Chapter Text
xiii. i just wanted you to know that this is me trying
They go to Memphis.
Well, first they go to New York, and then they go to Memphis. Lena makes all the plans, because that's the kind of thing she likes to do.
Plan.
Quinn hasn't really been able to tell her that she and Rachel kind of threw all forms of 'plans' out the window, and just go through life day by day, and week by week. It's been working for them, somehow, but Lena does have a billion-dollar company to run, and she can't just take time off work on a whim.
At least not when she's not having some kind of identity crisis, that is.
When Quinn first brought up the idea of going, Lena seemed skeptical, but now she's picked up the idea and run with it. Kara even called Quinn to ask if she was aware of just what's been happening, her own voice a little high. Even Jess sent a slightly panicked text to Quinn.
They're going to Memphis, with the intention of uncovering any truths about their mother's life there, and possibly learning who their respective fathers are.
Maybe Lena is having some kind of identity crisis.
But first they're in New York to watch Rachel's last show in her end-of-year NYADA production. The semester is over, Finals all done and dusted, and Quinn is finally free to make the trip to watch her girlfriend perform, and hopefully make up for being unable to attend opening night. She has flowers and kisses aplenty to part with.
Lena and Kara are joining her, the three of them determined to show Rachel all the love and support during what is bound to be a launchpad for the rest of her very promising career. It's never really been in doubt, even if she suffered her NYADA admission scare their senior year.
Rachel Berry is going places, and Quinn is all in for the very exciting ride. It's different now, though. Before, Rachel's talent was camouflaged by her bluster, her desire to be known and recognised clouding the reason she would be. Now, she lets her talent speak for itself, her age having mellowed her out, and Quinn is proud of her for growing into the professional performer people want to work with.
The problem is -
Well.
See.
The show is a love story, between Rachel's character and the male lead's, Sean Champion. Objectively, he's a handsome young man, and Quinn knows he must be talented to have landed the role in the first place, but she's also aware the guy is kind of an asshole.
But the show's run is almost over and Sean will graduate, and Quinn will be able to whisk her girlfriend off to Tennessee, before they go to Ireland to visit Liz. All before Quinn heads to National City for her internship and Rachel returns to Lima for the majority of the summer.
Well. That last bit is still up for debate. They're waiting to see what happens.
For now, though, they're sitting in NYADA's main theatre and awaiting the start of the show. The bouquet of flowers Quinn has brought for Rachel is safely tucked under her seat, the stems wrapped in a damp cloth to preserve them, and she's predictably eager to watch her girlfriend perform. It's been a while since she's been able to do this in any capacity, but now she's front and centre, ready to cheer on Rachel.
What Quinn doesn't quite account for, though, is that she wouldn't be the only one supporting her on her last night. Lena and Kara, sure. Brody's there, too, sandwiching her between himself and Lena. But Rachel didn't mention her fathers would be coming, so Quinn realises she doesn't know. It's going to be a fitting surprise, and Quinn already knows she's going to cry.
Though, really, the kicker is that Rachel's fathers are actually joined by Kurt and Santana.
Quinn catches a glimpse of them for only a moment, and then she looks away immediately. Looks back again, but there's nobody there, and she has half a mind to accept she's just seeing things.
She's not, of course, as much as she wishes she were.
They end up sitting two rows behind Quinn and Co., a little more to the right side, and Quinn is tense for the first five minutes of the show. It's only when Rachel appears on stage that she starts to relax, Lena's hand on her arm attempting to soothe her. That doesn't really work, because Rachel is on stage and she's got Quinn all keyed up by merely existing.
She's breathtaking.
Everything about her.
For a moment, she almost doesn't blame Sean Champion for his neverending interest, but then he also gets to kiss her on stage, and Quinn is pretty sure that's too much tongue for a purely staged kiss. Rachel's discomfort is written all over her face when they break apart, but she hides it well.
What is it with boys just wanting to kiss Rachel on New York stages? Rachel handled it with surprising grace and composure their junior year of high school and she does the same now. It would just embarrass her for Quinn to say something at this point, but she would. Maybe even throw punches.
Hell, she knows Supergirl.
It's just, you see, Quinn ends up focusing on the wrong adversary. Sean Champion is easy compared to the people who once claimed to know her and still decided she was unworthy. It's one thing to acknowledge they're in attendance, and another thing entirely to see them.
It happens after the show, when Quinn is supposed to be waiting for Rachel with Lena and Kara in the front foyer of the theatre, but those two disappear off to the bathroom under the guise of freshening up. Quinn knows better, obviously, because the way Kara looks at Lena sometimes is positively indecent. Like, Quinn feels the need to scrub herself clean whenever she's near them.
So, Quinn is alone, right in the middle of a lion's den, and they can sense prey a mile away.
"Well, would you look who actually decided to show up?"
Quinn knows the voice, because of course she does. Despite what they all think, Santana did play a significant role in getting her to this point in her life. She showed Quinn just what she can expect from someone who claims to be her friend because Santana was never it.
When Quinn does turn around, Kurt and Santana are standing there. They look older than she remembers, weary and a little aged. They've matured, visibly, but Quinn doubts the same has happened in other ventures.
Quinn would ignore them, but she can see Rachel's fathers just over Santana's shoulder, and she still hasn't quite been able to talk to them. Hasn't been able to explain herself and figure out if she's going to have to make up for something she might have done as a teenager.
Getting into some kind of spat with Kurt and Santana definitely won't endear her to them.
Quinn takes a breath and says, "Hello," as neutrally as she can manage. If this is all the interaction they get, that would be just fine with her. They can walk in different directions, and Quinn will still be the person who gets to go home with Rachel Berry.
But Kurt and Santana don't get the memo, and it's as if they forget they're currently standing in a rather public theatre foyer, surrounded by people from the audience who may or may not be able to make or break Rachel's career.
"That's it?" Santana asks, scoffing. "More than a year of radio silence and that's all you have to say?"
"What did you expect?" Kurt comments from Santana's left side, and Quinn really wishes Rachel would emerge from wherever she is right now. "We probably didn't even cause a blip in her life."
Actually, this is all Kara and Lena's fault for going to the bathroom together. Couldn't they keep their hands off each other for just one night? All she needed was a few hours, and now they're doing goodness knows what while she's standing here and trying desperately hard not to get drawn into making a scene.
Quinn isn't above it. She and Santana have had a literal slap-fight in a school corridor. It's just that Quinn is older now. She's more self-aware, and she definitely wouldn't forgive herself for ruining Rachel's night.
Quinn remains silent.
"So, that's your ploy, is it?" Santana asks, and there's guilt and fear and rage in her eyes. "Don't show up for anything, somehow manage to weasel your way back into Rachel's life, and then just take her away from us?" The words are designed to get a reaction out of her, but it doesn't work.
