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Dad,
It’s my first night here. I can’t sleep. The Cathedral is silent but the outside is noisy. The humming of the streets is the closest I can think of home. Still, even the exterior humming is different. I’m just too used to our old place. Alone or not, I’ve always been there.
Everyone’s wounds are still too fresh, both physical and psychological.
They think Haijima may come after me again and they are right, they always do, this was just the worst result of them all. They are keeping me here for now, or while I’d like to stay, it was an invitation, when I accepted I acted all collected in front of them but I was half stunned. Lis was gone, Yuu was at the hospital, and everything was broken. I was broken. I am.
I still believe what you both had taught me, there’s nothing in the world that can’t be fixed, but right now I also feel like a broken machine with missing bolts. I know what’s wrong; I just don’t have the parts I need to fix it.
I already miss going outside to talk to you, gaze at our own valley of junk and creations, giving you your favourite can of soda. I already know I’ll be able to keep creating whatever I want here, not just because they couldn’t stop me but because I can see they wouldn’t, Shinra said so as well, I’ll be as free as I want here, but what I’m missing I’m not sure they can provide.
The Captain and the Lieutenant in charge gave me a room, showed me the place around, invited me to check out whatever equipment or tools they had and told me to ask for whatever I may need or want if couldn’t find it, they even repeated once or twice that I shouldn’t feel forced to work with them if I didn’t feel like it, that this was just my home now.
They introduced me to the whole squad, not many that I hadn’t met at that point really, they were all very polite, Soldier Maki made a joke about the rookies of the team offending me, and although I was the one that was rude to them from the beginning she laughed it off while having both under arm-locks. Tamaki was other of the members I’ve never seen before, when she came to tell us dinner was ready she looked at me and her smile was soft, like she wanted to give me condolences but wasn’t sure they were due. They aren’t, I don’t want pity, I want solutions. I want Lisa back and Yuu out of hospital. I want my family again.
I can see these are nice people, I know I can get along with them, I can see it in Shinra’s trust, in the hopeful way he talks about them, like he wants us to get along, he wants to make me part of this place, but will it ever be a home?
I wish I could talk to you and gramps like we used to. I wish I could at least talk to you both like I used to, I wish things were different. I wish they were like just one mere day ago.
I wish I could sleep and let this world go for a bit.
_
Grandpa,
It’s my second night here, after yesterday’s letter I slept little and poorly. When I woke up I could already feel it was probably too late for breakfast, at least by these people standards. I was right, when I walked the empty hallway to the kitchen I didn’t came across any of the other inhabitants of this place, I imagine they were already doing whatever a Fire Force squad is supposed to do.
In the kitchen there was a covered plate with a note saying I should warm it up and have some breakfast, I couldn’t recognize the handwriting of course, but after last night dinner it looked like the kind of thing the lieutenant would do, making sure everyone had enough to eat. Their microwave seemed ancient, so in thanks I upgraded it to pass the time.
I didn’t get near the side of the cathedral where they said their office was so I didn’t see anyone until closer to lunch. The Lieutenant found me checking out their gear and apparently thought nothing of it, like I have always been here. It was, in a weird way, kind of welcoming. When I asked he confirmed it was him the one taking care of the matchbox, it is in really good shape actually, I even joked that they didn’t really need an engineer after all. He thanked me for checking out their gear and told me I was free to help him if I ever wanted, without feeling forced to be their engineer, of course; just like his superior the previous night had said, they liked me to join them but even if I didn’t I will always have a place here to feel safe.
Then he added something I didn’t expect: he said that if I wasn’t feeling okay I should tell someone; that if I didn’t feel comfortable with him it could be the captain. He told me company 8 was a family, he explained he understood I had my own but this was his family, their family, and they both wanted me to trust them like they trusted everyone that was part of it.
I have only trusted Lisa and Yuu for a while now, so I just nodded and said I understood, couldn’t think what else to add. He nodded back and didn’t push for anything else, just told me lunch would be served in a bit so I should wash up and go to the table when I was ready.
