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Chapter one
The feeling of a cool hand on my back causes me to take in a breath as I realize it’s just Meg and I try to relax. We’re outside of the bar,sitting on a bench,and I’m having an anxiety attack. I ran into someone tonight,someone I was hoping I’d never run into again, I hadn’t seen him in years,but it was the guy who raped me back in high school. I hadn’t seen him in six years,not since I was 16,but seeing him brought me back there,brought back memories of that vulnerable defiled teenage boy that I was. She knows,I told her a long time ago,I had to,but it didn’t make standing there any easier as he acted like he was my buddy,to her,to our group of friends,he even had the nerve to introduce himself as my old friend from high school. I kept it together,until he left,but then I started panicking,and I had her bring me outside for some air,to help calm me down. “Easy babe,just breathe Jack,in and out”she says softly rubbing my back,keeping me grounded.
I finally calm down,tears staining my cheeks,I don’t need to be tough in front of her,I can admit I’m scared,I’m fucked up,I’m sensitive,I’m everything in between. “Shit,I never thought I’d have to see him again Meg,I’ve tucked that part of my life away”I murmur carding a hand through my hair,I’m shaking. Seeing him again,shook me,shook me to my core,maybe he’s changed,but I doubt it,I really doubt it. “I know babe,we’ll keep you safe I promise,he’s not going to hurt you again,I won’t let him,I’m here no matter what”she says softly as I quietly sob. This stuff is fucked up,I tucked it away a long time ago,figured I’d mostly gotten over it,in some ways I have,but other ways I haven’t. It was a messed up time,I wasn’t doing well emotionally,in some ways I was depressed,I hid it well,everyone thought I was fine. Then I met him,which is where things get awful,we started seeing each other secretly,knowing our families would disapprove,we were young and expirementing,and he was an abusive asshole,more emotionally than physical,but when he was physical he left bruises where they wouldn’t be seen.
He took things too far one night,way too far,we were in his room,alone,no one else was around,his parents were out of town. We started to make out,then he decided he wanted more than that,and he was stronger than me,and older by about a year. He took advantage of the fact I was vulnerable.I told him no,but it didn’t matter,he did it anyways. It was bad,he finally got tired,and fell asleep,then I escaped. I went home,and didn’t say anything about what happened for several days,but Julie found out,after seeing me with my shirt off,and seeing all the bruises. I broke down,admitted to what happened,and she got Mom. I told Mom,who believed me,thankfully,and she took me to the doctor the next day to get checked out. Dad has never known the truth,I didn’t want to tell him,and Mom respected that,we just told him I got beat up,and left it at that. We reported him,to the cops for assault,and abuse,but it never really went anywhere,he was a juvenile,he went to juvie for a year and then got out,went to college,like nothing happened.
I dealt with it my own way,it was hard for awhile,but Mom and Julie were there,to support me,help me through it. I got over it for the most part,but seeing him tonight,changed things,it brought back everything I thought I had packed away. “I got you babe,I’m here,I think it’s time we get you out of here,get you home alright”she says softly hugging me,placing a cool hand on my cheek,wiping away stray tears. “OK Meg,I trust you”I murmur as she wraps an arm around my shoulders,and we move to stand up. It’s fucking freezing out here,I left my coat inside,in my hurry to get out,get away from him,and I don’t want to go back in. “I left my coat inside “I mumur tearfully,shivering,cold. “OK babe,I need to go in and get my purse and coat,I’ll grab it,I know you don’t want to go back in,you can go to the car if you want,I’ll be right there”she says grabbing my hand softly,comforting as I nod,too tired to say anything. She lets go and she heads back to the bar,as I start to head to the car,it’s not very far. I make it to the car,and I try the door,it’s unlocked,so I get inside,shutting the door,shutting out the chill. I find myself resting against the door,knees to my chest,I’m feeling vulnerable.
Before I know it she’s back,and she gets in the drivers side,there’s no way I’m driving in this state. I feel her squeeze my knee as she leans over to put her purse and our jackets in the backseat,then she turns the car on,turning on the heat. “The heat will kick on in a minute baby,I know you’re cold Jack,you can get a hot shower when we get home,warm up”she says softly running a hand through my hair,getting me to look at her. I nod,putting my seatbelt on,then we take off into the snowy night. We sit in quiet,the only sound my shaky breaths. Before I know it though we’re home,and she parks in front,and it’s time to go in. “Let’s go inside guy,get you warm”she says softly as I feel her squeeze my shoulder lightly,as she reaches to undo my seatbelt. I let her undo it,then I open the door,and I get out standing on shaky legs. She comes around the car,and she wraps an arm around my back as I close the door,then we head up to the house. We get up the steps,then she unlocks the door,and we go into the warm hallway,lit by the small lamp on the end table.
I take my boots off,then I head upstairs,and she follows me,to help get the bedroom ready I’m sure. We stop at the bathroom,and she grabs me gently,to face her for a minute. “Go,get in the shower guy,it’ll feel good and help you warm up, I’m just going to get the bed ready,I’ll bring you some warm pjs in a minute”she says placing a cool hand under my chin,getting me to look at her. “OK Meg”I say softly opening the bathroom door and going inside. I close the door behind me,and I undress,flinching at the cool air against my skin. I start the shower,getting it nice and hot,then I get under it,and it feels good.I let the hot water beat against my skin,relaxing under the warmth,I’m safe now. I wash down,and then it’s time to get out. I do so,turning the water off,then I wrap myself in a towel,and I head to the bedroom.
She’s waiting when I get there,bed ready,PJs beside her,my long sleeve shirt and pajama pants. I sit beside her,and she stands up,to help me get changed,I’m tired,physically and emotionally,and I need it. She gets my shirt on,then she helps me with the pants,and then she gets my socks on. She then throws the towel aside,and she helps me get under the covers,tucking me in,kissing me on the forehead. Then she changes into PJs herself,then gets in bed beside me,and I snuggle against her,seeking comfort. “Get some sleep baby,I’l be here”she says carding a hand through my hair,comforting me. Before I know it I’m out,last thoughts on my mind being how I’ll get through this,and what will happen next,if I’ll ever have to see him again.