She burns, of course, because they know nothing. Quinn has taken Rachel away from nobody.
"You're just going to stand there and pretend you haven't betrayed all of us?" Santana says, and Quinn gets the feeling this has very little to do with Rachel, or even Finn's funeral.
"What would you like me to say?" Quinn asks, brow creased, because maybe she can say what needs to be done and they can all move on with their lives.
"What would I like you to say?" she echoes, incredulous. "Well, why don't you start with why you've been such a heartless bitch for the past year?" A pause. "Or, better yet, for your entire existence?"
And, well, Quinn thinks here we go.
She's not entirely sure what she's going to say but, before she can even open her mouth, Lena appears at her side and says, "Is there a problem here?" with a tone that's laced with danger danger danger.
A tone that tells them here comes Quinn's big sister.
It's almost annoying how good she is.
Lena knows Kara can sing. Alex, too. Even Quinn, when she's actually trying, but there is something about Rachel's voice that isn't like any other human being on the planet, and she makes sure every member of that audience knows it. Makes sure they remember it.
The final applause is deafening.
It continues ringing in Lena's ears long after it's over; even after they've shuffled out of the theatre and into the foyer. Quinn seems slightly distracted, her eyes darting about, and Lena can feel Kara's hand on the small of her back, steady presence and warmth.
She's actually standing too close. Lena can smell her shampoo and, if she turns her head just a little, she'll be able to run the tip of her nose along Kara's jaw.
Temptations temptations.
Kara must be thinking something similar, because her hand slides further down and she drops her voice to a murmur. "You think Rachel will take a while?" she asks, and Lena feels the burn of her touch through the fabric of her dress. "I need the bathroom."
Well then.
Kara doesn't really have a tell, per se, but she's usually ready to go whenever Lena is. It might be a lot to do with her Kryptonian stamina, but Lena knows it has a considerable amount to do with her.
Kara loves her.
Kara wants her, constantly. She's no longer afraid to show her and tell her just how much, and Lena has to remind her a few times that she really is only human. Kara always gives her this look whenever Lena tells her that, as if she doesn't believe her.
As if she's more than just what she claims.
Lena reaches blindly for Kara's other hand, entangling their fingers. She tugs lightly, which is signal enough, and the two of them leave Quinn bickering with Brody in a way that they're both smiling.
Just a few minutes.
Quinn won't miss her.
It's a famous last thought that she files away for the few minutes she and Kara spend making out in a bathroom stall. She's not against getting frisky in public - have you seen Kara - but this night is about Rachel and they really can't spend as long as Lena would like just the two of them.
"Later," Kara promises when they reluctantly pull apart, and Lena is grateful for it when they do finally return to Quinn to find Brody nowhere in sight but rather two people Lena recognises with a healthy amount of distaste.
Which is only aggravated when she catches the tail-end of whatever they have to say to Quinn.
"Well, why don't you start with why you've been such a heartless bitch for the past year?" A tense pause. "Or, better yet, for your entire existence?"
Lena hears the words and the meaning behind them, and she reacts.
It's almost visceral, the desire to protect that erupts in her chest and has her stepping right up to Quinn's side, dropping the register of her voice and very purposefully asking, "Is there a problem here?"
And, God, the way if feels to have these children visibly startle at the sound of her voice is a little worrying. Lena knows she holds power - through her stance, surname and status - but she's really just Quinn's older sister in this moment, and she knows Frannie would appreciate the drama of it all.
They've both missed out on so much of Quinn's life; all they can do it try to make up for it now.
Quinn glances at her now, and Lena can't mistake the relief in her eyes. "Hey," she says. "This is, um, these are Rachel's old roommates, Kurt and Santana."
Lena nods, as if Quinn is telling her new information. Lena already knows more than enough about these two human beings to know Quinn is better off without them in her life. She has Rachel, and she has Amy and Poppy. She has Lena and Kara. She'll find more who are worthy.
"Oh, come now, Quinn," Santana says, and her voice is knowing, "That's not all we are."
Lena watches Quinn as she says, "You're right, Santana, you were once my friend, who stopped speaking to me right when I was in the middle of my sexuality crisis, and this is Kurt, who's never been my friend, but believes it's his place to make judgments about how I live my life." She smiles. "Is that accurate enough for you?"
Santana's jaw clenches, Kurt opens his mouth to speak, but it's Lena who says, "Oh, the ones who believe you're heartless?"
Quinn blinks. "Um. Yes."
"Wrote all that shit about you when you couldn't make it to Finn's funeral for a completely legitimate reason that they didn't even bother to find out before going off on all your social media like they wanted you dead, too?"
Lena can feel everyone's discomfort growing, even Kara's, who is dutifully standing just behind her. She probably enjoys it too much, the way the two people standing in front of Quinn look like they've tasted something sour.
To her credit, Santana recovers quickly. "And who are you?"
Lena can only wonder if she doesn't actually recognise her, but it's not her concern. "Lena Luthor," she says, "perhaps you've heard of me."
Their eyes dart to Quinn, who has a tiny smile on her face. "What?" Quinn says. "Don't you know her? It's okay if you didn't realise it was her. I didn't recognise her either when we first met, but she's never held it against me."
"Of course not, dear," Lena says, hand on the back of Quinn's neck, tickling the tiny hairs she finds there. It's intimate, the action, and she almost wants them to read into it. "At the time, it was a blessing."
Santana looks between them. "What is happening right now?" she asks. "You're not - no fucking way, Q. You brought someone else to Berry's show?"
Lena would roll her eyes if she weren't so slighted, on Quinn's behalf. And Kara's, who is so obviously with her.
"That's low, even for you," Kurt comments, and Lena has the sudden desire to wrap her hand around his neck and squeeze. She knows herself; she knows what she's capable of. She could do it, and she would, but she knows Quinn and Kara wouldn't let her.
How she's managed to surround herself with people with such pure hearts, she has no clue. If Quinn is considered heartless - this Quinn right here standing in front of her - then Lex is the fucking Easter Bunny.
"Assumptions, assumptions," Lena says, eyes on Kurt. "You know what they say about them."
"What are you even doing with Lena Luthor?" Santana asks. "Frankly, what is she doing with you?"
Quinn doesn't immediately answer, her gaze darting to Lena, as if gaging how comfortable she is with revealing just what they've been through. She looks uncomfortable, herself, though, and Lena realises Quinn doesn't actually want to have to be the one to tell them.
Quinn won't air her trauma. She'd rather they think what they want about her. It's admirable, sure, and stupidly noble, and it is a wonder that Quinn thinks she and Lena are so alike when she's actually so much like Kara.
