Chapter Text
“where is the tesseract?”
“up my ass” Loki retorts and he laughs when Thanos grabs him by his jaw.
Thanos hisses “then I’ll tear you in half to get it” and he tightens his grip.
Loki chokes on his breath as his jaw clicks and he can feel it move way too far to the left. He grabs Thanos’ wrist and tries to pull his hand away but it makes the latter squeeze harder, resulting in a crack and pain coating Loki’s face.
He screams so loud it hurts his throat and Thanos lets go.
Loki falls to the ground and manages to catch himself before he face plants. He pants and holds back the sob in his throat as blood drips from his face and he tries to swallow but he starts choking on his own blood.
“you’ll learn your lesson soon Loki” Thanos states as he walks out. Loki’s heart starts to calm down at the sound of fading footsteps and another door slamming.
Only then does he let the sobs break free.
August 7, 2013
Loki glares as hard as he can while he watches a faceless Sakaarian throws a tray of food on the floor, “eat” they demand in a growl. Loki knows they fucked with it, or else they would make him give in.
They always did something wrong, like their patterns. They kept everything consistent so Loki could pick up on little tells and know what was about to happen. And judging by the Sakaarians hands clenching into fists, Loki’s going to hate it.
The Sakaarian suddenly grabs his head and shoves it into the food. Loki gasps and chokes as he inhales the poisoned food. But he quickly snaps his mouth shut and gets his balance he reaches up and grabs the mans ankle before pulling.
Loki instantly smacks the tray across the room and sticks his fingers down his throat. Trying to puke up the tainted foor before it was too late, god he could already feel the horrible pain through his abdomen. He retches and gags, silently begging the norns to help him, completely missing the sound of Corvus walking in.
Loki grunts as Corvus suddenly grabs him, holding his arms back and allowing the Sakaarian to have access without trouble.
He keeps his lips closed tight but the Sakaarian pinches his nose shut “suffocate or eat” it hisses. Loki keeps his mouth shut even as his body starts to tingle and his lungs burn.
But he could only go so long.
He gasps for air and it instantly shoves a handfull of mashed potatoes in his mouth. Loki spits it right back out. But it just keeps shoving food in his mouth and Loki can’t breathe, can’t move.
He can’t fight back.
Loki pretends his eyes don’t tear up as he swallows.
November 21st, 2013
Within the last couple months a lot happened, Thor and Steve got together, they figured out a way to get Tony the meds he needs, Bucky revealed that the winter soldier was the one that killed his parents and he has been avoiding Thor.
And Lukka.
Tony just can’t stand to see the life he craves flaunted around in front of him. So he avoids it and focuses on upgrading the suits to turn any energy into power , his favourite coping mechanism.
and it worked, but only for so long. Because Thor finally runs into him in the hall, where they’rs completely alone.
“Tony-”
“busy right now” Tony deadpans as he tries to walk away.
Thor grabs his arm and pulls him back “I know you hate me for everything about my brother but my son does not need to suffer because of our shit” Thor spits.
“it’s not that” Tony deadpans before trying to walk away again.
Thor pulls him back again, “not everything is about you, we’re family now but my son matters the most”
“I know that”
“then stop being a child”
“Thor I can’t look at you two without my heart breaking” Tony breaks and Thor finally lets go of him.
He blinks at Tony before finally speaking “I’m sorry I’m happy”
“I’m happy you’re happy” Tony admits “but when I see everything that you have, your family, your boyfriend, your son, your life” Tony’s eyes tear up as he blurts “it makes me feel so empty that I want to die” and Thor recoils, his expression falling makes Tony realize what he said “and I’m bipolar now so you can imagine how much fun that is” he adds with a delighted tune.
“or the heightened emotions” Thor includes, in case Tony forgot.
Tony doesn’t hear it because he accidentally mumbles “it hurts enough already I’m just trying not to hurt more”
“cuddles help-”
“I am not cuddling with you”
Thor’s face contorts in disgust “I meant Lukka”
They’re really stepping up their game.
Burning, whipping, electrocution, water-boarding, ripping out nails and broken bones he could handle. But now they’re just being fucking assholes.
They would deny him food until he gave in and listened, that’s how he knew the food was clean, and other days they would be giving it to him for no reason, and he knew that they posioned it so he would not touch it. Until they forced it down his throat. And then the pain would start, the nausea and dizziness.
And after he puked, they would just leave him there, or make it worse by dumping his waste bucket and then leaving him there.
