigured human?! How did you trap it?”
“Oh, it’s very small. It was an easy task,” Nanami made his biggest lie yet, mind flashing back to the exhaustive chase around his apartment.
“Oh, right,” Itadori said before his attention was pulled away by what Nanami could only make out as grumbling in the background. “Sorry, Shoko is very mad at me for using her phone,” Itadori’s voice returned. “I can - ” Itadori was cut off, undoubtedly by a disgruntled Shoko who picked up the receiver with an unamused, “Yes, Nanami?”
Nanami thought he could make out Itadori’s voice profusely apologizing in the background. Nanami reiterated the situation to Shoko, whose interest was immediately piqued at the prospect of having a specimen to analyze that wasn’t a concussed Fushiguro.
As he neared Jujutsu High, he felt the transfigured human rustle in its container. Instinctively, Nanami reached for his axe…which wasn’t tucked under his coat like it normally was. Of course he forgot it at his apartment. His brain must have short circuited and thought that the additional cursed item he was carrying would suffice for the weapon he normally brought everywhere.
“Shoko, I’m so sorry, but I forgot my blade at my apartment. Do you mind waiting a bit longer? I’m going to turn around and get it, and then head straight to your lab.”
Shoko seemed a bit disappointed that her excuse to divert her attention from Dumb and Dumber (i.e. Fushiguro and Itadori) would be delayed, but nothing more. Nanami turned on his heel and retraced his steps back to his apartment, transfigured human bouncing along in his briefcase.
“Nice place,” Mahito leaned his head back to admire the modest apartment complex, hands nonchalantly placed in his back pockets. “I can’t believe you found the location so quickly, Hanami.”
“I can,” Hanami replied from the shadows cast by a large tree, not as confident as Mahito that Nanami didn’t have any shaman neighbors that could sense their presence. “Considering your transfigured humans aren’t nearly as mobile as we are, there were only so many places it could be.”
Mahito hummed in agreement and slinked closer towards the building. “Alright, I’ll shimmy my way in, and then I’ll open the window for you once I’m inside, okay?”
Hanami nodded and recessed further into the garden shadows as he watched Mahito compress himself into a long, noodle-like shape that ascended the side of the building and slipped through a crack underneath what was presumably Nanami’s window. Moments later, the window flew open. Mahito unfurled himself back into his regular shape and beckoned his confidant inside.
Nanami had left his apartment with a sigh and he was returning not even thirty minutes later with an even greater sigh. Muttering to himself, he slipped his key into the deadbolt and unlocked the door, tossing his briefcase onto the shoe bench beside the door without so much as a second glance.
Rather than creating the sound of leather hitting fabric, the sound that echoed back was that of the briefcase being caught by a pair of hands. Bewildered, Nanami whipped around and took a staggering step back as he locked eyes with the only other member of his newly founded book club.
Mahito giggled, twirling Nanami’s axe around by the hilt. “Forgetting something, Nanami?”