Lena steps forward, closer to Quinn. Her smile is sickly sweet when she says, "Oh, I'm also Quinn's sister, but you can't be expected to know that." Before they can even question how that's possible, Lena continues. "I believe you've heard of Operation Ellis, haven't you? You see, while the lot of you were busy sending her all your nasty words, she was finding out she's actually adopted, stolen from her biological family and bought by another. Can you imagine that? Can you even imagine what that would be like, coupled with the loss of her friend, and then having to deal with all you lot had to say about something you didn't even bother to try to understand?" She scoffs. "And you claim she's unworthy. Maybe you should look in the mirror."
There is no response forthcoming, and Lena can see the cogwheels turning in their heads as they try to make sense of what Lena's just revealed. Even saying it out loud herself has Lena feeling unsettled. She doesn't even want to imagine what that was all like for Quinn.
Quinn, who is looking at her now with eyes that are grateful but still wary. There are things Lena could say, about how Quinn deserves better friends than these; tell her that she's strong and worthy and the world won't be able to break her.
Lena's words seem unnecessary, though, because then Rachel is there, emerging from somewhere to boisterous applause from the people gathered in the front foyer, claiming all their attention. Her cheeks are red, embarrassed and proud, with the biggest smile on her face, but Lena watches the way Quinn just seems to melt at the sight of her. Relax and breathe, as if nothing could be wrong with her world if Rachel is near.
It makes Lena ache, but in a good way, because this is what she wants for her. A love that can bring her happiness and contentment and safety.
Rachel makes her way through the crowd towards them, accepting congratulations as her eyes seek out Quinn. And then she's there, an arm sliding around Quinn's waist as she lifts herself onto her toes to kiss Quinn's cheek.
It is a big, important thing that Quinn is the first person she greets, whispering a few words in Quinn's ear before she acknowledges anyone else. Before even her parents, whom she actually doesn't seem to notice until Quinn points them out to her, getting a shriek of surprise and delight out of her.
Lena looks away then, because she knows that she and Quinn and Kara will never get a moment like this with their own parents, biological or not. Kara must sense her thoughts, because her arms wrap around Lena's shoulders, engulfing her in warmth and comfort.
"I love you," Kara whispers into her ear, and she imagines Rachel whispered the same words into Quinn's ear just moments ago. This is what she wants for herself as well: happiness and contentment and safety.
She's known from the very beginning that she would find them with Kara, and she's finally stopped being afraid of it.
They go out to dinner.
Rachel's fathers insist, and Quinn can't say no, even if she mentions that she's actually here with Lena and Kara. Tech mogul and established reporter.
Hiram and LeRoy appear very interested in hearing how that came to be, which is how Quinn finds herself sitting at a table with Rachel, Rachel's fathers, Lena and Kara.
No Brody, who bailed when he first caught sight of Rachel's fathers. And no Kurt and Santana, who were not invited to join them when Rachel's appearance effectively shut down all conversation and confrontation. Quinn is relieved by that, because she's had enough of them for one evening.
One lifetime, as it were.
She's trying to appear unaffected by the entire display, but they're capable of evoking feelings in Quinn she's tried very hard to work through. She knows she wasn't a good teenager, lost and confused and just trying her best given the situation. She didn't always make the right choices, though she thinks she's paid rather heavily for those.
It's just continually jarring being seen as a person intent on harm. She loves Rachel. Loves her with her whole heart and every fibre of her being. She may be young, but she's loved this girl in various ways for many years already. Quinn isn't going to mess that up. Not now, when they've just about figured things out.
It's why she tries so hard to make a good impression on Rachel's fathers. It's bothered her, the understanding that she's been a villain in Rachel's history. Lena told her otherwise, of course. And Rachel has repeatedly reminded her she's forgiven, but Quinn can't quite believe it when she was the one who was there, making all those hurtful decisions that make her once-friends' opinions of her valid.
It's when LeRoy asks about their upcoming trip to Tennessee that Rachel's hand settles on her thigh and stays there. Rachel explained to them over the phone what her plans are for her summer, almost without actually asking permission, and Quinn is wary.
She doesn't anticipate there being a day she isn't.
Rachel's relationship with her parents is nothing Quinn has ever seen. It's almost as if she's just another adult having a very adult conversation with them, explaining her decisions like they've all been these grownups for a long, long time. It's evident from the way they discuss Rachel's plans that they trust her enough to make these kinds of decisions for herself.
More so when she says, "You don't have anything to worry about," and looks at Quinn. "I'll be with Quinn."
Both men look at her, and she can't stop herself from saying, "We're also going with Kara and Lena." She manages a smile. "They're older and a lot more responsible."
Kara chuckles. "Oh, it's best not to include me in that - Lena's the real adult here."
Lena leans forward, looking all for the world like the stoic businesswoman she is. She's very clearly Lena Luthor, her expression open and severe as she assures Rachel's parents that their daughter is going to be perfectly safe during their trip south, and then across the pond.
"How do you two know each other, again?" LeRoy asks, looking between Quinn and Lena. Quinn knows Rachel has explained very little, mainly leading with the truth that she's dating Quinn and that they're deeply in love.
"It's a long story," Quinn preempts.
Hiram doesn't look put off by the idea. "We're willing to listen if you're willing to tell."
Quinn glances at Lena, silently seeking her permission to divulge their past, present and future, but she gives Quinn nothing in response.
Instead, she looks to the two men who very obviously care about their daughter and her well-being and says, "Have you ever heard of Operation Ellis?"
Quinn has never been more grateful for her.
Lena lets everyone think she's apprehensive about their trip to Tennessee for the obvious reasons - finding truths on their biological parentage - but there's something else on her mind that she knows she's going to have to reveal.
She's not looking forward to it.
They visit Nashville when they first land in the state, which is where Ella arrived the first time she made the trip with her young love, intent on pursuing a career in music that just never came to fruition.
It's the city Lena was born in, apparently, and finding those hospital records prove far easier with an actual name. Turns out she's had her birth date wrong all along. There also isn't a father listed, which is fine, but it just makes Lena more antsy.
Kara notices, of course, but her fidgeting is easily explained. She must know her lack of stillness has caused some concern for all three of her travel companions. It's just that, well, Lena knows the news she has to share will change things, but also nothing.
She just can't be sure how Quinn is going to react.
Lena holds off until they're in Memphis, the two of them standing in a bedroom of a house that their mother once lived in more than two decades ago. Kara and Rachel have allowed them this moment together, opting to leave the sisters to their discoveries, and now they're surrounded by a space that once held their mother.
A woman neither of them truly remembers. A woman they've had to learn about through other people who knew her while she was still alive. Lena could get caught in the unfairness of it all, but she's experienced enough life to know nothing is ever fair.