They would wake him up by dumping boiling hot water on him, digging their nails into his wounds, pulling him up by his hair.
They were getting creative too.
The hot needle stopped because they did it so much that there’s now a permanent hole in his fucking tongue. So they moved onto ripping out teeth and watching in fascination as they grew back within seconds, making his face swollen and his jaw sore and tense. It wasn’t as bad as the broken jaw but it fucking hurt.
Dripping wax on him in the most sensitive places, the worst was his fucking eyes. Because apparently his stupid bionic eye can still feel pain.
And when he would fight back enough to annoy them. They would sokve the problem by shoving another needle into his eye, and he couldn’t fight the weakness engulfing him, leaving him useless as they did whatever they wanted.
He wouldn’t have enough strength to even scream. Which made them smile.
The worst is when they left him completely alone.
“Can I-”
“no” Tony interrupts and he holds Lukka tighter “my nephew”
Hela’s eyebrows scrunch together in annoyance “he’s my blood nephew”
“well yall say i’m your brother so that makes him mt nephew, and he’s sleeping” Tony points out “so no” he finishes with a smile as she rolls her eyes.
“you wanted nothing to do-”
“don’t even fucking say that Hela” he interrupts harshly “I was just..nevermind” He looks back down at the sleeping boy in his arms. His hair got darker, a light brown matching Janes and he was starting to look more like Thor now.
“it’s just that you want a family too and whenever you look at Lukka you remember that Loki is gone and you cant have what you want”
“i’m feelin’ a little attacked”
“I’m just tellin you the truth”
“I’m seein a psychiatrist already Hela, I don’t need two”
July 11th, 2014
Loki’s been alone for god knows how long. Without food or water, without light or knowledge of time, without sound or sight. All he could feel was the cold cracked up walls surrounding him.
All he could smell was the putrid stench of his waste across the room, mixing in with the old acidic substance he puked up days ago .
All he could hear was himself.
“Loki, twelve hundred and fifty nine, born December 7th. my parents are Frigga and Odin, my siblings are Hela and Thor, my friends are Tony, Bruce Natasha and Bruc-” no, he said Bruce already.
But there’s someone else.
He knows there is and that it starts with a B.
A woman. The only person on Asgard that didn’t treat him horribly.
His bestfriend.
But he can’t remember.
Loki closes his eyes and buries them in his knees, pretending the darkness is his choice. “remember the good things” he whispers to himself “the stories, Asgard, the stables,” and with each thing he lists off, the memories pop up in his mind, just like he wants.
“I’m the one that taught you how to use a seidr yet you’re better than me” Hela says with a smile
Loki scoffs as he closes his fist and the stars covering his ceiling disappear “don’t sound so proud” he demands “father hates me for this”
“he hates all of us” Hela tries to comfort him. “don’t let him diminish your power, brother, you’ll be giving him what he wants”
“if I listen then he’ll stop hurting me”
“if you listen then you’ll become like every coward in this palace” Hela states before her voice becomes soft “if you give up then I might as well give up too, so please don’t do it brother”
Loki looks her in the eyes “forever and always”
Thor.
“Loki I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” Loki cuts off a crying Thor.
“I know, brother, it’s just a broken bone” he tries to reassure but Thor starts crying harder.
“who’s supposed to play with me today?”
“your idiot friends or Hela”
Thor pouts “Hela doesn’t play with us anymore” he complains but Loki can’t tell him off. Thor doesn’t know what it’s like being locked in the mausoleums and the only human contact you can get is harsh hits and yelling.
“I’ll be healed in a few days brotber, I’m sure you can live without me”
Thor instantly shakes his head “I could never” he declares with another pout “you’re my bestfriend”
They were just casually talking about what they should order for lunch when suddenly Tony gets up and marches into the kitchen.
“what’re you-” Pietro shuts up as Tony starts pouring a bottle of vodka everywhere. He instantly grabs Lukka and gets him out of there.
“what the hell are you doing?” Natasha almost yells.
“I don’t wanna fucking live here anymore” Tony states emotionlessly and throws the empty bottle. It smashes against the tv and it falls off the wall. “ever since we moved here nothing but bad shit has happened! so I’m getting rid of it”
“Tony you’re not thinking clearly”
He grabs another bottle and walks over to the couches “move” he demands and pushes Thor off before he could listen. He starts pouring again, “this entire building is nothing but bad fucking memories-”
Thor stands and snatches the bottle from him “stop it” he hisses. Tony smacks the bottle out of Thor’s hand and it smashes against the floor. Tony waves his hand and every single bottle flies off the counter.