Lunch was more or less like yesterday’s dinner, the captain was right when he said it was always a bit like that. Apparently today’s food was made by the girls of the company, the captain praised them and they kindly congratulated one another for the different dishes, all of them agreeing their food was still not as good as their lieutenant’s. Shinra and Arthur fought still over food and moved incredibly in sync for people that assured over and over had nothing in common. The captain laughed when the lieutenant scolded them with a bit more gumption than he did last night. Or maybe he was just scarier.
When the captain looked at me and asked me if everything was okay I nodded and told him I was thinking of going back to our house, ‘pick some stuff up’ I said, if there was anything I could save from my old life I wanted to have it, but mostly I wanted to talk to you again.
Captain Obi just smiled softly as if he understood whatever I left unsaid, he nodded and told me to bring Shinra and Arthur just in case I needed any help or someone was still lingering. When I turned to them they were also smiling casually at me. Still, when we got home they waited far enough to give me space without even needing to ask.
So yeah, I already talked with you today to be writing you once more, and I don’t have much else to add, but is late and I still can’t sleep very well here. I’m not regretting what I said about breaking my promise though, it’s true I still feel a bit like a spare piece of a complete machine instead of a member of this company, but maybe they are worth trying to trust again.
_
Dad,
After yesterday I have to admit that while my sleep was still brief it was a bit better. Although I did wake up earlier I was again too late for breakfast, but I found soldier Maki there making some coffee, she greeted me with a smile and asked me if I wanted some, I nodded and saw her grabbing a second cup while putting a plate like the one from the previous morning into the microwave. She casually thanked me for that, apparently having someone twitching things without asking isn’t really a bother for these people if it is for the better. She did seem a bit impressed and kept a light chat about whatever she had learned about machinery while training as a soldier, asking more than adding knowledge herself.
When my breakfast was ready she sat with me before asking if I minded, like she noticed a little too late chatting with me over a cup of coffee wasn’t part of her usual routine. I told her that kitchen was more hers than mine, but that in any case it really didn’t bother me if she wanted to stay. She didn’t particularly looked like she enjoyed my comment but I was still too tired to hear once again the whole feeling welcomed speech, even if it came with the best intentions, so instead I asked her what was everyone else doing to change the subject.
Apparently today was cleaning day, so everyone had been up extra early to get ready and get it out of their way as soon as they could. Cleaning the kitchen was her responsibility, so she was just enjoying some coffee now she was done. I imagine not knowing about today’s activities was still part of the special treatment to the grieving new guy. I didn’t like it, but I also don’t mind not cleaning for once. Besides, she ended up confessing she had heard me coming and assumed I could use some morning coffee. She was right but also she was thoughtful, so I let the kid gloves be for this time. It also didn’t seem like she was actually trying to be condescending, none of them actually are. It just seems like being caring and thoughtful is kind of the thing with these people, it’s me the one that isn’t used to it.
Our conversation was cut short when the other soldier, Tamaki, came running screaming my name. She reached us with a huge smile and a ‘there you are’ that sounded as if I always did this to her. She said she came with great news, and they were: Yuu was already awake, and I was allowed to visit this afternoon, both girls were so happy, like it was their friend the one that was getting better. In the excitement I may have promised to bring Yuu over to meet them when he was out, I guess he can enjoy a little fan club after working with me for so long, he was always more of a people person than I was anyways.
To spend my time while waiting to see Yuu I checked what I had brought from home the day before and tried to redecorate a bit around my shop (I still don’t like the term ‘working space’ so shop will do for now); most things were half broken but I still took everything the matchbox could carry, and once again, no one seemed to mind, Shinra and Arthur even helped me getting all both in and out of the vehicle. I did bring some parts to make Arthur’s steed, he seemed pretty attached to it. The captain had also said I could tweak anything I wanted if it made it easier for me to work, so I kind of took it to heart and put one big horned skull over the cross hanging over the garage door. I thought it looked cool but Shinra was actually worried I was putting something like that over a cross of the holy temple, not that anyone here looked especially devoted, well except for Sister Iris, but I bet I can distract her with some buttons if the need ever arise.