The room, itself, is normal. There's a college student living here now, though she's on summer vacation and has returned home. The older landlady, Isabel, took one look at Lena and said, "I knew you would come." Eyes shifted to Quinn and added, "And you brought Lucy."
Quinn has spent the last fifteen minutes learning all she can about their mother from the woman, hearing stories from so long ago that Lena can't ignore the fact it really was a different life for all of them. She doesn't register much, because there's something she needs to tell Quinn and she has to tell her now.
It's when they're standing in the room, Quinn's eyes a little wide and alert, taking in everything they can. Lena knows they're going to dim. She can basically see it happening, but she has no choice. She should have done this sooner.
"Quinn, there's something I didn't tell you," Lena starts, and she knows this can go one of two ways. Quinn can see it as a mercy, or she can feel betrayed.
Lena didn't lie, but she also didn't tell the entire truth.
When Quinn looks at her, it's obvious she's expecting the worst. She was always going to, because Lena knows she's harboured the feeling as well: the other shoe is going to drop.
Lena can only hope it's not too muddy.
"The test," Lena says when Quinn just looks at her, bracing herself. "I didn't - you didn't ask to see it."
Quinn frowns. "What test?"
"The blood test."
Quinn goes still. If Lena weren't looking into her eyes, she would think she was frozen in time and place. If Lena weren't looking into her eyes, she wouldn't see Quinn's own eyes dim as realisation sets in.
She takes a step back, and she looks devastated. "We're not sisters?" she whispers, and her voice is small. So very small.
Oh, God.
What?
"We are," Lena says, voice firm. "Quinn, dear, God, don't ever think otherwise, okay? We're sisters. You're Lucy and I'm Lena. We have the same mother."
"Then what didn't you tell me?" Quinn asks, and there's desperation in her voice now. "What is it? Lena?"
It's the moment she realises she's done this all wrong. Right now, and by not telling Quinn in the first place. "I love you," Lena tells her. "And I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"We have the same mother," Lena says. "But the truth is that the test revealed something unexpected."
"Oh my God, do we have some kind of genetic disorder or something?"
"What? No." Lena takes a step forward, reclaiming the space Quinn has put between them. "Can you just - I'm trying to explain." She takes a breath. "We have the same mother, Quinn."
"I know. You said that."
"We also have the same father."
"What?"
Lena reaches for her, hands needing to hold onto her baby sister. They settle over Quinn's upper arms, just near her shoulders. "I don't know how and I don't know why, but that man came back into her life and - "
"We are sisters?"
"We are sisters," Lena confirms. "Completely and truly. No different fathers. Your blood is my blood. You're mine, do you hear me? Mine, and I'm yours, and I claimed you long before that stupid test."
Quinn stares at her. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know." And it's the truth. "I never really thought we would be here, discovering things about her and her life, about him and how much he didn't deserve her. I just - it didn't occur to me it would matter, because it doesn't. Whether we have the same father or not, you're still mine."
Quinn slowly nods. "I'm still yours," she echoes. "You're not - "
"I'm keeping you," Lena says. "You can't get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere."
"You should have told me."
"I know."
"Can you hug me now?"
Lena's smile is sad, but she does as requested, wrapping her arms around Quinn's shoulders and just holding her. The world doesn't exist beyond this moment, just the two of them.
Quinn is the one to initiate the release, arms dropping from around Lena's waist. "The dude was an asshole, wasn't he?"
Lena can't speak for a man she's never met, but the impression his absence has given is telling. He left Ella, twice. He came back once, and Lena can only wonder if he came back a second time and just didn't find her.
Does he know his children were taken, transported out of state, and adopted by families that could never quite love them the way their mother did? Would he even care?
"He totally was," Quinn concludes for herself, and then she laughs. "You reckon our mother's experience with him is the reason we're both dating women right now?"
It's not even funny, but Lena still joins in her laughter. "You're ridiculous," she says.
Quinn shrugs. "I kind of want to punch him."
"I can try to find him," Lena hesitantly offers, because she hasn't really been trying. She's still not sure she actually wants to know whom he is, herself, but she's somewhat willing to keep looking if that's what Quinn decides she wants.
"Just so I can punch him?"
Lena meets her gaze. "You're allowed to be curious about him," she says. "Despite whatever happened between him and our mother, he is half of your genetic DNA."
"And yours."
Lena drops her gaze.
"You're not curious?"
Lena shakes her head. "Not really," she reveals. "It's not something I've thought about."
"Because Lionel wasn't as terrible a father as mine?" Quinn asks, and this isn't something they've necessarily sat and talked about. Lionel. Russell. Their yet unnamed biological father.
Lena knows few things of just how Russell treated Quinn growing up, and she's worried for what she might do if she learns more atrocities. The man could end up joining Noah Puckerman in a prison of his own choosing.
"The more I learn of him, the worse the idea of him gets in my head," Quinn says. "I don't want to think of him in any way, but I - there are things I'd like to know. I want to be able to look into his eyes and ask him why he left her. Why he left you. Why he left all of us. I want to know that, at least, heartlessness isn't actually genetic."
"Hey."
Quinn looks away. "I'd like to know," she says.
Lena nods, still unsure how she's supposed to help Quinn with all of this. "Okay."
Quinn can tell Rachel doesn't quite know how to handle her silence. It's not anything she has power over, but she's in a sombre mood after her afternoon with Lena, and now her girlfriend is sitting across from her and looking uncertain.
With a soft sigh, Quinn shifts her position in the armchair she's occupying and gently pats her own lap. It takes a moment, but then Rachel is getting to her feet and crossing the room to sit sideways in her lap, legs dangling over the arm of the chair.
A human arm slides around her neck, gentle fingers in her hair. Rachel kisses her cheek and whispers, "Tell me what you need."
Quinn takes a breath, intent on telling her just what she does need, but what she ends up saying is, "I don't think my father ever loved me," and the words are a surprise to them both.
Rachel sits very still, fingers threading through Quinn's hair.
"I've known this for a while, but I think I realised just how true it is today," Quinn says. "Russell was - he was many things and, when I found out I was adopted, there was - I couldn't help - "
"Quinn," Rachel soothes.
"It was such a relief," she reveals, almost blurting the words, "to know I wasn't actually related to him. To know I wasn't anything like him; that there was a chance I wouldn't end up like him." She tilts her head forward, resting her forehead against Rachel's cheek. "But now my actual biological father might not be any better, and I just - there's a part of me that doesn't want to know, but I also - what if there's a chance he's not actually the Devil incarnate? What if there's a chance I managed to escape that?"
"Hey."
Quinn looks at her, expression lost and a little helpless.