Tony suddenly pushes Thor away and within seconds he’s holding a lit zippo “I’m ending this shit”
“Tony you’re scaring me” Bruce breathes out
“you can’t tell me that I’m wrong Brucey” Tony spits “it’s like this fucking place is cursed, and maybe it is, but the only way to see is if I burn it to the ground”
“you sound kinda insane right now” Hela says lightheartedly.
“aren’t I?” Tony yells and suddenly hisses in pain from the hot metal. He drops the lighter and Thor catches it. He groans as he burns his hand and throws it across the room and it tumbles down the stairs.
Before Tony could do anything his head is smacked into the counter and his vision goes black.
“your mother was the goddess of prophecy”
“Pointing out the obvious” Loki spits back weakly but it still effects Maw.
they have fragile egos.
Maw scowls at him before he asks “has she taught you of it? has she ever shown you your fate”
“has anyone shown you yours?” Loki asks, his voice gravelly but it just helped Maw hear his hatred “because I assure you that your death is going to be painful”
Maw scans him before pressing a hand to his head.
A couple hours later
The silence is broken by Tony marching down the hall “what the fuck!” he roars as he shoves Thor “you put my shit at the front desk?” he yells as he throws a punch but Thor easily blocks it.
“stop!” Thor commands as he tries to catch Tony’s hands but the latter doesn’t let up.
“this is my fucking house!” Tont screams as he keeps hitting and Hela finally decides thats enough and steps in. “I paid for everything, it’s all in my name!” Tony continues yelling as Hela pulls him back and Thor gladly steps back.
“that’s enough” She demands harshly.
Thor pants to catch his breath, his eyes filled with rage as he watches Tont push himself out of Hela’s grip “I live here!”
“I’m not letting you live here!” Thor screams “not with Lukka no fucking way!”
“fuck you!” Tony yells so loud that his voice become hoarse.
“look at you!” Thor continues “you’re pathetic, you need to sober up”
“says the one that does nothing but drink and eat!” Tony spits back and he knows it’s a low blow, to mock Thor’s obviously deteriorating mental health. One of the worst things you could do to a person. But he won't apologize; at least not now.
“Hela hasn’t slept in weeks because she can’t stop looking for Loki even though I told her Day can’t find him!” Tony points out because he’s not the only fucked up one in the room “Natasha does nothing but worry about me to distract herself from the fact that Loki could be coming to fuckin kill us, Bucky and Sam don’t come around because he killed my damn parents, Steve moved out and Thor knocked up his ex”
“and you’re all looking at me like im fucking up” Tony raises his arms along with his voice “which I am!”
“exactly why he’s telling you to sober up” Rhodey adds calmly but he could hear the anger. Tony tilts his head, raising his brow. And Rhodey instantly knows he shouldn’t have said that when Tony grabs a bottle off of the counter.
Tony doesn’t break eye contact as he takes a shot. Rhodey’s stomach burns as Tony swallows the devil's spit and adds an “ah” for a dramatic effect.
He turns around and spits “I can do whatever the fuck I want” as he walks away.
The siblings watch with a heavy heart as Tony leaves
Glaive holds Frigga against a large pillar by her throat. Thanos, Maw and Proxima blocking the doors and the balcony.
“where are the princes?” Thanos asks “we have the princess”
“I only have one son”
“where’s your child”
Frigga looks Thanos straight in the eye “you killed him”
Thanos hums “kill her”
Frigga grunts loudly as the sound of metal tearing through flesh echoes off of the golden walls.
“hey buddy” Tony smiles softly as he sits on the floor to be eye level with Lukka.
“you ‘till mad?”
“no” Tony shakes his head “I’m sorry for getting mad and scaring you, I’m just hurting”
Lukka gets up and brings out a toy first aid kit “where owie?”
Tony smiles “owie on inside” Tony explains and pokes his heart.
Lukka pouts before getting up and throwing his arms around Tony “daddy too” he says, “I help”
Tony hugs back and sighs in relief. The burning in his chest actually starts to calm down “yeah you do”
Fire, Asgardians, dead.
Their bodies sprawled throughout the debris littering rhe floor.
Proxima and glavious in the corner of his eye. Proxima aiming a weapon at his head.
Thanos holding Thor.