Yuu is doing well, a little restless knowing he has to stay in bed all day but he’s way tougher that people give him credit for. I told him I’ll help with the bedrest and about Company 8 and he kind of made me promise to introduced him to all of them whenever he could move, he called them ‘their saviours’ the rest of the day, it was kind of endearing.
I left to see Yuu before I could hear the other’s opinion on my bit of extra flare, but according to Shinra I was right, Sister Iris didn’t seem to mind and Captain Obi actually thought it was quite fitting for the Misfits of the Fire Force. I think you’d like Captain Obi. I think you’d like all of them. They are a big clog in Haijima’s murder machine and seem quite proud of it. Just like we were.
_
Grampa,
I still couldn’t have a proper night of sleep, but on the good side I was finally up on time for breakfast. Shinra and Arthur were in charge, with Maki’s supervision; apparently they knew how to cook just fine but weren’t allowed alone in the kitchen since they started a fight that ended with a burned pan and the quick fix of ‘doing the eggs in the microwave’ and you can imagine how that ended. Perhaps that’s the explanation for their terrible microwave.
Breakfast was slightly quieter than other meals, maybe because it was the first, maybe no one was really a morning person, except for the captain and the lieutenant, the first just looks like a morning person and the second… Well, I’m not sure he likes mornings but I bet he wakes up at dawn with everything he seems to do in here. He did used the quiet meal to thank me for the hat I made for him (he likes hats, I had an old hat that said ‘Moosifer’ so I had to add horns to it, I just had to), Shinra told me he knocked down a lot of papers and files with it so they put it on Sil Burro instead (Arthur also thanked me quite stoically about ‘bringing his celestial equine miraculously back to life’ and yes, he does talk like that sometimes).
Maybe the silent breakfast actually had to do with the fact that Shinra and Arthur were going to another company for some special training. They seemed pretty serious about it but also pretty exited so I guess it could have been that. They were a little sad about leaving the cats behind though.
Ah, I’ve been feeding the stray cats and dogs around the cathedral with whatever I didn’t eat from my breakfast just like we used to do at home. Not that I was trying to get all those animals to Company 8 honestly, I just… Left food for one and the rest came I guess. You can both imagine I did not think it through a lot, really. Not that anyone at this place seemed to care that much.
I think they are all kind of in love with these pets coming to visit us, before Shinra and Arthur left they actually waited to see if any of our usual visitors showed up and pet a few that did make an appearance. Arthur was almost tearing up not wanting to leave ‘the feline round table’ all alone (I think he named half of them as knights? I’m not sure, that kid is crazy but kind of in a good way, really). Of course this ended up with Tamaki promising she’ll make sure they were all okay (she really fell right in with the cats), Iris assuring both cats and dogs were friends just like Shinra and Arthur were (which made Shinra scoff, but I don’t think he has the heart to answer back to the sister) and Maki naming every other animal Arthur had not given a name to yet. Even the guy from Haijima appeared spurting facts while teaching a little dog to sit.
When it was time to go Captain Obi told both boys to go into matchbox to drop them outside this other company they were going saying they were going to be late, but when I looked at him he was actually holding what looked like a puppy in front of Lieutenant Hinawa’s face (who was actually holding it’s paw like he was greeting the little dude, it was kind of hilarious).
I admit that at some point, at least for a second, I thought the moment they noticed they might say something about it, or ask me to stop. I mean Lieutenant Hinawa did say they could not be let inside or stay at the garage’s door where the matchbox was parked because it could be dangerous and they did not belong to us, but I also saw him leaving some extra rice outside once.
I should have seen it coming from a Company made of strays really… They took me in after all.