"The DNA in your veins does not make you the person you are," she says, and her voice is firm enough that she must believe it. Quinn suspects she's thinking about Shelby in this moment. "I know it plays a part - genetics are complicated things - but I don't think it will help you or anyone to base your own self on someone unworthy of you."
Quinn drops her gaze, strangely embarrassed.
"Does this have something to do with Kurt and Santana?" Rachel asks. "Because you and I both know they have no right to any opinions of you. I'm sorry I wasn't able - I'm sorry couldn't be the champion you needed this past year. I'm sorry I let them judge you. I'm sorry I hurt you trying to figure out my own feelings."
Quinn presses a palm to her cheek. "When you think of high school, what's the first thing that comes to mind?"
"Glee." There's no hesitation; not even a second of thought. "It was probably the best and worst part of those four years."
Quinn manages a smile. "Do you know what I think of first?"
"What?"
"You."
Rachel's breath catches, but Quinn doesn't think it's because the sentiment is unexpected. She probably just didn't expect Quinn to admit it. They haven't really spent a lot of time talking about their high school experience, but it's an open secret between them that Quinn has harboured feelings for Rachel for longer than either of them is strictly comfortable with.
"You," she repeats, anyway. "Every moment, all the things worth remembering, good and bad, just you. Always just you."
Rachel's fingers trace the line of her jaw. "Baby, I don't know what you're trying to tell me."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I still don't know who I am," Quinn whispers. "I thought, maybe, I would figure it out, but there's just - I don't know who I am."
Rachel's hands hold her face, making her look at her. "I know who you are."
"Who am I?"
Their foreheads touch. "You're Lucy Quinn Fabray, twenty years old, smart and snarky, beautiful and kind of an asshole, selfless and giving, and bound to take over the world with her tech genius sister."
"People should run and hide."
Rachel kisses the tip of her nose. "You are good, Quinn," she whispers. "I know you've spent a lot of time defined by other people's opinions of you, but I want you to think about only the people who matter. The others, those people who aren't bothered to know you - including both your fathers - they don't matter. They've never mattered."
"Just you?"
Rachel shakes her head. "You're the only one who matters."
"You matter to me," she says. "What you think of me, it's always mattered to me, even when I told myself I didn't care."
"We are both very complicated people."
Quinn tilts her head slightly. "Can I ask?" she says, voice quiet.
"You can."
"Do you wish you never met Shelby?"
Rachel doesn't answer immediately. Just sits and thinks for a long time, which Quinn appreciates. "I want to say yes," she finally says. "It would have hurt less never to have known her, but I do think the experience has helped define me in some way. Do I wish things played out differently, yes, but I'm glad I'm no longer curious about who she is, even if I can't remember if I actually truly was until she forced her way into my life."
It's a lot to think about, and Quinn wonders if the image of her biological father would be ruined if she ever met him. Maybe he's worse than her imagination has conjured. Maybe he's better. Would she rather not know? Schrödinger's cat and all that.
She sighs, and Rachel sighs with her.
Quinn manages a smile. "You know what I think about when it all just gets a little… too complicated and overwhelming?"
"What?"
"I stop and remind myself that I am in this moment because I am meant to be in this moment," Quinn says. "And so are you. That brings me all the comfort I could ever need, particularly when you're right next to me."
"Quinn?"
"Hmm?"
Rachel stares at her for a long, long time. She doesn't speak, though, and Quinn decides she doesn't actually need her to. The look in her eyes is more than enough. Quinn can hear her unspoken words as clear as if she's said them herself.
They're in this moment together, and always will be.
"You're being quiet," Kara says, voice gentle. "It's a normal thing, I know, but there's something different about this quiet." Her hand reaches out to tuck a lock of hair behind Lena's ear, the two of them standing facing each other on the balcony of their Memphis hotel room. "What can I do?"
Lena doesn't necessarily feel helpless, but she's stuck on what she actually has to do. It's easy, this part. Finding names and people, she can do that. Even Kara can do that.
But she doesn't want to.
Because finding Quinn's father is finding her own father, and she doesn't - why would she even make the offer?
When it comes to Quinn, Lena has been the most selfless she's ever been in her life, which is why she offered in the first place. But now she doesn't know if she's actually willing to do this thing for her, and she's tempted to ask Kara to do it, instead. But then she also doesn't want this to be something Kara keeps from her, either, so it leaves her with a bit of a dilemma.
"What can I do?" Kara asks again, and Lena loves her with everything she is and everything she will be.
Marry me. She thinks the words, loud and clear in her own head, but she won't dare say them. She and Kara have barely been doing this relationship thing for weeks, even if it already feels like years.
It has been years.
Lena reaches for her, hands closing around the front of Kara's cardigan and pulling her closer. "I love you," she murmurs instead, which is a less disastrous sentiment. Then: "Quinn wants to know who our father is, but I don't - I can't - "
"Hey."
"After Ireland," Lena finally says, nodding her head. "Maybe I'll feel different." Maybe she'll be able to stomach the idea of actually doing what she offered to Quinn: give her a chance to know him.
Kara just wraps her arms around her, which is probably a kindness at this point, because they both know Lena won't change her stance once they're back from visiting Liz. Why would she? She's already had enough people in her life to disappoint her.
"After Ireland," Kara confirms for her anyway, which is their next stop on Lena's summer plan to learn more about where she and Quinn actually come from.
Getting to see Liz is the cherry on top, though. For a terrifying moment during the flight across the Atlantic, Lena was certain Liz would have forgotten them. Her memory isn't fading, but it is fickle, and Lena is increasingly aware that she and Quinn haven't been able to squeeze a good chunk of time out to come and see her.
Kara assures her she has nothing to worry about, and Liz practically proves it when she yells, "Ella," the second Lena walks into the room ahead of Kara, Quinn and Rachel.
Kara makes the introductions, explaining to Rachel that Liz tends to refer to people by their mother's name, which is -
Lena winces when Rachel tucks herself into Quinn's side and quietly says, "I don't have a mother."
It's Liz who says, "Neither do I," and that seems to be that. She takes to Rachel immediately, the two of them finding common ground in classic films and the West End. Lena has to take one look at the expression on Quinn's face to know just how much this means to her.
Quinn must feel her gaze, because her own drifts away from Liz and Rachel to her instead. She raises her eyebrows in question, but Lena doesn't have any kind of response.
All she knows is that she feels it too. Whatever it is, she definitely feels it. Sitting here in a tiny town in Ireland, surrounded by her favourite people in the world - her family - and not worrying about anything else. How did she get so lucky?
"You're looking thoughtful," Quinn says, having crossed the room. Her smile is small and knowing, eyes twinkling like she knows something Lena doesn't.