“the tesseract” Loki keeps his face impassive as Thanos lifts his hand, wearing the gauntlet that contains one stone. He aims the gauntlet at Thors face “or your brothers head, I assume you have a preference”
September 7th, 2014
Tony’s face drops and his stomach churns as nausea starts to close up his throat. “oh my god, Rhodey” he breaks off into a sob as he flops down on the bed
“hey” Hela says softly-
Tony takes a shaky breath and chokes out “it’s his birthday-” he buries his face into the bed to hide his crying
“Tony it’s okay”
“no no” he slurs as he continues crying “i’m such a piece of shit that I forgot my brothers birthday”
“hey” she pulls on his shirt “sit up and look at me”
“no”
Hela grabs him and forces him to sit up, he instantly drops his head. He hates crying around people “Rhodes loves you” she says sternly and it just makes Tony sick to his stomach.
Hela gets tired of his self-pity so she pulls his face up to look at her “no one is mad at you for drinking” she keeps eye contact to tell Tony she’s damn serious “we’re worried, we want to help”
“I’m sorry” Tony mumbles and Hela’s face falls slack in confusion “you have to worry about me on top of worrying about your brothers and you shouldn’t worry abo-”
“you’re family” Hela interrupts and Tony doesn’t care rhat his nose stings and his eyes water, “family means caring about you” because for once he finally believes it.
“thank you”
Hela smiles “no problem brother”
Tony manages a laugh
Loki shoots up to find blue eyes looking at him. Loki holds back his sigh as he looks around. The kitchen to his left, table and another sitting area across the room and his sister sitting on the couch to his right with Natasha.
“Loki?” Thor asks quietly and carefully places a hand on his thigh. “you’re home” Thor reassures with a small smile.
“home” Loki repeats in a whisper as he looks around again. There was something off, the colours weren’t right and the couches were different, sleeker than he remembers. “where’s-“ Loki stops.
There’s no hall.
There’s no hall leading to Steve, Natasha and the twins rooms.
Loki’s heartbeat picks up as he looks at his sister and Natasha, watching them calmly. He looks back at Thor who now looks annoyed “you’re not my brother” Loki breathes out.
Thor’s eyebrows srunch together and he growls before grabbing Loki’s legs and pulling him closer.
“no!” Loki screams as he kicks like a little girl, desperate to get away he can’t do this again. He can’t take that monster in his brothers skin touching him again, it was too much.
Warm breath against his skin was as clear as the day it happened, the day he broke and gave into Thanos for the first time. Because there was no fucking way he was touching Thanos. Thanos, Thor, could touch him but there was no fucking way that Loki would willingly pleasure that animal.
And there’s no fucking way he’s changing now.
Loki kicks and hits but it’s no use “don’t touch-“ His hearing is filled with ringing as pain lights up his face and he groans.
Thor grabs his chin, forcing Loki to look him in the eyes “you will break” Thor growls as his free hand starts to undo Loki’s belt.
Panic rises in his chest because Thanos is skipping everything and going right for it. “no no no no” Loki chants, trying to squirm away as Thor Thanos, leans over him and licks a stripe up his neck. Loki’s skin crawls as the titans disgusting germs travel all over him, he shudders and tried to curl in on himself.
He tries to speak “I’ll-mmph” but lips smash against his and he closes his eyes so tight that it burns.
It’s not Thor, it’s not Thor, it’s not thor.
A tongue presses against his lips and Loki can’t fucking do it. He can’t do it.
He could never do it.
Useless jotun runt
“you win” Loki blurts without realizing when he feels his belt start to slip off. Thor freezes “you win” Loki confirms quietly and he suddenly feels empty, his once fearful, racing heart now replaced with a black hole.
Thor smirks before his hands start moving again.
“then I’ll take my prize”
December 24th, 2014
Nebula scans Loki’s unconscious body. His chest rising steadily as his body works to heal itself.
Nebula sighs, her stomach clenching with guilt as she scans the new scars on Loki’s palms. “don’t let him win” she demands quietly “we didn’t fight this long just for him to win”
Loki’s finger twitches but she doesn’t notice. “you have to go home remember?”
Nebula flinches back, instinctively lifting her fists and ready to fight. Loki scans the room quickly before his gaze falls on her and he relaxes.
“Loki?”
Loki tilts his head like a confused puppy “Loki?” he repeats and Nebula’s heart drops.
She let’s out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and backs up, the chair screeching against the floor is deafening through their silence “he won” she doesn’t question it “you let him win”
Loki frowns “nobody wins against me” Loki deadpans as he jumps off the bed. “where’s father?”
Nebula deflates. All hope leaving her in one big sigh “Thanos is in his throne room, as usual”