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Nikolai knew he was having a nightmare. He knew because he could feel that he didn’t have control. He didn’t know what was happening at the moment or what was going to happen because he hadn’t expected this. Not at all.
He tried to wake up and pull himself out. Desperate to get out. But he could feel himself sinking deeper and deeper until he couldn’t tell what was real anymore. MC, who had been sleeping in his arms only a moment before, faded away. The comfort of their room merged into a new scene and Nikolai was powerless to stop it.
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Him and MC were doing a heist as Mr. and Mrs. Edwards. It was simple. Smooth talk the old couple, distract them long enough to steal a necklace, and make a calm exit before they even knew they had been played.
Except, it hadn’t gone that way.
It had gone very, very wrong.
They had been making small talk with the man, using flattery and, of course, the man started to melt like butter. Just like they wanted him to.
It had been going well up until he had told one of his servers to fetch one of his finest red wines out of the cellar and bring it to the table. MC could feel Nikolai tense, so she clutched his hand tight to soothe him however she could. It wasn’t working very well.
The server returned with the bottle. He uncorked it and started to poor the red wine into MC’s glass. Nikolai was clutching her hand so tight it was borderline painful at this point. He was hyperventilating, his face a mask of terror as he looked at the glass.
“Are you all right, Mr. Edwards?” the old man asked.
Nikolai didn’t seem to hear him.
MC made a hasty reply. “Oh. He’s fine. I just think he has had too much to drink is all.”
She pinched Nikolai on the arm gently. He jerked, focusing back on the present and not on the nightmare that was his past. He lifted his head and quickly agreed with whatever MC had come up with to cover for him.
“Mrs. Edwards, you will at least taste the wine won’t you? I had it specially made some years ago,” his tone didn’t imply that he was suggesting. More like he was demanding that she drink. It wasn’t like she could refuse, not if she wanted to avoid raising suspicion.
MC guiltily locked eyes with Nikolai, silently telling him that she would be alright. She saw him clench his jaw ever so slightly, but he jerked his head once in an affirmative nod.
She turned back to the rest of the table and gave them a forced smile of ease as she lifted the glass to her lips. It smelled horrible, not like red wine was supposed to smell. Fear shot up her spine but it wasn’t like she could turn back now.
Nikolai watched stonily, horror flooding his mind and heart. He watched her take a sip and swallow with held breath. It was silent and, for just a moment, Nikolai thought that he could relax. But his heart went in to overdrive and his breath whooshed out of him before it even actually happened.
MC started to cough violently, blood dribbling out of the side of her mouth. She was able to cast one terrified look his way before her eyes rolled in to the back of her head and she slumped out of her chair sideways and on to the floor with a hard thud.
Nikolai was out of his own chair fast as lightening, kneeling down beside her while she started to shake uncontrollably with violent spasms. He was trying to get her to empty her stomach by sticking his fingers down her throat but her teeth were clenched so tightly he couldn’t pry her jaws open.
Raucous laughter made his head jerk up. The men and women at the table all had their heads thrown back, laughing loudly at the scene in front of them.
"You didn’t really think that you could keep her safe from your past forever, did you Nikolai?”
“This would have never happened if you had let her go and walked away!”
“This is what your presence in her life will bring her, Nikolai. Do you want that?”
Harsh and brutal truths filled his ears and mind. His heart was beating uncontrollably, his body covered in sweat. His voice was hoarse from screaming for help. And all the while, MC’s breathing was slowing, her heart following suit.
“No. No no no no no. Stay with me, MC. MC! Do you hear me? Stay with me!” Nikolai was shaking her, trying to get her to open her eyes once more. The effort was futile, however, as she took one last breath.
And then she was still.
“NO!”
Nikolai’s cry of denial rang throughout the room as it blended with the sounds of the other guests laughter.
He was looking at her face, hating himself for what he let happen to her. Hating himself for letting her take him back. Why did he have to be so senseless when it came to her? Why couldn’t he keep her safe?
He was about to lift her in his arms when her eyes opened.
She looked at him with cold, hateful eyes as she muttered the last words he ever wanted to hear come from her.
“This is your fault,” she said. "Why did you do this to me when you knew the risks, Nikolai? I knew I should have just told you that I hated you. At least I would still be alive if I had!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”
“Sorry won’t bring me back, Nikolai. You killed me. Just like you killed your family!”