_
Dad,
So, yesterday something happened after dinner. I usually write to you at night, after the whole day is over and I’m already having some trouble sleeping, but yesterday I wrote before dinner was served (I guess I was excited to tell you about the new animals I was meeting? Or just the fact that they all liked them) and then something happened and forgot to tell you about (or maybe I was excited to try it).
After we had dinner (a bit quieter, considering Shinra and Arthur weren’t back yet) I got up and cleaned the table. It was the least I could do considering everything these people have done for me, right? Besides, I prefer to be included for the list of daily chores than treated like a traumatized kid forever. I know they just want to give me space but at this point even cleaning the table was better than special treatment to be honest.
Once I was done doing the dishes and ready to go back to my little new projects (I can’t let Shinra and Arthur being the only ones stepping up their game) Captain Obi stopped me with an old gramophone and some old records in hand. He told me the Lieutenant was worried I wasn’t getting enough sleep or properly resting (which was true, but I’d never said) and that Shinra apparently had told him at some point that they were being too silent around me. He also said that on my first night here I told him I was used to some noise having grown up in a machine shop, so he thought some music might help me sleep better. Although he did ask me not to play it very loudly considering everyone else would be sleeping too.
It’s still not the same as being home, I’m not sure it’s even close, but… I did sleep better. And most of the night too.
I’m actually waiting for breakfast to be ready, Obi is in charge today so he did already ask and I did already thank him.
When he smiled at me and told me he’ll come find me when the food was ready I couldn’t help but asked him how did Hinawa even know I wasn’t sleeping well. He literally just cackled and told me I should get used to it, apparently ‘Hinawa always knows everything’.
I had to smile back. An ominous answer and laughing at me was really something you would have done. Now they sound as weird as a family as we did.
_
Grampa,
It’s already night, I spent the day working on some magnetic extinguishers and some new additions for Maki (she has named her fireballs like she did with the stays, she treats them like they are their friends, it’s strangely cute). I do think I’ll be finally able to sleep better, considering I now have the company of rock and roll. Shinra and Arthur will be back soon but in the meantime today I was finally properly included in the list of everyday chores. It does feel kind of lame and pathetic that this is my news of the day, but it kind of makes me feel included in a weird (boring) way (though I did not say that to Hinawa, or course).
I do have some extra news; this might be the last time I write to you.
Today, after showing Obi, Hinawa and Maki my progress, the Captain lingered behind and asked to talk to me (he did say I didn’t need to stop working either so I didn’t think it was that important). He thanked me for accepting to stay and work with them (did you notice how they always say ‘with them’ and not ‘for them’? I mean they had said it so many times during the first few days that at some point I noticed, it sounds silly but it’s kind of nice actually), and told me I will always have a place at Company 8 no matter what. None of these was really that new, but then he told me he had (and I quote) “a little welcoming present if you will” and that caught my attention. When I looked up he was holding two little plants. Small, not much more than a few leaves each.
He told me he wanted to offer them earlier but some plants take some time to adapt to their new pots, so he had to wait to make sure they were ready before he gave them to me. He also said he heard (probably from Shinra Arthur or Iris, although he didn’t tell) that I used to talk to you two when I was home, and, of course, that was one of the things that had to be left behind, so he thought that maybe, if I’d like, I could talk to these little pots of dirt and leaves just like I did to you. Apparently plants are good listeners, he said, and flora does tend to go hand in hand with fauna, so he thought I might like the company.
He explain this particular plants did not need a lot of attention, but that he was willing to check on them regularly if I wanted to keep them somewhere near me, but then he said that if I didn’t want them he could take them back and I could just visit them whenever I felt like it, if I ever did. I took them right away, how could I not, right?
It’s been what? Four days? And these people still surprise me. I mean, this man is actually a captain from a Fire Force squad. Can you believe it? Can you believe the whole of Company 8? Could you ever have imagined this could be happening inside such a corrupt system? Even as a den of outcast they still surprise me with their own weird brand of kindness.
But they do make you think there’s truly nothing in the world that can’t be fixed.
So I guess this is goodbye, but also hello.