"Just thinking."
"Care to share?"
Lena shrugs, eyes finding the windows where she can see Kara happily working in the garden with a few of the other Albion residents. "We're pretty lucky, aren't we?"
Quinn's head tilts to the left. "How so?"
"I just - I'm a scientist, you know," she says. "I deal in facts and numbers and statistics and probabilities, and it is just wild that we've ended up right here, in this moment."
Quinn looks at her, clearly understanding the feeling Lena is trying to describe. "You sound more and more like me with every day that passes."
Lena gently bumps her shoulder against hers. "I mean it," she says. "The way life works, it really makes it near impossible that this is the way our lives have worked out." She turns to face Quinn. "We're lucky."
Quinn's eyes are dark, a certain appreciation for the fact they are here existing between them. "Well, Lena, we are Irish."
Lena laughs. "Gosh, what am I ever going to do with you?"
"Keep me."
Lena reaches for her hand, pressing their palms together. "I think I can manage that," she says. "You're the only family I need," she adds, and she means it. Sure, she has Liz and she also might have inherited Quinn's adoptive family and she has her friends, but Quinn is -
Quinn is her sister.
Quinn squeezes her hand. "I've been thinking about it," she says. "About our biological father."
Lena holds her breath.
"I think - I think I'm okay with not knowing," she reveals. "I was - I wanted to know about him for the wrong reasons, and I can't say that I actually - " she stops, frowning. "You're the only biological family I need, too." She pauses, frowns. "Besides Liz, of course, don't forget her." She huffs. "Damn. I was just trying to be cute, but - "
"I know what you mean, dear."
Quinn chuckles. "Don't mention that to Frannie, though."
Lena won't.
"Are you okay?" Quinn asks after a moment. "You really were looking thoughtful. Rachel tells me thinking too much isn't always a good thing."
"She has her moments."
"She's grown on you, hasn't she?"
Lena doesn't offer her a response. Just squeezes her hand, rests her head on her shoulder and allows herself to exist in the moment with all the people she's come to love.
In just the first two weeks of her stay in National City, Quinn manages to interrupt Kara and Lena five seconds from having sex an impressive seven times. It's more scarring than it is satisfying, and she makes an executive decision to sit Lena down and come up with a better system.
Her own sensibilities require it, and Alex definitely appreciates it.
Quinn has been fascinated by National City in the past, but she truly falls in love with it by actually living in it. Lena won't let her stay anywhere other than in her penthouse with her, which is fine and expected, but it takes Quinn a while to feel as if she's not actually imposing. It's one thing to visit her, but living with her for almost two months feels borderline excessive.
Especially when Lena and Kara are in the middle of exploring their relatively young romantic relationship. But Lena insists, even looking a little alarmed at merely the mention of any other plan for accommodation, and Quinn reasons this is one way they're going to make up for all the years they missed out on.
Life is very different on this side of the country, and she's almost desperate not to enjoy it too much. It's just that she's with Lena, and Kara, and she's not too far from her mother and Frannie, and it's spoiling her being so close to the people she sometimes tries to convince herself she doesn't actually need.
National City might even be the compromise they all made, because Quinn actually spent large chunks of her previous summer travelling Europe rather than being anywhere specifically close to her family.
Lena holds a lot of power, it would seem.
The one main issue is the distance from Rachel, which even includes a change in time zones. After spending two weeks together in Tennessee and Ireland, Rachel returned to Ohio and Quinn continued on her way to California for the remainder of her summer.
Even if Quinn weren't currently interning at CatCo, she would have ended up on this side of the country anyway. With the baby expected any day now and her entire family in California, it was always going to be a no-brainier. Rachel tells her she understands, but Quinn can feel the strain of the distance that can't be closed with just a two-hour train ride.
Which Kara has a simple solution to.
Kara, who made sure to get herself assigned as Quinn's mentor at CatCo, and they form a little trio of chaos with Nia Nal in the office. Getting to work with Kara is an experience in itself, learning from her and learning even more about her. This actual being that passes as human, but isn't at all.
Because she's also Supergirl, and Quinn has to remind herself of it quite a few times a day. Kara Danvers is unassuming enough that it continually makes sense how Lena could have missed it if one was determined not to look hard enough.
Having Supergirl in her life is something extraordinary. When she's not bloody and woozy and basically mooning over Lena, Supergirl is truly something to behold. She oozes power and loyalty, and Quinn can see how Lena never quite stood a chance. The thirst tweets Nia jokingly sends to her and Kara on a daily basis just make a lot of sense.
The first time Kara tentatively offers to take her flying, Quinn says yes so fast she might have been considered the alien in the room. It helps - or perhaps doesn't - that Lena looks so uncomfortable with the idea, but Quinn has repeatedly told her she's an air person and there just isn't a day in hell she's ever going to pass up this opportunity.
Kara, in return, is delighted, and presses a reassuring kiss to Lena's cheek, promising to have her back safely in no time.
No time.
Kara makes sure she's wrapped up against a cold she can't quite feel when her feet are on the ground, and then they take to the sky and don't return for a full seven hours. It's one of those things Quinn wishes she could write about; this once-in-a-lifetime experience, but she holds onto it all very tightly. This moment is just for her. And Kara.
"Sometimes, I forget," Kara tells her, the two of them hovering over the Amazon Rainforest, "what it can feel like."
Quinn doesn't turn her head to look at her. They're already too close, Quinn's feet on Kara's, an arm around her shoulders. "What what can feel like?"
"This," she says. "Flying. Seeing the world. Feeling weightless. Sometimes, I forget it's a singular experience."
Now, Quinn does look at her. "Is it?" she asks, because she's just as aware of Superman as the rest of the world. If anything, she's more familiar with him, given New Haven's proximity to Metropolis, but she's never talked to Kara about it, or him.
"It is," Kara confirms, voice quiet, and Quinn doesn't question her. Kara would know better than Quinn ever could. They remain, hovering in silence, until Kara drops them a little and says, "You're not scared, are you?"
"Not even a little bit." The words come out easily, truthfully, and Kara must believe her.
"I know Lena offered her plane whenever you want to see Rachel, but I can assure you that I'm much faster," she says, and Quinn doesn't have to look to know she's smiling smugly. She could probably fly at breakneck speeds if she didn't have to worry about a human being as cargo.
The thought gives her an idea. "You can get anywhere in the world," she states. "Quickly, and often."
Kara nods, a slight crease in her brow. "Yup."
"Cool."
"Why?"
Quinn just shakes her head. "I'll tell you later," she deflects. "Now, you reckon we can drop any lower?" Then: "Have you ever fought a jaguar?"