“No!”
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“No!”
Nikolai jerked upright in his bed, still trapped in that nightmare.
MC also jerked awake, looking around for any signs of danger. When she didn’t spot any immediate threat, she turned to Nikolai in question.
“What happened?” She murmured sleepily.
“Nothing,” he said between labored breaths. He couldn’t even look at her, not with the memory of her hate filled eyes still in his mind. "Just a nightmare. I’ll be alright, I just need some fresh air.”
She watched him dress, looking at him suspiciously. Something was wrong, very wrong. He was shaking and covered in a layer of sweat that shone on his chest. He was breathing heavy with a pained look on his face that she wanted to kiss away.
She knew that she had to give him space though. He would talk to her when he was ready. She just hoped that it was soon.
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The next day, they were all sitting outside of a cafe. Soaking up the sunshine and the sound of busy people walking around. The Poppy were eating delicious food and nursing drinks, just having a good time.
Except for Nikolai, who had begrudgingly agreed to accompany them. He had been grumpy and closed off all day and it was making MC and Remy worried.
MC ordered another glass of white wine when the waiter passed. She felt like she was gonna need some liquid courage if she was going to talk to Nikolai about what was wrong.
She was so busy watching him, that she hadn’t even realized that her order was wrong until it was too late.
Nikolai’s hand shot out as she absentmindedly brought the glass to her lips, making her gasp as the glass went shattering on the ground. It made a bit more sense when she saw red pooling on the ground instead of what should have been clear liquid against the dark road.
She looked at him with an apology already forming on her lips when she noticed that he was running from the table. Remy started to go after him when she laid a hand on his shoulder and gave him a look that said that she would handle it. He offered her a nod of acknowledgement before she headed off in the same direction Nikolai had gone off to.
She found him on the bridge, as she knew she would. Ever since they had met it had become a sort of safe place for him, he had told her once. She just hoped that he was feeling some of that safety and comfort right now.
She walked up to him slowly. By the way that she saw his body tense, he knew that she was there. She stood next to him, not touching, but there if he needed her.
“Are you going to tell me about it?”
Nikolai shook his head violently, not wanting to admit that he was afraid. He was supposed to be the strong one, so he could keep her safe.
“Alright,” she sighed quietly. They stood there, not keeping track of time. MC could see that he was slowly starting to relax, letting go of his tension.
"I had a nightmare last night,” he said finally.
She turned to him, laying a hand on his shoulder in silent support.
"We were doing a heist. It was supposed to be so simple. So simple. But it went so wrong and I…I couldn’t-” he started to take harsh breaths so she pulled him to her and held him.
He took a deep breath and pulled his head away from her shoulder. “You died,” he said softly, looking in to her eyes.
MC nodded softly in understanding. No wonder he had been acting so jumpy. He just wanted to keep her safe.
"You blamed me. Blamed me for keeping you in danger. For not protecting you better. You-” he cut off abruptly, not wanting to say it out loud. Here she was, looking at him with love and trust in her eyes and all he could think about were her hateful eyes from his nightmare.
“I, what?” She asked softly, rubbing her hands up and down his arms in silent encouragement.
“You said that you hated me.”
Her eyes widened with disbelief. Is that what he thought she would think if something were to happen to her?
She tugged him towards her, his head resting in the crook of her neck. She started whispering sweet nothings in his ears as he shook with silent emotion.
After he had stilled, she pulled his face up towards hers and looked him straight in his eyes. She tried to pour all of her love and affection into her gaze so he would see that his nightmare could never become a reality.
“I love you, Nikolai. More than anything. And nothing, nothing, could ever change that. I know that you will keep me safe. I trust you.”
He was looking at her, searching her gaze for any trace of untruth. When he found none, he relaxed and allowed a slight smile to grace his face. She put her hands on his cheeks and guided him down for kiss, pouring all of her love in to it.
They stood there for an immeasurable amount of time, sharing kisses and confessions of their love to each other. They watched the sun set, holding each other close as the last of the light faded below the horizon.
He looked down at her and he knew. He knew that she loved him, come hell or high water. He would still have his doubts in the future, nightmares that would plague his mind. But he knew that she would be there to ease his fears. Always. And he loved her all the more for it.