Kara is, in a sense, as determined and dogged as Quinn suspects a reporter should be. It reminds her of Rachel, who spent their high school years chipping away at her until she had no choice to give in, and these are the skills Quinn gets to witness whenever Kara is in reporter-mode.
She's different from the normal, bubbly Kara, but not quite as intense and laser-focused as Supergirl. It's a lot, even for Quinn, and she wonders how Lena handles all the various sides of her.
"She's just Kara," Lena says, as if it's just that simple.
Maybe it is.
Quinn desperately wishes it to be.
She can pretend all she wants that she's not sentimental, but it's rooted deep in her. She and Lena are actually rather similar that way, both of them determined to hold on to anything and everything good but not quite willing to let anyone know just how tightly.
As a younger sister, she wasn't able to experience this part with Frannie. She wasn't there to watch Frannie meet and fall in love with Maxwell. She didn't even get to tease her about it, rather getting snippets from people that weren't Frannie.
It is vastly different with Lena and Kara, and Quinn is given the simple pleasure of getting to witness her sister exist in this new, overwhelming love. Quinn didn't know Lena Luthor could blush so much, or that Kara is actually a bit of a fiend.
Just.
National City is where she needs to be, and she struggles to justify that when the probable love of her life is in another state entirely. For the most part, it truly is a future problem, given she's still in school in New Haven, but she also knows she and Rachel are going to have to sit down and have a serious conversation about it.
They're always going to have important conversations to have, the rest of their lives laid out ahead of them. Quinn has a bit of a list, which includes formally introducing Rachel to her mother and Frannie. Essentially making sure they're aware how stupid with love she is for this human being she's managed to find and actually hold onto.
They're building up to it - Quinn can feel it - but first she receives a frantic call from Maxwell telling her that her sister's gone into labour. She has to remind him this is the third time they're going through this, and there's no need to panic., which actually does little to help him.
Kara offers to fly them to Sacramento within minutes, but Lena gently declines, stating that they wouldn't be able to explain their hasty arrival. Frannie probably still has hours to go, and Quinn allows Lena to lead where she can't.
Her sister is going into labour.
The entire thing isn't a new experience for her, not really. She missed Shepherd's birth, for obvious reasons, but Ramsey really is her little monster, Quinn the sixth person in their collective family to hold him in her arms and instantly falling in love.
This time, she's the third, Maxwell placing the little bundle in her arms after the gruelling fifteen hours it takes for baby number three to join the world. Tiny and still wriggling, Quinn marvels at the little face.
"Logan Henry, meet your Aunt Quinn," Maxwell murmurs, his own eyes wide and full of a new love. "Quinn, meet your newest nephew."
"Another boy," Frannie says from her bed, her head leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "Max, I swear to God." She and Maxwell made the decision to wait to find out the sex, both of them secretly hoping for a girl, and yet here they are with yet another perfect baby boy.
Quinn can't help her grin, winking at Maxwell. "You better have a word with your little swimmers when you try for baby number four."
His eyes widen, and Frannie pointedly tells Quinn, "If you weren't currently holding my very adorable son, I would throw something at you." She glares at her husband. "We're never having sex again."
"Ooh, I remember being a violent grump after I gave birth, as well," Quinn says, easy as ever as she looks at Logan's face again. He's settled now, eyes closed, comfortable in her hold. "Must run in the family," she comments lightly, and she's very aware of the silence that settles over the occupants of the maternity room.
Maxwell is standing close to her, Frannie resting in the room's only bed, and her mother sitting in an armchair in the corner. Lena's currently keeping her slightly-older nephews occupied in a playroom down the corridor, and Maxwell's family are still on their way. Which is for the best, really, because nobody else needs to hear about Quinn's past.
She can only imagine what's going through each of their heads right now, but she also knows they've all come a long way. There's still a lot they need to talk about, but Quinn knows she's luckier than most to have ended up with the family she has right now. No more, and no less.
"And I'm sure you will, again," Maxwell finally says, smile easy as he rests a hand on her shoulder. "Just gotta find your person first, hmm."
Well.
Quinn's pretty sure she's already done that.
"Oh," Quinn says, little Logan held securely in her arms. At the moment, he's almost a form of protection; some kind of safety between her and the aftermath of what she's about to say. "I actually have," she says, because Rachel is her forever. "I have a girlfriend."
The words come out easy, almost without thought, even if she's said them purposefully, and Quinn forces herself not to panic once they're out. She just keeps bobbing in place, determined to keep Logan lulled in sleep.
It's not a surprise. Her words can't be too much of a surprise to them. They must already know.
The room is silent, though.
Then Judy squeals. Actually squeals, like she's not a grown woman who just became a grandmother for the third time, and Logan squirms in Quinn's arms from the noise. She gently quiets him, shooting a glare at her mother, which she ignores.
Instead, Judy asks, "Sweetheart, do you really?"
Quinn's heart is pounding, but she's not afraid. "I do," she confirms. "She's tiny and dynamite and kind of a drama queen, but she's perfect and kind and puts up with me and I love her more than I thought I was even capable." She takes a deep breath. "It would mean a lot to me if you guys would get to know her, because the probability is really high that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her."
Judy's eyes are still wide, as if she doesn't believe any of this is happening. Maxwell just looks a bit smug, smirk on his face, as if she's just confirmed something he's already known.
But it's Frannie she's really most concerned with, and it takes her a beat too long to look at her sister. She's just lying there, beautiful and obviously exhausted after pushing out an entire human being. But she's smiling. At Quinn. Eyes gentle and maybe a little knowing.
Huh.
Quinn's pretty sure Lena looks at her the same way.
"Are you happy?" Frannie asks, and it's such a loaded question. Though, it is telling that she doesn't phrase it as 'does she makes you happy?' because that isn't the kind of pressure Quinn would want to put on Rachel or their relationship.
Still, the question remains: is she happy?
Quinn drops her gaze to look at Logan's little pink face, wrinkles in his skin. The answer comes simply, then, and she doesn't look at any of them as she says, "I'm as close as I suspect I'll ever get," and it feels like the truth.
Quinn's first official CatCo article is published in the middle of August.
It's technically a solo piece, though closely supervised by Kara, and features stories from more than just her own experience with Operation Ellis. Lena knows the two of them have been working closely together the past few weeks, both spending an inconceivable amount of time in Gotham City interviewing other victims of the scandal.
Lena's not jealous.
Even if she were, she doesn't know which one she would be jealous of, anyway. It's not as if her work allows her to fly across the country and interview people on a whim. It would be great to spend more time with her girlfriend, and with her sister, but she has a company to run and there just isn't enough time in the day for that.
So, no, she's not at all jealous. Nothing like that. If she and Rachel have an endless thread of texts bitching about their girlfriends' never-ending obsession with each other, then that's just for the two of them to know.
But then Quinn's article is published, her words out there for the world to see, and Lena has never felt prouder. Proud enough that she organises a small get-together at her National City apartment, inviting all the important people in Quinn's life that she can realistically get in attendance within a reasonable time frame.
Rachel, of course, and Quinn's family in Sacramento. Lena hasn't seen them since Logan's birth, and she's quite certain Quinn hasn't, either, though Lena's sure Quinn talks to them more than Lena ever will.
Though, Judy does make a point of calling Lena once a week, just to check in with her, which is so much more than Lillian ever did. Lena wasn't sure she believed it when Judy offered to be Lena's family as well, but it's already been months, and Lena is nearly convinced she might end up belonging with them.
Barely a quarter of a century years old, and all she still really wants is just to belong.
The party is meant to be a surprise for Quinn, though, and Lena and Jess spend the latter half of the afternoon making sure everything has been organised and sorted for when Quinn is meant to get home from work. Kara's in charge of that, and Lena trusts her to get her back in one piece while maintaining the surprise.
Surprise.
Lena is reminded quite startlingly that Quinn's family hasn't actually met Rachel as the girlfriend, and it is -
Well.
Lena's never been more relieved by the presence of an actual baby before. Frannie can't seem to decide if she wants to pawn off her third son to literally anyone else or make sure he's as close to her as possible. It's a dilemma, sure, but it also allows everyone to focus on the new life while they all wait for Quinn to arrive with Kara.
It also allows Lena the time to take in her surroundings and accept that this is her life. These people are in her life and, if she's lucky, she'll get to keep them for forever.
Well, for as long as the world will allow her. She's never quite managed to be as optimistic as her girlfriend.
"Kara just texted the group," Alex suddenly calls out, looking only slightly distracted by the sight of Kelly with Baby Logan in her arms. Lena has a feeling Alex and Kelly are headed in only one direction at this point: towards their own forever. "They're on their way up."
Lena watches everyone move, finding their respective hiding positions. It really is such a shame they'll never be able to surprise Kara this way. She would be the best person for this moment, though Quinn does come pretty close to crying when she opens the front door and all her favourite people jump out and yell, "Congratulations on your first byline!"
She startles, stumbling back into Kara's solid form.
Logan immediately shrieks.
It's chaotic and wonderful and a bit of a disaster, but Lena loves every second of this amazing life she gets to live. Loves the way Kara takes such joy in Quinn's reaction, gently shoving her forward into the group hug awaiting her. Loves the way Quinn pretends she's not five seconds away from descending into an ugly-cry. Loves the way Rachel waits until Quinn has managed to greet her other family members and friends before she slides into Quinn's side and remains rooted there.
It's just a lot of love, and it is overwhelming.
Overwhelming to the point that she needs to escape for a few minutes once the evening has blended into the night. She catches Kara's eye across the room, making sure she's aware of her departure if she ends up looking for her, and then she leaves the room, wine glass in hand.
Lena chooses to step out onto the balcony, closing the door behind her and silencing the sounds of the party. She walks towards the railing and leans her forearms on it, looking out into the dark night.
There's a gentle breeze, and she finds her eyes slipping closed as she reflects on the day as a whole. The week, month, the entire year. It's so difficult to remember what her life was like twelve months ago. No Kara, and no Quinn. She felt truly alone in those months that Kara's letter sat on Jess' desk, useless and taunting, waiting for the right moment to disrupt her life in the best way.
Goodness.
How on Earth did she end up here?
"Hey," a voice says behind her, and Lena turns her head to see Quinn coming up behind her. She has a magazine in her hand, which Lena already recognises.
Lena smiles. "Is this what it's going to be like now?" she teases, "you're just going to carry around your article?"
Quinn chuckles, moving to stand beside Lena and lean against the railing the same way she is. "No," she says, "I just wanted to show you something."
"What is it?"
Quinn hands her the magazine and says, "I highlighted the important bit."
Lena doesn't mention she's read this article five times already. Quinn has a wonderful gift when it comes to writing, her voice somehow different to Kara's. It's almost softer, rooted deeper in her own emotion, and Lena understands now when Kara mentioned Quinn probably won't go into investigative journalism.
"Every bit is important," Lena tells her anyway.
Quinn rolls her eyes, shoulder pressing against Lena's. "Just read it."
Lena's eyes drop to the magazine, a certain paragraph highlighted in yellow near the end of the article. She's certain she already knows what it says, but her mouth still opens to read out loud. "'We cannot and should not sugarcoat or even mistake the impact of the injustice that has occurred here. Children of all kin stolen and sold, ripped from homes and plunged into others, families split apart and pieced together under pretense. The repercussions are far-reaching and will probably extend for many a generation, too many stars having to align in order to right this profound wrong. There will continue to be stories of children lost and children found, families reunited and those still searching for answers to questions they have yet to know the words to.'" She lifts her eyes to look at Quinn. "That's dark, dear."
Quinn just shakes her head, waving a hand. "Keep reading."
"'Misery cannot be calculated,'" Lena continues, "'This truth, I may have learned later in life, the same way I learned my family isn't the family I thought it was and I am not the person I thought I was. For a time, I thought those two discoveries went hand-in-hand, but I know better now. While it is true that there is a certain power in knowing your origins; in knowing exactly where you come from, I have also learned that there is another power that I want all other people affected by Operation Ellis to consider: one's self.'" Lena's voice lowers, and she's aware Quinn isn't actually breathing.
"Keep reading," Quinn says again, voice catching.
"'To know whom you are because of other people is perhaps comfort and security, but to know who you are because of one's self; that is power beyond measure, and we may spend the rest of our lives searching for it. The directions towards that destination are unclear, unfortunately. Maybe we're all going to be a little lost for forever, and maybe that's okay. It's always going to be a bumpy journey along this map they like to call life. It might be my own experience making me say this, but I now believe that's the best part of it all. Just imagine all the wonderful things we'll learn about ourselves along the way.'"
Quinn is just watching her, eyes full of affection, when Lena finishes reading.
Lena scrunches up her nose, handing back the magazine. "Ugh."
"What?" Quinn asks, visibly confused, but still amused.
"You're actually an optimist, aren't you?"
Quinn waits a beat, and then she laughs, unreserved and glorious. "You try and repel hope with Kara and Rachel around," she says, smile deep and everlasting.
Lena will concede that much, at least.
Eventually, Quinn's laughter tapers to something soft, her gaze meeting Lena's in that way it always has. Unafraid of what she might find there. "Maybe I am," she allows, sighing lightly and turning her attention to the night sky before them. "I probably have a way to go, though," she whispers, "but this is me trying."
Fin